Some girls are just born with glitter in theirveins
and just when you thought you were the center of attention,
we showed up
because some girls turn heads,
but me and my gurls,
we break necks

Calling me Fake, won't make you Real.
Calling me Stupid, won't make you Smart.
Calling me Weak, won't make you Strong.
Calling me Ugly, won't make you Pretty.
Calling me Poor, won't make you Rich.
Calling me Fat, won't make you Skinny
So why bother?

An apple a day keeps the doctor away. But if the doctor is Carlisle, screw the fruit!

I've gone to find myself. If I get back before I return, tell me to wait here.

Any minute now, I will jump in with my pointless observations.

More people would learn from their mistakes if they weren't so busy denying them.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

Secret admirers are stalkers with stationery.

Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you.

Attitudes are contagious. Mine might kill you.

In the battle between you and the world, bet on the world.

Rule #13: If you ever see an angry chainsaw zombie coming at you, RUN FOR YOU LIFE!

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

Some people fear the strange and unusual. I AM the strange and unusual.

It's you and me versus the world . . . we attack at dawn.

Yo-yos were invented as a weapon.

If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, onto a little see-saw or jump through a ring of fire. They're trained for that.

The voices assure me that I'm normal.

It's such a beautiful day. I think I'll skip my medications.

You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me.

Friends are like potatoes: if you eat them, they die.

Who is this life person and where does he get all these lemons?

I'm smiling. That alone should scare you.

I've stopped fighting my inner demons. We're on the same side now.

My imaginary friend thinks you have some serious mental problems.

I'm bored. Run for your sanity.

We are not retreating . . . we are advancing in another direction.

I've always wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my enemy to go swimming.

I've never seen anyone so prone to life-threatening idiocy.

I'm not lost, I'm exploring.

Hi, my job is to annoy you.

I used to care, but I take a pill for that now.

Warning: Do NOT follow in my footsteps. I tend to walk into walls and off the occasional cliff.

I'll try to be nicer if you try to be smarter.

I call you squishy and you shall be mine. You will be my squishy!

National Sarcasm Society: Like we need your support.

I didn't lose my mind; I sold it on ebay.

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion;it's just that yours is stupid!

I'm not so good at advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?

I let my mind wander, but it never came back.

I don't have a psychiatrist, and I don't want one for the simple reason that if he listened to me long enough, he might become disturbed.

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not so sure about the universe.

I like you. When the world is mine, your death shall be quick and painless.

You're not yourself today. I noticed the improvement immediately.

A bookstore is one of the few pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking.

I don't obsess; I think intensely.

Muffins are just ugly cupcakes . . . but we love them anyway.

A conclusion is when you got tired of thinking.

At my lemonade stand, I used to give the first glass free and charge five dollars for the second glass. It contained the antidote.

If you can't convince them, confuse them.

I had a friend once, but the rope broke and he got away.

I called your boyfriend gay, and he hit me with his purse.

Evening news is where they say, "Good Evening" then proceed to tell you why it's not.

You laugh at me because I'm crazy. I laugh at you because there's an invisible leprechaun sitting on your shoulder.

Last night, I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars and I thought . . . WHERE THE HECK IS THE CEILING?

Before you judge a person, walk a mile in his shoes. After that, it doesn't matter, because you're a mile away from him, and you've got his shoes!

Have you ever noticed that anyone driving slower than you is an idiot and anybody driving faster than you is a maniac?

Silence is golden, duct tape is silver.

The world is full of crazy people. They made me their leader.

This is Bob. Bob likes sharp things. I suggest you run from Bob.

You're just jealous because we act retarded in public and people STILL love us!

Don't mess with me, I've got a stick.

Boys are like Slinky's . . . useless, but fun to watch fall down stairs.

Slinky escalator = endless fun!

I did what they say and chose the road less traveled . . . now where the heck am I?

Education is important; school, however, is another matter.

I don't understand white crayons. Why are they here? What do they want from us?

"Let's eat Grandma!" or "Let's eat, Grandma!". Punctuation saves lives.

Get real. No one's going to form a single-file line if the building's on FIRE!

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

Do you have trouble making up your mind? Well, yes or no?

Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.

You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.

Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons because, to them, you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, and then used against you.

You can't buy happiness, but you can buy ice cream, which is pretty much the same thing.

If you have five fish and three drown, how many are left?

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns toast to a horrible little crisp that no decent human being would ever eat?

