Welcome to my profile

About me:

I'm A girl.

I love reading.

I live in an English speaking country.

I moved away from the UK when I was young.

I am a citizen of 2 countries.

The first 3 numbers of my birth year are 199.

I'm weird and proud of it.

Fan fiction is my life. It is sad but then I relise it makes me happy and most of my friends love it to.

SUPER COOL QUOTES THAT I'VE FOUND ( You should seriously read them they are good)

Happiness is like a cake to much of it and you get sick of it.- Karl Pilckinson

Humor is reason gone mad.

I'm not saying your stupid I'm just saying you've got bad luck when it comes to thinking.

I love the sound you make when you shut up!

Karma takes too long I'd rather beat the crap out of you now.

Immature: a word boring people use to describe fun people.

Unless your name is Google stop acting like you know everything.

Dear Karma I have a list if people you missed

I hear voices and they don't like you

The police never think it as funny as you do.

The police love me they're always tacking my picture.

PETA people eating tasty animals.

Pissing of the planet one person at a time

Beer is proof god loves us and wants us to be happy- Benjamin Franklin

I'd tell you to go to hell but I work there and don't want to see you everyday

I can explain it to you but I can't understand it for you.

Zombie response team kill or be eaten

Contrary to popular belief nobody owes you anything

I haven't been the same since that house fell on my sister

As a matter of fact the whole world does revolve around me.

welcome to the dark side are you surprised we lied about the cookies.

How do I block you in real life.

You can't process me with a normal brain

I'm already going to hell now I just got to get a good spot.

I'm multi talented I can talk and piss people off at the same time

I shook my family tree and a bunch of nuts came out

Excuse me what level of hell is this

Zombies eat brains your safe

sarcasm the ability to insult idiots without them knowing

Sarcasm Because beating the crap out of people is illegal

Family isn't only the people we share are blood with but the ones we would give are blood for.

A synonym is a word you use when you can’t spell the word you first thought of

The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on

Don't follow in my footsteps; I tend to walk into walls.

You can't spell 'funeral' without 'fun', nor 'manslaughter' without 'laughter'.

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you're a mile away from them and you have their shoes.

Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

Duct tape is like the force, there’s a dark side, a light side, and it holds the universe together.

When life hands you lemons, throw them right back and tell life to make its own lemonade.

A stranger stabs you in the front, a friend stabs you in the back, and a boy stabs you in the heart, but a best friend just sits there poking you with a spork

We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.

The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research

I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you

'The sole purpose of a child's middle name, is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.

Good girls are bad girls that never get caught

Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said

I don't have an attitude; I have a personality you can't handle.

Sarcasm is a girl’s best friend.

You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.

Me and my girls, we don't just turn heads, we break necks.

I'm not random you just can't think as fast as me

What do I do when I see someone extremely gorgeous? I stare, I smile, and when I get tired I put down the mirror

WARNING: Children left unattended will be sold to the circus.

My girls and I are so cool; we get hit by park cars.

When you are in love and you get hurt, it's like a cut...it will heal, but there will always be a scar.

Beginnings are scary. Endings are usually sad, but it's the middle that counts the most.

However long the night, the dawn will break.

Live for today cause you never know what tomorrow can bring, or take.

At some point I'll finally tell you that I miss you.

When worse comes to worse, my girls come first!

I roll with the best and nothing less

A friend is one who knows you but loves you anyways.

I'm smiling because they haven’t found the bodies yet

They laugh at me because I'm different, I laugh at them because they're all the same.

Cheers...to another awkward moment

Love is like war--easy to begin, hard to end.

Most people don't act stupid -- it's the real thing.

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, and then used against you.

A day without sunshine is like, well, night.

If you can’t live without me, Why aren’t you dead yet?

Love your enemies. It'll make 'em crazy.

Silence is golden but duck tape is silver.

If aliens are looking for intelligent life WHY ARE YOU SCARED?!

Practice makes perfect...but some say nobody is perfect so why practice

I am a bomb technician... if you see me running try to keep up

When life give you lemons, keep them, because hey, free lemons.

Just because you're not paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you

Do not worry if others do not understand you. Instead worry if you do not understand others.

My imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems

Never take life to seriously... you’re not getting out of it alive

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of the people I killed because they were annoying.

If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

My mind is like a steel trap - rusty and illegal in 37 states.

