Name: As if I'd ever put my name on here. For all I know, you people could be ax murderers!
Favorite Colors: Black, dark blue, and dark purple. The colors of the night.
Beliefs: I don't believe in religion. There's no solid proof that God exists.
Age: Between 10 or 18. Your guess.
Birthday: June 26
Things to Know:
First off, I don't really check my messages. So, if someone sends me a message, don't expect me to answer right away.
Personally, I hate, hate, hate the Twilight Saga.
I'm a night person. I stay up late and wake up at 12:00am.
My new favorite movie is Vampires Suck. It pokes fun at Twilight. Look up the trailer.
I have a fear of bugs in general.
Yes, I'm usually more pessimistic than optimistic. Oh well.
My favorite food is chocolate, or anything sweet in general. I hate any green vegetable except celery. Green food (except for mint,) is like poison to me.
My favorite actor EVER is Hugh Laurie.
My favorite books are Percy Jackson and the Olympians, The Kane Chronicles, Harry Potter, Leven Thumps, any book by Eoin Colfer, Fablehaven, Night World, the House of Night, any book by Cornelia Funke, any books by Margaret Peterson Haddix, His Dark Materials, The Chronicles of Narnia, the Inheritance Cycle, The Chronicles of Chrestomanci, and any book by T. A. Barron, the Maximum Ride books, and any other books by Rick Riordan. Would you believe me if I told you I'd read many, many, more, and just didn't want to post them?
Cats Rock!
My favorite bands are Greenday, Paramore, Coldplay, and Fireflight.
I think Hannah Montana should go crawl in a hole and die.
My favorite TV shows are House, Fringe, and The Simpsons. I also like Animal Planet, and Discovery. The Vampire Diaries, Angel, and Buffy the Vampire Slayer are O.K.
I like to think of myself as a sort of environmentalist. Stop fucking up our planet, you stupid factories!
My favorite movies are The Simpsons Movie, Star Wars, and Avatar.
My favorite Web Show is Red vs. Blue.
Most of the time, I don't pay any attention to what people think about me. Unless it's good or really insulting. However, if someone insults my friends or family, I WILL most definitely be mad. I'm talking coming-after-you-with-a-chainsaw mad. Consider yourself warned.
In case you haven't already realized, I'm a dark person. Unless something is really good. Like if Global Warming didn't exist, or things like economic depressions and recessions didn't exist. Or if someone writes a really good story, like Rick Riordan did.
Unfortunately, I'm a diabetic. Too bad for me. In case you don't know, diabetes is this freaky disease that messes with your immune system.
I aspire to be a doctor. I don't mean to brag(actually I do,), but I'm a great pianist. That's why I like House.
Usually, I try to be honest, even if it hurts people. Take my brother, for example. I told him his shirt looked dorky and he got mad.
Personally, I think true love is overrated. I mean, deep down, no one is ever gonna love someone perfectly. Humanity is just weird that way. Seriously, the only guy I would ever love is a fictional character.
'If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.' Yeah, right.
My favorite fictional characters ever are Thalia Grace and Zoe Nightshade from The Titans Curse. Us girls can kick butt, too!
Has anyone ever noticed that there aren't that many action movies were a girl is the main character? I think that's sexist.
If I were going to a desert island and I could only take ONE thing, I would take a boat.
I know the Night World and the House of Night series are generally romance, and I usually hate all that mushy stuff, but those books have awesome creatures that kick butt while at the same time can have their butts kicked (unlike some stupid sparkly meyerpires,), so those books are OK.
Some people think I'm annoying, strange, or mean. Those people can think whatever they want, because I can't control what goes on in their heads.
95 percent of the teenage population would go into panic if Miley Cyrus was standing off a ledge of a 10 story building. Put this on your profile if you would be the 5 percent standing there with a megaphone screaming "Jump You Dumb Bitch, Jump!"
When life gives you lemons, give it back and yell, "Why can't you give me money?!"
When life throws you lemons, throw 'em back and yell, "It's on, Bitch!"
When life gives you lemons, alter their DNA and make SUPER LEMONS!
"With great power... comes great need to take a nap. Wake me later."- Nico Di Angelo
If your crazy, weird, a geek, a nerd and proud of it, paste this on your profile.
The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here."
The black man turned around and stood up. He then said:
"Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK,
When I grew up I was BLACK,
When I'm sick I'm BLACK,
When I go in the sun I'm BLACK,
When I'm cold I'm BLACK,
When I die I'll be BLACK.
But you sir,
When you're born you're PINK,
When you grow up you're WHITE,
When you're sick, you're GREEN,
When you go in the sun you turn RED,
When you're cold you turn BLUE,
And when you die you turn PURPLE.
And you have the nerve to call me colored?"
The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away...
Post this on your profile if you hate racism
I am the girl that doesn't go to school dances, or games, and when I do go, I sit in a corner and read a book. I am the girl that people look through when I say something. I am the girl that spends most of her free time reading, writing, or doing other activities that most teenagers wouldn't call normal. I am the girl that people call weird and a freak either behind my back or to my face. I am the girl that doesn't spend all her time on MySpace,or talking to a girlfriend on a cellphone or regular phone. I am the girl that hasn't been asked out in a year. I am the girl that has stopped to smell the flowers and jump and splash in the rain. BUT I am also the girl who knows and is proud to be who she is, doesn’t care if people call her weird (it's a compliment),who loves reading and writing and doing the things that no one seems to have the time to do any more, who loves and is obsessed with alot of things, who can express herself better with words than actions, who doesn't need a guy to complete her, and knows the importance of the little things. Copy and paste this onto your account, and add your name to the list, if you are anything like me, so the girls who are different and unique can know in their weakest time that they are unique but not alone-Bearhug946, EdwardCullenEqualsLife, Stephanie Deux, Aintzane411, BillieMaysSaysKaboom,Nuns N' Bagels, Damon.x.Baird.x, ita-chan01, Razzika, .Talithia-Hawk., xDazzledxPandax, xo-Bellawannabe-ox, S. M. Raleigh, MyHeroTheSeaweedBrain,
If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or pulled the handle on a door that said push, copy this into your profile!
I am the girl that people look through when I say something. I am the girl that spends most of her free time reading, writing, or doing other activities that most teenagers wouldn't call normal. I am the girl that people call weird, and a freak, either behind my back, or to my face. I am the girl that doesn't spend all her time on MySpace, or talking to a girlfriend on a cellphone or regular phone. I am the girl that stopped to smell the flowers and jump and splash in the rain.
But I am also the girl who knows and is proud of who she is, doesn't care if people call her weird (it's a compliment), who loves reading and writing and doing things no one seems to have the time to do anymore, who loves and is obsessed with Harry Potter (I still love HP but am obsessed with TDI), who can express herself better without words than with words, and knows the importance of the little things.
Copy and Paste this onto your account, and add your name to the list, if you are anything like me, so the girls who are different and unique can know in their weakest times that they are unique, but not alone.
~PrettyFanGirl, Truth Be Told 13, creative-writing-girl13, Jasper 1006, DubbleV, iStartRiots, CourtneyXDuncanForver, musicaltheatergirl-dxc4eva, trentxgwen-heart-, MyHeroTheSeaweedBrain.~
It's not poisonous.- Famous Last Words
For people that hate stereotypes: If you think people should just shut up and stop, put this on your profile. (BOLD the ones you are.)
I'm a NEGRO so I MUST carry a gun.
I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be a ditz
I'm JAMAICAN so I MUST smoke weed.
I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.
I'm a GAY RIGHTS SUPPORTER, so I WILL go to hell.
I'm a CHRISTAN, so I MUST think gay people should go to hell.
I'm RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat.
I'm INDIAN, so I MUST own a convenient store.
I wear SKIRTS a lot, so I MUST be a slut.
I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth or emo
I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend
I'm PRETTY, so I MUST not be a virgin.
I HAVE STRAIGHT A'S, so I MUST have no social life.
I'm INTO THEATER & ART, so I MUST be a homosexual.
I have Big BOOBS, so I MUST be a hoe.
I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser.
Im a VIRGIN so I MUST be prude.
I'm BLACK so I MUST love fried chicken and kool-aid.
I'm a GIRL who actually EATS LUNCH, so I MUST be fat.
I'm SINGLE so I MUST be ugly.
I'm CHRISTIAN so I MUST hate homosexuals.
I'm BLACK so I MUST believe JESUS WUZ A BROTHA
I'm NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser.
I'm PREPPY, so I MUST shun those who don't wear Abercrombie & Hollister.
I'm on a DANCE team, so I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.
I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naive.
I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob
I'm BLACK, so I MUST love watermelon. (although I do Love watermelon)
I'm a PREP, so I MUST be rich.
I have a lot of FRIENDS, so I MUST love to drink and party.
I have ARTISTIC TALENT, so I MUST think little of those who don't.
I don't like to be in a BIG GROUP, so I MUST be anti-social.
I have a DIFFERENT sense of HUMOR, so I MUST be crazy.
I tell people OFF, so I MUST be an over controlling bitch.
I'm DEFENSIVE, so I MUST be over controlling and a bitch.
I'm INTELLIGENT so I MUST be weak.
I am AMERICAN so I MUST be obese, loud-mouthed and arrogant.
I’m a YOUNG WRITER, so I MUST be emo.
I'm a TEENAGER, so I MUST have a STEREOTYPE.
I care about the ENVIRONMENT...I MUST be a tree hugging hippy.
I'm SWEDISH so I MUST be a tall blond, blue-eyed lesbian.
I like CARTOONS, so I MUST be IRRESPONSIBLE.
I like READING, so I MUST be a LONER.
I DISAGREE with my government, so I MUST be a TERRORIST.
I'm a PERSON, so I MUST be LABELED.
I DON'T CURSE, so I MUST be an outcast.
I'm SWEDISH, therefore I MUST be WHITE.
I SPOT GRAMMATICAL ERRORS, so I MUST be a pedantic bastard.
I like marching band, so I MUST be a friendless freak.
I cry easily, so I MUST be a wimp.
I can't help pointing out mistakes so I MUST be an over-controlling perfectionist.
I'm a PERFECTIONIST so I MUST check everything ten times, then burst into tears at one mistake
I DON'T LIKE to talk about my personal life so I MUST be having problems
The Percy Jackson pledge:
I promise to remember Percy
whenever I'm at sea
I promise to remember Annabeth
whenever a spider comes at me
I promise to protect nature
for Grover's sake of course
I promise to remember Luke
when my heart fills with remorse
I promise to remember Chiron
whenever I see a sign that says ''free pony ride''
I promise to remember Tyson
whenever a friend says they'll stick by my side
I promise to remember Thalia
whenever a friend is scared of heights
I promise to remember Clarisse
whenever I see someone that gives me a fright
I promise to remember Bianca
whenever I see a sister scold her younger brother
I promise to remember Nico
whenever I see someone who doesnt get along with others
I promise to remember Zoe
whenever I watch the stars
I promise to remember Rachel
whenever a limo passes my car.
yes I promise to remember PJO
wherever I may go
This has got to be one of the most clever
brainteasers I've seen in a while.
