Name:Angel

Age:18

Like:playing sports,talking with friends,and a lot more.

Funny Stuff:

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and 12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 C.
The Russians used a pencil.

Yesterday I was at the local Wal-Mart. Now I was only in there for about 5 minutes and when I came out, there he was - a damn Motorcycle cop writing a parking ticket ...
So, I went to him and said: "Come on Buddy, how about giving a guy a break?"
He simply ignored me and continued writing the ticket.
So, I called him a pencil necked Nazi. He then glared at me and started writing another ticket for having bald tires!
So, I called him a sorry excuse for a human being. He then finished the second ticket and put it on the car with the first. Then he started to write a third ticket!
This went on for about 25 minutes ... the more I abused and hurled insults at him, the more tickets he wrote ...
But hey, I didn't give a damn. My car was parked around the corner ...

Trial. A small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand in a trial, a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"
She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a rising big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"
She again replied, "Why, yes I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. I used to baby-sit him for his parents. And he, too, has been a real disappointment to me. He's lazy, bigoted, he has a drinking problem. The man can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the shoddiest in the entire state. Yes, I know him."
At this point, the judge rapped the courtroom to silence and called both counselors to the bench. In a very quiet voice, he said with menace, "If either of you asks her if she knows me, you'll be jailed for contempt!"

On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field and civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the middle.
One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, "What time is it?" The tower responded, "Who is calling?" The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?" The tower replied "It makes a lot of difference.
If it is an American Airlines flight, it is 3 o'clock.
If it is an Air Force plane, it is 1500 hours.
If it is a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells.
If it is an Army aircraft, the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 3.
If it is a Marine Corps aircraft, it's Thursday afternoon and 120 minutes to "Happy Hour."

THING YOU WOULDN'T KNOW WITHOUT MOVIES
1) During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.
2) All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.
3) The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty.
4) When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out a bill - just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.
5) Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night, you should open the fridge door and use that light instead.
6) Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment.
7) A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of Wembley Stadium.
8) It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.
9) A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
10)It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
11) Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.
12) An electric fence powerful enough to kill a large dinosaur will cause no lasting damage to an eight-year-old child.
13) If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.
14) It is not necessary to say hello or goodbye when beginning or ending phone conversations.
15) Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German you need not speak the language. A German accent will do.
16) Even when driving down a perfectly straight road it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.
17) The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
18) You're very likely to survive any battle in any war - unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
19) A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince in agony when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
20) If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St. Patrick's Day parade- at any time of the year.
21) All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.
22) It's easy for anyone to land a plane, providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.
23) Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving.
24) Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family every morning, even though the husband and children never have time to eat them.
25) Cars and trucks that crash will almost always burst into flames.
26) If a killer is lurking in your house, it's easy to find him. Just relax and run a bath - even if it's the middle of the afternoon.
27) Wearing a singlet or stripping to the waist can make a man invulnerable to bullets.
28) Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.
29) All single women have a cat.
30) Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.
31) One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them all than 20 men firing at one.
32) Most people keep a scrapbook of newspaper cutting - especially if any of their family or friends has died in a strange boating accident.
33) When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your room will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.
34) Dogs always know who's bad and will naturally bark at them
35) When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.
36) Action heroes never face charges for manslaughter or criminal damage despite laying entire cities to waste.
37) Whenever a natural or man-made disaster is about to occur, the hero escapes (alive) nano second before its too late and is catupulted into the air by the force- but is never harmed
38) No matter how badly a spaceship is attacked, its internal gravity system is never damaged.
39) If there is a deranged killer on the loose, this will coincide with a thunderstorm that has brought down all the power and phone lines in the vicinity.
40) You can always find a chainsaw whenever you're likely to need one.
41) All Americans have phones which can reach throughout the house-even if it has a cord. If its cordless- you can pick up perfect reception all around the house...unless there is a insane killer about
42) All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.
43) Guns are like disposable razors - if you run out of bullets, just throw the gun away. You can always buy a new one.
44) Make-up can safely be worn to bed without smudging.
45) Building ventilation ducts are always clean.
46) Film stars are always super-human- they never need to use the bathroom
47) Any computer, anywhere, even in the jungle, can hack into the most secure goverment system.
48) Any aliens from outer space that you meet will speak your language.
49) No matter how many times you punch someone they will always come back for more - and their wounds have healed dramtically the next day
50) All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555.
51) All handcuffs can easily be opened with nothing more than a paper clip.
52) Grocery shopping bags are made out of brown paper and there is always enough shopping to fill two bags exactly.
53) If you need to open a locked door make sure you have a credit card handy, that will do. Unless its the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.
54) If you need to reload your gun, you will always have more ammunition - even if you haven't been carrying any before now.
55) If your town is threatened by an imminent natural disaster or killer beast, the mayor's first concern will be the tourist trade or his forthcoming art exhibition.
56) Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization.
57) No-one involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock.
58) When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.
59) Large loft-style apartments in New York City are well within the price range of most people - whether they are employed or not.
60) At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.
61) Should you decide to defuse a bomb don't worry which wire to cut. You will always choose the right one.
62) Honest and hard working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before their retirement.
63) If you are blonde and pretty, it is possible to become a world expert on nuclear fission at the age of 22.
64) Even if you've been set up for murder, been framed and you have the whole world wide police force hunting you down, you will automatically live happliy ever after as long as you break away from the police and kill the bad guy.
65) If you desire to send any car into flame for any given reason, just shoot it three times, even though in real life you could stand right infront of a vechile and shoot the gun into the gas tank, it wouldn't ignite the fuel, only 1 or 2 bullets in the world can cause a spark, and it seems every police man in movies who blow up vehicles have those bullets!
66) Any woman who has just witnessed her father ,(brother, husband, family member ect.) killed right there in front of her, will never be traumatized , mourn, or be effected in anyway to resist making love to the hero who saved her!
68) Why when the hero of the movie gets the girl at the end , it seems like they will live happily ever after, yet doesn't even mention her name or remember her in sequels!
69)You never need to look up the phone number for the pizza delivery service and the delivery guy is always psychic -you never need to tell him where you live or what you want on your pizza.
70) After witnessing a horrible crime being committed- don't call the cops, instead conduct your own Private Eye investigation.
71) If a lifetime of watching movies has taught me anything at all, it's to MAKE SURE that a captured secret agent is dead BEFORE you walk away from your miscellaneous torture device.
72) That, and to always look behind you when you hear menacing violin music begin to play.
73) In school, teachers will always be interrupted mid-sentence by the end-of-class bell.
74) Rather than wasting bullets, Megalomaniacs prefer to kill their arch enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gases, lasers and man-eating sharks which will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.
75) Never disarm a bomb unless it has one second left on the timer. The same goes for escaping from areas with a timed locking mechanism.
76) Always trust the most annoying person you can find because he/she will always survive.
77) If you are being chased by zombies run as fast as you can, even though they can barely walk they will still catch up with you.
78) Secret agents cannot drown because they have special lungs that allow them to breathe forever.
79) If someone you love dies then start mourning and crying, doing so will mean that they will then magically appear in front of you!
80) If someone or something is about to kill you and you have a gun then you are screwed because even if you have a loaded gun, the bullets will mysteriously disappear once you start shooting.
81) If you are in a vehicle and you have a vision of a huge accident and then get out of it then beware, because afterwards, any random object could kill you in any random way.
82) If your wife is having an affair, never kill the person she is having it with, you may have to eat him the next day.
83) No matter what your mission is you will be given the lastest gadget (or have it installed in your car), which will be the exact thing you need to complete your mission (and it will always work). Also no matter how much experince and trainning someone has shoting, they will always miss the hero.
84) No matter how fast someone runs through the woods, the killer will be able to walk and manage to get just in front of the person as they fall or turn around.
85) All of the killers victims will fall out of trees and become visible only when the last person alive is running for their lives.
86) Being a camp counselor at a summer camp is as good as a death sentence
87) All zombies roaming the streets have only been bit once or twice, yet when a zombie gets someone on screen they always tear them to pieces
88) You always forget to check the back seat of your car when a killer is after you.
89) No matter what disaster you just went through, you will still have every item of clothing still on your body. Only now it's slightly ripped, damp, dirty or scorched.
90) A 18 wheeler will always lose control when you are stalled in the middle of the road.
91) Most any automobile will get stuck on the tracks when the train is yards away.

20 ways to maintain a healthy level of insanity:

1)at lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. see if they slow down.
2)Page yourself over the intercom. don't disguise your voice.
3)every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
4) put your garbage can on your desk and label it "In"
5) put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
6)in the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors" (yes, my MOM sent this to me! god I love that woman!)
7) Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy"
8) dont use any punctuation
9) as often as possible, skip rather than walk
10) Ask people what sex they are. laugh hysterically after they answer.
11) specify that your drive-through order is "to go"
12) sing along at the opera
13) go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme
14) put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day
15) five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because your not in the mood.
16) Have you co-workers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard.
17) WHEN THE MONEY COMES OUT OF THE ATM, SCREAM "I WON! I WON!"
18) when leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot yelling, "Run for your lives! they're loose!"
19) tell your children over dinner, "due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."
20) send this e-mail to someone to make them smile. it's called therapy.”

Things to do in a elevater

" 1) CRACK open your briefcase or handbag, peer Inside and ask "Got enough air in there?"
2) STAND silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.
3) WHEN arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.
4) GREET everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.
5) MEOW occasionally.
6) STARE At another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM" - and back away slowly
7) SAY -DING at each floor.
8) SAY "I wonder what all these do?" And push all the red buttons.
9) MAKE explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
10) STARE, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on."
11) WHEN the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"
12) TRY to make personal calls on the emergency phone.
13) DRAW a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space."
14) WHEN there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.
15) PUSH the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
16) ASK if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.
17) HOLD the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?"
18) DROP a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!"
19) BRING a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.
20) PRETEND you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the Passengers.
21) SWAT at flies that don't exist.
22) CALL out "Group hug" then enforce it."

Copy and Paste Stuff

Weird is good. Strange is bad. Odd is what you call someone who you can't decide what to call them. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, which means weird is good! If you are weird and proud of it, copy this onto your profile

55 percent of people yawn after seeing someone yawn, in fact, reading about yawning will make some people yawn. If, after or while reading this, you yawned, copy and paste this in your profile,

If you have ever run into a door, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever tripped over air, copy this into your profile.