Some people are like a slinky, not really good for anything but you can't help smiling when one tumbles down the stairs

Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

People like you are the reason people like me need medication.

I’m Out Of My Mind Feel Free to Leave a Message.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you ever tried

I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying

If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn't have a job if he was any smarter.

In order to get the handsome prince, you have to kiss a lot of toads.

Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.

I'm not paranoid! Which of my enemies told you this?

I’m not insensitive, I just don’t care.

A scientist will always look for the truth. A madman can make up his own truth

Whoever said that "words will never hurt me" was never under a bookshelf

The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they're going to be when you kill them.

Person #1: Happiness is just around the corner! Person #2: Too bad the world is round!

Come to the dark side. We have COOKIES!

When life gives you lemons squirt the juice in your enemies’ eyes

There's nothing wrong with taking to random objects, it's when they start to talk back that you need to worry.

Kids are the future. Be afraid. Be very afraid

There's a light at the end of every tunnel...let’s just hope it's not a train.

When you get caught looking at him, just remember, he was looking back!

I dream of a better world where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned.

I used up all my sick days...so I called in dead.

Real girls aren't perfect, perfect girls aren't real. You want a perfect girl? Go buy a Barbie

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep - not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

I smile because I have no idea what's going on!

One day, your prince will come. Mine? Oh, he just took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions.

One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.

Don't knock on death's door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that.

Whoever said nothing was impossible never tried slamming a revolving door...

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.

Of course I'm out of my mind! It's dark and scary in there!

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

If you can't convince them, confuse them.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed.

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving isn't for you.

What happens if you get scared half to death... twice?

Never do anything that you wouldn't want to explain to the paramedics.

I run with scissors, it makes me feel dangerous.

I had amnesia once--or twice. You know what? I don't really even remember.

Life isn't trying to pass me by; it's trying to run me over

When it rains on my parade, I bust out the slip 'n slide

They say 'guns don't kill people, people kill people.' well, I think that the gun helps. You wouldn't kill too many people standing there yelling 'BANG!'

Flying is simple: just throw yourself at the ground and miss

When someone is getting on your nerves, it takes 42 muscles to frown, 17 to smile, but only 4 muscles are needed to extend your arm and punch them

Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass it's about learning to dance in the rain

Nobody’s worth your tears and the ones that are won't make you cry

Everyday is a gift, that's why it’s called the present

I have the answer in my head; I just haven't found it yet

Life is not measured in the breaths we take but in the moments that take our breath away

Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

Behind every damsel is a fire breathing dragon

Don’t talk unless you can improve the silence

I'm a nobody, nobody's perfect, therefore I'm perfect

Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity got framed

The grass may be greener on the other side, but it's just as hard to mow

Life without danger is a waste of oxygen

one day, I was lying in bed thinking about life, and then I asked myself, 'Where did I go wrong?' and the little voice in my head answered, 'This is gonna take longer than one night'

Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side

The difference between school and life. In school, you're taught a lesson and then given a test on it. In life, you're given a test that teaches you a lesson

Without education we are in a horrible and deadly danger of taking educated people seriously

The first step on the way to victory is to recognize the enemy

Some of the most wonderful, dazzling successes are going to happen to some of the most awful, undeserving people you know - people, who are, in other words, not you

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt

A common mistake that people make when they are trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools

I've always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize that I should have been more specific

Life’s not fair and anyone tells you any different is trying to sell you something.

Friend you cry I cry your sad I’m sad you smile I smile you jump of a bridge I will miss your emails.

Life is like a box of chocolates it makes you fat and ugly.

When life gives you lemons make grapefruit juice and let life forever wonder how you did it.

Smile at everyone you meet it may not make you feel better but it will piss enough people off to make it worthwhile.

"I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control, and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best," - Marilyn Monroe

Home is where your heart is so your real home is in your chest.

Oops, I appear to have fallen on your lips. -

My heart is not a playground -

I'm not so good at advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment? -

I hate it when people say: "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade." Well, you know what; life never gave you water and sugar, so you can only make lemon juice.

"It's always in the last place you look" Well duh, who keeps looking after they found it.

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them more.

When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it.

I'd rather be hated for who I am than be loved for who I'm not.

1 universe, 9 planets, 204 countries, 807 islands, 7 seas, and I still had the unfortunate luck to meet YOU.

