Re-post this to help stop racism:

Black and White:

A black man was talking to a white man and said: "I'm black. When I was born I was black. When I grew up I was black. When I'm sick I'm black. When I go in the sun I'm black. When I'm cold I'm black. When I die I'll still be black. But you: When you were born you were pink. When you grew up you were white. When you're sick you're green. When you go in the sun you're red. When you're cold you're blue. When you die you'll be purple. And you have the nerve to call me colored. "

Controversial Issues:
1) Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, liposuction and air conditioning.
2) Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.
3) Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.
4) Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.
5) Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Britney Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.
6) Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren't full yet, and the world needs more children.
7) Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.
8) Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in America. (Or wherever you're from)
9) Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.
10) Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven't adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans...

Re-post this if you believe in legalizing gay marriage.

'Never Argue With A Woman'

One morning, the husband returns the boat to their lakeside cottage after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap.

Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out.

She motors out a short distance, anchors, puts her feet up, and begins to read her book. The peace and solitude are magnificent.

Along comes a Fish and Game Warden in his boat.

He pulls up alongside the woman and says, 'Good morning, Ma'am.What are you doing?'

'Reading a book,' she replies, (thinking, 'Isn't that obvious?').

'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her.

'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading.'

'Yes, but I see you have all the equipment.

For all I know you could startat any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up.'

'If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault,' says the woman.

'But I haven't even touched you,' says the Game Warden.

"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment."

'Have a nice day ma'am,' and he left.

MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads.
It's likely she can also think

“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the the universe.” ~Albert Einstein

"For a moment, nothing happened. Then, after a second or so, nothing continued to happen." ~Douglas Adams

Why Men are Never Depressed

-Men are just happier people

-What do you expect from such simple creatures?

-Their last name stays put

-The garage is all theirs

-Wedding plans take care of themselves

-Chocolate is just another snack

-They can be president

-They can never get pregnant

-They can wear a white T-shirt to a water park

-They can wear NO shirt to a water park

-Car mechanics tell them the truth

-The world is their urinal

-They never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky

-They don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt

-Same work, more pay

-Wrinkles add character

-Wedding dress $5000, tux rental $100

-People never stare at their chest when you're talking to them

-New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle their feet

-One mood all the time

-Phone conversation are over in 30 seconds flat

-They know stuff about tanks

-A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase

-They can open their own jars

-They get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness

-If someone forgets to invite them, he or she can still be your friend

-Their underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack

-Three pairs of shoes are more then enough

-They almost never have strap problems in public

-They are unable to see wrinkles in their clothes

-Everything on their face stays its original color

-The same hairstyle lasts for years, ever decades

-They only have to shave their face and neck

-They can play with toys all their life

-One wallet and one pair of shoes-one color for all seasons

-They can wear shorts no matter how their legs look

-They can "do" their nails with a pocket knife

-They have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache

-They can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

Things to Think About

Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance that little indestructible black box is?
Can fat people go skinny-dipping?
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
So what's the speed of dark?
How come abbreviated is such a long word?
Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a Train stops On my desk, I have a work station..
If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"?
Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
Should women put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans?
Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do . . . write to these men?
How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there?
If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting OUT of the water?
Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
If you're sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?
Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?
Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?
Why can't you find fresh sardines in the fish market?

There's a light at the end of every tunnel...lets just hope it's not a train.

Come to the dark side. We have COOKIES!

Lewis's Law of Travel:
The first piece of luggage out of the chute doesn't belong to anyone, ever.

If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.

Always remember that you are unique, just like everyone else.

Marriage is grand - and divorce is about 10 grand.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.

Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.

What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere?
'Hold my purse.'

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid.

Worst excuse for not turning in homework: I couldn't find anyone to copy it from.

Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the world together.

There are three sides of an arguement -- your side, my side and the right side.

Whatever it is -- I didn't do it!

A hippie is someone who looks like Tarzan, walks like Jane and smells like Cheetah.

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice.

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.

A sane mind is a boring one.

I admit I'm insane, but at least I'm at a normal level.

I smile because I have no idea what's going on!

I used to be normal, until I met the freaks that I call my friends.

teachers are like slinkys, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs.

Ever stop to think and forget to start again?

They say, "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill to many people.

Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean that they're not out to get you.

It's all fun and games until the other person loses their sanity.

I'm not insane... i just do whatever the voices tell me to.

Don't hate yourself in the morning-sleep till noon.

I'm so gangster, I carry a squirt gun.

I'm not so good at advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?

I was gifted, but the psychiatrist took away my powers.

You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder.

I don't obsess! I think intensely.

Are children who act in rated 'R' movies allowed to see them?

Apparently 1 in 5 people are Chinese; there are five people in my family so it must be one of them. it's ether my mom or dad, or my older brother Collin, or my younger brother Ho-chan-chu, but I think it's Colin.

"I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear into my crib."

