'Ha, I'm older than you!' 'Ha, you'll die first!' 'Ha, not if I run you over!'

Yes or no? No. No? Yeah. You mean yes. No! No? Yes. NO!

MOM MOM MOM MOM MOM MOM MOM! WHAT?! Nevermind, you're mad.

MOM, I can't find it! If I come up there and I find it you're dead! ...found it...

I'm bored so I get off of Fanfiction. I'm bored so I get on again.

MUST STOP LIKING THINGS...OMG that is so true *like*

Most common lie. I'M FINE.

Be safe. No Mom, I was planning on dying today.

I am THIS close to calling your mother! Tell her I said hi!

Hey, see that bright thing in the sky? It's the sun and the world revolves around it, not you.

types in password* Password doesn't work. *OMFG I'VE BEEN HACKED* oh, wait...CAPS LOCK WAS ON.

SHIT! THAT WASN'T SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN! SHIIIIIT!

SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT FUCK SHIT SHIT SHIT

You're cute when you're mad. Really? Well I'm about to get absolutely effing adorable.

SORRY! STOP SAYING SORRY! Okay, sorry.

Save the Earth. QUIT EXAMS, SAVE PAPER!

HEY! Three hours later... HEY! Oh, NOW you want to text back?!

Barrack Obama stole 'Yes we can!' from Bob the Builder.

They're called skinny jeans. Not MAKE YOU SKINNY JEANS!

Did it hurt? Did what hurt? When you fell from heaven. Awww. Because your face is F* up!

I hate two-faced people because it's so hard to choose what face to slap first.

Why is everyone so hyped up about Justin Bieber? Just because he's famous and has great songs and cute...oh NOW i get it! (Still hate him...)

OMG! Stop talking while I'm texting! Why? 'Cause I'm typing what you say!

I just realized...I don't care.

I'm not antisocial, I just don't like you.

Don't hate me because I'm beautiful, hate me because your boyfriend thinks I'm beautiful.

Coffee...do stupid things faster and with more energy.

Ah shit, you're gonna try and cheer me up, aren't you?

Deja vu - when you've done something you think you've done before, it's because God thought it was so funny, he had to rewind it for his friends to see.

A friend will call you in jail. A good friend will visit you in jail. A best friend will be sitting in jail with you saying, "That was awesome!"

Friends may give you an alibi but brothers will help hide the body.

Frankly, if you've never stuck your tongue in a light socket, you'll never understand.

If you're not living life on the edge then you're taking up space.

Best friends are the people who know all about you and still put up with you.

Trespassers will be shot. Survivors will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. Have a nice day.

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back.

One out of three people below average pick 3 friends and if they aren’t below average then you are the 1.

Everyone has photographic memory, some just don't have film.

42.5 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have to catch up.

All those who believe in telekinesis, please raise my hand.

The early bird may get the worm but the second mouse gets the cheese.

If everything seems to be going well, then you've obviously overlooked something.

Depression is merely anger without the enthusiasm.

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

I intend to live forever...so far, so good.

If Barbie is not a slut , why do you have to buy her boyfriends?

Eagles may soar but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

If, at first, you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

The only reason I'm listening to music is to drown out the sound of your voice!

Careful of that light at the other end of the tunnel. It could be another train coming for you.

If you can't fix it with duct tape then you haven't used enough.

Smile and the world will smile with you. Laugh and the world will think you're on drugs.

I'll be sober tomorrow but you'll be ugly for the rest of your life.

Life's tough. Get a helmet!

I didn't lose my mind. I sold it on eBay.

Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.

If we quit voting will they all go away?

YOU! Out of the gene pool- NOW!

How many roads must a man travel down before he admits he's lost?

All men are animals. Some just make better pets.

Politicians and diapers both need to be changed and for the same reason.

Normal people worry me.

Those that think they know everything annoy those of us that do.

None of us are virgins. Life has fucked us all.

Everyone in life has a purpose, even if it serves to be a bad example.

If you die, I'll kill you!

There are some days I just don't feel like talking.

The only reason I talk to myself is because that I'm the only one whose answers I'll accept.

Learn from the mistakes of others because you can't live long enough to make them all yourself.

They say the truth will set you free. If that's true then why is it every time I tell the truth, I'm sent to my room?

Love is like heaven but hurts like hell.

You tried, you failed and the lesson is, never try.

Dying is just natures way of saying, "Hey! You're not alive anymore."

Some people drink from the fountain of knowledge, others just gurgle.

I tried sniffing coke once but the ice cubes got stuck up my nose.

The whole world is going to hell and I'm driving the bus.

Don't criticize my mess unless you want to be a part of it.

It's NOT my fault that I never learned to accept responsibility.

Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking.

Some people are alive today, simply because it is illegal to kill them.

If you love someone set them free! If they don't come back, hunt them down and kill them.

The reason attempted suicide is illegal: The government can't tax you if you're dead.

To put it nicely, I hope you choke. It's NOT my fault that I never learned to accept responsibility.