I would trust my best friend with my life, but NOT my phone or my Facebook.

When someone's laugh is so much funnier than the joke.

"Can I help you?" No, I just waited in line for 20 minutes to say 'hi'. "

Maybe its Maybelline!" ...or maybe it's Photoshop, who knows?

Sometimes, you got to hand it to short people. Because most of the time, they just can't reach it.

It's not that I hate you, no! Just put it this way, if you were on fire, and I had water... I'd drink it.

RIP to all those snowmen that died fighting in the snow

Don’t mess with me; I've got a stick

I call things as I see them; if I didn't see them, I make them up!

Please note: Christmas is cancelled - apparently you told Santa you were good this year ... and he died laughing

I have a gun... Would you like to buy some Girl Scout cookies?

I'm going on a quest, to the deepest, darkest corners of my room, in search of what some would call a "floor" - a long and difficult task awaits me my friends, wish me luck, for I may not return alive

You laugh now because you're older than me by mere months, but when you're 50 and I'm still 49, who will be laughing then?

Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, than weird is good.

"I didn't lose my mind, I sold it on eBay."

"I don’t suffer from insanity... I enjoy every minute of it."

I am NOT saying you’re stupid...I'm just implying it.

A wise man once said, "Ask a girl."

"Diamonds are a girl’s best friend...because they're sharper then knives."

Silence is golden, but duck tape is silver

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

People say "Money can't buy happiness," but it can buy marshmallows... isn't that the same thing?

Always forgive your enemies: Nothing annoys them more

The person who smiles when things go wrong has found someone to blame it on

I got you a present. It's a CD. I hope you don't have it already coz I don't have the receipt. I didn't exactly buy it.

I took the road less traveled... NOW WHERE THE HECK AM I?

If you wish on a falling star it might come true... Unless it's a meteor hurdling to earth... Then no wishes come true... Unless your wish was to be killed a meteor hurdling to earth.

Remember what you just said, because tomorrow I am going to have a witty and sarcastic comeback and you'll be devastated then!

I am not a loser. A loser is a window washer on the 44th floor who steps back to admire his work.

Normal is just a setting on washing machines.

I believe you should live each day as if it is your last, which is why I don't have any clean laundry because, come on, who wants to wash clothes on the last day of their life?

Life is like a pack of gum... I've yet to figure out why.

"I'm not afraid of Death. What's he gonna do, kill me?"

"He's never late. He runs like an expensive Swiss watch reproduced cheaply by China."

“You’ve got to love Dolly Parton for saying this: "People keep calling me a dumb blonde. I know that you're wrong though, because I know I'm not dumb, and I know I'm not blond!"

I'm not insensitive, I just don't care.

The only reason I'm here is because heaven wouldn't have me and hell was afraid I'd take over.

Taste the rainbow - Eat CRAYONS!

I ran with scissors - and lived!

Slinky Escalator = Endless fun!

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself: where the heck is my ceiling?

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

A secret admirer is only a stalker with stationary.

If you don't like my driving then stay off the sidewalk!

If you are reading this then step 1 of my EVIL PLAN is complete.

You say psycho like it's a bad thing...

Cute but psycho - things even out.

Hell issued a restraining order on me...oh the fun to be had!

You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

What you call stupidity, I call selective understanding.

If you're colour blind, eating sweets must be a completely different experience. "Come on starbursts, give me red!... LEMON, DAMNIT!"

I'm not so good with the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?

Love your enemies. It pisses them off.

The voices in my head may not be real but they still have pretty good ideas...

Oops! Did my sarcasm hurt your feelings?

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.

Embrace the inner rebel - don't sit up straight.

You're awesome... but when the zombies come, I'm tripping you.

I am not weird... just plotting.

I don't obsess! I think intensely!

Friend's will always be like “well you deserve better” but best friends will be prank calling him saying “you will die in seven days”

Boys are like trees-they take 50 years to grow up.

Excuse me... have you seen my sanity... I think I lost it.

364 days of the year, parents tell their kids not to take candy from
strangers, yet on Halloween, its encouraged! Why is that?

My mind works like lightning, one brilliant flash and it’s gone.

Stupidity is not a crime so you’re free to go.

“Hey guess who this is? You guessed it. Guess what you have to do now? You
guessed it. Guess what’s next? You guessed it...”

“An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed.”

