When a girl is quiet, a million things are running through her mind.

When a girl is not arguing, she is thinking deeply.

When a girl looks at you with her eyes full of question, she is wondering how long you will be around.

When a girl answers "I'm fine." after a few seconds, she is not fine at all.

When a girl stares at you, she is wondering why you are lying.

When a girl rests her head on your chest, she is wishing for you to be her's forever.

When a girl wants to see you everyday, she wants to be pampered.

When a girl says "I love you." she means it.

When a girl says "I miss you." nobody could miss you more than that.

Life only comes around once, so make sure you spend it with the right person.

Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, and calls you back when you hang up on him.

The guy who will stay awake just to watch you sleep.

Wait for the guy who kisses your forehead,

Who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats.

The one who holds your hand in front of his friends and is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you there for him.

The one who turns to his friends and declares "That's her."

If you read this, you have to repost it, guy or girl, or you will have bad luck for the rest of your life.

If you repost this, in five minutes your true love will call or message you.

Tonight at midnight, they will realize that they love you.

Something good will happen at approximately 1:42 pm tomorrow, and it could happen anywhere.

So get ready for the biggest shock of your life.

NORMAL PEOPLE: rely on their local weatherman for the weather forecast PJO FANS:will tell Zeus to make it rain

NORMAL PEOPLE: say OMG! PJO FANS: say OH MY GODS!

NORMAL PEOPLE: go to a psychiatrist to tell their feelings PJO FANS:won't go to one because they will take away their awesome demigod powers

NORMAL PEOPLE: say shut up or I'll tell on you! PJO FANS: say shut up or my godly parent will vaporize you!

NORMAL PEOPLE: think that PJO fans are stupid PJO FANS: know that normal people are stupid

NORMAL PEOPLE: when being chased yell HELP ME SOMEBODY! PJO FANS: when being chased use their awesome demigod powers

NORMAL PEOPLE: get nervous/scared during thunderstorms PJO FANS: yell at Zeus to calm the fuck down

NORMAL PEOPLE: would choose somewhere sunny to go for vacation PJO FANS: would try and find Camp Half Blood

NORMAL PEOPLE:don't have this on their profile PJO FANS: MUST have this on their profile!

Ninety-eight percent of teenagers have tried smoking pot. If you're one of the two percent who hasn't, copy this and paste it in your profile.

Ninety-two percent of the teenage population would die if Abercrombie&Fitch said that it wasn't cool to breathe anymore. Put this in your profile if you're part of the eight percent that would be laughing your ass off.

Many writers don't know the difference between 'your' and 'you're.' If you do understand it, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you like to read people's profiles when you're bored, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you know our society is moving in the wrong direction, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you realize that copying and pasting things into your profile is pointless (but fun), and you do it anyways, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have the most RANDOM dreams, copy this.

If you are aware that so many people nowadays pretend to be someone they're not, copy this on your profile.

If you have ever changed your password on something and forgotten it, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever gotten so completely sidetracked in a conversation that you don't remember why you were talking in the first place, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever thought about something when you were talking about something else, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vice versa, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you read multiple books at the same time, copy and paste this into your profile

If you have ever spent more than six hours straight on the computer, then copy and paste this into your profile.

If your profile is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer.

If you have weird friends, copy this into your profile.

If YOU are weird, please copy this into your profile.

If you have ever slapped yourself on the head and/or banged your head on a table for no reason, put this on your profile

Dear bullies,

See that boy doing his homework in homeroom? Last night he Talked His friend out of suicide.

See that girl you just called fat? She is starving herself.

See that old man you made fun of cause of the ugly scars? He fought for our country.

See that young boy you must made fun of for always being sick? He has to walk home in the snow cause his family is too poor.

Re-Post this if u r against bullying. I bet 95% of u won't.

Your life would probably not be as harsh as theirs.

A black man walks into a cafe one early morning and noticed that he was the only black man there. As he sat down, he noticed a white man behind him.
The white man said, "Coloured people are not allowed here."
The black man turned around and stood up. He then said:
"When I was born I was black,"
"When I grew up I was black,"
"When I'm sick I'm black,"
"When I go in the sun I'm black,"
"When I'm cold I'm black,"
"When I die I'll be black."
"But you sir..."
"When you're born you're pink,"
"When you grow up you're white,"
"When you're sick, you're green,"
"When you go in the sun you turn red,"
"When you're cold you turn blue,"
"And when you die you turn purple."
"And yet you have the nerve to call me coloured"
The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away...
Copy this onto your site and help stop racism!arty, Mom, I remembered what you said.

You told me not to drink, Mom, so I drank soda instead

I really felt proud inside, Mom, the way you said I would.

I didn't drink and drive, Mom, even though the others said I should.

I know I did the right thing, Mom, I know you are always right.

Now the party is finally ending

Mom, as everyone is driving out of sight.

As I got into my car, Mom, I knew I'd get home in one piece.

Because of the way you raised me, so responsible and sweet.

I started to drive away, Mom, but as I pulled out into the road,

the other car didn't see me, Mom, and hit me like a load.

As I lay there on the pavement, Mom, I hear the policeman say,

the other guy is drunk, Mom, and now I'm the one who will pay.

I'm lying here dying, Mom.. I wish you'd get here soon.

How could this happen to me, Mom? My life just burst like a balloon.

There is blood all around me, Mom, and most of it is mine.

I hear the medic say, Mom, I'll die in a short time.

I just wanted to tell you, Mom, I swear I didn't drink.

It was the others, Mom. The others didn't think.

He was probably at the same party as I.

The only difference is, he drank and I will die.

Why do people drink, Mom? It can ruin your whole life.

I'm feeling sharp pains now. Pains just like a knife.

The guy who hit me is walking, Mom, and I don't think it's fair.

I'm lying here dying and all he can do is stare.

Tell my brother not to cry, Mom. Tell Daddy to be brave.

And when I go to heaven, Mom, put "Daddy's Girl" on my grave.

Someone should have told him, Mom, not to drink and drive.

If only they had told him, Mom, I would still be alive.

My breath is getting shorter, Mom. I'm becoming very scared.

Please don't cry for me, Mom. When I needed you, you were always there.

I have one last question, Mom, before I say good bye.

I didn't drink and drive, so why am I the one to die?

Copy and paste this on your profile if you think drunk driving should stop.

If Justin Bieber was about to jump off a cliff, 80% of people would be crying their eyes out and screaming "DON'T DO IT!!!" But I would be a part of the other 20% that would be screaming and jumping on the couch with excitement with a bowl of chips at hand saying "JUMP JUMP JUMP!!!" Copy and paste this onto your profile if you are that 20%

Really Dumb Store labels:

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (too late )

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (thank you captain obvious . . .)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (no comment . . .)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (Oh yeah because many kids are driving cars and operating machinery these days . . .)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (Isn't that kinda the point??)

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (As opposed to what?)

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (okay that made me curious, what other use??)

On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (captain obvious has returned!!)

On artificial bacon: "Real artificial bacon bits". (because they don't want to give us the fake bacon, they want to give us the real fake bacon :P)

On Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.

(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.

(The shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap.

(as opposed to what?)

On some Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost.

(But it's 'just' a suggestion!)

On a Korean kitchen knife: Warning: keep out of children.

(because it somehow always end up inside the children right?..)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.

(somebody got paid big bucks to write this one..)

On a Swedish chainsaw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.

(Raise your hand if you've tried this.)

On a child's Superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.

(Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief.)

Put this in your profile

if you love to laugh!

You Know You're a Book Nerd If:

You can randomly open to a page and know exactly what's going on.

You stay up to read a book until 4 A.M., then get back up at 7 to continue reading.

Just about everything you do revolves around reading. If you're not reading, you're probably on fanfiction.net, drawing fan art, etc.

You try to get all of your friends to read your favorite books.

Everything reminds you of the book. (EVERYTHING)

You quote random lines all the time. (ALL THE TIME.)

You try to do things that the characters do, even though you know you can't.

You've gotten incredibly bored in class, and debated on doing something your favorite character can do to escape the class.

You have pictures of your favorite characters on your computer.

You've got a book memorized.

You've read a specific book more than five times.

You've read a book with 400 pages in less than two days.

You've planned and prepared a siege on a writer's house because he/she killed a character you like.

You blatantly deny it when someone calls a character fictional.

IF YOU ARE A BOOK NERD AND PROUD OF IT, COPY AND PASTE ONTO YOUR PROFILE!!!!!!

I was walking around in a Target store, when I saw a cashier hand this little boy some money back. The boy couldn't have been more than 5 or 6 years old. The cashier said, "I'm sorry, but you don't have enough money to buy this doll."

Then the little boy turned to the old woman next to him: ''Granny, are you sure I don't have enough money?''

The old lady replied: ''You know that you don't have enough money to buy this doll, my dear.'' Then she asked him to stay there for just 5 minutes while she went to look a round. She left quickly. The little boy was still holding the doll in his hand. Finally, I walked toward him and I asked him who he wished to give this doll to.

"It's the doll that my sister loved most and wanted so much for Christmas. She was sure that Santa Claus would bring it to her."

I replied to him that maybe Santa Claus would bring it to her after all, and not to worry.

But he replied to me sadly. "No, Santa Claus can't bring it to her where she is now. I have to give the doll to my mommy so that she can give it to my sister when she goes there." His eyes were so sad while saying this. "My sister has gone to be with God. Daddy says that Mommy is going to see God very soon too, so I thought that she could take the doll with her to give it to my sister.''

My heart nearly stopped.