If someone has ever said something to you that had nothing to do with your current conversation, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever said something that had nothing to do with your current conversation, copy and paste this into your profile!

If you are insane, copy and paste this into your profile.

92 percent of American teens would die if Abercombie and Fitch told them it was uncool to breathe. Copy this in your profile if you would be the 8 percent that would be laughing your ass off! (I'm not an American)

98 percent of teenagers smoke or have tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who haven't, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you ran up a down escalator copy this into your profile

If you like sitting on top of things because your vertically challenged copy and paste this into your profile!

If you know a video game charecter or video game weapon that need(s) to exsist, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy this on your profile.

If you are aware that so many people nowadays pretend to be someone they're not, copy this on your profile.

My best friend is insane. If you agree, or if you have an insane friend, copy this into your profile!

If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever fallen up the stairs copy this into your profile

If you have ever tripped down the stairs copy this into your profile.

If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason, copy and paste this into your profile

If you know someone who should be run over by a bus, copy this to your profile.

If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vice versa copy this into your profile

Ninety-five percent of the kids out there are concerned with being popular and fitting in. If you're part of the five percent who aren't, copy this, put it in your profile, and add your name to the list. Ghetto Anime Princess, AnimeKittyCafe, Hyperactivley Bored, Gem W, Bara-Minamino, Yavie Aelinel, Crazy Billie Joe Loving Freak, Shadow929, SweetNCrazieSugarmuffin,The Komodo Dragon Phoenix, Bust_A_Groover, Takahane, Fire Thief, Sarah303, Coco Gash Niccals,cheerleader101,Sangorulz, Twilight's Truth

If you have ever been so obsessed with something that now everyone is scared of you because of its effects copy this into your profile

If you have ever laughed maniacally, choked and/or gagged from lack of oxygen, and then fainted dramatically, copy and paste this onto onto your profile

If you like smiley faces, then copy this into your profile:D

If you hate those irritating mosquitoes giving you mosquito bites copy this in your profile.

If you hate those obnoxious preppy people PLEASE copy this in your profile.

If you and your friends have a nickname, title, or anything else for each other, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you've ever wondered what you are like in another dimension, copy and paste this in your profile.

Even when you can’t see him GOD is there! If you believe in GOD put this in your profile.

There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile.

If you don't watch Laguna Beach or the O.C. or The Hills religiously, never have, never will, and are proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever been hit in the face with a ball and started laughing maniacally, copy and paste this into your profile. (I'm not sure, but I clearly remember my glasses got knocked off.)

If you believe that preps travel in packs then place this on your profile.

If you hear voices in your head, copy and paste this onto your profile!

If you hear voices in your head and know that they are real put this on your profile.

If you have ever slapped your self on the head and/or banged your head on a table for no reason put this on your profile.

If you have ever want to scream to the world that you hate/like someone copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever stayed up for over 40 hours continuously just because you frickin' COULD, copy this into your profile (Almost, but I want to!)

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuudge! If you are really random put this on your profile.

If you have answered a question by saying "Penguins" when penguins had NOTHING to do with what you were talking about, copy this into you're profile.

If you think that Mickey Mouse and his friends seriously went to a bar, copy this to your profile.

If you think that I think that you think that I think that you think that I am totally spazzing out right now with the 'If you thinks' copy this to your profile already!

If you think that I'm making you think too much, copy this to your profile.

If you have a very wide range of interests, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think that if girls should rule the world and it would be a better place then copy this onto your profile.

If you have sibling(s) that drive you crazy then copy this onto your profile.

If there are times when you wanna annoy people just for the heck of it, copy this into your profile.

If you belive that the pink bunnies of doom are really out to get you copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have broke out in tears for no reason, and then laughed while still crying copy and paste this onto your profile!

If you have ever walked into a room then forgot what you were doing, then started walking away and remembered copy this into your profile.

If you have ever been watching a T.V show, and when the commercials came on you forgot what you were watching copy this into your profile.

If you have ever had a random song pop into your head at the most completely and utter worst time but you sing it anyway copy this into your profile.

98 of the internet population has a Myspace. If you're part of the 2 that can resist stupid fads, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have ever been flamed, copy this into your profile.

If your profile is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer

If you get a kick out of explosions, copy and paste this to your profile.

If there are times when you wanna annoy people just for the heck of it, copy this into your profile.

I solemly swear that anyone who flames my stories will get a flame back. FIGHT FIRE WITH FIRE! BEAT OUT THE FLAMES! If you agree (or hate flamers), copy this into your profile.

If you noticed that the Kim Possible movie, So the Drama, has the initials, STD, which also stands for Sexually Transmitted Disease, and find that very creepy, copy this into your profile.

If you're easily confussed or confuzzled add this to your profile.

If, for no warning, you have laughed during a movie part that wasn't funny, put this in your profile.

If you have ever gotten so completely sidetracked in a conversation that you don't remember why you were talking in the first place, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy this into your profile.

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile

For me, crazy is a loose term. Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you just what you find so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when you have an hour long sob-fest, then start singing and dancing when your favorite song plays. Crazy is when you do or say a totally random thing, like "do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or start having a thumbwar with yourself (i find that i am a very tough opponent). So if you're crazy, copy this onto your profile.

If you and your friends have a nickname, title, or anything else for each other, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you've ever wondered what you are like in another dimension, copy and paste this in your profile.

Just because we eat animals for food doesn't mean we can cut them up for clothing! If you are against fur coats, clothing, boots, etc. copy this into your profile! Did you know that to get the fur, they club, drown, and anal eletrocute the poor animals. And why are they so cruel? Because they don't want to ruin the furs! Now copy this into your freakin' profile, dammit!

If you are a Nejiten fan then copy and paste this into your profile

If you are a Sasusaku fan then copy and paste this into your profile

If you think that Sasuke from Naruto completely has to have the nick-name 'Chicken Butt Hair Dude', copy this to your profile while laughing your ass off.

If you sometimes talk to yourself copy and paste this onto your profile.

Paste this in your profile if you're a procrastination addict.

If Fanfiction to you is what MySpace is to other people, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, copy this into your profile

If you have siblings that drive you crazy copy and paste this into your profile

If you love Naruto so much you wish the characters were real or you were one of them copy and paste this into your profile

If you're hyper, like being hyper, and are hyper all the time, COPY THIS INTO YOUR PROFILE!

If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile

If you hear voices of the characters in your head...copy and paste this on your profile.

If people think you are mentally insane...copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile.

If you ever read past two in the morning, copy and paste this to your profile.

Admitting you are weird means you are normal. Saying that you are normal is odd. If you admit that you are weird and like it, copy this onto your profile.

If you are random and don't care, copy and paste this onto your profile. (I'd rather be random and unpopular than unrandom and popular any day!)

I like cheese. I have seen purple cows. If two gooses are geese, then why aren't two moose meese, or when two foots are feet, why aren't two footballs feetball? Milk tastes good. People call me crazy, which I am, but I'm also random! If you're random and proud of it, copy and paste this in your profile!

If you talk to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have a mad fasanation with the Japanese culture, copy and past this into your profile.

If you think that if girls should rule the world and it would be a better place then copy this onto your profile.

If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy this into your profile.

98 percent of the internet population has a myspace. If you're part of the 2 that can resist stupid fads, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have your own little world copy and paste this into your profile

Recent studies showed that 92 precent of teenagers have moved on to rap. If you're part of the 8 percent that stayed with rock, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile. Drew from pokemon and May may not be included. if you don't get it copy and paste this to your profile. (I get it, HAH!)

If you think that I think that you think that I think that you think that I am totally spazzing out right now with the 'If you thinks' copy this to your profile already!!

Put this in your profile if you didn't know the Alphabet Song, Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, and Baa Baa Black Sheep had the same tune, and were all composed by Mozart.

(o.o) Help pokemon rule the world! Copy this on your profile!

-('o'-) -('o'-) -('o'-) -('o'-)

Copy and paste this into your profile to make the Congo line LONG! Make sure to add another person at the end of the Congo line when you put this into your profile! IT'S TIME TO PARTY!

You stare because im different...( 0.0) ('.'= ) ('.'= ) ('.'= )I stare because you're all the same.

.•´¸•´¨) ¸.•¨)¸.•´¸.•´¨) ¸.•¨)
(¸.•´ (¸.•´~ pass the ribbon around if you know someone that has survived, DIED, or is living with cancer.

If you have every been in a website that is rated T when your only ten copy and paste this to your profile.

If you know someone who is four and watches movies rated PG-13 copy and paste this to your profile.

If your profile is longer than the chapters of most of your stories copy and paste this to your profile.

I went to a birthday party, And remembered what you said. You told me not to drink at all, So I had a Sprite instead.
I felt proud of myself, The way you said I would, That I didn't choose to drink and drive, Though some friends said I should.
I knew I made a healthy choice and, Your advice to me was right, As the party finally ended, And the kids drove out of sight.
I got into my own car, Sure to get home in one piece, Never knowing what was coming, Something I expected least.
Now I'm lying on the pavement, And I hear the policeman say, "The kid that caused this wreck was drunk." His voice seems far away.
My own blood is all around me, As I try hard not to cry. I can hear the paramedic say, "This girl is going to die."
I'm sure the guy had no idea, While he was flying high, Because he chose to drink and drive, That I would have to die.
So why do people do it, Knowing that it ruins lives? But now the pain is cutting me, Like a hundred stabbing knives
Tell sister not to be afraid, Mom, Tell daddy to be brave, And when I go to heaven, Put "Daddy's Girl" on my grave.
Someone should have taught him, That it's wrong to drink and drive. Maybe if his mom and dad had, I'd still be alive.
My breath is getting shorter, I'm getting really scared. These are my final moments, And I'm so unprepared.
I wish that you could hold me Mom, As I lie here and die. I wish that I could say, I love you and good-bye.
DON'T DRINK AND DRIVE! If you too are against drunk driving, add this to your profile and add your name to the bottom -- .

