-When life gives you lemons, make apple juice, then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it -When life gives you lemons, throw them back and demand chocolate -When life gives you lemons, throw them at the mean people and hope it gets them in the eyes -If at first you don't succeed, burn all the evidence that you tried -Last night I was looking up at the stars when suddenly I wondered, "Dude, where the heck's my ceiling?" -An apple a day keeps the doctor away. But if the doctor is cute, forget about the fruit! xD - There's a light at the end of every tunnel, just pray it isn't a train. - Those who say nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door - Silence is golden but duct tape is silver - I couldn't repair your brakes so I made your horn louder 93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile and add your name to the list: Sunlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Moonlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Evil Genius of the COCA, Invader Miley Phantom, dAnnYsGiRl777, BloodySalvation, Lady Lost-A-Lot, bellabookworm9, Bella Masen Cullen, Vampire Scooby, Alannaswarrior, SpottedLilly, Alleyanna Cullen, hugs.4.all.the.emo.boyz, WritingRocks6, Bubble Blower, panache2005, .Dr1v3n t0 1n5aN1Ty., Serenity.Jones, crystalshake, KOIZUMI MICHIYO, Eeveeninja77, PhantomGirl12, StarSapphireWolf, Black Rose Hokaru, Song Of Hope, Colorici74, DragonFang2011, MRose5 Most people would be offended if someone asked them what was wrong with their mind. Copy this into your profile if you would be one of the few people that would answer: "Where to begin?" If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have an obsession, post this on your profile to tell all those who think that you aren't normal to get stuffed, because obsession RULES! If you have ever seen a movie so many times that you can quote it word for word. And you do at random moments; copy and paste this in your profile. (HTTYD) If you are anti-social sometimes copy this into your profile. If you think the school week is way too long and weekends are way too short, copy this onto your profile. If you're a fangirl and proud of it, copy this into your profile If you are or have ever been in love with a fictional character copy and paste this into our profile. If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this onto your profile. If you want to learn Japanese, copy/paste this into your profile. If reality continues to ruin your life, copy and paste this into your profile. If you know a video game/book/movie/anime/manga character or weapon that need(s) to exist, copy and paste this into your profile If you think that twilight ISN'T the greatest thing and people who are obsessed with it should get a life copy and paste this into your profile. If there are times when you wanna annoy people just for the heck of it, copy this into your profile If your profile is longer than the chapters of most of your stories copy and paste this to your profile. (I can never write long chapters) If you love reading, copy this into your profile If you think it's stupid that girls are automatically labeled with the color pink, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have an odd sort of love/hate relationship with your computer, copy and paste this into your profile I don't suffer from insanity... I enjoy every minute of it. If you are insane, enjoying every second, and proud of it, copy this and paste it into your profile. If you ever wished you could talk to animals or be an animal, copy and paste this into your profile. If you're keeping a secret from the world, copy and paste this onto your profile. If you have ever spent more than six hours straight on the computer then copy this into your profile, add your name to the list. PenguinYasha, leafninja345435, Tsukiko The Librarian, M-Warrior, BTM707, Dreamnorn, Sceptilelv100, Sam Leonhart, JadeKurosaki, Aqua girl 007, EgyptianSky,sukairaa-chan, The Thief King, RiverTear980, Marikshipper, Coolaloo, Eien Ni Ushinawa, Song Of Hope, Colorici74, DragonFang2011, MRose5 93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile and add your name to the list: Sunlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Moonlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Evil Genius of the COCA, Invader Miley Phantom, dAnnYsGiRl777, BloodySalvation, Lady Lost-A-Lot, bellabookworm9, Bella Masen Cullen, Vampire Scooby, Alannaswarrior, SpottedLilly, Alleyanna Cullen, hugs.4.all.the.emo.boyz, WritingRocks6, Bubble Blower, panache2005, .Dr1v3n t0 1n5aN1Ty., Serenity.Jones, crystalshake, KOIZUMI MICHIYO, Eeveeninja77, PhantomGirl12, StarSapphireWolf, Black Rose Hokaru, Song Of Hope, Colorici74, DragonFang2011, MRose5, Things I am not to do at Hogwarts 1) The Giant Squid is not an appropriate date to the Yule Ball 2) I am not allowed to sing, "We're Off to See the Wizard" while skipping off to the Headmaster's office 3) I am not allowed to take out a life insurance policy on Harry Potter 4) I am not allowed to ask Dumbledore to show you the pointy hat trick 5) I am not allowed to give Remus Lupin a flea collar 6) I am not allowed to bring a Magic 8 Ball to Divination 7) I am not allowed to say that Seamus Finnegan is "after my lucky charms" 8) I am not allowed to start a betting pool on this years Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. It's taste-less, tacky, and not a good money-making strategy. 