Some facts about me:

I write for pleasure, not for profit.

I greatly appriciate feedback.

I am happy to co-write with people.

I hope you like my stories :)

Quotes:

"I can't pretend to be much of a judge of poetry, I'm an english teacher not a homosexual."- Stephen Fry.

"St. Paul's letter to the Corinthians... Here we go: Don't do bad things, only do good things. Always treat your neighbour like someone who lives near to you. Never put a sock in a toaster. Never put jam on a magnet. Never throw your Granny in a bag. Never suck all the juice out of a vampire. Never lean over on Tuesday?? (takes drag out of joint)"- Eddie Izzard.

"Noel: Dont make me cut the stuffing out of your pillow. Simon: With a pair of scissors made of glitter? Noel: No, with a motorbike made of jealousy"- Noel Fielding and Simon Amstell, never Mind the Buzzcocks.

"I had a really great incident with a homeless bloke the other day... that sounds fairly dodgy."-Russel Howard.

"God dosen't limp."- Hugh Laurie, House MD

Bo Burnham - Shakespeare Rant

William Shakespeare was a verbal cun-tortionist
He could bend his words in the way a contortionist bends his frame without hope that he could with a name like William Shakespeare
William Shakespeare some some of you seem lost look
Say your name was Robert Frost and you couldn't write that would suck
Well I guess you could always go as Bobby Frost and own an ice cream truck
He was balanced like a simile and could stack metaphor five six at a time and rhyme into the very last line of a soliloquy which finally said outright with a previous 77 rolling hinting at
He had puns and quips and tons of trips of sons with ships with nuns with hips and buns and lips but I had something that Shakespeare never had
Penicillin
See it hadn't been invented yet back then they only had "quill"-icillin
Hey it's not that hard bard
I'm sorry I got a bone to pick with you William
So if you could just listen up here and listen to this theater queer's theater query here and maybe act like a real artist for once in your life
Say Van Gogh and
Lend me your ear
You're not a writer
You're a writer like fucking Hulk Hogan's a street fighter
You write these dramas
You accumulate your wealth
You hold nature as to a mirror of yourself
Just because you're messed up doesn't mean we are too
Just because you want to bang your mom doesn't mean Danish princes do what
Who? Yeah Hamlet Shakespeare that's right the young prince whose father died at the hands of his uncle with whom his mother lied sound familiar?
It's the fucking Lion King
You stole from a Disney movie you androgynous douche what's next
The story of a French king on a quest to find his lost son Nemo?
Oh and by the way poetic talent is really easy to fake when thy sentences doth no fucking sense make

RAWR

Napoleon wanted his generals to be lucky. I don't think he would have worked with me
Each bird must sing with his own throat
Waiting for the end, boys, waiting for the end
Games lubricate the body and the mind.
Racing is 99 per cent boredom and 1 per cent terror.
O liberty! O liberty! What crimes are committed in thy name!
Ugliness without tact is horrible
Name me an emperor who was ever struck by a cannonball!
Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis.
Sacred cows make the tastiest hamburger.

Hello Eveybody!

Please feel free to talk to me or leave a review!

NEW STORY!

Finally sitting down to write a proper story.

SO-HO-HOOO...I'm gonna write a Final Fantasy 7 story. I was surprised at the lack of Before Crisis stories at least I couldn't find any. So I want to write some random little stories about the other Turks, Rod, Revolver, Shotgun etc. So I'm open to any requests, if their's a Turk you want a story written about l shall do my best, so please let me know.

The first chapter for Rod's story is up so please read and review etc.

Maire Ruth

This child is a legend! She's my number 1 fan!

This section of my profile is dedicated to Maire-Ruth. Let's hope that someday she might write a story! I will be there with my book of critisim held high...so I can throw it at her head and ask "What the feck kept you?"

She's awesome though, yo. We are currently co-writing a Twilight Fic! Oc and everything..well I'm helping her it's all her ideas and everything.