~NoOnesGal1848, Sakura-Cherry-Blossom-Chan, Honatetsu Kiyasha, Lycoris Calantha~

This story is about a little girl that was abused. If you care at all, paste this in your profile:

My name is May, I am but three, My eyes are swollen, I cannot see,
I must be stupid, I must be bad, What else could have made, My daddy so mad?
I wish I were better, I wish I weren't ugly, Then maybe my mommy, Would still want to hug me.
I can't speak at all, I can't do a wrong. Or else I'm locked up, All the day long
When I awake I'm all alone, The house is dark. My folks aren't home. When my mommy does come
I'll try and be nice, So maybe I'll get just. One whipping tonight, Don't make a sound!
I just heard a car, My daddy is back. From Charlie's Bar. I hear him curse
My name he calls, I press myself, Against the wall. I try and hide
From his evil eyes, I'm so afraid now, I'm starting to cry. He finds me weeping
He shouts ugly words, He says its my fault. That he suffers at work. He slaps me and hits me
And yells at me more, I finally get free, And I run for the door. He's already locked it
And I start to bawl, He takes me and throws me, Against the hard wall. I fall to the floor
With my bones nearly broken, And my daddy continues, With more bad words spoken. "I'm sorry!", I scream
But its now much too late. His face has been twisted, Into unimaginable hate. The hurt and the pain
Again and again, Oh please God, have mercy! Oh please let it end! And he finally stops
And heads for the door, While I lay there motionless, Sprawled on the floor. My name is May
And I am but three, Tonight my daddy, Murdered me.
Child abuse, MAKE IT STOP!

OBITUARY FOR THE LATE MR. COMMON SENSE

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense,who has been with us for many years.No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the rain; why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't always fair; and Maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6 year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get Parental consent to administer Calpol, sun lotion or a band-aid to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason.

He is survived by his 3 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.

TRUE FRIENDSHIP...

Are you tired of those asinine "friendship" poems with decent intentions, but never actually come close to reality? Well, here's a collection of promises that actually speak of true friendship.

1. When you are sad - I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.

2. When you are blue - I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

3. When you smile - I will know you finally got laid.

4. When you are scared - I will rag on you about it every chance I get.

5. When you are worried - I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining.

6. When you are confused - I will use little words.

7. When you are sick - Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.

8. When you fall - I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.

random things that seem to have some connection to our world

A good friend will bail you out of jail, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying "damn that was fun".

Forgive your enemies. It messes up their heads.

If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop digging!

The optimist proclaims we live in the best of all possible worlds; the pessimist fears it is true.

My mind works like lightning...one brilliant flash and it's gone.

I love Deadlines! i like the whoosh noise they make as they go by.

Curiosity killed the cat, and satisfaction brought it back.

In a dog-eat-dog world the best thing to do is become a cat.

If the good die young then the bad die old; thus leaving us with only politicans left.

Goldfish have the memory span of 3 seconds, sometimes i have to wonder if i'm a goldfish.

A simple friend wonders about your romantic history A real friend could blackmail you with it!

A simple friend doesn't know your parents' first names A real friend has their phone numbers in his address book.

A simple friend, when visiting, acts like a guest. A real friend opens your refrigerator and helps themselves.

When life gives you lemons ... squirt the juice in your enemy's eyes!

BUNNY IS GONE! FF.NET MADE THEM DISAPPEAR!

Stuff to do in a shopping mall
Based on an Email from Sanjay & Mike. Thanks Dudes :-)

1. Ride mechanical horses with coins fished out of the reflecting pond.

2. Try pants on backwards at the Gap. Ask the salesperson if they make your butt look big.

3. Dial 900 numbers from demonstration phones in Radio Shack.

4. Sneeze on the sample tray at Hickory Farms and helpfully volunteer to consume its now unwanted contents.

5. At the bottom of an escalator, scream "MY SHOELACES! AAAGH!"

6. Ask the sales personnel at the music store whether inflated CD prices are in pesos or rubles.

7. Teach pet store parrots new vocabulary that makes them unsellable.

8. Stomp on unopened tomato ketchup packets at Burger King...

9. ...but save a few to slurp on as snacks. Tell people that they're "astronaut food."

10. Follow patrons of B. Dalton's around while reading aloud from "Dianetics."

11. Ask mall cops for stories of World War II.

12. Ask a salesman why a particular television set is labeled black and white and insist that it's a color set. When he disagrees, give him a strange look and say, "You mean you really can't see it?"

13. Construct a new porch deck in the tool department of Sears.

14. Wear pancake makeup and new clothes and pose as a fashion dummy in clothes departments, occasionally screaming without warning.

15. Test mattresses in your pjyamas.

16. Ask the tobaccanist if his hovercraft is full of eels.

17. If you're patient, stare intently into a surveillance camera for an hour while rocking from side to side.

18. Sprint up the down escalator.

19. Stare at static on a display tv and challenge other shoppers whether they, too, can see the "hidden picture."

20. Ask appliance personnel if they have any tv's that play only in Spanish.

21. Make unusual requests at the Piercing Pagoda.

22. Ask a salesperson in the hardware department how well a particular saw cuts through bone.

23. At the pet store, ask if they have bulk discounts on gerbils, and whether there's much meat on them.

24. Hula dance by the demonstration air conditioner.

25. Ask for red-tinted lenses at the optometrist.

26. Sneak up on saleswomen at the perfume counter and spray them with your own bottle of Eau de Swane.

27. Rummage through the jelly bean bin at the candy store, insisting that you lost a contact lens.

28. Ask a saleswoman whether a particular shade of panties matches the color of your beard.

29. In the changing rooms, announce in a singsong voice, "I see London, I see France..."

30. Leave on the plastic string connecting a new pair of shoes, and wander around the mall taking two-inch steps.

31. Play the tuba for change.

32. Ask the Hamond organ dealer if he can play "Like a Virgin."

33. Record belches on electronic sampling keyboards, and perform gastric versions of Jingle Bells for admiring onlookers.

34. Ask the pharmacist at the drugstore which leading cold remedy will "give you a really wicked buzz."

35. Ask the personnel at Pier 1 Imports whether they have "any giant crap made out of straw."

36. "Toast" plastic gag hot dogs in front of the fake fireplace display.

37. Collect stacks of paint brochures and hand them out as religious tracts.

38. Ask the information desk for a pram(stroller), and someone to push you around in it.

39. Change every TV in the electronics department to a station showing "Saved by the Bell." Chant the dialogue in a robotic voice, and scream if anyone tries to switch channels on one of the sets.

40. Hang out in the waterbed section of the furniture department wearing a Navy uniform. Occasionally run around in circles yelling "scratch one flattop!"

41. Hand a stack of pants back to the changing room attendant and scornfully announce that none of them are "leakproof."

42. "Play" the demo modes of video games at the arcade. Make lots of explosion noises.

43. Stand transfixed in front of a mirror bobbing your head up and down.

44. Pay for all your purchases with two-dollar bills to provoke arguments over whether they're real.

45. If it's Christmas, ask the mall Santa to sit on your lap.

46. Answer any unattended service phones that ring in department stores and say "Domino's."

47. Try on flea collars at the pet store while occasionally pausing to scratch yourself.

48. At the stylist, ask to have the hair on your back permed.

49. Show people your driver's license and demand to know "whether they've seen this man."

50. Buy a jawbreaker from the candy store. Return fifteen minutes later, fish it out of your mouth, and demand to know why it hasn't turned blue yet.

51. Get boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they don't realise it.

52. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 3 in housewares," and see what happens.

53. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission Impossible."

54. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"

55. Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.

56. Make a trail of orange juice on the floor, leading to the restrooms.

57. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.

58. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.

59. Switch the men's and women's signs on the doors of the restrooms.

60. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from the bedding department.

61. In the auto department practice your Madonna look using different size funnels.

62. Hide in the clothing rack and when people browse through say, 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

63. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker assume the fetal position and mumble, 'It's those voices again'.

64. Go into a fitting room and yell real loud, "Hey! We're out of toilet paper in here!"

65. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.

66. Hold indoor shopping cart races.

67. "Test" the tooth brushes. Afterwards, place them back on the shelves in their packaging.

68. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't seen you in so long!..." etc. and see if they play along to avoid embarrassment.

69. Ride Escalators up and down.

70. Take objects off counters and place them in unsuspecting shoper's baggages.

71. Place "Kick me " signs on unsuspecting mall cops.

72.Stand by picture booths, when a couple is about to take a picture, immedialey jump in with a good excuse.

73. Unleash a box full of ants in stores.

74. Pretend you are answering to someone very loudly, when people tell you to be quiet yell "Shut up I am talking to the voices".

75. At fast food restaurant areas, show people your scabs, blisters and moles.

76. Well people are about to buy a video game tell them its not so good, the trick is to see how many people you can convince not to buy a game.

77.

78. Free the animals in the pet store, tell the store owner the voices in your head told you to complete this task.

42 Things That Will Make Your Parents Go Crazy.
Emailed by a friend

1. Follow them around the house everywhere...

2. Moo when they say your name...

3. Run into walls...

4. Say that wearing clothes is against your religion...

5. Stand over them at four in the morning with a huge grin on your face and say, good morning sunshine...

6. Pluck someone's hair out and yell, "DNA"...

7. Wear a sticker that says, "I'm a retard"...

8. Have 20 imaginary friends that you talk to all the time...

9. In public yell, "No Mom/Dad, I will not make out with you!!"...

10. Do what they actually tell you...

11. Jump off the roof, trying to fly...

12. Hold their hand and whisper to them, I see dead people...

13. At everything they say yell, Liar...

14. Try to swim in the floor...

15. Tap on their door all night...

16.Pretend to have amnesia...

17.Say everything backwards...

18.Give yourself a swirly...

19.Run around with a lamp shade on your head yelling, "the sun!! it's dying!!"...

20.Sing at the top of your lungs while running around the house...in your underwear...

21.Have nervous spasms at spontaneous times...

22.Snort loudly when you laugh and then laugh harder...

23.Run in circles...

24.Recite a whole movie 3 times...

25.Pretend to beat yourself up...

26.Chase/bark at the mail man...

27.Wear your pants on your head and your shirt on your waist... tell them you're making a fashion statement...

