![]() Yo Wassuppp!!!!!!!!! people Name: not gonna tell you lot that. Sex: Male. Age: something FAV: Anime/manga: Naruto, Bleach, F.M.A, Sekirei, Digimon, Ranma 1/2, One Piece, Fairy tail, Negima!? Neo, Negima! Magister Negi Magi, Soul Eater, Pokemon, Hell-sing, High School of the dead, RosarioVampire, Hetaila, Cat plant cuties, girls und Panzer, HighSchool DxD, Needless, RBWY, . FAV: TV series/ Films : The walking dead, Q.I, Black Adder, Transformers (G1, RIB, A, Energon, Cycbertron, Prime) ,W.W.E/ W.W.F, T.N.A., I.P.W., Seven Days,Ed, Edd and Eddy,Never Mind the Buzzcocks, Would I lie to you?, All Monty Python Flims, Tom & Jerry, The Looney Tunes, FAV: Books/ Author: Disc world/ Terry Pratchett, Harry potter, Warhammer 40,000, Percy Jackson, . FAV: Games: Elder scrolls series, Assassin's Creed Series, Final fantasy Series, Kingdom of hearts, Prototype, Halo, Mass Effect, Devil May Cry, Left 4 Dead, Fallout, Command & Conquer series, Far Cry series, Man Hunt, Borderlands, Pokemon, Mortal Kombat, Duke Nukem, C.O.D, M.O.H, B.F, Army of two, Saints Row, Grand theft Auto, . FAV: Artist/ Bands: Metallica, Iron Madden, Disturbed, Device, Def Leppard, Steel Panther, Three Days Grace, Skillet, Sixxx Am, Weird Al, Men At work, Guns'n'Roses,Blake Shelton, Blue Oyster Cult, AC/DC, Aerosmith, Alice Cooper, Bon Jovi, Phil Collins, Pink Floyd, Santana, Egypt Central, Che-Fu, Finger Elvin, Drowning Pool, The Eagles, Dragon Force, The Foo Fighters, Europe, Fall Out Boy, George Thorogood & The Destroyers, Kiss, Korn, Cold Chisel, Neil Young, Maroon-5, . FAV: Comedians: Bill Baily, Alan Davies, Heath Franklin, Dai Henwood, Ben Hurley, Steve Wrigley, Rhys Darby, Jeremy Corbett, Paul Ego, Wil Anderson, Jesse Griffin, Jesse Mulligan, Stephen Fry, Jo Brand, Phill Jupitus, Sean Lock, Rich Hall, Jimmy Carr, Dara Ó Briain, Clive Anderson, Danny Baker, Sandi Toksvig, Hugh Laurie, Rowan Atkinson, Andy Hamilton, Al Murray,Ben Bailey, Please Note that some of these shows and People are from The U.K., New Zealand or Ozzy. FAV: Quotes: Many give advice, few profit from it,-Pubililus Syrus, “The anthropologists got it wrong when they named our species Homo sapiens ('wise man'). In any case it's an arrogant and bigheaded thing to say, wisdom being one of our least evident features. In reality, we are Pan narrans, the storytelling chimpanzee.” ― Terry Pratchett, The Science of Discworld II: The Globe There are only two things in the universe that are infinite, Human stupidity and the Universe, and i'm not too sure about the Universe. -Albert Einstein, Give a man fire and he will be warm for a day, light a man on fire and he will be warm the rest of his life- Terry Pratchett, War isn't about Dying for your country, It's about making the foe die for his, The Charge of the Light Brigade By Alfred, Lord Tennyson Memorializing Events in the Battle of Balaclava, October 25, 1854 Written 1854 Half a league half a league, Half a league onward, All in the valley of Death Rode the six hundred: 'Forward, the Light Brigade! Charge for the guns' he said: Into the valley of Death Rode the six hundred. 'Forward, the Light Brigade!' Was there a man dismay'd ? Not tho' the soldier knew Some one had blunder'd: Theirs not to make reply, Theirs not to reason why, Theirs but to do & die, Into the valley of Death Rode the six hundred. Cannon to right of them, Cannon to left of them, Cannon in front of them Volley'd & thunder'd; Storm'd at with shot and shell, Boldly they rode and well, Into the jaws of Death, Into the mouth of Hell Rode the six hundred. Flash'd all their sabres bare, Flash'd as they turn'd in air Sabring the gunners there, Charging an army while All the world wonder'd: Plunged in the battery-smoke Right thro' the line they broke; Cossack & Russian Reel'd from the sabre-stroke, Shatter'd & sunder'd. Then they rode back, but not Not the six hundred. Cannon to right of them, Cannon to left of them, Cannon behind them Volley'd and thunder'd; Storm'd at with shot and shell, While horse & hero fell, They that had fought so well Came thro' the jaws of Death, Back from the mouth of Hell, All that was left of them, Left of six hundred. When can their glory fade? O the wild charge they made! All the world wonder'd. Honour the charge they made! Honour the Light Brigade, Noble six hundred! Obituary of Common Sense ! Today, we mourn the passing of an old friend by the name of Common Sense. Common Sense lived a long life, but died from heart failure at the brink of the Millennium. No one really knows how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He selflessly devoted his life to service in schools; hospitals, homes, factories and offices, helping folks get jobs done without fanfare and foolishness. For decades, petty rules, silly laws and frivolous lawsuits held no power over Common Sense. He was credited with cultivating such valued lessons as to know when to come in from rain, the early bird gets the worm and life isn't always fair. Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you earn), reliable parenting strategies (the adults are in charge, not the kids), and it's okay to come in second. A veteran of the Industrial Revolution, the Great Depression, and the Technological Revolution, Common Sense survived cultural and educational trends including feminism, body piercing, whole language and new math. But his health declined when he became infected with the "if-it-only-helps-one-person-it's-worth-it" virus. In recent decades, his waning strength proved no match for the ravages of overbearing federal legislation. He watched in pain as good people became ruled by self-seeking lawyers and enlightened auditors. His health rapidly deteriorated when schools endlessly implemented zero tolerance policies; when reports were heard of six year old boys charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; when a teen was suspended for taking a swig of mouthwash after lunch; when a teacher was fired for reprimanding an unruly student. It declined even further when schools had to get parental consent to administer aspirin to a student but couldn't inform the parent when a female student is pregnant or wants an abortion. Finally, Common Sense lost his will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband, churches became businesses, criminals received better treatment than victims, and federal judges stuck their noses in everything from Boy Scouts to professional sports. As the end neared, Common Sense drifted in and out of logic but was kept informed of developments, regarding questionable regulations for asbestos, low-flow toilets, smart guns, the nurturing of Prohibition Laws and mandatory air bags. Finally, when told that the homeowners association restricted exterior furniture only to that which enhanced property values, he breathed his last. Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son Reason. His three stepbrothers survive him: Rights, Tolerance and Whiner. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?" The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away... Murphy's laws of combat Friendly fire - isn't. Recoilless rifles - aren't. Suppressive fires - won't. You are not Superman; Marines and fighter pilots take note. A sucking chest wound is Nature's way of telling you to slow down. If it's stupid but it works, it isn't stupid. Try to look unimportant; the enemy may be low on ammo and not want to waste a bullet on you. If at first you don't succeed, call in an air strike. If you are forward of your position, your artillery will fall short. Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than yourself. Never go to bed with anyone crazier than yourself. Never forget that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder. If your attack is going really well, it's an ambush. The enemy diversion you're ignoring is their main attack. The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions:when they're ready. when you're not. No OPLAN ever survives initial contact. There is no such thing as a perfect plan. Five second fuses always burn three seconds. There is no such thing as an atheist in a foxhole. A retreating enemy is probably just falling back and regrouping. The Ol' Ranger's addendum: Or else they're trying to suck you into a serious ambush! The important things are always simple; the simple are always hard. The easy way is always mined. Teamwork is essential; it gives the enemy other people to shoot at. Don't look conspicuous; it draws fire. For this reason, it is not at all uncommon for aircraft carriers to be known as bomb magnets. Never draw fire; it irritates everyone around you. If you are short of everything but the enemy, you are in the combat zone. When you have secured the area, make sure the enemy knows it too. Incoming fire has the right of way. No combat ready unit has ever passed inspection. No inspection ready unit has ever passed combat. If the enemy is within range, so are you. The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire. Things which must be shipped together as a set, aren't. Things that must work together, can't be carried to the field that way. Radios will fail as soon as you need fire support. Radar tends to fail at night and in bad weather, and especially during both.) Anything you do can get you killed, including nothing. Make it too tough for the enemy to get in, and you won't be able to get out. Tracers work both ways. If you take more than your fair share of objectives, you will get more than your fair share of objectives to take. When both sides are convinced they're about to lose, they're both right. Professional soldiers are predictable; the world is full of dangerous amateurs. Military Intelligence is a contradiction. Fortify your front; you'll get your rear shot up. Weather ain't neutral. If you can't remember, the Claymore is pointed toward you. Air defense motto: shoot 'em down; sort 'em out on the ground. 'Flies high, it dies; low and slow, it'll go. The Cavalry doesn't always come to the rescue. Napalm is an area support weapon. Mines are equal opportunity weapons. B-52s are the ultimate close support weapon. Sniper's motto: reach out and touch someone. Killing for peace is like screwing for virginity. The one item you need is always in short supply. Interchangeable parts aren't. It's not the one with your name on it; it's the one addressed "to whom it may concern" you've got to think about. When in doubt, empty your magazine. The side with the simplest uniforms wins. Combat will occur on the ground between two adjoining maps. If the Platoon Sergeant can see you, so can the enemy. Never stand when you can sit, never sit when you can lie down, never stay awake when you can sleep. The most dangerous thing in the world is a Second Lieutenant with a map and a compass. Exceptions prove the rule, and destroy the battle plan. Everything always works in your HQ, everything always fails in the Colonel's HQ. The enemy never watches until you make a mistake. One enemy soldier is never enough, but two is entirely too many. A clean (and dry) set of BDU's is a magnet for mud and rain. The worse the weather, the more you are required to be out in it. Whenever you have plenty of ammo, you never miss. Whenever you are low on ammo, you can't hit the broad side of a barn. The more a weapon costs, the farther you will have to send it away to be repaired. The complexity of a weapon is inversely proportional to the IQ of the weapon's operator. Field experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. No matter which way you have to march, its always uphill. If enough data is collected, a board of inquiry can prove anything. For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism. (in boot camp) Air strikes always overshoot the target, artillery always falls short. When reviewing the radio frequencies that you just wrote down, the most important ones are always illegible. Those who hesitate under fire usually do not end up KIA or WIA. The tough part about being an officer is that the troops don't know what they want, but they know for certain what they don't want. To steal information from a person is called plagiarism. To steal information from the enemy is called gathering intelligence. The weapon that usually jams when you need it the most is the M60. The perfect officer for the job will transfer in the day after that billet is filled by someone else. When you have sufficient supplies & ammo, the enemy takes 2 weeks to attack. When you are low on supplies & ammo the enemy decides to attack that night. The newest and least experienced soldier will usually win the Medal of Honor. A Purple Heart just proves that were you smart enough to think of a plan, stupid enough to try it, and lucky enough to survive. Murphy was a grunt. Beer Math: 2 beers times 37 men equals 49 cases. Body count Math: 3 guerrillas plus 1 probable plus 2 pigs equals 37 enemies killed in action. The bursting radius of a hand grenade is always one foot greater than your jumping range. All-weather close air support doesn't work in bad weather. The combat worth of a unit is inversely proportional to the smartness of its outfit and appearance. The crucial round is a dud. Every command which can be misunderstood, will be. There is no such place as a convenient foxhole. Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last and don't ever volunteer to do anything. If your positions are firmly set and you are prepared to take the enemy assault on, he will bypass you. If your ambush is properly set, the enemy won't walk into it. If your flank march is going well, the enemy expects you to outflank him. Density of fire increases proportionally to the curiousness of the target. Odd objects attract fire - never lurk behind one. The more stupid the leader is, the more important missions he is ordered to carry out. The self-importance of a superior is inversely proportional to his position in the hierarchy (as is his deviousness and mischievousness). There is always a way, and it usually doesn't work. Success occurs when no one is looking, failure occurs when the General is watching. The enemy never monitors your radio frequency until you broadcast on an unsecured channel. Whenever you drop your equipment in a fire-fight, your ammo and grenades always fall the farthest away, and your canteen always lands at your feet. As soon as you are served hot chow in the field, it rains. Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do. The seriousness of a wound (in a fire-fight) is inversely proportional to the distance to any form of cover. Walking point = sniper bait. Your bivouac for the night is the spot where you got tired of marching that day. If only one solution can be found for a field problem, then it is usually a stupid solution. No battle plan ever survives contact with the enemy. The most dangerous thing in the combat zone is an officer with a map. The problem with taking the easy way out is that the enemy has already mined it. The buddy system is essential to your survival; it gives the enemy somebody else to shoot at. If your advance is going well, you are walking into an ambush. The quartermaster has only two sizes, too large and too small. If you really need an officer in a hurry, take a nap. The only time suppressive fire works is when it is used on abandoned positions. There is nothing more satisfying that having someone take a shot at you, and miss. Don't be conspicuous. In the combat zone, it draws fire. Out of the combat zone, it draws sergeants. If see you, so can the enemy. All or any of the above combined. Avoid loud noises, there are few silent killers in a combat zone. Never screw over a buddy; you'll never know when he could save your life. Never expect any rations; the only rations that will be on time and won't be short is the ration ofshit. Respect all religions in a combat zone, take no chances on where you may go if killed. A half filled canteens a beacon for a full loaded enemy weapon. When in a fire fight, kill as many as you can, the one you miss may not miss tomorrow. The last six laws were sent by Hank Samples. A Viet Nam combat veteran (70-72) 11th ACR-101st Abn. It is a physical impossibility to carry too much ammo. Sent by - Baseka@aol.com If you survive an ambush, something's wrong. Sent by - CPL Nagel Some General last words (as his aides tried to get him to get his head down): "What! what! men, dodging this way for single bullets! What will you do when they open fire along the whole line? I am ashamed of you. They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist..." Sent by Yael Dragwyla The General was General John Sedgwick, said on May 9, 1864 at the Battle of Spotsylvania. Sent by Mike Gottert If you can see the flashes from the enemies' guns in battle, he can see yours too. Flashlights, lighters and matches don't just illuminate the surrounding area; they illuminate you too. Just because you have nearly impenetrable body armor and a hard-ass Kevlar helmet, doesn't mean you don't have exposed areas. There are few times when the enemy can't hear you: When he's dead, you're dead, or both. Addendum: When he's not there, when you're not there, or both. Never cover a dead body with your own in hopes of looking like you're one of the casualties. Even using his cadaver is a stretch to avoid being shot "just in case." You're only better than your enemy if you kill him first. The last seven laws were sent by Charlie. Complain about the rations all you want, but just remember; they could very well be your last meal. Never underestimate the ability of the brass to foul things up. You have two mortal enemies in combat; the opposing side and your own rear services. You think the enemy has better artillery support and the enemy thinks yours is better; you're both right. Three things you will never see in combat; hot chow, hot showers, and an uninterrupted night's sleep. "Live" and "Hero" are mutually exclusive terms. The last six laws were sent by Donald J. Cheek, CPT, US Army (Ret) - Gulf War vet. Don't be a hero Sent by Bo Zhang Once you are in the fight it is way too late to wonder if this is a good idea. NEVER get into a fight without more ammunition that the other guy. Cover your Buddy, so he can be around to cover for you. Decisions made by someone over your head will seldom be in your best interest. Sometimes, being good and lucky still is not enough. If the rear echelon troops are really happy, the front line troops probably do not have what they need. If you are wearing body armor they will probably miss that part. Happiness is a belt fed weapon. Having all your body parts intact and functioning at the end of the day beats the alternative... If you are allergic to lead it is best to avoid a war zone. Hot garrison chow is better than hot C-rations which, in turn, are better than cold C-rations, which are better than no food at all. All of these, however, are preferable to cold rice balls even if they do have little pieces of fish in them. A free fire zone has nothing to do with economics. Medals are OK, but having your body and all your friends in one piece at the end of the day is better. Being shot hurts. Thousands of Veterans earned medals for bravery every day. A few were even awarded. There is only one rule in war: When you win, you get to make up the rules. C-4 can make a dull day fun. There is no such thing as a fair fight -- only ones where you win or lose. If you win the battle you are entitled to the spoils. If you lose you don't care. Nobody cares what you did yesterday or what you are going to do tomorrow. What is important is what you are doing -- NOW -- to solve our problem. Always make sure someone has a can opener. Prayer may not help . . . but it can't hurt. Flying is better than walking. Walking is better than running. Running is better than crawling. All of these, however, are better than extraction by a Med-Evac even if it is, technically, a form of flying. If everyone does not come home none of the rest of us can ever fully come home either. Carrying any weapon that you weren't issued (e.g, an AK) in combat is Not A Good Idea! A combat vet will know the sound of an unfamiliar weapon in an instant and will point and shoot. Not only that, AKs use green tracers which mean "shoot 'em all and let God sort them out". As has been noted, "Friendly fire isn't!" The last 25 laws were sent by Jim When the going gets tough, the tough go cyclic. Sent by SPC Chris Military Intelligence is not a contradiction in terms, "Light Infantry" is! Sent by CPT Sean M. Murphy, FA, USA Proximity factor: The need for relief is directly related to the distance of the relief station. Sent by Joe Garcia Always keep one bullet in the chamber when changing your magazine. Sent by J.E.S. In peacetime people say, "War is Hell". In combat, under fire from artillery, airplanes, or whatever, a soldier thinks, "War is really really really LOUD as Hell!!!". f you can think clearly, know exactly what's happening, and have total control of a situation in combat, then you're not in combat. When you get the coveted 1,000 yard stare, don't forget about the enemy who is 30 yards away and about to pop your ass. Stay away from officers in combat, they're clever decoys for noncoms. If you think you don't need something for your combat load for an OP PLAN, you'll probably wish you had it after the shit hits the fan in combat. Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst. The last six laws were sent by Michael Desai Failure of plan A will directly affect your ability to carry out plan B. Sent by Lenny Quites If you drop a soldier in the middle of a desert with a rock, a hammer, and an anvil, tell him not to touch any of it, and come back two hours later, the anvil will be broken. "Because soldiers gotta fuck with shit". (quoted from an Officer during an interview in which the Officer was asked why barrels were thickened on the M-16A2). Sent by Darrell A. Pierce War does not determine who is right, war determines who is left. Sent by Quenya. Aus. (didn't know there were Elves in Australia, didn't know that elves were interested in war). Lackland's Laws:
