What happens when your worst enemy is yourself? What happens when your best friend is a voice in your head? And what happens when they're both not real? Full summary inside. (Chapters 26-28: New Fic, see inside for details)

'Snark, cynicsm and an undeniably selfish heart, all in one person. Really,' Holly thought sarcastically, 'what more could people want in Artemis Fowl? ' Drabbles.

"I once scored a ninety-nine percent on a mathematics assignment. I was mortified. I had forgotten to round up the third decimal point place. Imagine my embarrassment." –Artemis Fowl II, The Artemis Fowl Files, during the interview when asked what his most embarrassing moment was. Oneshot on what I believe happened.

Artemis is off to college, where he takes a passive then active interest in the goalie of the football (soccer) team. ArtemisxOMC

Artemis Fowl is many things, but "athletic" is not one of them. Unfortunately this calls for some unwarranted teasing from the other boys of his Saint Bartleby's Physical Education class. Will he let them have the final word?

Artemis Fowl the first is a less than perfect father and Artemis Fowl the second isn't a model son; between them, the words "I love you" hang unsaid.

Set during The Time Paradox, this is an alternate scene taking place when Holly finds out that Artemis manipulated her into going back in time. Holly is furious, but can she stay mad long in the face of a truly contrite Artemis? Or will she just give in?

A series of one shots revolving around the Fowl siblings.

Artemis Fowl Senior: Family-oriented eco-warrior who lost his way in the big bad world of business? Yeah right. Fairy magic and the People have a lot to answer for.

The psychiatrist spoke. "You might as well help yourself to a book, as it is your time that we're wasting." "You don't consider this a waste of your time?" Artemis enquired. "Oh no," the psychiatrist replied offhand. "I'm getting paid."

Beckett doesn't really like playing hide-and-go-seek with his brothers: Myles is too clever, and Artemis prone to distractions. A character piece.

He moves with all the fluidity and grace of a dancer - shiny, polished shoes seeking their place between the vines woven into the doubtlessly priceless carpet. Odd, she thinks, how he never steps on them. Post TP

"Artemis Fowl had retired half a dozen counselors from St. Barleby's already this year." Here's how. Six chapters, one for each psychologist losin' it.'

Early Father's Day tribute. Butler loves his young charge like a son. So every Father's Day, he's always hit with a powerful jealousy towards Timmy Fowl. But Artemis Fowl hasn't forgotten his favorite manservant this year.... One-Shot. Short.

When Artemis gets his appendix removed Holly thinks he's dying. Turns out fairies can't live without appendixes, so they don't know humans don't need them. Holly rushes to Artemis's side. Epilogue added at the suggestion of one kind reviewer.

"'That was your brother boys. That's my son Artemis.' She relished her next sentence. 'He's come back.'" Artemis' homecoming shortly after The Lost Colony.

Artemis ventures out into the public eye for the first time since his return. And promptly regrets it. Annoying gossiping busybodies.

In which Artemis ponders the advantages and disadvantages of being normal and whether or not he should or could be so. Rated T for brief use of *GASP!* the S-word! D:

When Artemis was six years old, he solved the mystery of the stolen Mayoral Jewels of Dublin. One Shot. Inspired by the Gnommish codes in the first Artemis Fowl book.

Artemis requests just a little help from Butler in choosing the 'correct' Autumn Festival date. No slash.

How Butler first met his charge, and the first person Butler threatened for him. One-shot

Artemis, reunited at last with his own family, does not see the point of spending the holidays with them, least of all his new brothers. And a family dinner only strengthened his resolve. That is, at first.

It was a day to be noted for Myles and Beckett had successfully hacked their first bank account. Yet Artemis would likely feel prouder if it weren't his account that they had gone after.

When Dahut calls with excellent news, the Council is ready and willing to help. So, to resurrect the sunken city of Ys, Holly Short is allowed to seek out the now twice mind-wiped Artemis Fowl. Based on the story of Ys and the myth of Callisto. One-shot.

The assassin slunk through the hallway with an ease born from years of practice. He had no need to fear being caught by the security cameras, disabling them had been child’s play. He had utter confidence that this assassination was going to be easy.

AFxOC, pre-slash. "And not even two minutes into my introduction, I had already made a fool of myself in such a way that everyone else wouldn't even speak."

It's a full moon tonight, and Artemis decides to listen to music to distract himself from completing the Ritual. Which songs would he choose to accomplish this? Random one-shot.

According to Artemis's esteemed, highly scientific mind, small percentages hardly mattered in overall equations or circumstances. But Holly teaches Artemis that sometimes location makes an awful lot of difference to that 1%

The ground is always down, and the sky is always up. That's not what he has trouble understanding.

Artemis has been playing the piano since before he can remember. His family hails him as a virtuoso. Artemis thinks he's a fraud. Oneshot.

One objective: Bring Commander Root back from the brink of death. Simple, right? Only problem is, they're three and a half years too late. But death's never stopped Artemis Fowl before, so why start now? Complete.

[500 word drabble] In which the word 'what' is used altogether way too often. [Two St. Bartleby's students, sex, or the lack of, and Artemis.] Simplistic!fic, meaning mostly dialogue. [of the slashy sort]

Oneshot. In an attempt to gain his father's approval, Artemis pushes himself a little too far. Preseries. R&R

A beach promenade with the family turns into something more... A Christmas fic for The White Lily. [Artemii & Angeline, light angst, 12LH, nominated for Best Short, Best Misc Genre & Best Characterization in the Orion Awards]

At the age of four, Artemis Fowl had discovered his life's ambition... to be the richest man in the world.

Artemis stole something at the end of TLC and the consequences may be greater than he realizes.

They say that there is no such thing as a true genius, that all genii are only proficient in one or two areas and often dismal in all others. Timmy is an example. Artemis is an exception. A response to the 'Idiot Savant' challenge.

Artemis' world is falling apart before his very eyes. Someone else has to put the pieces back together for him, before he falls apart too.