28.Try and drink out of a glass the wrong way...

29.Super glue your finger up your nose...

30.Talk to a pen...

31.Lay face down and chant like an Indian tribe...

32.Try and climb the wall...

33.Roll on the floor laughing hysterically in supermarkets...

34.Take your ice cream cone and put it one your forehead... say you're a lovely unicorn...

35. Turn the tv on to a station you don't get, watch the static and say you're looking for the pattern...

36.Switch the light button on and off for a while. then say, "ooooh... I get it!!"...

37.Eat your hair...

38.Whatever they are eating, tell them it looks like a certain animal...

39.Eat anything obviously not edible...

40.Say your pet is mocking you and chase it around the house...

41.When you shower or bathe yell, "I'm drowning!!"...

42.Try to snorkel in your fish tank...

WHAT NOT TO SAY TO A POLICE OFFICER!

1) I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. (OK in Texas)

2) Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

3) Aren't you the guy from the Village People?

4) Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!

5) Are You Andy or Barney?

6) I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer

7) You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?

8) I pay your salary!

9) Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!

10) Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.

11) I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are.

12) When the Officer says "Gee Son...Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with,"Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?"

13) What? You need a license to drive?

14) Wow, no wonder your wife sleeps around, with your breath!

15) Is your power a penis substitute?

16) Yes, I know my driving is not 100, but you have to agree that it is still pretty good for someone who is completely drunk

17) Can you come back in 5 minutes? I'm in the middle of a telephone conversation.

18) Oops...I thought you were a prostitute.

19) Do I have any fruits or vegetables? I don't know. Is cocaine a fruit or vegetable?

20) A hundred dollar fine? Well, I think George Washington can change your mind

21) Did you pull me over because of the drugs under the seat, the body in the trunk, or the burned out tail-light?

22) Whoops, that's the fake one... here ya go, this is the one.

23) Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence

24) Is it true that guys become cops because they can't work at McDonald's ?

25) Thanks Officer, that last cop only gave me a warning, too

26) My gun fell off my lap and got lodged on the gas pedal

27) Hey, is that a 9mm ? That's nothing compared to this .44 magnum!

28) Do you have any idea how much of a hurry I'm in?

29) You're lucky this car needs a tune-up or you'd have never caught me

30) In California we drive like that all the time, what's the problem?

31) If you'd try the stuff I just had, you wouldn't be so damn uptight

32) Aren't there real crooks somewhere you should be catching?

33) Well, those two other guys didn't stop for that school bus either

34) Yes, I saw your lights on, but I thought you going to get a doughnut

35) Just had to try out that new siren, didn't you?

36) Do you have any idea who you're talking to?

37) There's no way I was going 85. I had the cruise set at 80.

38) What's wrong, Ossifer? I swear to drunk I'm not God! And really, there is no blood in my alchohol

39) That uniform makes your ass look really big.

40) You don't happen to have any beer in your car?

41) I was going to be cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.

42) So what if I was speeding? Whatcha gonna do about it Mr. Hotshot?

43) I'm not as think as you stoned I am.

44) Officer: "Do you know how fast you were going"
Driver "No I'm too stoned to remember"

Thanks to Simon for the two points above!

45) Its tobacco, honest

46) Hey, i bet i can grab that gun before you finish writing my ticket!

47) Officer: Sir, have you been drinking?
Driver: No, I haven't had any cunts tonight drinkstable.

Area 51 was Established on August 18th 2001 © Copyright H. Bedford. All Rights Reserved.
Things to do at The Movies

1. When you are choosing a seat, point at someone and say loudly in a childish voice, "I don't want to sit to that guy, he smells funny!"

2. Everytime there is a gun shot, scream, "Hit the floooor!", jump to the floor and cover your head.

3. Quote all dialogue five seconds after it's said on screen.

4. Ask the person at the ticket counter "Do you come here often?"

5. Start an standing ovation at the end of the movie.

6. Become a bookie. Take bets on which character (or audience member) will die first.

7. Throw popcorn in the air and yell, "It's snowing"

8. Clap and cheer when the good guys gets killed.

9. During the previews, yell out "Can you fast foward it please?"

10. Try to start a Mexician wave

11. Argue that no-one can sit next to you because the seats alreadly taken by your invisible friend.

12. Stand up during the picture and announce to the others the movies twist.

13. Shout "look behind you!" at the actors.

14. Wear 3D glasses. Complain about how bad the effects are.

15. Everytime someone curses, cover your ears and shout "oh the fucking profanity!"

16. Hum the theme music.

17. Bring a flashlight. During the film, perform a shadow puppet show on the ceiling.

18. Go "Ooooooooooh..." whenever someone kisses.

19. Wear a huge fake afro wig, blocking the person behind you's view.

20. Shout out "Help, I'm a beautiful butterfly"

21. Clap loudly everytime a person walks into the theater late.

22. Enquire what the theater's return policy on popcorn is.

23. Ask a friend to sit four seats beside you and to call you to your mobile phone, answer after a few rings and start to talk loudly about any anoying subjects you can or about the movie. (Suggested by Oscar)

50 Things to do on the First Day of Class
Based on an email from Rebecca

Smoke a pipe and respond to each point the professor makes by waving it and saying, "Quite right, old bean!"

Wear X-Ray Specs. Every few minutes, ask the professor to focus the overhead projector.

Sit in the front row and spend the lecture filing your teeth into sharp points.

Sit in the front and color in your textbook.

When the professor calls your name in roll, respond "that's my name, don't wear it out!"

Introduce yourself to the class as the "master of the pan flute".

Give the professor a copy of The Watchtower. Ask him where his soul would go if he died tomorrow.

Wear earmuffs. Every few minutes, ask the professor to speak louder.

Squint thoughtfully while giving the professor strange looks. In the middle of lecture, tell him he looks familiar and ask whether he was ever in an episode of Starsky and Hutch.

Ask whether the first chapter will be on the test. If the professor says no, rip the pages out of your textbook.

Become entranced with your first physics lecture, and declare your intention to pursue a career in measurements and units.

Sing your questions.

When the professor calls roll, after each name scream "THAT'S MEEEEE! Oh, no, sorry."

Insist in a Southern drawl that your name really is Wuchen Li. If you actually are Chinese, insist that your name is Vladimir Fernandez O'Reilly.

Speak only in rhymes and hum the Underdog theme.

Page through the textbook scratching each picture and sniffing it.

Wear your pajamas. Pretend not to notice that you've done so.

Hold up a piece of paper that says in large letters "CHECK YOUR FLY".

Inform the class that you are Belgian royalty, and have a friend bang cymbals together whenever your name is spoken.

Stare continually at the professor's crotch. Occassionally lick your lips.

Address the professor as "your excellency".

Sit in the front, sniff suspiciously, and ask the professor if he's been drinking.

Shout "WOW!" after every sentence of the lecture.

Bring a mirror and spend the lecture writing Bible verses on your face.

Ask whether you have to come to class.

Present the professor with a large fruit basket.

Bring a "seeing eye rooster" to class.

Feign an unintelligible accent and repeatedly ask, "Vet ozzle haffen dee henvay?" Become aggitated when the professor can't understand you.

Relive your Junior High days by leaving chalk stuffed in the chalkboard erasers.

Watch the professor through binoculars.

Start a "Mexican wave" in a large lecture hall.

Ask to introduce your "invisible friend" in the empty seat beside you, and ask for one extra copy of each handout.

When the professor turns on his laser pointer, scream "AAAGH! MY EYES!"

Correct the professor at least ten times on the pronunciation of your name, even if it's Smith. Claim that the 'i' is silent.

Sit in the front row reading the professor's graduate thesis and snickering.

As soon as the first bell rings, volunteer to put a problem on the board. Ignore the professor's reply and proceed to do so anyway.

Claim that you wrote the class text book.

Claim to be the teaching assistant. If the real one objects, jump up and scream "IMPOSTOR!"

Spend the lecture blowing kisses to other students.

Every few minutes, take a sheet of notebook paper, write "Signup Sheet" at the top, and start passing it around the room.

Stand to ask questions. Bow deeply before taking your seat after the professor answers.

Wear a cape with a big S on it. Inform classmates that the S stands for "stud".

Interrupt every few minutes to ask the professor, "Can you spell that?"

Disassemble your pen. "Accidentally" propel pieces across the room while playing with the spring. Go on furtive expeditions to retrieve the pieces. Repeat.

Wink at the professor every few minutes.

In the middle of lecture, ask your professor whether he believes in ghosts.

Laugh heartily at everything the professor says. Snort when you laugh.

Wear a black hooded cloak to class and ring a bell.

Ask your math professor to pull the roll chart above the blackboard of ancient Greek trade routes down farther because you can't see Macedonia.

Rach emailed me her funny story; "At the start of this year (year 9) we are starting a topic on polygons and the first thing my teacher asked is 'What is a polygon?' My answer was 'A dead parrot'. "

Things to do at a Fast Food Restaurant
Emailed to me by Daniel

Ask for a hamburger, Cry dramatically saying "Did they really have to kill the cow" in a sobbing voice.

Out side of the building, protest that they don't add enough salt on the drinks.

Unleash cockroaches secretly.

Sing a song out loud.

Try to rob the store in a poor manner(where a mask that does not allow you to see, ask people that are not at the counter for money, or at least a trashcan).

Pay for your meal entirely in pennies.

Take your car through the drive-thru in reverse.

Inquire what's in the Secret sauce.

Refuse to give them money until they win at Paper/Rock/Scissors.

Prevent all people from eating until you say a prayer (try and find the longest one).

Threaten to move to Antarctica to strangers who don't treat you nicely.

Ask for a burger that looks more like the pictures.

McDonalds new addition to their menu...

Go to the play place and tell kids strangers have the best candy sand that parents lie cause they don't want you to have it.

Stand by the garbage and prevent people from throwing it out until they pay the fee.

Order a burger, hold the lettuce, tomatoes, meat, buns, ...

Ask the waiter "Would you like fries with that" when they hand you your meal.

When at a drive-thru, order your meal in sign language.

Dress as Ronald McDonald and advice customers not to eat here.

Fun things do during an exam!

Emailed by Blue Lightning!

1. Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say "oh geez, better get cracking" and do some gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes early.

2. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!"

3. Complete the exam with everything you write being backwards at a 90 degree angle.

4. Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at the teacher's left nostril.

5. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.

6. Bring cheerleaders.

7. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About five minutes into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who the hell are you? Where's the regular guy?"

8. Bring a Game Boy. Play with the volume at max level.

9. On the answer sheet find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.

10. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the country" and run off.

11. Fifteen minutes into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas." If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every fifteen minutes.

12. Do the exam with crayons, paint, or fluorescent markers.

13. Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head, and nothing else.

14. Come down with a BAD case of Turet's Syndrome during the exam. Be as vulgar as possible.

15. Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up! For math/science exams, try using Roman numerals.

16. Bring things to throw at the instructor when s/he's not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you.

17. As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it!

18. Walk into the exam with an entourage. Claim you are going to be taping your next video during the exam. Try to get the instructor to let them stay, be persuasive. Tell the instructor to expect a percentage of the profits if they are allowed to stay.

19. Every five minutes, stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, continue with the exam.

Whatever exam you're doing- Good luck everyone!!

Things to During a Boring Lecture

Thanks to Chelsea for Emailing me this.

1. Bring a blowhorn. Use it when you ask or answer a question.

2. Heckle the professor.

3. Hire a video crew to come to the class. If asked about it, say that you have to tape the lecture for a friend.

4. Bring a water gun. Shoot the professor when his back is turned.

5. Get the other students in your row to do the wave.

6. Bring a small chalkboard to class. Ask the professor if you can borrow his chalk to take notes.

7. Contradict everything the professor says. Offer irrefutable scientific proof.

8. If it's a math lecture, claim that the professor misspelled pi.

9. When the professor asks a question, raise your hand. If the professor calls on you, point to someone in the next row and say "He knows." Pick a different person each time.

10. Buy a doll. When you go to class, leave the doll in your chair, along with your notebook and pen. Say that you have an important meeting to go to, and that the doll will be taking notes for you.

11. Bring a typewriter. Use it to take notes.

12. Write a love note. Sign it "a secret admirer". Get someone to pass it to the professor.

13. Get up to go to the bathroom five or six times during the class. Change clothes every time.

14. While taking notes, write vulgar words every few lines. If anyone asks, say you have Tourette's syndrome.

15. Buy a watermelon. Give it to the professor. If he/she asks, say "They were out of apples."

16. Bring a small tape player. Play a tape of the previous lecture. Take notes on both.

17. If it's an English class, ask how the theory of relativity relates to Shakespeare's "Midsummer Night's Dream".

18. Pretend to be asleep until five minutes before the end of class. Then wake up and explain that you missed the lecture, and ask the professor to summarize what he/she talked about.

19. Bring a can of spray paint. Use it to take notes on the classroom wall.

20. Bring a fully-stocked picnic basket to class. Explain that you didn't have time to eat breakfast.

21. Wear a loincloth to class. If anyone asks, say that it is your costume for the school play, and you didn't have time to change out of it.

22. Tear out pages of the textbook and make little origami animals out of them. Have a whole menagerie by the end of class. Give them to the professor as a token of your esteem.

23. Bring a fishing rod. Try to catch things on the professor's desk.

24. Bring a tape player and a tape of a thunderstorm. Keep it hidden. Sometime during the lecture, start the tape, stand up, claim that the professor has angered the gods and leave. Watch to see how many students follow you after the tape starts playing.

25. Make reserved seating cards and place them on the desks before class.

26. Tell the professor you are on a new experimental cold medication that may have strange side effects. Every ten minutes or so, run around the room screaming. Afterward, claim that you have no memory of what just happened.

27. Claim that you are the new student teacher, and that you are to give the lecture for that class. If the professor agrees, lecture on a subject completely opposite the to subject of the class. If the professor objects, say that the students should have a wide range of knowledge.

28. Switch the professor's lecture notes with your history notes from last term.

29. Raise your hand and ask when the movie is going to start.

30. Bring a flash camera. Take pictures every few minutes, using a very bright flash. If anyone complains, say that you didn't see any sign saying you couldn't bring cameras.

31. Bring a light bulb. Hold it over your head whenever you have the answer to a question.

32. Bring an easel and a paint set. Paint a portrait of the professor during the lecture. Say that it is a homework assignment for art class.

33. Sneeze very loudly. Then, have the person next to you sneeze, then the person next to him, and so on. See how long it takes before the professor sneezes.

34. When the professor comes in, say, very loudly, "Hey! A substitute! All right!" Claim that the real professor said you could have lecture outside.

35. Come to class wearing the same outfit as the professor. Call the professor a copycat.

36. If it's a geology lecture, switch the quartz crystals with New Folger's Crystals and see if the professor notices. Have a hidden camera.

37. Hide a ticking clock under the podium. Call in a bomb threat.

38. Write your assignment on Plato on your little sister's modelling clay.

39. Ask questions in a foreign language you know the professor doesn't know. Act angry when he/she doesn't understand you.

40. Come to class dressed as a professional wrestler. Tell people you joined the wrestling team. Bodyslam anyone who doesn't believe you.

41. When the professor comes in, suddenly scream, "NOOOOOO! Not him! Not professor Johnson!! They let him teach again! Noooooooooo!" then run out of them room. See how many people follow you.

42. Turn your row into a mosh pit.

43. Before class starts, turn all the desks upside down. Sit on them like you would normally.

44. One word: Gladiators.

45. Make requests like people do at rock concerts. ("Relativity! Relativity! Einstein rocks!")

46. Bring popcorn. Throw it and the professor. Complain that these trained animal shows aren't what they used to be.

47. Bring a tape player and a tape of the school bell. Play it every 15 minutes.

48. When the professor calls on you, mumble incomprehensibly. Answer every question in this fashion. See how long it takes before the professor stops calling on you.

49. When you take a test, hire a security guard to stand by your desk and make sure no one cheats off your paper.

50. Make up a strange religious cult and distribute flyers for it during class.

Fun Things to do in a Crowded Lift

Thanks to my bestest online buddy Gil, Pol and Andy, my brother John and my bestest school buddies Laura and Sarah for helping with this page.

1)Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.

2) Shake the person's hand when he/she enter the lift.

3) Congratulate all for being in the same lift with you.

4) Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your kleenex to other passengers.

5) Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, all of you just shut UP!".

6) Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.

7) Sell Girl Scout cookies.

8) On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.

9) Shave.

10) Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"

11) Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.

12) Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off

13) When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.

14) Lean over to another passenger and whisper: "Noogie patrol coming!"

15) Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.

16) One word: Flatulence!

17) On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.

18) Do Tai Chi exercises.

19) Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"

20) When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, not now, motion sickness!"

21) Give religious tracts to each passenger.

22) Meow occasionally.

23) Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.

24) Frown and mutter "gotta go, gotta go" then sigh and say "oops!"

25) Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.

26) Sing "Mary had a little lamb" while continually pushing buttons.

27) Holler "Chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends.

28) Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.

29) Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.

30) Burp, and then say "mmmm...tasty!"

31) Leave a box between the doors.

32) Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them.

33) Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers "through" it.

34) Start a sing-along.

35) When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "is that your beeper?"

36) Play the harmonica.

37) Say "Ding!" at each floor.

38) Lean against the button panel.

39) Say "I wonder what all these do" and push the red buttons.

40) Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.

41) Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space."

42) Bring a chair along.

43) Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger: "Wanna see wha in muh mouf?"

44) Blow spit bubbles.

45) Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.

46) Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."

47) Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.

48) Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

49) Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively at other passengers.

50) Stare at your thumb and say "I think it's getting larger."

51) Announce to the person stood next to you "I really need the toilet. Can I use your bag?"

52) Ask the other passengers "Wouldn't be great if this lift were to plumment to the floor, what do you think will happen?"

53) Petend to get your leg stuck in the door as it closes

53) Without letting anyone see, press the emergency stop button. Act surprised and start talking to yourself "its ok, it wasnt your fault you killed your family. It was SATAN, damm you SATAN! DAMN YOU!!" Then press the stop button again and act as if nothing has happened.

54) Scratch yourself excessively saying "fucking headlice. They're all over me. I knew I shouldn't have played with that dog so much"

55) Set out a pinic set on the floor and suggest to the other passengers to join you in afternoon tea

56) Break wind and blame it on the person next to you

57) Pretend your are a repair man here to fix the lift. Wait untill its busy and tell everyone to get out of the lift. You get in, get your paper out and sit and relax

58) Start to talk about your sexlife. Tell them that all of your three children were concived in this very lift. And point and say "it was up against that wall"

59) Have sex with your imaginary friend

60) Say you have just won the lottery and you are on your way to collect your winnings. See how many people are listening to you

61) As the lift descends, shout "Bombs away!"

62) Offer to polish their shoes. When they say no, tell them you need the money to feed your ten starving children back home in Estonia

63) Hand out leaflets - "what to do when the lift cable breaks. The ten tips that will keep your body in one pice (although these tips will not save your life, it will make the rescue a bit cleaner, and we wont have to spend ages cleaning the blood of the walls) Hope you will live to do it again!"

64) Perform a striptease

65) Act surprised when it starts to move and say "THE GROUND IS FALLING!"

66) Fake an orgasam when the lift starts to move. Announce that it was your best ever

67) Let your mobile phone ring - don't anwser it.

68) Walk in to the lift with a clear bottle of apple juice. Start drinking and say "ah, theres nothing like your own urine to quench your first. Does anyone want some?"

69) Say "this new g-sring is really starting to hurt." Then attempt to adjust it.

70) Walk into the lift and say "this reminds me of being burried alive. Ah those were the days"

71) Suggest to the other passengers that you all should play a game of twister. Then get out the board and lie it on the floor

72)Paint the walls of the lift.

73) On entering, ask the passengers "Will you be my fwiend?". Burst into tears if they say no.

74) Stop the lift and say "twenty years in prison for murdering the whole family, and I get stuck in a lift after being out for two hours. Just my luck!"

75) Get back to nature - go in naked

76) Pretend to be the pilot of the lift, speach into a headset "this is lift number 1, ready for decent to 1st floor. Waiting for permission to depart, over"

77) Announce in a computer like voice "this lift will self destruct in 5 4 3 2 ...oh heres my floor"

78) Serve tea and coffee

79) Take shoes off before entering, Look shocked and disgusted when the others dont

80) Act like the sergent of the lift. Order people around. Tell them to get in line.