Sent by Asier Zabarte If you think you'll die, don't worry you won't. Near death, but still a live? There is nothing wrong with physics. God doesn't like you. It is better to be lucky than good in the battlefield. Sent by Rob If it's worth fighting for...it's worth fighting dirty for. Sent by former Lt. C. Harper (Vietnam '65) if god wanted boots to be comfortable he would have designed them like running shoes. Sent by Pv1 Goetze If you survive the extraordinary things, it will often be the little things that will kill you. Give an order, then change the order, will get you disorder. Sent by Samuel You never have fire support in heavy firefight but you always have it on a silent recon mission Sent by Roswell Revision to Marine Corp. Motto "If it makes sense, we won't do it". Sent by Larry Wotring The only thing more dangerous to you than the enemy, is your allies Sent by Marc Underwood Night vision - isn't Sent by truga When you need CAS, they'll be on last weeks radio fill and you won't be able to reach them When you need Apache's, they'll be busy escorting the generals bird around Last two laws were sent by Warpig, saying they are "A couple of additions to the law I picked up in Afghanistan". Supply & Demand law Whatever you have, you won't need; whatever you need, you won't have. Leadership law If it was risky, it worked and no one got hurt: you were brilliant If it was risky, it worked and someone got hurt; you were courageous If it was risky, it didn't work and no one got hurt; you were lucky If it was risky, it didn't work and someone got hurt; you were stupid (and probably dead) Last two laws were sent by Sylvia Steward The best sniper position is always the hardest to reach Snakes aren't neutral When you need to use the bathroom - the enemy is watching your position Last three laws were sent by Mitchell Jones, Law Enforcement Precision Marksman, Arkansas Never trust a private that says "don't worry I learned this is in basic". When your warrant starts to laugh and says "watch this" LEAVE. Bring extra rations when you hear the lieutenant is leading the recce patrol. Everything you packed for the field is everything you don't need, and everything you need is at your FOB. Be prepared to go defensive when your vehicle breaks down until support arrives. Your vehicle is a civilian car painted tan, with less security features. Last 7 laws were sent by Dane Prosper Laws of War for Helicopters Helicopter tail rotors are naturally drawn toward trees, stumps, rocks, etc.While it may be possible to ward off this event some of the time, it cannot, despite the best efforts of the crew, always be prevented. It's just what they do. The engine RPM and the rotor RPM must BOTH be kept in the GREEN. Failure to heed this commandment can adversely affect the morale of the crew. The terms Protective Armor and Helicopter are mutually exclusive. "Chicken Plates" are not something you order in a restaurant. The BSR (Bang Stare Red) Law: The louder the sudden bang in the helicopter, the quicker your eyes will be drawn to the gauges. Corollary: The longer you stare at the gauges the less time it takes them to move from green to red. Loud, sudden noises in a helicopter WILL get your undivided attention. The further you fly into the mountains, the louder the strange engine noises become. It is a bad thing to run out of airspeed, altitude and ideas all at the same time. "Pucker Factor" is the formal name of the equation that states the more hairy the situation is, the more of the seat cushion will be sucked up your butt. It can be expressed in its mathematical formula of: S (suction) H (height above ground) I (interest in staying alive) T (# of tracers coming your way). Thus the term 'SHIT!' can also be used to denote a situation where a high Pucker Factor is being encountered. Running out of pedal, fore or aft cyclic, or collective are all bad ideas. Any combination of these can be deadly. All the Laws of War for Helicopters were sent by Jim Kirk with courtesy of CWO4 Larry Gilbert (Ret). his brother-in-law that sent them to him Helicopters have been described as nothing more than 50,000 parts flying in close formation. It is the mechanics responsibility to keep that formation as tight as possible. It is mathematically impossible for either hummingbirds, or helicopters to fly. Fortunately, neither are aware of this. The last two laws were sent by Darrell A. Pierce LZ's are always hot. Sent by loony39478@yahoo.com There are 'old' pilots and 'bold' pilots, but there are no 'old, bold' pilots. Any helicopter pilot story that starts "There I was,..." will be either true or false. Any of these stories that end with "No shit." was neither true nor false. The mark of a truly superior pilot is the use of his superior judgment to avoid situations requiring the use of his superior skill The last three laws were sent by Brad Lucas, CPT, AV USA Ret, and a 1st Gulf War Vet. Ch-53's are living proof, that if you strap enough engines to something it will fly. Sent by Jason Koeck Laws of War for Tanks The same gun tube that would probably stay in alignment after lifting a car, will get you beaten after calibration if used to assist in climbing on the tank. Tanks draw fire. A lot of it. It does not behoove the infantryman to hide behind one. If you're close enough to actually hear an M1 series tank running, while in combat, and not part of the crew, you're too close.Laws of war for tanks were sent by Darrell A. Pierce Laws of the Marine Corp It never rains in the Marine Corp, it rains on the Marine Corp.Sent by Jesse Cason Law of Fighting Airplanes The enemy is always has the advantage. Heat-seeking missiles don't know the difference between friend and foe. 'Armor' is a fantasy invented by your C.O. to make you feel better. Afterburners aren't. Air Brakes don't. Your cannon will jam in combat, and then when you get back to base there will be nothing wrong with it. You may have the better plane, but the enemy is the better pilot. (or vise versa) When getting spare parts for your aircraft, you can get them CHEAP - FAST - IN GOOD CONDITION,pick two. (This applies to everything) Your radar will not pick up the enemy behind you or the one in the sun. If you have got into the sun and are about to ambush the enemy, it will either be a trap or you'll run out of fuel. Law of Fighting Airplanes were sent by Luke Saddam's First (and last) Law of War: Don't pick a fight with the baddest guys on the block!Sent by Jim Kirk Laws of Desert Combat: Any attempt to find cover will result in failure. Supply Shipments at night stick out like a sore thumb. Tanks should never leave the established roads Established roads are always mined Operations in daytime will cause the lesser equipped army to win The effectiveness of a soldier in desert combat is inversely porportional to how heavy his equipment is Have plenty of water on handThe last 7 laws were sent by Fenix Laws of War in Iraq: If it makes sense, it is not the "Army Way" Saddam's First (and last) Law of War:Don't pick a fight with the baddest guys on the block. If you do, don't even try to run or