Someone out there either has too much
spare time, or is really good at Scrabble.
DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM
PRESBYTERIAN:
When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER
ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER
DESPERATION:
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT
THE EYES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE
GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE
THE MORSE CODE :
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS
SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME
ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY
ELECTION - RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES - LET'S RECOUNT
SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S
A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
IM A DOT IN PLACE
THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE
ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE
248 ways to annoy people
1. Specify that your drive-thru order is "to go."
2. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
3. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub."
4.Name your dog "Dog."
5. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
6. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what you think."
7. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."
8. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol.
9. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
10. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.
11. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
12. Tell 1-800 operators they sound gay and ask for a date.
13. Sew anti-theft detector strips into people's backpacks.
14. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.
15. Order a side of pork rinds with your fillet mignon.
16. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
17. Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climatic parts of rental movies.
18. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.
19. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
20. Repeat everything someone says as a question.
21. Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's road maps.
22. Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination, UFO, and OJ Simpson conspiracy theories.
23. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?", "What?", "Never mind, it's gone now."
24. Light road flares on a birthday cake.
25. Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
26. At the Laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
27. Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling as they read.
28. Ask people what gender they are.
29. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back in the tray.
30. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
31. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
32. Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.
33. Change your name to "John Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a."
34. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
35. Chew on pens that you've borrowed.
36. Wear a lot of cologne.
37. Listen to 33RPM records at 45RPM speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing."
38. Sing along at the opera.
39. Mow your lawn with scissors.
40. At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batabatabata-suhwing-batter!"
41. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend."
42. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
43. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."
44. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
45. Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.
46. Make appointments for the 31st of September.
47. Invite lots of people to other people's parties.
48. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.
49. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."
50. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
51. Practice making fax and modem noises.
52. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc." them to your boss.
53. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophecy."
54. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
55. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
56. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
57. Staple papers in the middle of the page.
58. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.
59. Honk and wave to strangers.
60. TYPE ONLY IN UPPERCASE.
61. type only in lowercase.
62. dont use any punctuation either
63. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
64. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "No, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
65. Sing the theme to the Batman television show as loudly as you can, over and over and over..
66. Tell people their accent isn't fooling anyone.
67. Drum on every available surface.
68. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
69. Set alarms for random times.
70. Learn Morse code and have conversations with friends in public consisting of "Beeeep bip bip beeeep bip.."
71. Buy large quantities of mint dental floss just to lick the flavor off.
72. Leave your Nine Inch Nails tape in Great Uncle Ed's stereo, with the volume properly adjusted.
73. Dress only in clothes colored Hunter's Orange.
74. Wear your pants backwards.
75. Begin all your sentences with "Ohh la la!"
76. Rouse your roommates from slumber each morning with Lou Reed's "Metal Machine Music."
77. Leave someone's printer in compressed-italic-landscape mode.
78. Pay for your dinner with pennies.
79. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
80. Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
81. Leave tips in Bolivian currency.
82. Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador."
83. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
84. When Christmas caroling, song "Jingle bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.
85. Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One."
86. Finish the 99 bottles of beer song.
87. Sing the "This is the song that never ends" song from Lampchop's Play-Along.
88. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
89. Pretend your mouse is a CB radio, and talk into it.
90. Drive half a block.
91. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
92. Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a southern drawl.
93. "Forget" the punch line to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."
94. Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes."
95. Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers' brains, such as "Feliz Navidad," the Archies' "Sugar," or the Mr. Rogers theme song.
96. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
97. Ask to "interface" with someone.
98. Incessantly recite annoying phrases, such as "sticky wicket isn't cricket."
99. Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture."
100. Scuff your feet on a dry, shaggy carpet and seek out victims.
101. Never make eye contact.
102. Never break eye contact.
103. Construct your own pretend "tricorder," and "scan" people with it, pronouncing the results.
104. Give a play-by-play account of a person's every action in a nasal Howard Cossell voice.
105. Occasionally bark in a high-pitched voice.
106. Say "okay, you're gay" to anything someone says.
107. As people talk, smell their shoulders.
108. When in a conversation, look out the window, then say "Wait, start over. I wasn't paying attention."
109. Say to people, "Did you wear deodorant today?"
110. Place your shoes on the table.
111. When talking to someone, look at a spot about two inches to their right.
112. When standing near a "high-class person," ask them, "Excuse me, but do I have a booger hanging on my nose? I thought I picked it off."
113. Switch your neighbor's lawn furniture with someone else's.
114. Call into work and tell them you have something better to do today.
115. Buy goldfish and ask the clerk if they come with chips.
116. Sample every flavor of ice cream and tell the clerk what you don't like about each one.
117. Pick your ear wax and ask if you could use their sleeve to wipe it off.
118. Insist completely ridiculous things are true - like Bush is still President.
119. Speak in a strong Welsh accent.
120. Wear odd shoes.
121. Learn "Ice Ice Baby" by heart and recite it endlessly.
122. Disagree strongly with everything anybody says.
123. Throw stones at people walking past your house.
124. Keep changing the TV channel every two seconds.
125. Insist that Celine Dion is better than the Beatles.
126. Whenever anyone says something, laugh loudly as if they have just told and extremely funny joke.
127. Phone McDonald's and try to make a reservation for that evening.
128. Spend an entire weekend pretending you are R2-D2.
129. Phone random numbers and tell them you are holding their daughter hostage.
130. Recite the first 4,000 decimal places of Pi. Then ask if people want to hear it in binary, too.
131. Pretend you have gone completely deaf.
132. .sdrawkcab etirW
133. Walk into people's houses, go straight to the fridge without saying hello, and help yourself to their food.
134. Speak so quietly that people always have to get you to repeat it.
135. Loudly recite people's most embarrassing secrets in restaurants.
136. Play the electric guitar very loudly and badly, then when the neighbors ask you to turn it down, play even louder. When they come round to complain again, say, "Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you asked me to turn it up!
137. Try to fit the word "cornucopia" into every sentence you say.
138. Drive on the wrong side of the road.
139. Secretly learn to play the piano, then go to a friend's house who has a piano. Claim you've never played before then play Jesu Joy of Man's Desiring perfectly the first time. Then say, "I guess I must kinda be a natural."
140. Go canoeing and sing the Hawaii Five-0 theme.
141. Claim that until recently, you thought Michael Jackson was a woman.
142. Wear your cap backwards and say "Yo, wazzup?" a lot.
143. Go to a Metallica concert wearing a Michael Bolton T-Shirt.
144. Tell everyone you are Bill Clinton's cousin.
145. Take photos of people walking down the street and then run away.
146. Dedicate your life to politics, become president of the United States, then raise all taxes to 90.
147. Down a can of Coke in one drink and then burp loudly.
148. Insist that it was Bobby who shot J.R.
149. Bark like a dog whenever anyone says the word "the."
150. Wire up people's cars so the horn comes on as soon as their car is started.
151. Ride a unicycle to work.
152. E-mail Microsoft to tell them about bugs in Windows XP that aren't actually there.
153. Stare at people for about five minutes, making sure they know you're staring at them. Then, slowly sneak up to them while humming the Mission: Impossible theme. Sniff their head, then run away. Repeat.
154. Continuously mumble during a conversation.
155. Take off the eraser to every pencil in your house, or better yet, someone else's house.
156. When in a chat room, spell everything incorrectly.
157. Insist on "Weird Al" sing-a-longs.
158. On a hot summer day, ride up and down the road and drench pedestrians with squirt guns.
159. When walking down a main road, act like a drunk.
160. Wear nothing but white and go mud wrestling.
161. Walk up to someone eating. Lean over and stare at them intently until they notice. Continue to do so until they ask what you're doing. Reply, "I've been watching you eat for the last 30 seconds.. You're weird!" Leave the restaurant.
162. When walking, talk to yourself constantly.
163. Move people's bookmarks ahead three pages when they aren't looking.
164. Call the operator. When asked, "Can I help you?" reply, "No thanks, just browsing."
165. Go to a gumball machine insert coins until you have a matching pair of fake eyeballs. After attaining these, record the theme song of The Twilight Zone over and over again. Drive down the street wearing the eyeballs and playing The Twilight Zone theme very loud. When you get pulled over, leap into the passenger's seat and claim, "He was here a minute ago, officer!"
166. On a night other than Halloween, get a few friends together and dress like Jason from Friday the 13th. Have each of you stand a mile apart on a highway.
167. After visiting the local donut shop, sit on the floor cross-legged and insist in a childish voice that you haven't received enough chocolate sprinkles.
168. Push a raisin into someone's cream-filled donut. (I don't get this one.)
169. Spread fertilizer on half your neighbor's lawn.
170. Add A535 (liquid heat) to that little hole down the center of someone's anti-perspirant.
171.
172.
173. Add blank entries to lists, to make it look like it's longer.
174. Call every pager number you know and leave the number for your local McDonald's.
175. Wash and scrub the trees in your front lawn.
176. Throw newspapers back at paperboys.
177. Tell people their fly is down when they're wearing sweat pants.
178. Stand on a busy corner. Gasp, look and point up. See how many people look.
179. At random times in a conversation, say "Hi," "Hello Sir, how are you?" or "Have a good day, thank you."
180. Put electrical tape over the headlights of someone's car.
181. Walk up to random strangers insisting you are family.
182. Dress like a "High-class rich person" and wash windows at random street corners. Demand a dollar in a British accent.
183. When a cop pulls you over, when they step up to your car, drive forward slowly and make them walk. Especially if it's raining.
184. In an office, lock all the doors behind you.
185. Face the back when standing in an elevator.
186. Grin so wide it hurts your cheeks at every salesperson in town.
187. When at an ATM, try to have a conversation with it, or pretend it stole your card. (This works best if there's a line.)
188. Unbend all the paperclips you can find, then replace every eraser you can find with a rubber band.
189. Ask people to prove everything they say. (e.g. "I'm Bob, nice to meet you..." "PROVE IT!")
190. Sharpen All your pencils to the same size EXACTLY.
191. Answer every question with another question. As soon as one of you says a statement instead of a question, shout "I win!".
192. Pose as a client at a bank or other professional institution, and when you are seated in front of their desk, keep rearranging the items on top into different patterns and tell them you are "just reorganizing things."
