![]() It's the apocalypse office products falling from the sky!! ╔═╦╦══╦══╦╗╔╦══╦══╗╔╗ If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile. If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile. If you've ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy and paste this into your profile. If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile. If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy this on your profile. If people think you are mentally insane...copy and paste this onto your profile. If you have ever run into a door, copy and paste this into your profile. If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile. If you've ever fallen up the stairs, copy and paste this onto your profile If you've ever wondered what you are like in another dimension, copy and paste this in your profile. There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile. If you have a very wide range of interests, copy and paste this into your profile. If there are times when you wanna annoy people just for the heck of it, copy this into your profile. If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile. If you all ready have or can't but want to spread the word, copy this onto your profile. Paste this in your profile if you're a procrastination addict. 92 percent of American teens would die if Abecrombie and Fitch told them it was uncool to breathe. Copy this into your profile if you would be in the 8 percent laughing their asses off at the others. Put this in your profile if you didn't know the Alphabet Song, Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, and Baa Baa Black Sheep had the same tune, and were all composed by Mozart. If you hate those irritating mosquitos giving you mosquito bites, copy this in your profile. I'm bored...If you're bored then paste this in your profile and let the world know you have nothing to do If you get a kick out of explosions, copy and paste this to your profile. (BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMM!) If you have ever gotten so completely sidetracked in a conversation that you don't remember why you were talking in the first place, copy this into your profile. If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile. If you are insane, enjoying every second, and proud of it, copy this and paste it into your profile. If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this in your profile. If you have ever said something that has nothing to do with the current conversation, copy and paste this in your profile. If you know of a video game/book/movie/anime/manga character or weapon that need(s) to exist, copy and paste this in your profile. If you ever read past two in the morning, copy and paste this to your profile. If you have ever tripped over air, copy and paste this in your profile. If you are part of the unanimous club of Sasu-gay haters, copy and paste this in your profile. Hidden Meanings Kiss on the Stomach--"Lets have sex" Kiss on Forehead--"Forever you'll be mine" Kiss on Ear--"I'm horny" Kiss on Cheek--"We're friends" Kiss on Hand--"I adore you" Kiss on Neck--"We belong together" Kiss on Shoulder--"I want you" Kiss on Lips--"I love you" OR "I want you" Holding Hands--"We can learn to love each other" Slap on the Butt--"That's mine" Playing with the Ear--"I can't live without you" Holding on tight--"Don't let go" Looking into each others Eyes--"Don't leave me" Playing with hair on Head--"Tell me you love me" Arms around the Waist--"I love you to much to let go" Laughing while Kissing--"I am completely comfortable with you" Kiss on the Upper chest; I'm ready. Advice; If you were thinking about someone while reading this, QUOTES Lawyer: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?" Witness: "No." Lawyer: "Did you check for blood pressure?" Witness: "No." Lawyer: "Did you check for breathing?" Witness: "No." Lawyer: "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?" Witness: "No." Lawyer: "How can you be so sure, Doctor?" Witness: "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar." Lawyer: "But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?" Witness: "Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere." Lawyer: "So you were gone until you returned?" Lawyer: "You were there until the time you left, is that true?" Lawyer: "The youngest son, the 20 year old, how old is he?" Lawyer: "Were you alone or by yourself?" Lawyer: "I show you Exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture." Witness: "That's me." Lawyer: "Were you present when that picture was taken?" Lawyer: "She had three children, right?" Witness: "Yes." Lawyer: "How many were boys?" Witness: "None." Lawyer: "Were there girls?" Lawyer: (realizing he was on the verge of asking a stupid question) "Your Honor, I'd like to strike the next question." Lawyer: "What is your brother-in-law's name?" Witness: "Borofkin." Lawyer: "What's his first name?" Witness: "I can't remember." Lawyer: "He's been your brother-in-law for years, and you can't remember his first name?" Witness: "No. I tell you, I'm too excited." (rising and pointing to his brother-in-law) "Nathan, for heaven's sake, tell them your first name!" Lawyer: "Were you acquainted with the deceased?" Witness: "Yes sir." Lawyer: "Before or after he died?" Lawyer: "Did he pick the dog up by the ears?" Witness: "No." Lawyer: "What was he doing with the dog's ears?" Witness: "Picking them up in the air." Lawyer: "Where was the dog at this time?" Witness: "Attached to the ears." Lawyer: "What is your relationship with the plaintiff?" Witness: "She is my daughter." Lawyer: "Was she your daughter on February 13, 1979?" Lawyer: "Any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder trial instead of an attempted murder trial?" Witness: "The victim lived." If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile, and add your name to this list: Danyan, Avatarwolf, Shifter-youkai, AkatsukiFan,Cloud Envy, Phoxsia, Krazy Kitsune13, Teng, Akwon, Weaver of Light If you have ever stared at a computer screen for hours and hours reading stories that people who have no lives whats so ever and have enough obsession with something to write a story about it and you are one of those people, copy and paste this into your profile and add your name to the list: Shifter-youkai, AkatsukiFan,Cloud Envy, Phoxsia, Krazy Kitsune13, Teng, Akwon, Weaver of Light DON'T DRINK AND DRIVE! If you too are against drunk driving, add this to your profile and add your name to the bottom. ~NoOnesGal1848, Sakura-Cherry-Blossom-Chan, AkatsukiDreamer,Cloud Envy, Krazy Kitsune13, Teng, Akwon, Weaver of Light You're a 90's kid if: You can finish this 'ice ice _' . . . Furbies You haven't always had a computer, and it was cool to have the internet. If you're addicted to anime,copy & paste this into your profile. If you can read this message, you are smart because over two billion people in the world cannot read at all: I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas toghuht slpeling was ipmorantt! tahts so cool! If you can read that please put it in your profile. I OWE MY MOTHER 1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. "If you're going 2. My mother taught me RELIGION. "You better pray that will come out of 3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. "If you don't straighten up, 4. My mother taught me LOGIC. " Because I said so, that's why." 5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. "If you fall out of that swing and 6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. "Make sure you wear clean underwear, 7. My mother taught me IRONY. "Keep crying, and I'll give you something 8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. "Shut your mouth 9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. "Will you look at that dirt 10. My mother taught me about STAMINA"You'll sit there until all that 11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. "This room of yours looks as if 12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. "If I told you once, I've told 13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. "I brought you into this 14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. "Stop acting like 15. My mother taught me about ENVY. " There are millions of less 16 My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. "Just wait until we get 17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. "You are going to get it when 18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. "If you don't stop crossing 19. My mother taught me ESP. "Put your sweater on; don't you think I 20. My mother taught me HUMOR. "When that lawn mower cuts off your 21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. "If you don't eat your 22. My mother taught me GENETICS. "You're just like your father." 23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. "Shut that door behind you. Do 24. My mother taught me WISDOM. "When you get to be my age, you'll And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE. "One day you'll Love the stupidity and randomness. NOW! When life gives me lemons, I make orange juice and leave the world to wonder how the heck I managed it If at first you don't succeed, skydiving isn't for you If all else fails, destroy all evidence that you tried. I don't suffer from insanity - I enjoy every minute of it Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door The person who smiles when things go wrong has found someone to blame it on Better to stay silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt Never argue with an idiot. They'll just drag you down to their level and beat you with experience I'd tell you to go to hell, but I work there and really don't want to see you everyday Someday, we'll look on this, laugh nervously and change the subject I wondered why the frisbee was getting bigger, then it hit me Normal people scare me...but not as much as I scare them Even if the voices aren't real, they have some good ideas If I had any dignity that would have been humiliating. Sanity? I never had such a useless thing to begin with! That which does not kill me had better run pretty dang fast. Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed. A wise man once said, "Ask a girl." When in doubt, push random buttons! Fighting is mind over matter. I don't mind, and you don't matter When you talk to God, that's religion. When God talks to you, that's psychotic. There's always a light at the end of the tunnel. Of course, it's usually an oncoming express train. Last night I was looking up at the stars when suddenly I wondered..."Dude, where the heck's my ceiling?" There are three kinds of people. Those who learn by reading, a few who learn by observation, and the rest who have to test the electric fence for themselves. They say guns don't kill people; people do. Well, I think guns help. I mean, if you just stood there and yelled 'BANG!' I don't think you'd kill many people... Just when I think you've said the stupidest thing ever you just keep on talking You know, you do this annoying thing where you open your mouth and then these things you call words come out. Yeah like that. Stop it He who laughs last thinks slowest An idiot is a 44th floor window washer who steps back to admire his work I'm not cynical, everything just sucks I respect your opinion, I just think it's stupid It's not denial. I’m just selective about the reality I accept. They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance. Why be difficult, when with just a little bit of effort, you can be impossible? Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film. A clear conscience is usually a sign of memory loss. There are no stupid questions, just a lot of inquisitive idiots. The secret to success is sincerity. Once you can fake that you’re good I'm not as dumb as you look The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not. We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the police If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk. Sarcasm is one more service we offer. Hate is just a special kind of love we give to people who suck. I used to have super powers, but then my therapist took them away. They say the truth will set you free. Then why is it every time I tell the truth, I get sent to my room? Some people are like slinkies. They seem to have no purpose, but they still bring you a smile when you push them down the stairs. Keep smiling; it makes people wonder what you're up to Love your enemies. It gets them really confused. Always take the time to smell the roses...and sooner or later you'll inhale a bee. If a motorist cuts you off, just turn the other cheek...nothing gets the message across like a good mooning. If genius is 1 inspiration and 99 perspiration, I must be sharing elevators with a lot of bright people. It's always darkest before dawn...so if you're gonna steal the neighbors newspaper, that's the tme to do it. It takes fewer muscles to smile than to frown...and fewer still to ignore someone completely. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked up into jet engines. I believe no problem is so large or so difficult that it can't be blamed on someone else. My father always said laughter is the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us ended up dying of tuberculosis. It takes a big man to cry...but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man. When I'm feeling down I like to whistle...it makes my neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself. Doors are on a house so you don't have to go through the windows. If you can't get the skeletons out of your closet, you'd better teach them to dance. Stupid is just a 5 letter word. Don't ask me to think inside my head, because I lost my inside voice. Friends are like condoms, they protect each other when things get hard. No one ever says "it's only a game" if their team is winning. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be. If UFO's are supposed to be so intelligent, then why have they abducted humans? Anyone who says "As easy as taking candy from a baby" has never tried it. If voting could change anything, it would be illegal. That that is, is. That that is not, is not. That that is is not that that is not, and that that is not is not that that is. If you got a problem, cry a river, build a bridge, and get over it. I never repeat myself, so pay close attention to me the first time, cause I never repeat myself. Work is blackmail for survival. Don't look a gift horse in the mouth without first giving him a Certs. Canaries are the best, especially with ketchup on them. Slow and steady gets you trampled by the other guys. When opportunity knocks, shoot first and ask questions later. Fun flies when you're doing time. When all else fails, use duct tape. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool? If the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs", what does that make the Tennessee Titans? Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injection? You are now entering a school free drug zone. Thank you for pot smoking. I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow, isn't looking good either. I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by. Am I getting smart with you? How would you know? I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode. Someday we'll look back on all this and plow into a parked car. There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives. Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it. Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue. Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first time you need him, chances are you won't be needing him again. I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem. Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, "Where the heck is the ceiling?!" My Reality Check bounced. On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key. I don't suffer from stress. I'm a carrier. You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter. Everybody is somebody else's weirdo. I'm not a complete idiot. Some parts are missing --Girl: Slow down, I'm scared! Guy: No, this is fun Girl: No, it's not. Please, I'm scared. Guy: Then tell me you love me. Girl: I love you, now slow down! Guy: Now give me a big hug. She gives him a big hug Guy: Can you take off my helmet and put it on yourself, it's bothering me. In the newspaper the next day, a motorcycle had crashed into a building because of break failure. Two people were on it and only one survived. The truth was that halfway down the road, the guy realized his break wasn't working but he didn't want the girl to know. Instead he had her hug him and tell him one last time that she loved him. Then he had her put on his helmet so that she could live. If you would do this for a loved one copy and paste. LEARN CHINESE IN FIVE MINUTES...(IF YOU ARE CHINESE, PLEASE DON'T TAKE THIS OFFENSIVELY...IT IS ONLY FOR HUMOR) YOU MUST READ THIS OUT LOUD... 1 - THAT'S NOT RIGHT...Sum Ting Wong 2 - ARE YOU HARBORING A FUGITIVE...Wai Yu Hai Ding 3 - SEE ME ASAP...Kum Hia 4 - STUPID MAN...Dum Fuk 5 - SMALL HORSE...Tai Ni Po Ni 6 - DID YOU GO TO THE BEACH...Wai Yu So Tan 7 - I BUMPED THE COFFEE TABLE...Ai Bang Mai Fa King Ni 8 - I THINK YOU NEED A FACE LIFT...Chin Tu Fat 9 - IT'S VERY DARK IN HERE...Wai So Dim 10 - I THOUGHT YOU WERE ON A DIET...Wai Yu Mun Ching 11 - THIS IS A TOW AWAY ZONE...No Pah King 12 - OUT MEETING IS SCHEDULED FOR NEXT WEEK...Wai Yu Kum Now 13 - STAYING OUT OF SIGHT...Lei Ying Lo 14 - HE'S CLEANING HIS AUTOMOBILE...Wa Shing Ka 15 - YOUR BODY ODOR IS OFFENSIVE...Yu Stin Ki Pu 16 - GREAT!...Fa King Su Pa 17-ARE YOU PREGNANT...Wai Yu Soh Faht 18-YOU'RE CRUEL...Yu Me Ni 19-THAT'S A DOG...Mai Dog Gi 20-DUMB ASS-Wai Yu So Fa King Dum 21-GO DIE IN A HOLE...Goh Tu He Ll Yu Dum Fuk Only in America ...do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front. Only in America ...do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke. Only in America ...do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters. Only in America ...do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage. Only in America ...do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight. Only in America ...do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'. Only in America ... ...do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering. HOW I EXPLAIN LIFE AND DEATH... Life, is like God's way of kicking your sorry ass out of heaven and yelling, "AND DON'T COME BACK!!" Death, is like God's way of dragging you back up to heaven by your collar, mumbling, "Okay, I think you've done enough damage..." What makes life 100 percent? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100 percent? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants more than 100 percent. How about achieving 103 percent? Here's a little math that might prove helpful. If: is represented as: then: H A R D W O R K K N O W L E D G E but: A T T I T U D E and: So, it stands to reason that hard work and knowledge will get you close, And look how far this will take you... A S S K I S S I N G Think about it... and have a nice day at work... :) 16 THINGS TO DO AT WAL-MART 1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking. If you know someone who should get run over by a bus, copy this into your profile. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuudge! If you are really random put this on your profile. If you are aware that so many people nowadays pretend to be someone they're not, copy this on your profile. If your profile is longer than the chapters of most of your stories copy and paste this to your profile. 93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile and add your name to the list: Sunlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Moonlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Evil Genius of the COCA, Invader Miley Phantom, dAnnYsGiRl777, BloodySalvation, Lady Lost-A-Lot, bellabookworm9, Bella Masen Cullen, Alice001,HeartOfAgony,sorceress-of-faith, Ribbon-chan03, MyObsessionIsGaara, kage kui, NejiTenfanforever, 9shadowcat9, Akatsuki wolves6,NaruKiba Love Sad poem I did not make this but I think more people should read it. Mummy...Johnny brought a gun to school This is a true story. A girl died in 1933. A man barried her while she was still alive. The murder chanted, "Toma Sota balcu," as he buried her. Now that you read this chant, you will meet this little girl. In the middle of the night she will be on your ceiling. She will suffocate you like she was suffocated. If you post this on your profile, she will not bother you. Your kindness will be rewarded. |
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