9) I am not allowed to joke about Remus' "time of the month" 10) I am not allowed to make light saber sounds with my wand 11) I am not allowed to give Hagrid Pokemon cards and convince him they're real animals 12) I am not to refer to the Accio charm as "The Force" 14) I will not use my socks to make hand-puppets of the Slytherin-House mascot 15) If the thought of a spell makes me giggle for more than 15 seconds, assume that I am not allowed to use it 16) I will not lock the Slytherin's and Gryffindor's in a room together and bet on which House will come out alive 17) I will not charm the suits of armor to do a rendition of "The Knights of the Round Table" for the Christmas Feast 18) I am not allowed to declare an official "Hug A Slytherin Day" 19) I am not allowed to sing my own personal spy music while wandering the hallways 20) It is not necessary to yell, "BURN!" Whenever Snape takes points away from Gryffindor 21) I will not say the phrase, "Get a Life" to Voldemort 22) First years are not to be fed to Fluffy 23) I will never ask Harry if his Voldie senses are tingling 26) It is not necessary to yell, "BAM" every time I Apparate 27) I will not steal Gryffindor sword from Dumbledore's office and use it to patrol the hallways 28) I will not poke Hufflepuff's with spoons, nor shall I insist that their color's indicate that they're "covered in bee's" 29) "I've heard every joke possible about Oliver Wood's name" is not a challenge 32) If a class-mate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of that and draw a Dark Mark on their arm 33) House Elves are not acceptable replacements for Bludgers 34) I will not start every potion's class by asking Snape if the potion is acceptable as Body Lotion 35) I will not call the Weasly twins, "bookends" 36) I will not call the Patil twins, "bookends" 37) I will not call the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher Kenny, even if he is wearing an orange anorak 45) I will not dress up as Voldemort on Halloween 46) It is a bad idea to tell Snape he takes himself to seriously 47) I will not tell Sir Cadogan that The Knight's Who Say Ni have challenged him to a duel, then have all the students say, 'Ni' from various directions 48) I am not the King of the Potato People and I do not have a flying carpet 49) "To conquer the Earth with an army of flying monkeys" is not a career choice 50) I will not attack my fellow classmates 51) I will not make an impossible riddle for people to give an answer to enter the Ravenclaw area REASONS TO JOIN THE DARK SIDE (If you wish to join, add this list to your profile.) 1. We have cookies (last I checked there was hot chocolate too) 2. You get a sweet, dark cape that covers your whole body! 3. You get a really cool, crazy laugh! Practice with me, people: MUHAHAHAHAHA 4. You get to walk out of shadows mysteriously and freak out the good guys! 5. We get to wear black. Everything looks better and more form-fitting when it's black. 6. One word: UNDERLINGS! Someone to get things for you when you're too lazy to do them yourself... Now that's the life! 7. Money, Money, Money : Ever notice that we are usually much richer than the good guys? 8. WORLD DOMINATION! The BEST reason! - Stupidity killed the cat. Curiousity was framed. - Some people are alive today, simply because it is illegal to kill them. - I used all my sick days, so I called in dead... - They say, "Guns dont kill people, people kill people.' Well, I think the gun helps, because if you just stood there and yelled, "BANG" I dont think you'd kill too many people. - So, if guns kill people, can I blame misspelled words on my pencil? - Save the Earth. It's the only planet with chocolate. - You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me. - When Life gives you lemons, throw them back, because, I mean, really? Who likes lemons? - When Life gives you lemons, make grape juice, and sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it. - When Life gives you lemons, squirt them in Life's eye, and see how much Life likes lemons then. - Smile; it makes people wonder what you're up to. - The dinosaurs' extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all commited suicide. - If electricity comes from electrons, where do you think morality comes from? - Isn't it funny how the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning many and 'tics' as in the bloodsucking leeches? - You cry, I cry. You laugh, I laugh. You jump off a cliff, I laugh even harder. - Everything in this room is eatable, even I'm eatable. But that is called 'cannibalism' my dear children, and it is in fact frowned upon in most societies. -Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. - If it looks like a duck, smells like a duck, and quacks like a duck, it's either a duck or someone under Polyjuice. - Kids are the future. Be afraid. Be very afraid. - Come to the Dark Side... we have cookies! - One day we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject. -The statistics of insanty is that 1 of every 4 people have a mental illness. Look at your three best friends, if they're okay, then it's you. - Flying is simple. Just throw yourself at the ground and miss.- - The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not. - Two things are infinite; the universe, and human stupidity... not so sure about the universe. - What happens if you get scared half to death twice? That's a really good question... I wonder... - Do not take life too seriously; no one gets out alive. - Why be difficult, when with just a little bit of effort, you can be impossible? - Don't you dare tell me the sky is the limit when there are footsteps on the moon. - I was going to take over the world, but I got distracted by something sparkly. - I'm not random, I just have many tho- OOH, LOOK! A SQUIRREL! - Please: Don't throw your cigarette butt's on the floor, the cockroaches are getting cancer. - Warning: Trespassers will be shot, Survivors will be shot again. There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. When you argue with yourself and LOSE is when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile. Did you know the average American only reads 3 books a year? If you don't believe that it's even possible to read that little, copy and paste this onto your profile. If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile. If you believe that straight, gay, bi, and lesbian people are all equal and entitled to their beliefs, copy and paste this into your profile. If you've ever wished you could go into a book and strangle some of the characters for being so incredibly dumb, copy and paste this into your profile. If you can freak someone out just by glaring at them, copy and paste this on your profile. (I have been told numerous times it's extremely creepy when I glare at someone... another characteristic I share w. Snape! :3) If you've ever threatened your computer, copy and paste this into your profile In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual labels on consumer goods: On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. ( that's the only time I have to work on my hair). On a bag of Fritos! ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)? On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how?...) On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion). On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)! On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought?...) On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?) On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.) On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and.. .I'm taking this because?...)On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?) On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.) On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash) On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?) On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.) On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands." (...was there a lot of this happening somewhere) On a hair straightener: "Do not use in water." (Yes, because I always straighten my hair when I'm taking a bath.)Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity copy and paste this into your profile! XD Stephen Wright: If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it? Spike Milligan: I have the body of an eighteen year-old. I keep it in the fridge. Billy Connolly: Never trust a man, who, when left alone in a room with a tea cosy, doesn't try it on. and. If you can lie on the ground, without holding on, you're sober. Winston Churchill: Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing ever happened. Jack Handey: Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes. Ellen DeGeneres: My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.Unknown: "When life gives you lemons, make applesauce. Then sit back, relax, and watch as everyone tries to figure out how the hell you did that." Albert Einstein: "Only the Universe and human stupidity are infinite - and I'm not so sure about the former ..." Dr. Seuss: "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind." Napoleon Bonaparte: "Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake." I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that crap up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you!! IMPORTANT THINGS MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME! 1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning." 2. My mother taught me RELIGION. "You better pray that will come out of the carpet." 3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!" 4. My mother taught me LOGIC. "Because I said so, that's why." 5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me." 6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident." 7. My mother taught me IRONY. "Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about." 8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. "Shut your mouth and eat your supper." 9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck?" 10. My mother taught me about STAMINA. "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone." 11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it." 12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. "If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!" 13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out." 14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. "Stop acting like your father!" 15. My mother taught me about ENVY. "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do." 16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. "Just wait until we get home." 17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. "You are going to get it when you get home!" 18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way." 19. My mother taught me ESP. "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?" 20. My mother taught me HUMOR. "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me." 21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up." 22. My mother taught me GENETICS. "You're just like your father." 23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. "Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?" 24. My mother taught me WISDOM. "When you get to be my age, you'll understand." 25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE. "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!" If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile. TO ALL MY FRIENDS: 1. When you are scared, I will rag on you about it every chance I get. 2. When you are worried, I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining. 3. When you are confused, I will use little words. 4. When you are sick, stay the heck away from me until you are well. I don't want whatever you have. 5. When you fall, I will point and laugh at your clumsy butt. 6.You laugh, I laugh. You cry, I cry. You hurt, I hurt. You jump off a bridge, I get a paddle boat and save your stupid ass 7.When you smile, I will know you are plotting something that I must be involved in. 6 REASONS NOT TO MESS WITH CHILDREN AND WHY THEY ARE CONSIDERED DIABOLICAL 1. A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible. The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah". The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?" The little girl replied, "Then you ask him ". 