The little boy looked up at me and said: "I told daddy to tell mommy not to go yet. I need her to wait until I come back from the mall." Then he showed me a very nice photo of him where he was laughing. He then told me "I want mommy to take my picture with her so she won't forget me. I love my mommy and I wish she doesn't have to leave me, but daddy says that she has to go to be with my little sister." Then he looked again at the doll with sad eyes, very quietly.

I quickly reached for my wallet and said to the boy. "Suppose we check again, just in case you do have enough money for the doll?''

"OK," he said, "I hope I do have enough." I added some of my money to his without him seeing and we started to count it. There was enough for the doll and even some spare money. The little boy said: "Thank you God for giving me enough money!" Then he looked at me and added, "I asked last night before I went to sleep for God to make sure I had enough money to buy this doll, so that mommy could give it to my sister. He heard me! I also wanted to have enough money to buy a white rose for my mommy, but I didn't dare to ask God for too much. But He gave me enough to buy the doll and a white rose. My mommy loves white roses." A few minutes later, the old lady returned and I left with my basket. I finished my shopping in a totally different state from when I started. I couldn't get the little boy out of my mind. Then I remembered a local newspaper article two days ago, which mentioned a drunk man in a truck, who hit a car occupied by a young woman and a little girl. The little girl died right away, and the mother was left in a critical state. The family had to decide whether to pull the plug on the life-sustaining machine, because the young woman would not be able to recover from the coma. Was this the family of the little boy? Two days after this encounter with the little boy, I read in the newspaper that the young woman had passed away. I couldn't stop myself as I bought a bunch of white roses and I went to the funeral home where the body of the young woman was exposed for people to see and make last wishes before her burial. She was there, in her coffin, holding a beautiful white rose in her hand with the photo of the little boy and the doll placed over her chest. I left the place, teary-eyed, feeling that my life had been changed forever.. The love that the little boy had for his mother and his sister is still, to this day, hard to imagine. And in a fraction of a second, a drunk driver had taken all this away from him.

This is freaky as anything...DO NOT CHEAT (You'll kick yourself later.) I was a little skeptical trying this, but if you follow the instructions you'll be surprised! We'll see tomorrow if the wish comes true. Some of the things are freakily true, but if you sit down and think about it, most of the answers are right because the way the questions are set up. The human mind of everyone, really, it works in similar ways.

Take 3 minutes and try this...it will freak you out...BUT NO CHEATING!

This game has a funny/spooky outcome.

Don't read ahead...just do it in order! It's worth a try.

First..get a pen and paper. When you actually choose names, make sure it's people you actually know and go with your first instinct.

Scroll down one line at a time...and don't read ahead or you'll ruin it!

1. First, write the numbers 1 through 11 in a column.

2. Then, beside numbers 1 and 2, write down any two numbers you want.

3. Beside the 3 and 7, write down the names of members of the opposite sex.

4. Write anyone's name (like friends or family...) in the 4th, 5th, and 6th spots.

5. Write down four song titles in 8,9,10, and 11. (Go with your instincts!)

6. Finally, make a wish.

And now the key for the game...

1. You must tell (the number in space 2) people about this game.

2. The person in space 3 is the one that you love.

3. The person in 7 is one you like but can't work out.

4. You care most about the person you put in 4.

5. The person you name in number 5 is the one who knows you very well.

6. The person you name in 6 is your lucky star.

7. The song in 8 is the song that matches with the person in number 3.

8. The title in 9 is the song for the person in 7.

9. The tenth space is the song that tells you most about YOUR mind.

10. 11 is the song telling you how you feel about life

NOW...post this bulletin (don't reply) within the hour. IF you do, your wish will come true...

1. Name of a person of the opposite gender.

2. Which is the best: red, black, green, blue, or yellow?

3. Your first initial?

4. Your month of birth?

5. Which is cooler, black or white?

6. Name a person of your same gender.

7. What's your favorite number?

8. Do you like California or Florida more?

9. Which is prettier, lakes or oceans?

10. What is your wish?

Right down the answers to these and then look at the answers.

Done with that?

Here are the answers:

1. You are in love with this person.

2. If you chose:

Red: You are alert and your life is full of love.

Black: You are conservative and aggressive.

Blue: You are spontaneous and enjoy kisses and affection from the ones you love.

Green: Your soul is laid back and you are reserved.

Yellow: You are a happy person and give good advice for those who are down.

3. If your initial is:

A-K: You have lots of love and friendship in your life.

L-R: You try to enjoy life to the maximum and your love life will soon blossom.

S-Z: You are a good friend and your future love life look very good.

4. If you were born in:

Jan.-Mar.: This year will go well for you and very soon you will fall in love with someone you would have least expected.

Apr.-June: You will have a strong love relationship that will not last long but the memories will last forever.

July-Sept.: You will have a good year and experience a major life changing experience for the good.

Oct.-Dec.: Your love life will not be too great, but you will eventually find your soulmate.

5. If you chose:

Black: Your life will take on a different direction, it will seem hard at the time but will be the best thing for you, and you will like the change.

White: You will have a friend who completley confides in you and would do anything for you, but you may not realize it.

6. This person is your best friend.

7. This is how many close friends you will have in a lifetime.

8. If you chose:

California: You love adventure.

Florida: You are a laid back person.

9. If you chose:

Lake: You are loyal to your friends and your love. You are reserved.

Ocean: You are spontaneous and like to please people.

10. This wish will come true only if you RE-POST THIS BULLETIN in one hour and it will become true before your next birthday

WHY BOYS SHOULDN'T CHEAT

There was once a girl named Ashley who had a boyfriend named Jack.

Jack was the most popular guy in school.

The three most popular girls were Courtney, ASHLEY, and Emma.

Jack thought of Ashley as OKAY, but he REALLY liked Courtney.

Courtney liked jack also.

Well, of course she did, everyone did!

Ashley and Courtney were worst enemies.

Courtney tried to steal Jack away every time she had a chance to.

One day, Courtney asked Jack if he wanted to go to the movies.

Ashley heard everything...what movie theater and what time.

Ashley approached the movies that night and followed Jack and Courtney.

Ashley sat right behind them.

She watched them get close to each other and kiss...not only kiss, but practically get it on in the theater.

Courtney told Jack: "Do you want to come to my place and skip this boring movie?" He replied": "Hell, yes."

Ashley had peeked through Courtney's window.

Jack and her were messing around and Ashley watched the whole thing.

The next day at school Ashley wasn't there.

For the next few days Ashley wasn't there.

A week later her mother found her in her closet dead...she committed suicide because she had loved Jack so much.

Next to Ashley's dead body was a note.

A note that read: My dearest Jack, I watched you at the movie and at Courtney's house and I will continue to watch you.

I never thought you would do something like this to me.

I really loved you, Jack.

I died for you just like Jesus died for us.

Always with you, Ashley.

Please forward this or Ashley will haunt you and try to kill you because she wants everyone to know about Courtney

Can you raed tihs? I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg.The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. If you can raed tihs cpoy and ptsae tihs itno yuor pirlofe and add yuor nmae in mxeid from. DrakKyrpitd, Sahdo-cahn, hteunr415, LasiAobina15, Marooo, DivergentDemigodWizard46, Star girl5679

[ ] You have screamed at an inanimate object for "hurting you".

] You have ran into a glass/screen door.

[ ] You have jumped out of a moving vehicle.

[X] You have thought of something funny and laughed, and then people gave you weird looks.

] You have run into a tree/bush.

[ ] You have been called a blonde. (I have black hair does that even apply?)

So far: 1

[X] You know that it IS possible to lick your elbow.

[X] You just tried to lick your elbow.

[X] You never knew that the Alphabet and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star had the same melody. (Until today)

[X] You just sang them to make sure.

[X] You have tripped on your own feet and fallen.

[ ] You have choked on your own spit.

so far: 6

[ ] You have seen the Matrix and still don't get it.

[X] You type with three fingers or less.

[ ] You have accidentally caught something on fire.

[ ] You tried to drink out of a straw, but it went into your nose.

[X] You have caught yourself drooling.

so far: 8

[ ] You have fallen asleep in class.

[X] Sometimes you just stop thinking.

[X] Sometimes when you are telling a story you forget what you are talking about.

[ ] People often shake their heads and walk away from you.

[X ] You are often told to use your 'inside voice'.

so far: 11

[ ] You use your fingers to do simple math.

[ ] You have eaten a bug accidentally. (Does PURPOSEFULLY eating one count too?)

[X] You are taking this test when you should be doing something more important.

[X] You have put your clothes on backwards or inside out, and didn't realize it.

[X] You've looked all over for something and realized it was in your hand/pocket the whole time.

so far: 14

[ ] You have posted bulletins because you are scared that what they say will happen if you don't. (Do lists count?)

[X] You break a lot of things.

[ ] You tilt your head when you're confused.

[X] You have fallen out of your chair before.

[ ] When you're lying in bed, you try to find pictures in the texture on the ceiling.

so far: 16

[X] The word "um" is used frequently.

[X] You don't know what "um" means.

[X] You say "what" and "huh" a lot.

[ ] You plan to use a calculator to multiply your score for this bulletin.

Total: 19

Now you multiply it by 3 for your score.

And write as your journal title "I am _% Insane "

I am 57% Insane. (Do not make disgusting jokes about this number, I'm watching you. -_-)

HE: Can I buy you a drink?

SHE: Actually, I'd rather have the money.

HE: I'm a photographer. I've been looking for a face like yours.

SHE: I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours.

HE: Hi. Didn't we go on a date once? Or was it twice?