193. Instead of singing 99 bottles of beer on the wall, sing 999,999,999 bottles of beer on the wall!
194. Call every girl you know "dude".
195. Recite every song from the Playstation games PaRappa the Rapper and Um Jammer Lammy.
196. Bring a portable CD player to a concert and listen the CD because you insist that it is "Just better quality"
197. Press the "power" button on on someone's computer or keyboard when they're almost finished typing up a long essay, story etc. Apologize sincerely, claiming that you thought it was the focus adjustment.
198. Call 911 and breathe heavily.
199. Take a shower. Feel guilty. Give it back.
200. Mow your carpet. (Or preferably somebody else's)
201. Vacuum your lawn. (See note on 200)
202. Recite shakespearian poetry to everyone you meet.
203. Go to McDonalds and ask for a BK Whopper.
204. Order a pizza and ask them if they can "please put the crust on top this time" in an exasperated voice.
205. Every time someone asks you to do something or says something to you ask "Is that a threat?"
206. When in an elevator, in different voices, shout out random floors, and then watch as you get there, no one gets off.
207. Also, when riding up an elevator with a stranger, start singing a song that everyone knows, then expect them to start singing too. If they do not start singing, insist, "Everyone knows that song. Are you stupid?"
208. While walking make car noises loudly (Such as changing gears).
209. Whenever somebody says something, ask what the simplest word they said means. When they explain, ask what the simplest word in their explanation means. Repeat this for the entire conversation.
210. Go up to a someone and say, "Are you annoyed by irrelevant questions?" And then walk away very quickly.
211. Finish each sentence with "Monkey See, Monkey Do".
212. Click your mechanical pencils or your pens during a test in school.
213. Pretend you are invisible.
214. Convince people you are deaf and talk in an incredibly phony sign language.
215. Spend all day at a fast food restaurant and see how long it takes before you have to pay for your "free" refills.
216. Continuously open your briefcase or bag and say into it, "Have you got enough air in there?"
217. While going down in an elevator scream, "AAAAAGGGGGHHHHH!! WE'RE GONNA DIE!!" for no apparent reason.
218. Call everyone a communist.
219. Explain "the little green men" in detail to someone, and when they don't believe you, accuse them of being one in disguise.
220.. Call your neighbors collect.
221. Whenever someone finishes a sentence say, "And then what happened?"
222. Page yourself over an intercom, but don't disguise your voice.
223. Send people annoying chain forwards with outrageous consequences like "If you don't send this to 300 people in 4 seconds you will die instantly" and then insist that it is true and it happened to your uncle.
224. When walking push an invisible cart and make loud squeaky noises.
225. Walk up to random people and ask them, very seriously, "Do you know the muffin man?"
226. Clear your throat every three or four words while speaking.
227. Look at your hand in amazement and say, "Whoa, I never knew I had this!"
228. While driving if you see a "How am I driving" bumper sticker, call the number and inform the operator that the driver is doing a great job.
229. When driving with companions in the car, every few seconds slam on the brakes and insist that a squirrel ran in front of you.
230. When driving with companions in the car, every few seconds slam on the brakes and insist that a squirrel ran in front of you.
231. Whenever anybody says anything to you. Respond by saying, "I know."
232. Sending this list to all of your friends through email.
233. Continue to ask someone, "Is this annoying? Is this annoying?" over and over and over.
234. Tap someone on the shoulder repeatedly.
235. Begin every sentence with, "By the Gods!"
236. When you're in an argument, no matter what it's about, keep yelling "I don't see your name on it!".
237. When in public, pretend you are selling something in an infomercial.
238. At a restaurant, repeatedly send your food back for changes and after awhile insist that, "This isn't what I ordered!"
239. Go to a shoe store and try on every shoe, then say that you aren't interested in buying shoes and leave.
240. Put powdered sugar in your hair, sit down next to a stranger, and scratch your head a lot.
241. Turn on the Talk Radio Stations in your car, roll down your windows, and headbang.
242. Walk around with a plastic sword and shield and tell strangers "I must avenge the death of my father."
243. Scotch tape your door as an Anti-theft Device.
244. Super Glue quarters to floors.
245. Put the wrong date and year on the papers you hand in to your teachers.
246. Call random numbers and say "Hi, this is Julie from Basken Robins. If you can name 31 flavors in 31 seconds you get a free scoop."
247. WRIGHT N AL CAPITOL LETERS AND MISSSSSPEL EVRYTHIND!!
248. Get two cell phones and talk to yourself on them in front of other people.
249. Make a loud and abrupt noise when nobody is looking, then face the other direction when everybody looks your way, pretending the sound came from behind you. (Thanks Alex)
250. Llend a book to someone, but staple the middle together.
251. Llend someone a book, but rip out the climax.
252. When making a list use the same number twice.
253. Spel easy wordds rong.
253. Pronunce people's names wrong everytime you meet them.
254. Laugh at everything they say.
255. Never laugh at what they say.
256. When talking to someone, tilt your head to the side.
257. Snicker at what someone said and say "I got the movie reference".
1. When you get pulled over, say "What's wrong, ossifer? There's no blood in my alcohol"
2. When they ask why you were speeding, tell them you wanted to race.
3. When they talk to you, pretend you are deaf.
4. If they ask if you knew how fast you were going, say no, my speedometer only goes to...
5. When they ask why you were speeding, tell them you had to buy a hat.
6. Ask them where they bought their cool hat.
7. Refer to them by their first name.
8. Pretend you are gay and ask them out.
9. When they say no, cry.
10. If they say yes, accuse them of sexual harassment.
11. If the cop is a woman, tell her how ugly she is, but in a nice way.
12. If they ask you to step out of the car, automatically throw yourself on the hood.
13. When they asks you to spread them, tell them you don't go that way.
14. When they put the handcuffs on, say "Usually my dates buy me dinner first"
15. Ask to be fingerprinted with candy, cause you don't like ink on your fingers.
16. After you sign the ticket and give it to them, say "Oops! That's the wrong name."
17. Bribe them with donuts, and when they agree, tell them sorry, I just ate the last one.
18. When they come up to the car say "License and registration please" right when they say it.
19. When they go to read you your rights, sing "La La La, I can't hear you!"
20. Trip and fall into them.
21. Accuse them of police brutality when they push you away.
22. Before you sign the ticket, pick your nose. You have to sign with their pen.
23. Chew on the pen, nervously.
24. Clean your ear with the pen.
25. If it's a click pen, take it apart and play with the spring.
26. Ask them if they ever worked in a prison. If they say yes, ask how the plumbing was.
27. Act like you are retarded.
28. When they're telling you what you did wrong, start repeating them, quietly.
29. Or mumble to yourself.
30. When he tells you to stop, say what are you talkin about, DUDE?
31. When they come to the car, say I have a badge just like yours!
32. Ask if they watch Cops.
33. Ask if they ever watched Cop Rock.
34. Giggle if they did.
35. Talk to your hand.
36. Ask if they know somone named Rosy Palm and her Five Favorite Friends.
37. Accuse them of Sexual Harassment if they do.
38. When they frisk you, say You missed a spot, and grin.
39. When they ask to inspect your car, say there is no alcohol in my car, sir, the last cop got it.
40. Try to sell them your car.
41. Ask if you can buy their car.
42. If they take you to the station, ask to sit in front.
43. Play with the siren.
44. If you know him, say you had his wife for dinner.
45. If you don't know him, ask if you can have his wife for dinner.
46. Oops...I meant OVER for dinner.
47. Ask if they ever had pu-tang.
48. If they ask what it is, point at them and giggle.
49. If there is someone else in the car, talk to each other in languages.
50. When they act confused, keep talking, look at them and laugh.
51. When you are in the back, touch their neck through the fencing.
52. Turn your head and whistle.
53. When they pull out their night stick, say what you gonna do with that.
54. If you are of the opposite sex, say I don't do that on the first date.
55. If he sticks you in the back of the car, cower in the corner, su*ck your thumb, and whine.
56. Ask if you can see their gun.
57. When they say you aren't allowed, tell them "I just wanted to see if mine was bigger."
58. Stare at their lights and say "Look at the pretty colors!"
59. Tell them you like men/women in uniform.
60. Ask if you can borrow their uniform for a Halloween party
I like cheese. I have seen purple cows. If two gooses are geese, then why aren't two moose meese, or when two foots are feet, why aren't two footballs feetball? Milk tastes good. People call me crazy, but I'm just random! If you're random and proud of it, copy and paste this in your profile!If you have ever fallen up the stairs copy this into your profile.
97 of all teens would go into panic if they saw Robert Pattinson on a 100 foot building about to jump. copy and paste this if you are one of the 3 who brought popcorn and invited friends while yelling "DO A FLIP!!" (we people need our entertainment)
You know you live in 2010 when...
1.) You accidentally enter your password on a microwave.
2.) You haven't played solitaire with real cards for years.
3.) The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is they don’t have a email or facebook.
4.) You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the buttons on the TV.
6.) Your boss doesn't even have the ability to do your job.
7.) As you read this list you keep nodding and smiling.
8.) As you read this list you think about sending it to all your friends.
9.) And you were too busy to notice number 5.
10.) You scrolled back up to see if there was a number 5.
11.) Now you are laughing at yourself stupidly.
12.) Put this in your profile if you fell for that, and you know you did.
Too many kids and teenagers have smoked or tried marijuana. If you haven't, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you break out in random laughing fits for no apparent reason that last for minutes or even hours on end, copy this into your profile.
if you are anti-social sometimes copy this into your profile
If you're hyper, like being hyper, and are hyper all the time, COPY THIS INTO YOUR PROFILE! WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!
if there are times where you just wanna annoy someone for the heck of it copy this into your profile
My best friends are the kind that if my house were on fire, they'd be roasting marshmallows and flirting with the firemen.
My best friends are the kind of people that would spend hours trying to drown a fish. ...But I love them to death
FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa.
BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS!
FRIENDS: Will share their umbrella with you
BEST FRIENDS: Will take yours and scream "RUN, BITCH RUN!"
Friends: Ask why you're cryin
Best Friends: has a shovel ready to bury the loser that made you cry
Friends: say you can do better
Best friends: Will call him up and say "You have seven day to live"
FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail.
BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you sayin "LETS DO THAT AGAIN!"
FRIENDS: Will help you move.
BEST FRIENDS: Will help you move the bodies.
FRIENDS: Will offer you a soda.
BEST FRIENDS: Will dump theirs on you.
FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.
BEST FRIENDS: Wont tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when your not down anymore.
Friend: Asks me for my number
Best friend: Asks me for her number
Friend: Hides me from the cops
Best Friend: is probably the reason they are after me in the first place
Friend: lets me make an idiot of myself in public
Best Friend: Is up there with me making an idiot out of herself too.
