My first name is Brittany.

Age, 18,

ENJOY MY STORIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i have a tumblr and a Quotev. I'm under the same user name!!

-- Read This --
I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty
uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal
pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a
rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't
mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the
olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer
be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl
mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.
Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed
ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.
Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas toghuht slpeling
was ipmorantt! tahts so cool!

If you can read this then you can paste it in your profile

Random quotes i thought were cool

"The one who smiles the most is the one who's the most broken. The one who fights the most is the one who wants to find peace.
The one who encourages others is the one who always feels useless.
The one who seems insane is the one who is just following a life no one else understands, or will ever believe. Nor do they want to."

"They laugh at me because I'm different. I laugh at them because they're all the same."

"Sometimes people put up walls not to keep people out but to see who cares enough to tear
them down."

"Flying is simple. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss."

"Smirk, it makes people wonder what you’re up to, while scaring the crap out of them at the same time!"

"True friends are hard to find, difficult to leave, and impossible to forget."

"Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried to slam a revolving door."

"A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing."

"When I was younger, my parents encouraged me to walk and talk. Now, all they want me to do is sit down and shut up!"

"They say guns don't kill people, people kill people, but honestly I think guns have something to do with it because if someone just stood there and said "bang," I don't think many people would be dead..."

You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it."

"Did you just call me a bitch? Because a bitch is a dog. Dogs bark. Bark is on trees. Trees are a part of nature. And nature is beautiful. I know I'm beautiful! Thanks for the complement."

"Please Note: CHRISTMAS IS CANCELLED!! Apparently you told Santa that you have been good this year...he died laughing."

"'It's always in the last place you look' Well DUH! Because you stop looking after you find it! HELLO!"

"You don't have to be faster than the bear, you just have to be faster than the slowest guy running from the bear."

"I am nobody. Nobody is perfect. Therefore, I am perfect!"

"Heaven doesnt wan't me and Hell is afraid I'll take over."

"When you’re down I may not be able to pick you back up, but I promise I’ll be willing to lay down right next to you"

"Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid."

"So many boys, so many reasons to stay alone"

"I didn't mean to hurt your feelings...I was aiming for your face"

"Tired of living and scared of dying"

"Scared to remember, terrified to forget"

"Education is important, school however, is another matter."

"Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them more"

"Don’t mess with me I've got a stick."

"I used to be normal, until I met the freaks that I call my friends."

"Evening News is where they begin with "Good Evening" then proceed to tell you why it isn't"

"I can only please on person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow's not looking good, either."

"Don't follow in my footsteps, I tend to walk into walls."-

19 Ways to Maintain a Healthy Level of Insanity

1.) At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
2.) Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
3.) Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
4.) Put your garbage can on your desk and label it 'In'.
5.) Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
6.) In the memo field of all your checks, write 'For Smuggling Diamonds'.
7.) Finish all your sentences with 'In Accordance with the Prophecy'.
8.) Don't use any punctuation.
9.) As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
10.) Order a diet water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
11.) Specify that your drive-through order is 'To go'.
12.) Sing along at the Opera.
13.) Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
14.) Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day.
15.) Five days In advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
16.) Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Bottom.
17.) When the money comes out of the ATM, scream 'I won! I won!'
18.) When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling ’Run for your lives! They're loose!'
19.) Tell your children over dinner, 'Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go.'

Ways To Annoy People In An Elevator

1. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."
2. Ask, "Did you hear that cable snapping sound?"
3. Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!"
4. Hold the elevator door open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say, "Hi John, how's your day been?"
5. Hum the theme to Jeopardy.
6. Leave a box in a corner, and when someone gets on, ask if they hear something ticking.
7. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
8. Say while holding a paper with OUT OF ORDER written on it, "I wonder why this was glued on the door when I came in."
9. Scribble furiously on a notepad while looking at each passenger. When they try to look, hide the pad.
10. Stare at another passenger for a while, then scream, "You're one of THEM!" And cower in the far corner of the elevator.
11. When the elevator doors close, bang on them, screaming, "Let me out!"
12. When there's only one other person on the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and pretend it wasn't you.
13. When the elevator doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay! Don't panic, they'll open again!"

THESE ARE ON SHIRTS!!1 I JUST COPIED THEM BECAUSE THEY ARE FUNNY!!

"Rule of math: If if seems easy, you're doing it wrong."