SHE: Must've been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

HE: How did you get to be so beautiful?

SHE: I must've been given your share.

HE: Will you go out with me this Saturday?

SHE: Sorry. I'm having a headache this weekend.

HE: Your face must turn a few heads.

SHE: And your face must turn a few stomachs.

HE: Go on, don't be shy. Ask me out.

SHE: Okay, get out.

HE: I think I could make you very happy.

SHE: Why? Are you leaving?

HE: What would you say if I asked you to marry me?

SHE: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time.

HE: Can I have your name?

SHE: Why? Don't you already have one?

HE: Shall we go see a movie?

SHE: I've already seen it.

HE: Where have you been all my life?

SHE: Hiding from you.

HE: Haven't I seen you some place before?

SHE: Yes. That's why I don't go there anymore.

HE: Is this seat empty?

SHE: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

HE: So, what do you do for a living?

SHE: I'm a female impersonator.

HE: Hey baby, what's your sign?

SHE: Do not enter.

HE: Your body is like a temple.

SHE: Sorry, there are no services today.

HE: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.

SHE: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing

HE: Where have you been all my life?

SHE: Where I'll be the rest of your life: in your wildest dreams.

HE: Your place or mine?

SHE: Both, you go to yours and I'll go to mine.

HE: Does beauty run in your family?

SHE: Well it obviously doesn't run in yours

HE: I can see forever in your eyes.

SHE: But all I can see is never in yours.

HE: I looked up beatiful today in the thesaurus and your name was included.

SHE: Thanks! I saw your name next to jerk.

HE: You're like a dream.

SHE: Go back to sleep.

HE: What do I have to give you for one little kiss?

SHE: Chloroform.

HE: I want to give myself to you.

SHE: Sorry, but I don't accept cheap gifts.

HE: Do you believe in love at first sight or do you want me to walk by again?

SHE: Yeah, but this time, don't stop.

HE: I think you're th best looking girl here.

SHE: Really? Well, I'd better go find the best looking guy then.

HE: Can I buy you a drink?

SHE: Sure, but only if you buy my girlfriend one too

95 percent of teens would cry if they saw Miley Cyrus or Hannah Montana at the top of a skyscraper about to jump. Copy and paste this EVERYWHERE if you are in the 5 percent that would shout "Jump already!"

92% of the teenage population would be dead if the Jonas Brothers decided breathing wasn't cool. Put this on your signature if you would be one of the 8% laughing hysterically in the background!!!

'Calling me FAKE won't make you REAL,

Calling me STUPID won't make you SMART,

Calling me WEAK won't make you STRONG,

Calling me UGLY won't make you PRETTY,

Calling me POOR won't make you RICH,

Calling me FAT wont make you THIN,

Calling me UNCOOL wont make you COOL,

So why bother?'

TRUE STORY

A teenage girl about 17 named Diane had gone to visit some friends one evening and time passed quickly as each shared their various experiences of the past year. She ended up staying longer than planned, and had to walk home alone. She wasn't afraid because it was a small town and she lived only a few blocks away.

As she walked along under the tall elm trees, Diane asked God to keep her safe from harm and danger. When she reached the alley, which was a short cut to her house, she decided to take it. However, halfway down the alley she noticed a man standing at the end as though he were waiting for her. She became uneasy and began to pray, asking for God's protection. Instantly a comforting feeling of quietness and security wrapped round her, she felt as though someone was walking with her. When she reached the end of the alley, she walked right past the man and arrived home safely.

The following day, she read in the newspaper that a young girl had been raped in the same alley just twenty minutes after she had been there. Feeling overwhelmed by this tragedy and the fact that it could have been her, she began to weep. Thanking the Lord for her safety and to help this young woman, she decided to go to the police station. She felt she could recognize the man, so she told them her story. The police asked her if she would be willing to look at a lineup to see if she could identify him. She agreed and immediately pointed out the man she had seen in the alley the night before. When the man was told he had been identified, he immediately broke down and confessed. The officer thanked Diane for her bravery and asked if there was anything they could do for her. She asked if they would ask the man one question. Diane was curious as to why he had not attacked her. When the policeman asked him, he answered, "Because she wasn't alone. She had two tall men walking on either side of her." Amazingly, whether you believe or not, you're never alone. Did you know that 98 of teenagers will not stand up for God, and 93 of the people that read this won't repost it?

Repost this if you truly believe in God.

PS: God is always there in your heart and loves you no matter what, and if you stand up for him he will stand up for you.

If you believe in Jesus Christ put this in your profile and don't just ignore this, because in the Bible it says if you deny me, I will deny you in front of my Father in the gates of Heaven.

The 6 Truths of Life

1. You can't lick all your teeth with your tongue

2.You just tried to do the above

3.The first one is a lie

4.You're smiling right now because you're realizing you're an idiot

5.You are going to post this on your page for some other sucker to read it

6.You're smiling like an idiot right now

Things to ponder...

Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?

Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"? W

hy is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?

So what's the speed of dark?

How come abbreviated is such a long word?

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station..

How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there?

Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?

Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?

Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?

Wouldn't it be smart to make the sticky stuff on envelopes taste like chocolate?

Why are the commercials for cable companies on cable but not on regular television? Don't they want the people without cable to buy the cable?

Things You Do NOT Wanna Hear On An Airplane Intercom:

1. This is your captain speaking and I don't feel that life is worth living anymore

2. We're cruising at an altitude of... Ah hell I don't know

3. Could somebody come up here and tell me what this button does?

4. AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Just kidding.

5. Would the fight attendant bring me a martini? And keep 'em comin'

6. This is... uh... This is... uh... your... Hmm, I seem to have lost my memory...

7. Passengers on the left side of the plane -- does that engine sound funny to you?

8. Good God Steve! We’re going to crash! Oops -- is this intercom on?

9. We'll be on the ground in ten minutes. One way or another...

10. This is your captain speaking: I'm depressed, suicidal, and I'm taking you all with me. By the way, I've already killed the co-captain.

If you find yourself reading fanfiction more then you write, add your name then copy and paste this to your profile: TeenageCrisis, Kirathis-Chan, Spazz8884, xXxJaycee81196xXx, Ino Y. Uchiha, RokuShion-number-1-fan, sonicdisney, Roxanna123, The Utterly Fabulous Z, Milk Of Awesomeness,star girl5679

funny Quotes:

It's OK to prick your finger, just don't finger your prick. (this one is so dirty. )

I am not going back in the closet. Too cramped, and the skeletons aren't much company - even with the huge collection my family has!

of all objects, batteries are the worst of all...objects can break but be fixed...batteries DIE!

"I am never late...so time better slow the fuck down!"

"Ow"--whats wrong--"i swear someone just snacked on my ankle"

"You think he'd notice if we turned his cat pink?"

"You better not pout, you better not cry, hey guess what I'm telling you why, Santa Claus is Dead."

"They always say that a murderer is a loner; Well of course he is a loner! HE HAS BEEN KILLING PEOPLE!!"

"Absolutely NO ONE is too refined to tell you where to shove it, pal!"

"You can't fight the fangirls! - JUST LET ME KILL THE ANNOYING ONES!! Aww, you should be so happy you have any!!"

I'm a compulsive liar, honest!

I want a jacket that lets me hug myself.

Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.

Please don't interrupt me while I’m ignoring you.

There is no such thing as a stupid question, just stupid people who ask questions.

"Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups."

"You have a right to your opinions. I just don't want to hear them."

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

When life gives you lemons...

When life gives you lemons, throw them back at life and say, "Give me chocolate!"

When life gives you lemons, throw them back at life until life falls down.

When life gives you lemons, squirt lemon juice at people you don't like.

When life gives you lemons, demand to speak with life about their ripeness.

understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that crap up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you.

I was going to take over the world, but I got distracted by something sparkly

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving isn't for you.

I wondered why the Frisbee was getting bigger, then it hit me.

Even if the voices aren't real, they have some good ideas.

Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.

When in doubt, push random buttons!

There's always a light at the end of the tunnel. Of course, it's usually an oncoming express train.

There are three kinds of people. Those who learn by reading, a few who learn by observation, and the rest who have to test the electric fence for themselves.

They say guns don't kill people; people do. Well, I think guns help. I mean, if you just stood there and yelled 'BANG!' I don't think you'd kill many people...

The secret to success is sincerity. Once you can fake that you’re good.

The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not.

We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the police.

If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk.

Hate is just a special kind of love we give to people who suck.

Stupid people are like slinkies. They seem to have no purpose, but they still bring you a smile when you push them down the stairs.

Keep smiling; it makes people wonder what you're up to.

Love your enemies. It gets them really confused.

I wish you were here.. In my room... On my bed... The lights are off... We go under the blankets... AND I SHOW YOU MY NEW WATCH THAT GLOWS IN THE DARK!!... What on earth were you thinking?! YOU PERVERT!! X3

Isn't it funny how the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning 'many' in Latin, and 'tics' as in 'bloodsucking creatures'?

Who's the fool who said "nothing's impossible"? They never tried slamming a revolving door...

Love is giving someone the power to destroy you, but trusting them not to.

"Are we fighting?" "No, if we were fighting, you'd be on the floor, bleeding."

boys are like purses, cute, full of crap, and easy to replace.

A day without sunshine is like... night.

"Go forth and set the world on fire." screw the metaphorical, literal all the way

It's always the last place you look...of course it is, why the hell would I keep looking after I found it?

I'd rather be hated for who I am than be loved for who I'm not.

You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.

I agree with the dictionary. Girls before guys, partying before studying, and friends before love.