"At my lemonade stand I used to give away the first glass for free, and charge five dollars for the refill. It contained the antidote."

"Happiness is your dentist telling you “it won't hurt a bit,” and then he catches his hand in the drill."

"The good news is that you may have screwed up my past and created my present but you have no control over my future."

Let's play truth or dare! Or maybe just dare, because nobody seems to tell the truth anymore.

There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.

Basic Definitions of Science: If it's green or wiggles, it's biology. If it stinks, it's chemistry. If it doesn't work, it's physics.

Those who fail history class are doomed to repeat it.

You know it's going to be a bad day when you jump out of bed and miss the floor.

The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy.

Asking a writer what he thinks about criticism is like asking a lamppost what it thinks about dogs.

My friends are the type of people who would try to drown a fish, but I love them anyway.

If you have 5 fish and 3 of them drown, how many are left?

You're not yourself today. I noticed the improvement immediately.

A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking.

Education is important; school however, is another matter.

Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them more

Evening News is where they begin with "Good Evening" then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

Don't follow in my footsteps; I tend to walk into walls.

Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.

There are three kinds of people in the world; ones that can count and ones that can't count.

I am on a quest to the deepest, darkest corners of my room in search of what some would call "a floor" - a long and difficult task awaits me. Wish me luck my friends for I may not return alive.

I'm not paranoid... WHICH ONE OF MY ENEMIES TOLD YOU THIS!

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried

Flying is simple. Just throw yourself at the ground and miss.

Trying is the first step toward failure.

When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it.

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken over there ... I'm gonna eat the first thing that comes out if its butt”?

Ooooo...a life. Where can I download one?

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill themselves, is it considered a hostage situation?

"The dinosaurs extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide."

"Doctors say I have multiple personality disorder. We disagree with that."

“I am sick of people having a near death experience and saying they saw the light. You know what the paramedics do when they first arrive? THEY SHINE A LIGHT IN YOUR EYE! That’s not GOD…it’s a MAGLIGHT!” ~Tony V.

Fake is the new trend. I guess everyone’s in style.

Yes I may be smiling, but I’m secretly laughing at your face.

I didn’t say that it was your fault…I said I was going to blame you.

I'm the person your mother warned you about.

If you have noticed this notice you will have noticed that this notice is not worth noticing.

I hear voices, and they don't like you.

Can't anybody who has a job go in the "employees only" doors at restaurants? Shouldn’t they be more specific and say "employees of this place only"?

Do not disturb I’m disturbed enough already

The human brain starts working the moment you are born and never stops until you stand up to speak in public.

Man invented language to satisfy his need to complain

Stupidity killed the cat. Curiousity was framed.

I'm the kind of person who laughs at a joke three times. Once when it's said, once when it's explained to me, once five minutes later when I finally get it.

When I was younger, I hated going to weddings cause all the grandmothers would say, "Your next!" That quickly ended when I started saying that to them at funerals.

Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.

When you get caught looking at him, just remember, he was looking back!

I dream of a better world where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned.

I used up all my sick days...so I called in dead.

Real girls aren't perfect, perfect girls aren't real. You want a perfect girl? Go buy a Barbie

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep - not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

I smile because I have no idea what's going on!

One day, your prince will come. Mine? Oh, he just took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions.

One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.

Don't knock on death's door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that.

Whoever said nothing was impossible never tried slamming a revolving door...

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.

Of course I'm out of my mind! It's dark and scary in there!

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

People are like slinkies; basically useless, but ever so amusing to watch fall down the stairs.

If you can't convince them, confuse them.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed.

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving isn't for you.

What happens if you get scared half to death... twice?

Never do anything that you wouldn't want to explain to the paramedics.

The dinosaurs extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide.

I run with scissors, it makes me feel dangerous.

I had amnesia once--or twice. You know what? I don't really even remember.

life isn't trying to pass me by, it's trying to run me over

when it rains on my parade, I bust out the slip 'n slide

they say 'guns don't kill people, people kill people.' well, I think that the gun helps. you wouldn't kill too many people standing there yelling 'BANG!'

flying is simple: just throw yourself at the ground and miss

when someone is getting on your nerves, it takes 42 muscles to frown, 17 to smile, but only 4 muscles are needed to extend your arm and beat the crap out of them

life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass it's about learning to dance in the rain

nobody's worth your tears, and the ones that are won't make you cry

everyday is a gift, that's why its called the present

I have the answer in my head, I just haven't found it yet

life is not measured in the breaths we take but in the moments that take our breath away

everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film

the early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

behind every damsel is a fire breathing dragon

don't talk unless you can improve the silence

I'm a nobody, nobody's perfect, therefore I'm perfect

stupidity killed the cat. curiosity got framed

some of the most wonderful, dazzling successes are going to happen to some of the most awful, undeserving people you know - people who are, in other words, not you