M.Ax.Is.A
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Joined 06-12-11, id: 2983852, Profile Updated: 07-21-11
Author has written 1 story for Twilight.

FRIENDS AND BEST FRIENDS

FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.
BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food.

FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa.
BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS!

FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail.
BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you saying "DAMN!"

FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you.
BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...

FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.
BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME."

FRIENDS: Will help me find my way when I'm lost. BEST FRIENDS: Will be the one messing with my compass, stealing my map and giving me bad directions

FRIENDS: Will help me learn to drive. BEST FRIENDS: Will help me roll the car into the lake so I can collect insurance.

FRIENDS: Will help me up when I fall down. BEST FRIENDS: Will point and laugh because they tripped me.

FRIENDS: Will go to a concert with me. BEST FRIENDS: Will kidnap the band with me.

FRIENDS: Hide me from the cops. BEST FRIENDS: Are probably the reason they’re after me in the first place.

A good friend helps you find your prince. A best friend kidnaps him and brings him to you.

A good friend will ask you if you're okay when you're crying. A best friend already has a shovel ready to bury the loser who made you cry.

A good friend will bail you out of jail. A best friend would be in the room next to you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!"

A good friend tells you she knows how you feel. A best friend just sits down and cries.

If you agree copy and paste this into your profile!


Why Europe has some issues.

1. Only in Europe...can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

2. Only in Europe...are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

3. Only in Europe...do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

4. Only in Europe...do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

Copy and paste this and you'll get a free...COOKIE!


Some examples of why the human race has probably evolved

On Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(And that would be how?)

On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's 'just' a suggestion!)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! You lose!)

On Marks & Spencer food:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)

On sleep aid pills:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)

On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: keep out of children.
(Hmm something must have gotten lost in the translation...)

On a string of Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(Don’t use in outer space.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
(But no peas?)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(????????????????????????????????)

On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
(???????????????????????????????)

On a child's Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(Destroying a universal childhood belief.)

Copy and paste them into your profile to continue the comedy!


Copy and paste this in your profile

If you didn't know the ABC's song and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star had the same tune...

If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vice versa.

If you are crazy and proud of it.

If you have ever run into a door, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever walked into the men's toilets instead of the ladies or vice versa.

If you think you have A.D.H.D., Automatic Death by Hyperness Disorder like me!

If you adore chocolate and frequently suffer from chocolate cravings.

If you think you have too many of these "put this in your profile" thingies, but have no intention of stopping now.

Milk tastes good. People If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question.

If you're hyper, like being hyper, and are hyper all the time.

If there are times where you just wanna annoy someone for the heck of it.

If you know someone who should get run over by a bus.

If you have ever wanted to just SLAP someone.

Call me crazy, but I'm just random so… if you're random and proud of it.


This is Bunny. Copy and paste him into your profile to help him dominate the world!

╚╗╔╣║║║║║║║║║╩╠╗╔╝Ѽ
─║║║║║║║╚╣╠╗║║║║║─ hope you like it ─╚╝╚══╩╩═╩╩═╩╩╝╚╝─


Books
To some people
they're just bits of paper
glued to a fragile spine

But to me they are friends
welcoming me at any time
opening up their hearts
to show me their secrets

I laugh with them
I cry with them

They've let me into
the hearts of so many
people with fantastic lives
people who have grand adventures
and for a few hours
I forget
That I'm just me

If you agree, copy and paste this into your profile.


