Ways to Annoy Your Parents

-I am not responsible for any shouting, yelling and punishments they give you. Please note: USE AT YOUR OWN RISK! Please do not sue me when your parents hand out your punishment for using this.

1 - Follow them all the time

2 - Say "Muu" when they call you

3 - Pretend you got amnesia

4 - Keep walking backwards

5 - Run all over the house with a bulb in your hand and saying "The Sun! It's dying!"

6 - Run on the walls

7 - Sing out loud while you run all over the house wearing only underwear

8 - Say that wearing clothes is against your religion

9 - Stay in fron of them at four in the morning and with a big smile in the face say "Good morning, sunshine!"

10 - Run in circles

11 - Recite a whole movie. Three times.

12 - Pretend you're fighting yourself. Lose.

13 - Pull somebody's hair and scream "DNA!"

14 - Wear a T-Shirt that reads "I'm Retarded!"

15 - Wear jeans on your heads, a t-shirt on your waist and say it's a new fashion concept

16 - Try to find another way to drink something in a glass

17 - Glue your finger on your nose with Super Glue

18 - Talk to a pen

19 - Have imaginary friends. Talk to them all the time.

20 - Pretend you're a viking

21 - Try to climb on the walls

22 - Scream really loud "WHERE-IS-MY-MOTHER!?"

23 - Put an ice-cream cone on your forehead and say you're a beautiful unicorn

24 - Do what they tell you to

25 - Stay turning the lights on and off and after 5min say "ooh! I get it now..."

26 - Eat non-eatable things.

27 - Sit in front of the fan with your arms wide open and sing "I believe I can fly!!"

28 - Hold their hands and say "I see dead people..."

29 - When taking a shower, scream "I'm drowning!"

30 - Chase an imaginary tail

31 - Demand your own telephone number

32 - Scream "Lie!" for everything they say

33 - Pretend you're 268 years old

34 - Stay upside down in your closet

35 - Pretend you're a telephone

36 - Try to swim on the ground

37 - Knock on their door all the night

38 - Pretend you have multiple personalities

39 - Deny everything they say before they finish saying and say "Why what? Are you trying to find a reason to punish me?". Take a long breath, blink three times and say "Can I help you?"

40 - Ask "What?" for everything they say and pretend youdon't understand

41 - Look at you father for some time and then say "I'M USING NEW SOCKS!"

42 - Always repeat "What would give you that idea?"

43 - When your mother start talking to you, say "Lo siento, No hablo Inglés"

44 - Tell them you have a very imporant secret that you can't tell to anyone, they'll insist on you to tell the secret, then you whisper "I'm Spiderman/Catwoman!"

45 - Stay looking at nowhere for some time and quickly look at your parents with a scared expression and say "Did you feel that?!"

46 - Write "Will you really eat this little bird?"/"Eggs are friends, not food!" on every egg you got in the freezer

47 - When having dinner, stand up and say to one of your siblings: "Due to economic problems, you will be banished from this house."

48 - When visiting your grandparents, start singing "Uuhm, you touch my tchalala!"

49 - Always say "That's so hot" with Paris Hilton acent

50 - Tell them everything you did was just to annoy them

10 Commandments of a Teenager

1. Thou shalt not sneak out when parents are sleeping.(Why wait?)

2. Thou shalt not do drugs. (Alcohol lasts longer)

3. Thou shalt not steel from K-Mart. (WalMart has a bigger selection)

4. Thou shalt not get arrested for vandalism. (Destruction has a bigger effect)

5. Thou shalt not steal from thy parents. (Every one knows grandma has more money)

6. Thou shalt not get into fights. (Just start them)

7. Thou shalt not skip class. (Just take the whole day off)

8. Thou shalt not strip in class. (Hooters pays more)

9. Thou shalt not think about having sex. (As Nike says - Just Do It!)

10. Thou shalt not help old ladies cross the street. (Just leave them in the middle!)

WAYS TO ANNOY PEOPLE IN AN ELEVATOR!