"Stick around, i may need someone to blame."

"Numbers that aren't divisible by 2 are odd to me."

"MATH. mental abuse for humans"

"Don't make me use UPPERCASE"

"Just be happy i'm not a twin."

"I'll try to be nicer, if you try to be smarter."

"I used to be a people person, but people ruined that for me."

"I can't talk now that squirrels are watching."

"Welcome to AWESOMEVILLE, population: me."

"SCARS are like TATOOS with better stories"

"The last time i reached for the stars, i pulled a muscle."

"I'd explain it to you, but i'm out of puppets and crayons."

"The trouble with trouble it that it starts out as fun."

"The hardest part about preparing for the ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE is pretending i'm not excited."

"My wife says that i never listen, or at least i think that's what she said."

"Don't follow me, i'm lost."

"I'm all that...and then some."

"Lord grant me patience because if you give me strength i'm gonna punch somebody."

"You're opinion isn't part of the recipe."

"I may not always be right, but i'm never wrong."

"If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, WHY PRACTICE?"

"If your not barefoot, you're overdressed."

"I'ts not all about me, but mostly it is."

"You can't make everyone happy, SO CONCENTRATE ON ME."

"What i lack in sleep, i make up for in blank stares.'

"If you can't beat them, it's obviously time for a bigger bat."

"Practice random acts of awesomeness."

"When God created me, he was just showing off."

"Question authority, but do not question Bob."

"Bob, the man, the myth, the legend."

"HERE I AM, now what are you other two wishes."

"Everyone is born right handed. Only the gifted overcome it." apparently i'm not gifted.

"Careful, or you'll end up in my novel.'

"If i can't fix it, it must not be broken."

"I'm so over the hill, I've started up the next one."

"I know just enough to be dangerous.'

"Life is about balance, just enough caffeine, just enough sugar."

"If you are agitated and confused my work here is done."

"If it weren't for "crazy", i'd never go anywhere."

"Earth is the insane asylum of the universe."

"It takes a lot on energy to simulate normality.'

"It's not that i lack empathy...ok maybe it is."

"I like cats, i just can't eat a whole one myself."

"Sarcasm. Just one more service i offer."

"I tried to get over myself, but i'm just TOO AWESOME!"

"Easily distracted by shiny objects."

"If you'd met my family you'd understand."

"No one ever suspects the short ones."

"Dangerously under-medicated."

"I should got paid for being a national treasure."

"You're in luck i can communicate with lower life forms."

"think outside the Quadrilateral Parallelogram."

"Be nice to me, i may be your nurse one day."

"I've had my coffee, you may speak."

"I'm perfect, you adjust."

"It was me. I let the dogs out."

"A woman's success depends on the type of shoes she wears -Dorethy.'

"Nerd? I prefer the term, intellectual badass."

"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself... and spiders."

"Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult."

"If i can't build it, fix it, or mow it, it must not be important."

"Dear Algebra, stop telling me to find your X, she's never coming back."

"ALCOHOL. Because no good story starts with "So, this one time i was eating a salad..." not recommended

"Yes, i know they pick on you and call you names but you still have to go. YOU'RE THE TEACHER!!"

"I'm just here to establish an alibi."

"I'm awake and dressed, what more do you want from me?"

"What part of MEOW don't you understand?"

"If you could read my mind, you wouldn't be smiling."

"If zombies eat brains, you're probably safe."

"You can't spell awesome without ME."

"I"m not always sarcastic, sometimes i'm sleeping."

"There are three kind of people in this world, those who are good in math and those who are not."

"Dear Karma, i have a list of people that you've missed."

"Shut the FRONT DOOR!!"

"It's ok to disagree with me, i can't force you to be right."

"You're never too old for nap time."

"I came, i saw, i made a sarcastic remark."

"Scientists say that the universe is made up of protons, electron and neutrons...they forgot morons."

"Being on time for me means WHEN I GET THERE!!"

"Home school BY ALIENS!!"

" My parents believed discipline make kids into better people. (i disproved that little theory)

"SRSLY?!?!"

"I'm a bomb technician. If you see me running, TRY TO KEEP UP!!"

"Being know as the "fun one" of the group is a good thing (unless you're in prison)"

"Contrary to popular belief, no one owes you anything."

"I'm not speeding i'm qualifying"

"Retired and down to one boss, MY WIFE"

"Didn't make the GYM again today, that makes 5 years in a row."