81) Suggest to the other people that your should play musical statues. Bring a tape recorder along too

82) Teach the people french. Dont let them leave till they get it right

83) As you are coming to the end of the journey, get enmotional and have a group hug. Tell them that you will never forget them.

84) Insist, the lift ride costs £2.50

85) Describe in detail, how you're "hung like a horse"

86) Pretend to be a flight attendant (particularly affective if you are dressed like one), instruct the passengers on what to do in an emergency

87) Yodel

88) Bring out a magnifying glass, closey inspect the other passengers skin and say "ooh, look at your pores"

89) Sing "I know a song that will get on your nerves, get on your nerves, get on your nerves, get, get, get on your nerves" Over and over again.

90) Ask the others "Do you mind if I do my eminem impression?", then bring out a chainsaw and a mask.

91) Try breakdancing

92) Bring out a fake toy gun and shout to the person next to you "you lookin' at me?"

93) Challenge the guy stood next to you to a "thumb war".

94) Explain your ideas of world domination to the wall.

95) Force people to read to Kama Sutra while asking "do you wanna try this one?"

96) Dress up in a long, black cloak with a hood, stare and in a deep voice announce "it is time..."

97) Pretend to see a spider, repeatedly and violently stamp on the floor while screaming "Die you bastard, die DIIEEE!"

98) While the doors are opening, hurriedly whisper, "Hide it...quick!" then whistle innocently.

99) If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler "Bad touch!"

100) Wave hands wildly at invisible flies buzzing around your head.

101) Explain to the passengers that this lift looks the same as the ones on all the other floors.

102) Re-enact scenes from a movie where someone climbs out through the roof.

103) Tell people their clothes are stuck in the lift door, when the look round and see it isn't, apologise, then 5 seconds later say it again in exactly the same tone of voice.

104) Strip naked and ask if 'your' (not my) bum looks big in this dress.

105) Release cockroaches and rats or doves.

106) Ask people which floor they want, say in 'Who want to be a millionaire' style is that your final answer.

107) Point a fire extinguisher at the door as it opens and a passenger tries to enter, ready, aim, and bend the nozzle round and cover yourself with foam.

108) Blast out some heavy metal music (Rammstein or Disturbed oughtta do the trick) sing along, while headbanging.

109) Dress up as a bellboy and ask them what floor they want and press the wrong one. When they try to correct you, spit,"are you trying to say i cant do my job?!'

110) Also in your bellboy act, ask what floor they want. Whatever they say, give them a glare and say "you should be ashamed of yourself!", and leave the lift tutting.

Funny Things to do on an Airplane
All ideas on this page were emailed to me by Frances.

1. At the airport, wear a uniform and claim you are the pilot, get annoyed if they don't believe you but DONT give up, see how far you can get ( WARNING, may result in you being arrested)

2. Whilst boarding the plane, say in a loud voice "THAT WING SURE DOES LOOK RUSTY!!"

3. When everyone is seated, do your own demonstration of what to do in an emergency, let this include 'comical' situations such as "in the (likely) event of the plane setting alight and becoming a plummeting fireball of death, please remember to tighten your seatbelt" look surprised when you are the only one laughing.

4. when the plane is still on the ground, Rock back and forth in your seat and say aloud "THIS TURBULANCE SURE IS ROUGH!!"

5. Wear rags and a headscarf, claim that your name is Svetolafoson Frojhkyhkjuhjdj and that you are being deported back to Estonia, look pleased when your told that this plane is not going there. say "Really?!, u haf not met me if zey ask zen, ok?!"

6. As the plane is landing, adopt the 'Duck and Cover' position as you scream "WE ARE GOING TO CRASH! ONLY DEATH AWAITS US ALL NOW! DEATH I TELLS YA!!" when you land safely, stand up and leave the plane normally, thank the stewardess for a lovely flight.

7. Go in to the toilet and make loud vomiting noises, keep going for a few minutes, then come out and announce to the plane that the toilet is blocked, act like its not your fault.

8. Stand up and ask the passengers if anyone " wants to join the mile high club with you?" wink suggestively at various people...of both sexes.

9. Get the pilot to show you round the cockpit, come out afterwards and say "YOU WOULDN'T HAVE THOUGH HE COULD FLY THE PLANE AFTER SO MUCH VODKA BUT IT JUST SHOWS, THEY REALLY ARE TRUE PROFESIONALS!".

10. Delight your fellow passengers with your impression of a plane crashing in to the sea, complete with sound effects.

11. Enthrall your companions on the plane by telling them that you knew the pilot of Buddy Holly's plane and you're pretty sure he trained at the same place as your current pilot.

12. Give a fact filled guide of the area you are flying over, this can include " And if you look to your right you will see the wreckage of our sister plane, after she was shot at and subsequently crashed in to that mountain side which, as you can see, her burnt out hull remains embedded in, the bodies were never found.'

13. Streak.

14. Occasionally scream...loudly.

15. Get up and announce that you are going to hi-jack the plane, make to get out a gun, but act like its not there, check all your pockets and then say " OH CRAP, I MUST HAVE LEFT IT IN THE OTHER COAT, OK, NEVER MIND!" Sit down like nothing has happened.

16. From the second you take off, every ten seconds say in the same voice "are we there yet?"

17. Keep sniffing around and eventually say in a loud voice "CAN YOU SMELL BURNING?"

18. Go to the cockpit, wait a few second, then come back and say in a loud voice, "UMM SHOULD'NT THERE BE...LIKE...A PILOT?"

19. When your on a small, ten person plane, Inform everyone that you used to be an aerodynamic engineer and this plane is VERY badly built.

20. As you get of the plane, look worried and announce loudly" VAIT A MINUTE, VOT IZ ZIS PLACE?! ZIS IZ NOT POLAND, VERE ZE HELL IZ ZIS?!"

21. If you're flying first class, make sure to sit behind someone. When that person is sleeping, grap your motion sickness bag and vomit in it. After you do that, hold the bag in the air and then pop it on the person. See what happens...

Things to do at the Beach
All ideas on this page were emailed to me by Frances.

1. Re-enact the D-Day landings.

2. Build a sandcastle and stand guard next to it, every hour, do the 'changing of the guard' throwing in the occasional "HALT, WHO GOES, THERE?!"

3. Go in to the sea with a lilo and about half an hour later, climb out looking disorientated and say loudly in an Australian accent " CRIKEY COBBER'S, I WAS AT BONZAI BEACH AN HOUR AGO!! MUSTA FALLEN ASLEEP ON ME LILO!!"

4. (An old, but still funny one!) Whilst in the sea, start thrashing about and scream "SHARKS!!" . Ten minutes later, do it again.

5. (Affective if you're a man). Wear a tight, red swimming costume and run in slow motion in the style of Baywatch, whilst running, flick your hair in an appealing manner.

6. Wear a Penguin costume, climb out the sea puffing and panting, look around and say loudly " OH CRAP! TOOK A WRONG TURNING SOMEWHERE!" go back in to the sea and start swimming away.

7. Bury a hose with water spraying upwards, Tell everyone you dug down to deep and now the beach is sinking.

8. Stagger up the beach in old ripped clothes clutching a matchstick and tell everyone that this is all that is left of your ship.

9. Follow the tide when it leaves and find out where it goes.

10. Practice your ostrich impressions.

11. With some friends, sit in a dinghy wearing German army uniforms, paddle along the shore line and announce" VE TOOK ZE WRONG TURNING, I OPE ZAT VE ARE NOT TOO LATE".

12. with a friend, sing Summer Lovin' in pure Grease style.

13. Dig a hole in the sand and hide in it, when the beach is full, climb out and wearing a prisoners uniform and say "OH, THIS IS'NT MEXICO!!", look back down the hole and say" GO BACK LADS, WE SHOULD HAVE GONE LEFT INSTEAD OF RIGHT!"

14. Have a pebble fight.

15. As the coastguard goes by with his siren on, run along after it happily shouting "ICECREAM MAN! ICECREAM MAN!"

16. Pretend to be a crab, go ahead and nip people.

17. Wear a pirates costume, get someone to dig a hole and say "ARGH ME MATEY'S, WE SHALL BURY THE TREASURE HERE!" and proceed to bury some chocolate coins.

18. Whilst using a pair of binoculars, suddenly shout" IVE FOUND IT!!, ATLANTIS HAS ARISEN!! ISNT IT BEAU...NO HOLD ON, SORRY MY MISTAKE, IT'S THE ISLE OF WHITE, SORRY!"

19. Go around and tell everyone that you have to 'Pay and Display' to use the beach, insist you are the ticket person. Charge a ridiculous amount.

20. Beforehand, place a piece of bloodied meat on the edge of the sea, later go around and ask if anyone has seen your doggie. Say he was playing in the water when you heard someone say SHARKS and you haven't seen him since.

21. Eat sand.

Things to do at a Tennis Match
All ideas on this page were emailed to me by Frances.

1. Shout "GOAAAL!!" when a player gets a point.

2. Blow your nose at crucial moments.

3. Bring along a comically large mobile phone and do your best Dom Jolly impression.

4. As a player is about to serve shout "TAKE AIM...FIRE!!"

5. Start a Mexican wave.

6. Occasionally scream...loudly.

7. Streak.

8. Take Flash photography, if a player complains, say "ooooh, someones a little grumpy just because they're Loosing!"

9. Announce to the crowd your intentions to get an ice cream at the end of the next game, ask if anyone wants one.

10. If a player misses the ball, start Laughing manically and shout "MY GRAN CAN PLAY BETTER THAN YOU!!".

11. During a rally, keep shouting to the players what to do, example: "GO LEFT, NOW RIGHT, RUN..RUUUUUN. LEFT, HIT IT HARDER!!"

12. Loudly Cheer and Root for a player who is not in this match.

13. When a linesman makes a call, stand up and loudly say "HE'S ABSOLUTLY RIGHT YOU KNOW, THAT WAS A SPOT ON CALL" smile at him as you say "NICE ONE!"

