15/11/2016: Just a quick update on what is happening with updates. I've decided not to post anything futher on here until a story is completely finished. So there won't be anyting on my WIPs anytime soon, but there is the possibility of a few oneshots. The reason things are being so slow is because my health is still poor - there'll be more on that below if anyone wants to know the ins and outs - but hopefully once uni is finished, I'll be less stressed and better at focussing on more than just keeping myself afloat. Sorry to all of you still waiting - I'm getting there.

IMPORTANT (31/05/2015): apologies to anyone whose read/been reading any of my unfinished stories, or been looking at the community I've set up. The reason I've been inactive has been due to anxiety. I've been very ill because of this, and lost a fair amount of weight (never had any spare to lose really, so it got a little scary.) Anyway, I'm getting better now, so will hopefully be writing again soon, but I don't know when that will be. I'm really sorry.

IMPORTANT I have changed my pename, I used to be twilighter no1, but as I now am a fan of many other (better) fandoms, i felt it was about time i updated my pename to match :)

Anxiety

For those that don't read the random updates I put at the top of the page, I have what the GP calls 'Stress and Anxiety'. Kind of like it says on the tin...I get stressed and anxious. What that doesn't say, is the effect that can have on day to day life. Normally, I don't even realise I'm stressing over nothing until it's over, and I wonder what on Earth all that fuss was about. Having dealt with it for a few years now 'all that fuss' is my body overreacting with my head, producing a load of stress hormones that should be a fight or flight response...only, it's all in my head and there's nothing to fight or run from. So it all stays.
For anyone who's ever had a rush of adrenaline, you know how you feel real tired afterwards? Now imagine having one for days on end. And that's anxiety. Basically, you're wired, but exhausted, which leads to insomnia. Insomnia leads to more adrenaline. For me, this means that I'm too stressed out to eat, because my stomach goes all tight. Which leads to weight loss. And you all guessed - weight loss leads to being underweight, which compounds insomnia and anxiety, leading to a big jumble of related mental health problems, with no real clue which to tackle first. So this was me a few years back. To be brutally honest, I was (just a bit) of a mess.

But the thing is, you wouldn't have known that if I hadn't told you. Might have seen that I'd lost weight and looked tired and ill, but most people work hard to protect others from what is happening inside. Most of us likely know someone fighting a mental illness. And it is a fight...a really long fight, but it's worth it. I feel more myself now than I have since starting university back in 2013. Sure, just had a relapse, but hey. These things happen, and it likely won't ever happen again on that scale. It's all part of the learning process.

I think the hardest thing for me is the weight. Being underweight is hard. I have very little energy and can't keep up with my friends. It hurts to sit down, because there's no covering to protect my bum. I'm physically weak...my ten year old cousin beat me in an arm wrestle and I was trying my hardest. That shouldn't happen. But the worst thing is, my 16 year old younger cousin looked at my body with jealousy that she wasn't as skinny as me. How do you tell a younger cousin what's really going on? That makes needing a sit down after a few minutes of Jive look like no big deal really.

Our society messes with our heads and warps our perceptions. So my take home message, in the words of Remus Lupin, - "Eat; you'll feel better." And if you can't eat right now...dance, or sing. That also makes everything better.

Harry Voldemort, Voldemort Cedric, and Cedric = Edward. So, Harry Voldemort Edward. Therefore, Harry Edward. So, Harry Potter Twilight. If you agree with this form of logic, copy and paste this into your profile.

They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you just stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.

'It's always the last place you look'. Well of course it is! Why the heck would I keep looking after I found it!

