Age: 18

Sex: Male

Occupation: World Domination - *Giving speech to captured hero's/ governments*

...Listen as i speak to you..

...You are now all my slaves...

...I have conquered civilization...

...From the inside of my brain...

...Everyone will do as I say...

...Or chose to be burned alive..

...I am your new God...

...The disciple of suicide...

...I have lined up your cages...

...They are now your new homes...

...And your Freedom of Speech was taken...

...When I ripped out your throats...

...Your ears will be salvaged...

...To do what I seek...

...And listen to my sermon...

...The world domination speech.

Chuckles Evily To Self While Watching Pathetic Buracrats Wimper In Fear!*

Religion: Christian/Order of Primus(God is many fauceted)

How To Tell You're Hopelessly Addicted To Transformers

(I should say that I got many of these things from CaMaRoFaN14's story You know you're obsessed with Transformers when: I got 159 of these things from that story and made alterations to the wording when I needed to. Most of the other things on here came from Hummergrey's story You know You're addicted to Transformers when:, although I can't remember exactly how many. All others that aren't underlined I got off of various profiles of other Transfans, although I regret to say I can't remember their usernames. If you see any on here and you know who they belong who'd profiles they came from, please leave me a PM telling me so I can give credit to them.) The underlined ones are ones I thought of and the ones in bold are ones I've done.

1. You have read every bit of fan information to see what is going to happen in the next TF movie.

2. You already know more than most people about what is going to happen in the next Transformers movie.

3. You know every song used in Transformers movies and soundtracks by heart.

4. You can know what is happening in the movie by the background music.

5. You can recite the entire movies from memory.

6. You can accurately quote all the movies word for word.

7. You become angry when someone misquotes the Transformers.

8. You know more about the Transformers then the actors themselves.

9. You can tell you the past of at least two Autobots and one Decepticon in detail.

10. You can tell you what Autobot is fastest, toughest and smartest and you can give exact specs.

11. You always have tabs on the best Autobot fanfiction, wallpaper and other such things.

12. You call your computer Teletraan one.

13. You have over two thousand pictures of both Autobots and Decepticons (with their alternate modes) somewhere, on your wall, USB, computer, Ipad, ECT.

14. You covered your walls with TF pics.

15. You have posters of your favorite Transformers.

16. You own every DVD, VHS, and Blu-Ray disk of TF.

17. You bought the DVD the first day it came out.

18. You saw the movie over 25 times.

19. You own at least one Transformers related article of clothing.

20. You get a shirt with the Autobot symbol.

21. You own a shirt, jacket or baseball cap with an Autobot logo (against NEST rules and confidential requirements)

22. You are over the age 16 and still want Transformers bedding.

23. You want to collect the Dreamwave Comics even though they went bankrupt and are incomplete stories.

24. You want Takara’s autograph.

25. You custom ordered your contacts to resemble the mechs optics.

26. You own the multiple universe guides and have them highlighted for important facts.

27. You want every toy even if it means importing it.

28. Your room is covered with transformers merchandise.

29. Your parents don't take away your phone and your iPod they take away all your Transformers related items.

30. You know the name of at least 10 aliens and only 5 of your own relatives.

31. You see anything TF and go fan crazy.

32. Your car has some kind of Transformers related decal.

33. Your pets have transformers names of some kind.

34. Every pet you've owned has had a 'Cybertronian' name, or at least a name that could pass as Cybertronian. (Either that or has been named after a Cybertronian.)

35. You read wayyyyyyyyyyyy too many fan-fictions about these guys.

36. Most, if not all, of your fan fictions are transformers related.

37. Reading a normal book no longer interests you, you prefer fan fictions about transformers.

38. You've written at least one Transformers fanfic.

39. You write a Transformers fanfiction to honor special dates.

40. You have done at least one roleplay with Transformers in it.

41. You own a Transformer related site.

42. You are the leader of a Transformers fanbase.

43. You hear any song and you immediately think of a transformer.

44. You have all the music from the original 1986 movie stored in you iPod.

45. You have playlists for each of the mechs in the movies. (And some that aren't.)

46. You have assigned the mechs theme songs

47. You have used movie quotes to finish your sentences.

48. You wonder what you would look like as a Cybertronian.

49. You've started calling yourself by a certain Cybertronian species name. (i.e. Pretender or Seeker.)

50. You have your username having to deal with Transformers.

51. You nickname yourself after your favorite mech and or femme.

52. You want to legally change your name to something more Cybertronian.

53. You were tempted to name your child after a Transformer.

54. You get an Autobot tattoo.

55. You get a Decepticon tattoo.

56. You get a glyph tattoo that a Transformer has.

57. You want to join the Air Force or Navy just to fly an F-22 or F-15 or F-16.

58. You try- and fail- to do real Jet Judo.

59. You have perfected your own style of Jet Judo.

60. You try to do Circuit-su.

61. You are a scientist and want to be called Dr. Jetfire, or Dr. Starscream, or Dr. Preceptor.

62. You are known as General Jazz.

63. You say you are the real Prime.

64. You are a boy and change your name to Sam, Daniel, Spike, or Sparkplug.

65. You are a girl and change your name to Carly, Alexis, Mikaela or Maggie.

66. You start allegiances at your school and cause a school wide war with the other side for power over the playground or school lunch rotunda.

67. You run for class president under the slogan "peace through tyranny." Or "freedom is the right of all sentient beings."

68. You took mechanics as your High School elective on the off chance that Ratchet would be teaching in his Holoform.

69. You write an essay for school about what you want to grow up to be and you say you want to be an Autobot when you grow up.

70. You write your college essays on the show and its mythological parallelisms.

71. You do your college thesis on why Wheeljack’s inventions always explode or where Optimus's trailer goes when he transforms.

72. You use Jetfire as a source for a science paper.

73. You tell your physics teacher that he/she is full of it and that the transformers have proven it is possible to travel faster than the speed of light.

74. You think your teacher’s attitude resembles that of Shockwaves.

75. You think your teachers are really Decepticons in pretender shells.

76. You question the real world's physics. It should be impossible for Megatron to fly since he's a gun yet he can.

77. You tried to get Cybertronian as you language elective in high school.

78. You could actually follow the plot for RotF and DotM

79. When your kids ask if they can watch Transformers on a school night, the answer is ALWAYS yes.

80. Your kids don't question why they have Transformers movie nights any more.

81. At the drive-up burger restaurant, your kids tell you to order Dinobot nuggets and Autobot Energon french-fries with chocolate-chip Energon cookies for dessert!

82. You pair the TFs with other TFs because it's fun.

83. You get into accidents on the off chance Ratchet or First Aid might pick you up.

84. You want to stay in med bay and not a hospital, clinic, or doctor’s office.

85. You are watching a movie with friends and the bad guy throws a hammer or knife and you snort, “Please! Wrenches are so much better for throwing. Where do the Hollywood types get these ideas?” Then smile when everyone turns to stare at you.

86. You throw wrenches like a certain Autobot medic. (Not really, I just own a giant one the size of the ones Ratchet throws and like to threaten my bro with it…)

87. You decided to buy a wrench the size of Ratchet's and keep it on hand on the off chance that the Lambo Twins would pay you a visit.

88. Someone says “wrench” and you duck, looking for a yellow green mad medic.

89. You mistake Auto body Repair with Autobot Repair.

90. You see a car crash and think "that stupid human killed that mech!"

91. You see a car accident in front of you and stop to help. You ask the car first if it is functional before checking on the driver and passenger inside. You say things like, ‘do not move, your leg strut is cracked at that odd angle,’ and ‘you will be fine once you reach med bay’ instead of the hospital. Disclaimer - State the driver or passenger were in shock and misunderstood what you said.