Friend: Will help me learn to drive
Best Friend: Will help me roll the car into the lake so I can collect insurance
Friend: Will watch my pets when I go away
Best Friend: Won't let me go away
Friend: Will go to a concert with me
Best Friend: Will kidnap the band with me
Friends: Help you get over a boy
Best Friends: will go up to the boy punch him then say "It's because you're gay isn't it?"
Friends: know only a few things about you
Best Friends: could write a very embarssing biography about you
FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you
FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.
BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME."
FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone.
BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell.
FRIENDS: Get angry at you for calling them late in the night
BEST FRIENDS: Ask why it took so long for you to call
FRIENDS: Wonder about your love life
BEST FRINDS: Could blackmail you with it
Friends: Will help you find prince charming
Best Friends: Would kidnap him and bring him to you
FRIENDS: Will sit at the side of the pool withyou at that time of the month.
BEST FRIENDS: Will throw you a tampon and push you in.
FRIENDS: Will be there to take your drink away from you when they think you've had enough.
BEST FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place & say "Girl drink the rest of that ! You know we don't waste!
Friends: fade
Best Friends: Are forever
FRIENDS: Ask before they take your food.
BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reason why you go hungry.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but if the doctor is cute, screw the fruit!
Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected
You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff ... I laugh even harder
Therapist = The-rapist... scary thought
I am NOT saying your stupid...I'm just implying it.
I was gifted but the psychiatrist took away my powers
Come to the dark side, we have cookies!
Please note: Christmas is cancelled - apparently you told Santa you were good this year ... and he died laughing
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah."
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him?"
Join the army. Visit exotic places. Meet strange people. Then kill them.
I live in my own little world, but its okay. They know me there.
Every day, I beat my previous record for number of consecutive days I've stayed alive.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.
When in doubt, make up words!
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
No I won't go to hell! They have a restraining order against me!
I used all my sick days so I called in dead.
I talk to myself because mine are the only answers I accept!
The extinction of the dinosaurs was no accident. Barney came along and they all committed suicide.
Your weirdness is creeping my imaginary friend out.
When in doubt, make words up!
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving isn't for you!
If you're going to be two-faced sweetie, at least make one of them pretty!
I was going to take over th world but I got distracted by something sparkley.
Don't hit kids. Seriously, they have guns now.
WARNING- lost kids will be sold to the circus
If your heart was really broken, you’d be dead. So SHUT UP!
I don't have a dog. I eat my own homework.
WARNING- stop throwing your cigarette butts on the capet! Seriously, the cockroaches are getting cancer!
There are three kinds of people- those who count, and those who can't.
Warning: trespassers will be shot. Survivors will be shot again.
Welcome to the internet! Pants optional.
If I throw a stick, will you go away?
Don't worry about the end of the world coming today- it's already tomorrow in Australia.
Kids are the future. Be afraid, Be very afraid!
An idiot is a window washer on the 44th floor who steps back to admire their work.
Flying is simple. Just throw yourself at the ground and miss!
There is no 'I' in team, but there is an 'I' in PIE, an so there is an 'I' in MEATPIE and since MEAT is an anagram of TEAM...
Newscasters are the people who tell you "Good evening" and then precede to tell you why it's not.
Two things are infinite; infinity, and human stupidity. Not so sure about infinity...
Why be difficult, when with just a little more effort, you can be impossible.
Don't you dare tell me that the sky is the limit while there are footsteps on the moon!
If you die on an elevator make sure you push the up button.
If you don't check under the bed for monsters, but do check behind the shower curtain for vampires/monsters/cops/murderers/Michael Jackson,
You know it's going to be a bad day when you fall out of bed and miss the floor.
98 of teenagers do drugs, have sex, and drink alcohol...put this in your profile if you like bagels.
If people think you are mentally insane...copy and paste this onto your profile
If they are right...copy and paste this into your profile
If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile.
65 percent of teenagers spend more time watching TV rather then reading ,if you are part of the 35 percent who read more than watch TV and are proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you are really random put this on your profile.
If you have ever listened to someone say something and you REALLY DO listen, word for word, and when their done you go, "What did you say?", copy and paste this to your profile
There's always a Light even on the darkest of Nights...
Unless you're me, because I bring the Night and destroy the Light.~Aidan.
I'm Cute and everyone knows it.(My sayings and personality):
I'm Awesome, my friends just don't want to admit it.~Moi
Me crazy?!Nev-Oooh lets jump off that cliff!~Moi
Faster!Faster!You'll never lose me at that rate!~Moi
OMG A TALKING GHOST NAMED FRED WHO THINKS I'M THE PHSYCOPATH THAT KILLED HIM!~Moi
Random guy:DEMON!DEMON!HELP ME LORD A DEMON IS UPON ME!
SnAp:Huh?Oh thats just Aidan.
I'm not THAT bad...HEY!YEAH YOU, AM I INTIMIDATING?!
I'm bored...Amuse me.
Psh I can make anybody look like a complete idiot, including myself!
I'll do the puppy dog eyes aproach first and if that doesn't work then I'll bring a shovel just in case!
What the hell are you looking at, haven't you ever seen a girl skip?!
Huh...I wonder if Vodka in Kool-aid tastes as good as it sounds...
Do you want to die?
Mom:"Looks at new skirt"Thats not a skirt thats a belt.
Me: Hey you should know not to let me get bored!
Me:Hey mom I'm going to get leather pants!
Mom:Why would you want those?
Me:I don't know I got bored!You know what happens when I'm bored(Rolls Eyes).
Me:Mom!I'm going to go jump in the river!
Mom:You are, why?
Me:Why do I do anything?
93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile and add your name to the list: vampirefan17, Beastboylover246, HousesWithPointyTopsRock, twilightanndanaz, bookandmusiclover1, MyHeroTheSeaweedBrain
Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.
Friend's will always be like “well you deserve better” but best friends will be prank calling him saying “you will die in seven days”
Boys are like trees-they take 50 years to grow up.
EMO kids have cool hair.
EMO=Extravagantly Made Origami
BEARS=Butt Extremely Annoying Retard Scientists
I read New Moon and I wanted to kick Jacob Black REALLY REALLY HARD.
I read Eclipse and wanted to smack Jacob Black REALLY REALLY HARD. Then Bella did it for me. “Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat.”
“Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you’re a mile away from them and you have their shoes.”
Excuse me... have you seen my sanity... I think I lost it.
Why is Donkey Kong called “DONKEY” Kong if he’s a monkey?
If your name is Mr. Crunch, and you joined the Navy, would you eventually be Captain Crunch?
364 days of the year, parents tell their kids not to take candy from
strangers, yet on Halloween, its encouraged! Why is that?
Whoever said nothing is impossible, never tried slamming a revolving door...
No, I don’t have PMS. I just really hate you.
My mind works like lightning, one brilliant flash and it’s gone.
Stupidity is not a crime so you’re free to go.
“Hey guess who this is? You guessed it. Guess what you have to do now? You
guessed it. Guess what’s next? You guessed it...”
“Of all the things I’ve lost, I miss my mind the most.”
“An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed.”
Life isn’t passing me by, it’s trying to run me over.
Having the love of your life say you can still be friends is like having your dog die and your mom saying you can still keep it.
Was that an earthquake, or did I just rock your world?
My knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil.
Secret admirers are stalkers with stationary.
Did you know Sarcasm is your body’s natural defense against stupidity?
Never knock on Death’s door, ring the doorbell and run away, he hate that.
Paper may beat rock, but cannon ball make big hole in paper.
The pen may be mightier than the sword, but my keyboard can crush your crummy pen!
Therapist = the/rapist... scary thought.
Don’t call me emo or I’ll cry big juicy tears of blood and pain and then I’ll die and it will be ALL YOUR FAULT.
Your weirdness is creeping my imaginary friend out.
I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!
Last night I looked up at the stars and matched each star to a reason I loved you. I was doing fine till I ran out of stars.
To the world, you are just one person, but to one person, you are the world.
Charm is a way of getting the answer yes without asking a clear question.
Some minds are like concrete; thoroughly mixed and permanently set.
The town was so dull that when the tide went out it refused to come back in.
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
Tell the truth and run.
Don’t follow me, I’m lost too.
This is Bob. Bob likes sharp things. I suggest you run from Bob.
Definition of Your Mom: How to answer a question when you’re bored
Definition of homework: Some form of crude mind control still used in some primitive areas.
One day your prince will come. Mine? Oh he took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions.
WARNING: Do NOT walk in my footsteps... I tend to walk into walls, and off the occasional cliff.
I’m not afraid of Death, what’s it gonna do kill me?
I’ll try to be nicer if you try to be smarter.
When life gives you lemons, chuck them at people you hate.
It doesn’t matter whether the glass is half empty or half full just drink it and get it over with.
It takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 to smile and only 4 to reach out and slap someone.
The world is full of crazy people. THEY MADE ME THEIR LEADER.
So what if we act like immature idiots? We’re having fun.
If at first you don’t succeed skydiving isn’t for you.
Those who throw objects at crocodiles will be asked to retrieve them.
Set sail in a general that way direction.
It’s always the last place you look. Of course it is why would I keep looking after I’ve found it?
I’m sick of following my dreams, I’m just gonna ask where they're going and hook up with them later.
Do I have to spell it out for you or scream it in you face?
All things considered, insanity may be the only reasonable alternative.
When angry, count to ten, when very angry, swear.
Education is important, school however, is another matter.
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound as they go by.
Amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic...
Music is love in search of word.
Are children who act in rated ‘R’ movies allowed to see them?
Whose cruel idea was it for the words ‘lisp’ to have an‘s’ in it?
How is it possible to have a civil war?
When French people swear do they say pardon my English?
Aren’t the ‘good things that come to those who wait’ just the leftovers from the people that got there first?
If the swat team breaks down your door do they have to replace it later?
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, “I think I’ll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out”?
Who was the first person to say, “See that chicken over there ... I’m gonna eat the first thing that comes out if its butt”?
Isn’t Disney World just a people trap operated by a mouse?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
If an atheist has to go to court, do they make him swear on the Bible?
Why are people so scared of mice, yet we all love Mickey Mouse?
“Have you ever noticed that if you rearranged the letters in mother in law, they come out to Woman Hitler?”
Isn’t it funny how the word ‘politics’ is made up of the words ‘poli’ meaning ‘many’ in Latin, and ‘tics’ as in ‘bloodsucking creatures’?
Why isn’t chocolate considered a vegetable, if chocolate comes from cocoa
beans, and all beans are a vegetable?
Why is it when we talk to God we are praying, but when God talks to us we are put into the loony bin?
Why is it when some products you have to turn it upside down to read the directions, and the directions say do not turn upside down?