I’m not clumsy…the floor just hates me.

I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow's not looking good either.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away. If the doctor's cute, screw the fruit.

Come to the dark side. We have COOKIES!

I smile because I have no idea what's going on!

Why is it when we talk to God we are praying, but when God talks to us we are put into the loony bin?

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

I'm not insane... i just do whatever the voices tell me to.

The dinosaurs extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide.

Normal is just a setting on washing machines.

I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.

"I didn't lie! I just created fiction with my mouth! "

Dear girl talking about how "that stupid deaf retard will never get a girlfriend",

He may not be able to hear you, but I can.

Sincerely, his girlfriend- who's about to punch your face in.

Dear cat,

Please tell me how when we were both locked out you were still able to get back in the house.

Sincerely, we don't even have a cat door

Dear people giving me judging stares,

Yes I am 14 with 1 year old twins, I support myself by whoring around on street corners and make all of my purchases at dollar stores and walmart

Sincerely, just kidding I'm babysitting

Dear purple crayon,

Why must you look EXACTLY like the blue crayon?

Sincerely, my ocean is now purple

Dear girl in my biology class,

Yes, I'm pale. Yes, I have above average grades. Yes, I occasionally miss school. Yes, I rarely speak. No, I am not a damn vampire!

Sincerely, I hate this generation.
Dear parents,

So Santa has the same wrapping paper as us, the same handwriting as you, and an elf named China that makes most of the toys?

Sincerely, seems legit...

Dear world ,

Why do you only blame girls?

Sincerely, it takes two to get pregnant

Dear parent giving me a dirty look because their six year old saw me making out with my boyfriend in the movie theater,

Well, maybe you shouldn't have brought them to an R-rated movie in the first place...

Sincerely, I cannot have possibly scarred him as much as Paranormal Activity 3.

Dear one-year-old brother,

You are staring right at me. I can see you taking that chocolate chip cookie. Yes, even though you are slowly backing away, I can still see you. No, putting it into your mouth and chewing as slowly as you can does not help. Ah ha! Finally noticed I caught you, didn't you? Wait, what are you...? Oh, this cookie is for me? Is this our agreement not to tell mom?

Sincerely, you fit right into the family!

Dear Moms Everywhere,

When you say we will leave in a minute, we think we are going to leave soon, and not in a half-hour.

Sincerely, Teenagers Everywhere

Dear son,

Girls are red, guys are blue if you make purple I will kill you.

Sincerely, your loving father.

Dear Homophobics,

Gay also was originally used to refer to feelings of being "carefree" or "happy".

Sincerely, Are you against happiness too?

Dear 4,153,237 people that got married in the past year,

Sorry, but shouldn't that be an even number?

Sincerely, who kept count?!

Dear Mother,

Please stop saying that bisexuals don't know what they want. It's a real orientation, and you saying otherwise hurts.

Sincerely, secretly bisexual

Dear guy who took down the sign about my lost puppy,

Really?

Sincerely, is a wet t-shirt contest really more important?

Dear English Teacher that just gave me a D on my exam,

Why did you have to assign me to the seat next to your pet salamander AND your giant coffee mug?

Sincerely, Attention Deficit ...IS THAT A LAVA LAMP I SEE?

Dear Boys who wish they could understand girls,

So do we.

Sincerely, Girls

Dear boyfriends,

Only we are supposed to hook up behind your girlfriend's back.

Sincerely, Bras

Dear Fairy Godmother,

So where were you when both my parents died, the only family I had left enslaved me, abused me and hid me away from the world for years? But hey - thanks for the pretty dress!

Sincerely, Cinderella

Dear Period,

Oh my god you're late! What if I'm pregnant? What will my parents say? I'll have to drop out of college! I'll have to tell my boyfriend!! Oh wait...

Sincerely, virgin

Dear chemistry teacher,

Why is the class amused? I believe it's quite self-explanatory...

Sincerely, "Rutherford concluded that his balls could be tiny or massive."

Dear United States of America,

The only argument against gay marriage is that it is religiously incorrect, however, our laws clearly demonstrate a seperation between Church and State, thus, it is unconstitutional to ban gay marriage.

Sincerely, logic

Dear Nutrition Facts,

Please stop lying about serving sizes.

Sincerely, this is definitely a one-person box of mac and cheese.

Dear sisters's boyfriend,

Please keep in mind before you cheat on her, that I am one of the only people in the world who could kill you and get away with it.

Sincerely, her forensic scientist older brother

Dear parents who forgot my birthday,

Please explain to me how you remembered my brothers, and not mine.

Sincerely, born on the same day.

Dear Movie Makers,

Please stop changing important thing when you make a book into a movie.

Sincerely, we like the book for a reason

Dear "drink plenty of fluids",

OK, I'll try not to drink too many solids or gasses.

Sincerely, what else would I drink?

Dear students,

So... all your printers break the night before you have to hand in your assignment?

Sincerely, amused teacher.

Dear Jocks,

Being a single guy who likes musical theater doesn't make me gay.

Sincerely, you strip in front of 20 guys while I'm backstage with 30 girls.

Dear windshield-wiper making companies,

You seriously can't figure out how to get that one little triangle?

Sincerely, annoyed

Dear world,

Ten years ago we had Steve Jobs, Johnny Cash, and Bob Hope. Now we have no Jobs, no Cash and no Hope. What are you going to do when I die?!

Sincerely, Kevin Bacon.

Dear Dad,

If I answer the home phone it's a pretty clear indication that I am, in fact, at home.

Sincerely, Why did you ask?

Dear Dryer,

Please don't steal my partner...

Sincerely, lonely single sock

Dear online website that asked if I was human,

What do you think I am?

Sincerely, a tiger with thumbs

Dear teenagers buying condoms,

Trust me, I am not judging you. I am, however, judging the 22 year old mother who buys three bottles of vodka and two bottles of baby formula.

Sincerely, your cashier

Dear band teachers,

Please don't look at us weird when we laugh after you say, "Use more tongue and blow harder".

Sincerely, students cracking up

Dear God,

Please send some clothes to the poor ladies on my dad's computer.

Sincerely, 6-year-old daughter

Dear Optimist Pessimist and Realist,

While you guys were busy arguing about the glass of water, I drank it!

Sincerely, the Opportunist

Dear people I don't like,

Please stop having good names.

Sincerely, I wanted to name my kid that

Dear girl with only one hand,

Thank you so much for holding the door for me.

Sincerely, you are the nicest person at our school.

Dear dad,

Did you really just ask me if I wanted to go spin donuts in the local grocery store parking lot at 9 at night?

Sincerely, I like when mom is on vacation.

Dear Judgemental Shop Assistant,

Yes I am buying a pregnancy test because I think I might be pregnant.

Sincerely, I'm 23 ... and married

Dear Embarrassed Boy buying tampons,

Relax...I know they're not for you.

Sincerely, I think it's cute

Dear health teacher,

Please don't take off points because my oral presentation didn't include any images.

Sincerely, my topic was pornography

Dear older brother singing loudly in the shower when he thought he was home alone,

I was going to complain, until I caught the lyrics,.

Sincerely, your Timone is wonderful but your Pumba needs work. Keep it up.

Dear little girl,

Thank you so much for grinning and saying, "You've got a robot's leg!" when you saw my boyfriend's prosthetic leg. It's the first time his laugh and smile have been genuine since he came back from Afghanistan.

Sincerely, his girlfriend who's eternally grateful.

Dear ignorant person that told me that clarinets are gay,

Elton John is gay, a clarinet is a clarinet.

Sincerely, I'm a band student, and you're an idiot.

Dear girls that are afraid of blood,

What do you do during your period?

Sincerely, curious...

Dear Selena Gomez,

Somebody told me that you had a boyfriend that looked like a girlfriend.

Sincerely, The Killers.

Dear iPod,

I named you, Titanic.

Sincerely, syncing you now...

Dear Facebook,

Congratulations on becoming a verb!

Sincerely, Google.

Dear guy who accidentally dialed my number,

Just because a young female answered the phone does NOT mean you have permission to text me back to ask if I'm single.

Sincerely, "you have the wrong number" is not a flirtatious statement whatsoever!

Dear cat,

Please explain to me why you are so happy and purring one second and the next your claws are in my skin and your hissing uncontrollably.

Sincerely, someone has mood swings.

Dear Disney Channel Original Movie "My Babysitter's a Vampire",

Original, huh?

Sincerely, Disney Channel Original Movie "Mom's Got a Date with a Vampire".

Dear Edward Cullen,

You stay young forever and sneak into the rooms of young girls? How original.

Sincerely, Peter Pan.

Dear Adele,

Writing whole albums about boys who break hearts is kinda my thing...

Sincerely, Taylor Swift.

Dear Stephanie Meyer,

No, it is not okay to make your characters fall in love with infants and toddlers and say "But it's alright, because he's a mythical creature and it's true love".

Sincerely, human pedophiles claim it's love, too...

Dear Ke$ha,

I sparkle too!

Sincerely, Edward Cullen.

Dear underage partiers,

Do you really think that when you post a picture of you at a party holding a beer can and blur out just the beer can that that suddenly makes a difference? Do you think we are all going "oh there's a little blurred out spot on the picture that just happens to be placed over everyone's hand in every picture, well that couldn't possibly be a beer can. Nah, it was probably soda and they just didn't want people to know what kind."

Sincerely, laughing at your pathetic attempts.

Dear mom,

I have been sick off-and-on for years now. The doctor may not know what's wrong, but I do...

Sincerely, throw away your cigarettes before one of us dies!