92. When you leave home you shout "ROLL OUT!" Or "DECEPTICONS MOBILIZE!"

93. You dream of transformer pairings.

94. You have reoccurring dreams where you are a Transformer.

95. You think Stan Bush is hiding the real location of the Transformers.

96. You think that area 51 is experimenting on the transformers.

97. You wait for the day the transformers will actually exist so you can rub it in every non-believers face.

98. You see the word Deception and think Decepticon. (I see the word Deception and think it is Decepticon)

99. You see the title Deception and your brain immediately interprets it as Decepticon.

100. You only went to see that movie because you thought it was Decepticon.

101. You call the White House and suggest sending Scorponok to Iraq to end the war.

102. You cannot hear the word blackout without thinking of Blackout.

103. You blame all power outages on Blackout.

104. You constantly wait for things to crash from Decepticon attack.

105. Radio Controlled robots are no longer good enough for you.

106. You think Darth Vader is a wuss and Megatron is the real Lord of the Sith.

107. You cuss as badly as Ratchet, or Ironhide, the Chevy twins, or the Lamborghini twins.

108. One of your insults is 'Son of The Fallen'

109. You don’t say WTF anymore you say What the Matrix. (Eh, I changed the human f word to frag.)

110. Every insult you use is related to Transformers

111. You no longer cuss in your native language you cuss in Cybertronian.

112. You use terms like sparkling, youngling, mech, femme, aft or slag.

113. You act like and pretend to be a Transformer constantly.

114. You start trying to talk like Blurr.

115. You have mastered the art of talking like Blurr.

116. You give people headaches from constant babble on TF theories.

117. You give people headaches with your constant talking about transformers period.

118. You write your congressmen and senators asking to stop Sector 7 funding.

119. You go to the Hoover dam to make sure Megatron is nice and safe in layers of ice.

120. Overhear a conversation about vacationing and touring Hoover Dam and you think of hidden rooms, a giant cube and Megatron on ice.

121. You give your friends designations as some of the Autobots.

122. Your friends that have those designations also bear the titles of that Autobot (Prime, Weapons Specialist, Medic, etc.)

123. “Prime” is now the highest command position you can think of.

124. You give your enemies labels as some of the Decepticons.

125. Your enemies that have those designations also bear the titles of that Decepticon (Warlord, Communications Officer, Air Commander, etc.)

126. You snap awake immediately when someone mentions the Transformers in any way, shape or form

127. You sing the Transformers theme in the shower, on the way to school, and on the way home.

128. You start fights with Pirates of the Caribbean and Harry Potter fans and state a 200-page thesis why the Transformers are better than pirates and wizards.

129. Whenever you hear an explosion you immediately run outside screaming "Wheeljack!"

130. You are constantly wishing Wheeljack would blow up your school for the heck of it.

131. You wish that Wheeljack would blow up some other certain places – and maybe let you help a bit.

132. You wish that Wheeljack could help blow up some certain people.

133. You used to fear explosions… now they make you feel all fuzzy and giddy inside.

134. You think of Wheeljack/Ironhide when you hear this "there is little that cannot be solved by a large amount of explosives."

135. You make references to Transformers in every school subject.

136. You often picture somebody you hate being run over by your favorite Autobot/Decepticon

137. You wish you could use a double plasma cannon on some family member. (I'm gonna have to ask 'Hide about that one...)

138. You wish you had cannons like Ironhide.

139. You can never look at a boom box the same way ever again.

140. You wish your iPod/Zune/MP3 player had half the songs Bumblebee does

141. You wish that your phone was an Autobot and you name it after a fallen Autobot.

142. Your electronics are named after fallen Autobots and Decepticons.

143. You think every electronic device you own is a Transformer

144. You refrain from hitting all electrical appliances for fear they might come alive and hit you back.

145. You used to hate technology and now you love it.

146. You hated cars, but now you love them

147. You used to hate weapons but now they aren’t so bad.

148. Your favorite weapon is now tied between a sabot shell launcher and an Energon sword and you would take both home if you could.

149. You call your gun Ironhide.

150. You state that Jenny (XJ9) is sucky in comparison to Arcee.

151. You squeal uncontrollably when you see any of the cars from Transformers; no matter what generation.

152. You will stare out your car window as a Camaro, Peterbilt Semi, Pontiac Solstice, GMC Topkick, or Hummer drives by.

153. You notice every vehicle that even remotely looks like a Transformer.

154. You hug every yellow vehicle thinking its Bumblebee.

155. You play Prowl vs Barricade instead of Good cop vs Bad cop.

156. You scream and hide when you hear something like a siren thinking it's Barricade.

157. You are distrustful of any black and white Saleen mustang.

158. You can never look at a mustang the same way again

159. You don’t trust black cop cars for fear that it is Barricade

160. You hide from police cars because they remind you of Barricade.

161. You think that the police motto 'To Punish and Enslave' is more fitting than 'To Protect and Serve'.

162. You squeal at the sight of a Police car and think of Prowl (or Barricade).

163. On the off chance that you happen to meet Prowl, you already have a whole list of ways to make him glitch ready in your mind just so that you can enjoy his reactions.

164. You suspect every police car of being Prowl or Barricade.

165. Every black and white car you see you automatically think is a police car.

166. You have called your local officer either Barricade or Prowl.

167. You call your local garbage man Wreck-Gar.

168. Whenever you see a yellow sports car (no matter the type) you want to see if it zaps you like Sunstreaker.

169. You are afraid to go near a yellow Lamborghini for fear you might accidentally mess up its paint job and incur the wrath of the sun.

170. You laugh uncontrollably when you see a red Lambo and a cop car at once, a yellow Lambo and a cop car at once or both a red and a yellow Lambo and a cop car at once.

171. You laugh when you see or if you were to ever see an ambulance being followed by two Lamborghinis or chasing two Lamborghinis.

172. The thought that follows that is "poor, poor Ratchet." Or "what did the twins do this time?"

173. You laugh uncontrollably when you see the carameldancing girls and compare them to the command trine. (Starscream, Skywarp, Thundercracker.)

174. You laugh whenever you think about how kid-friendly Sunstreaker is in G1 and yet how he is so violent in the comics.

175. You suspect every semi-truck with flames is Optimus Prime.

176. You see an ambulance and think it is Ratchet.

177. You claim one of the NASCAR’s is actually Hot Rod in disguise.

178. You name your green Jeep Hound

179. You name your other green Jeep Brawn.

180. You name your red or silver sports car Sideswipe

181. Someone says “Bumblebee” and you look around for a yellow Camaro.

182. You claim that the train you took last year was Astrotrain.

183. You plan to buy at least one of the cars that looks like the ones used in transformers

184. You jump out of bed when you hear a car revs its engine outside of your window and make sure your car is still there.

185. You wish your car would transform in to one of the mechs.

186. Your license plate reads 'WE R 84'

187. Your license plate frame reads ‘my other vehicle is an Autobot’

188. You feel guilty whey you have not washed your car, accidentally hit a pothole or slam the trunk too hard.

189. The bobble head on your car dash is a Transformer, not a hula girl. Bought on e-bay and repainted by you.

190. A car flashes its lights and you think its saying hello instead of the automated non-sentient car alarm warning.

191. You imagine your friend's dad's truck colored blue with flames.

192. You want to be a truck driver because you might get to meet Optimus that way.

193. If you were to ever win the lottery you would buy the rights to own your favorite transformer.

194. Also you would buy the corvette stingray concept and laugh at those who don't have it.

195. You go and buy a GMC Topkick thinking it's Ironhide and always hug it.

196. You hug a Pontiac Solstice thinking it's Jazz brought back to life.

197. You don’t want a Kia even though it’s a cool car, because it doesn’t remind you of any Autobots

198. You attend car shows and space out wondering what each transformer would probably look like

199. You check every vehicle you see for a Decepticon or Autobot insignia... and become disappointed when you don't find either.

