Miles desperately needs a way to get rid of an unwanted admirer, and what better way is there than to pretend to date his very male, straight best friend and rival? It sounded so foolproof in his head...

Because every ninja comes from somewhere. Lacking a presence in any ninja village, the Haruno are a clan just the same. Beholden to the traditions of her family, Sakura is changed, as are Team Seven's dynamics. What will become of them?

Wherein Sakura learns why growing up among sociopaths is ill-advised. UchiSaku. AU, most definitely. NEW CHAPTERS.

"Last Tuesday, you threatened to beat him with a broom if he took the last slice of blueberry pie in the fridge." "But I like pie." A collection of one-shots. Itasaku.

They thought that the marriage happened for all the wrong reasons. If only they tried to read the truth behind each other's actions, then perhaps they would see that they could have been happy together.

After years of silence the Akatsuki are active again. Her allies uncertain, the Godaime sends two teams - one for a potential offensive strike and another for covert surveillance. Who would have guessed that Shikamaru and Sakura could fake it as newlyweds so well? ShikaSaku with early (one-sided) hints of SasuSaku. COMPLETE.

Dios is braver than he realizes.

It was the little moments that one remembered. Shinji/FeMC collection #12 Oddity: "Is there a reason you're carrying that around?"

From meetings, to first kisses, to laughter, to rivalries, to heartache, to utter adoration, these letters will give an inside look into the relationship between Luke and Molly through Luke's eyes.

AU - All choices have repercussions. At the time, he hadn't even realized he'd made a choice, but it would change his entire future: for better or for worse. Full game spoilers. -Thanks to Ladynadiad and Trystle for helping with the editing-

Based on the book, this story takes place in the time after Howl's and Sophie's curses have been broken. A tender romance blooms, but nothing is ever simple for Sophie! When a part of Howl's past resurfaces, what will she do? Be wary of twisted plots. Noncon TW later on, will be noted in chapter.

Ike falls asleep in a ballroom, giving Soren a chance to reflect.

In the face of an oncoming winter, the Greil Mercenaries are more aware of their lacking funds than ever. Realizations about his staff officer's sacrifices bring Ike to a new understanding. Ike/Soren

5 times Klavier lied to the camera, and one time he didn't.

This was the first and last time Luka would try internet dating.

FE9. The rest of the mercenaries question Soren's bizarre battle tactics. Originally written for round 14, 'game mechanics,' of fe-contest on livejournal. Posted here after the fact for archiving purposes.

Eirika thought she knew all about the pictures made in the stars. As it turns out, Saleh sees them differently. Eirika/Saleh.

Take this sinking boat and point us home. We've still got time. Sakura time travel fic.

From watching her heal the sick and throttle the living daylights out of her best friend, Itachi discovers that there's a lot more to Haruno Sakura than he expects. Non-massacre. Itasaku.

20 things she left behind, and 20 people that remembered

Sakura finds a man who claims to be a ninja in her apartment. Not only is he a ninja, but apparently he's Uchiha Itachi, her ex-fiance. Oh boy. ItaSaku

Kyouya oversleeps and awakens into the Low Blood Pressure Demon Lord. The Host Club sends Haruhi to placate him but the encounter leaves both of them questioning what they really think and feel about each other. Updated, Epilogue.

Dumbledore locks Harry and Snape in the Room of Requirement. Harry's magic works, and Snape's doesn't. Will they kill each other? No slash.

Because he couldn't save everyone. Oneshot

[Devil Survivor, Naoya/MC] MC has decided to be the Messiah, and his cousin deserves to hear the news first hand. But private time with Naoya always ends up like this, and five years is plenty of time for conditioning. Warnings inside.

Itachi and Sakura. A life lived and shared. Companion piece to 'Shades of Sunrise.'

When one brother rose, the other fell. ItaSakuSasu.

In which Sakura is injured and Itachi is nothing she expected. On hate and healing, anger and adoration, and how easily everything can change. – Itachi x Sakura. AU

Mark the prodigious 13-year-old tactician has never lost a soldier in battle. Herein lies his secret.

AU. She was told that she had been only four years old when a tall, silver-haired young stranger had been found bleeding and unconscious in the rice field of a Haruno serf.

Gilbert's managed the art of awkwardness just fine.

