Ok, so about me...Let's see...Not much to say really. I'm Portuguese (yes, yes, that country located left of Spain. I'll have you know we're far older than they are. We've been around since 1143. Spain only exists since 1479. Don't believe me? By all means, Wikipedia it.) and damn proud of it (as if you couldn't tell already. Mind you, that doesn't mean I think life's perfect and the country's peachy. I know we have some major problems, but hey, if I'm not going to stand up for my own "fatherland", so to speak, who is?). That doesn't mean I'm anti-Spanish. I'm just clarifying that because I've had the experience of having someone asking me if my country "wasn't in Spain". NO, IT ISN'T! I'm in my twenties, I'm a woman (hear me roar...no, not really, just kidding) and I have a very peculiar sense of humour that is pretty dark sometimes. I tend to use sarcasm and irony a lot. I adore cats and I happen to have pet cats. Although sometimes I get the feeling I'm the pet and they're the masters... And last, but not least I speak Portuguese (obviously) and English fluently, Spanish - that is, Castilian and Galician - (Portuguese and Spanish are similar. Being Portuguese you understand Spanish pretty well and if you're Spanish you get Portuguese just fine.), some French, a little Italian and very basic German. I like learning foreign languages, it's a hobby of mine. And that's pretty much it. The rest of my profile is a collection of random stuff I find amusing or that I like. I'm the kind of person who likes to read profiles, so if you're like me, go ahead. Life without you is like a broken pencil…Pointless. (Blackadder II) Piss me off and you "will" suffer the consequences. All the best and fuck the rest. Great minds think alike. Don’t play with fire. You’re more than likely to get burned. Si vis pacem para bellum. (If you wish for peace, prepare for war.) Tomatoes are red, ashes are black, go to hell, and never come back. Whoever said sunshine brings happiness never danced in the pouring rain. Do not anger dragons for thou art crunchy and taste good with ketchup. Words can't hurt you unless the person saying them writes them on an anvil and drops it on your head. If you can't live without me, why aren't you dead already? Just when you realize life's a bitch, it has puppies. Ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you mad. All the things I really like to do are either illegal, immoral, or fattening. Life isn't about the number of breaths we take, but the moments that take our breath away. Like choking. I lay at my bed last night, counting the stars, and I thought to myself: Where the fuck did my ceiling go?! Due to recent cutbacks and until further notice, the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off. That which does not kill me had better run pretty damn fast. We aren't retreating; we're just advancing in another direction. I don't suffer from insanity I enjoy every minute of it. If you always stop to smell the roses sooner or later you'll inhale a bee. There are 3 kinds of people, those who make it happen, those who watch it happen and those who don't know what the hell is happening. When life gives you lemons make grape juice and let the world wonder how you did it. I AM NOT CRAZY! My reality is just different than yours. When life gives you lemons squeeze them in somebody's eyes and RUN! "Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!" I ran into my ex the other day, then I put the car in reverse and ran over him again. Life isn't about the number of breaths we take, but the moments that take our breath away. Like choking. There are plenty more fish in the sea, but who wants to go out with a fish? Some people are like a slinky. They have absolutely no use; but you can't help smile, when you see one fall down the stairs. I lay at my bed last night, counting the stars, and I thought to myself: Where the fuck did my ceiling go?! Ever notice how DYING is at the end of STUDYING? Don't you wish there were a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence? There's one marked "Brightness," but it doesn't work. Money can't buy happiness, but poverty can't buy ANYTHING. MENtal pain, MENtal anxiety, MENstrual cramps, MENopause... all our problems start with men! God created man before woman because every masterpiece needs a rough draft. Guns don't kill people. People kill people. Well I think guns help because if you just stood around saying "BANG" it wouldn't do much. If the swat team breaks down your door do they have to replace it later? If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2? If you can't drink and drive, why do bars have parking lots? “A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.” – Unknown “When there's a will, I want to be in it.” – Unknown When I was younger, my parents encouraged me to walk and talk. Now, all they want me to do is sit down and shut up! Death is God's way of saying you're fired. Suicide is humans way of saying you can't fire me, I quit. The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources. The spontaneous rally will begin at 1:45. I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound as they go by. 