200. You have, or plan on doing so, painted the Autobot insignia on your vehicle.

201. You've seen the exact model of one of the Transformers from the movies and gone up to it while saying its name... and swore you saw it shudder.

202. You became even more sure it shuddered when you molested it by caressing its bumper and could have sworn to Primus you felt the vehicle shake. And you're damn sure there's nobody in the vehicle or else you wouldn't have molested it.

203. You pray to God for your very own Bumblebee (or one of the other mechs).

204. You pray to Lord Primus instead of your own God/Gods.

205. You go to Botcon EVERY time it happens religiously.

206. You have dressed up as one of the mechs for Botcon.

207. For Halloween you dressed like your favorite Transformer.

208. For superhero day in school you dressed like Optimus Prime. (Who says he isn't a superhero.)

209. You attend a costume party looking exactly like your favorite Autobot but claim the costume is an original creation to avoid violating the Autobot / Earth treaty and NEST confidentiality agreement.

210. You are no longer embarrassed by your obsession and make it known to the world.

211. Your teachers have also become aware of your obsession and have recommended you to the counselor for help.

212. You are completing your annual psychological evaluation and for the word association you answer the following:

Leader - Prime

Scum - Liaison

Distant - Cybertron

Fuel - Energon

Mother - Femme creator

Pain - Ratchet

213. Therapy is useless and your transformers delusions agree with you.

214. You have an 'imaginary friend' who has the same name as a Cybertronian, or is a Cybertronian.

215. You have a split personality, and your other persona has given themselves a Cybertronian name.

216. Your friends are afraid of you and what this addiction has done to your personality.

217. Your family tells you that if you don't get over your obsession soon, they're going to commit you to an insane asylum.

218. You're actually okay with being committed to an insane asylum. You lost your sanity when you first started watching Transformers. Besides, maybe you'll find Ratchet in the asylum...

219. You get your parents obsessed with Transformers as well; they just aren’t as bad as you.

220. You think you're adopted and your parents are actually Cybertronians.

221. You think your best friend is an "Autobot Pretender"

222. You start calling all insects; Insecticons.

223. You name old cassette tapes after Soundwave’s.

224. You cannot call construction machines by their proper name. And you start calling them by Constructicon names.

225. You go to a museum on natural history and call the dinosaurs by Dinobot names.

226. You call your twin brothers Frenzy and Rumble.

227. You start comparing real political figures with Decepticons and Autobots.

228. When you watch TV you can't help but think about what the mechs would think about that commercial.

229. You buy dinosaur toys for your kids or grandkids and paint them to look metal instead of scaled.

230. Every car or truck toy you buy ends up with an Autobot symbol and every model airplane gets a Decepticon symbol while every fighter jet is repainted to look like an Aerialbot.

231. You name paper airplanes after Seekers, Decepticon or Aerialbots, while stuck in a boring conference call or budget meeting. Truly addicted has you searching through all the office supplies to find the right colored markers for their wing colors afterwards.

232. While all the other children obsessed over their Yu-Gi-Oh and Pokémon you were still obsessing over the newest transformers toy.

233. You're a girl and when you mother gave you a Barbie you immediately set it on fire and demanded a transformer instead.

234. You're a boy and you thought that G.I Joe could go die in a hole and that Transformers was so much cooler.

235. You think Gundam is stupid and transformers always will be better.

236. You would gladly kill anyone who told you that Harry Potter was better than transformers

237. "GIVE ME YOUR FACE!" is your new battle cry when you get in to fights with the Twihards.

238. The Mach 5 race car has nothing on Blurr.

239. You cried when Starscream died in armada.

240. You cried when Optimus died in the 1986 movie and in the 2009 movie.

241. You became severely depressed or cried your eyes out when Jazz was ripped in half.

242. You were displeased, no pissed off, when Jazz was killed off because he was too popular.

243. Whenever you hear someone say "what’s crackin' little bitches." you want to cry.

244. You used to hate Linkin Park and now it's your favorite band.

245. You hear the lines "the subliminal mind f* America" from American idiot by green day and think Soundwave.

246. You think the song I can transform ya by lil Wayne featuring Chris brown and Swiss beats is probably the greatest song ever! (Or any other song that refers to transformers.)

247. You look at a map of astronomy and try to locate planet Junk or Cybertron.

248.Your local army enlistment office has banned you from signing up for N.E.S.T since they think it doesn't exist.

249. For you birthday you want to visit N.E.S.T headquarters or Diego Garcia.

250.. You sign up for the military hoping to see Lennox, Epps, and the Autobots.

251. You call NASA and give them suggestions on improving technology based on Transformers designs.

252. You call the Kennedy space center and ask if they know where planet Junk or Cybertron are yet.

253. They know your call schedule and have asked you to stop calling.

254. You send IDW angry letters for killing Sunstreaker off repeatedly. (Same with all of the Autobots they killed more than once.)

255. You used to be a very non-violent person until you watched Transformers.

256. You have tried to locate Tranquility Nevada.

257. You find Shockwave much scarier than some murderer.

258. You accidentally doodled the Autobot insignia over your homework and had to start all over.

259. You think the Maximal's and the Predacons are annoying and that nobody can replace the original Autobots and Decepticons.

260. You look at Barney and think about Beast Wars Megatron quickly followed by the thought "Megatron I have lost what little respect I had for you."

261. Beast wars were enough to make you want to forget about the transformers. (But you watched it anyway.)

262. You wear your favorite Transformers colors. (Ex: Sideswipe red or silver depending on universe.)

263. You have perfected your evil Sunstreaker or Megatron laugh.

264. You know when the twins smile something is up.

265. Sunny & Sides doesn’t refer to a breakfast order but twin trouble.

266. Your pranking record is almost as extensive as Sideswipe’s or Skywarp’s.

267. When your friends have been pranked by you they scream "LAMBORGHINI TWINS!" instead of your names.

268. Someone says “here comes the twins” and you drop to the ground, looking for cover.

269. You KNOW that Michael Bay has something against Sunstreaker for not putting him in transformers 2 or 3.

270. Sunstreaker reminds you of a very tall Edward Cullen just moody and violent.

271. Airports in all of their boringness now scare you… after all a seeker has to roost somewhere!

272. When you see three jets you immediately take cover or begin to make insulting signs up at them.

273. You crack up when you hear how Starscream sounds in G1 and it's your ringtone for your brother.

274. Whenever you eat Doritos… Starscream comes to mind, causing you to laugh.

275. The thought that follows is 'not so tough now are you 'Screamer?' followed by more laughter.

276. You take to the shooting range to learn how to shoot moving targets. That way you can shoot down Decepticon Seekers.

277. You believe that every U.F.O is Cosmos messing with us all.

278. Your friends refer to you as Swindle constantly.

279. Your friends often call you as vain as Tracks or worse Sunstreaker.

280. You pull a Sunstreaker when someone messes up your hair.

281. When someone messes up your hair you scream "MY PAINT!" instead of "MY HAIR!"

282. Megatron is now known as trigger crotch among you and your friends.

283. You have keyed the Decepticon insignia in to your enemy's car door in the hopes that the Autobots will do something about them.

284. You remember feeling all fuzzy inside when Optimus Prime smiled in the old cartoons.

285. You think the ghost of Starscream is haunting you.

286. You’re afraid to look at any cat weird for fear its Ravage.

287. You think that strange cat next door is Ravage.

288. The thought that follows is "I thought Bumblebee tore out your spine!"

289. You think the demonic pet in your neighborhood is actually a Decepticon in disguise... maybe Soundwave made a new Cassetticon.

