Taken and copied from the profile of Bob Rhynoplasty

Bananas are better than men because:1.) You don't mind swallowing a banana; 2.) Bananas are always stiff; 3.) Bananas don't know how to fart; 4.) A bananas only purpose is to satisfy you; 5.) No one cares if you have two bananas in bed with you at the same time; 6.) Another womAn will never try to steal youR banana; 7.) Bananas can last the whole night through; 8.) Even the smallest bananas are at least eight inches long.

Sipping Vodka
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.
After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.
The monsignor replied, 'When I am worried about getting nervous On the
pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get
nervous, I take a sip.'
So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice.
At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.
He proceeded to talk up a storm.
Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on
the door:
1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp.
2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipate d.
5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and
the spook.
8) David slew Goliath, he did not kick the sht out of him.
9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he
was stoned off his ass.
10)We do not refer to the cross as the 'Big T.'
11)When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, 'take this and eat
it for it is my body.' He did not say ' Eat me'
12)The Virgin Mary is not called ' Mary with the Cherry,.
13)The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the
grub, Yeah God.
14)Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at ST.Peter's not a
peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
The Origination of this letter is unknown.

The differences between Friends and Italian Friends:
Friends: Move out when they're 18 with the full support of their parents.
Italian Friends: Move out when they're 28, having saved for that nice house and are a week away from getting married...unless there's room in the basement for the newlyweds.

Friends: When their mom visits them she brings a nice bunt cake and you sip coffee and chat.
Italian Friends: When their mom visits them she brings 3 days worth of food and begins to immediately tidy up, dust, do the laundry, and rearrange the furniture.

Friends: Their dads always call before they come over to visit them and its usually only on special occasions.
Italian Friends: Are not at all fazed when their dads come over, unannounced, on a Saturday morning at
8:00am and start pruning the trees with a chainsaw or renovating the garage. (That's about my grandfather)

Friends: You can leave your kids with them and you always worry if everything is going to be ok plus you have to feed them after you pick them up.

Italian Friends: No problem, leave the kids there and if they get out of line the Italian friend can set them straight...plus they get fed. (Very true)

Friends: Always pay retail and look in the yellow pages when they need something done.
Italian Friends: Just call their dad or uncle and ask for another dad's or uncle's phone number to get it done...cash deal, know what I mean.

Friends: Will come over for cake and coffee and expect cake and coffee, no more.
Italian Friends: Will come over for cake and coffee and expect an antipasto, a few bottles of wine, a pasta dish, a choice of two meats, salad, bread, potatoes, a nice dessert cake, fruit, coffee and a few after dinner drinks...time permitting there will be a late lunch as well. (Also very true, except my family doesn't do the late lunch, my grandmother's welsh, not Italian)

Friends: Think that being Italian is a great thing.
Italian Friends: Know that being Italian is a great thing.

FRIENDS VS.ITALIAN FRIENDS

FRIENDS: Never ask for food
ITALIAN FRIENDS: Are the reason you have no food.

FRIENDS: Will say "hello"
ITALIAN FRIENDS: Will give you a big hug and a kiss. (That is my mother)

FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr. and Mrs.
ITALIAN FRIENDS: Call your parents mom and dad (Oddly enough, my best friend does this with my parents, but she's not Italian).

FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.
ITALIAN FRIENDS: Cry with you.

FRIENDS: Will eat at your dinner table and leave
ITALIAN FRIENDS: Will spend hours there, talking, laughing and just being together

FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back.
ITALIAN FRIENDS: Keep your stuff so long they forget it's yours.

FRIENDS: know a few things about you.
ITALIAN FRIENDS: Could write a book with direct quotes from you.

FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that's what the crowd is doing.
ITALIAN FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds' ass that left you.

FRIENDS: Would knock on your door.
ITALIAN FRIENDS: Walk right in and say, "I'm home!" (I keep telling my best friend she should just give me a key to her apartment. She never listens)

FRIENDS: Are for a while.
ITALIAN FRIENDS: Are for life.

FRIENDS: Will ignore this.
ITALIAN FRIENDS: Will keep this going.

Even when you cant see Him, GOD is there! If you belive in GOD put this in your profile,

If you think those kids should just give the Rabbit his cereal put this in your profile!

Try not to Cry

Mommy ... Johnny brought a gun to school, He told his friends that it was cool, And when he pulled the trigger back, It shot with a great, huge crack. Mommy, I was a good girl, I did what I was told, I went to school, got straight A's, and I even got the gold! When I went to school that day, I never said goodbye, I'm sorry that I had to go, but Mommy, please don't cry. When Johnny shot the gun, he hit me and another, And all because Johnny, got the gun from his brother. Mommy, please tell Daddy; That I love him very much, And please tell Zack, my boyfriend; That it wasn't just a crush. And tell my sister; That she is the only one now, And tell my dear, sweet grandmother; I'll be waiting for her now, And tell my wonderful friends; That they always were the best, Mommy, I'm not the first, I'm no better than the rest. Mommy, tell my teachers; I won't show up for class, And never to forget this, and please don't let this pass. Mommy, why'd it have to be me? No one though, deserves this, But Mommy, it's not fair, I left without a kiss. And Mommy tell the doctors; I know that they really did try, I think I even saw one doctor, trying not to cry. Mommy, I'm slowly dying, with a bullet in my chest, But Mommy please remember, I'm in heaven with the rest. When I heard that great, big crack, I ran as fast as I could, Please listen to me if you would, I wanted to go with college, I wanted to try things that were new, I guess I'm not going with Daddy, on that trip to the new zoo. I wanted to get married, I wanted to have a kid, I wanted to be an actress, I really wanted to live. But Mommy, I must go now, the time is getting late, Mommy, tell my Zack, I'm sorry to cancel our date. I love you Mommy, I always have, I know you know it's true, And Mommy all I need to say is, "Mommy, I love you."

Now you have 2 choices;

1.) Pass this on, and show people you care, repost as "Try not to Cry"

2.) Don't send it, and you have just proven how cold-hearted you really are ...