"I could use an extra day between Saturday and Sunday."

"Say what you want about the SOUTH, but nobody retires and moves up NORTH."

"NO TRESPASSING. VIOLATORS WILL BE SHOT. SURVIVORS WOULD BE SHOT AGAIN."

"DO NOT TOUCH my tools OR my daughter."

"Never trust an atom, they make up everything."

"The SQUIRRELS are out to get me."

"Every problem has a solution EXCEPT YOURS."

"Keep calm and agree with me."

"Happy to accept the credit and pass the blame."

"LOL'ing on the outside, WTF'ing on the inside."

"NORMAL is boring."

"HOMEWORK, ruins lives."

"I'm right 97% of the time. Who cares about the other 4%?"

"You're wrong, I'm right, lets move on."

"I'm so far behind, i thought i was first."

"HI. I don't care. Thanks."

"I'm not bald, i'm just taller than my hair."

"What i need is more money and power, and less crap from you people."

"If you just did what you're told, i wouldn't have to be so bossy."

"Wining isn't everything, it's just what i do."

"My mom had me tested."

" Cats are in charge, ACCEPT IT."

" I'm not lazy, i'm cat-like."

"I just lived though an entire day of STUPID."

"Saying the unthinkable. It's just what i do."

"Gone to my happy place. BE BACK SOON."

"You look like i need a drink."

"I drink coffee for YOUR protection."

"I'll worry about getting old hen i stop looking so damn sexy!"

"BACON. Duct tape for the kitchen."

"I tried it at home."

"If life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic."

"Of course i'm right, i'm Bob."

"Doorbell broken. YELL "DING DONG! really loud."

Never knock on Death's door, ring the doorbell and run away, he hates that.

Heaven doesn't want me, and Hell's afraid I'll take over.

The cops never find it as funny as you do.

God created boys before girls because every true artist creates a rough draft before a masterpiece.

So many boys, so many reasons to stay alone.

Education is important, school however, is another matter.

Don't look at me in that tone!

I'm not afraid of death. What's it going to do? Kill me?

I'm so gangster, I carry a squirt gun.

Therapist = The/rapist . . . Scary thought.

Remember what you just said, because tomorrow I am going to have a witty and sarcastic comeback and you'll be devastated then!

I'm not insane and the voices in my head agree with me.

I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse

Evening News is where they begin with "Good Evening" then proceed to tell you why it isn't

When life gives you Edward Cullen, smile evilly and go to your stash of weapons.

When life gives you Edward Cullen, throw him back and demand someone cooler (like your elementary school janitor, perhaps?)

A fail so epic, it's almost a win.

I'm sarcastic, what's your superpower?

A friend is a person that knows you are a good egg, even though you are slightly cracked.

What doesn't kill me better run pretty dang fast.

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, and today is a gift--that's why we call it the present.

Have you noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anybody driving faster is a maniac?

I can insult my best friend, but heaven help you if you do.

Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit, wisdom is not putting it into a fruit salad.

If people were meant to pop out of bed, we'd all sleep in toasters.

Always forgive your enemies. Nothing annoys them more

If you don't like me, there is nothing I can do. Here's a newsflash Honey, I don't live to please you!

When someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles to frown, but it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and punch the person who made you mad.

Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that, who cares? ..He's a mile away and you've got his shoes.

I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking so good either.

I'm sorry, yesterday was the deadline for all complaints.

If at first you DO succeed, try not to look to impressed.

Anger is one letter short of danger.

One day your prince will come. Mine? Oh, he just took a wrong turn, got lost, and is to stubborn to ask directions.

BREAKING NEWS

The pity train has derailed at the intersection of Suck It Up and Move On and crashed into We All Have Problems, before coming into a complete stop at Get The Heck Over It. Any complains about how do we operate can be forwarded to 1-800-waa-waaa. This is Dr. Sniffle reporting LIVE from Quitchur fussin'.

If you like this repost it, if you don't suck it up cupcake, life doesn't revolve around YOU!