290. You refer to electricity as Energon.

291. Soda is also referred to as Energon.

292. Pocky and Ramune are really liquid and solid forms of Energon. (And tend to go insane when you manage to get your hands on some.)

293. You wish your diet were as easy as choosing between Energon and high grade.

294. You do/or have imagined what sex would be like with a Cybertronian.

295. After wondering that you shuddered/blushed and thanked Primus Soundwave didn't exist so he couldn't read your mind.

296. Soundwave reminds you of pedo bear.

297. You think that mythical creatures like dragons and unicorns are all actually ancient Cybertronians. Possibly the forms they took before mankind started inventing technology.

298. You separate your family by fraction and sub-group.

299. You used to hate the color yellow and now love it.

300. You are a boy and wear pink to advertise Arcee for TF2.

301. You think Decepticons caused the California forest fires.

302. You claim every earthquake is caused by Rumble.

303. You claim the oil crisis is caused by Megatron wanting Energon.

304. You have the TF Calendar for the next year up on your wall and the year isn’t even half done yet.

305. You’ve built a model of the Ark.

306. You’ve also built a model of the Nemesis.

307. You then staged battles between your two new models.

308. You want to move to Iacon.

309. You think your local minister is really a member of the Ancients.

310. You think the head of congress is really a Quintesson.

311. You state that Global Warming is really a Great Shutdown of the planet.

312. You call your soul a spark now.

313. You try to build a space bridge.

314. You think the end of the world will come from Unicron.

315. You want Vector Sigma.

316. You join Transformer fanclubs.

317. You buy a piñata with a Decepticreep symbol on it and smash away.

318. You read the Bible and it actually means even more to you after being a Transfan.

319. Someone says Transformers and you look up for a mech or femme and not a power pole attachment.

320. You fleshlings wish you had an alt form.

321. Your personal ad online starts with ‘looking for Sparkmate w/ beautiful personality and protoform.’

322. You get out of bed and rise to your feet as though transforming, arms swinging in by hips, hands out, squaring your shoulders and lifting your head up, before dropping into a combat ready pose.

323. Every person you date has to have bright blue eyes, not hazel, brown or green but bright blue. (No, but LOL!)

324. Someone says, “He’s big and tall” causing you to snort, “Arcee is taller than that and Mud flap’s chest plate puts his to shame.”

325. You mark time as 7 years ago was Mission City and the loss of the AllSpark, 5 years ago was the sun harvester in Egypt and 3 years ago was Sentinel’s betrayal in Chicago City and the attempt of the Spacebridge.

326. You have ever gone into a bar and asked what their best high grade is.

327. Using the expressions, “I’ll drive” or “let me drive” when demonstrating or assisting a fellow coworker instead of “I’ll help” or “let me try.”

328. You wish your dentist could give you a battle mask.

329. You visit the dentist and he is wearing a scrub top with vehicles on it. You automatically begin matching names to alt modes. Car carrier is Ultra Magnus, Semi with different paint job is Optimus Prime, Ambulance is Ratchet, and cop car with black and white paint is Prowl. (Or Barricade)

330. You are looking at that baby toy with the cars, trains, and hot air balloons, and when you move the cars along on the wire, the first thing you think is, "Autobots roll out."

331. Someone asks what the best part of your job is and your first thoughts are: exotic travel locations, the amount of stuff I blow up, working with mondo size aliens and never needing a babysitter for my kids again.

332. Use the term “bot” instead of “person” as in ‘what do I look like, an information bot, messenger bot or medical bot?’

333. Every time you type energy it becomes Energon, feminine becomes femme and optimal becomes Optimus and deception becomes Decepticon. Worse, your spell checker accepts it and does not flag it for correction on official reports.

334. You feel a mild flash of panic whenever your instant messenger pops up with insert friend's name is now ‘offline.’

335. The mud flap behind your pick up or truck tire has the outline of Elita or Arcee instead of a human shape. Never let femmes or Prime discover that!

336. You shudder at the thought of Optimus or for that matter any of the older mechs saying "all the shorty’s in the house say YEAH!"

337. This also goes for "it's so hot today I saw a squirrel rubbing sun block on his nuts!"

338. As you read all of these you nod and smile or laugh to yourself.

339. You notice that you have done or do at least five of these things.

340. You laugh when you realize that you want to now do most if not all of these things.

341. The family member in the room next to you is giving you weird looks but you could care less.

342. You're hopelessly obsessed and proud of it! You added to the list, or pasted some on your profile.

TRANSFORMERS! IF YOU LIKE TRANSFORMERS COPY AND PASTE THIS ONTO YOUR PROFILE!!

AUTOBOTS! If you are on the side of the righteous Autobots paste this onto your profile!

If you have a little bit of Decepticon in you, paste this onto your profile!

If you are obsessed with Transformers fanfiction copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think the world would explode from an alliance between the Lamborghini twins and the Cassette twins, and you want that alliance to happen, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you are or have ever been in love with a fictional character copy and paste this into your profile.

If fanfiction shut down and you would go insane because of it, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you are insane but intellegent, put this in your profile!

#1 - Law of Metaphysical Irregularity- The normal laws of physics do not apply.

#2 - Law of Differential Gravitation- Whenever someone or something jumps, is
thrown, or otherwise is rendered airborne, gravity is reduced by a factor of 4.
* Some things have been known to "Float" for a few seconds before plummeting to hit
the ground, vehicle, or someone’s cranium.

#3 - Law of Sonic Amplification, First Law of Anime Acoustics- In space, loud
sounds, like explosions, are even louder because there is no air to get in the way.

#4 - Law of Constant Thrust, First Law of Anime Motion- In space, constant thrust
equals constant velocity.

#5 - Law of Mechanical Mobility, Second Law of Anime Motion- The larger a
mechanical device is, the faster it moves, Armoured Mecha are the fastest objects
known to human science.

#6 - Law of Temporal Variability- Time is not a constant. Time stops for the hero
whenever he does something "cool" or "impressive". Time slows down when friends and
lovers are being killed and speeds up whenever there is a fight.

#7 - First Law of Temporal Mortality- "Good Guys" and "Bad Guys" both die in one of
two ways - either so quick they don’t even see it coming, OR it’s a long drawn out
affair where the character gains much insight to the workings of society, human
existence or why the toast always lands butter side down. *NOTE: Sometimes, Anime
heroes or villains never really die! In these rare cases they were a clone or cyborg
and the real hero/villain’s suspiciously missing in "Malletspace", or something.

#8 - Second Law of Temporal Mortality- It takes some time for bad guys to die...
regardless of physical damage. Even when the "Bad Guys" are killed so quickly they
don’t even see it coming, it takes them a while to realize they are dead. This is
attributed to the belief that being evil damages the Reality Lobe of the brain.

#9 - Law of Dramatic Emphasis- Scenes involving extreme amounts of action are
depicted with either still frames or black screens with a slash of bright color
(usually red or white).

#10- Law of Dramatic Multiplicity- Scenes that only happen once, for instance, a
"Good Guy" kicks the "Bad Guy" in the face, are seen at least 3 times from 3
different angles.

#11- Law of Inherent Combustibility- Everything explodes. Everything.
First Corollary- Anything that explodes bulges first.
Second Corollary- Large cities are the most explosive substances known to
human science. Tokyo in particular seems to be the most unstable of these cities,
sometimes referred to as "The Matchstick City".

#12- Law of Phlogistatic Emission- Nearly all things emit light from fatal wounds.

#13- Law of Energetic Emission- There is always an energy build up (commonly
referred to as an energy "bulge") before Mecha or space craft weapons fire. Because
of the explosive qualities of weapons, it is believed that this is related to the
Law of Inherent Combustibility.