In Hollywood, a marriage is considered successful if it outlasts milk.

I've come to the conclusion that I'm going to hell in multiple religions.

In real life, men who sparkle are gay.

I'm not saying you're stupid, I'm just implying it.

Be insane . . . because well-behaved girls never made history.

ALIENS WELCOME!

When I was your age, there were 151 Pokemon and Pluto was a planet.

You say "nerd" like it's a bad thing.

Do not taunt the octopus.

1 day of coal, 364 days of fun. I think I'll take my chances.

The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean that you're an artist.

Chuck Norris doesn't breathe. He holds air hostage.

Those who criticize our generation forget who raised it.

I don't have anger management problems. I just prefer to solve my issues with violence.

Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.

Bored? Give me coffee. I'll change that.

Chuck Norris was in all six Star Wars movies. They called him the Force.

Creating man-eating mutant kittens is morally wrong.

Reality sounds like a nice place, but I wouldn't want to LIVE there.

If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk!

Keep your hands off my wombat.

You were lied to. I'm here to bring the dark, hidden truth. Cursive is useless.

Hi, Thursday? I'm going to need you to stop sucking? You're not in some kind of twisted contest with Monday. Step it up.

The world is full with crazy, ridiculous people. The only way to deal with it is to be even crazier and more ridiculous.

I don't like the phrase FML. I like "FYL" because, when I'm angry, I make the world suffer.

I really don't know why I don't just set you on fire.

Never say "Things couldn't get any worse". God takes that as a personal challenge.

I'm not questioning your integrity. I'm pondering the logic of your existence.

Note to self: It is illegal to stab people for being stupid.

School prepares you for the real world, which also sucks.

To you, it's ADHD. To me, it's random multitasking.

Prepare to cower before my invincible powers of irony and sarcasm.

Anger is only one letter short of danger . . . so . . . don't get me mad.

Remember life before the internet? Back when the world had, like, secrets?

Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.

Caffeine helps you do stupid things faster.

Friends don't let friends drive bulldozers while drinking acid.

When I die, I so want to haunt you.

I reject your reality and substitute my own.

I am a bomb technician. If you see me running, try to keep up.

How do I block you in real life?

Well, according to Newton's second law, not only do I run into walls, the walls run into me.

I can't wait until we're all roomies at the asylum.

Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens broke up. I lack caring. Wait . . . they're not going to sing about it, right? RIGHT?!

Some people look at the glass as half-empty. Some see it as half-full. I see it as a great way to poison them.

In reality, most of the world needs to Accio some sanity.

I'm not mean. You're just a sissy.

Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected expected?

The zombies are looking for brains. Don't worry, you're safe.

Drunks run red lights. Stoners wait for stop signs to turn green.

You're perverted, twisted, and sick. I like that.

Please continue. Don't let my biting sarcasm deter you.

Music is my drug. iTunes is my dealer.

If I can't be a good example, I'll just have to be a horrible warning.

You know what's fantastic? Knowing you're better than someone. Even if they don't know it, you do. Savor it.

You know that talking thing you're doing? Do the world a favor and cut it out.

Have you been murdered by Death Eaters today? No? Then consider today a gift and quit whining.

Today is a perfect day to cause some mayhem.

If Ron Weasley can do magic, then why is he still a ginger?

Boring prequel: Harry Potter and the Ten Years Spent in a Cupboard.

If fat people are supposed to be jolly, then how do you explain Dolores Umbridge?

I see you're playing stupid again . . . looks like you're winning, too.

Why, yes, I do spontaneously break out into ninja moves.

I will take this spork and I will END YOU!

"All right, I'm only gonna show you this once!" suicide bombing instructor.

Let's flip a coin. Heads, I win. Tails, you lose.

I've got trunk space and shovels.

Awesome ends with ME!

I tried being normal once. Worst five minutes of my life.

It's not that chocolate is a substitute for love. Love is a substitute for chocolate. Chocolate is, let's face it, far more reliable than any man.

The next sentence is true. The previous sentence is false.

To put it nicely, I hope you choke

I dream of a better tomorrow--where chickens can cross roads and not have their motives questioned.

I don't have a short attention span, I just--ooh, a kitty!

Everything here is eatable. I'm eatable, but that, my children, is called cannibalism and is frowned upon in most societies.

Kids are the future. Be afraid, very afraid!

