hey, my names ella
i'm 16
and my laptops retarded
it won't let me update ANYTHING (or even put stuff on)
i'v written 5 storie, and i'm working on getting them up right now
bye for now ELLA
lira'smoon is my sisterrr i love her nh!!!!

Just 24 things my mother taught me :P

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.

"If you two are going to kill each other, at least do it outside. I just finished cleaning!"

2. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.

"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week."

3. My mother taught me LOGIC.

"Because I said so, that's why."

4. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.

"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you aren't coming to the store with me!"

5. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.

"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident.

6. My mother taught IRONY.

"Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."

7. My mother taught me about THE SCIENCE OF OSMOSIS.

"Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"

8. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.

"Will you look at the dirt on the back of your neck!"

9. My mother taught me about STAMINA.

"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

10. My mother taught me about WEATHER.

"Your room looks like a tornado went through there!"

11. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.

"If I've told you once, I've told you a million times, don't exaggerate!"

12. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.

"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out of it too!"

13. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.

"Stop acting like your father!"

14. My mother taught me about ENVY.

"There are millions of less fortunate children around the world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!"

15. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.

"Just wait until we get home!"

16. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.

"You're going to get it when we get home!"

17. My mother taught me about MEDICAL SCIENCE.

"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they're going to freeze that way!"

18. My mother taught me about ESP.

"Put your sweater on! Don't you think I know when you're cold?"

19. My mother taught me HUMOR.

"When the lawnmower cuts off you toes, don't come crying to me!"

20. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.

"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

21. My mother taught me GENETICS.

"You're just like your father."

22. My mother taught me about MY ROOTS.

"Shut that door! Do you think you were raised in a barn?"

23. My mother taught me WISDOM.

"When you're my age, you'll understand."

24. My mother taught me JUSTICE.

"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

You gotta love your BFFs :P

FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail.

BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you sayin "DAMN!" we *ed up!

FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.

BEST FRIENDS: Wont tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when your not down anymore.

FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number.

BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial.

FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.

BEST FRIENDS: Loses your shit and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue."

FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you.

BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...

FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.

BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you

FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.

BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME."

FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone.

BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell.

FRIENDS: Are only through highschool/college. (aka: drinking buddies)

BEST FRIENDS: Are for life.

FRIENDS: Will be there to take your drink away from you when they think you've had enough.

BEST FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place & say "Bitch drink the rest of that ! You know we don't waste!

More thing I found kinda funny :)

Do not run in the school hall, gliding is more fun.

Officer, I swear to Drunk I am not God!

When life gives you lemons, throw the lemons back at life at tell it to make it's own damn lemonade

Enjoying the "Great Outdoors" would be better if it were great.

Arguing with yourself is normal. It's when you argue with yourself and lose that's weird.

Sometimes I wonder, "Why is the Frisbee getting bigger?" Then I get hit in the face.

Of course it's in the last place you look for it. Why in hell would you keep looking for it if you already found it.

When you get caught looking at him, just remember he was looking back.

You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder.

Whoever said "Nothing's impossible" never tried slamming a revolving door.

Silence is golden but duck tape is silver

You know it's a bad day when you fall out of bed and you miss the floor.

Having the love of your life say "We can still be friends" is like having your dog die, and your mom say you can still keep it.

I called your boyfriend gay, and he hit me with his purse.

Being mature is overrated.

Being weird is like being normal, only better.

I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me.

I'm so gangster, I carry a squirt gun.

I was gifted but the psychiatrist took away my super powers.

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us how to walk and talk, then the rest of our lives telling us to sit down and shut up.

Excuse me. Have you seen my sanity? I think I've lost it...

I used to care, but I take a pill for that now.

I can resist anything but temptation.

They say, "Guns don't kill people. People kill people." Well, I think the gun helps. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.

One day we're going to look back at this, laugh nervously, then change the subject.

When it rains on my party, I bust out the slip 'n slide.

I don't obsess, I think intensely.

Evening news is where they say, "Good Evening" then proceed to tell you why it's not.