#14- Law of Inverse Lethal Magnitude- The destructive potential of any
object/organism is inversely proportional to its mass.
First Corollary- Small and cute will always overcome big and ugly. Also
known as the A-Ko phenomenon.

#15- Law of Inexhaustibility- No one *EVER* runs out of ammunition. That is of
course unless they are cornered, out-numbered, out-classed, and unconscious.

#16- Laws of Inverse Accuracy- The accuracy of a "Good Guy" when operating any form
of firearm increases as the difficulty of the shot increases. The accuracy of the
"Bad Guys" when operating firearms decreases when the difficulty of the shot
decreases. (Also known as the Stormtrooper Effect) Example: A "Good Guy" in a
drunken stupor being held upside down from a moving vehicle will always hit, and
several battalions of "Bad Guys" firing on a "Good Guy" standing alone in the middle
of an open field will always miss.
First Corollary- The more "Bad Guys" there are, the less likely they will
hit anyone or do any real damage.
Second Corollary- Whenever a "Good Guy" is faced with insurmountable odds,
the "Bad Guys" line up in neat rows, allowing the hero to take them all out with a
single burst of automatic fire and then escape.
Third Corollary- Whenever a "Good Guy" is actually hit by enemy fire, it is
in a designated "Good Guy Area", usually a flesh wound in the shoulder or arm,
which restricts the "Good Guy" from doing anything more strenuous than driving,
firing weaponry, using melee weapons, operating heavy machinery, or doing complex
martial arts maneuvers.
*Fourth Corollary- The more times the "Bad Guy" fires, the fewer times he
will hit.

#17- Law of Transient Romantic Unreliability- Minimei is a bimbo. (Note: The
Minority Opposition in Ohio disagrees and thinks all men who like this stuff needs
to get out more.)

#18- Law of Hemoglobin Capacity- the human body contains over 12 gallons of blood,
sometimes more, under high pressure.

#19- Law of Demonic Consistency- Demons and other supernatural creatures have at
least three eyes, loads of fangs, tend to be yellow-green or brown, but black is not
unknown, and can only be hurt by bladed weapons. *Also, acid has been known to work
just as well...

#20- Law of Militaristic Unreliability- Huge galaxy-wide armadas, entire armies, and
large war machines full of cruel, heartless, bloodthirsty warriors can be stopped
and defeated with a single insignificant example of a caring/loving emotion or a
song.
First Corollary- Whenever a single war machine (mecha, starship, etc.) goes
up against an entire army, the army always loses.

#21- Law of Tactical Unreliability- Tactical geniuses aren’t...

#22 -Law of Inconsequential Undetectability- People never notice the little
things... like missing body parts, or wounds the size of Seattle.

#23- Law of Juvenile Intellectuality- Children are smarter than adults. And almost
twice as annoying.

#24- Law of Americanthromorphism- Americans in Anime appear in one of two roles,
either as a really nasty skinny "Bad Guy" or a big stupid "Good Guy".
First Corollary- The only people who are more stupid than the big dumb
Americans are the American translators. (Sometimes referred to as the Green Line
Effect)
Second Corollary- The only people who are more stupid than the American
translators are the American editors and censors.
*Third Corollary- Canadians are usually portrayed as smart, strong, handsome
"Good Guys".

#25- Law of Mandibular Proportionality- The size of a person’s mouth is directly
proportional to the volume at which they are speaking or eating.

#26- Law of Feline Mutation- Any half-cat/half-human mutation will invariably:
1) be female.
2) will possess ears and sometimes a tail as a genetic mutation.
3) wear as little clothing as possible, if any.

#27- Law of Conservation of Firepower- Any powerful weapon capable of
destroying/defeating an opponent in a single shot will invariably be reserved and
used as a last resort.

#28- Law of Technological User-Benevolence- The formal training required to operate
a spaceship or mecha is inversely proportional to its complexity.

#29- Law of Melee Luminescence- Any being displaying extremely high levels of
martial arts prowess and/or violent emotions emits light in the form of a glowing
aura. This aura is usually blue for "Good Guys" and red for "Bad Guys". This is
attributed to Good being higher in the electromagnetic spectrum than Evil.

#30- Law of Non-Anthropomorphic Antagonism- All ugly, non-humanoid alien races are
hostile, and usually hell-bent on destroying humanity for some obscure reason.

#31- Law of Follicular Chromatic Variability- Any color in the visible spectrum is
considered a natural hair color. This color can change without warning or
explanation.

#32- Law of Follicular Permanence- Hair in anime is pretty much indestructible, and
can resist any amount of meteorological conditions, energy emissions, physical
abuse, or explosive effects and still look perfect. The only way to hurt someone’s
hair is the same way you deal with demons... with bladed weapons!

#34- Law of Probable Attire- Clothing in anime follows certain predictable
guidelines: Female characters wear as little clothing as possible, regardless of
whether it is socially or meteorologically appropriate. Any female with an excessive
amount of clothing will invariably have her clothes ripped to shreds or torn off
somehow. If there is no opportunity to tear off aforementioned female’s clothes,
then she will inexplicably take a shower for no apparent reason (also known as the
Gratuitous Shower Scene). Whenever there is a headwind, Male characters invariably
wear long cloaks that don’t hamper movement and billow out dramatically behind them.
First Corollary (Cryo-Adaptability)- All anime characters are resistant to
extremely cold temperatures, and do not need to wear heavy or warm clothing in snow.
Second Corollary (Indecent Invulnerability)- Bikinis render the wearer
invulnerable to any form of damage.
*Third Corollary (Probable Attire permanence)- The clothing on the hero is
indestructible. Their capes, robes, (and if they are girls,) skirts, dresses, bows,
or any loose clothing will just flap when they are in the middle of a fire or ice
attack... Unless it's a hentai. It is believed that the clothes are made out of
Anime Character hair. (re. Laws 32 & 48)

#35- Law of Musical Omnipotence- Any character capable of musical talent (singing,
playing an instrument, etc. Is automatically capable of doing much more "simple"
things, like piloting mecha, fighting crime, stopping an intergalactic war, and so
on... especially if they’ve never attempted these things before.

#36- Law of Quintupular Agglutination- Also called "The Five-man Rule", when "Good
Guys" group together, it tends to be in groups of five. There are five basic
positions, which are:
1) The Hero/Leader
2) His Girlfriend
3) His Best Friend/Rival
4) A Hulking Brute
5) A Dwarf/Kid
Between these basic positions are distributed several attributes, which include:
1) Extreme Coolness
2) Amazing Intelligence
3) Incredible Irritation

#37- Law of Extradimensional Capacitance- All anime females have an
extrasdimensional storage space of variable volume somewhere on their person from
which they can instantly retrieve any object at a moment’s notice. This mysterious
dimension is commonly called "Malletspace".
First Corollary (AKA The Hammer Rule)- The most common item stored is a
heavy mallet, costumes/uniforms, power suits/armor, and large bazookas.

#38- Law of Hydrostatic Emission- Eyes tend to be rather large in Anime. This is
because they contain several gallons of water, which may be instantaneously released
at high pressure through large tear ducts. The actual volume of water contained in
the eyes is unknown, as there is no evidence to suggest that these reservoirs are
actually capable of running out. The reason water tends to collect in the eyes is
because Anime characters only have one large sweat gland, which is located at the
back of the head. When extremely stressed , embarrassed, or worried, this sweat
gland exudes a single but very large drop of sebaceous fluid.

#39- Law of Inverse Attraction- Success at finding suitable mates is inversely
proportionate to how desperately you want to be successful. The more you want, the
less you get and vice-versa.
First Corollary- Unfortunately, this law seems to apply to Otaku in the real
world...