Why do people say, “You can’t have your cake and eat it too”? Why would someone get cake if they can’t eat it?
“When life hand you lemons, throw those lemons right back at it and tell life to make its own dang lemonade”
Assassination is an extreme form of censorship.
The sun has set, the moon has risen, today’s the day we get out of prison!!
You say I’m not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I’m not cold, I’m hot. I know I’m hot. Thanks for embracing it.
Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much.
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, and then kill them.
Don’t mess with me I’ve got a stick.
He said I love you, I sneezed and said sorry I’m allergic to bullshit.
I’ll be rich and famous when I invent something that will stab people over the internet.
You’re just jealous because we act retarded in public and people still love us!
Darth Vader- "Come to the dark side. We have COOKIES!"
Luke Skywalker- "Nah, the rebels have cake."
Darth Vader- "ooh! Can I be a rebel?!"
I smile because I have no idea what’s going on!
Life was so simple when boys had cooties
I used to be normal, until I met the freaks that I call my friends
Boys are like slinkies, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs.
I ran with scissors, and lived!
You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder
I’m the kind of girl who will burst our laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened yesterday.
When it rains on my party, I bust out the slip n’ slide.
I agree with the dictionary. Girls before guys, partying before studying, and friends before love.
I don’t obsess! I think intensely.
Of course I’m talking to myself. Who else can I trust?
Let me know if anything I say offends you, I might wanna offend you later.
One way to figure out how things work, push all the buttons!
I’m so gangster, I carry a squirt gun.
When I say LOL I’m not laughing out laud. I just have nothing better to say.
When I am at Hogwarts I will not: Ask Harry if his scar senses are tingling
When I am at Hogwarts I will not: Sing “I’m Off to See the Wizard” when sent to the Headmasters office.
I was gifted, but the psychiatrist took away my powers.
All the good ones are gay, married, or fictional characters in books or movies.
Stupid shiny Volvo owner.
The greatest challenge in life is to find someone who knows all your flaws, differences, and mistakes, and yet still sees the best in you.
“When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it.”
“Those who don’t learn from history are doomed to repeat it.”
“Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else”
“Real girls aren’t perfect, perfect girls aren’t real.”
“I’d rather be hated for who I am than be loved for who I’m not.”
“What is easy is not always right, and what is right is not always easy.”
“Guns don’t kill people. I do.”
“A good friend bails you out of jail. A great friend is sitting there next to you saying ‘Man, that was fun!’”
“If you can’t see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.”
Bush gave an interview and he said people will vote for him because ‘They’ve seen me weep, they’ve seen me laugh, and they’ve seen me hug.’ These are the same qualifications for a Tickle Me Elmo.
A recent survey stated that the average person’s greatest fear is having to give a speech in public. Somehow this ranked even higher than death which was third on the list. So, you’re telling me that at a funeral, most people would rather be the guy in the coffin than have to stand up and give a eulogy.
I’m not so good at advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?
Death is God’s way of saying “You’re fired.”
Suicide is Human’s way of saying “You can’t fire me- I quit!”
If ya can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em.
If ya can’t join ‘em, bribe ‘em.
If ya can’t bribe ‘em, blackmail ‘em.
If ya can’t blackmail ‘em, kill ‘em.
If ya can’t kill ‘em, you’re screwed.
Unfortunately, you can’t die of a broken heart.
Heaven doesn’t want me, and Hell’s afraid I’ll take over.
“He who stands on a windowsill to see how far out he can lean without falling is a moron.”
“If you know me, chances are you hate me.”
“I’m the kind of person your parents warned you about.”
“Sticks and Stones may break my bones, but words will hurt my inner child”
“Don’t judge a book by its cover or a person by their scars”
“It’s not until you’re broken that you know what you’re made of.”
“Tired of living and scared of dying.”
“It requires MORE courage to suffer than to die.”
“You said that you would die for me, you must live for me too”.
“To die is nothing but a long goodbye.”
“This isn’t just goodbye, this is I can’t stand you.”
“I hear your silence loud and clear.”
“The past is only the future with the lights on.”
“Shut up voices or I’ll poke you with a fork."
Rules of the Elevator
1) When a person in the elevator repeatedly pushes a button (such as "close" or "open") say, "Congratulations, you figured out that if you push the button 20 times, it works quicker"
2) When the elevator doors shut, reassuringly say, "It's OK, they will open up again!"
3) Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"
4) Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
5) When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
6) Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.
7) Stare, grinning, at another passenger for awhile, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"
8) Meow occasionally.
9) Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.
10) Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.
11) Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
12) Stare at another passenger for awhile, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.
13) Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.
14) When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "Is that your beeper?"
15) Say "Ding!" at each floor.
16) Say "I wonder what all these do" and push the red buttons.
17) Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
18) Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space."
19) Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."
20) Put a box on the floor and whenever somebody comes in, say "Do you hear clicking?"
21)Sell Girl scout cookies
22) Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your kleenex to other passengers.
23) Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.
24) Start a sing-along.
25) Stare at your thumb and say I think it's getting larger.
26) On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go plink at the bottom.
~No one dies a virgin; life screws us all.
~When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it.
~If annoyed further, I shall spork your eyes out.
~If you don't like me, there is nothing I can do. Here's a newsflash, honey; I don't live to please you.
~ If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you’ve never tried before.
~If you can’t be kind, at least have the decency to be vague!
~“Most people learn by observation, and there are a few who learn by experimentation. And then there are those who actually TOUCH the fire to see if it’s really hot.”- Anonymous
~Excuse me, I hate to bother you, but have you seen my sanity? I think I lost it.
~I don’t have PMS- I just really actually hate you.
~My mind works like lightning- one brilliant flash and it’s done.
~Your weirdness is totally creeping my imaginary friend out.
~You think
I’m crazy? At least I admit it...
~Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door.
~I don’t suffer from insanity- I enjoy every minute of it.
~All things considered, I’m thinking that insanity may be the only reasonable alternative.
~They say, “Guns don’t kill people- people kill people.” Well, I think guns help. I mean, if you just stood there and yelled, “BANG!” I don’t think you’d kill too many people, you know?
~Don’t mess with me- I’ve got a stick and I’m not afraid to hit you with it.
~Well, paint me purple and call me Barney!
~Of course I'm talking to myself! Who else can I trust?
~Stupidity is not a crime, so you’re free to go.
~I hear voices in my head, and you think you’re
a freak?
~I wrote your name in the sand, but the waves washed it away. I wrote your name in the sky, but the wind blew it away. I wrote your name in my heart, and it lasted forever.
~Last night, I looked up at the stars and matched each star to a reason I love you. I was doing fine until I ran out of stars.
~The greatest challenge in life is to find someone who knows all your flaws, differences, and mistakes, and yet still sees the best in you.
~Don’t frown; even when you’re sad, someone could be falling in love with your smile.
~Love is strong, but delicate. It can be broken. To truly love is to understand this. To be in love is to reject this
Man: "I know how to please a woman."
Woman: "Then please leave me alone."
Man: "I want to give myself to you."
Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."
Man: "I'd go through anything for you."
Woman: "Good! Let's start with your bank account."
Man: "I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: "Yes, but would you stay there?
Man: "Your place or mine?"
Woman: "Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine."
Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?"
Woman: "It's in the phone book."
Man: "But I don't know your name."
Woman: "That's in the phone book too."
Man: "So what do you do for a living?"
Woman: "I'm a female impersonator."
Man: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?"
Woman: "Do not Enter"
Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."
Man: "Is this seat empty?"
Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down
If you know someone who should be run over by a bus, copy this to your profile.
If you don't use Facebook and are proud enough to make it public, copy and paste this into your profile.
Olny srmat poelpe can raed this.
I cdnuolt blveiee that I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd what I was rdanieg. The
phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy,
it deosn't mttaer in what oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is that the first and last ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.
This is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if
you can raed this psas it on !!
If you like chocolate as much as I do copy this in your profile
If you ever sang the "I know a song that gets on your nerves" song copy this into your profile! -well, it does get on peoples nerves...
A large percent of writers don't know the difference between "your" and "you're". If you're one of the ones who does know ands wants to slug them, copy and paste this into your profile.
If your profile is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer.
If you've ever been obsessed with something so much people are now fearing what effect it may cause on you, copy and paste this to your profile.
If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile. -Well, that's kinda obvious...
If you have ever copy and pasted something to your profile, copy and paste this to your profile. -Well, duh!
there was a little girl who said her prayers every night. one night, her dad walked in on her and heard her saying, "i love you daddy, i love you mommy, i love you timmy, i love you becky, i love you grandma, goodby grandpa."
the next day the girl's grandfather died.
needless to say, the girl's father was freaked out, but he figured it was just an unlieky coincidence. the next night, he heard his daughter's prayers again: "i love you daddy, i love you mommy, i love you timmy, i love you becky, goodbye grandma."
the next day the girl's grandmother died.
at this point, the father was really scared. but he was even more freaked out when he heard his daughter's prayers that night..."i love you mommy, i love you timmy, i love you becky, goodbye daddy."
now he was really scared. he went about his daily business, but couldn't stop thinking tha the was supposed to die. when he got home that night, he said to his wife "i just had the worst day ever"
she said "you think YOU had a bad day? the mailoman dropped dead on our porch!"
If you don't get it, PM me.
Alternate Name
1. YOUR GANGSTA NAME: (first 3 letters of real name plus izzle): Genizzle
2. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (fav color and fav animal): Black Cat
3. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, and current street name): Mae Neva
4. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first name, last 3 letters of mom's maiden name): Zobgeson
5. YOUR SUPERHERO NAME: (fav color, fav drink): Black Cherry
6. YOUR ARAB NAME:(2nd letter of your first name, 3rd letter of your last name, any letter of your middle name, 2nd letter of your moms maiden name, 3rd letter of your dads middle name, 1st letter of a siblings first name, last letter of your moms middle name): Ebaeamn
7. YOUR WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (mothers middle name): Lynn
8.YOUR GOTH NAME: (black, and the name of one your pets): Black Shadow
9. YOUR ROCK STAR NAME: (fav fruit, and something that can go wrong): Cherry Apocalypse
10. YOUR PIRATE NAME: (fav color, pirate accessory): Black Tattoo
Your One and Only Wish (This is really cool)
Do it one by one, WHATEVER YOU DO DON'T LOOK AHEAD!
1. write the name of a person of the opposite sex.
2. which is your favorite color out of red, black, blue, and green.
3. your first initial?
4. your month of birth?
5. which color do you like more, black or white?
6. Name of a person of the same sex as yours.
7. your favorite number?
8. do you like California of Florida more?
9. do you like the lake or ocean more?
10. Write down a wish (a realistic one.)
Are you done? If so, Pencils down. DON'T CHANGE YOU ANSWERS!!