For people that hate stereotypes: If you think people should just shut up and stop, put this on your profile. (BOLD the ones you are.)
I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic. (Is it anorexia if you're not starving yourself on purpose and just have zero appetite?)
I'm EMO, so I MUST cut my wrists.
I'm a NEGRO so I MUST carry a gun.
I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be a ditz
I'm JAMAICAN so I MUST smoke weed.
I'm HAITIAN so I MUST eat cat.
I'm ASIAN, so I MUST be sexy.
I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy.
I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS.
I'm a LESBIAN, so I MUST have a sex-tape.
I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist.
I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.
I'm a GAY RIGHTS SUPPORTER, so I WILL go to hell.
I'm a CHRISTAN, so I MUST think gay people should go to hell.
I'm RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat.
I'm ATHEIST so I MUST hate the world.
I don't have a RELIGION, so I MUST be evil and have no morals
I'm REPUBLICAN, so I MUST not care about poor people.
I'm DEMOCRAT, so I MUST not believe in being responsible.
I am LIBERAL, so I MUST be gay.
I'm SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash.
I TAKE (or used to take) ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be crazy. (Bit like old age - worst thing ever, apart from the alternative.)
I'm a GUY, so I MUST only want to get into your pants.
I'm IRISH, so I MUST have a bad drinking problem.
I'm INDIAN, so I MUST own a convenient store.
I'm NATIVE AMERICAN, so I MUST dance around a fire screaming like a savage. I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore...
I'm a DANCER, So I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore
I wear SKIRTS a lot, so I MUST be a slut.
I'm a PUNK, so I MUST do drugs.
I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob.
I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a Goth or emo.
I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend.
I'm CUBAN, so I MUST spend my spare time rolling cigars.
I'm NOT A VIRGIN, so I MUST be easy.
I FELL IN LOVE WITH A MARRIED MAN, so I MUST be a home-wrecking whore.
I'm a TEENAGE MOM, so I MUST be an irresponsible slut.
I'm POLISH, so I MUST wear my socks with my sandals
I'm ITALIAN, so I must have a "big one".
I'm EGYPTIAN, so I must be a TERRORIST!
I'm PRETTY, so I MUST not be a virgin.
I HAVE STRAIGHT A'S, so I MUST have no social life.
I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MUST be looking for attention.
I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS so I MUST be looking for attention.
I'm INTO THEATER & ART, so I MUST be a homosexual.
I'm a VEGETARIAN, so I MUST be a crazy political activist.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be fucking them all.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GIRLS WHO ARE FRIENDS, so I MUST be a player.
I have Big BOOBS, so I MUST be a hoe.
I'm COLOMBIAN, so I MUST be a drug dealer.
I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser.
I'm RUSSIAN, so I MUST be cool and that’s how Russians roll.
I'm GERMAN, so I must be a Nazi.
I hang out with GAYS, so i must be GAY TOO
I'm BRAZILIAN, so I MUST have a BIG BUTT.
I'm PUERTO RICAN, so I MUST look good and be conceited
I'm SALVADORIAN, so I MUST be in MS 13
I'm POLISH, so I MUST be greedy
I'm HAWAIIAN so I MUST be lazy
I'm PERUVIAN, so I MUST like llamas
I’m a STONER so I MUST be going in the wrong direction
I’m a VIRGIN so I MUST be prude
I’m STRAIGHT EDGE so I must be violent.
I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly... Or crazy.
I'm BLACK so I MUST love fried chicken and kool-aid.
I'm a GIRL who actually EATS LUNCH, so I MUST be fat...(my therapist would be very uninpressed if I skipped lunch.)
I'm SINGLE so I MUST be ugly.
I'm a SKATER so I must do weed and steal stuff
I'm a PUNK so I must only wear black and date only other punks
I'm ASIAN so I must be a NERD that does HOMEWORK 24/7
I'm CHRISTIAN so I MUST hate homosexuals.
I'm MIXED so I must be screwed up.
I'm MUSLIM so I MUST be a terrorist.
I'm in BAND, so I MUST be a dork.
I'm BLACK so I MUST believe JESUS WUZ A BROTHA
I'm MORMON so I MUST be perfect
I'm WHITE and have black friends so I MUST think I'm black
I'm GOTH so I MUST worship the devil
I'm HISPANIC, so I MUST be dirty.
I'm NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser.
I'm OVERWEIGHT, so I MUST have a problem with self control.
I'm PREPPY, so I MUST shun those who don't wear Abercrombie & Hollister.