Dear parents who name their kids "Christian",

I'd like to introduce you to my son Muslim, my daughter Jew and my cousin Athiest.

Sincerely, it is the same thing...

Dear Facebook,

Please add a "nobody cares" button.

Sincerely, I don't care what you ate for breakfast.

Dear teacher who says "I don't know CAN you?" after a I ask if I can go to the bathroom,

When I was using can, I was using it's secondary modal form as a verbal modifier asking for permission, as opposed to expressing an ability. I thought that since you were a teacher, you would know that.

Sincerely, schooled.

Dear parents,

Are you sure hangman is a child-friendly game?

Sincerely, dead man hanging from a pole.

Dear Americans,

Remember how you said a black guy would be president when pigs flew? You're welcome.

Sincerely, swine flu.

Dear "it's the thought that counts",

What exactly were your thoughts when buying me this gift?

Sincerely, no, you're right, I DID need a new ladle

Dear mom,

Yes, of course I'm pregnant. What did you expect?

Sincerely, you were at the wedding...

Dear teacher,

When you say "Write in complete sentences", the majority of the class assumes you are saying "write incomplete sentences".

Sincerely, minor formalities.

Dear kitten,

Yes, it is super cute how you can attack and shred a roll of toilet paper in 15 seconds. However, I am super sick and needed it.

Sincerely, now I have to blow my nose on your fluffy tail

Dear inspirational posters,

Yeah, there's no "I" in "TEAM", but there's a "ME"...

Sincerely, better rethink that one.

Dear boyfriend,

If you're going to act like a tool, you can sleep in the shed.

Sincerely, girlfriend.

Dear boy who just asked me to sit on his lap,

Boy you ain't no Santa Claus, I don't wanna be yo ho ho ho!

Sincerely, that might have been the cleverest thing I've ever though of on the spot!

Dear GAP clothing,

Do you really think someone is going to buy a shirt that says "69" all over it?

Sincerely, observant customer.

Dear group in California...,

So, you want to make suicide a capital offense punishable by death? That's like punishing someone for being on a hunger strike by sending them to bed with no supper.

Sincerely, how dumb are you?

Dear NASA,

Your Mom thought I was big enough.

Sincerely, Pluto

Dear fellow schoolmates,

I was so proud when all four hundred of us left the gym when the DJ played a Justin Beiber song.

Sincerely, Never been prouder

Dear Microsoft Word,

No, I did not spell my last name wrong!

Sincerely, anonymous.

Dear "family planning" isle,

So you stock products to prevent getting a girl pregnant, tests that tell you the products didn't work, and drugs to stop a pregnancy...

Sincerely, shouldn't you be called the "not planning on starting a family" isle?

Dear person who just said that "we make a cute couple",

He's my brother.

Sincerely, you disgust me...

Dear teens,

Go to school, get married, THEN have kids.

Sincerely, don't do it backwards.

Dear clueless mom who just told me my scarf looks gay,

Thanks! I found it when I was in the closet!

Sincerely, proud homosexual son.

Dear Glee,

Ruining good songs was OUR idea!

Sincerely, Kidz Bop

Dear doctor,

For the tenth time, yes I'm sure I'm not pregnant.

Sincerely, lesbian.

Dear mother,

It doesn't matter if you have the same parts as me.

Sincerely, your daughter that would like to get dressed without you walking in.

Dear girls who's prom dresses look like two pieces of cloth held together by a beaded string,

Are you dyslexic??

Sincerely, it's "Prom" not "Porn".

Dear girl in my civics class,

Did you seriously just ask the teacher why Alaska is so cold if it's next to Hawaii?!

Sincerely, Trying to conceal my laughter and wondering how you made it past the 2nd grade at the same time...

Dear world,

Today in class the girl next to me was trimming her split ends and the two people in front of me were having a breath holding competition.

Sincerely, I'm in med school... Meet your future doctors.

Dear dad,

Please stop criticizing my 30 minute showers when you leave the TV on all day for the dog.

Sincerely, your daughter.

Dear humans,

You are just my over sized Sims game

Sincerely, God

Dear Geometry,

Pi r not squared. Pi r round... Cornbread r squared.

Sincerely, sarcastic

Dear parent suspiciously looking over my shoulder as I browse a baby name website,

Please realize that it is not what it looks like.

Sincerely, aspiring author who needs names for her characters.

Dear boy's everywhere,

Since girl's bra's are called 'over the shoulder boulder holder'...does that mean your underwear is called an 'under the butt nut hut'?

Sincerely, Just curious

Dear Prince Charming,

Come on...I danced with you all night and the only thing you could remember about me were my glass slippers?

Sincerely, Cinderella

Dear adults who tell teenagers to stop 'whining' about our lives because we 'have no real responsibilities',

I go to school for 7 hours a day, then go to work for another 5 hours, then go home and do my homework for 4 more hours! I have to get good grades to get into a good college and then decide on a major, and find a way to pay for it all. Don' tell me that I have no responsibilities.

Sincerely, clearly you've either forgotten the stress or were just too big of a slacker to notice it all

Dear rewind button,

Thank you for making Jaws the quirky comedy about a bulimic shark that barfs up so many people the town has to open a beach.

Sincerely, life is nicer backwards.

Dear Bella,

He forbids you from seeing your best friend, he intimidates you into doing whatever he wants, and he won't give you anything in return.

Sincerely, honey, that's an unhealthy relationship.

Dear Mom,

Next time you're lecturing me and ask, "Do I look stupid to you!?" make sure you aren't wearing that sweater with the penguins all over it.

Sincerely, just being honest.

Dear people who "love music so much",

Listening to whatever is popular and then forgetting about it a month later, declaring it sucks because it's old, and repeating the cycle a month later shows how much you don't appreciate music.

Sincerely, real music fans.

Dear Pinocchio,

If you said ,"My nose will grow now," and it doesn't, that would mean you were lying. But if you were lying, that would make your nose grow. Thus, making your nose grow by telling the truth.

Sincerely, ultimate paradox.

Dear Secret Life of the American Teenager,

Having Nike sponsor your show with the slogan "Just Do It" probably isn't sending the best message...

Sincerely, yet another reason to laugh at that show

Dear butt,

You managed to turn on my phone, decipher my screen lock code, put it on speaker, AND call Pizza Hut in the middle of class?

Sincerely, I'm impressed.

Dear character in movie about to be hit by a car 20 feet away,

Instead of just standing there with a gaping O face, how about running?

Sincerely, seriously, what are you waiting for?

Dear church women,

Please stop disguising gossip in your prayer circle...

Sincerely, "let us pray for Tanya who is now pregnant at age 15 with no father in sight..."

Dear English teacher,

How can I get a question wrong that was asking for my opinion?

Sincerely, fed up

Dear person who invented salt,

What made you decide to combine two deadly poisons and put it on your food?

Sincerely, NaCl.

Dear mom and dad,

Please stop shouting at each other and take a look at your daughter. You can see the scars on her arms, right?

Sincerely, a worried older brother.

Dear world,

Fortune cookies aren't from China, Swedish Fish aren't made in Sweden, Danish rolls aren't from Denmark, French bread isn't from France, German chocolate cake isn't from Germany, and French fries are actually from Belgium.

Sincerely, what is wrong with this picture?

Dear Egnslih tecaehr,

Did you konw taht as lnog as the fsrit and lsat lteter are in the smae palce, hmauns are albe to raed the wrod?

Sincerely, slpelnig is not taht ipmrontat.

Dear elderly driver,

Red means "stop," green means "go" and yellow means "slow down." Notice that there is not a color or a light for "please run over the teenage girl because you can't see over the dash."

Sincerely, the girl that you almost ran over today.

Dear father who just asked if the showers in the dorms are co-ed,

Yes, they are, because this school's all about saving water and promoting rape.

Sincerely, your tour guide.

Dear Facebook,

I do in fact know those people on the side of my page, and there is an excellent reason I have not added them as friends.

Sincerely, I don't like them.

Dear mom,

Stop telling me to, "turn off my phone and be social!"

Sincerely, I'm talking, just not to you.

Dear Pythagorean Theorem,

Because I can't wait for that moment in time when I will have a ruler to measure two sides of a triangle but not the third.

Sincerely, oh, wait...

Dear ice at the bottom of the cup,

Please stop surprise attacking my face every time I try to take the last sip of my drink.

Sincerely, you get me every time.

Dear people who ask questions during movies,

The awesome thing about movies is that they tend to make sense and answer the questions you ask if you watch for 5 more seconds.

Sincerely, seriously, I just want to watch the movie in peace.

Dear iTunes,

$1.29? Really? What is the extra $0.30 for, shipping and handling?

Sincerely, you jerks.

Dear dad,

There IS a difference between butt dialing and a booty call.

Sincerely, just so you know.

Dear parents,

You scream at me when I don't answer the phone... I've called you eleven times now.

Sincerely, your annoyed child.

Dear mom,

If I knew where I last saw it, I wouldn't have asked you where it was.

Sincerely, annoyed teen.

Dear PETA,

People Eat Tasty Animals and they always will.

Sincerely, stop making me feel guilty about it.

Dear mom,

So... You're a doctor, and you can't even tell when I'm faking a sickness?

Sincerely, should I be worried about our healthcare system?

Dear Spoon,

Tell me that nursery rhyme all you want, I know the Dish isn't my real dad.

Sincerely, Spork

Dear Shakespeare,

Poetic talent is easy to fake when thy sentence doth no freaking sense make.

Sincerely, unconvinced English student.