Ok, Now Scroll down to see you results!
(Don't cheat--)
Your Results Are:...
1. You are completely in love with this person.
2. If you choose:
Red: You are alert and you life is full of love.
Black: You are conservative and aggressive.
Green: Your soul is relaxed and you are laid back.
Blue: you are spontaneous and love kisses and affection from the one you love.
Yellow: You are a very happy person and give good advice to those who are down.
3. If you're initial is:
A-K: You have a lot of love and friendships in your life.
L-R: You try to enjoy life to the maximum and you love life is soon to blossom
S-Z: You like to help others and your future love life looks very good.
4. If You were born in:
Jan-Mar: The year will for very well for you and you will discover the you fall in love with someone totally unexpected.
Apr-June: you will have a strong love relationship that will no long but the memories will last forever
July-Sept: You will have a great year and will experience a major life changing experience for the good.
Oct-Dec: Your love life will not be too great, but eventually you will find your soul mate.
5. If you choose...
Black: your life will take on a different direction; it will seem hard at the time but will be the best thing for you and you will be glad for the change.
white: You will have a friend who completely confides in ykou and would do anything for you but you may not realize it.
6. This person is your best friend.
7. This is how many close friends you have in a lifetime.
8. If you choose...
California: You like adventure.
Florida: You are a laidback person.
9. If you choose...
Lake: You are loyal to you friends and you love. And you are very reserved.
Ocean: You are spontaneous and like to please people.
10. This wish will come true only if you Re-post this bulletin in one hours and it will come true before your next birthday
Ways To Keep Up Your Insanity
1. End every sentence with, "Hear me, for I have spoken!" OR "According to the prophecy."
2. Every time you are about to drink something, shout out, "I NEED MY PILLS!"
3. Whenever someone asks you something, say "You talkin ta me?" in your best gangsta voice.
4. Try to drink from the opposite side of the glass.
5. Whenever you do a toast, say "TO ANCIENT TIMES AND DISTANT MUSIC!"
333 Things To Do in Wal-Mart
1. Take someone's shopping cart and switch the items with stuff from the person next to them's cart
2. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't seen you in so long!..." etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment
3. Smash the person in front of you on the head with a ham
4. Go up to some old geezer & say "Grandpa!! You're ALIVE!! It's a MIRACLE!! etc."
5. Take something from someone else's cart, when they say "hey, that's mine! " call the security and say that the other ... person was trying to take your _
6. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.
7. Hide in the center of the clothes circle where people find shirts, and jump out and yell "AIHAIHAIHAIHAIHAIHAIHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!"
8. Go into the dressing room, wait a few minutes, then yell "THERES NO TOILET PAPER IN HERE!!"
9. Get a batman costume, put it on, and run around the store screaming at the top of your lungs, "COME ROBIN! TO THE BATMOBILE!"
10. Hide between clothing and then jump out and yell "PICK ME"
11. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"
12. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men
13. Hide in a clothes circle. When someone with a shopping cart goes by stick your hand out and steal something from them
14. Grab a guitar and start singing Wake Me Up When September Ends in a loud shrieking half screaming voice
15. Randomly place 24 bags of candy in peoples carts
16. Go to an empty checkout stand and try to check people out.
17. Go up to an employee and in a official tone say "code three in house ware" and see what happens
18. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department
19. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap
20. Set up a concert of singing hamster dolls. Get your friends and turn them on all at the same time. Then act like a conductor
21. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock, i.e., "Do you have any Shnerples here?"
22. Open a pack of yugioh cards and challenge random people to a "d-d-d-d-d-d-duel!"
23. While walking around alone, pretend someone is with you and get into a very serious conversation
24. Tape a walkie-talkie to the back of a Barbie doll and say to random people, "I know where you live..."
25. Attempt to drown in a kiddy pool...
26. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it
27. Open up random packages in the toy aisle then walk off. If an employee asks what you're doing, just say "I changed my mind."
28. Run around Wal-Mart in a bathing suit singing the Surfin' USA theme song
29. Say things like, "Would you be as kind so to direct me to your Twinkies?"
30. If an employee comes within 30 ft scream "GET AWAY FROM ME!!" Then run out of the store screaming
31. Walk up to an employee and ask questions like how come this store is called wal mart? Or what's up with your hair? Why do you people wear name tags can't you all remember your own names?
32. Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the other aisles
33. Glare menacingly at anyone who comes within 40 ft of you. Then hiss like a snake and act like you're going to bite them
34. Throw a fake rubber snake into some lady's face and watch her freak out
35. Squeeze their legs and either sing, "I like to move it, move it! Or say "You got chicken legs!"
36. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission: Impossible."
37. While no one's watching quickly switch the men's and women's signs on the doors of the rest room
38. Bring your pet pit-bull into Wal-mart. Act casual. If someone is brave enough to walk up to you and tell you to get out, simply reply "He's going to help me pick out his favorite dog food"
39. TP as much of the store as possible
40. Whenever you hear a voice saying, clean up etc fall to the ground sobbing screaming the voices!! then get back up & act normal
41. Dress up in a trench coat & wear sunglasses. Walk up to someone browsing and say "The rooster is in the nest" Wait for a reply. After they finish talking, hand them a cap gun and whisper "use this wisely."
42. Go to the music aisle and start singing horrible karaoke
43. Walk along look at someone giggle at them & say to no one... I know I know... hehehe keep doing it until they give you a weird look & walk off
44. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day
45. Go in to the camping department and enter a tent then tell random customers that they can come in if they bring a pillow from the bedding department
46. Broadcast K-mart commercials over the intercom
47. Go up to the bagel section with cream cheese all over your face. Then start chanting, "We love bagels! We love bagels!"
48. Over the intercom say there is a big sale on all items in electronics department and first 10 people to the check outs gets one item free... & see what happens
49. Randomly start putting different size undergarments in peoples carts
50. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners
51. Run through the store and jump on random peoples carts singing I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODYS NERVES!!
52. Go up to random people and poke them. If they ask you what you're doing or tell you to stop, tell them that you're trying to find out what they ate for dinner last night
53. Do your American Idol audition in front of the security cameras
54. Get a marker & go over all the barcodes with a line then go purchase your items... the person who is serving you will have to enter all the barcodes in by hand
55. Go up to some of the customers while your carrying a paper bag and say "trick or treat!" and if they don't give you anything, do the sad puppy dog face
56. Hide under a big pile of clothes and throw random objects at people when they walk by
57. Get a stuffed animal and go to the front of the store and begin stroking it lovingly, saying "Good girl, good Bessie."
58. Walk up to a pizza place and ask for a Mcchicken
59. Go to the bathroom with a cantaloupe (hidden) Make grunting noises and drop the cantaloupe in the toilet. Then say "Phew, That's better"
60. Put blue paint on your hand and when you see someone put your hand on their shirt and point at them and say, "A clue a clue!"
61. Go to a clerk and tell them u lost your son and ask if they can call his name over the speaker! When they ask u his name make up a ridiculous name
62. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters
63. While Humming the theme to Mission Impossible While wearing all black, knock over all of the cans
64. Take all the CD's put them in the wrong place and when an employee puts them all back yell at her and mess them up again
65. Go to the front of the store in a baby diaper and ask a macho guy to change you
66. Take a friend with you and a younger child and start arguing over who gets custody then have the child run away and out of the store and yell CILLY COME BACK!!
67. Climb up a ladder & try doing a King Kong thing
68. Run through the make-up department and yell, "There's a dead body in aisle 3!!"
69. Grab a can of whipped cream & find a bald guy Spray it on his head
70. Dress up in a fairy costume, and climb up a ladder and when people go by say "your wish is granted"
71. Dress up as a giant smiley face and whip price signs! Then yell "ROLLBACK!!"
72. Walk up to someone act like you can read their mind & say... sir or madam... don't think that.
73. Walk towards a group of people and hit your head and say in a loud voice, "Shut up in there."
74. Put make up all over your face so it looks like a 2 year old did it and then say, "She's horrible at giving make-overs!" and point to a random woman.
75. Go up to random people and ask them if they will be your friends then link arms and start to sing the friends theme song
76. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store
77. Smear ketchup on yourself, lie on your back in the kids aisle, and pretend to be dead
78. Lay a 20 dollar bill on the ground and back away and when someone tries to pick it up run up to them and yell hands off my dollar!! Then got to a manager and tell him that they stole 20 dollars from you
79. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles
80. Try all of the sodas and put them back then say, "Yup, that stuff's not poisonous."
81. Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello" upside down
82. Run up to random people and ask if they like green eggs and ham
83. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags, then attempt to fit others into very large gym bags
84. Bang on the pots and pans in the cooking aisle
85. Act as though you are being beaten and fall onto the ground screaming and having convulsions
86. Swing on the half price banners
87. Go up to a random person and tap on his/her shoulder. When the person looks at you, ask what and walk off like you're annoyed
88. Burp and say mmmm, tasty
89. Hold Barbie for ransom
90. Run around with a country music cd and sing Queen's "We Will Rock You"
91. throw random items over into the next aisle and see if you can score into someone's cart
92. Ride around in a Barbie jeep with Barbie in the front seat and act like you're talking to her by saying "Let's bust this joint!"
93. Wrap a hose around you and shout, "AAH! I'M BEING HELD HOSTAGE!"
94. Do your own radio show over the intercom
95. Go to the aisle with the Star Wars stuff and hold up a Luke Skywalker toy and say "Luke, I am your father" and make breathing noises in your darth vader mask
96. Glue pennies on the floor 'heads' side up
97. Knock over all the shelves and run around screaming 'EARTHQUAKE! EVERYON RUN!
98. find a pair of walkie talkies and have a conversation with your self when everyone is watching you
99. Go to the checkout and buy a bar of candy. Repeat, going to the same cash register, until the clerk notices
100. Grab heavy but not too heavy objects, and see who can throw them the most aisles over
101. Buy expensive stuff, go home and use white-out and a pen to change the price to something much lower, and the total much higher, then return and demand a refund
102. get a cardboard box, go in the store and pop out of the box and give out candy to passerby
103. Find the fish section and when someone walks by begin to pet the fish tank and say, "I know how you feel..."
104. Spill water on the floor, and run around claiming that the store is flooded
105. As the cashier runs your purchase over the scanner say "BEEP" in a loud voice. Repeat this for every item, and for other customers items
106. Scream really loudly and when someone tells you to be quiet scream, "I will not be silenced!!"
107. Hold a bag of frozen veggies over your head and yell "Fear me and my evil army of frozen carrots!!"
108. Hug someone randomly and say, "I love u mommy!"
109. Go in the undergarments section and ask random people if they think this will fit
110. Tie a plushie to one end of a string your ankle to the other end, and run around screaming "HELP! IT'S AFTER ME!"
111. Start yelling at the stuffed animals when there are people around
112. Grab some pampers Pull-Ups and while buying them yell at the clerk "Mommy, guess what? I'm a big kid now!!"
113. Go into the bedding department and with cookies in your hand lay on a bed then pretend ur having a nightmare about cookies and yell " COOKIE!! COOKIE!! NOOOOOO!!" Then start rolling around
114. Make evil eyes at someone and start whispering, "I'm the little girl from the well... I've been waiting..."
115. Go to the cafeteria area and buy frys. Then stand by the door and when people walk through throw the frys above their head like there getting married
116. look at old people with wide eyes saying, "I see dead people!"