Devil Survivor. Once innocence is lost there's no finding it again. They didn't know that, how could they? There's so much they couldn't have known, but apparently ignorance has never been an excuse. Naoya grew up after everything came tumbling down.

Him and Shinjiro could be best friends now, probably, what with the whole getting shot, having a dead girlfriend thing. — Junpei/Yukari, Junpei/Chidori, Minako.

Where a hero and a monster are one and the same. — AU, Ryoji/FeMC role reversal.

A bunch of drabbles linked together in some story fashion. Elizabeth and Theodore leave the Velvet Room to visit the Dorm. Most pieces will be told from Theodore's point of view, since he's the best character ever. AU where Minako and Minato co-exist.

Pre-game. Naoya finds a foolproof way to secure his victory. Protagonist/Naoya yaoi, sex, dubcon, spoilers.

She’s still not used to intimate touches, and neither is he, but he couldn’t help himself because she looked too beautiful in the moment, and he tells her so. Oswald/Gwendolyn

On a double date with Hikami Itaru and Onada Chiyomi, Saeki Teru realizes something important.

A collection of \\HajixSaya/ drabbles, ficlets and oneshots that range from fluff to suggestive and mature. Rated M for some chapters, others are T. Based on the anime, not on the manga.

Post-Naoya's Route. You're the demon Overlord and Naoya hasn't found a way to take that from you so for now... you're safe. But for how long? Let's survive. Protagonist/Naoya yaoi, sex, character death, major spoilers.

He gets what he wants; always, perhaps, maybe, never. – Akihiko. Akihiko/FeMC.

No one ever left the Empress's company the same way, and perhaps that was why he sought her. AU. Prize fic for the Kakasaku Tarot Art contest.

Ken has this dream. Ken/Minako, Ryoji/Minako.

Touch is a privilege Ryoji has; desire, on the other hand, is not only his. Ryoji/FeMC/Akihiko.

Falling in love from beginning to end. Pure fluff. Written for the kakasaku Anonymous Exchange on LJ for xwishingagainx.

Czeslaw and an Oedipus complex, but not quite.

Czeslaw and Firo can make this whole family thing work out. Sort of.

A ring; a promise, a representation of eternity, some kind of sick, twisted marriage proposal that made her toes curl. ItaSaku. Written for the fabulous Half Elven as part of the ItaSaku Fic Exchange 2010.

I don't see you smiling, and you're really very happy.

What happens when the mafia boss has his sights set on you? You can run and you can hide, but in the end Blood Dupre always gets what he wants. This story is set after chapter 25 of the manga.

October 4. Shortly before midnight, Shinjiro prepares.

A series of short stories focusing on Akihiko and the female protagonist. final chapter - INFINITY - It wasn't over. It never would be.

Totally AU. If the Potters had accepted Dumbledores help. Not Slash

It all happened through a series of Halloweens. He met her, and gradually, fell harder every year. Nothing was ever simple. Non-massacre.

It struck her sometimes how little she knew her own brother.

And anyway the girls didn't think he knew those sorts of things.

She had thought he was gone. Now he'd appeared at her door. After the end. Spoilers, P3/P4, Min/Yuk, with light Sou/Ris, Chie/Aki, Jun/Chid, and Nao/Kan

FE10; Kink meme request for a semi-serious ficlet about the Dawn Brigade moping after they get their asses completely handed to them by the Greil Mercenaries.

Plato was right. We're all of us immortal. We couldn't die if we wanted to. Akihiko-centric teenage angst; falling in serious like with a girl who is either his soulmate, a complete nutcase, or a figment of his imagination.

After the end - all the days of the quiet boy who became the seal, the people he saw, and how he found his way home. P3/P4. Spoilers, Theories, light touches on the pairings: Mi/Yu, Sou/Ris, Nao/Kan

He imagines kissing the center of her palm. He imagines breaking every finger. — MinakoRyouji

Alternate Universe. When Akiyama Shinichi's favorite student finds herself in an impossible predicament, he has to help out.

Haruno Sakura, you are sentenced to death for the murder of Uchiha Sasuke.

It's a beautiful lie. AkihikoxFeMC

Persona 3 Portable, one-shot. Shinjiro Aragaki, an MP3 player, and memories of a dead girl.

Persona 4. "What's sex?" Teddie asked. "Um," Yosuke answered intelligently. OR: Why not to give Teddie sex ed in the middle of Junes. Yosuke, Teddie, Souji, and a whole world of awkward.

