Simple. If your fic sucks, I'll aggressively review it just to tell you how bad it is. And we're not talking 'plot inconsistencies' bad, but 'I want to gouge my eyes out after reading it' bad. So bad, that it cannot be fixed by anything but a complete rewrite. Why? Cause it's that bad and you should feel bad. If it doesn't suck, I'll be nice. And constructive. Keep going!

If you got one of my reviews and think I'm a terrible human being for doing this, you're even worse for polluting the planet with a pile of pure shit (for clarification, look at the left side of your screen) that cannot adhere to the most basic standards of writing, like putting a period at the end of a sentence.

If you disagree, please elaborate as extensively as you can in a PM.

If your feelings got hurt, also tell me in a PM. Just know, your PM's going to be promptly laughed at, snarkily replied to and stored in a folder till the end of time.

Frequently Asked Questions:

Q: "Ur ansers r hardd to get, y u rite like that?"
A: If you're a big boy whose intelligence can rival a 12-year old's, then move on. If not, here's a short and easy-to-understand answer, just for you. Delete your shitfics, delete your account, don't write anything ever again.

Q: "Y did u review my stroy n not sb elses? There r many othr bad 1s to!"
A: Yes, but yours was the one I was unlucky enough to stumble upon. But that's not the only reason. I don't review stories that are at least trying to be stories. A 5/10 fic wouldn't get a review, because the author's at least attempting to come up with a setting. You clearly couldn't manage to do something this simple, so please don't post anything until you can write something semi-presentable. We're trying to enjoy our day here, not have it ruined.

Q: "But who r u to judge?!"
A: Well, I'm glad you asked. The answer is, the guy that got bombarded by the pile of garbage you wrote. At this point, calling my review an opinion is plain wrong. If I appeared, it means your fic's objectively terrible. You reached the point where nobody with an IQ lower than 50 could possibly defend what you've written. Go back to the drawing board. Actually, no, go to the drawing board.

Q: "Fr*ck you i rite for fun, do u know fnu?!"
A: And we, the readers, read for fun. But sadly, when we stumble upon your shitfic, it simply stops being fun. If you can't even write a proper sentence, don't bother with FFN. Go back to primary school.

Q: "i bet u can't rite any bettr, can u?"
A: I recognize that fact, therefore I don't torture people by uploading stories that might as well be rituals for summoning hell's wretched spawns. You should do the same.

Q: "Ur an asshole omg, y r u doin' this?"
A: Can't you fucking read? All you have to do is start from the beginning to find out.

Q: "Did u now I can rpeort u?"
A: You don't seem to understand how easy it is to make a new account. Like this one right here.

Q: "Y can't u be constructive?"
A: I could, but stories that are the reason 0/10 ratings exist don't need me to be constructive. Everything is bad, period.

Q: "ur opinonion dude!"
A: Let's be honest. If you can't punctuate properly, it's not an opinion. It's a brutal reminder as to why you should probably go back to watching Jake Paul and feel good about being a 'maverick'.

Q: "Its nt a reveiw, its an atak!"
A: It's a sign. A sign that, whatever it is you've uploaded, should not have been written at all. AKA take a fucking hint, dumbass.

Q: "ur not writing questoins nao!"
A: Yeah, there's no way you could think of anything else to ask. After all, you got a review from me. How much smarter can you be from the typical 9-year old?