Act like a dog, growl at people.
Announce in a demonic voice: “I must find a more suitable host body.”
Apply dripping red paint around the edge of the roof hatch. When someone enters, look upwards and whisper "I think they want in..."
Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them. Press the wrong ones.
Ask everyone what they made for their side dish.
Ask someone to take your temperature, then turn around and bend over.
Ask, “did you hear that cable snapping sound?”
Attempt to hypnotize the other passengers.
Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.
Blow spit balls at the ceiling.
Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your Kleenex to other passengers.
Blow your nose on your sleeve.
Bring a camera, take pictures of everybody in the elevator.
Bring a chair along.
Bring easy math flash cards on the elevator and ask the person next to you to help you study them (get them wrong).
Burp, and then say “mmmm...tasty!”
Call out, “Group hug!” and enforce it.
Call the psychic hotline from you cell phone, and ask if they know what floor you’re on.
Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.
Challenge people to games of hide-and-seek.
Clutch your stomach and gasp.
Collapse on the floor when the elevator goes up, then get up and look embarrassed.
Collect an elevator tax.
Count down from 100,000 out loud.
Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: “Got enough air in there?”
Do Tai Chi exercises.
Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your “personal space.”
Draw a volleyball on the wall of the elevator and insist you have been trapped in there for 3 months. Formally introduce everyone to the volleyball!
Dress as a clergy member of the opposite sex.
Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream, “That’s mine!”
Eat jello through a straw.
Frown and mutter "gotta go, gotta go" then sigh and say "oops!"
Give each passenger a round of applause as they enter or leave.
Give each passenger a ticket and remind them that door prize drawing is in half an hour.
Give people lectures about the periodic table of elements
Give religious tracts to each passenger.
Go into extreme detail explaining how you were trapped in an elevator once for two days.
Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.
Greet everyone with a smile and a handshake, then ignore them.
Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!"
Guard the button panel so no one can touch it. Growl and bite at anyone’s fingers who attept to cross you.
Have a picnic in the elevator.
Have a seizure.
Hold the elevator door open and say you’re waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say, “Hi John, how’s your day been?”
Holler “Chutes away!” whenever the elevator descends.
Hug yourself.
Hum the theme from Mission Impossible with yours eyes darting around the elevator.
Hum the theme to Jeopardy
If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler, "Bad touch!"
If anyone brushes against you, whisper to them "was it good for you too?"
Introduce yourself as Ochenga-Wangaa The great chief and begin telling stories of your native island.
Jump up when the elevator reaches a stop.
Lay down a Twister mat and ask people if they want to play.
Lean against the button panel.
Lean over to another passenger and whisper: “Noogie patrol coming!”
Leave a box between the doors.
Leave a box in a corner, and when someone gets on, ask if they hear something ticking.
Lick gummy bears and stick them to things (the walls, the buttons, the passengers, etc.)
Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
Make farm noises.
Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.
Make sure the emergency phone is working.
Meow occasionally.
Move your desk in to the elevator, and whenever someone gets on, ask if they have an appointment.
Mumble autistically about the possibilities of elevator accidents.
Offer a bite of your fresh tangerine to everyone coming on board.
Offer hitman services.
Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.
On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.
On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go “plink” at the bottom.
Open a lemonade stand.
Perform the Hamlet soliloquy. When a new passenger enters, start over again.
Pick your nose.
Place police tape (CRIME SCENE DO NOT CROSS) on the inside of the doors.
Play dead.
Play patty--cake with the door.
Play the harmonica.
Pour water on the front of your trousers, so it looks like you have wet yourself, tell everyone who comes in to the elevator, that you had a little accident.
Pray to Budda.
Preach about the end of the world.
Pretend to be dead and lie on the elevator floor.
Pretend you’re a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers
Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.
Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock.
Read a book upside down.
Recite poetry in monotone.
Request for people to watch you Riverdance.
Say "Ding!" at each floor.
Say "I wonder what all these do" and push the red buttons.
Say, while holding a paper with OUT OF ORDER written on it, “I wonder why this was glued on the door when I came in.”
Scratch yourself.
Scribble furiously on a notepad while looking at each passenger. When they try to look, hide the pad.
Sell Girl Scout cookies.
Shadow box.
Shave.
Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.
Sing “Mary had a little lamb” while continually pushing buttons.
Sing: "I know a song that gets on everybody's nerve's, everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, i know a song that gets on everybody's nerves and it goes like this!" to the tune of "camp town lady"...pause...repeat...continually.
Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.
Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce “You’re one of THEM!” and move to the far corner of the elevator.
Stare at your thumb and say, "I think it's getting larger."
Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce “I’ve got new socks on!”
Start a sing-along.
Start reciting "Green Eggs and Ham" and ask people what comes next.
Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger: “Wanna see wha in muh mouf?”
Tap dance.
Tell everyone about the hidden rooftop penthouse belonging to the mob.
Tell everyone about your love life.
Tell people you can see their aura.
Tell the passengers not to worry. The bomb won't go off for at least another two minutes.
Throw a party in the vator!
Try to purchase an article of clothing from the person next to you.
Untie one shoe, then tie the other. Repeat.
Walk in circles. Change directions when you hit a passenger.
Walk on with a cooler that says “human head” on the side.
Wave hands wildly at invisible flies buzzing around your head.
Wear “X-Ray Specs” and leer suggestively at other passengers.
Wear a basketball jersey. Show everyone your armpit. Works best if you get a good workout and don't use deodorant.
Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers "through" it.
Wear a Santa suit...in June.
Wear a ski mask and carry an axe.
Wear complete SCUBA gear, then offer your buddy hose to the other passengers
When the elevator doors close, bang on them, screaming let me out!
When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: “Oh, not now... motion sickness!”
When the elevator doors close, announce to the others, “It’s okay, don’t panic, they’ll open again.”
When the doors close pretend you arm got caught in it.
When the doors open, pretend you did it with your mind.
When the elevator is silent, look around and ask, "Is that your beeper?"
When the elevator reaches another passenger’s floor, scream and collapse in front of the door.
When there’s only one other person on the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and pretend it wasn’t you.
While the doors are opening, hurriedly whisper, “hide it...quick!” then whistle innocently.
Whistle the first seven notes of “It’s a Small World” incessantly.

