Hello! love 2 read 555 here! I will start writing this year sometime, but I have school, so no promises! So bye bye!Really Dumb Store labels:

On a Myer hairdryer:
"Do not use while sleeping."
(Darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).

On a bag of
Chips:
"You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details
inside."
(The shoplifter special?)

On a bar of Palmolive soap:
"Directions: Use like regular soap."
(And that would be how??)

On some frozen dinners:
"Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(But, it's just a suggestion).

On Nanna's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom):
"Do not turn upside down".
(Well...duh, a bit late, huh!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
"Product will be hot after heating".
(And you thought...??)

On packaging for a K-Mart iron:
"Do not iron clothes on body."
(But wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:
"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after
taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction
accidents if we could just get those 5 year olds with head
colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (One would hope.)

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (As opposed to what?)

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (I gotta admit, I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (Talk about a news flash.)

On artificial bacon: "Real artificial bacon bits". (So we don't get fake fake bacon. Oh no we get real fake bacon.)

I don't blame the company; I blame the parents for
this one:
On a child's superman costume:
"Wearing of this garment does not enable
you to fly".

The Percy Jackson pledge:

I promise to remember Percy

whenever Im at sea

I promise to remember Annabeth

whenever a spider comes at me

I promise to protect nature

for Grover's sake of course

I promise to remember Luke

when my heart fills with remorse

I promise to remember Chiron

whenever I see a sign that says ''free pony ride''

I promise to remember Tyson

whenever a friend says they'll stick by my side

I promise to remember Thalia

whenever a friend is scared of heights

I promise to remember Clarisse

whenever I see someone that gives me a fright

I promise to remember Bianca

whenever I see a sister scold her younger brother

I promise to remember Nico

whenever I see someone who doesn't get along with others

I promise to remember Zoe

whenever I watch the stars

I promise to remember Rachel

whenever a limo passes my car.

I promise to remember The Stolls

when my home is beginning to unsettle.

I promise to remember Beckendorf

whenever I see someone working with metal

I promise to remember Silena

Whenever a friend takes one for the team

I promise to remember Micheal Yew

whenever I see a smile that gleams

I promise to remember Briares

whenever I see someone playing hand games

I promise to remember those lost in the Battle of the Labyrinth

whenever I see a cloth in flames.

I promise to remember those campers who fought against Kronos

Whenever I see someone go against the odds

Yes I promise to remember PJO

wherever I may go

Heroes of Olympus Pledge:

I promise to remember Jason

whenever someone forgets something...

I promise to remember Piper

whenever I see someone feel unwanted by their parents...

I promise to remember Leo

when I see someone run away...

I promise to remember Annabeth

when someone misses someone...

I promise to remember Percy

when I see someone refuse to give up...

I promise to remember Hazel

when I see someone who has made a hard decision...

I promise to remember Frank

when someone is different then expected to be...

I promise to remember Reyna

when I see a leader...

I promise to remember Octavian

when I see a ripped toy...

I promise to remember Don the Faun

when someone asks me for money...

I promise to remember HoO

wherever I may go...

Have you ever wondered:

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin...

Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why don't you ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?

Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?

Why is it that doctors call what they do 'practice'?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dish-washing liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

If you're weird, then you're normal. If you're normal, then you're weird.

Anaditdaephobia- the fear that somehow, somewhere, a duck is watching you.

Sarcasm- a way to insult stupid people without them knowing it.

Oh? Rock beats paper? Okay, you try defending yourself with paper when I throw a rock at you.

Don't steal, the government doesn't like competition.

A black man sat down at a counter in some random store. A white man was sitting behind him. The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When I die I'll beBLACK. But you, sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?" The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away...

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDGE! ... copy and paste this into your profile.

It's you and me versus the world...we attack at dawn.

God made man, knew he could do better, and made woman.

Be insane- well behaved people never made history.

If you carry a pen in your pocket all day and think it might turn into a sword when you uncap it, copy and paste this onto your profile

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished
cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of
next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the
store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. (my favorite)My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck?"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't
have wonderful parents like you do." (What wonderful parents?!)

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to stay that
way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the rain; why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't always fair; and Maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6 year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get Parental consent to administer Calpol, sun lotion or a band-aid to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason.

He is survived by his 3 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.

Okay so I have been updating lately but that is only because I have been at my grandparents house and it is either write fanfiction or rot my brains out while a cat is staring at me, but I will continue to update but much more slower, because my mom doesn't have Wifi and I really can only update on my laptop so my updates are going to be super slooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooow. I hope you guys like awesomeness!

Help Eevee take over the world by posting her on your profile!

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FOR THE RECORD METRO IS NOT-I REPEAT NOT ME!!! BOTH METRO AND AUTHOR ARE OCS!!!