Child Abuse

My name is Chris
I am three . . .
My eyes are swollen
I cannot see,
I must be stupid
I must be bad,
What else could have made
My daddy so mad?
I wish I were better
I wish I weren't ugly,
Then maybe my mommy
Would still want to hug me.
I can’t speak at Cause I’ll say something wrong
And then I get locked up
All day long. They tell me to sleep
When I’m awake I’m all alone
The house is dark
My folks aren't home When my mommy does come home
I'll try and be nice,
So maybe I’ll just get
One whipping tonight.
I just heard a car
My daddy is back
From Charlie’s bar
I hear him curse
My name is called
I press myself
Against the wall
I try to hide
From his evil eye
I’m so afraid now
I'm starting to cry
He finds me weeping
Calls me ugly words,
He says its my fault
He suffers at work
He slaps and hits me
And yells at me more,
I finally get free
And run to the door
He’s already locked it
And I start to bawl,
He takes me and throws me
Against the hard wall
I fall to the floor
With my bones nearly broken,
And my daddy continues
With more bad words spoken,
'I’m sorry!', I scream
But its now much to late
His face has been twisted
Into a unimaginable shape
The hurt and the pain
Again and again
O please God, have mercy!
O please let it end!
And he finally stops
And heads for the door
While I lay there motionless
Sprawled on the floor
My name is Chris I am three,
Tonight my daddy
Murdered me. . .

If you’re against child abuse copy and paste this into your profile.


Things to copy and paste

Its always in the last place you look...of course it is, why the hell would you keep looking after you find it?

It takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 to smile and only 4 to reach out and slap someone.

If life gives you lemons, make grape juice, and let the world wonder how you did it.

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you're a mile away from them and you have stolen their shoes.

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up

Of course I'm talking to myself, who else can I trust?

One day your prince will come. Mine? Oh he took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions.

I'm not afraid of Death, what's it gonna do, kill me?

Learn from your parents mistakes - use birth control!

If two wrongs don't make a right...try three.

1 out of every 4 people are insane. Look at your 3 best friends. If it's not one of them...it's you.

We're best friends. You laugh, I laugh. You cry, I cry. You hurt, I hurt. You just jumped off a bridge...damn, I'm gonna miss your sorry ass.

Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family. So it's one of them. It's either my mom or my dad. Or my older brother Collin. Or my other brother Ho-Chan-Chu...I think it's Collin.

Let flip a coin- heads we'll be together, tails we flip again.

Having the love of your life say you can still be friends is like having your dog die and your mom saying you can still keep it.

All the good ones are either gay, married, or fictional characters in books.

Of all the things I’ve lost, I miss my mind the most.

Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much.

Boys are like slinkies, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs.

Note to Self: Normal is just a setting on the washing machine.

I'm going to live forever, or die trying.

If I had something good to say, I would have already said it.

Never knock on Death's door- ring the bell and run away. Death really hates that.

Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use together.

If you get a low enough SAT score, you should be able to park in the handicap space.

I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer.

Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?

Education is important, school however, is another matter.

Boys are like trees - they take 50 years to grow up.

You cry, I cry. You laugh, I laugh. You jump off a cliff, I laugh even harder!

They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill to many people.

I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that crap up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you, you asshole!

That, my children, is called a wall. But beware the wall is solid. Yes be afraid! Be very afraid for we cannot walk through it! Believe me children, for I have attempted this many times before.

Some people are alive today, simply because it is illegal to kill them.

The newsman is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not.

If your parents never had children, chances are you won’t either.

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone might actually clean them?

There are no stupid questions – just a bunch of inquisitive idiots.

People say Bin Ladin is dead. He’s not dead. He’s alive and hiding in the White House.

I’m not afraid to die. I just don’t want to be there when it happens.

Sometimes the mind, for reasons we do not necessarily understand, just decides to go the store for milk.

The only reason some people get lost in thought is because it is unfamiliar territory.

I'm not short, I'm fun sized.

When you get caught looking at him, remember, he was looking back.

Girls are like phones, we love to be held, and talked to but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!

I'm the type of girl who will burst out laughing in dead silence over something that happened a year ago : )

Don't follow in my footsteps . . . I run into walls really!

Do you want to know why I'm still on earth? Heaven kicked me out and hell is afraid I'll take over

Hello and welcome to the Mental Health Hot-line. If you are obsessive compulsive, press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent ask someone to press 2 for you. If you have multiple personalities press 3, 4, 5, 6. If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want so stay on the line and we'll trace your call. If you are delusional press 7 and your call will be sent to the Mother Ship. If you are schizophrenic listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press. If you are depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer you. If you are dislexic press 6, 9, 6, 9, 6, 9. If you have a nervous disorder fidget until the beep. After the beep, please wait for the beep. If you have short term memory loss, please try your call again later and if you have low self esteem, hang up, all our operators are too busy to talk to you. Thank you for using Mental Health Hot-line.