It all starts with a boy in her mirror. Minako/Minato FeMC/MC

Persona 4 In retrospect, allowing someone who thought the things growing in the deepest recesses of his uncle's fridge were edible to make lunch for the team was a Bad Idea.

P3P. Honey, death is cheap. — Minako, Shinjiro, Ryoji

In which Flynn attempts to expose Yuri for the dirty scoundrel he is, and ends up married as a result. Well done. — FlynnEstelle

Akiyama and Nao meet up at a Tanabata festival. Contains carnival games and unabashed fluff.

GoOd moRning. Here iS today's NEWS. At 13:13 in ##ERROR##, YHVH will terminate an uprising led by the King of Bel. Victim DEAD: Shujinkou. HaVe a nICe daY.

AU Souji Seta is a male stripper, and Yosuke Hanamura is the supposedly straight guy who can't stop stopping by to watch the show. Kanji also makes a flamboyant appearance of his own. Souji/Yosuke oneshot.

In which Akiyama is a dirty man and an incurable romantic. — AkiyamaNao

Albus Severus and Lily Luna Potter are nothing like Severus expected them to be.

A chance meeting coupled with a series of aggravations... It was just too hot for this. ItaSaku. Non-Mass.

Yosuke deals with six hundred thirty-seven kilometers. - Persona 4, post-ending, starring Yosuke's exceptionally dense self and Souji as Voice on the Phone -

AU. ONESHOT. SASUSAKU with a side of ITACHI. In which two is company and three is clearly a crowd. Really, it was all Sasuke's fault, anyway.

Naoya has been planning this for a long, long time. Devil Survivor story

Rise complains about the paparazzi. Solving problems is what Souji does.

A young mother tempts fate... and fate decides to have some fun at her expense. AU, set about sixteen or seventeen years before Persona 4. TRUE ENDING SPOILERS if you know how to look

Sequel to The Evil Hair Clip. A strand of ribbon leads to a bit of punching, bruising, stalking, running… and kissing. Sakura can only blame herself for it. Non-massacre AU.

No one knows how important Fujioka Haruhi is to the members of the Host Club, not even Haruhi herself. However, when she is inexplicably absent, they each learn just how much they care for her as they search to find her before the thunderstorm breaks.

It was foolproof. He had worked out every plan, every detail and each possible outcome almost guaranteed him Elizaveta's love. Until it was ruined by Gilbert's two cockblocking best friends. Gilbert/ElizavetaAU

Souji cooks, Dojima eats, and in between tofu croquettes and lasagne al forno, a new kind of life begins to emerge. -Persona 4, Dojima & family-

Nao finds a strangely familiar boy, and she and Akiyama discover a connection in their past that goes much deeper than they originally thought. Akiyama x Nao.

Of all the places to run into your ex-wife, the Battle of Berlin has to be one of the worst. -Edelweiss Arc.-

Soren waits up for Ike's return on a snowy evening. Ike/Soren.

Two countries, their circumstantial evidence, and a very long history of denial. — PrussiaHungary

A chibi-ItaSakuDei, young Itachi and Deidara are forced by their mothers to spend some kiddie time at the playground together. Thankfully, there's a pink-haired three-year-old to amuse them..

Four years ago, she was Uchiha Sakura, wife to the most powerful ruler of Nippon-koku. Under the secrets and lies, the wheels start to turn again when she receives a call from a man that she thought to be dead.

KakaSaku. War is coming to Konoha and Sakura is far from home, uncertain of her future. But one thing is for sure, Sakura will protect her unborn child at all costs, whether it be from Konoha's enemies... or from its own father.

A complication. This was a complication. An unnecessary unknown in his fragile equation. ItaSaku

Four years is too long to be lonely. Tsukushi, the weed, is only human and Rui is no saint. RxT, TxT

Dojima tries to be a responsible parent, but it's hard to be a parent to a boy who is practically raising himself. --Persona 4, humor, implied Souji/Yosuke--

The inherently male part of him demands to know what in the hell is taking him so goddamn long. ::Akiyama/Nao::

Itachi never paid much attention to the antics of his admirers, including the gifts they sent. However when a gift, presumably from one of them, landed him in hospital, he could no longer disregard it. Non-massacre AU. Ita/Saku. 50 shinobi Theme No: 14

Persona 4 - Music is more than an interest or even an obsession for Yosuke. It's a lifeline. It's the only thing that keeps him hanging on.