If at first you don't succeed, cheat, repeat until caught, then lie.

It takes 42 muscles to smile so just pick up your middle finger and say 'bite me' in a bitchy tone.

Every morning is the dawn of a new error.

No man is worth your tears and the one that is won't make you cry.

I'm smiling because I have no idea whats going on.

Curiosity didn't kill the cat...curiosity made the kittens.

I'm sure that someone cares that you're alive...its just not me.

I never meant to hurt you but you're pretty when you cry. I never really loved you but I'm pretty when I lie.

When you're born you're crying but everyone around you is smiling. Live your life so that when you die you're smiling but everyone around you is crying.

There are easier things in life then finding a good man. Nailing jell-o to a tree for instance.

If a safety pin, duct tape or a band-aid can't fix it then you have a serious problem.

Virginity is like a I'm not spoiled, just well taken care of.

I make sounds only other freaks can hear.

Girls live in heaven, boys live on the couch.

If the world is a theater, men need better lines.

I'll shop, I'll buy, in debt I will die.

So much money, so little is mine.

Love is blind, so I'm blind too.

If it wasn't meant to be, I can't follow.

Keep going and you will get hurt.

Do you know what the Chain of Command is? It's the chain I go and get to beat you with to show you who's in command.

An original idea? That shouldn't be too hard. The library is bound to be full of them.

If you itch for success, keep scratching.

The greatest pleasure in life is to accomplish what others say you cannot.

Dogs have owners. Cats have staff.

Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

It's hard to be an intimidating, evil dictator when you're pink and glow in the dark.

When in doubt, Google. It has proven useful time and again.

It was boredom that turned perfectly sensible people into morons and lunatics, casting common sense and decency into the wind. It was boredom that told the ninja that doing something was a really good idea when it was a really, really bad idea.

You say psycho like its a bad thing.

If at first you don't succeed, blow it up and say you did.

When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.

Get your facts fast; then you can distort them as much as you want.

If I ever find out I've got a terrible illness and am going to die in a few days; I'm going to go on a killing spree, I mean, what's the worst they can do to me, make me live longer? And I'm not gonna kill innocent people, just people who deserve it.

Don't blame me. It was my evil twin.

I'm waiting for my true love or the mother ship. Whichever comes first.

Half my brain went for a walk and the other half went to find it.

Growing old is mandatory. Growing up is optional.

I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.

Come to the dark side. We have cookies and better dental insurance.

Big shiny things usually cause big problems.

I may be a bitch but I'm the bitch and that tops bitch to you.

I swear if it weren't for my friends I would have burned down the school long ago.

Life sucks. Deal with it.

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

You laugh at me because I'm different. I laugh at you because you're all the same.

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned...but you sure are screwed when that woman is a sorceress.

If I were able I'd live in one of my fantasy books. Why? Because reality sucks and I'd be able to have a bigger role in life.

Let them come. They will all burn.

I love you but I hate you and it's not fair.

Forget a knight in shining armor. I want a vampire in a silver Volvo.

It's not thunder. It's baseball!

WARNING! Everything you say will make me think of Edward.

I want Emmett to be my big brother, Alice to be my best friend and Edward to be my boyfriend.

TWILIGHT! It's not an obsession, it's a way of life.

TWILIGHT! I've read the book. I've seen the movie. I lost my heart. So I bought a T-shirt.

When you live forever, what do you live for?

You'll never know who you'll meet in biology.

Boys in books are just better.

I don't suffer from O.C.D, I enjoy every minute of it. Obsessive. Cullen. Daydreaming.

The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

There are people in Africa that can't afford sarcasm, and yet, you abuse it

Being mature is overrated.

Being weird is like being normal, only better.

I see regular people!

I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me.

Boys are like lava lamps, fun to watch but not too bright.

Boys are like Slinky's... useless, but fun to watch fall downstairs

There cannot be a crisis this week; my schedule is full.

Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door.

Life isn't passing me by, its trying to run me over.

When you get caught looking at him just remember he was looking back.

One day, you will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject

When angry, count to ten, when very angry, swear.

They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill to many people.

I believe you should live each day as if it is your last, which is why I don't have any clean laundry because, come on, who wants to wash clothes on the last day of their life?

As you make your way through this hectic world of ours, set aside a few minutes each day. At the end of the year, you'll have a couple of days saved up.

Silence is golden, duct tape is silver

Make a man a fire, keep him warm for a day. Set a man on fire, keep him warm for life

Officer, I swear to drunk I'm not God!

When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then watch the world wonder how you did it.

If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk

I'm not littering...I'm donating to the Earth

I've got A.D.D and magic markers, oh the thrills I will have! ( I don't really have ADD )

Life is like a pack of gum... I've yet to figure out why.

Be insane... because well behaved girls never made history.

You call me a bitch. Well, a bitch is a female dog. A dog barks. Bark is on trees. Trees are a part of nature. Nature is beautiful. So thanks for the compliment :D

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.