Dear douche bag,

You're mean to gay boys, but think it's awesome when two girls make out?

Sincerely, confused.

Dear Kardashian family,

Remind me again why you're famous?

Sincerely, confused TV watcher.

Dear parents,

Please realize that those clothes on my floor are part of my new invention... the horizontal closet.

Sincerely, your teenager.

Dear Richard,

Please explain why your name is shortened to Dick.

Sincerely, confused.

Dear Skittles manufacturer,

What rainbow are you tasting that doesn't include blue?

Sincerely, confused consumer.

Dear unborn son,

Please note that your name will be Luke purely so I can say "Luke, I am your Father" when you question my authority.

Sincerely, soon to be father.

Dear parents who tell your kids, "That’s why you go to college" when they see the pizza guy,

I have this job so I can pay for my textbooks FOR college.

Sincerely, the educated pizza guy.

Dear one-eyed-one-horned-flying-purple-people-eater,

Are you purple and eat people, or eat only purple people?

Sincerely, confused child.

Dear people judging me on the bus,

Please stop. This 8 month old baby is my nephew.

Sincerely, 16 and still a virgin

Dear Wicked Witch of the West,

So... how exactly did you shower?

Sincerely, Curious

Dear parents,

Jasmine was in a relationship with a dirty homeless boy named Aladdin. Snow White lived alone with 7 men. Pinocchio was a liar. Robin Hood was a thief. Tarzan walked around without clothes on. A stranger kissed sleeping beauty and she married him. Cinderella lied and snuck out at night to attend a party.

Sincerely, it's not our fault; it's how you raised us

Dear mom,

I've known 'what happens when two people love each other' since third grade.

Sincerely, just let me watch my PG-13 movie

Dear people who name their kids after places they were conceived,

That is by far the worst idea I have ever heard...

Sincerely, Back O. Car

Dear math teacher,

If there are 11 students in the algebra class and 9 of them are failing, how long will it take for you to realize that you suck as a teacher?

Sincerely, how's that for a math question?

Dear students,

You can't read my handwriting on your papers because I needed an entire bottle of vodka before your paper made any sense.

Sincerely, your professor

Dear How,

You really need a W.

Sincerely, Who, What, When, Where, and Why

Dear Humans,

We have called off the apocalypse after realizing that there are no brains left.

Sincerely, Zombies

Dear dad,

How can you be mad at my report card when it spells your name twice D A D D A D??!!

Sincerely, your failing son

Dear Sesame Street,

Please go back to the way you were, when Oscar lived in a trash can not a recycling bin, Vegetable monster was Cookie monster, and Bert and Ernie were still on the show because everyone thought they were brothers.

Sincerely, Sick of political correctness

Dear Justin Bieber,

An autobiography? Seriously? You just barely reached puberty. Let me guess, it consists of: 'I was born. The end.'

Sincerely, Fed up

Dear slut that goes to an all-girls school,

Please put your boobs away. We know what they look like, we have them too.

Sincerely, your disgusted classmates

Dear paranoid people who check behind shower curtains for murderers,

If you do find one, what's your plan?

Sincerely, not very well thought out

Dear George,

If you're so curious, why is it you haven't figured out my real name yet?

Sincerely, The Man in the Yellow hat

Dear Everyone,

CARROT TOPS ARE GREEN!

Sincerely, Gingers

Dear lady in front of me with the six screaming kids under the age of 9,

You see that box of condoms that mysteriously appeared in your cart? You're welcome.

Sincerely, A Good Samaritan

Dear hormone-crazed teenage boys,

I hope you still appreciate slutty Halloween costumes when they start showing up on your thirteen-year-old daughters.

Sincerely, Karma

Dear Google Image Search,

That WAS NOT what I was looking for.

Sincerely, Scarred for Life

Dear Math Teacher,

Your ceiling has 86 1/2 tiles, 9 mysterious black stains on said tiles, 4 sprinklers, and 4 lights. Oh, and I forgot to mention... 2/3 of your students aren't paying attention. They're trying to figure out what I'm staring at.

Sincerely, Your Bored Student

Dear Women,

You tell us WE need to text first, WE need to pay for food, WE need to ask you out. But we ask you for ONE sammich and what do we get? A slap to the face.

Sincerely, Men

Dear DJ who played 'Love the Way You Lie',

It's probably inappropriate to play a song about domestic abuse at a wedding. Just my two cents.

Sincerely, a concerned cousin of the groom

Dear Vegetarians,

How many plants had to die to make your salad?

Sincerely, An Honest Carnivore

Dear Angry Parents,

Please stop getting mad at us when we answer your question. Its not backtalk, its called answering your question.

Sincerely, Pissed Off Grounded Teen

Dear Philosophers,

If actions are stronger than words, then why is the pen mightier than the sword?

Sincerely, Deep thinker

Dear Carmen,

This isn't funny. I can't find the baby...

Sincerely, Waldo

Dear people who say "it's cold as hell",

What part of "fire and brimstone" don't you understand?

Sincerely, Satan.

Dear Stephenie Meyer,

Having an extra chromosome gives you Down Syndrome, not Vampirism.

Sincerely, The Medical Community

Dear jerk ex-boyfriend,

Please continue to tell me repeatedly that I'm never going to find anyone else like you.

Sincerely, that's kinda what I was hoping for when I dumped you!

Dear mom,

Taking the TV remote doesn't stop me from watching TV. I can manually turn it on and change the channel as I please.

Sincerely, just because I'm from the age of technology doesn't mean my IQ is 40.

Dear countries who like boys better than girls,

Where do you think boys come from?

Sincerely, girls who want some credit.

Dear Mr. Left,

She doesn't want you because you are never around.

Sincerely, Mr. Right

Dear guy who shouts "not appropriate!" every time you see me hug my boyfriend,

Look who's talking!

Sincerely, saw you eating your girlfriend's face five minutes ago.

Dear friends with benefits,

Not dating but lots of sex huh? How original.

Sincerely, no strings attached.

Dear Selena and Justin,

She was a punk, he did ballet, what more can i say?

Sincerely, Avril Lavigne.

Dear Edward,

Did you ever think that maybe the reason you can't read Bella's thoughts is because SHE DOESN'T HAVE ANY?

Sincerely, makes sense to me...

Dear morons in charge of our school system,

Please explain why you say high school students need the most sleep, but insist on tasking us with hours of homework and making us wake up before our parents.

Sincerely, something is wrong with this picture

Dear world,

Red hair: redhead, brown hair: brunette, white/yellow hair: blonde, no hair: bald. What do you call someone with black hair?

Sincerely, a "black-head?"

Dear MTV,

I was wondering if I could get my "M" back... you know, since you're not using it?

Sincerely, _usic.

Dear boys in my Geography class,

No, London isn't a country.

Sincerely, this would be funny if you weren't in high school, and completely serious.

Dear vampires,

Humans are annoyed with you too? You drink blood? You follow people around when they don't want you too? Join the club!

Sincerely, mosquitos.

Dear fans,

If Kayne managed to steal the mic, is Taylor really swift?

Sincerely, curious.

Dear guys,

Just because you have one doesn't mean you have to act like one.

Sincerely, you don't see me being a boob.

Dear schools,

Don't ban Wikipedia. You say it's horribly wrong, but still give us A's on our papers...

Sincerely, where do you think that information came from?

Dear pregnant friend,

What's the difference between you and a lightbulb?

Sincerely, a lightbulb can get unscrewed.

Dear SpaghettiO's Alphabet Version,

Doesn't that kind of defeat the purpose of SpaghettiO's?

Sincerely, just wondering...

Dear people staring,

Yes I am 22, and have four little girls with me at the zoo.

Sincerely, get a grip I am babysitting and the oldest is 10!

Dear people who think my 5 year old brother is my son,

I'm fourteen. I hadn't even hit puberty when he was born.

Sincerely, how old did you think I was?

Dear people staring,

I am 15. The kid I am with is 8. Of course she's not my daughter. She's my sister. I was not pregnant at 7.

Sincerely, you're all idiots.

Dear girlfriend of two years,

You're confused as to how you are pregnant?! Me to...

Sincerely, virgin boyfriend.

Dear Black Music Awards,

Please tell me why it's ok that you have your own award ceremony, but if we had our own it would be racist.

Sincerely, average white person who thinks the concept of equality is skewed.

Dear teenage girls,

You wear a neon green pin saying FREE HUGS! then look at my 6-year-old sister like she's crazy when she asks for a hug?

Sincerely, she just learned how to read...

Dear person who previously had my biology book,

It was really hard not to laugh when I opened the front cover on the first day of school.

Sincerely, Name: Michael Jackson. Issued: Black. Returned: White

Dear metabolism,

My lunch - salad with no dressing and an apple. Result? Fat. Boyfriend's lunch - three double cheeseburgers and a milkshake. Result? skinny..

Sincerely, seriously?

Dear long distance boyfriend,

You said you started loving me because of my honesty, so I'll be honest. We've never had sex, so it is defintly NOT my bra I can see on the floor.

Sincerely, yeah, whoops is right.

Dear ladies,

If your man only wants your breasts, legs and thighs send him to KFC.

Sincerely, don't waste your time with him.

Dear manly 6 foot 7 older brother,

... you do know I can hear you singing from outside the bathroom door, right?

Sincerely, you're a Barbie girl? in a Barbie world?

Dear Justin Bieber,

Please don't teach our kids that they can be in love when they're only 13.

Sincerely, just told my daughter the normal time to have sex was when she was in love!

Dear Pinochio,

So all I have to do is lie?