P4/P3:PSP. Two wildcards can't co-exist, but sometimes the threads cross over. Souji meets the girl with potential.

When it happens, they're both about three quarters of the way drunk. One-sided Fukunaga x Akiyama. Implied Akiyama x Nao.

“Haruno, Sakura. Classification: Missing-nin. Activity: Akatsuki. Defection from Konoha: Three years ago. Reason for defection: Unknown. Would you like to tell me why?”

Persona 4. The effect of Fear magic on each team member.

Persona 4. The most successful villain of all.

Doujima, Souji/Naoto; oneshot ― It is at that time when he sees a sight that he cannot unsee.

ItaSaku. In which Sakura discovers the true meaning of theoretical strategy. In which Shisui is a mean but brilliant schemer. In which Shikamaru really doesn’t want to know.

-Oneshot; COMPLETE- What's a parent to do if your child is killed and someone else is in his place?

Because even girls in love have needs. — Sakura/Karin.

If there was one thing Shin'ichi Akiyama was good at, it was dirty little games. And he could be devious, especially when it came to his girlfriend and their intimate situations. Nao x Akiyama

He was lucky to have scored this date with her. She'd saved his life, and ever since, he couldn't get her off his mind. But did she have to talk about that guy so much? Miura x Nao x Akiyama .

A sequel to "Porcelain Doll & Mirror Image." Sasarai meets Sarah again and learns a little of her story.

Nao meets Fukunaga at the mall. Hilarity ensues. AkiyamaxNao implied

Whoever said door to door salesmen were annoying was absolutely, positively, most definitely right. Hidan/Sakura. Mature Humor.

Deidara & Sakura. He was peculiar and a little too observant for her tastes, but he was also alone, just like her, at the fault of this supercilious war. So she would dance with him, just until they could both forget how much they had lost.

Some funny things I think up of while playing/ watching my brother play Persona 3! Guaranteed laughs! Updates will be slow! Read bottom of my profile for reason why.

Short stories about Sai, Sakura, and their strange attempts at bonding. Eleven: Sai throws a jealous rampage, or at least he thinks he does.

For people with short attention spans. Persona 4, condensed into 1585 words. T rated, crackfic. Not recommended for people without a sense of humor.

What if Nanako had been the protagonist of Persona 4, with Souji as her adorable little cousin? An AU. Main fic is complete; series of microfics expanding the original story is still in-progress. Spoilers for the True Ending.

CRACK. Facebook is addictive, even to ninja. Uchiha Sasuke is annoyed, Uchiha Karin is sad, and Uzumaki Naruto and Haruno Sakura are now engaged. Confused? The MiniFeed has all the answers.

P4. “So senpai,” Rise spoke, “hypothetically speaking, who would top?" Souji/Yosuke

Howl's Moving Castle with a twist...Rather than getting cursed, Sophie get's her heart stolen by the Witch of the Waste...Now What! SophieHowl

-Persona 4- ... A small, rather insignificant rumor makes Yosuke paranoid. Oh, and he’s absolutely, positively, sure he’s NOT gay for Souji. Souji/Yosuke. FINISHED!

Itachi/Sakura. There were many things that Sakura couldn’t see, but she couldn’t believe that she was blind enough to miss something as big as this.

A shory Himuro Reiichi introspective on Hazuki Kei and the heroine.

"Sasuke Uchiha, did you just sell me to your crazy older brother?" How Sasuke, Sakura, and Naruto learn that stealing Christmas trees off the Interstate is not the way to go. With help from Law Enforcement Agent Itachi Uchiha, of course. ItaSaku AU.

For the Greater Good. Harry understands this.

Sakura wonders why, of all men in Konoha, she has to fall for him. But when this 'phase' just won't go away, it seems the world may just be against her confessing anything remotely romantic to him. Ita/Saku. Non-Massacre.

In which Sakura and Itachi have to work on the same side in order to crash a Halloween party. While dressed up as Sailor Moon and Tuxedo Mask. Kisame is amused. Itachi and Sakura? Not so much.

Sasarai meets a mystery girl at a party while Sarah wonders what it would be like if Luc loved her.

A collection of fluffy stories involving the Kuran family mostly when Kaname / Yuki are children .