I'm on a DANCE team, so I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.
I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naive.
I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob
I'm MEXICAN, so I MUST have hopped the border.
I GOT A CAR FOR MY BIRTHDAY, so I MUST be a spoiled brat.
I'm BLACK, so I MUST love watermelon
I'm BI, so I MUST think every person I see is hot.
I'm an ASIAN GUY, so I MUST have a small penis.
I'm a GUY CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be gay.
I'm a PREP, so I MUST be rich.
I don't like the SUN so I MUST be an albino.
I have a lot of FRIENDS, so I MUST love to drink and party.
I wear tight PANTS and I'm a guy, so I MUST be emo.
I couldn't hurt a FLY, So I MUST be a pussy.( That might be true for me but hey ho.)
I support GAY RIGHTS, so I MUST fit in with everyone.
I hang out with teenage drinkers and smokers, so I MUST smoke and drink too.
I have ARTISTIC TALENT, so I MUST think little of those who don't.
I don't like to be in a BIG GROUP, so I MUST be anti-social.
I have a DIFFERENT sense of HUMOR, so I MUST be crazy.
I tell people OFF, so I MUST be an over controlling bitch.
My hair gets GREASY a lot, so I MUST have no hygiene skills.
I'm DEFENSIVE, so I MUST be over controlling and a bitch.
I'm a NUDIST, so I MUST want everyone to see my boobs.
I read Comics, so I MUST be a loser.
I hang out with a FORMER PROSTITUTE.. So I MUST be a whore myself.
I'm TEXAN so I MUST ride a horse
I’m a GOTH, so I MUST be a Satanist
I’m a CROSSDRESSER, so I must be homosexual.
I draw ANIME so I MUST be a freak.
I am a FANGIRL so I MUST be a crazy, obsessed stalker.
I WATCH PORN so I MUST be perverted.
I'm an ONLY CHILD so I MUST be spoiled.
I'm INTELLIGENT so I MUST be weak.
I am AMERICAN so I MUST be obese, loud-mouthed and arrogant.
I'm WELSH so I MUST love sheep
I’m a YOUNG WRITER, so I MUST be emo.
I’m CANADIAN, so I MUST talk with a funny accent.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST ditch my pregnant girlfriend.
I'm CANADIAN, so I MUST love hockey and beavers.
I'm DISABLED, so I MUST be on Welfare.
I'm a FEMINIST, so I MUST have a problem with sexuality and I want to castrate every man on the earth.
I'm a TEENAGER, so I MUST have a STEREOTYPE.
I WEAR A BIG SUNHAT when I go outside, so I MUST be stupid.
I like BLOOD, so I must be a VAMPIRE.
I'm an ALBINO, so I MUST be an evil person with mental abilities and is A MURDERER!
I'm ENGLISH, so I MUST speak with either a cockney or a posh accent, love tea and cricket, and have bad teeth. (i'm none of the above)
I’m WHITE, so I MUST be responsible for everything going wrong on the planet: past, present, and future.
I don't like YAOI or YURI, so I must be a HOMOPHOBE
I’m not the most POPULAR person in school, so I MUST be a loser
I care about the ENVIRONMENT...I MUST be a tree hugging hippy (tempting-shame that I like creature comforts...such as an internet connection ;))
I have a FAN CHARACTER, so I MUST be an annoying Mary-sue.
I CHAT; I MUST be having cyber sex.
I'm PAGAN so I MUST sacrifice babies and drink the blood of virgins
I'm PAGAN so I MUST worship Satan
I'm CONSERVATIVE, so I MUST be against Abortion
I'm SWEDISH so I MUST be a tall blond blue-eyed lesbian.
I'm a LESBIAN so I MUST want to get with every single girl that I see.
I like CARTOONS, so I MUST be IRRESPONSIBLE.
I like READING, so I MUST be a LONER.
I have my OWN spiritual ideology; therefore I MUST be WRONG or MISGUIDED.
I am WICCAN, so I MUST be a SATANIST.
I DISAGREE with my government, so I MUST be a TERRORIST.
I am a WITCH, so I MUST be and OLD HAG and fly on a broomstick.
I love YOAI, so I MUST be GAY.
I'm a PERSON, so I MUST be LABELED
I DON'T CURSE, so I MUST be an outcast
I like GAMES, ANIME and COMICS, so I MUST be childish
I'm SWEDISH, therefore I MUST be WHITE.
I SPOT GRAMMATICAL ERRORS, so I MUST be a pedantic bastard.
I'm GOTHIC, so I MUST be mean.
I’m STRONG so I MUST be stupid.
I'm Australian so I MUST hunt crocodiles and talk to kangaroo’s
I go to RENFAIRES, so I MUST talk weird, be a loser, and not be up with the times
I’m GAY so I’m after EVERY straight guy around.
I don’t want a BOYFRIEND so I MUST be Lesbian.
I'm NOT CHRISTIAN so I MUST just need converting.
I love marching band, so I MUST be a friendless freak.
I DRINK and SMOKE, so I MUST have no life.
I am friends with a CUTTER, so I MUST be a CUTTER too.
I cry easily, so I MUST be a wimp.
I can't help pointing out mistakes so I MUST be an over-controlling perfectionist
I'm a PERFECTIONIST so I MUST check everything ten times, then burst into tears at one mistake