'It's always in the last place you look' Well DUR! Because you stop looking after you find it! HELLO! I'm a little teapot short and stout; here is my handle, here is my...other handle? Shit. now I’m a sugar bowl I did what they say and chose the road less travelled... Now where the hell am I? If I seem to give a damn, please tell me. I would hate to be giving the wrong impression. I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception. When someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles to frown about it but it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and punch the crap out of them. Don't piss me off today, I'm running out of places to hide the bodies Finals equals academic suicide Looking at the mirror. Enjoying the view. Be back later Leave a message, and I'll IM you back later. Leave a SEXY message and I'll IM you back sooner. Get your mind out of the gutter - it's blocking my view. In man's struggle against the world, bet on the world. If you can't say anything nice, then at least have the decency to be vague. Just Friends phase - I don't just want you to mourn the loss; I want to remind you of it every day. I want you to suffer. I want you to envy. I want you to die slowly, a bit at a time. And I want you to smile and thank me for it. Depression n. - Anger without enthusiasm. Exhilaration is that feeling you get just after a great idea hits you, and just before you realize what is wrong with it. I'm drunk...I'm armed...I'm off my meds. You had better make your message really, really sweet. "Nothing travels faster than light, with the possible exception of bad news, which follows its own rules." "Always forgive your enemies. Nothing annoys them as much." "FEAR: Fuck Everything And Run." ''Never knock on Death's door. Ring the bell and run instead'' "Don't treat others as you want to be treated, treat others as they treat you." “Don’t run; you’ll only die tired.” "I'm not afraid of death; but dying scares the hell out of me." “Schizophrenia always beats being alone.” “It wasn’t blood in general he couldn’t stand the sight of; it was just his blood in particular that was so upsetting.” “Elephants wear tutus so they can hide in pine trees. Did you ever see an elephant in a pine tree? No? Well then, you know it works.” ”Never forget a friend, especially when they owe you money.” “My kid shot your honours student.” “Elmo watches you when you sleep.” “I called your boyfriend gay, and he hit me with his purse.” “I’ve noticed that all of your insults, mainly directed at me, can all translate to ‘Stunningly gay with a topping of whipped homoeroticism’.” “Every day of my life contains enough stress to turn a non-violent flower-waving hippie into a gun-toting maniac.” “Fuck you; fuck you roughly with a rusty piece of barbed wire.” “Every time you 'assume' you make an 'ass' of 'u' and 'me’.” “They said you were a great asset; I told them they were off by two letters.” "Don’t criticize my mess unless you’d like to become part of it." "If you can’t beat them, join them. If you can’t join them, bribe them. If you can’t bribe them, blackmail them." "My goal in life is to hurt you, severely." "That which doesn't kill you...will most likely succeed the second time." "If you don't like my driving; then stay off the sidewalk!" "My imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems." Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet and so are you. But roses are wilting, violets are dead, the sugar bowl is empty and so is your head. When I die, I want to go peacefully, like my grandfather did, in his sleep…not screaming like the passengers in his car. We’re best friends. You laugh, I laugh. You cry, I cry. You hurt, I hurt. You jump of a bridge…damn I’m gonna miss you! I came. I saw. I kicked their asses. To catch me, you have to be fast. To find me, you have to be smart. But to be me…damn you got to be kidding. Just act like I’m not here…WATCHING you. Good girls are bad girls that never get caught. Can you switch gears or are you stuck on stupid? I can go from CHICK to BITCH in 3.5 seconds. A friend will try to bail you out of jail if you get arrested but a TRUE friend will be there by your side laughing his head off and saying “Damn, that was funny! Let’s do it again.” Never argue with idiots. They’ll drag you to their level and then beat you with their experience.” “You know what’s so bad about being a guy?” “What? Having an extra appendage?” “No, being straight and having a horde of your drinking buddies suddenly hitting on you”. If I was the sun, I would erase all my light so I wouldn’t see you every day. Few women admit their age, fewer men act it. Of all the things I’ve lost, I miss my brain most. One death is tragedy, a hundred deaths are statistic. Don't steal. The government hates the competition. If you hate stereotypes, then copy and paste this onto your profile (Bold those that could be said, mistakenly or not, about you) I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic. I'm EMO, so I MUST cut my wrists. I'm a NEGRO so I MUST carry a gun. I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be a ditz I'm JAMAICAN so I MUST smoke weed. I'm HAITIAN so I MUST eat cat. I'm ASIAN, so I MUST be sexy. I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy. I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS. I'm a LESBIAN, so I MUST have a sex-tape. I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist. I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch. I'm a GAY RIGHTS SUPPORTER, so I WILL go to hell. I'm a CHRISTAN, so I MUST think gay people should go to hell. I'm RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat. I'm ATHEIST so I MUST hate the world. I don't have a RELIGION, so I MUST be evil and have no morals I'm REPUBLICAN, so I MUST not care about poor people. I'm DEMOCRAT, so I MUST not believe in being responsible. I am LIBERAL, so I MUST be gay. I'm SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash. I TAKE (or used to take) ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be crazy. I'm a GUY, so I MUST only want to get into your pants. I'm IRISH, so I MUST have a bad drinking problem. I'm INDIAN, so I MUST own a convenient store. I'm NATIVE AMERICAN, so I MUST dance around a fire screaming like a savage. I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore... I'm a DANCER, so I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore I wear SKIRTS a lot, so I MUST be a slut. I'm PUNK, so I MUST do drugs. I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob. I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a Goth or emo. I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend. I'm