hide. The pain will be worse. The Iraqis always know the area better than you, no matter how many dismounts or convoys you have been on. Iraqis always have the advantage of blending in with the crowd. You do not. Iraqis are used to the heat and will rarely, if ever, be out during the hottest part of the day. Drink more water than you think that you will need. Drink more water than you think that you will need. Always keep your radio fill up to date. Don't piss off the IP's that run the check points, they sometimes allow insurgents to place IED's near their location just to fuck with you. Be nice to the Iraqi children, they will soon be either IP's, IA's, or insurgents! Always remember: Shoot first and then swear up and down that you saw them pull out a grenade. This always works!!! IED's will be placed frequently in the same spots over and over again. Always shoot the guy walking down the MSR in the middle of the night carrying a gas can and a shovel. If they can't place the IED's, they can't blow you up! Last 13 laws were sent by Thomas Anderson, M SPC MIL USA USAREUR Military restatement of Uffelman's Razor: Never attribute to an Officer that which is adequately explained by a Private. From SFC Raines Anderson's first Law: If at first you don't succeed, blame it on the new private! If at first you don't succeed, redefine success. From SPC Coffee Law of Murphic Relief: If, throughout your entire life you have been ruled by Murphy's Law, then at least one thing, usually no more than that, will go so right as to make up for a lifetime of failures. From My Wife Rita!! Happily married now for 5 years!! Murphy's Law is proof that God is in Heaven laughing his butt off!! From SGT Overson Things I learn from my mother: 1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE 2. My mother taught me RELIGION 3. My mother taught me TIME TRAVEL 4. My mother taught me LOGIC 5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC 6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT 7. My mother taught me IRONY 8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS 9. My mother taught me CONTORTIONISM 10. My mother taught me about STAMINA 11. My mother taught me WEATHER 12. My mother taught me HYPOCRISY 13. My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE 14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION 15. My mother taught me: ENVY 16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION 17. My mother taught me: RECEIVING 18. My mother taught me: MEDICAL SCIENCE 19. My mother taught me: ESP 20. My mother taught me: HUMOR 21. My mother taught me: HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT 22.My Mother taught me: Genetics 23. My Mother taught me about my Roots 24. My Mother taught me Wisdom 25. My mother taught me about Justice A good friend will bail you out of jail. Your best friend will be sitting next to you in the cell saying 'THAT WAS FREAKIN AWSOME!! LETS DO IT AGAIN!!" A good friend will keep you secrets when you ask them too. A friend tries to help you when you get hurt. A friend helps you up when you fall. A friend gives you their umbrella in the rain. A friend wipes your tears when your rejected. When you're blue, a good friend will ask what's wrong. Friends help you move. Best friends help you move the body. Friends tell you you're too good for him when your dumped. Friends ask you why you're crying. Friends will help you find your way when you're lost. Friends hide you from the cops. LEARN CHINESE IN 5 MINUTES 100 Rules of Anime The laws of Anime is a growing list of physical, universal, and natural #1 - Law of Metaphysical Irregularity- The normal laws of physics do not apply. #2 - Law of Differential Gravitation- Whenever someone or something jumps, is #3 - Law of Sonic Amplification, First Law of Anime Acoustics- In space, loud #4 - Law of Constant Thrust, First Law of Anime Motion- In space, constant thrust #5 - Law of Mechanical Mobility, Second Law of Anime Motion- The larger a #6 - Law of Temporal Variability- Time is not a constant. Time stops for the hero #7 - First Law of Temporal Mortality- "Good Guys" and "Bad Guys" both die in one of #8 - Second Law of Temporal Mortality- It takes some time for bad guys to die... #9 - Law of Dramatic Emphasis- Scenes involving extreme amounts of action are #10- Law of Dramatic Multiplicity- Scenes that only happen once, for instance, a #11- Law of Inherent Combustibility- Everything explodes. Everything. #12- Law of Phlogistatic Emission- Nearly all things emit light from fatal wounds. #13- Law of Energetic Emission- There is always an energy build up (commonly #14- Law of Inverse Lethal Magnitude- The destructive potential of any #15- Law of Inexhaustibility- No one *EVER* runs out of ammunition. That is of #16- Laws of Inverse Accuracy- The accuracy of a "Good Guy" when operating any form #17- Law of Transient Romantic Unreliability- Minimei is a bimbo. (Note: The #18- Law of Hemoglobin Capacity- the human body contains over 12 gallons of blood, #19- Law of Demonic Consistency- Demons and other supernatural creatures have at #20- Law of Militaristic Unreliability- Huge galaxy-wide armadas, entire armies, and #21- Law of Tactical Unreliability- Tactical geniuses aren’t... #22 -Law of Inconsequential Undetectability- People never notice the little #23- Law of Juvenile Intellectuality- Children are smarter than adults. And almost #24- Law of Americanthromorphism- Americans in Anime appear in one of two roles, #25- Law of Mandibular Proportionality- The size of a person’s mouth is directly #26- Law of Feline Mutation- Any half-cat/half-human mutation will invariably: #27- Law of Conservation of Firepower- Any powerful weapon capable of #28- Law of Technological User-Benevolence- The formal training required to operate #29- Law of Melee Luminescence- Any being displaying extremely high levels of #30- Law of Non-Anthropomorphic Antagonism- All ugly, non-humanoid alien races are #31- Law of Follicular Chromatic Variability- Any color in the visible spectrum is #32- Law of Follicular Permanence- Hair in anime is pretty much indestructible, and #34- Law of Probable Attire- Clothing in anime follows certain predictable #35- Law of Musical Omnipotence- Any character capable of musical talent (singing, #36- Law of QuintupularAgglutination- Also called "The Five-man Rule", when "Good #37- Law of Extradimensional Capacitance- All anime females have an #38- Law of Hydrostatic Emission- Eyes tend to be rather large in Anime. This is #39- Law of Inverse Attraction- Success at finding suitable mates is inversely #40- Law of Nasal Sanguination- When sexually aroused, males in Anime don’t get #41- Law of Xylolaceration- Wooden or bamboo swords are just as sharp as metal #42- Law of Juvenile Omnipotence- Always send a boy to do a man’s job. He’ll get it #43- Law of Triscaquadrodecophobia- There is no Law #43. #44- Law of Nominative Clamovocation- the likelihood of success and damage done by a #45- Law of Uninteruptable Metamorphosis- Regardless of how long or involved the #46- Law of Flimsy Incognition- Simply changing into a costume or wearing a teensy #47- Law of Mandibular Combustible Emission- All anime characters seem to have some #48- Law of Electrical and Combustible Survivalism- If you get electrocuted or #49- Law of Female