Dwarves are not accepted in the Shire, with one notable exception-the dwarf who was pulled from the river as a young child with no memory and a toy bow and raised by Bilbo Baggins. When 12 dwarves arrive at Bag End, his world is turned upside down, and he is forced to chose who he truly is, the nephew of a king or the son of a hobbit. In his heart, he will always be Kili Baggins.

At the brink of death, Sergeant Talya "Tal" Conner is brought to Middle-Earth by Gandalf the Grey. With the knowledge of how the quest ends, can she change the fortune of those fated to die? Strong Language, some adult situations. Thorin/OC

Bilbo has been planning to kill himself for a while. However, he wants to go out with a big bang and not just a common death. Cue Gandalf and his invitation to a dangerous adventure that will surely give him an opportunity to die in a lot of interesting ways. Now, if only those bothersome dwarves stop saving him at every attempt . . . Full prompt inside. Half serious, half not.

"Before he knew what was happening, Thorin was pinned to the ground, the strange woman's forearm on his neck. Her eyes were red from crying, and held a delirious quality which was, quite frankly, terrifying. He could see the front of her bizarre vest now, because it was right above him. And on it, in bold white font, were the letters F.B.I."