Sincerely, Lord Voldemort!

Dear deadbeat mom,

Stop using "I never had a mother" as an excuse.

Sincerely, nor do I.

Dear Miley Cyrus,

Well this is awkward you actually weren't invited to the party...

Sincerely, the USA.

Dear Candace,

Why dont you just take a picture of Phineas and Ferb?

Sincerely, common Sense...

Dear boyfriend,

I liked you when you didn't ask me for anything that night I slept over. I fell in love with you when you kissed my cheek when you thought i was asleep.

Sincerely, girlfriend who was nervous about sleeping at your house.

Dear dictionaries,

Please stop putting such big words in your definitions.

Sincerely, we already looked up one big word, we don't need to look up another!

Dear Lucky Charms,

Please change the marshmallow to wheat ratio from 1/10 to 10/1.

Sincerely, everyone.

Dear New Orleans,

Seriously, I'm not allowed to tie my alligator to a fire hydrant?

Sincerely, where am I supposed to tie her now?

Dear child,

Don't use logic against me!

Sincerely, I'm trying to be the parent here!

Dear owner of the shoe in the lost and found,

Please. How do you manage to leave school with 1 shoe?

Sincerely, confused.
Dear world,

Please never say "grapes" in pig-Latin.

Sincerely, "rapegays."

Dear teens,

Next time your parents ground you for lying, look them straight in the eye and say, "Santa Claus, Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny."

Sincerely, parents lie too

Dear Facebook,

Please never make a legitimate "who's viewing your profile app."

Sincerely, my ex boyfriend would get a restraining order.

Dear Edward and Jacob,

I have to tell you two setting important... I recently found this out... I'm... A lesbian

Sincerely, Bella

Dear parents who tell me not to talk to strangers,

So now you want me to sit on this random old man's lap, and tell him what I want.

Sincerely, rethinking this whole mall Santa thing, aren't you?

Dear Justin Bieber,

The country music awards? Really?

Sincerely, and how are you country?

Dear guy in my Social Studies class,

Please think before asking what Obama's last name is...

Sincerely, even the teacher laughed.

Dear parents who say looks don't matter,

If looks don't matter, then why do you get upset when I go out to dinner in sweats?

Sincerely, teenagers everywhere.

Dear guy I like,

I was so disappointed when I heard you say "I love you" to someone else on the phone...

Sincerely, ...then you ended the sentence with "Mom." :)

Dear relatives,

Please stop telling me, "you're next" at weddings.

Sincerely, or I will start saying the same thing to you while we are at funerals...

Dear girl who says she wants a guy like me,

I'M A GUY LIKE ME.

Sincerely, I've had a crush on you for three years...

Dear who ever said "just picture the audience in their underwear",

Not the easiest thing to do with your crush in the front row.

Sincerely, nervous and turned on.

Dear peoplewhotalklikethisallthetime,

Can you not find the spacebar?

Sincerely, it is the biggest button on the keyboard...

Dear girl wearing a white dress to prom,

I am taking you to prom and not to the alter, right?

Sincerely, your scared, prom date.

Dear math teacher,

Now I lay me down to rest, a pile of math books on my desk, if I should die before I wake, that's one less test I have to take!

Sincerely, bored student.

Dear kid tripping over his pants,

Did a famous rapper die and you have to wear your pants at half-mast?

Sincerely, just trying to understand...

Dear Canada,

You gave us Nickelback, we gave you Miley Cyrus. You gave us Justin Bieber, we gave you Rebecca Black... Your move.

Sincerely, America

Dear feminist who got mad at me for making my boyfriend a sandwich,

He's a professional chef and by the time he gets home, he's not in the mood to cook anymore.

Sincerely, calm down.

Dear Girlfriend,

Of course I will love another girl!

Sincerely, ...in ten years, and she'll call you "mommy."

Dear boys,

It's said that the most common way a woman kills a man is with food posioning.

Sincerely, you still want that sandwich?

Dear girlfriend I just killed the spider for,

I hope you realize now how much i love you.

Sincerely, your boyfriend who's also afraid of spiders.

Dear teacher,

If you know the whole class is going to see your computer screen, it would be smart to delete the email verifying your eHarmony account.

Sincerely, we all know that you have a wife.

Dear girls,

Just helping you reel in a vampire boyfriend.

Sincerely, your period.

Dear "Secret Life of an American Teenager" writers,

I WANT TO HAVE SEX, I DON'T WANT TO HAVE SEX, SHOULD I HAVE SEX? SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX!!

Sincerely, maybe try mixing up the script sometime?

Dear tough guy that isn't afraid of anything

Boo!!

Sincerely, pregnancy test.

Dear non-virgins at my high school,

I can be like you in less than five minutes, but you can never be like me again.

Sincerely, still a virgin and ok with it

Dear "two wrongs don't make a right",

Two negatives equal a positive...

Sincerely, just saying.

Dear son,

I know what you were doing...

Sincerely, nobody just stares at Google.

Dear People who say "real vampires don't sparkle,

Really?

Sincerely, real vampires don't exist.

Dear girl in my class,

"What's an IQ?"

Sincerely, clearly something you're missing...

Dear women who complain about sexism,

Isn't it a little sexist to say that boys can't hit girls but girls can hit boys?

Sincerely, a reasonable woman.

Dear "popular" people,

You buy contacts, and then buy fake glasses. Then you wear the fake glasses without lenses while wearing your contacts.

Sincerely, on what planet does that make sense?!

Dear old ladies,

Please stop looking so disgusted. I'm just holding him while my mom finishes the grocery shopping.

Sincerely, THIS IS MY BABY BROTHER

Dear Y,

Please make up your mind.

Sincerely, A, E, I, O, and U.

Dear A E I O and U,

I never liked you guys anyway...

Sincerely, Y.

Dear car full of guys driving around campus with the windows rolled down,

Thank you for singing "Teenage Dream" by Katy Perry at the top of your lungs. It made walking in the rain a little more bearable.

Sincerely, amused.

Dear jerk who asked my clearly anorexic 16 year old little sister when the baby's due,

This morning, for the first time in nearly two years, she willingly ate half a grilled cheese. Thanks to your cruel, ignorant comment, she is again refusing to eat and won't come out of her room. You had better hope I never, ever see you again.

Sincerely, little brother just trying to help her.

Dear Facebook,

Please never, NEVER, create a way for users to see who visits their profiles...or how many times.

Sincerely, not a stalker, just curious about my crush.

Dear 4 year old who just asked his friend if I was his mommy,

Contrary to what MTV might have you believe, even as a 17 year old, I still don't have kids.

Sincerely, am I flattered or disturbed?

Dear Mom,

Just because you saw me naked as a baby, and we have the same parts, does NOT make it okay for you to just walk in to talk to me while I'm in the shower.

Sincerely, your freaked out 17-year-old daughter.

Dear parents,

I'm so sorry, but I need to get this off my chest. I was home alone with my boyfriend, and, well...I disobeyed you. I know you've told me time and time again to never do it, and you always tell me how wrong it is, but we couldn't resist. We had everything we needed. And, it wasn't my first time, either. ...the taste in your mouth is something you'll never forget. I can assure you though, it won't affect my health. I feel terrible for going against your rules, but I can't promise that it won't happen again.

Sincerely, ate a whole bowl of raw cookie dough with him.

Dear classmates,

Yes, I will get mad when you call me a spoiled brat for having a new iPad.

Sincerely, works 40 hours a week and decided to treat myself.

Dear lesbian couple on the airplane,

I noticed that you stopped talking to me when I mentioned I was a Bible major. My aunts are lesbians. I didn't judge you; please don't judge me.

Sincerely, sad Christian girl.

Dear teacher who asked the class whore to stop wearing her work clothes to school,

Thanks.

Sincerely, you made my day.

Dear world,

It's sad when I can't take my 4-year-old brother out places without me getting stares or being called his mom.

Sincerely, sixteen-year-old girl.

Dear son,

Yeah, we knew you were gay when you told us you were going to make another boy your "wife" when you were in preschool...

Sincerely, you didn't have to hide it for so long...

Dear people who think only white people are racist,

There's a black history month. If there was a white history month, that would be considered racist. There are Facebook pages titled, "I love being black!" if there was an "I love being white!" one, that would be racist. There are scholarships for college you can receive simply by being black. I don't see any scholarships for being white. It's not okay for a white person to call a black person the N word, but it's perfectly acceptable to call a white person a "cracker."

Sincerely, you're NOT entitled to everything because you're black.

Dear Karma,

I bought a Michael Jackson album, he died. I watched the Dark Knight, the Joker died. I bought an iPad, and Steve Jobs died...

Sincerely, I just bought a Justin Bieber album...

Dear Urban Dictionary,

Thank you SO much.

Sincerely, I was not about to ask my parents that...

Dear Grandma,

Thank you for saying "Yeah, like YOU'VE never done that" to Mum while she was screaming at me!

Sincerely, her face was priceless.

Dear person whispering stuff behind me in the store,

No, the newborn in the cart is not mine, she is my moms. Just because I am the one pushing the cart doesn't mean that i gave birth to her.

Sincerely, im only 14...

Dear Democrats and Republicans,

I really don't care what party your in. I just want you to get something done.

Sincerely, a U.S. citizen

Dear "I could never get tired of that song" ,

Challenge Accepted.

Sincerely, radio stations.

Dear 30 tabs and counting,

One of you is playing music...

Sincerely, BUT WHICH ONE?!

Dear elderly woman that says we look cute together,

Thank you. So much.