It is a truth universally acknowledged that every action has an equal and opposite reaction - a concept that Itachi never fully understood, prior to this. ItaSaku, complete.

Sakura and Itachi, and why maybe running away isn't giving up after all.

Even Ike couldn’t be oblivious forever Ike/Soren

The first time she saw him was when she was five. The second time he was already in too deep. And the third time her young heart was stolen. Non-Massacre. Ita/Saku. Complete.

What started out as a supposedly chance encounter turned into a rather disquieting experience at a resort, and then everything got turned upside down. Hidan and Sakura.

I like your um, raincoat, Sasuke. It brings out your eyes. And it's very... dignifying.

He supposed that compared to his usual day this might be a tad bit more interesting. After all, arguments make the best conversations. ShinreiYuya

Sequel to A Very Berry Unlucky Day. After Kei's little outburst, everyone at school thinks Narumi and Kiri are going out. Only they aren't! But will they? Who knew little Kei could cause so much to happen! N x K DISCONTINUED

It never did run smooth, and it holds true for Itachi and Sakura. But maybe they'll get their happily-ever-after... eventually. Non-massacre AU. ItaSaku. Oneshot.

Seventeen years of Soren's life, from hopelessness to happiness. Ike/Soren.

Sakura, tired and frustrated by her teammates and Kakashi, decides to steal one of her sensei's precious books. Will she regret it?

Kyoya attempts to offer Haruhi a job. Haruhi attempts to reject it. But it's not just a job he's offering, if she'd only listen. Kyoya/Haruhi

[Kakasaku] A mission gone awry lands two squeakyclean ninja in the Konoha Prison for a week. One cell. Seven Days. What could possibly happen? [Aside from the obvious throttling, of course. This is Kakashi and Sakura we’re talking about].

Sakura finds out that what she can learn in the safety of a chemistry lab doesn't always apply on a mission with Hatake Kakashi.

A collection of oneshots with all of them Sakura pairings. NEW POST: DeiSaku

Neither of them wanted an arranged marriage, or a secret, or these *feelings*. Things are about to get messy... KyouxHaru. COMPLETE.

Sakura’s mission is interrupted by Itachi’s interference. What will she do when he decides that he has an interest in her? ItaSaku Rated M for violence, language, and adult situations

In which Fuyumi’s firstborn son is corrupted by his uncle, Haruhi doesn't believe, and Kyouya has to instill some magic in said nephew's and Haruhi’s Christmas. Pronto. A KyouHaru twoshot.

ItaSaku Non Massacre Au. Itachi is impossibly persuasive as ever, Sakura finds herself a reluctant star in Jiraiya's perverted writings, Naruto is plain confused and Sasuke just wishes that he never woke up today.

When she started to heal the burned body in the forest, she’d thought he was Sasuke. Her mistake spun her world upside down. SAKURA. DEIDARA. When the world you know is not enough, where do you go to?

ItaSaku. Look at me, he whispered fiercely. I want you to look at me. Don't turn away.

P3. Short piece I wrote. Vague spoilers for SeptemberOctober. Shinji contemplates the new leader.

A series of oneshots set after Sunagakure belly dance. Views of everyday life in the shared world of Gaara and Sakura.

For many years the Wizarding World turned a blind eye. Now they must face the consequences as the tables are turned on them.

Saya and Diva's differences are clear as day. It's their sames that sometimes just smack you in the face...AU, WAFF, HajiSaya, KarlDiva.

Spoilers for DH. Another oneshot to add to the burgeoning collection as a followup to Deathly Hallows. A certain portrait through the years.

Courtship is defined by the biology text as a type of behavior in which an animal sends out stimuli such as sounds, visual displays, or chemicals in order to attract a member of the opposite sex. So, is it really all about the bathroom? HowlSophie

Yet another take on Harry's first Occlumency lesson with Snape.

[Itachi x Sakura] In a battle of deceit and control, Sakura comes on top the first time, but Itachi will not be played as the fool the next time around. Rated for possible upcoming mature themes.

AU, OOC. Lily and James go out, leaving Harry in his uncles'care, two of whom quickly learn never to let Sirius do the bedtime stories.

Digital Devil Saga I Some things even Dia won't heal. Serph silently considers an old wound and the changing world, though some things are always the same. But now he has a word for what they are to him. Or, Why Serph Almost Never Talks.