wrath- If a male character insults a female character, he will #50- Law of Artistic Perversion- Most (not all) Anime artists are perverts and are #51- Law of Uninteruptable Nominative Clamovocation- This law is a mixture of Laws 52- Law of Telepathic Obliviousness- Most of the time, some Anime characters #53- Law of Chromatic Diversity- Air can be any color of the viewable spectrum. #54- Law of Old Man Comic Relief- Comic relief comes in the form of a short, bald, #55- Law of the Wise Old Man- Little old Japanese men always know how it ends and #56- Law of Omnipotent Unreliability- Any "Bad Guy" with Omnipotent powers/weapons #57- Law of Minimum Corneal Volume- Eyeballs may make up no less than one sixth of #58- Law of Electrical Charges in Hair- Hair attracts electricity in abundance, #59- Law of Ammunition Accuracy- When there are multiple types of ammunition #60- Law of Active Female Attraction- In a comedy series, a male character’s #61- Law of Sweat Pore Variability- When a person is embarrassed, caught in an #62- The Law of Inverse Training Time- A person who has been training for 3 years #63- Law of Needs to Few and Many- The needs of the many, outweigh the needs of the #64- Law of Bad Humor- Whenever someone says something that is intended to be #65- Law of Extreme Anger- Whenever a female character gets mad, such as seeing the #66- Law of Differentiated Gravitation- #67- Law of Conservation of Ambient Dramatic Tension- In any situation where the #68- Law of Coercive Vehicular Control- No matter how complex or well defined the #69- Amendment to the Law of Conservation of Ambient Dramatic Tension- In any #70- Law of The Rushing Background Effect- Whenever something dramatic occurs, a #71- Law of Interdimensional Hammers- Whenever a female character witnesses a male #72- Law of Instant Band-Aids- Whenever a character is injured (usually in a head #73- Law of Universal Edge Defense- Any projectile attack, from a blast of magic to #74- Law of Intractable Sanity- There is no such thing as insanity in anime. When #75- Law of Celestial Body Control- At a dramatically correct moment, a hero can #76- Law of Aura of Forgetfulness- Any hero who wishes his/her identity to remain a #77- Law of Cool Hair Factor- The hair of a hero will always coalesce into thick #78- Law of Inverse Coping- Any single event will happen to the ONE character LEAST #79- Law of Martial Arts Training Invulnerability- The Myth that certain martial #80- Law of Stereotype Captain characteristics- If a captain of any type of ship is #81- Law of Shades/Coolness Factor- Shades can make you instantly cool, even if #82- Law of Hentai Plot- The proper response to any change in the plotline of a #83- Law of Understatement- Anything that is deemed too impossible will become #84- Law of Dormant Powers- Anytime a hero is somehow outpowered and/or outclassed #85- Law of Style Coefficient- In a situation where a Good guy may be in dire #86- Law of Bad Guy Smugness Factor- Whenever the villain actually succeeds in #87- Law of Tableware Nonexistence- There IS no spoon. #88- Law of Goofy Turn-Ons- In Hentai, ordinary , pedestrian objects sometimes have #89- Law of Penile Variance- All Anime men in Hentai have a ridiculously large #90-Law of Hentai Female Characteristics- All Hentai women have the following #91- Law of Vaginal Variance- Hentai Anime women can take penis lengths of 8" and #92- Law of Hero Identification- All heroes are introduced by way of appearance #93- Law of Cute Mascots- Any anime either Shojo or Shonen has GOT to have at #94- Law of The Force- Most Anime heroes are blessed with a unique sort of ability #95- Law of Naughty Tentacles- All Anime Tentacles are VERY horny and will rape any #96- Law of Cat-Fighting- Two females with a grudge can and will go at each other, #97- Law of Healing- Most anime heroes have a Wolverine-like healing factor that #98- Law of Stereotype Crew Characteristics- All ships, either waterborne or #99- Law of Sparklies- Whenever a character of the main character’s interest #100- Law of Anime Events- Much like wrestling, anything and everything can happen. Complete Man Law List 1. No wasted beer in the name of humor. 2. It has been made official that under no circumstances should the male have to pay for birth control 3. If your best friend is dumped by a girl it is a 6 month waiting period till she can be touched. If he breaks up with her it’s a 6 day waiting period. 4. If two or more males arrived at a party by a single car, and the driving male is hooking up with a girl, it is the responsibility of the other males to find other ways home. 5. Short shorts have been banned… Unless in a participating in a sporting event that demands shorter shorts. Also no real man should be allowed to pop his collar. 6. Every man shall allow one empty urinal of separation in a bathroom with three or more urinals; law is void if there are dividers in between each urinal. 7. If a girl and a guy are not officially dating then it can't be considered cheating. However…if the guy cheats with a girl that is less attractive to the one he is originally interested in then he is either… A) Drunk or B) Dumbass. This then gives the original girl the right to either get mad or laugh at you. 8. No one should ever steal a man's alcohol from that man's cooler…this is the only law that suffers the penalty of death. 9. When bringing condoms to a party it is a man's responsibility to pack two in his pockets and one in his car as a spare incase a friend is in desperate need. 10. No heavy fornication in a friend's bed. Or just wash the sheets. 11. No man shall every use a rolling backpack. If you can't carry the bag then you’re not a man. 12. If another man's fly is down, you didn't see anything and may not make a comment about it. 13. When a man is borrowing a buddies tool or other equipment, if the borrower puts any scratches or brings it back with any noticeable wear, then he is required to do one of the following: If the item costs under 50 bucks, you are required to replace it. If the item costs over 50 bucks, you are required to give him a case of beer, because hey…who wants to spend more than 50 bucks on something that isn't yours. 14. When your friend picks up a hot girl…however the hot girl has an ugly friend…it is only right that you operate as a wing man doing whatever it is you got to do to help your buddy have some time alone with the hot girl. As men we are obligated to sacrifice and pay it forward for each other knowing that the favor will one day be replayed. 15. When calling shotgun, all riders of the car must be outside, and shotgun can only be called when the car is in view. Riders in the car are not allowed to run to shotgun and steal it before the person who called and deserves it arrives there. The driver of the car has no authority to decide on who gets shotgun. If a legitimate confrontation comes up where the rightful owner of the shotgun can not be determined then it will be decided by one round of paper rock scissors (with no shoot). If the two contenders tie 5 times in a row then the rightful owner of the shotgun is to be decided by a UFC cage match in which the first blood drawn decides the rightful owner of shotgun. Addendum to Man Law No. 15: 16. It is PAPER, ROCK, and SCISSORS with no shoot. If you must say shoot, it has to be agreed upon by both men and a witness has to be present and somewhat sober. 