This made me laugh for at least 5 minutes

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual labels on consumer goods:

On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (that's the only time I have to work on my hair!).

On a bag of Fritos! ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)?

On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how?...)

On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!

On Marks Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought?...)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and.. .I'm taking this because?...)

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?)

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands." (...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity copy and paste this into your profile to spread the stupidity! XD

If you don't believe in God, please read this. You'll understand why people believe in the Lord Almighty.

INTERESTING CONVERSATION

An Atheist Professor of Philosophy speaks to his Class on the Problem Science has with GOD, The ALMIGHTY. He asks one of his New Christian Students to stand and ... . .

Professor : You are a Christian, aren't you, son? Student : Yes, sir. Professor : So you Believe in GOD? Student : Absolutely, sir. Professor : Is GOD Good? Student : Sure. Professor : Is GOD ALL - POWERFUL? Student : Yes. Professor : My Brother died of Cancer even though he Prayed to GOD to Heal him. Most of us would attempt to Help Others who are ill. But GOD didn't. How is this GOD Good then? Hmm?

(Student is silent)

Professor : You can't answer, can you? Let's start again, Young Fella. Is GOD Good? Student : Yes. Professor : Is Satan good ? Student : No. Professor : Where does Satan come from? Student : From . . . GOD . . . Professor : That's right. Tell me son, is there evil in this World? Student : Yes. Professor : Evil is everywhere, isn't it? And GOD did make everything. Correct? Student : Yes. Professor : So who created evil?

(Student does not answer)

Professor : Is there Sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things exist in the World, don't they? Student : Yes, sir. Professor : So, who created them?

(Student has no answer)

Professor : Science says you have 5 Senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Tell me, son . . . Have you ever Seen GOD? Student : No, sir. Professor : Tell us if you have ever Heard your GOD? Student : No , sir. Professor : Have you ever Felt your GOD, Tasted your GOD, Smelt your GOD? Have you ever had any Sensory Perception of GOD for that matter? Student : No, sir. I'm afraid I haven't. Professor : Yet you still believe in HIM? Student : Yes. Professor : According to Empirical, Testable, Demonstrable Protocol, Science says your GOD doesn't exist. What do you say to that, son? Student : Nothing. I only have my Faith. Professor : Yes. Faith. And that is the Problem Science has. Student : Professor, is there such a thing as Heat ? Professor : Yes. Student : And is there such a thing as Cold ? Professor : Yes. Student : No sir. There isn't.

(The Lecture Theatre becomes very quiet with this turn of events)

Student : Sir, you can have Lots of Heat, even More Heat, Superheat, Mega Heat, White Heat, a Little Heat or No Heat. But we don't have anything called Cold. We can hit 458 Degrees below Zero which is No Heat, but we can't go any further after that. There is no such thing as Cold. Cold is only a Word we use to describe the Absence of Heat. We cannot measure Cold. Heat is Energy. Cold is Not the Opposite of Heat, sir, just the Absence of it.

(There is Pin-Drop Silence in the Lecture Theatre)

Student : What about Darkness, Professor? Is there such a thing as Darkness? Professor : Yes. What is Night if there isn't Darkness? Student : You're wrong again, sir. Darkness is the Absence of something. You can have Low Light, Normal Light , Bright Light, Flashing Light . . . But if you have No Light Constantly, you have nothing and it's called Darkness, isn't it? In reality, Darkness isn't. If it is, were you would be able to make Darkness darker, wouldn't you? Professor : So what is the point you are making, Young Man? Student : Sir, my point is your Philosophical Premise is Flawed. Professor : Flawed? Can you explain how? Student : Sir, you are working on the Premise of Duality. You argue there is Life and then there is Death, a Good GOD and a Bad GOD. You are viewing the Concept of GOD as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, Science can't even explain a Thought. It uses Electricity and Magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To view Death as the Opposite of Life is to be ignorant of the fact that Death cannot exist as a Substantive Thing. Death is Not the Opposite of Life : just the Absence of it. Now tell me, Professor, do you Teach your Students that they Evolved from a Monkey? Professor : If you are referring to the Natural Evolutionary Process, yes, of course, I do. Student : Have you ever observed Evolution with your own eyes, sir?