#40- Law of Nasal Sanguination- When sexually aroused, males in Anime don’t get
erections, they get nosebleeds. No one’s sure why this is, though... the current
theory suggests that larger eyes means smaller sinuses and thinner sinus tissue (see
Law #38 above). Females don’t get nosebleeds, but invariably get one heck of a blush
along the cheeks and across the nose, suggesting a lot of bloodflow to that region.

#41- Law of Xylolaceration- Wooden or bamboo swords are just as sharp as metal
swords, if not sharper.

#42- Law of Juvenile Omnipotence- Always send a boy to do a man’s job. He’ll get it
done in half the time and twice the angst.

#43- Law of Triscaquadrodecophobia- There is no Law #43.

#44- Law of Nominative Clamovocation- the likelihood of success and damage done by a
martial arts attack is directly proportional to the volume at which the full name of
the attack is announced (known as the Kamehameha effect).

#45- Law of Uninteruptable Metamorphosis- Regardless of how long or involved the
transformation sequence or how many times they’ve seen it before, any "Bad Guys"
witnessing a mecha/hero/heroine transforming are too stunned to do anything to
interrupt it.

#46- Law of Flimsy Incognition- Simply changing into a costume or wearing a teensy
mask can make you utterly unrecognizable to even your closest friends and relatives.

#47- Law of Mandibular Combustible Emission- All anime characters seem to have some
unknown chemical on their breath that reacts VERY violently with extremely hot or
spicy food. This chemical may also be responsible for the phenomenon of fire behind
the eyes and from the mouth when a character (usually a female) is really angry.

#48- Law of Electrical and Combustible Survivalism- If you get electrocuted or
burned, YOU WILL SURVIVE!! Though your entire body will be scorched, seconds later,
your skin won’t have a trace of damage (Also known as the "Pikachu Effect").
First Corollary- When a magical bad guy/Alien/monster fires off a flame,
wind, or ice attack, the resulting effect is only enough for the hero(es)/heroine(s)
to be standing in the "Walking Against the Wind" stance, with his/her eyes shut and
letting out a pathetic "Aaaaagh!", and yet they are never harmed. This may be in
part to laws 32, 34 and sometimes 44.

#49- Law of Female wrath- If a male character insults a female character, he will
get a mallet, shotgun, or tank blast, or if she is a character that can perform
magical feats, a fireball or whatever, to the head, body or whatever (Also known as
the "Lina Inverse/Gourry Factor") This is because he always deserves it, and will
help him to cope in today’s society. (Sniff Sniff

#50- Law of Artistic Perversion- Most (not all) Anime artists are perverts and are
under the impression that girls are willing to tear off their clothes, or wear VERY
small, revealing outfits at the drop of a pin (or pen for that matter).
Unfortunately, most Hentai fans are under the same impression.

#51- Law of Uninteruptable Nominative Clamovocation- This law is a mixture of Laws
44 and 45. Regardless of how long or involved the Spell or projectile attack is, and
the likelihood of success and damage done by the volume at which the full name of
the attack is announced, or how many times they’ve seen it before, any "Bad Guys"
witnessing a hero/heroine quoting the incantations for an extremely powerful attack
are too stunned to do anything to interrupt it. (Also known as the "Dragon Slave
Phenomenon")

52- Law of Telepathic Obliviousness- Most of the time, some Anime characters
(usually males) will think personal (Like that he/she has sabotaged something), or
perverted thoughts, while near some other character, WHO’S TELEPATHIC!! The reasons
for this are:
1) They forgot that the person is telepathic.
2) They just don’t give a damn.
The reasons the telepathic person doesn’t react are:
1) They’re preoccupied with doing something else.
2) They’d rather keep the fact to themselves that they are Telepathic.
3) They just don’t give a damn.

#53- Law of Chromatic Diversity- Air can be any color of the viewable spectrum.

#54- Law of Old Man Comic Relief- Comic relief comes in the form of a short, bald,
wise-mouthed dirty old man or alien. Or the combination of any two of those traits.
First Corollary- If old man is present, and is acting too horny, stupid,
etc., there will invariably be an old woman to whap him over the head with a frying
pan or something.

#55- Law of the Wise Old Man- Little old Japanese men always know how it ends and
withhold the ending from anyone, especially the hero. This includes special power
weapons, ancient relics, and people who know everything.

#56- Law of Omnipotent Unreliability- Any "Bad Guy" with Omnipotent powers/weapons
will never use those powers/weapons against the "Good Guy" until it is too late.
First Corollary- All "Bad Guys" suffer from Antagonistic Boasting Syndrome
which require all "Bad Guys" to threaten with or exemplify their prowess and not use
it against the "Good Guy".
Second Corollary- No "Bad Guy" may use any new, secret, or superior military
device without one of the following events occurring:
a) The control device being broken.
The control device being taken by the "Good Guy".
c) The control device is in fact not the real device at all and was just
"fooled" by the "Good Guy".
d) The "Bad Guy" has already lost and cannot use the device.

#57- Law of Minimum Corneal Volume- Eyeballs may make up no less than one sixth of
the face’s total surface area. More so if the case is a blonde woman.

#58- Law of Electrical Charges in Hair- Hair attracts electricity in abundance,
resulting in two outcomes:
a) A positive charge will result in the spikes-flying-everywhere-behind-me
look.
A negative charge will result in the
hair-cascading-down-to-the-waist-in-a-single-sheet look.

#59- Law of Ammunition Accuracy- When there are multiple types of ammunition
available (paintballs, speaker pods), non-lethal rounds will always be more accurate
when compared to "standard" or lethal shots. (Macross Plus for paintballs, Macross 7
for speaker pods)

#60- Law of Active Female Attraction- In a comedy series, a male character’s
attractiveness to women is inversely proportional to how active they pursue them.
(Tenchi, Ranma, and Makoto [OVA] have a seemingly endless supply of willing
girlfriends despite their lack of romantic skill while Happosai, Ataru, and Carrot
couldn’t get a date despite [or because of] their constant attempts.)

#61- Law of Sweat Pore Variability- When a person is embarrassed, caught in an
awkward situation, or otherwise humiliated, all sweat pores on the body contract,
except for ones on the forehead. These pores expand to such a degree that a single
drop could fill a Big Gulp from 7-11.

#62- The Law of Inverse Training Time- A person who has been training for 3 years
is never as good as someone who has been training for one month.

#63- Law of Needs to Few and Many- The needs of the many, outweigh the needs of the
few... of even the one.

#64- Law of Bad Humor- Whenever someone says something that is intended to be
funny, whether actually funny or not, the rest of the characters (even animals) fall
to the ground with their feet in the air. Sweat sometimes accompanies the fall.
*(The sound of a cow mooing usually accompanies the joke as well.)

#65- Law of Extreme Anger- Whenever a female character gets mad, such as seeing the
male character with another girl, she becomes extremely strong (despite her usually
helpless look) so that she can lift a 1000 ton object to hurt the guy. She can
sometimes perform other punishments that are just as cruel such as pinching the
guy’s face so hard that it changes shape. *(see law #49)

#66- Law of Differentiated Gravitation-
First Corollary- If the airborne entity exceeds an altitude equal or greater
than two times the height of the entity, gravity is decreased by an inverse
coefficient relative to the upward momentum and mass/weight (if within at least
500 km of any gravity source) of the entity "jumping".
Second Corollary- The amount of Newtonian "opposite force" (in accordance to
normal downward velocity; "Earth gravity" speed is equal to 32ft/sec/sec) is also
inversely proportional to the "actual" speed of the airborne entity. In all
actuality, an entity that appears to be flying towards a solid concrete parking lot
from space will actually land, producing an opposite force of approximately 1.73 lb.
of pressure. Unless this particular entity is a "Bad Guy". Then the law exhibits a
mysterious exponentially proportional Newtonian opposite force, thusly increasing
this variable by a factor equal to the inverse-gravity potential.