Recently reported in the Massachusetts Bar Association Lawyers
Journal, the following are questions actually asked of
witnesses by attorneys during trials and, in certain cases, the responses
given by insightful witnesses:

1.”Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep,
he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?”

2.”The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?”

3.”Were you present when your picture was taken?”

4.”Were you alone or by yourself?”

5.”Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the
war?”

6.”Did he kill you?”

7.”How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?”

8.”You were there until the time you left, is that true?”

9.”How many times have you committed suicide?”

10. Q: “So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?”
A: “Yes.”
Q: “And what were you doing at that time?”

11. Q: “She had three children, right?”
A: “Yes.”
Q: “How many were boys?”
A: “None.”
Q: “Were there any girls?”

12. Q: “You say the stairs went down to the basement?”
A: “Yes.”
Q: “And these stairs, did they go up also?”

13. Q: “Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn’t you?”
A: “I went to Europe, Sir.”
Q: “And you took your new wife?”

14. Q: “How was your first marriage terminated?”
A: “By death.”
Q: “And by who’s death was it terminated?”

15. Q: “Can you describe the individual?”
A: “He was about medium height and had a beard.”
Q: “Was this a male, or a female?”

16. Q: “Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
deposition notice which was sent to your attorney?”
A: “No, this is how I dress when I go to work.”

17. Q: “Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead
people?”
A: “All my autopsies are performed on dead people.”

18. Q: “All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did
you go to?”
A: “Oral.”

19. Q: “Do you recall the time that you examined the body?”
A: “The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m..”
Q: “And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?”
A: “No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing
an autopsy.”

20. Q: “You were not shot in the fracas?”
A: “No, I was shot midway between the fracas and the navel.”

21. Q: “Are you qualified to give a urine sample?”
A: “I have been since early childhood.”

22. Q: “Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you
check for a pulse?”
A: “No.”
Q: “Did you check for blood pressure?”
A: “No.”
Q: “Did you check for breathing?”
A: “No.”
Q: “So, then it is possible that the patient was alive
when you began the autopsy?”
A: “No.”
Q: “How can you be so sure, Doctor?”
A: “Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.”
Q: “But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?”
A: “It is possible that he could have been alive and
practicing law somewhere.