If your name is Mr. Crunch, and you joined the Navy, would you eventually be Captain Crunch?

Having the love of your life say you can still be friends is like having your dog die and your mom saying you can still keep it

My knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil.

Never knock on Death’s door, ring the doorbell and run away, he hates that.

Your weirdness is creeping my imaginary friend out

Last night I looked up at the stars and matched each star to a reason I loved you. I was doing fine till I ran out of stars.

To the world, you are just one person, but to one person, you are the world

One day your prince will come. Mine? Oh he took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions.

WARNING: Do NOT walk in my footsteps... I tend to walk into walls, and off the occasional cliff

I’m not afraid of Death, what’s it gonna do? Kill me?

It’s always the last place you look. Of course it is why would I keep looking after I’ve found it?

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.

I'm so gangster, I carry a squirt gun.

We fall for stupid boys, we make lots of dumb mistakes, we like to act stupid, talk really fast, and laugh really loud. But us teenage girls our good at 2 things: Staying Strong, and Being Ourselves.

You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it

Life was so simple when boys had cooties!

Mothers of teens know why some animals eat their young.

I'm not random, I just have many thou- OH A SQUIRREL!

Elmo knows where you live!

Forever isn't as long as it used to be.

There is no "I" in team but the is an "I" in PIE and there is an "I" in MEATPIE and MEAT is an anagram of TEAM...

The most important and least important letters of the alphabet is I and U. I is important. U isn't.

You laugh now because you're older than me by mere months, but when you're 30 and I'm still 29, who will be laughing then?

Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.

An apple day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed.

Ever stop to think and forget to start again?

You're intoxocated by my very presence.

Come to the dark side. We have COOKIES and EDWARD ANTHONY FREAKING MASEN CULLEN!!

I used to be normal, until I met the freaks that I call my friends

I ran with scissors, and lived!

You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder

You know it's going to be a bad day when you fall out of bed and miss the floor

Friends will always be like "well you deserve better" but best friends will be prank calling him saying "you will die in seven days"

When life gives you lemons, alter their DNA and make SUPER LEMONS!

My friend's the kind of person that breaks the silence at a funeral by screaming "KUNG POW CHICKEN"

I'm the kind of girl who will burst out laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened yesterday.

Fergie taught me how to spell delicious and glamorous. But not so much tastey!

P.S I never changed, I just got tired of pretending I was happy.

BRB, I'm busy trying to jump off the roof with the kitchen broom.

Taste the rainbow- Eat CRAYONS

Be nice to losers. One day they might be cool!

There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.

Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers.

What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.'

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling?

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

Worst excuse for not turning in homework: I couldn't find anyone to copy it from.

The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.

He who laughs last didn't get it.

When there's a will, I want to be in it.

Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking.

Some people are alive today, simply because it is illegal to kill them.

If you love someone set them free! If they don't come back, hunt them down and kill them.

The reason attempted suicide is illegal: The government can't tax you if you're dead.

I am the girl that doesn't go to school dances, or games, and when I do go, I sit in a corner and read a book. I am the girl that people look through when I say something. I am the girl that spends most of her free time reading, writing, or doing other activities that most teenagers wouldn't call normal. I am the girl that people call weird and a freak either behind my back or to my face. I am the girl that doesn't spend all her time on MySpace, or talking to a friend on a cell phone or regular phone. I am the girl that hasn't been asked out in more than a year. I am the girl that has stopped to smell the flowers and jump and splash in the rain. BUT I am also the girl who knows and is proud to be who she is, doesn’t care if people call her weird (it's a compliment),who loves reading and writing and doing the things that no one seems to have the time to do any more, who loves and is obsessed with Twilight, who can express herself better with words than actions, who doesn't need a guy to complete her (yet it would be nice) and knows the importance of the little things. Copy and paste this onto your account, and add your name to the list, if you are anything like me, so the girls who are different and unique can know in their weakest time that they are unique but not alone.:HarryArtemis1220, edwardcullenissosexy, Pixel Alice, ME LOVEY JAZZY, Gandalf the Grey-Edelwiess, DoYouReallySeeMe, Potter's Angels, CelticHeiressFiona, The Love Dragon, I-am-a-slash-addict, Kactus Wrynn, Darkestfury, forest stalker, Kyra Maree Macntosh, Jayne Swan

IMPORTANT THINGS MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME!

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished
cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of
next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the
store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck?"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't
have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that
way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favourite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

If I were in Harry Potter World:

- I'd have a white snake called mella

- I'd be a Slytherin or Gryffindor

- My favorite class would be DADA or Muggle studies

- I'd rather be a pure blood

- My Patronus form would a wolf or phoenix

- I would really hate Potions because Snape is a greasy sline ball git and a half

-I would sing like there was no tomorrow

-I would be an animagus and my animagus form would be a horse sized wolf. (just like in Twilight SQUEEEEEEE)

- If I could choose three friends to bring with me, I'd choose Eagle ice, The purple eyed fox and Fyre Maree Macntosh