#67- Law of Conservation of Ambient Dramatic Tension- In any situation where the
Ambient Dramatic Tension increases, the "Good Guy’s" Style Coefficient must be
increased by a proportional amount to compensate. In any situation where this does
not happen, the "Bad Guy" inevitably comes out on top. However, this usually leads
to a further rise in the Ambient Dramatic tension, which will *always* be offset by
an exponential increase in the "Good Guy’s" Style Coefficient.

#68- Law of Coercive Vehicular Control- No matter how complex or well defined the
control system, a character controlling a vehicle of any sort always does so through
means of undetectable subconscious psychokinesis.
First Corollary- Characters can perform actions with their vehicles which
clearly defy normal physics (see Laws of Metaphysical Irregularity and Constant
Thrust). The velocity, attitude and traction of the vehicle appear to be adjusted at
will, with the degree of absolute control being proportional to the complexity and
lethality of the maneuver.
Second Corollary- It is effectively impossible to remove characters from or
disrupt the passage of their vehicles without the character’s consent. This does not
always apply to "Bad Guy" characters, or "Good Guy" characters in situations where
the Ambient Dramatic Tension could increase in accordance with the Law of
Conservation of Ambient Dramatic Tension.

#69- Amendment to the Law of Conservation of Ambient Dramatic Tension- In any
situation where the Ambient Dramatic Tension increases without a corresponding
increase in the "Good Guy’s" Style Coefficient, not only does the "Bad Guy" usually
come out on top, but also his Smugness Factor increases in proportion to the rise in
Ambient Dramatic Tension.

#70- Law of The Rushing Background Effect- Whenever something dramatic occurs, a
survival instinct engages, thus rendering all incoming stimulus that is not directly
and immediately to the dramatic situation at hand a meaningless blur. This is often
referred to as "The Rushing Background Effect". Due to the increase in brain
activity and adrenaline levels in the bloodstream, the scene is often played out in
slow motion.

#71- Law of Interdimensional Hammers- Whenever a female character witnesses a male
character of her preference performing any sort of questionable act (i.e. Looking at
another girl or anything she might construe as perverted) she can reach into an
interdimensional realm (usually behind her back) and withdraw a huge Anime Mallet of
Doom with which to whack the said male over the head with. *(see Laws # 37, 49, and
65)

#72- Law of Instant Band-Aids- Whenever a character is injured (usually in a head
shot, maybe from a mallet whack) Band-Aids will always instantly appear on the
wounded individual (and always in pairs, set in a cross fashion). These bandages
will then, most likely, disappear by the character’s next scene.

#73- Law of Universal Edge Defense- Any projectile attack, from a blast of magic to
a hail of bullets, can be easily defended against by holding a suitably cool-looking
sword or other bladed weapon between the attacker and defender, usually so that the
edge cuts into the incoming attack(s), causing both halves to go flying harmlessly
past the defender. Observed most often in fantasy and martial arts anime.

#74- Law of Intractable Sanity- There is no such thing as insanity in anime. When
faced with horrifying supernatural forces that would drive most men mad, anime
characters will either:
a) Die quickly (but in accordance with all other laws [e.g., slowdown and
exposition]),
Get possessed by them, especially if they are beautiful girls or men in a
position to ravish beautiful girls, or
c) Kill them, wipe the blood off their blades, and walk on whistling.

#75- Law of Celestial Body Control- At a dramatically correct moment, a hero can
summon a sun/moon/halo to appear behind him/her to cause a dramatic silhouette.

#76- Law of Aura of Forgetfulness- Any hero who wishes his/her identity to remain a
secret will invariably succeed regardless of disguise because everyone around
him/her will forget everything. Otherwise, how does Sailor Moon keep her disguise?

#77- Law of Cool Hair Factor- The hair of a hero will always coalesce into thick
strands that drape his face into a dramatic fashion, regardless of wind, the
elements, etc. *(see Laws 32 & 48)

#78- Law of Inverse Coping- Any single event will happen to the ONE character LEAST
capable of dealing with it.

#79- Law of Martial Arts Training Invulnerability- The Myth that certain martial
arts will enable you to become so strong, that you can stop a nuclear warhead with
your bare palm. Unfortunately, for most otaku, they found the hard way that it just
doesn’t work in real life...

#80- Law of Stereotype Captain characteristics- If a captain of any type of ship is
male, he will invariably wear a big captain’s cap, a long overcoat, and have a
shaggy beard and mustache (pipe optional), and be a great tactician. If the captain
is female, however, she will invariably be young, well endowed, and ditzy as a pole
(horny father optional). Yet, she too will be a great tactician.

#81- Law of Shades/Coolness Factor- Shades can make you instantly cool, even if
you’re normally a klutz.

#82- Law of Hentai Plot- The proper response to any change in the plotline of a
Hentai anime is to start having sex.

#83- Law of Understatement- Anything that is deemed too impossible will become
possible.
First Corollary- Any "Bad Guy" stating "T-that’s impossible!" whenever the
hero is accomplishing some new feat/move/projectile will find out too late that he
is wrong and will invariably be toastied.

#84- Law of Dormant Powers- Anytime a hero is somehow outpowered and/or outclassed
by the villain, he will invariably release powers/new moves he never knew he could
accomplish... but his old teacher did!

#85- Law of Style Coefficient- In a situation where a Good guy may be in dire
straits, he will become stronger, smarter and more cool in a matter of seconds. (see
Laws #67, 69, and 84)

#86- Law of Bad Guy Smugness Factor- Whenever the villain actually succeeds in
beating the hero, they will begin to gloat uncontrollably, because they’ve never won
against the "Good Guy" (because they’re Eeeviiil!!). They usually get so cocky, they
tie the hero to a conveyor belt leading to his doom and leave to get a snack.
Usually this results in:
a) The hero escaping.
Clean-up for the underlings.
c) The villain getting toastied.

#87- Law of Tableware Nonexistence- There IS no spoon.

#88- Law of Goofy Turn-Ons- In Hentai, ordinary , pedestrian objects sometimes have
the magical power of either inducing orgasm or arousal. Some include warm water,
rolling on a smooth tabletop, wind, mild electrocution, the character toweling
themselves after a bath/shower, and very cold objects... like bottles of 7-up.

#89- Law of Penile Variance- All Anime men in Hentai have a ridiculously large
penis (lengths of 8, 9, 10 and 11 inches are most common). Some even have ones the
size of telephone poles, despite the blood loss that would accompany it...

#90-Law of Hentai Female Characteristics- All Hentai women have the following
characteristics:
1) Very sensitive and/or very large breasts with large nipples.
2) Very tight and/or sensitive vaginas.

#91- Law of Vaginal Variance- Hentai Anime women can take penis lengths of 8" and
up... completely... despite the fact that they might have a tight and/or sensitive
vagina.

#92- Law of Hero Identification- All heroes are introduced by way of appearance
while someone talking about their (in)famous-ness, or by way of a voice-over of them
introducing themselves.

#93- Law of Cute Mascots- Any anime either Shojo or Shonen has GOT to have at
least one cute, furry little mascot by penalty of death!
First Corollary- If it is a Shonen Anime, the hero will be accompanied by a
Dog, Cat or any kind of animal, real or fake, that would be found with a hero of the
male persuasion. Any animal that would be associated with girls that is following
him around is there because:
1) It’s his girlfriend’s.
2) It is following him, despite his insistence not to do so.
3) Chicks will dig him more.
Second Corollary- If it is a Shojo Anime, the heroine will be accompanied by
a cat, cute lil’ mouse, or some disgustingly cute monster, or any kind of animal,
real or fake, that would be found with a hero of the female persuasion. Any animal
that would be associated with guys that is following her around is there because:
1) It’s her boyfriend’s.
2) It is following her, despite her insistence not to do so.
3) It makes her look cool.