17. When toasting with beers you clank with the bottom. 18. You poke it you own it. 19. The head nod is an acceptable way to greet another guy when simply walking past. No words are needed to be said. An upward nod is for friends, a downward nod is for fellow men. 20. If a man is on vacation to a state that does not border his own, or any other country, it is not considered cheating if he so chooses to engage in sexual activity with a girl other than his girlfriend. Although he should be fully aware that his girlfriend may not see eye to eye if she was to ever find out. 21. A man should not masturbate more than 3 times in a day to insure being ready for any unknown or known late night action. Assisting Girls does not count… rule is in exception if male party is in a bet to set a record of number of times in a day. 22. A man shall never wear any article of women's clothing (I.E … Girls Jeans/Pants!) unless they are the loser of such a bet… or if a man is figuratively in a girls pants… (Or any other article of clothing). 23. No man in any circumstance, unless mocking a violator of this law, should pop his collar. 24. A man should never be denied the right to adjust himself or place his hands down his pants under any circumstances. 25. Being a Pirate should be considered a Manly job because pirates get two types of booty. 26. All men must eat meat. A shitload of meat. If not borderline carnivore. For no reason should a man ever be a vegetarian, or eat sick shit like tofu. Also no man should consume any food with the terms "diet", "fat free", or any other healthy suggesting terms for the sake of "watching his weight" or dieting. 27. Every man is required to learn some form of Poker before he dies. 28. If a man ever does something wrong a simple "OOPS", "My Bad", or any variations of cuss words that get the point across will suffice, no need to say "I'm Sorry" 29. No man should ever hook up with his best friend's girl, no matter how hot she is. This is in effect while they are dating or "together." If they are separated refer to Law 3 for the proper way to handle the situation. (Side Advice: Less guilt is involved if she comes on to you. 30. under no circumstance should any one man cockblock another mans attempt at getting some tang. Let’s just leave that up to the tangs fat friend. Please note that cockblocking will result in a suspension of your Man status and its privileges, and will result in the title Manbitch. 31. Every man should watch sports center at least once a day, though multiple viewings are recommended so that one can hold his own in any debate on sports that may arise that day. 32. Under no circumstances shall any man lay a hand on a female or a child in violence. Spanking of a woman's ass or pulling of the hair is permitted if done on request. Corporal punishment is permitted excluding obvious extremes. Punishment for the attacking male is that if other men see the assault taking place they having the right to take him out back behind a building and show him how to fight with real men. In this situation more than one man may be used in the attacking of said woman beater because he clearly doesn’t mind an unfair fight seeing as he was hitting a lady or a child to begin with. A call to the police is a very last resort and should only be used is said male is over 6' 5" 250lb. or an ufc cage fighter. A kick to the crotch is only called for in cases of rape. If it is merely a guy beating a woman, defenseless child, or elderly people then a legitimate beating is called for, but no shots to the crotch. If it is a case of rape however, multiple shots to the crotch are called for. The punishment must fit the crime and since rape is using that area of the body, it is ok to inflict damage to it (Cameron Ross, Nick Polyzos, Kristina Brockmann, and Drew Westerfield). 33. If a woman is present whether family or friend no man under any circumstances shall make their own food or pour their own drinks unless it is a special holiday such as, Mother's day, Birthday's, or St. Patrick's day or if the woman cannot keep up with the pace you want your drink poured. Law is void if significant grilling is involved. 34. No man shall ever watch a soap opera ever! Period! If this law is broken, it will result in the lowering of status from man to Manbitch and the questioning of the liking of opposite gendered relationships. 35. Women can't drive. 36. In the court of Man Law the statement "I was Drunk" will have the same effect as an insanity plea (reduced punishment) in standard court provided the defendant's blood alcohol level exceeds .10. 37. If any male is caught violating a Man Law in serious context, as a form of punishment he should be disowned of his manly name, only to receive the title of "Manbitch" from his peers and colleagues. Forgiveness is pending the severity of the broken law…or a case of beer to all his offended peers as a token of respect to what is manly…and what is not. 38. Any man that is old enough and is not in the army should at least support the troops, even if you don’t agree with the war they are your country men fighting to protect you and you should show them your support 39. No more crushing of empty beer cans or your forehead. Modern, thinner cans make the feat less impressive than with cans of years past. 40. If you take beer to a party the tuck rule is in play when leaving, you may take one beer max, but only if the beer will fit in your pocket. 41. Do not have a conversation at a urinal. 42. A man will not live in his parent’s house past the age of 27 unless they are ill or he is in the war. 43. All men have the right to remain silent when asked by a woman "do you like this". And the right to leave the room. 44. Sex is more important then talking 45. No man under any circumstance shall use lip balm. 46. Grilling regardless of weather is always the first choice for cooking. 47. No man shall ever own a dog smaller then a housecat 48. Men will invite other men to Man Law 49. No man shall ever turn down free beer because "it’s not their brand." 50. No man shall be shamed if they are passed out with their shoes off in your place. If the person passes out outside of the house, then they are fair game shoes or not. 51. It is acceptable for a man to publicly situate and/or scratch himself in the region of the gonads. If at a formal conference, then do so discretely. If at a football party, scratch away, just no handshakes. 52. The morning after, if a beer has been left on the table, no matter the temperature, it is acceptable to consume this item with food, such as its counterpart, cold pizza. 53. If you spill a man’s beer, you buy the next round/refill the cup. 54. Nursing a beer is unacceptable. The bottle/can/cup should never reach lukewarm temperature with beer still in it. If you can’t drink it in said time, don’t open it. If you cant drink it in said time, your man status will be up for review. 55. Always accept beer from a stranger, but only if unopened/capped. 56. It is never a man’s responsibility to empty the trash while drinking. Beer cans may be staked or crushed while the bottles may be thrown into neighbor’s lawn. 57. A man does not have to like another man to drink his beer. Beer is beer. 58. It is acceptable for a man to break man laws, if no other option is humanly possible, in the pursuit of the opposite sex. His actions will be given leeway. 