(The Professor shakes his head with a Smile, beginning to realize where the Argument is going)

Student : Since no one has ever observed the Process of Evolution at work and cannot even prove that this Process is an On - Going Endeavor, are you not Teaching your Opinion, sir? Are you not a Scientist but a Preacher?

(The Class is in Uproar)

Student : Is there anyone in the Class who has ever Seen the Professor's Brain?

(The Class breaks out into Laughter)

Student : Is there anyone here who has ever Heard the Professor's Brain, Felt it, Touched or Smelt it? . . .. No one appears to have done so. So, according to the Established Rules of Empirical, Stable, Demonstrable Protocol, Science says that you have No Brain, sir. With all due respect, sir, how do we then Trust your Lectures, sir?

(The Room is Silent. The Professor stares at the Student, his face unfathomable)

Professor : I guess you'll have to take them on Faith, son... Student : That is it sir . . . the Link between Man GOD is FAITH. That is all that Keeps Things Moving Alive.

It turned out later that the student is Albert Einstein.

Don't be afraid to speak out when you are discriminated, judged according to race, abused, and insulted. If you get into a fist fight and lose, you'll still be famous. and you have Albert Einstein on your side.

Diamonds are a girl’s best friend...because they're sharper then knives.

ADOST: Attention Deficit-Ohh Shiny Thing

Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.

God made men first, then he had a better idea!

Women are angels. When someone breaks our wings, we continue flying...on broomsticks.

Relax. Nothing is ok.

Just say no to drugs. Because if your drugs are talking to you, you've probably had too many.

Never do anything you don't want to explain to the paramedics.

You know it's going to be a bad day when you fall out of bed and miss the floor.

Two wrongs don't make a right, but three rights make a left.

If you can stay calm when everything around you is complete chaos, you probably haven't fully understood the situation.

We're not retreating! We're advancing in a different direction!

I was going to take over the world but I got distracted by something sparkly.

Some say the glass is half full, some say the glass is half empty. I say “Are you gonna drink that?"

I'm going on a quest, to the deepest, darkest corners of my room, in search of what some would call a "floor" - a long and difficult task awaits me my friends, wish me luck, for I may not return alive.

Whoever said "words don't hurt" have obviously never had a hard-backed encyclopedia hurled at their head.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

Robbers stab you in the stomach. Boyfriends stab you in the heart. Friends stab you in the back. Best friends poke you with straws.

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.

Its always in the last place you look...of course it is, why the heck would you keep looking after I found it?

Your laughing now because your older than me by mere months, but when you 30 and I'm still 29, who will be laughing then?

LIfe Lessons

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION. "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3 . My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC. "Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught t me IRONY. "Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. "Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA. "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. "If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. "Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY. "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION . "Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. "You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP. "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR. "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS. "You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. "Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM. "When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE. "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

I'm that girl

The one that likes books more than boys.

The one who pretends not to be sad, just to make others happy

The one who always wonders what she did wrong

The one who writes to escape

The one who just wants to help

The one that really wants to make a difference

The one that sticks to her values

The one that refuses to believe that this is it

The one that will do anything to make a better tomorrow

The one who won't give in

The one won't give up

When u carry a Bible, the devil gets a headache.

When u open it, he collapses.

When he see's u reading it, he faints.

When he see's u living it, he flees.

And just when your about 2 re-post this, he will try discourage u.