117. Get a tent ( With holes preferably ) and tell people to come in your lair. When they do chuck popcorn at them and ask them who invited them in
118. Ride around on those electric cars and pretend that your a prissy English Man. Say things like "Cheerio, good man." to people who walk by. And don't forget to have perfect posture.
119. Chase your friends up and down aisles trying to run over them with those electric cars. Make sure to tell your friends to act like they don't know you.
120. Spend all your money riding on those little rides for toddlers. Fit the character; if you on a horse, then pretend that your a cowboy, etc. And if a little kid comes over wanting to use it, start barking at them until they run away crying.
121. Have silly string fights with a friend. Hide behind customers and "accidentally" hit the people instead of your friend.
122. Draw mustaches on all the pictures and mannequins.
123. Walk up to the customer service and when they say "Hello, how may I help you?" say "Yes, I'll have a Quarter Pounder with cheese, one strawberry shake, a large order of french fries and a diet coke." And when they start to talk, say "Oh, to go". Then when they say that they can't give it to you say "Oh, This is because I'm gay isn't it? I'd expect this from McDonalds, but not Walmart
124. Get popcorn and throw at customers, sneaking up on them in an un stealth-like way, while yelling random things 125. Start to madly scratch yourself and walk up to people asking where the rash cream is because your family and all your friends seem to have a rash too.
126. When your alone, have loud conversations with your "multiple personalities". Have an English man, a Southern person, someone from New York, a Grandma, and a 5 year old girl all at the same time. You have to use accents.
127. Start "dancing" like mad. Basically, just wail your arms and legs around like your having some kind of massive seizure.
128. Try on crazy costumes and walk casually through the store.
129. Stick your arm in your jacket and suspiciously start to leave the store. Get really tense and start to lean over as your walking through the doors As if your suspecting the alarms to go off. Then when it doesn't go off, let out a big sigh. Then quickly look around you to see who's watching and run away as fast as you can.
130. Balance EVERYTHING you see on the tips of your finger, your nose, your forehead, and the top of your head while singing the circus song.
131. Spend hours staring at a little blinking light. After a while, start saying blink everytime it blinks. Don't look away, just stay mesmerized.
132. Light a match under a sprinkler
133. Walk up to someone and say "Oh, so your back for more. I warned you never to come back here. Wait here while I go get my shot gun". Then walk away.
134. Buy something that is like 5 and give the cashier all pennies.
135. Walk up to a guy and say "Oh my god, is it you? Oh my god it is!! I haven't seen you in so long!!" Then kiss him. Then slap and him say "Why didn't you ever call me??" Then walk away. Much more affective if you're a guy.
136. Stand next to a maniquin and pretend that your a mannequin. Try to hold the same position for as long as possible. Then finally as someone is walking by, check your watch and say. "Finally, my shift is done. I really don't get paid enough to do this"
137. Stare at the ceiling. See how many people look up.
138. Start singing oldies songs in to megaphone.
139. start hitting on the mannequins.
140. Super-glue a quarter to the floor and count how many people try to pick it up.
141. Switch the price tags with something expensive and something really cheap.
142. Put women's clothes into men's carts.
143. Put preppy stuff, like short skirts and whatnot, into old men's carts when they aren't looking.
144. Run around in front of a mirror screaming "COPYCAT!"
145. Bring a friend and a stopwatch. Get carts and race around. every time you nock something over, subtract a second from your time. You usually get kicked out before you figure out who won.
146. Find a couple. Run up to the one who is an opposite gender from you, slap them, and say "WHAT IS THIS? I THOUGHT WHAT WE HAD WAS SPECIAL!!"
147. Go up to an assistant and ask for mayonnaise. When they say they don't have it, start crying and scream, "Now how am I supposed to paint my toenails?!"
148. Lay on the floor and do a ground angel
149. Steal their ketchup, go on the counter, smear ketchup all over you and say HELP ME HELP ME! OMG! THE HOTDOG KILLED ME!
150. Start jumping on one of their beds attempt to fall asleep until one guy tells you to get off. Then yell 'HEY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?! GET OUT OF MY HOUSE! GET AWAY FROM MY BED!!"
151. Run around switching all of the open signs on the cash registers to closed and all of the closed signs to open. Watch the customers get confused.
152. Ask for Goat Milk
153. Make sure somebody's in the same aisle, then run screaming into a wall. Fall down and say "AHHH! The pain, the horrible, terrible pain!" Until someone asks if you're alright. When they do, get up and say, "Yes, I'm fine, why?" And then walk away calmly like nothing happened.
154. Dress up as an emo kid, then scream at people, "WHY HAVE YOU COME TO WORSEN MY MISERY?!"
155. Dress up as a ninja and go around the store karate chopping people
156. Ride a horse on a stick toy thing and have your friend pull you around the store on a skateboard while you scream, "The British are coming! The British are coming!"
157. Turn a cart over and put towels over it so they can't see in. when someone starts to open it, start yelling "Hey, I'm Using the Bathroom in here!!"
158. Buy a chocolate bar, go to the bathroom, smear chocolate on your hand, reach under the next stall and ask, "Can I have some toilet paper?"
159. Take a fishing pole, tie it to a dollar, and go fishing for humans!
160. Climb up to one of the really high shelves and start singing Christmas carols at the top of your lungs. Works better around summer.
161. Get a mirror and put it on top of a cart so it lay across it. Get on top and have someone push you down an isle, and Sing "Surfin' USA"
162. When the intercom comes on, fall on your knees and scream in tears of joy, "God has spoken!!"
163. Get on a bike and ride around and crash into everything and everyone who gets in your way.
164. Pour a bunch of lemonade from the entrance to the bathroom and come out saying someone should have told me where the bathroom was quicker!
165. Steal guns and ammo and shoot all the TV's you can find. whoever blows up most wins
166. Get an umbrella and have someone in a cart (or just a tall person) pour water on it while you sing Raindrops Are Fallin' On My Head.
167. Call the front desk and when they answer the phone say I'm sorry, your call could not be completed as dialed. Please hang up and try again. Then call and say I'm sorry, I will have to put you on hold. Can you call back? I'm busy on isle 3.
168. Go into one of those employees only doors and go behind some food shelves. when people reach out to grab food, grab their arm and start to pull on it.
169. eat all the ice cream boxes and then blame it on a worker with ice cream all over your face
170. Pour carrots on the floor so the employees have to pick it up. Continue doing it for a long period of time.
171. Skate around on a skateboard, then fall over and pretend to break your leg.
172. Start playing the violin.
173. Stare at a blank T.V, for an hour and when somebody asks what your doing, answer, "Shh, this is my favorite show!"
174. Stand on the conveyor belt at the check out with a barcode on your forehead.
175. Start saying stuff like argetrargrehargenstartgen to everyone who walks in.
176. walk around in dirty cloths and eat all the produce lika a bum
177. Poke people and run away screaming, "Don't touch me!!"
178. Stare at people for a minute and then smile at them happily
179. Beat your chest and run around screaming like Tarzan.
180. Throw stuff on the floor and start yelling at an imaginary friend.
181. Shoot spitwads at people and then fall on the ground laughing hysterically
182. Go into a bathroom that is of the opposite gender of yourself and open the stalls saying, "Ooh la la!"
183. Walk up to random people, give them a hug, and say, "I love you!"
184. Dress up as an old man and start stealing stuff
185. Start a fire, then sit around it with your friends in Indian clothes.
186. Walk around in a court jester costume
187. Run at people with a pitch fork
188. Pretend that you're having a heart attack
189. Throw tomatoes at people and then tackle them
190. Get on the intercom and calmly say, "Attention shoppers. I would like to inform you that the world is about to end, and that there's a sale on isle two."
191. Buy a carton of vanilla ice cream, run up to the cash register, tell the cashier you forgot your money, then start dancing like Napoleon Dynamite, screaming, "Where's my chap stick?!"
192. Pretend to be Spiderman by running up walls and trying to save people
193. Claim isle three as your 'Secret Lair'
194. Run around the store singing the My Little Pony theme song as loud as you can.
195. Get a giant Christmas stocking and hop around in it like it's a potato sack on field day
196. Build a wall out of stuffed animals
197. Put on a cape and run around singing the Phantom of the Opera
198. Yell curse words at people
199. Knock down as many displays as you can
200. Go up to a random old guy with white hair and say, "I want Bratz for Christmas! Thank you Santa!" and then give him a hug and run away.
201. Dress up in a super villain costume and then go around the store yelling, "MARRY ME!" to random people
202. Go up to a tough looking guy and push him and say you wanna fight? And when he pushes back start to cry and run away
203. Point to a cash register and ask the cashier, "How much is that?"
204. Get a tent and campout with the Barbie dolls in the toy isle
205. Chew gum loudly in people's faces
206. Throw a poke-ball at someone and yell, "PIKACHU, I CHOOSE YOU!"
207. Turn on all the flashlights, hang them from the ceiling, stand under them, scatter confetti at your feet, and start singing, using a Barbie as a microphone.
208. Play baseball in the middle of the store, then score a home run and run around the store screaming.
209. Flirt with someone, plan a date, and then break up with them, all in 10 minutes.
210. Get a cart and pile it high with items. When the cashier tells you the price, exclaim, "What a rip off!" And walk out of the store.
211. Start singing, "Tinkle, tinkle, little star! In a toilet that's real far! Up above us in the sky! It's weird to learn that pee does fly! Make sure it does never land! In my, my, my, my, my hand!"
212. Find all the beans you can and put them in your cart, and then tell random people that it's your breakfast, lunch, and dinner for the next couple years.
213. Pay for your stuff with all pennies, and then come up one too short.
214. Scream, "Look! Someone's stealing an old lady's purse!" and when they look away, take all the stuff in their cart and throw it around the store shouting "I'm a terrorist!"
