Some examples of why the human race has probably progressed as far as possible. These are actual instruction labels on consumer goods.. On Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (Gee, when else could I possibly do my hair??) On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (The shoplifter special!) On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap. (and that would be how?) On some Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost. (But it's 'just' a suggestion!) On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box) Do not turn upside down. (Too late! you lose!) On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: Product will be hot after heating. (And you were expecting...?) On packaging for a Rowenta iron: Do not iron clothes on body. (But wouldn't that save more time? Whose body?) On Boot's Children's cough medicine: Do not drive car or operate machinery. (We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.) On Nytol sleep aid: Warning: may cause drowsiness. (One would hope!) On a Korean kitchen knife: Warning: keep out of children. (hmm... not entirley stupid if you think about it) On a string of Christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor use only. (As opposed to... what?) On a food processor: Not for other use. (but i was gonna use it to vacuum my bedroom) On Sainsbury's peanuts: Warning: contains nuts. (but no peas?) On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: open packet, eat nuts. (somebody got paid big bucks to write this one..) On a Swedish chainsaw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands. (Raise your hand if you've tried this.) On a child's Superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly. (Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief.) |
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