I realize that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure that you realize that what you heard was not what I meant.

Dogs have owners. Cats have staff.

Life is one fool thing after another whereas love is two fool things after each other.

If I ever start to listen to the voices in my head, you're in serious trouble.

If we're not supposed to have midnight snacks, then why is there a light in the fridge?

Come to the nerd side. We have pi.

"I wumbo; you wumbo; he, she, me wumbo; wumbo; wumboing; wumborama; we'll have the wumbo; WUMBOLOGY, the STUDY of WUMBO. It's first-grade, SpongeBob." Patrick Star

"Spiders! They want me to tap-dance. I don't want to tap-dance." Ron Weasley

Why be difficult, when, with just a little more effort, you can be impossible?

I think I'm looking at you and your clones. I see dumb people.

So many stupid people, so little duct tape.

I'm too tired to punch you. Would you run your face into my fist repeatedly?

I have multiple personalities and none of them like you.

That's pretty illegal, even for us.

You're about to be a strange smell in the attic.

Our national health plan: Don't get sick.

To be old and wise you must first have to be young and stupid.

Warning: Lost kids will be sold to the circus.

I don't have a dog. I eat my own homework.

I love my computer. My friends live in it.

I'm sorry, I can't hear you over the sound of how awesome I am.

If it weren't for law enforcement and physics, I would be UNSTOPPABLE!

I hate it when the little voices argue with my imaginary friends.

We are the people our parents warned us about.

Even if the voices aren't real, they have some good ideas.

Bigfoot is really just a runaway Wookie.

Music. It beats killing people.

I have ranted to an empty room, and then ended with a "Thanks for listening" because, if no one heard, then it's okay, but if someone did, then I have officially freaked out a secret agent corporation.

Whoa, there's a feud between pirates and ninjas? That's going to make my part-time jobs hard.

I'm the kind of friend who would help you move a human body, anyplace, anytime.

I got fired from the M&M factory for throwing away all the W's.

A true idiot climbs a glass wall to see what's on the other side.

Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.

Make a man a fire and you can keep him warm for a day; teach a man to make a fire and he will burn his neighbors houses down.

When life gives you lemons, you squirt them in your enemie's eyes.

I didn't hit you I simply high fived your face.

The dinosaur's extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide.

Labels are for cans, and in case you haven't noticed, I'm not a can!

Excuse me. Have you seen my sanity? I think I've lost it...

The rules only apply if you get caught.

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us how to walk and talk, then the rest of our lives telling us to sit down and shut up.

They say, "Guns don't kill people. People kill people." Well, I think the gun helps. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.

Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.

Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

If life gives you lemons, you could make lemonade . . . or you can make a biologically-engineered, virulent, air-borne, pathogenic virus that will wipe out the entire population of the planet, which would be a whole lot cooler.

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid.

Death is God's way of saying you're fired. Suicide is human’s way of saying you can't fire me, I quit.

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep-- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

I'm the kind of girl who will burst our laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened yesterday.

"God made man, and then he said, "I can do better than that," and made woman." - Adela Rodgers St. Johns

"Whoever said nothing is impossible, never tried to slam a revolving door,"- Unknown

“When there's a will, I want to be in it.” – Unknown

When I was younger, my parents encouraged me to walk and talk. Now, all they want me to do is sit down and shut up!

Don't think of your self as an ugly person. Think of yourself as a beautiful monkey.

A stranger stabs you in the front; a friend stabs you in the back; a boyfriend stabs you in the heart, but best friends only poke each other with straws.

"We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the police do."

Shit fire and save matches (ha ha!!)

Hippopotomonstrousaequipodaliophobic - Fear of long words.

You cry, I cry. You laugh, I laugh. You fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder.

My best friends are the kind that if my house were on fire, they'd be roasting marsh mellows and flirting with the firemen.

Boys are like slinkys, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs.

I ran with scissors, and lived!

I'm not prejudiced. I hate everyone equally.

If two wrongs dont make a right, try three.

Borrow money from pessimists- they dont expect to get it back!

There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & and those that cant.

Flying is simple. Just throw yourself at the ground and miss.

Don’t knock on death’s door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that.

81 things you didn't know about me until now.