I just defeated him. Like, Copy, Paste this if your in God's Army :)

You Know You Are a 90’s Kid When...1. You've ever ended a sentence with the word "PSYCHE!"2. You still get the urge to say "NOT" after (almost) every sentence . . . not3. You remember when it was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons.4. When you settled everything by rock paper scissors or bubble gum bubble gum in a dish or eeny meeny miney mo.5. You always wanted to send in a tape to America's Funniest Home Videos . . . but never taped anything funny.6. You remember watching Home Alone 1, 2 , and 3 . . . and tried to pull the pranks on "intruders"7. You remember watching The Magic School Bus, Wishbone, and Reading Rainbow on PBS.8. You remember when Yo-Yos were cool.9. You remember Ring Pops.10. You remember drinking Tang.11. If you remember when every thing was "da BOMB!"12. When they made the new lunchables so that you could make pizza AND tacos.13. You remember boom boxes vs. cd players.14. You rember when Tamagotchi, GigaPet, and Nano were all that.15. Making those little paper cootie-catcher things, and then predicting your life with them.16. Saved By The Bell was the coolest show ever!17. You watched the original cartoons of Rugrats, Power Rangers, and Ninja Turtles.18. Michael Jordan was a king.19. You remember when the new Beanie Babies and Talking Elmo were always sold out.20. You collected those Beanie Babies.21. YIKES pencils and erasers were the stuff!22. Carebears23. The old dollar bills.24. Silver dollars, which were cool to have.25. You know the Macarena by heart.26. "Talk to the hand" . . . enough said27. You always said, "Then why don't you marry it?!"28. You remember trying to collect all 150 original pokemon cards but never could and if you did you thought you were all that!29. You remember Highlight's magazine.30. You went to McDonald's/Burger King to play in the playplace.31. You remember playing on merry go rounds at the playground.32. Before the MySpace frenzy . . .33. Before the Internet text messaging . . .34. Before Sidekicks iPods . . .36. Before PlayStation2 or X-BOX . . .37. When light up sneakers were cool.38. When you rented VHS tapes, not DVDs.39. When gas was 0.95 a gallon Caller ID was the new thing.40. When we recorded stuff on VCRs.41. When gameboy was a brick.42. Before we realized all this would eventually disappear.Who would have thought you'd miss the 90's so much!?Post this in your profile if you remember these days . . . Or if you smiled at one of these things

Month one

MommyI am only 8 inches longbut I have all my organs.I love the sound of your voice.Every time I hear itI wave my arms and legs.The sound of your heart beatis my favorite lullaby.

Month Two

Mommytoday I learned how to suck my thumb.If you could see meyou could definitely tell that I am a baby.I'm not big enough to survive outside my home though.It is so nice and warm in here.

Month Three

You know what MommyI'm a boy!I hope that makes you happy.I always want you to be happy.I don't like it when you cry.You sound so sad.It makes me sad tooand I cry with you even thoughyou can't hear me.

Month Four

Mommymy hair is starting to grow.It is very short and finebut I will have a lot of it.I spend a lot of my time exercising.I can turn my head and curl my fingers and toesand stretch my arms and legs.I am becoming quite good at it too.

Month Five

You went to the doctor today.Mommy, he lied to you.He said that I'm not a baby.I am a baby Mommy, your baby.I think and feel.Mommy, what's abortion?

Month Six

I can hear that doctor again.I don't like him.He seems cold and heartless.Something is intruding my home.The doctor called it a needle.Mommy what is it? It burns!Please make him stop!I can't get away from it!Mommy! HELP me!

Month Seven

MommyI am okay.I am in Jesus's arms.He is holding me.He told me about abortion.Why didn't you want me Mommy?

Every Abortion Is Just . . .

One more heart that was stopped.Two more eyes that will never see.Two more hands that will never touch.Two more legs that will never run.One more mouth that will never speak.

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26

Then:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K

8118423151811= 98 percent

and

K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E

11141523125475= 96 percent

but

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E

120209202145 =100 percent

and,

B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T

2211212198920= 103 percent

and look how far this one will take you,

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G

1191911919199147= 118 percent!

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that while HARDWORK and KNOWLEDGE will get you close, and ATTITUDE will get you there, its really the BULLSHIT and ASSKISSING that will put you over the top.