14. Sing "TENNIS IS COMING HOME, ITS COMING HOME, ITS COMING HOME,ITS COOOOOOMING, TENNIS IS COMING HOME..." continue...

15. When a ball is clearly 'in' scream "OUT!!" and vice verser.

16. (In a male game) At Match point, shout to one of the players " YOU WERE RIGHT, THE BABY IS'NT YOURS"

17. As the players rest after a game, call to one of them "WE SHOULD HAVE BEEN MORE CAREFUL LAST NIGHT BECAUSE I'VE GOT IT AS WELL NOW!"

18. Throw a pair of knickers at one of the players and shout "YOU LEFT THESE IN MY CAR THE OTHER DAY"

19. Wave a football rattle and keep shouting " WHOOOOOOOO TENNIS!!"

20. At the end of the match, with a look of disbelief on your face start to cry dramatically and wail in a Russian accent " I BET ZE PLANE TICKETS HOME ON YOU VINNING AND YOU HAF LOZT. I HAF NO MONEY TO REPLAZE ZEM!!"

Fun Things to do at work, (to brighten up a dull day and worry your workmates!)
Emailed by Minnie

1. Totally Ignore the first five people who say "Good Morning" to you.

2. Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and say, "just called to say I can't talk right now. Bye".

3. To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace.

4. When someone hands you a piece of paper, finger it, and whisper huskily, "mmmmmm, that feels soooo good!"

5. Leave your fly's open for one hour. If anyone points it out say, "Sorry I really prefer it this way, it lets the smell out".

6. In the middle of a meeting, suddenly shout out YAHTZEE".

7. Walk sideways to the photocopier, crab style.

8. Say to your manager, "I like your style" and shoot him with double-barreled fingers.

9. Babble incoherently at a fellow employee then ask, "Did you get all that, cause I don't want to repeat it".

10. Press the "no cup option" on the coffee machine, kneel down and drink directly from the nozzle.

11. At the end of a meeting, suggest that for once, it would be nice to conclude with the singing of the National Anthem (extra respect if you actually launch into it yourself).

12.Walk into a very busy person's office and while they watch you with growing irritation, turn the light switch off & on 10 times.

13. For an hour, refer to everyone you speak with as "Barbara"

14. After every sentence, say 'Mon' in a really bad Jamaican accent. As in, "the report's on your desk, Mon". Keep this up for 1 hour.

15.In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly and mutter, "Shut up dammit, all of you just shut up".

16. At lunchtime, get down on your knees and announce, "As God as my witness, I will never go hungry again".

17.In a colleague's diary, write in 10:00 am; "see how I look in tights".

18.Carry your keyboard over to your colleague, and ask, "do you want to trade?"

19.Come to work in army camoflauge and when asked why, say,"I can't talk about it".

20. Hang a 2 foot long piece of toilet paper from the back of your trousers, and act genuinely surprised when someone points it out.

21. Disappear into the toilets and emerge with your trousers over your head, then commence a 2 minute sprint around the office whilst holding your hands out to your side and making aeroplane noises. Return back to the toilets, get dressed again and return quietly to your seat as if nothing had happened.

Funny Things to do on your driving test
(By Matt)

1. Rev the engine very high, turn to the examiner and say with an evil stare, "Buckle up"

2. Turn the radio on. When the examiner goes to turn it down or off, slap their hand

3. After the instructor gets in the car, pop the hood, get out and check the oil

4. Fill your car with beer

5. In the middle of driving, hug the examiner

6. Swear and yell at everybody on the road (include parked cars)

7. When you stop at a light, start revving the engine while looking back and fourth between the person next to you at the lights, lean forward, grind your teeth and make animal noises

8. When parking, stop a few feet from distance and get out and push, saying frantically to the instructor "grab the wheel, the cars out of control!"

9. Keep doing the same thing over and over again, like yelling at the person in the rear view mirror to get out of the way, and then say "oh, it's me." Keep doing it

Things to do in a Bathroom Stall
From Steve

1.Stick your palm open under the stall wall and ask your neighbour," May I borrow a highlighter?"

2.Say in disgust "Uh oh, I knew I shouldn't put my lips on that."

3. Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise

4. Say, "Hmmm, I've never seen that colour before."

5. Drop a marble and say, "Oh shit!! My glass eye!!"

6. Say "Damn, this water is cold."

7. Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantaloupe into the toilet bowl from a high place and sigh relaxingly.

8. Say, "Now how did that get there?"

9. Say, "Humus. Reminds me of humus."

10. Fill up a large flask with Mountain Dew. Squirt it erratically under the Stall walls of your neighbours while yelling, "Whoa! Easy boy!!"

11. Say," Interesting...more sinkers than floaters"

12. Using a small squeeze tube, spread peanut butter on a wad of toilet paper and drop under the stall wall of your neighbour. Then say, "Whoops, could you kick that back over here, please eh?

13. Say, "C'mon Mr. Happy! Don't fall asleep on me!!

14. Say, "Boy, that sure looks like a maggot"

15. Say, "Damn, I knew that drain hole was a little too small. Now what am I gonna do?"

16. Play a well known drum cadence over and over again on your butt cheeks.

17. Before you unroll toilet paper, consciously lay down your "Cross-Dressers Anonymous" newsletter on the floor visible to the adjacent stall.

18. Lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall and adjust it so you can see your neighbour and say, "Peek-a-boo!"

19. Drop a D-cup bra on the floor under the stall wall and sing "Born Free"

Things to do on Holiday
All ideas on this page were emailed to me by Frances.

1. Take and read from a phrase book of the wrong language.

2. When checking in to your hotel, claim your name is Sir Admiral Lord Vertragdensf of Russia and that you are booked in to the penthouse suite. Get annoyed and shout in Russian if they say you're not on the register.

3. When your on the beach, say in a loud voice "OH, THIS IS THE BEACH I READ ABOUT IN THE PAPER, THE SEA IS ABSOLUTLY FULL OF SHARKS, 10 PEOPLE WERE KILLED AND EATEN LAST MONTH ALONE!!"

4. When you're on a boat trip, gently start to weep as you sing Rule Britannia. Salute and stand to attention as you do so.

5. Later, go up to the front of the boat and give your best performance of Titanic (helps if you have a friend with you for this one).

6. In America - Claim to be from the past and tell everyone that George Washington used to be Georgina Washington, "I Mean, Look at the hair!!"

7. In France - Ask why there appears to be no war memorials.

8. After checking out of the hotel, leave it for about five minutes, then go back in and check in again, acting like you have just arrived for your holiday...repeat.

9. In Italy - Ask why they appear to have NEVER won the Eurovision Song Contest.

10. In Canada -Sing Blame Canada at the top of your voice.

11. In Australia - Try to find an intellect...You wont.

12. When asked what you would like to eat in a restaurant, ask if they have jellied eels, "no, sorry sir"- ask if they have pie and mash, "no, Sorry Sir" -ask if they have fish and chips, "No, sorry sir"- start to sulk and say "FINE THEN,I'LL HAVE A BANNANA, YOU HEARD OF THEM?!

13. Bet someone you can swim home.

14. Proclaim yourself in front of people to be the Appointed Ambassador and Representative Of The United Kingdom Of Great Britain and Northern Ireland under order of Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth The Second, but tell them they can call you John.

15. Ask people whose side they would be on in the event of war. Write down their answer and say "we shall remember..."

16. If in Russia, Walk down the street and ask, "So, ya still doing the whole 'commie' thing?"

17. Run screaming through your hotel, shouting to people that you have just found a stash of weapons under your bed. See what happens.

18. Announce to reception that your 'neighbour' has not left his room for five days and there is a really bad smell around the area.

How to Relieve Boredom! Part 2

Ideas for this page are by Frances, John H and his Mates!

When at work, jump on to your desk, shout "ARRIBA!" and proceed to belly dance to a tape of 'Livin La Vida Loca'

Walk up to random people in the street and shyly ask in a baby like voice "will you be my fwend?"

Have hundreds of leaflets printed reading 'Yung go Ping's Chinese takeaway' now in association with the R.S.P.C.A.' Go ahead and leaflet your area

Go to the Bingo, when you win, jump up and shout " HA!, I conquer you elderlies!"

Go to the supermarket, pick up a courgette, hold it to your ear then say, "what?!, you don't want me to eat you?, well...ok then" put it down and move on.

Later, re-enact the Chariot scene in Ben Hur with your trolley.

While on the bus, eat a whole lettuce as if it were an apple.

Make a list of ways to relieve boredom.

When crossing the road, run across in exaggerated slow motion whilst humming 'Chariots of fire'. When you reach the other side, slow mo celebrate. Get emotional.

When talking to someone, look over their shoulder and suddenly freeze, look terrified as you say "Don't. Move." start to back away. say " I'll get help" and run off.

Put your head in a candy floss machine...see what happens.

Go to the Train station and stay on the platform, as a train is leaving, grab a passengers hand through an open window and run along the side of the train, all the while telling them how much you're going to miss them and will never forget them. Done in the style of 'Brief Encounter'.

Cello tape your mouth shut, communicate with Morse code via blinking.

Wear a sheet as a toga, proclaim yourself to be 'Farticus' and pass wind every time you speak your name.

Superglue a chess set to your ceiling, Like my friend Riad did!

Befriend trees.

Go around saying, "I'm sane, I swear."

Have a hotdog eating contest with yourself.

Memorize the lyrics to theme songs. E.g. pokemon, cardcaptors.

Stare at a spot in the ceiling and see how many other people you can get to do it.

Pull the skin on your elbow and scream, "My Weinus Is So Big!"

Watch a black and white movie, mute it, and make up your own dialogue for it.

Take the powder from Fun Dip, throw it at people and say, "Evil begone!"

After every sentence say, "Over" and make that static noise that walkie-talkies make.

Start every sentence with, "Momma always said"

Put tape over your nose and talk like Michael Jackson.

Pick up the coins in the fountain in the mall and scream, "I'm rich!"

Scotch tape your mouth shut, communicate with Morse code via blinking.

Tell people they have dead spiders following them.