School has ended but the Host Club boys refuse to go their separate ways or relinquish their claim on a certain commoner. Living together was their only solution. But such a choice would come with a price. Kyoya knows that.

AU: In a world where the beginning was different, Harry rants on why he's turned out the way he has.

Haruhi starts getting strange flower deliveries at her house. She has absolutely no urge to figure out who the sender is, but with her father's, er, support, she discovers something unexpected. KyouxHaru

How might the plot have twisted if Yuya's 60 day lifeline had not been shortened? What if Shinrei had not been able to lift the curse? Plot departs from cannon starting with Volume 13. Please Enjoy.

[KakaSaku] Sakura knew why Tsunade didn’t want a virgin on this mission. Things might get out of hand. Acts might be carried out too far. She was glad Kakashi was accompanying her, but right then she wouldn’t have minded the entire population of Konoha.

Sasarai receives a special invitation to join an unusual club...

Meet Hidan, the religious fanatic. Meet Temari of the Sand, the no nonsense sister of Kankuro and Gaara. Watch what happens when they both happen to run into each other. Crackfic.

She said she'll marry him. After 24 hours. [SasuSaku] [complete version]

She said she'll marry him. After 24 hours.

Ignorance, Itachi mused, is bliss. And didn't Sakura know it. (VERY OLD and kept up as a rotting trophy of adolescent fanfiction forays.)

[SasuSaku] ”Things are different now. We’re not the same as before.” Oneshot.

Sakura attempts to break Kakashi's concentration while training. Will she succeed? Will he be able to resist?

It is the night before his first mission, and Azel can't sleep. [fluff, angst and a side dish of shounen ai]

MSN, Yahoo, AOL... They're all dangerous things. Don't think so? Ask Sasuke...

[AkiraxYuya] A series of AU, drama CDbased drabbles using LiveJournal 20AUs themes. Will attempt to have copious amounts of fluff and giggles, but don't kill me if some angst slips in...

Will the real Boy Who Lived please stand up? Snape is convinced that the second Potter twin is the one to worry about. Too bad no one else seems to agree. Oneshot.

Picking up the pieces is easy. It's fitting them back together that's hard. Narusaku. [COMPLETE]

Sakura formulates her own plan to get Sasuke back. Unfortunately, using Itachi as part of the plan is a huge gamble. Itasaku. Spoilers up to manga 235

AU, High School, the bane of the teenage existence. Toss in the gangs, the rivalries, the cliques, the existential angst and one twisted plot for revenge and no one will escape unscathed. Too bad no one saw that until it was too late.

Akira has an announcement for the group that concerns Yuya as well. Written for Challenge 6 on lovedeeper. Spoiler regarding Akira.

The past and the future are separate countries. The Lady Uchiha lingers on the bridge between them. [SasuSaku] [Futurefic]

[HMC] Curiosity killed the Sophie, but satisfaction might be even worse! COMPLETE!

Roy Mustang takes great care with his one night stands. [Indirect RoyxRiza]

After more than ten years in exile, Adean of Jungby returns home, finding things completely changed and unchanged at all.

Akira has a question to ask Yuya. Kyo and Benitora think too much. Okuni is evil. Cue laughter.

Shinrei's subconscious decides to torment him with a rather heady dream involving a certain blond haired bounty huntress. Manga based, minor spoilers. Lime. Oneshot.

In which Itachi, Team 7, a laptop, and the joys of discovering adultffnet are included. [crack!fic]

A Major and a Lieutenant. Another moon over a ruined town. A secret for two amidst the falling dustsnow and the sound of flies feeding on the dead. RoyRiza, Ishvar

Because even Itachi needs to be human sometimes, and she reminds him more than he wants to be. [Two oneshotsdrabbles]

[SasuSaku] Oneshot songfict. She's dying, and all he can do is hold her and watch...

How do you cope with the death of someone you love? Naruto and Sasuke deal with Sakura's sacrifice in different ways. [Complete]

Life is never easy but for some, its worse than others. Broken and being poisoned from the inside, Sakura has become the butterfly floating on the edges of reality. [complete, MF]

Like all good boys, Itachi writes home occasionally.

Being nearly a surrogate parent for tenyearold Tir McDohl, Gremio has had to deal with some difficult situations... but never one so awkward as this.