1.what color is your toothbrush? green

2. Name one person that made you smile today. My sista

3. What were you doing at 8am this morning? Snoozin'

4. What were you doing 45 minutes ago? pulin weeds :P

5. What is your favorite candy? REESES CUPS!!!

6. Have you ever been to a strip club? No, because my sister reads this profile (and she be one scary witch).

7. What's the last thing you said out loud? ""what was the last thing you said out loud?""

8. What is the best ice cream flavor? COOKIE DOUGH!!

9. What was the last thing you had to drink? water

10. What is the longest you have gone without sleeping? 48 hours party at my friends house course no one would think anythingof an inocent little girl going to a sleep over O:)

11. Have you ever made a promise youd die to keep? Yes

12. Have you bought any new clothes items this week? shopping spree!

13. The last sporting event you watched? You can watch sports on TV?

14. What is your favorite flavor of popcorn? Uuuuh butter?

15. Who is the last person you sent a message to on Facebook? selena my bestie!!

16. Ever go camping? Yep. love it!

17. Do you take vitamins daily? who take daily vitamins?!? O_o

18. Do you go to church every Sunday? yeperdeez

19. Do you have a tan? you knows it beach here i am

21. Do you drink your soda with a straw? Sometimes

22. What did your last text message say? since when do i have a fone?!

23. What are you doing tomorrow? MOVIES!!

24. Where is your dad? IDK i dont keep tabs on my dads hourly location...

25. Look to your left what do you see? a wall

26. What color is your watch? no watch.

27. What do you think about when you hear Australia? good'ay mate

28. What did you do yesterday? art walk

29. Do you go in at a fast food restaurant or use the drive-thru? go in. It can't talk without seeing someone face. Even to go I order inside.

30. What is your favorite number? 1. everything i divisable by and a factor of 1. i love 1.

31. Who's the last person you talked to on the phone? My Bestie.

32. Any plans today? No, I have no life.

34. Biggest annoyance in your life right now? haven't seen my bf in three weeks and im wiggin about it

35. Last song listened to? windows down big time rush

36. Can you say the alphabet backwards? NO!

37. Do you have a Maid service clean your house? Nope

38. Favorite pair of shoes you wear all the time? DC with green checkered laces

39. Are you jealous of anyone? Yes.

40. Is anyone jealous of you? God no.

41. Do you love anyone? yeah

42. Do you any of your friends have children? adult friends Yes. under the age of 18 friends no.

43. What do you usually do during the day? Facebook

44. Do you hate anyone that you know right now? Most definitely

45. Do you use the word hello daily? yeah its my fav word. come on say it with me HEEEELLLLOOOOO...

47. Do you like cats? Yeah, they're cool. All animals are cool.

48. Have you ever been to six flags? no...

49. How did you get your worst scar? cat bit my hand all the way to the bone

50. Last smoke? I don't

51. Last CD played? jb

52. Last bubble bath? oh god, no clue.

53. Last time you cried? ... um... uh... i dont really know... is it normal not to cry?

54. Last meal? lunch bologna samich

55. Have you ever dated someone twice? i've only had 4 boyfriends. it would be impossible to date the same boy twice

56. Have you ever kissed someone and regretted it? no never even kissed anyone

57. Have you ever fallen in love? again 4 bf's

58. Have you ever lost someone? Yes

59. Have you ever slept until 1pm? everyday

60. Have you ever been drunk and threw up? Again, sista is a scary wich

61. List Five people you can pretty much tell anything to. My Besties rach and selena, my mom, my bf, and my bf's bestie sid

62. List three favorite colors/shades. blue, green, and pink!

63. Laughed until you've cried? Oh so much.

64. Went behind your parents back? yeah...

65. Who posted this before you? MY SISY!!

66. Gay marriage? christian

67. Lowering the drinking age? Hell Yes

68. Straight, Gay, or Bi? Straight

69. Who are the best huggers that you know? My Bestie Selena, uncle brian, uncle nick, momma. Best. Hugs. Ever.

70. Do you believe of love at first sight? yeah.

71. Is there something you want to tell someone? Nah I'm good.

73. Would you kiss anyone on your top friends? Yeah, probs.

74. How many kids do you want to have? 1-2

75. Do you want to change your name? nah im good

76. Last time you saw your father? Yesterday.

77. What time did you wake up today? like 11-y-ish?

78. How old are you? Newly 14

79. What were you doing at midnight last night? um sleeping what else would i be doing im 14 years old with no life?

80. What is your favorite thing in your room? my bed

81. Where is your best friend right now? IDK, I'll txt her... on facebook