Having the love of your life say you can still be friends is like having your dog die and your mom saying you can still keep it.

Was that an earthquake, or did I just rock your world?

My knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in aluminium foil.

Did you know Sarcasm is your body’s natural defense against stupidity?

Paper may beat rock, but cannon ball make big hole in paper.

The pen may be mightier than the sword, but my keyboard can crush your crummy pen

Last night I looked up at the stars and matched each star to a reason I loved you. I was doing fine till I ran out of stars.

To the world, you are just one person, but to one person, you are the world.

Charm is a way of getting the answer yes without asking a clear question.

Some minds are like concrete; thoroughly mixed and permanently set.

The town was so dull that when the tide went out it refused to come back in.

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

Don’t follow me, I’m lost too.

WARNING: Do NOT walk in my footsteps... I tend to walk into walls, and off the occasional cliff.

The world is full of crazy people. THEY MADE ME THEIR LEADER.

So what if we act like immature idiots? We’re having fun.

Do I have to spell it out for you or scream it in your face?

All things considered, insanity may be the only reasonable alternative.

When angry, count to ten, when very angry, swear.

Education is important; school however, is another matter.

I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound as they go by.

Music is love in search of word.

Whose cruel idea was it for the words ‘lisp’ to have an‘s’ in it?

How is it possible to have a civil war?

When French people swear do they say pardon my English?

Aren’t the ‘good things that come to those who wait’ just the leftovers from the people that got there first?

If the swat team breaks down your door do they have to replace it later?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, “I think I’ll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out”?

Isn't Disney World just a people trap operated by a mouse?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

If an atheist has to go to court, do they make him swear on the Bible?

Why are people so scared of mice, yet we all love Mickey Mouse?

Isn't it funny how the word ‘politics’ is made up of the words ‘poli’ meaning ‘many’ in Latin, and ‘tics’ as in ‘bloodsucking creatures’?

Why isn’t chocolate considered a vegetable, if chocolate comes from cocoa
beans, and all beans are a vegetable?

Why is it when some products you have to turn it upside down to read the directions, and the directions say do not turn upside down?

Why do people say, “You can’t have your cake and eat it too”? Why would someone get cake if they can’t eat it?

“When life hand you lemons, throw those lemons right back at it and tell life to make its own dang lemonade”

Assassination is an extreme form of censorship.

You say I’m not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I’m not cold, I’m hot. I know I’m hot. Thanks for embracing it.

Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much.

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

Darth Vader- "Come to the dark side. We have COOKIES!"
Luke Skywalker- "Nah, the rebels have cake."
Darth Vader- "ooh! Can I be a rebel?!"

I’m the kind of girl who will burst out laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened yesterday.

Of course I’m talking to myself. Who else can I trust?

Let me know if anything I say offends you, I might wanna offend you later.

One way to figure out how things work, push all the buttons!

I’m so gangster, I carry a squirt gun.

When I say LOL I’m not laughing out loud. I just have nothing better to say.

I was gifted, but the psychiatrist took away my powers.

All the good ones are gay, married, or fictional characters in books or movies.

The greatest challenge in life is to find someone who knows all your flaws, differences, and mistakes, and yet still sees the best in you

“When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it.”

Those who don’t learn from history are doomed to repeat it.”

“Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else”

“Real girls aren’t perfect, perfect girls aren’t real.”

“What is easy is not always right, and what is right is not always easy.”

“Guns don’t kill people. I do.”

“If you can’t see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.”

A recent survey stated that the average person’s greatest fear is having to give a speech in public. Somehow this ranked even higher than death which was third on the list. So, you’re telling me that at a funeral, most people would rather be the guy in the coffin than have to stand up and give a eulogy.

Unfortunately, you can’t die of a broken heart.

“He who stands on a windowsill to see how far out he can lean without falling is a moron.”

“Don’t judge a book by its cover or a person by their scars”

“It’s not until you’re broken that you know what you’re made of.”

“It requires MORE courage to suffer than to die.”

“You said that you would die for me, you must live for me too”.

“To die is nothing but a long goodbye.”

"If you so much as leave one syllable, I will hunt you down and gut you like a fish!-if you'd like to fax me, press the star key."

I hate irony

I intend to live forever...so far so good

Old enough to know better, young enough not to care

Between two evils, I always pick the one I've never tried

At the touch of love everyone becomes a poet – Plato

Love is a fire. But whether, it is going to warm your heart or burn down your house, you can never tell.