Sincerely, the gay couple holding hands

Dear Mom and Dad,

Please stop saying "Don't play with your food!" You spent the first two years of my life convincing me this spoon was a plane...

Sincerely, your fault.

Dear Facebook,

Why is there an option for an expected child as a family member?

Sincerely, do you really think my unborn baby has a Facebook?

Dear 16-Year-Old Sister,

Why won't you tell me your boyfriends name?

Sincerely, I see the bruises on your arm and the way you flinch when I raise my hand...

Dear Dad,

If you wanted to "straighten me out," an all boys boarding school was not the way to do it.

Sincerely, your gay son.

Dear "Are you pregnant?",

Not that I'm aware of...

Sincerely, a 16 year old boy who just wants a sports physical.

Dear Americans,

"Gay" means happy or jolly, "queer" means odd or strange, "retarded" means slowed or hindered, "dumb" means unable to speak, and "lame" means incapable of walking.

Sincerely, go read a dictionary.

Dear Sound of Music,

So the kids' mother's been dead for seven years and the youngest child is five?

Sincerely, Sneaky, Captain von Trapp.

Dear Pringles,

Do you want me to eat your chips or not?

Sincerely, how am I supposed to eat them when my hand doesn't fit into the container.

Dear kids who bully the quiet girl in class,

It's ironic how I am the only one who can hear her cry for help.

Sincerely, deaf kid who can see the scars on her wrists.

Dear stereotypical "mean girl",

Thank you for sitting with me in the back of the class and asking me about myself, saying how cool of a person I am, and even commenting on my heavy metal music. I won't judge you since you didn't judge me.

Sincerely, the stereotypical "goth chick."

Dear Facebook addicts,

If Facebook shuts down, are you going to be roaming the streets shoving pictures in people's faces saying "DO YOU LIKE THIS?! DO YOU?!"

Sincerely, just asking.

Dear parents,

"Because I said so" does not qualify as a reason.

Sincerely, it just makes us more angry.

Dear people who hate gays because it says so in the Bible,

Please tell us all about how you were a virgin until after marriage, didn't lie, and never disrespected your parents.

Sincerely, I'm sure your not perfect either.

Dear old lady Wal-Mart cashier who told me she doesn't approve of teen moms,

Good thing that little girl's my niece then, huh?

Sincerely, but seriously... you work at Wal-Mart.

Dear homophobic dad,

You hate gays? Phew, thank goodness, I thought I was in trouble.

Sincerely, I'm bisexual!

Dear parents,

Wait, so you named me after bread? Seriously?

Sincerely, Peeta

Dear people who think friend-zoned is bad,

Try cousin-zoned.

Sincerely, Gale Hawthorne.

Dear "you're just wearing that braid because of the Hunger Games",

Yes, I love the book. Yes, I saw the movie.

Sincerely, No, Katniss did not invent the French braid

Dear "All the good guys are gay",

Are you kidding me? All the good guys are straight!

Sincerely, gay men everywhere.

Dear celebrities,

Do you ever Google your names and look at all the things people say about you?

Sincerely, curious.

Dear fat lady at McDonalds,

Yes, people were watching when you told your son he could only eat his carrots if he finished his chicken nuggets first. And you didn't have to yell at him for it.

Sincerely, thanks for contributing to the obesity problem in America.

Dear nosy neighborhood moms,

Yes, I'm 19, and the three year-old girl who lives with me? She's not my daughter. She's my little sister.

Sincerely, I adopted her when our parents died.

Dear 4 year old sister,

When I asked what you wanted to be when you grew up, I expected you to say princess.

Sincerely, but you're right... who wouldn't want to be a duck?

Dear people,

Yes. My name is Bella. Yes. My husband's name is Edward. Yes. He is older than me. Yes. I am from Arizona. The difference is, I'm 64 and have been married to Edward for 43 years.

Sincerely, Stephanie Meyer stole my life!

Dear boys who won't buy tampons for their girlfriends,

It could be worse - they could be asking you to buy a pregnancy test.

Sincerely, amused girl.

Dear "friends",

Yes that call was from my mom. Yes I call her mommy. Yes I said "I love you" before hanging up. No I'm not a "retard."

Sincerely, teenage boy who doesn't care what you think.

Dear woman who told me "there's a place for girls like you",

This is my brother, not my son, I'm 17 he's 4, I'm taking him to the zoo so he can draw the monkeys.

Sincerely, yeah there is a place for me, it's called awesome town!

Dear Parents,

No my bed did not break from me having sex.

Sincerely, jumping and dancing on it.

Dear girl who my boyfriend was flirting with over text,

Thank you! I have so much respect for you!

Sincerely, just looked through his texts and saw you telling him to piss off and love what he has.

Dear Identical Twin Sister,

Maybe you should rethink saying "I'm so ugly" in front of me.

Sincerely, you just ruined my self esteem.

Dear teacher who just yelled at me for using my phone in class,

Actually, I was texting my little brother, wondering how his first chemo treatment is going.

Sincerely, may I continue?

Dear guy who called me gay for being in a musical,

Just wait till opening night.

Sincerely, Your girlfriends an awesome stage-kisser

Dear Mother,

Please locate the nearest dictionary. Now look up the definitions of mom, mother, and parent. Then proceed to look up the definition of dictator. Please note that they are not the same.

Sincerely, Your irritated second-born.

Dear girls who wear lots of glitter eyeshadow,

You leave me no choice but to rate you from Ke$ha to Edward.

Sincerely, seriously, tone it down.

Dear 50 people who have posted on my Facebook wall for my birthday,

I wonder how many of you actually KNEW my birthday?

Sincerely, considering changing my Facebook birthdate for fun.

Dear Disney,

Maleficent taught me that when the popular kids snub you, make your own party. Cruella taught me to express myself. Jafar taught me never to let go of my dreams, even if they're as big as being sultan. Dr. Facilier taught me that you're lost without your friends. And Yzma taught me never to lose my flair.

Sincerely, ...wait, I learned all the WRONG lessons, didn't I?

Dear judgmental woman,

I am twenty-seven and happily married with a wedding ring I can't wear because this pregnancy is making my fingers too swollen.

Sincerely, the "knocked-up teenager" you were warning your kid about.

Dear movie theater worker who just asked me if I'm old enough to see a PG-13 movie,

I'm short not FIVE!

Sincerely, 16 year old girl

Dear teammates,

Stop making fun of the marching band or I'll beat you with my French Horn.

Sincerely, Head QB

Dear Manufacturers of the Straw,

Please make your straws longer than the bottles

Sincerely, reaching for it with my tongue like a retarded chicken

Dear World,

You know something's wrong when calling someone a Virgin is considered an insult.

Sincerely, Virgin - And Proud of It!

Dear teacher who called me a spoiled brat in front of the entire class,

You eavesdropped on me venting to my best friend how pissed I was that my mother got me a Tiffany necklace for my birthday. Here's what you didn't hear: What I had asked for my birthday present was to spend more time with her. Instead my mother bought the necklace.

Sincerely, a spoiled nobody.

Dear family who won't let me attend the funeral,

I'm a lesbian, not a leper.

Sincerely, I loved her, too...

Dear doctor,

The longer you leave me unattended in your office, the more tongue depressors I can lick and put back in the jar.

Sincerely, where are you?!

Dear girlfriend,

Please be so kind as to explain to me how on earth you are pregnant.

Sincerely, your infertile boyfriend.

Dear mom and dad,

Please don't hang up rainbow flags everywhere. I get it, you'll love me no matter what.

Sincerely, wanting to go back in the closet.

Dear strippers,

If you are called exotic dancers then shouldn't drug dealers be called exotic pharmacists?

Sincerely, makes sense to me...

Dear teacher who asked me what I was day-dreaming about,

boobs, BOOBS, sammich, boobs, SEX, hooters, dieing puppies, failing a test, OMG BOOBS, sammich, is she winking at me?

Sincerely, should I have lied?

Dear mom and dad,

Why am I in trouble for jumping on my bed? I hear you jumping on yours every night...

Sincerely, innocent eight year old.

Dear people who say they just had a newborn baby,

The newborn part is implied. No one thinks you just popped a 12-year-old out of your snatch.

Sincerely, irritated by your redundancy.

Dear little sister,

I am so glad I took you to the library to help you learn sign language so you could befriend the deaf kid at school.

Sincerely, just watched you sign "I do" to him.

Dear guys in the locker room

I apologize for checking you out during gym class, but try to understand my situation. If you were in a room with twenty naked chicks, you would look too.

Sincerely, still in the closet

Dear doctor,

I'm not pregnant, I am not sexually active, nor have I ever been. I am not being bullied, I'm not anorexic and I don't make myself puke to get thinner. I have friends, my teachers aren't mean, my parents are not abusive and the absolute only thing stressing me out is all your stupid questions!

Sincerely, can't a girl just have a stomach ache?

Dear people,

Please help, I'm 20 years old and I can't get a better job than at a fast food place. I'm socially awkward, and my only co-worker hates me. I'd complain, but my boss only cares about money. I'd leave, but I can't pass my drivers test, or any test I've ever taken. I'm in love with one of my only friends; she's a smart, athletic, gorgeous southern belle, but, I'm stuck in the friend zone. My only other friend is this guy who i'm pretty sure only talks to me, because he's mentally handicapped. To top it all off, I live in a freaking pineapple.

Sincerely, Spongebob S Pants.

Dear Christians who protest everything,

Please go back and reread your Bibles. It's "love thy neighbor" not "condemn thy neighbor to hell just because you don't agree with them on something."

Sincerely, a loving Catholic girl.