![]() Author has written 7 stories for Primeval, His Dark Materials, and Harry Potter. Hi im bonbon sweet. b LOL- "No stopping or standing." -- A sign at bus stops everywhere. "Do not sit under coconut trees." -- A sign on a coconut palm in a West Palm Beach park circa 1950. "Fits one head." -- On a hotel-provided shower cap box. "Take care: new non-slip surface." -- On a sign in front of a newly renovated ramp that led to the entrance of a building. "Ingredients: Artificially bleached flour, sugar, vegetable fat, yeast, salt, gluten, soya flour, emulsifier 472 (E) & 481, flour treatment agents, enzymes, water. May contain: fruit." -- The ingredients list on a package of fruit buns. "Some materials may irritate sensitive skin. Please look at the materials if you believe this may be the case. "Instructions: usage known." -- Instructions on a can of black pepper. "Do not turn upside down." -- On the bottom of a supermarket dessert box. "Do not eat if seal is missing." -- On said seal. Not dishwasher safe." -- On a remote control for a TV. Remember, objects in the mirror are actually behind you." -- On a motorcycle helmet-mounted rear-view mirror. Do not use orally." -- On a toilet bowl cleaning brush. "Please keep out of children." -- On a butcher knife. "Do not look into laser with remaining eye." -- On a laser pointer. Cool Quotes Gratitude is the fairest blossom which springs from the soul Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us. I'd rather be a could-be if I cannot be an are; because a could-be is a maybe who is reaching for a star. I'd rather be a has-been than a might-have-been, by far; for a might have-been has never been, but a has was once an are The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the doctor's book Fun is a good thing but only when it spoils nothing better I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe Anger and Jealousy can no more bear to lose the sight if their objects than love – George Eliot (Mary Ann Evans) Greetings, We win! Old Soldiers never die, They simply fade away – J. Foley We were given: Two hands to hold. To legs to walk. Two eyes to see. Two ears to listen. But why only one heart? Because the other was given to someone else. For us to find. Take care of the pence, and the pound shall look after itself Harry Potter Style! - If death eaters are attacking Hogsmeade I will not point at the sky and shout TO THE BAT MOBILE! -So I was like Avada Kadavra and he was like Dead - I will not ask Harry if his scar senses are tingling. - Draco Malfoy the amazing...bouncing...Ferret. - Remus Lupin does NOT want a flee collar - I am not authorized to negotiate a peace treaty with Voldemort. - I will not make any jokes about Lupin and his time of the month. - I will not say 'dude, get a life' to Lord Voldemort - I will not ask Snape why he stole Batman's cape - I will not scare the Arythmancy students with my calculas book - Dear Harry, I hate you, Love Voldy - When Voldemort goes to bed he checks his closet for Mrs. Weasley. - This icon is off trying to shut Percy in a pyramid. -Percy wouldn't recognize a joke if it dances naked infront of him wearing Dobby's tea cozy -I will not sing "we're off to see the wizard" when sent to the headmasters office -I have eight horcruxes, take that Voldy! -Professer Flitwick's name is not Yoda -I will not bring a magic eight ball to Divination class -If a classmate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of the situation and draw a Dark Mark on their arm -Neville: OMG I killed Harry Potter (somewhere in the distance) Voldemort: Nooooo! I wanted to do it! sob -Draco: I mock you with my spirt fingers! -I stalked a death eater and all i got was this lousy potions master! -I am not allowed to make lightsaber sounds with my wand -I am not allowed to introduce Peeves to paintballing -I will not follow potions intstructions in reverse order just to see what happens -I will not give Hagrid pokemon cards and convince him that they are real animals -I will not dress up as Voldemort for Halloween -I will not teach the house-elves to impersonate Paris Hilton My Mother Taught Me 1. My mother taught me RELIGION. "You better pray that will come out of the carpet." 2. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of 3. My mother taught me LOGIC. "Because I said so, that's why." 4. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the 5. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident." 6. My mother taught me IRONY. "Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about." 7. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. "Shut your mouth and eat your supper." 8. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck?" 9. My mother taught me about STAMINA. "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone." 10. My mother taught me about WEATHER. "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it." 11. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. "If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!" 12. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out." 13. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. "Stop acting like your father!" 14. My mother taught me about ENVY. "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't 15. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. "Just wait until we get home." 16. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. "You are going to get it when you get home!" 17. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that 18. My mother taught me ESP. "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?" 19. My mother taught me HUMOR. "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me." 20. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up." 21. My mother taught me GENETICS. "You're just like your father." 22. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. "Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?" 23. My mother taught me WISDOM. "When you get to be my age, you'll understand." 24. My mother taught me SHAPE-SHIFTING. "You'll turn into a sausage if you eat any more. 25. My mother taught me CONSEQUENCES. "If you don't tidy your room, there'll be hell to pay." 26. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. |
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