Well...i don't really have much to say about myself...im kinda a boring person. =P well im not really boring i just have noooooo idea what to write.I have a really short attention span ^-^ (usually) so i find it hard to stick with writing one long story. so, sorry if that bugs anyone. Im currently working on some storys but i havn't put them up yet...im kinda scared to put stuff on fanfic just to have them totally rejected .

My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished
cleaning."

My mother taught me RELIGION
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

My mother taught me TIME TRAVEL
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of
next week!"

My mother taught me LOGIC
" Because I said so, that's why."

My mother taught me MORE LOGIC
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to
the store with me."

My mother taught me FORESIGHT
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident ."

My mother taught me IRONY
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

My mother taught me CONTORTIONISM
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

My mother taught me about the WORLD
"The earth does not revolve around you little missy!"

My mother taught me about STAMINA
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

My mother taught me WEATHER
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

My mother taught me HYPOCRISY
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION
"Stop acting like your father!"

My mother taught me: ENVY
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION
"Just wait until we get home."

My mother taught me: RECEIVING
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

My mother taught me: MEDICAL SCIENCE
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that
way."

My mother taught me: ESP
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

My mother taught me: HUMOR
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

My mother taught me: HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

My Mother taught me: Genetics
"I swear you're just like your father."

My Mother taught me about my Roots
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

My Mother taught me Wisdom
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

My mother taught me about Justice
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you"

Regular lions say ROAARR. Angry lions say BLARGAROARIMMAEATYOU. Sad lions say roooaaar. Mountain lions say: OMGEDWARDCULLENRUN!

Some see the glass half full, some see it half empty. Me? i just want to know who the hell is drinking my damn soda.

I dream of a better world...where chickens can cross roads without having their morals questioned.

The greener grass on the other side is probably just artificial turf.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

He who laughs last didn't get it.

Never knock on Death's door-ring the bell and run away. Death really hates that.

Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?

When angry, count to ten, when very angry, swear.

Education is important; school however, is another matter.

Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.

High School Musical 3 and Saw V were the two top movies at the box office when they opened. One depicted gruesome on screen torture. The other was about a guy with a saw.

It takes 47 muscles to frown, 13 to smile and absolutely none to sit there with a dumb look on your face.

Isn't it ironic . . . we ignore those who adore us, adore those who ignore us, hurt those who love us, and love those who hurt us.

Don't follow in my footsteps . . . I run into walls.

Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.

Save the earth. It's the only planet with chocolate.

No I won't go to hell! It has a restraining order against me.

I'm not so good with the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?

The dinosaurs' extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all commited suicide.

Sometimes I wonder, "Why is the frisbee getting bigger?" Then it hits me.

Basic Definitions of Science: If it's green or wiggles, it's biology. If it stinks, it's chemistry. If it doesn't work, it's physics.

Don't fall for someone unless they're willing to catch you.

My mind works like lightning, one brilliant flash and it's gone.

If you know me, chances are you hate me.

Heaven doesn't want me and hell is afraid I'll take over.

When you get caught looking at him, just remember, he was looking back.

Sometimes, people just build walls up not to keep others out, but to see who cares enough to break through.

The cracks in the cement are a reminder that no matter how strong you may be, you can break.

Anyone can be called a father, but only some can be a dad.

Just because I'm smiling doesn't mean I'm happy...because it takes one smile to cover up a million tears.

If the heart is one of the strongest muscles, why is it so easy to break?

Friends are like butt cheeks, shit may come between them, but they always stick together.

I like the idea of karma; you can go around and do bad things to people all day assuming they deserve it.

Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted all the time and have the time of your life.

Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean that they're not out to get you.

Remember what you just said, because tomorrow I am going to have a witty and sarcastic comeback and you'll be devastated then!

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.

I'd rather be hated for who I am than be loved for who I'm not.

My favourite word is sarcasm.

Percussive maintenance - the art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again

A piece of cheese could come up with a plan more cunning than that.

I'm not insane... i just do whatever the voices tell me to.

Boys are like trees-they take 50 years to grow up.

Life isn't passing me by; it's trying to run me over.

Having the love of your life say you can still be friends is like having your dog die and your mom saying you can still keep it.

Was that an earthquake, or did I just rock your world?

Don't hate yourself in the morning-sleep till noon.

When I say LOL I'm not laughing out loud. I just have nothing better to say.

I was gifted, but the psychiatrist took away my powers.

You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder.

I'm the kind of girl who will burst our laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened yesterday.

When it rains on my party, I bust out the slip n' slide.

When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it.

If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with "Quit while you're ahead"?

Good Friend VS Best Friend:

A good friend helps you up when you fall down. A best friend laughs and trips you again. Or sits on you back and forces you to stay down...

A good friend will comfort you when he rejects you. A best friend will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"

A good friend will be there for you when he breaks up with you. A best friend will prank call him and whisper, "You will die in seven days..."

A good friend helps you up when you fall. A best friend keeps on walking saying, "Walk much?"

A good friend picks up your papers in the hallways at school when you drop them. A best friend stands there and laughs while you scramble to pick them up.

A good friend helps you find your prince. A best friend kidnaps him and brings him to you.

A good friend gives you their umbrella in the rain. A best friend takes yours and says, "Run bitch, run!"

A good friend will help you move. A best friend will help you move the bodies.

A good friend will bail you out of jail. A best friend would be sitting next to you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!"

A good friend never asks for anything to eat or drink. A best friend helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food.

A good friend calls your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandma, by Grandpa. A best friend calls your parents DAD and MOM and Grandma, GRAMPS!

A good friend asks you to write down your number. A best friend has you on speed dial.

A good friend borrows your stuff for a few days and then gives it back. A best friend loses your junk and tells you, "My bad... here's a tissue."

A good friend only knows a few things about you. A best friend could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...

A good friend will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing. A best friend will kick the whole crowds butt that left you.

A good friend would knock on your front door. A best friend will walk right in and say "I'm home!"

A good friend will help me find my way when I'm lost. A best friend will be the one messing with my compass, stealing my map and giving me bad directions.

A good friend will help me learn to drive. A best friend will help me roll the car into the lake so I can collect insurance.

A good friend will watch my pets when I go away. A best friend won't let me go away without them.

A good friend will go to a concert with me. A best friend will kidnap the band with me.

A good friend hides me from the cops. A best friend is probably the reason they are after me in the first place.

A good friend lets me make an idiot of myself in public. A best friend is up there with me making an idiot out of herself too.

A good friend is only through school/college. A best friend is for life

i saw this and i just couldnt stop laughing, i might actually do this some day ;)

Paper, Scissors, Rock:

I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is paper is supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? Why the hell can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why isn't notebook paper constantly suffocating students while they take notes in class? I'll tell you why: because paper can't beat anybody; a rock would tear paper up in seconds. When I play 'rock, paper, scissors', I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to beat me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my already clenched fist and say, "Oh, I'm sorry. I thought paper would protect you!"