215. Run out of the dressing room screaming, "Michael Jackson has my dad!"
216. Go to the pet isle. Point to a fish and say, "I'll have that one. And that one. And that one..." Keep going until you've pointed to every fish they have in stock
217. Tap dance through the store
218. Change the music on the intercom to Mexican
219. Rip open every package you see
220. Get on a bike and have your friend chase you. Pretend you are going to run over somebody and then move out the way.
221. Stand in front of the security camera and pretend to die (dramatically)
222. Scream "SECURITY!" as loud as you can. When they come up act all panicky and say "This is really important!" Then smile and say, "Hi."
223. Sing "Mary Had A Little Lamb" as loud as you can in the music section, then smile and say "Well, it's the music section so I thought you might like some live music." Then sing it again.
224. Run around with underwear on your head, screaming, "I am Captain Underpants!"
225. Follow a male security dude and ask him where the "feminine needs" are.
226. Go to the toy isle, set up the GI joe figures and yell, " Then it's WAR!!"
227. Pull down your pants next to a flower display and "water" the flowers.
228. Go to the bakery section and yell "I LOVE PIE!" to everyone you see.
229. Take all the pets out of their cages, including the fish.
230. Grab a strawberry shortcake doll and go to the bakery section. Tell the baker "I'd like to buy strawberry shortcake!" and hold the doll in their face.
231. Scream, "GET OUT OF MY YARD!" to everyone who walks by you.
232. Announce that there's a huge sale at Target
233. Throw a party in a busy isle
234. Test drive lawn mowers
235. Have a tennis tournament in the middle of the store
236. Throw all the bouncy balls in the toy section everywhere and let them bounce around
237. Carry a bomb and make it explode
238. Eat a bunch of candy and refuse to pay for it
239. Go to the in store restaurant and order anything. When receiving it tell them that this was not what you wanted. Refuse to pay and go tell the manager
240. Hide in a pile of plushies and then jump out at people who walk by
241. Act like an old lady and scream, "AH! I broke my back! This wouldn't happen at Target!"
242. Pretend to be a life size Barbie. When someone wants to buy you, run away screaming that someone was trying to kidnap you.
243. Take a marker to all the happy faces. Then change the prices. That will start an uproar
244. When a clerk stops you and asks your name read their name of their id card. When they say it's not your name scream, "IDENTITY THEFT!!"
245. Throw jelly sweets at the cashiers
246. Steal a shopping cart(As in take it out of the store and put it in your car)
247. Ride on the back of the carts. (they hate it when you do that) Run into other carts yelling like a maniac.
248. Follow one person around the store. Poke them ever so often. When the snap and yell at you scream, "STALKER!!"
249. Pretend like you're a person who works there and walk around saying, "Can I help you find anything?"
250. Spill cooking oil all over the floor and then slide in it
251. Pretend like you're blind and can't find what your looking for. Go up to random people and ask, "Will you help me find some cat food for Fluffy?"
252. Bowl with bottles full of open soda
253. Run around with a bowl of cheerios yelling, "It lowered my cholesterol!"
254. Order a pizza from the cashier
255. Ask to have your pizza shaken, not stirred
256. Start a food fight
257. Go up to a fat woman and say, "Taxi?"
258. Put underwear over your shorts, get a blue shirt, yellow paint, and red paint, paint an s on the shirt, go to the material section, cut a red cape, then get an umbrella, open it, and jump off the tops of shelves.
259. Take the spray paint and paint all the people around you
260. Go up to random people and hug them while putting a 'Kick Me' sign on the back of their shirt
261. Hide in dark places with a golden ring. when people walk by, jump out at them hissing, "We wants it! You cants have it!" Then gently whisper, "it will be alright my precious"
262. Flip off the manager
263. Go to the food section, take all of the boxed items out, and stack them up to make a fort. Glue can help. And creating a 'distraction' elsewhere for the employees to handle while you work does too...
264. Drop a pen and let someone else go and pick it up for you. When they do try to pick it up yell to them, "HEY THATS MY PEN THEIF!"
265. Bring a slip n' slide blast some Music and bring some random people to it and kick their back so they slide accross the slip n' slide and scream "PARTY IN THE HIZ HOUSE!!"
266. Throw a dance party
267. Write on the floors
268. Pull all the clothes off the racks into a pile on the floor and hide under it, and when someone tries to pick the clothes up, leap out cackling madly and run down the aisles, still cackling.
269. Go up to someone and say "look over there" Then pull down their pants. And, if you're lucky, their underwear.
270. Pretend to have an asthma attack, and when someone tries to help you, bite them. Or pretend to faint.
271. Get a bag of chips and walk around the store eating them. When an employee tries to stop you or make you pay, tell them that they're your chips! Keep screaming it.
272. Spray a customer with pepper spray and scream, "Help! Help! He's a rapist!"
273. Pretend to be a rabid dog and run around growling at people. Then if someone tries to stop you, bite them.
274. Lie on the floor. Just lie there. It is guaranteed to freak people out. Either pretend to be asleep, or to have passed out.
275. Take toys and put them on the floor and take a cart. Start running over the toys screaming, "Monster Truck Mania!!"
276. Climb up the shelves/storage units, then refuse to come down.
277. Take red juice Pour it on your face make streaks or stripes then layout on the floor with a flower in your hand when a crowd of people come stand up and walk like a zombie!
278. Grab a bowl, spoon, milk, and cereal. Eat it right there and tell them you'll pay when your done.
279. Stand on the conveyer belt when your checking out and walk like its a treadmill... then ask for a speed increase
280. Wrap yourself in toilet paper rolls and pretend to be a mummy looking for your wife, Cleopatra
281. Follow a stranger around and mimic them. Continue doing this for a long period of time.
282. If you are in Target, say there is a code yellow
283. Get some candy corn form the candy aisle put two on your canine teeth and go around the store biting peoples necks
284. Flirt with the manager's wife
285. Walk calmly to the CDs, when u see one that has Hilary Duff, yell (if you're a fan) OHMIGOD! HILARY'S LATEST! OHMIGOSH, I, LIKE HAVE TO HAVE THIS! (if you're not a fan) Find a hammer, take the CD, gently put it on the floor, then mash it like a madman.
286. Run around spinning and say you're the Tasmanian devil
287. Run around in circles and yell, "I'M THE CIRCLE MAN!"
288. Announce a sock-sliding contest and take off your shoes and start sliding. It's actually really fun...
289. Go up to a employee ask for a application and where it says goals write down 'to take over Wal-Mart' and turn it in
290. Get a water gun and threaten someone with it. A cashier is usually a prime candidate. Then say in a low, dangerous voice (without collapsing into laughter) "Empty out the cash register."
291. Take a soda, shake it up, and then spray it at people.
292. Hide in the clothes so when someone comes to look you yell, "PICK ME!"
293. Request that an employee find you an imaginary product, then keep saying: "I know it's here somewhere, just keep looking!" Eventually the employee will run out of patience, so then you say: "You've been punked!" And run out screaming and laughing. (Maybe you won't get kicked out, but you'll freak an employee out...)
294. Print out a bunch of advertisements for Target, Marshalls, etc... Then calmly go around taping/gluing/stapling them to products, people, and walls. It helps to have a WHOLE lot of them.
295. Move things around. (Put frozen food in with the barbies, etc...)
296. If a fat person has a twinkies in their cart take it out and start eating it and spit it out on them and yell, "That crud is sick!"
297. Point at an old man and yell, "LOOK EVERYONE! IT'S BRITNEY SPEARS!"
298. Put a ski mask on and wear a black cape with black clothes and a fake sword and yell, "Zoro has returned!"
299. Dress up as an old lady and whack people with your purse and when employees come to stop you, pretend to faint
300. Go to Wal-Mart at 2:00 in the morning and do cartwheels around the store screaming, "I'm pregnant!"
301. Put on a long wig and claim to be Pocahontas
302. Break some glass, then accuse a flying monkey
303. Threaten a cashier with a candy bar
304. Bring in scissors and glue. If anyone asks, tell them you are fulfilling your dream of giving Wal Mart a Make Over.
305. Buy a bag of candy. Start to walk away, then ask if you can exchange them. Repeat until they get angry.
306. Go to the dairy section and protest against milking cows. Say things like, "What if the cows aren't ok with us milking them? Cows have rights too!" 307. Redecorate the Rollback Smiley Face so he is green with neon pink eyes.
308. Go up to the manager and ask where the nearest K-Mart is.
309. If you see a couple holding hands, run through their hands and scream, "RED ROVER!"
310. Grab a gnome, then hide in a clothes rack and when someone picks out a shirt or whatever jump out and yell "The gnome did it! The gnome did it!" Then throw the gnome and run.
311. Put up free sample signs all over the store and watch people leave with their "free samples."
312. Run around the store screaming, "OMG! HELP! PINTO BEANS ARE TAKING OVER COSTCO! AHHH!"
313. In Walmart, they give out free stickers. Take them and decorate your body with them. 314. Get a bunch of your friends, about 10 or more, and go up to a lady who looks like she's in her 20's. When there are lots of people around, ask, "Mommy? Can we have some ice cream?"
315. Spit in the manager's face
316. Stare at a customer for a long time while saying, "Hello, hello, hello" nonstop until they get really mad
317. Go to customer service and say, "Your fat vallet guy stole my car."
318. Put an "Out of Order" sign on the manager's butt
319. Go up to customers and whisper, "Seven Days..." and if they turn around, pelt them with Skittles
320. Melt chocolate, then scream, "Free face masks!"
321. Wear a pair of bright yellow pants on your head and run around screaming, "They Got Me!!"
322. Slap the manager and scream, "He's alive! He's ALIVE!!"
323. Put a lot of matches and gasoline in your cart, then smile at people
324. Run around the store five times, and when you are done, scream, "I WIN!" and do a victory dance
325. Let a collie lose in the store, then scream, "Lassie, come home!"
326. Make your friend that's a guy try on girl clothes and then have him run around like a crazy person.
327. Hide in a boys clothes rack, and when a boy with glasses walks by, scream, "You're a wizard, Harry!"
328. Grab lots of G.I. Joe action figures and Water Bombs and yell, "ITS WAR!!" whenever someone walks by and throw the bombs at them.
329. Put a Dora toy on the floor and when someone tries to pick it up, yell, "Swiper No Swiping!"
330. Buy a fake but expensive looking vase. (ex. a cheap glass pot.) Fill it with some ash and soot. Then take it to an employee, bump into him and drop it so it shatters. Then keep screaming at him that it was your mother and you will sue him for every thing he owns, and tell him he has to pick it up then and there or he will be cursed for 10 years.
331. Put a squirt gun in a stuffed elmo's hand and scream, "Everybody down!! Elmo's got a gun!"
332. Drive around in a kiddie car singing the batman theme song.
333. Run around with underwear on your head screaming, "I'm Blind!!
MyHeroTheSeaweedBrain
Ash Redfern & MaryLynnette Carter by Rhay Baby reviews