50 things to do in a elevater

Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off. Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your kleenex to other passengers. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP! Whistle the first seven notes of It's a Small World incessantly. Sell Girl Scout cookies. On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator. Shave. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: Got enough air in there? Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves. Lean over to another passenger and whisper: Noogie patrol coming! Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral. Censored by your son. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go plink at the bottom. Do Tai Chi exercises. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: I've got new socks on! When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: Oh, not now, damn motion sickness! Give religious tracts to each passenger. Meow occassionally. Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose. Frown and mutter gotta go, gotta go then sigh and say oops! Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected. Sing Mary had a little lamb while continually pushing buttons. Holler Chutes away! whenever the elevator descends. Walk on with a cooler that says human head on the side. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce You're one of THEM! and move to the far corner of the elevator. Burp, and then say mmmm...tasty! Leave a box between the doors. Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them. Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers through it. Start a sing-along. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask is that your beeper? Play the harmonica. Shadow box. Say Ding! at each floor. Lean against the button panel. Say I wonder what all these do and push the red buttons. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your personal space. Bring a chair along. Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger: Wanna see wha in muh mouf? Blow spit bubbles. Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings. Announce in a demonic voice: I must find a more suitable host body. Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button. Wear X-Ray Specs and leer suggestively at other passengers.

Stare at your thumb and say I think it's getting larger. If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler Bad touch!

101 things to do at walmart.

1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.

2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.

3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.

4. Start playing Calvinball; see how many people you can get to join in.

5. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.

6. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.

7. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.

8. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.

9. When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially thin narrow aisles.

10. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, “I think we’ve got a Code 3 in Housewares,” and see what happens.

11. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn the volumes to “10″.

12. Play with the automatic doors.

13. Walk up to complete strangers and say, “Hi! I haven’t seen you in so long!” etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment.

14. While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, “Who BUYS this junk, anyway?”

15. Repeat Number 14 in the jewelry department.

16. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you’re taking it for a “test drive.”

17. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department.

18. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your playing field.

19. As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, “Wow. Magic!”

20. Put M&M’s on layaway.

21. Move “Caution: Wet Floor” signs to carpeted areas.

22. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you’ll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.

23. Test the fishing rods and see what you can “catch” from the other aisles.

24. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.

25. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying,”…I’m Batman. Come, Robin, to the Bat cave!”

26. Run around as much of the store as possible.

27. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.

28. Play with the calculators so that they all spell “hello” upside down.

29. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, “Why won’t you people just leave me alone?”

30. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock, i.e., “Do you have any Shnerples here?”

31. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.

32. Take bets on the battle described above.

33. Hold indoor shopping cart races.

34. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from “Mission: Impossible.”

35. Run up to an employee (preferably a male) while squeezing your legs together and practically yell at him “I need some tampons!!”

36. Try on bras in the sewing/fabric department.

37. Try on bras over top of your clothes.

38. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.

39. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.

40. Say things like, “Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies?”

41. Set up a “Valet Parking” sign in front of the store.

42. Two words: “Marco Polo.”

43. Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet food aisle, etc.

44. “Re-alphabetize” the CD’s in Electronics.

45. Make a trail of orange juice on the ground, leading to the restrooms

46. When someone steps away from their cart to look at something, quickly make off with it without saying a word.

47. Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.

48. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, “No, no! It’s those voices again!”

49. Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time.

50. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don’t get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.

51. While walking around the store, sing in your loudest voice possible “sex and candy”

52. Try putting different pairs of women’s panties on your head and walk around the store casually.

53. Leave small sacrifices or gifts in the hands of the mannequins.

54. Nonchalantly “test” the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.

55. When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run between them, yelling, “Red Rover!”

56. Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.

57. Set up another battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. G.I. Janes. (Red lipstick might give an interesting effect!!)

58. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are. Act as spastic as possible.

59. While no one’s watching quickly switch the men’s and women’s signs on the doors of the rest room.

60. Fill your cart with boxes of condoms, and watch everyone’s jaws drop when you attempt to buy them.

61. In the auto department, practice your “Madonna” look with various funnels.

62. Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things like “the fat man walks alone,” and scare them into believing that the clothes are talking to them

63. While walking around alone, pretend someone is with you and get into a very serious conversation. Ex: The person is breaking up with you and you begin crying “How could you do this to me? I thought you loved me! I knew there was another girl, but I thought I had won. You kissed ME darling.” Then act as though you are being beaten and fall onto the ground screaming and having convulsions.

64. Go to an empty checkout stand and try to check people out.

65. Get a stuffed animal and go to the front of the store and begin stroking it lovingly, saying “Good girl, good bessie.”

66. Go over to the shoe department and try on every pair of shoes, not putting one pair back. Take the paper from the boxes and throw it in various aisles.

67. Ask other customers if they would like to join in your tag game.

68. In the makeup department, spray yourself with every perfume there is, then walk up to a boy who is with another girl and start flirting with him in that annoying, ditsy way. “hi!! (giggle) What’s your sign? (giggle).” When the boy shows no interest, start hitting on the girl the exact same way. “hi!! (giggle) What’s your sign? (giggle).”

69. Get boxes of Condoms and randomly put them in peoples carts when they don’t realize it!

70. Walk around the perfume department with a bottle of super strong perfume and spray people as they walk by. Lean in and sniff them then jump back and wave your hand in front of your nose and saying “Oh god, your over powering the perfume!!”

71. Hit on the elderly.

72. Hit on 5 year olds.

73. In the food aisle, pretend like there’s a little bug, slowly move your head to the right, then swing your head to the left as if you’re trying to follow it. Slowly lower your head to the ground, then start spinning around in circles stomping like crazy. Then finally yell out “Yes!! I got it!! Wow, that was the biggest Cockroach I’ve ever seen, I think it was pregnant!! Hey look, there’s another one!!” Then Repeat.

74. Repeat 73 with a can of bug spray.

75. Crawl around on the ground and pretend that you’re a cat. Meow when people walk by rub up against their legs, etc.

76. Ride around on those electric cars and pretend that you’re a prissy English Man. Say things like “Cheerio, good man” to people who walk by. And don’t forget to have perfect posture.

77. Start grunting like Beavis and Butthead while chasing your friends up and down aisles trying to run over them with those electric cars. Make sure to tell your friends to act like they don’t know you.

78. Spend all your money riding on those little rides for toddlers. Fit the character; if your on a hoarse, then pretend that your a cowboy, etc. And if a little kid comes over wanting to use it, start barking at them until they run away crying.

79. Have silly string fights with a friend. Hide behind customers and “accidentally” hit the people instead of your friend.

80. Excessively use anything thing that says “Try Me”.

81. Start pocketing any and all free samples.

82. Draw mustaches on all the pictures and mannequins.

82. Walk up to the customer service and when they say “Hello, how may I help you?” say “Yes, I’ll have a Quarter Pounder with cheese, one strawberry shake, a large order of French fries and a diet coke.” And when they start to talk, say “Oh, to go”. Then when they say that they can’t give it to you say “Oh, This is because I’m gay isn’t it? I’d expect this from Caldors, but not Walmart/Kmart. People who are gay are just like everyone else your know. You disgust me” Then walk away mumbling to yourself. If your a guy, try to act as valley- girl- like as you can.

83. Start to madly scratch yourself and walk up to people asking where the rash cream is because your family and all your friends seem to have a rash too.

84. When you’re alone, have loud conversations with your “multiple personalities”. Have an English man, a Southern person, someone from New York, a Grandma, and a 5 year old girl all at the same time. You have to use accents.

85. Start “dancing” like mad. Basically, just wail your arms and legs around like you’re having some kind of massive seizure.

86. Try on crazy costumes and walk casually through the store.

87. Stick your arm in your jacket and suspiciously start to leave the store. Get really tense and start to lean over as your walking through the doors As if you’re suspecting the alarms to go off. Then when it doesn’t go off, let out a big sigh. Then quickly look around you to see whose watching and run away as fast as your can.

88. Balance EVERYTHING you see on the tips of your finger, your nose, your forehead, and the top of your head while singing the circus song.

89. Put jockstraps in the lingerie department

90. Put lingerie in the men’s department.

91. Put super sexy lingerie in old men’s carts when they turn around.

92. When your alone, start screaming help and yelling that someone is trying to rape you. Then when everyone runs over, start crying and saying “All I ever wanted was a little attention” Then run away crying.

93. Spend hours staring at a little blinking light. After a while, start saying blink every time it blinks. Don’t look away, just stay mesmerized.

94. Walk up to a lady and calmly say “Help me. The voices in my head are telling me to do naughty things.” Then clap your hands over your ears, fly yell head around and start screaming “NO!! I DON’T WANT TO HURT THE NICE LADY NO NO NO NO!!” Then suddenly stop, look her straight in the eyes, and Calmly say “I…will start…a fire…” The pull out a zippo and start laughing hysterically in an evil way. But don’t light the zippo, just hold it closed.

95. Light a match under a sprinkler.

96. Walk up to someone and say “Oh, so your back for more. I warned you never to come back here. Wait here while I go get my shot gun”. Then walk away.

97. Walk up to a guy and say “Oh my god, is it you? Oh my god it is!! I haven’t seen you in so long!!” Then kiss him. Then slap and him say “Why didn’t you ever call me??” Then walk away. Much more affective if you’re a guy.

98. Stand next to a mannequin and pretend that you’re a mannequin. Try to hold the same position for as long as possible. Then finally as someone is walking by, check your watch and say. “Finally, my shift is done. I really don’t get paid enough to do this”

99. Start singing oldies songs in to megaphone.

100. Act like your about to cry and ask people “Have you seen my mommy?”

101. Steal a Walmart shirt. The possibilities are small to steal a shirt.

I got all of these from a lot of web sites so I was too busy to look at the stuff. ;)

My Character I'm thinking of to make a new story:

Angel Rose: A sweet, loving girl with blue hair almost always in a pony tail.(Looks Like Rein from twin princess with her hair up in a pony tail.) She has ocean blue eves and loves singing,dancing,playing sports,cookinking,drawing,and designing. She has a bubbly personallity but when she comes into buisness she is as serious as anyone can be. She uselly wears a blue strapless sundress, a chocker that in blue with a gold tag that reads 'Angel Rose' with a whit scarf,a white sun hat with a blue ribbon tied around it,white tights, and Blue high heels.