Being mature is overrated.

People who say "nothing's impossible" have never tried slamming a revolving door.

I called your boyfriend gay, and he hit me with his purse.

The dinosaurs' extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all commited suicide.


Abortion

Dear Mommy,

I am in Heaven now, sitting on Jesus' lap. He loves me and
cries with me; for my heart has been broken. I so wanted to be
your little girl.

I don't quite understand what has happened. I was so excited
when I began realizing my existance. I was in a dark, yet
comfortable place. I saw I had fingers and toes. I was pretty
far along in my developing, yet not near ready to leave my
surroundings. I spent most of my time thinking or sleeping.

Even from my earliest days, I felt a special bonding between
you and me. Sometimes I heard you crying and I cried with
you. Sometimes you would yell or scream, then cry. I heard
Daddy yelling back. I was sad, and hoped you would be better
soon. I wondered why you cried so much.

One day you cried almost all of the day. I hurt for you. I
couldn't imagine why you were so unhappy. That same day,
the most horrible thing happened. A very mean monster came
into that warm, comfortable place I was in. I was so scared, I
began screaming, but you never once tried to help me. Maybe
you never heard me. The monster got closer and closer as I
was screaming and screaming, "Mommy, Mommy, help me
please; Mommy, help me."

Complete terror is all I felt. I screamed and screamed until I
thought I couldn't anymore. Then the monster started ripping
my arm off. It hurt so bad; the pain I can never explain. It
didn't stop. Oh, how I begged it to stop. I screamed in horror
as it ripped my leg off. Though I was in such complete pain, I
was dying. I knew I would never see your face or hear you
say how much you love me.

I wanted to make all your tears go away. I had so many plans
to make you happy. Now I couldn't; all my dreams were
shattered. Though I was in utter pain and horror, I felt the pain
of my heart breaking, above all. I wanted more than anything
to be your daughter. No use now, for I was dying a painful
death. I could only imagine the terrible things that they had
done to you.

I wanted to tell you that I love you before I was gone, but I
didn't know the words you could understand. And soon, I no
longer had the breath to say them; I was dead. I felt myself
rising. I was being carried by a huge angel into a big beautiful
place. I was still crying, but the physical pain was gone.

The angel took me to Jesus and set me on His lap. He said He
loved me, and He was my Father. Then I was happy. I asked
Him what the thing was that killed me. He answered,
"Abortion. I am sorry, my child; for I know how it feels." I
don't know what abortion is; I guess that's the name of the
monster.

I'm writing to say that I love you and to tell you how much I
wanted to be your little girl. I tried very hard to live. I wanted
to live. I had the will, but I couldn't; the monster was too
powerful. It sucked my arms and legs off and finally got all of
me. It was impossible to live. I just wanted you to know I
tried to stay with you. I didn't want to die.Also, Mommy, please watch out for that abortion monster.
Mommy, I love you and I would hate for you to go through
the kind of pain I did. Please be careful.

Love,

Your Baby Girl

If you’re against child abuse, copy and paste this into your profile


I’m not that little girl

I'm not that little girl anymore
Sometimes I still fall and scrape my knees
And I still dream of being
Something bigger then I am

But my dreams aren't populated
by lollipops and fluffy kittens.
they contain much darker things.

Sometimes I wanna scream and shout
and have a temper tantrum
until someone finally hears me.

I still do stupid things,
and I still sometimes get lost and scared.
But I've found someone inside of me,
that is strong and sure,
and she guides me when I am confused.

Through the years
I've gained so much
and learned new things

But I am still unsure
of the world and my place in it
But one thing is for sure
I'm not that little girl anymore.

Just a poem I like. Still don’t know why I wrote it though.