You say gold, we say budder
You crush on Stars, we crush on Youtubers
You say fist bump, we say brofist
You say Diamond ax? We say Betty
You say Pig? we say Jeffery
You say bat? we say Dillon
You learn Swedish from class? We learn from Pewds
You learn Italian from translators? We learn from Marzia
You say lava? We say Red Water
You say chainmail? we say lingerie
You say rotten flesh? we say wet noodle
You have Robin Thicke and Skrillex? I have MinecraftUniverse and CaptainSparklez
You say cartoons? We say Anime
You say getting angry? We say getting trolled
You say Hunger Games? We say HUNGER DEENZ.
You say fight me? We say Pax me bro
You say Laughing? We say Lolcats
You like Justin Bieber? I Like Skydoesminecraft
You like potato? I like Brotato
You like 1D? I like TeamCrafted
You say Video Games? We say Life

The quality of life is not determined by the number of breaths you take, but by the number of moments that take your breath away.

Attempting to give a damn . . . . . Unable to give a damn. Stopping . . . . Process failed. Damn not given.

I'm not so good at advice; may I intrest you in a sarcastic reply?

Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.

The trouble with alarm clocks is that they always go off when you're asleep.

WARNING: Do not follow in my footsteps. I tend to walk into walls and off cliffs.

Real girls aren't perfect, and perfect girls aren't real.

I've got ADD and magic markers. Oh, the fun I will have.

What hair color do they put down on the driver's licenses of a bald man?

It's funny--the people who want quiet are always the loudest getting people to shut up.

Be nice to your kids. They choose your nursing home.

It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.

Note to self: Normal is just a setting on washing machines.

My favorite word is sarcasm.

Please don't drop cigarette buds on the floor, the cockroaches are getting cancer.

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

If you want to look young and thin, hang around with old fat people.

If Wal-mart is lowering their prices everyday, how come the store isn't free yet?

Sarcasm doesn't work on a sarcastic person.

There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.

I'm the kind of girl who will burst our laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened yesterday.

Don't think of yourself as an ugly person. Think of yourself as a beautiful monkey.

What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.'

A stranger stabs you in the front; a friend stabs you in the back; a boyfriend stabs you in the heart, but best friends only poke each other with straws.

"We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the police do."

Screw fire and save matches!!

Hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia - Fear of long words.

My best friends are the kind that if my house were on fire, they'd be roasting marshmellows and flirting with the firemen.

I ran with scissors, and lived!

I'm not prejudiced. I hate everyone equally.

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.

Borrow money from pessimists- they don't expect to get it back!

There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & and those that cant.

Flying is simple. Just throw yourself at the ground and miss.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away. . . if well-aimed.

One way to find out if something works: push all the buttons.

Don't steal. The government hates the competition.

If at first you don't succeed, change the rules.

Tell the truth and run.

Smile; it makes people wonder what you're up to.

Friends come and go while enemies never do; they just multiply.

Power corrupts. Absolute power is kinda neat.

All things considered, insanity may be the only reasonable alternative.

If we knew what we were doing, it wouldn't be research.

Life is like a box of chocolates - it's full of nuts.

You can never underestimate the stupidity of the general public.

We are the people our parents warned us about.

Freedom is the right to be wrong, not the right to do wrong.

The difficulty is not so great as to die for a friend, as to find a friend worth dying for.

If you try to fail and succeed, what have you done?

Enjoy every minute of life. There's plenty of time to be dead.

And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count, it's the life in your years.

We don't live in the world of reality, we live in the world of how we perceive reality.

If God had intended Man to smoke, he would have set him on fire.

A single death is a tragedy. A million deaths is a statistic.

Have the courage to live. Anyone can die.

Education is important. School, however, is another matter.

Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to change it every 2 months.

Cynics are made, not born.

What do we want? PROCRASTINATION! When do we want it? . . . . Next week.

Maybe this world is another planet's hell.

I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

Don’t take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.

You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling?

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

What do you mean, my birth certificate expired?

My mind works like lightning . . . . one brilliant flash and it's gone.

The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not.

Don't underestimate the power of funny. It moves mountains.

Never say that! Never! Run before you walk! Fly before you crawl! Keep moving forward! Because if we fail, I'd rather fail really hugely. All or nothing!

Always forgive your enemies- nothing annoys them more.

If Barbie's so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

Growing old is mandatory . . . growing UP is optional . . .

When I'm stressed, I laugh. When I'm happy, I laugh. When I'm nervous, I laugh. If I find something funny, I can't stop laughing.

If you find any poisonous plants in your tea, just to let you know, it wasn't me.

Don't pop my bubbles. I'll get depressed.

Anatidaephobia: the fear that somehow, somewhere, a duck is watching you.

Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

If ya can't beat 'em, join 'em. If ya can't join 'em, bribe 'em. If ya can't bribe 'em, blackmail 'em. If ya can't blackmail 'em, kill 'em. If ya can't kill 'em, you're screwed.

You cry, I cry. You laugh, I laugh. You jump off a cliff, I laugh even harder

People that don't know me think I'm quiet. People that do wish I was.

If your heart was really broken . . . you'd be dead so shut up.

Strangers think I'm quiet. My friends think I'm outgoing. My best Friends know I'm absolutely insane!

People say "Guns don't kill people, People kill people!" Well, I think guns help. If you stood there and yelled "Bang", I don't think you'd kill too many people.

He who laughs last didn't get it.

If Tylenol, Duct Tape, & a Band Aid can't fix it, you have a serious problem.

Emmett's the strongest, Edward's the fastest, but Jasper can sit alone in a corner and still make people jealous.

They laugh because we're losers . . . . We laugh because they just figured it out.

The person who smiles when things go wrong has found someone to blame it on.

The voices may not be real, but they have some pretty good ideas.

Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.

A wise man once said, "Ask a girl."

Fighting is mind over matter. I don't mind, and you don't matter.

Why be difficult, when, with just a little bit of effort, you can be impossible?

If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk.

Hate is just a special kind of love we give to people who suck.

Keep smiling; it makes people wonder what you're up to.

You have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be misquoted and used against you.

Chaos, panic, pandemonium. My work here is done.

If you don't like me, there is nothing I can do. Newsflash, Honey, I don't live to please you.

Don't knock on death's door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that.

I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

You laugh because I'm different. I laugh because you're all the same.

Being mature is overrated.

Being weird is like being normal, only better.

I'm not clumsy, the floor just hates me.

Boys are like lava lamps: fun to watch but not too bright.

It takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 to smile, and only 4 to reach out and slap someone.

I believe you should live each day as if it were your last, which is why I don't do my laundry. I mean, come on, who would wanna wash clothes on the last day of their life?

Silence is golden . . . duct tape is silver.

When life gives you lemons . . . make grape juice, and watch the world wonder how you did it.

Be insane- well behaved people never made history.

My knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil.

To the world you are just one person, but to one person, you're the world.

Your weirdness is creeping my imaginary friend out.

One day your prince will come. Mine? Oh, he took a wrong turn, got lost, and was too stubborn to ask for directions.

It's always in the last place you look . . . of course it is, why would I keep looking for it?

Happiness is just around the corner! . . . Too bad the world is round . . .

I'm not random . . . I just have many thou- OH, A SQUIRREL!!

I can only please one person a day. Today's not your day, and tomorrow's not looking good either.

Rock beats paper. Always. But since we live in a world where Paper may beat rock, use Cannonball; it makes a big hole in paper.

The dinosaur's extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide.

Labels are for cans, and in case you haven't noticed, I'm not a can!

Excuse me. Have you seen my sanity? I think I've lost it . . .

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us how to walk and talk, then the rest of our lives telling us to sit down and shut up.

Some say the glass is half full, others the glass is half empty, all I want to know is who's drinking my water!

He Said: I don't know why you wear a bra, you have nothing to put in it. She Said: You wear pants don't you?

"Sir, we're surrounded!" "Excellent, we can attack in any direction!"

I meant to behave but there were to many other options.

With great power comes a great electricity bill.

Stop waiting for prince charming. Get up and find him. The poor idiot might be stuck up a tree or something.

M.A.T.H. Mental Abuse To Humans

All my life I thought air was free... until I bought a bag of chips.

You don't know what you have until it's gone. For example, toilet paper.

Raisin cookies that look like chocolate chip cookies are the main reason I have trust issues.

Hardest job ever: working in a bubble wrap factory. Imagine the self control needed.

I heard you're a player. Nice to meet you, I'm the coach.

I just figured out nothing is wrong with me! It's the world that has issues!

If you are stupid enough to walk away, then I am smart enough to let you go.

Teacher: Why are you talking during my lesson? Student: Why are you teaching during my conversation?

I'm the kind of person who laughs at a joke 3 times: once when it's told, a second time when someone explains to to me and a third time when I actually get it.

Think, while it's still legal.

Be careful with your words and actions, for once they are done they can only be forgiven and not forgotten.