1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 81, and find line 4.

'cup to your partner to read. You will interpret the patterns using' (Prisoner of Azkaban)

2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What can you touch?

The slip from college telling me where to go on my first day (R331)

3. What is the last thing you watched on TV?

The end of Pointless (game show)

4. Without looking, guess what time it is:

9:45

5. Now look at the clock. What is the actual time?

9:52

6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?

The American Football my brother's watching.

7. When did you last step outside? What were you doing?

Yestarday; I went on a cycle ride; but my chain broke so I had to walk 2 and a half miles pushing my bike :D

8. Before you started this survey, what did you look at?

'Out of Azkaban' by neonorne. It's really good and you all should read it!!

9. What are you wearing?

Jeans and a long-sleeved turqouise shirt

10. Did you dream last night?

No

11. When did you last laugh?

Erm; when I was talking with my Mum earlier.

12. What is on the walls of the room you are in?

A mirror and shelves with DVDs ( I'm in the dining room)

13. Seen anything weird lately?

Yeah - someone paired Sirius and Luna together, which kind of creeps me out as Sirius is old enough to be Luna's Dad.

14. What do you think of this quiz?

it's okay.

15. What is the last film you saw?

Inception

16. If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy?

I'd probably save up for University; which is now ridiculously expensive.

17. Tell me something about you that I don't know:

Tell me what you know and i will :D

18. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?

Stop War completely for good - it does no good and ordinary people always get caught in the crossfire.

19. Do you like to dance?

Yes.

20. George Bush:

I didn't really get politics at the time - but I do know that he started the whole thing with Afganistan so i don't like him.

21. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?

I don't know - i quite like the name Georgaina as it's a little different.

22. Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?

I would say Sirius or Remus but I really don't want the poor kid to get teased so probably something like Arthur or Callum.

23. Would you ever consider living abroad?

Yeah, somewhere exotic like Tenerife to teach English as a foreign language.

24. What do you want God to say to you when you reach the "pearly gates"?

This is all a dream; you're not dead, you're just sleeping. You can go home now :D

You know you live in 2008 when...

1.) You accidentally enter your password on a microwave.

2.) You haven't played solitare with real cards for years

3.) The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is they dont have a screenname or my space

4.) You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the buttons on the TV

6.) Your boss doesn't even have the ability to do your job.

7.) As you read this list you keep nodding and smiling.

8.) As you read this list you think about sending it to all your friends.

9.) And you were too busy to notice number 5.

10.) You scrolled back up to see if there was a number 5.

11.) Now you are laughing at yourself stupidly.

12.) Put this in your profile if you fell for that, and you know you did

I fell for that, hehehe