59. The bachelor’s party is exclusively male. (except the entertainment). 60. No man may ever sell a beer to a friend. It’s understood that said friend will repay beer with beer later. Under no circumstance may the replacement beer be of a lesser quality. 61. A man purse is still a purse. 62. No man shall dance for fun unless it’s to increase his chances with a member of the opposite sex. 63. Body paint is only acceptable on a man if it’s on game day and to support his team. 64. No man shall bring a woman to the guy’s night out. this is punishable by verbal abuse for life. 65. If you do not sweat, it’s not a sport. (People sweat during Beer Pong.) 66. If a large snake catches a man off guard and bites, said man is allowed to scream once. 67. No man shall wear a beret unless it’s for his military service. 68. When lifting weights, it is acceptable for a man to wear compression shorts under the regular shorts. No man shall ever wear compression shorts alone. 69. No man shall ever, under and circumstance, share an umbrella with another man. 70. No two men are allowed to enter a revolving door together. Unless it involves a race were the winner receives a combination of the following: beer, food, sex. 71. The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want" gets an Xbox. End of story. 72. Keeping beer from other's by hiding it in the fridge is not permissible. Besides, sharing is caring. 73. Wives and girlfriends may not store items other than beer in the garage fridge. It is for beer only. 74. A man may publicly rebuke another man only if the first man has the man law and number memorized. Otherwise the rebuke must be in private. Furthermore, any man who has the man laws memorized will be deemed a "higher" man. 75. In no situation is it acceptable to sit cross-kneed. You either sit with feet-crossed, no cross, or stand. 76. Men are allowed to lick the plate when done but only when alone or with other men. 77. A man should be able to determine a diesel engine by sound alone. 78. While smiling, no man shall stick his tongue between his teeth. 79. It should be understood that while, yes, cheerleading is not a sport, and it is perfectly accepted to watch. 80. If a man is punched, and the hit is rubbed, he is punched again in the same area twice. 81. A man should be able to lucidly explain the rules of one or more of the following sports: Football (not the European kind), Baseball, or Ice Hockey. 82. The dressing of any pet for any reason is not acceptable…any garment that is not a part of the animal shall not be allowed to be attached to that animal…exceptions are collars, leashes, etc. exception to this rule are monkeys. 83. Under no circumstances shall any man drink wine cooler…ever…unless beer or liquor is completely unattainable. This includes anything (non liquor) fruit flavored that comes in a bottle. 84. Under no circumstances shall a man ever defer control of the television remote to a female. 85. There are three reasons for which a man is allowed to cry. 86. When watching a "catfight" it is perfectly acceptable to choose sides. It is also perfectly acceptable to pray for rippage of clothing. 87. When in a public shower, no man will look below the shoulders. Also, no eye-to-eye contact for more than one second is allowed. If eye contact occurs, nod upwards, and look away. 88. No man under any circumstances should have to explain the use of a power tool to another man. 89. Never should man give a woman the credit card. No exceptions. 90. No man should talk on a telephone to a girl longer than he will have sex with her. 91. Every man should smoke at least one premium cigar in his life. Not any swisher sweet crap either. Cohiba, Monicristo, CAO (Cade Mayo). 92. No man shall ever read an instruction manual. If the man does not know how to use the item trial and error shall be used until the correct function is determined (Eric Gartenberg). 93. No man shall be held accountable for any promise he makes while drunk unless it was a bet. (Boots Jones) 94. When questioned by a friend's girlfriend, you need not and should not provide any information as to his whereabouts. You are even permitted to deny his very existence. 95. Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 24 hours. 96. A best man's toast may not include any of the following phrases, "down in Tijuana", "one time when we were all piss drunk", or "and this girl had the biggest rack you ever saw". 97. You may exaggerate any anecdote told to your friends by 50% without recrimination, beyond that anyone within earshot is allowed to yell out "bullshit!" (exception: when trying to pick up a girl, the allowable exaggeration is 400%) 98. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another man is 5 minutes. The maximum is 6 minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 scale. 99. Bitching about the brand of free beverages in your buddy's refrigerator is forbidden. But gripe at will if the temperature is not suitable. 100. A friend must be permitted to borrow anything you own – grill, car, firstborn child – within 12 hr notice. Women or anything considered "lucky" are not applicable in this case. 101. Falling on a grenade for a buddy (agreeing to distract the skanky friend of the hot babe he's trying to score) is your legal duty. But should you get carried away with your good deed and end up getting on the beast, your pal is forbidden to ever speak of it. 102. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a Buffalo wing clean. 103. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. (in fact, even remembering your best friend’s birthday is optional) 104. You must offer heartfelt condolences over the death of a girlfriend’s cat, even if it was you who secretly set it on fire and threw it into a ceiling fan. 105. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask whose playing. You should know such things. 106. If your girlfriend asks to set your friend up with her ugly, whiny, loser friend of hers, you must grant permission, but only if you have ample time to warn your friend to prepare his excuse about joining the priesthood. 107. When picking players for sports teams it is permissible to skip over your buddy in favor of better athletes- as long as you don’t let him be the last sorry son of a bitch standing on the sideline. 108. Never join your girlfriend in ragging on a buddy of yours… unless she is withholding sex, pending your response. 109. You can not rat out a friend who show's up to work or class with a massive hangover, however you may: hide the aspirin, smear his chair with limburger cheese, turn the brightness on his computer way down so he thinks its broken, or have him paged every seven minutes. 110. The morning after you and a babe, who was formerly "just a friend", go at it, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to jump on her again before there is a discussion about what a big mistake it was. 111. Everybody is Irish on St. Patricks Day. And as such said people must consume alcohol on St. Patricks Day. Green and/ or gold body paint may be worn, but no glitter. |
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