CUBAN, so I MUST spend my spare time rolling cigars. I'm NOT A VIRGIN, so I MUST be easy. I FELL IN LOVE WITH A MARRIED MAN, so I MUST be a home-wrecking whore. I'm a TEENAGE MOM, so I MUST be an irresponsible slut. I'm POLISH, so I MUST wear my socks with my sandals I'm ITALIAN, so I must have a "big one". I'm EGYPTIAN, so I must be a TERRORIST! I'm PRETTY, so I MUST not be a virgin. I HAVE STRAIGHT A'S, so I MUST have no social life. I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MUST be looking for attention. I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS so I MUST be looking for attention. I'm INTO THEATER & ART, so I MUST be a homosexual. I'm a VEGETARIAN, so I MUST be a crazy political activist. I HAVE A BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be fucking them all. I HAVE A BUNCH OF GIRLS WHO ARE FRIENDS, so I MUST be a player. I have big boobs, so I MUST be a hoe. I'm COLOMBIAN, so I MUST be a drug dealer. I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser. I'm RUSSIAN, so I MUST be cool and that’s how Russians roll. I'm BLONDE and have BLUE EYES, so I must be a Nazi. I hang out with GAYS, so I must be GAY TOO. I'm BRAZILIAN, so I MUST have a BIG BUTT. I'm PUERTO RICAN, so I MUST look good and be conceited I'm SALVADORIAN, so I MUST be in MS 13 I'm POLISH, so I MUST be greedy I'm HAWAIIAN so I MUST be lazy I'm PERUVIAN, so I MUST like llamas I'm a STONER so I MUST be going in the wrong direction I'm STRAIGHT EDGE so I must be violent. I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly... or crazy. I'm BLACK so I MUST love fried chicken and kool-aid. I'm a GIRL who actually EATS LUNCH, so I MUST be fat. I'm SINGLE so I MUST be ugly. I'm a SKATER so I must do weed and steal stuff I'm a PUNK so I must only wear black and date only other punks I'm ASIAN so I must be a NERD that does HOMEWORK 24/7 I'm CHRISTIAN so I MUST hate homosexuals. I'm MIXED so I must be screwed up. I'm MUSLIM so I MUST be a terrorist. I'm in BAND, so I MUST be a dork. I'm BLACK so I MUST believe JESUS WUZ A BROTHA I'm MORMON so I MUST be perfect I'm WHITE and have black friends so I MUST think I'm black I'm GOTH so I MUST worship the devil (So I’ve been told) I'm HISPANIC, so I MUST be dirty. I'm NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser. I'm OVERWEIGHT, so I MUST have a problem with self control. I'm PREPPY, so I MUST shun those who don't wear Abercrombie & Hollister. (yeah, strange mix, I know) I'm on a DANCE team, so I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore. I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naive. I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob I'm MEXICAN, so I MUST have hopped the border. I'm BLACK, so I MUST love watermelon I'm BI, so I MUST think every person I see is hot. I'm an ASIAN GUY, so I MUST have a small penis. I'm a GUY CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be gay. I'm a PREP, so I MUST be rich. I don't like the SUN so I MUST be an albino. I have a lot of FRIENDS, so I MUST love to drink and party. I wear tight PANTS and I'm a guy, so I MUST be EMO. I couldn't hurt a FLY, So I MUST be a pussy. I support GAY RIGHTS, so I MUST fit in with everyone. I hang out with teenage drinkers and smokers, so I MUST smoke and drink too. I have ARTISTIC TALENT, so I MUST think little of those who don't. I don't like to be in a BIG GROUP, so I MUST be anti-social. I have a DIFFERENT sense of HUMOR, so I MUST be crazy. I tell people OFF, so I MUST be an over controlling bitch. My hair gets GREASY a lot, so I MUST have no hygiene skills. I'm DEFENSIVE, so I MUST be over controlling and a bitch. I'm a NUDIST, so I MUST want everyone to see my boobs. I read Comics, so I MUST be a loser. I hang out with a FORMER PROSTITUTE... So I MUST be a whore myself. I'm TEXAN so I MUST ride a horse I’m a CROSSDRESSER, so I must be homosexual. I draw ANIME so I MUST be a freak. I am a FANBOY so I MUST be a crazy, obsessed stalker. I WATCH PORN so I MUST be perverted. I'm INTELLIGENT so I MUST be weak. I am AMERICAN so I MUST be obese, loud-mouthed and arrogant. I'm WELSH so I MUST love sheep I’m a YOUNG WRITER, so I MUST be EMO. I’m CANADIAN, so I MUST talk with a funny accent. I'm a GUY, so I MUST ditch my pregnant girlfriend. I'm CANADIAN, so I MUST love hockey and beavers. I'm DISABLED, so I MUST be on Welfare. I'm a FEMINIST, so I MUST have a problem with sexuality and I want to castrate every man on the earth. I'm a TEENAGER, so I MUST have a STEREOTYPE. I WEAR A BIG SUNHAT when I go outside, so I MUST be stupid. I like BLOOD, so I must be a VAMPIRE. 25 REASONS I OWE MY MOTHER 1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. 2. My mother taught me RELIGION. 3 . My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. 4. My mother taught me LOGIC. 5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. 6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. 7. My mother taught t me IRONY. 8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. 9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. 10. My mother taught me about STAMINA. 11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. 12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. 13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. 14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. 15. My mother taught me about ENVY. 16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION . 17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. 18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. 19. My mother taught me ESP. 20. My mother taught me HUMOR. 21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. 22. My mother taught me GENETICS. 23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. 24. My mother taught me WISDOM. 25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE. |
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