#94- Law of The Force- Most Anime heroes are blessed with a unique sort of ability
that enables bad things to happen to those that deserve it or makes things like
bullets or debris totally miss them (Also referred to as "Dumb Luck"), even though
they are mostly unaware of it. Those who have this ability include Vash the
Stampede, Captain Justy Ueki Tylor, and Jar Jar Binks.

#95- Law of Naughty Tentacles- All Anime Tentacles are VERY horny and will rape any
human female, regardless of age ("She’s 18! No! Really, she is! I’m not lying!...")
First Corollary- Even when raped or molested by tentacles, Hentai Anime
girls eventually get into it & begin squealing in ecstasy. NO one knows WHY this is,
but some theorize there may be some kind of chemical that is secreted through the
skin of the tentacle...
Second Corollary- Women who are impregnated by a tentacle creature never
experience morning sickness, and also find it to be intensely pleasurable (Also
known as the Goofy Meter Redline Effect).
Third Corollary- Similarly, the resulting... offspring of tentacle/human
relations is immediately sexually active, often impregnating its own mother again.

#96- Law of Cat-Fighting- Two females with a grudge can and will go at each other,
sometimes ripping off clothes. Sometimes it escalates so much, that property damage
begins to occur.
First Corollary- A running fight can be so destructive, you can follow it
from a distance just by watching for the smoke. (Also known as the "A-ko/B-ko
Thing")

#97- Law of Healing- Most anime heroes have a Wolverine-like healing factor that
enables them to regenerate from a massive wound or broken bone within minutes. Being
immortal sometimes helps. (Also known as the "Priss Effect".)

#98- Law of Stereotype Crew Characteristics- All ships, either waterborne or
spaceborne, have the following crew members:
1) The captain
2) His Lieutenant
3) Various female technical staff
4) A hotshot pilot
5) A cute little girl/twins (either stowaways or not)
6) The Doctor
7) The Doctor’s assistant (either a spy or not)
Weighted among the crew are various quirks which include:
1) Extreme coolness/luck
2) Amazing Intelligence
3) Incredible irritation
4) Extreme cuteness
5) Irresponsible drunkenness
6) Homophobicness
7) Emotionless (Idiots.)

#99- Law of Sparklies- Whenever a character of the main character’s interest
appears, flowers, sparkles, or abstract circles of pastel colors appear around said
character, or both. Roses with exaggerated thorns appear when it is dangerous love.
No one knows why this is, though most have a theory: Anime characters are freaks! At
least, Marker Apenname seems to think so...

#100- Law of Anime Events- Much like wrestling, anything and everything can happen. _FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.

BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food.

FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail.
BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you sayin "DAMN!"were screwed"!

FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.
BEST FRIENDS: Wont tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when your not down anymore.

FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number.
BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial.

FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.
BEST FRIENDS: Loses your stuff and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue."

FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you.
BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...

FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds butt that left you

FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.
BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME."

FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone.
BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell.

A friend helps you when you fall;

a best friend says "Walk much,stupid?"

A friend gives you their umbrella when it rains;

a best friend takes your's and says "RUN, YOU IDIOT, RUN!"

A friend wipes your tears when you're rejected;

a best friend walks up to him and says "It's because you're not interested, isn't it?"

A friend will bail you out of jail;

a best friend will be in the room next to you saying "THAT WAS AWESOME, LETS DO IT AGAIN!!

A good friend helps you when you fall.

A best friend laughs and trips you again.

FRIENDS: Meet your boy/girl friend and say nice to meet you

BESTFRIENDS: Meet your boy/girl friend and scare the hell out of him/her by threatening to break every bone in him/her's body if he/she hurts your bestfriend

FRIENDS: Will say you can do better

BESTFRIENDS: Will call him and say"you have seven days to live"

FRIENDS: Ask why you're crying

BESTFRIENDS:Already have a shovel ready to bury the loser that made you cry

FRIENDS: Will help you move

BESTFRIENDS: Will help you move a dead body

FRIENDS: Will pick out a cute chick-flick to watch with you on movie night

BESTFRIENDS: Will pick out "The Ring" for movie night then scare you and himself/herself in the process

FRIENDS: comfort you when you fight with your boyfriend

BEST FRIENDS: go over to his house and kick his butt

FRIENDS: tell you to forget it when you say you want to vandalize a guy's house

BEST FRIENDS: best friends are the ones getting fined by the police with you

FRIENDS: Think your insane for jumping off a roof onto a trampoline

BEST FRIENDS: Are jumping right after you

FRIENDS: come over every couple of months for a sleepover

BEST FRIENDS: are your weekend boarders

FRIENDS: are offended when you make fun of them

BEST FRIENDS: kick your but and all's forgiven

FRIENDS: are shy around your boyfriend

BEST FRIENDS: will tease him till he blushes redder than a fire engine

FRIENDS: don't see you if you're sick

BEST FRIENDS: are why you're sitting in bed under a blanket with a thermometer, book, and your phone

FRIENDS: call you retarded for running threw bleachers yelling "IT'S PICKLE TIME!"

BEST FRIENDS: are screaming and running with you

Good Friend-Hands you your shoe if it falls off.
Best Friend-Grabs your shoe and runs around the room with it,screaming "Ha, ha, loser!"

Good Friend-Helps you up if you fall down.
Best Friend-Will stand beside you laughing, because they pushed you you over in the first place.

Good Friend-Will rush over right away to comfort you if you're house burns down.
Best Friend-Will be roasting marshmallows over the coals and flirting with the firemen.

Good Friend-Will pay your bail if you're arrested for DUI.
Best Friend-Is sitting in the cell beside you, saying "Great party, huh?"

Good Friend-Will call your parents by their first names.
Best Friend-Will call your parents 'Mom' and 'Dad'.

Good Friend-Knocks on your door and wits for you to answer.
Best Friend-Walks right in and says "Mom, I'm home!"

Good Friend-Acts like a guest at your house.
Best Friend-Raids your refridgerator and makes themselves at home.

Good Friend-Will watch what's already on the TV.
Best Friend-Will wrestle your little brother for the remote.

Good Friend-Waits for you after school if you get detention.
Best Friend-Will get themselves in trouble just to land themselves in detention to keep you company.

Good Friend-Will help you with your chores.
Best Friend-Will stand behind you and say "You missed a spot."

Good Friend-Will lend you money and not expect you to pay them back.
Best Friend-Will lend you money and then charge interest.

Good Friend-Will comfort you if your boyfriend breaks up with you.
Best Friend-Will say "Be right back", go out with a baseball bat, come back at 3:00 in the morning and say "It's all been taken care of."

Good Friend-Will have little "inside jokes" with you.
Best Friend- Will randomly break out laughing because of some "inside joke" you guys had last week.

Good Friend-Will come and get you if you call to say you're lost.
Best Friend-Will call you an idiot for not asking directions.

Good Friend-Will try to talk you out of bungee-jumoing off the Empire State Building.
Best Friend-Will tie the bungee cord themselves and then push you off.

Good Friend-Disagrees if you say words can't hurt you.
Best Friend- Hits you over the head with the dictionary to prove you wrong.

Good Friend-Would give you the last life jacket on a sinking ship.
Best Friend-Would say "I hope you can swim, and if not, I'll really f*ing miss you."

Good Friend-Will ask if you're okay, and when you say "I'm fine" they'll drop it.
Best Friend-Will ask if you're okay, and when you say "i'm fine", they'll look you in the eye and say "Okay, now tell the truth."

Tihs is weird, but intrseting! If you can raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too. Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can. I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed erveylteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! Paste this to your profile if you can read this!