2. A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, "I'm drawing God." The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like." Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute." 3. A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill." 4. One day, a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the sink. She suddenly notices that her mother had several strands of whitehair on her head. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Momma?" Her mother replied, "Well, every time you do something to make me sad or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white." The little girl pondered this revelation for a while, then said, Momma, how come ALL of Grandma's hairs are white?" 5. The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. "Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'that's Michael, He's a doctor.' A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, she's dead." 6. The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching." Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples." Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else. I don't suffer from insanity I enjoy every minute of it. Perfection is a waste of time. Engineering: 'How will this work?' Science:'Why will this work?' Management: 'When will this work? Liberal Arts:'Do you want fries with that? Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; I'm not sure about the universe. You laugh because I'm different. I laugh because you're all the same. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid. There is stupid coming out of your mouth hole again So many boys, so many reasons to stay alone I didn't mean to hurt your feelings...I was aiming for your face If at first you don't succeed, don't try skydiving. I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder. You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it. Evening News is where they begin with "Good Evening" then proceed to tell you why it isn't I can only please on person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow's not looking good, either. Don't follow in my footsteps, I tend to walk into walls Men are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the free ones are handicapped. There are no stupid questions, just stupid people. What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.' Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there. We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked. We have enough sense to realize that the easiest way to get out of being lost is to ask for directions. Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver. There's always a light at the end of the tunnel. Of Course, it could be the light of an incoming express train. Evening news is where they say, "Good Evening" then proceed to tell you why it's not. The dinosaur's extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide. Labels are for cans, and in case you haven't noticed, I'm not a can! Excuse me. Have you seen my sanity? I think I've lost it... Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us how to walk and talk, then the rest of our lives telling us to sit down and shut up. They say, "Guns don't kill people. People kill people." Well, I think the gun helps. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe. When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep-- not screaming, like the passengers in his car. Don't think of your self as an ugly person. Think of yourself as a beautiful monkey. A stranger stabs you in the front; a friend stabs you in the back; a boyfriend stabs you in the heart, but best friends only poke each other with straws. My best friends are the kind that if my house were on fire, they'd be roasting marsh mellows and flirting with the firemen. I'm not prejudiced. I hate everyone equally. If two wrongs dont make a right, try three. Borrow money from pessimists- they dont expect to get it back. Flying is simple. Just throw yourself at the ground and miss. Don’t knock on death’s door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that. An apple a day keeps the doctor away... if well-aimed. Paper may beat rock, but cannonball make big hole in paper. One way to find out if something works: push all the buttons. One day your prince will come. Mine? He took a wrong turn, got lost, and was to stubborn to ask for directions. I hear your silence loud and clear. It's always the last place you look for it... of course it is! Why would you keep looking if you found it? I'm not so good at advice; may I intrest you in a sarcastic reply? Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most. The trouble with alarm clocks is that they always go off when you're asleep. If silence is golden, if talking silver? Real girls aren't perfect, and perfect girls aren't real. I've got ADD and magic markers. Oh, the fun I will have. Note to self: Normal is just a setting on washing machines. My favorite word is sarcasm. Please don't drop cigarette buds on the floor, the cockroaches are getting cancer. When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. You know the speed of light, so what's the speed of dark? If you want to look young and thin, hang around with old fat people. If Wal-mart is lowering their prices everyday, how come the store isn't free yet? Sarcasm doesn't work on a sarcastic person. Isn't Disney World just a people trap operated by a mouse? What hair color do they put down on the driver's licenses of a bald man? I'm not littering... just donating to the Earth. It's funny--the people who want quiet are always the loudest getting people to shut up. I'm not laughing at you, I'm laughing with you... you're just not laughing. Be nice to your kids. They choose your nursing home. -- if you can raed tihs, cpoy tihs itno yuor polrfie, and sea if ohtres can raed it. YOUR GUY SIDE: YOUR GIRL SIDE: I'm a girl... how? This either has to be wrong or I'm really a dude and I don't think it's the second one |
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