The desperate painter

The painter's brush glided over the canvas.
His legacy they had called it.
If this wasn't a masterpiece, he'd be ruined!
He had a good start. Everyone had loved his art,
But times changed, tastes change
And he'd be damned if he was left in the dust!

His painting, ha! More like ten discarded paintings.
None felt right, but he couldn't put his finger on why.
Plants, animals, scenes, people, he had tried them all!
But he still wasn't satisfied with the results.
He had to find something that would stir his blood,
and the blood of the public, you have to please the public.

His paints and canvas in hand, he decided to try yet again.
Why did the public have to concentrate on him!
And why, oh why, couldn't he paint!
Had he lost 'the touch' No that couldn't be it!
He could still paint, just not anything good.
Nothing worth being called a masterpiece

He'd try the park again, for the fifth time.
The weather was dreary, it fit his mood.
At the park gates stood a watchman
Regal nad proud and all that stuff
To be truthful, he just looked wet and cold.

Well the world was rather depressing today.
He'd have to work hard
To make a masterpiece on a day like this.
And it was so important that he make a masterpiece.

The fine foods and wine.
The pretty ladies and their husbands.
They would all praise him for his magnificent work
But first he'd have to paint it
And here he was sitting in a wet, miserable park
He had to get out of here.

As he walked down the streets,
Looking at the people all bundled up
He wondered why they were out in this weather?
Why was he out in this weather?

He made it to his apartment finally.
He was wet, cold and cranky.
He looked at his belongings. Paints mostly.
But then he noticed something.
The sun was shining in on the papers and paints!

He looked out the window, and found his masterpiece.
It was still cloudy, but there were a few rays of sunlight,
peaking through the clouds.
He hurried to his canvas, and dragged it to his balcony.
He grabbed as many colours of paint that he could.

He painted for hours straight
But it wasn't difficult, the painting seemed to be...
Painting itself.

Just as he finished the clouds covered the bit of sun
As if it had politely waited for him to finish.
He regarded his painting, it was wonderful.
Whether the public liked it or not, it was his legacy.
He signed his name and slowly titled it
Revival.

Another poem that started out as a scribble :)

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Passing Through the Fairy Ring by TrappedInWonderland reviews
The night that Orihime finds a mysterious creature in her room, is the night that will change her life forever. AU, multi-pairings, and slight OOC.
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Addiction by blade321 reviews
Rukia has a new passion, baking. What happens when a certain Espada passes through her place and becomes addicted to her baked sweets? But the question is whether he is actually addicted to the sweets or the baker itself? C.7 UPDATED!
Bleach - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 7 - Words: 17,477 - Reviews: 68 - Favs: 47 - Follows: 44 - Updated: 7/30/2011 - Published: 9/23/2009 - C. Stark, Rukia K.
To The Limit by LifeWriter reviews
AU. Inoue Orihime can reject reality. Aizen Sousuke thinks he is a god. In the week between Orihime's capture and her 'rescue', Hueco Mundo gets turned upside-down. Oneshot, crack.
Bleach - Rated: K - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 6,195 - Reviews: 88 - Favs: 594 - Follows: 148 - Published: 9/12/2010 - S. Aizen, Orihime I. - Complete
Chances and Opportunities by SilverRedBlossom331 reviews
The Primera espada wasn't worried in the least about his new mission, annoyed, yes, worried, no. He laughed at the simplicity of it actually. Because, how hard could it possibly be to find an orange haired girl in the human world? HA!
Bleach - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 11 - Words: 22,486 - Reviews: 63 - Favs: 47 - Follows: 42 - Updated: 12/27/2009 - Published: 7/30/2009 - Orihime I., C. Stark
As I Watch Her Sleep Poem reviews
Edward's thoughts while watching Bella sleep put in a poem. Before Bella knew about it Shows how Edward looks at himself. My first fan-fic at last complete. REVIEW PLEASE!1
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Hurt/Comfort/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 193 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 7/21/2011 - Edward, Bella - Complete