Dear pessimist optimist and realist

While you were debating about the water in the glass I drank it.

From the opportunist

Dear Voldemort

They messed your nose up to

From Michal Jackson

Dear Yahoo

I have never heard I don’t know that Yahoo it

From Google

Dear America

You gave us Miley Cyrus so you can't complain about Beiber

From Canada

Dear maths

I am NOT your therapist solve your own problems

10 Commandments of a Teenager

1. Thou shall not sneak out when parents are sleeping.
(Why wait that long?)

2. Thou shall not do drugs.
(Alcohol lasts longer, not to mention being cheaper.)

3. Thou shall not steal from K-Mart.
(Walmart has a bigger selection)

4. Thou shall not be arrested for vandalism.
(Destruction has a bigger effect, I can tell you all about this)

5. Thou shall not steal from your parents.
(Everyone knows grandma has more money)

6. Thou shall not get into fights.
(Cat fight anyhow...just start them.)

7. Thou shall not skip class.
(Just take the whole day off)

8. Thou shall not strip in class.
(Hooters pays more)

9. Thou shall not think about having sex.
(Like Nike says, "just do it")

10. Thou shall not help old ladies across the street.
(Just leave'm in the middle)

AMEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ;)

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION. "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC. "Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY. "Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. "Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck?"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA. "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. "If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. "Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY. "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. "Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. "You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP. "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR. "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS. "You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. "Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM. "When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE. "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

Friends

FRIENDS: Lend you their umbrella

BEST FRIENDS: Take yours and say 'RUN BITCH RUN!'

FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.

BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food.

FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa.

BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS!

FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail.

BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you sayin "DAMN! We fucked up!"

FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.

BEST FRIENDS: Won't tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when your not down anymore.

FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number

BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial.

FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.

BEST FRIENDS: Loses your crap and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue."

FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you.

BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...

FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.

BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds butt that left you

FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.

BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME."

FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone

BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell.

FRIENDS: Are only through high school/college.( Aka drinking buddies.)

BEST FRIENDS: Are for life.

FRIENDS: Will comfort you when the guy rejects you

BEST FRIENDS: Will go up to him and say 'its because your gay isn't it?'

FRIENDS: Will be there to take your drink away from you when they think you've had enough.

BEST FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place & say "Bitch drink the rest of that ! You know we don't waste!

Friends: Will give you advise when you ask for it

BEST FRIENDS: Know when you need some and help you before you have to ask.

FRIENDS: Will say you deserve better

BEST FRIENDS: Will call him and say "you have seven days to live" then hang up.

FRIENDS: Helps you up when you fall.

BEST FRIENDS: Keeps on walking saying, "Walk much, dummy?"

FRIENDS: Will help you move.

BEST FRIENDS: Will help you move the bodies.

FRIENDS: ask why you're crying

BEST FRIENDS: already have the shovel ready to bury the loser that made you cry

FRIENDS: Would ignore this letter

BEST FRIENDS: Will repost this crappp!!

FRIENDS: Would tell off your stalker for you.

BEST FRIENDS: Would tell you how to tease them and mess with their minds.

FRIENDS: Turn down the music when you ask them to.

BEST FRIENDS: Turn it up instead of down and smiles.

Girl Comebacks!

Man: Where have you been all my life?

Woman: Hiding from you.

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?

Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty?

Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: Your place or mine?

Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

Man: So, what do you do for a living?

Woman: I'm a female impersonator.

Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?

Woman: Do not enter.

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?

Woman: Unfertilized.

Man: Your body is like a temple.

Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: I would go to the end of the world and back for you.

Woman: But would you stay there?

Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.

Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put u and i together

Woman: Really, I'd put f and u together

Man: Your eyes they're amazing.

Woman: Seeing your back would be pretty amazing.

Man: "I know how to please a woman."

Woman: "Then what are you still doing here."

Man: "I want to give myself to you."

Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."

Man: "I'd go through anything for you."

Woman: "Good! Let's start with your bank account."

Man: "So, wanna go back to my place ?"

Woman: "Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?"

Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?"

Woman: "It's in the phone book."

Man: "But I don't know your name."

Woman: "That's in the phone book too."

Man: "Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason"

Woman: "Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!"

Man: "Haven't we met before?"

Woman: "Perhaps. I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic."