I woke up with Alex still embracing me. The weight of her body being pressed against mine gives me security. When I'm in her arms, I feel like the most special girl in the world. She can easily make me believe that I am everything to her. I wish these feelings are infinite.
I rolled over so that I can see her face, we have been spooning all night. At the moment I moved, even in her sleeping state, she tightened her hold on me. It's like she's afraid to let go of me, not wanting to lose me. Silly Alex, if she only knew, it's extremely hard to get rid of me.
How is it possible that I miss her while I'm with her?
I caressed her face tenderly and when I reached her soft lips, memories of last night flooded my mind, my heart beat went wild. She made me feel things that I have never felt before. It's unbelievable how the simplest touch from her drives me crazy. It's also embarrassing enough how easy for her to make me come undone.
So that's what they call the second base, huh? Aside from the fact that Alex knows what she's doing, the thought of her doing that to me is the major turn on. Maybe that's why I almost...oh gosh! Thinking about it again makes my whole body tremble. A part of me was upset when she stopped, but I was thankful that she did. She's right, we are going too fast. What if my body can't handle it? Thinking about it makes me scared and excited at the same time.
It's half past four am. We still have a couple of hours before she leaves. I usually let her sleep up to the last minute until she needs to go but today, I will try to wake her up.
I kissed her. No response.
She always smells so clean, masked with vanilla and mint fragrant. Intoxicating and addicting. I kissed her again, more deeply this time and with a subtle bite on her lip.
"Hmm", she moaned and I can see that she's beaming lightly but her eyes are still closed. She'll never know how beautiful she is to me. I want to memorize every part of her face.
"Keep staring, I may do a trick", she said with her low-husky-just-woke up voice.
"It depends on the trick", I answered.
"It involves you twitching", and with one swift motion, she's now on top of me. She pinned both of my arms just above my head wrapping her left hand to my wrists. The blanket fell off of us and it's a little bit cold, good thing I let Alex convinced me to put my shirt back on last night.
"Why did you woke me?" She asked but I could not talk back because she's attacking my belly with her right hand, tickling me to death. She exactly knows where to touch so that she can torture me.
"Al, don't. Please stop!" I screamed hoping that no one will hear me. Thankfully, she obeyed quickly. That is one of the great things about Alex, if she knows that I'm uncomfortable, she stops, whatever the situation is. I know that she really do cares about me.
After my breathing has evened out, I pulled her closer and kissed her. Another thing that is great about Alex? She never turns me down. "So, you disturbed my dreaming just so we can make out?" She asked after we break the kiss.
"Well it sounds terrible if you say it that way, but I'm trying to be romantic." I said sheepishly.
"It is romantic, and sweet", she said and then gave me a quick kiss. She lie down beside me, I know she wants to talk. "Good thing you woke me up though, I need to tell you something."
"No."
"What?"
"My answer is no."
"No to what?"
"If you're breaking up with me because your mom said so, then no. Tell Diane I know what I'm getting myself into."
"I'm not breaking up with you, Pipes."
"Okay, good."
"And she would never ask me to do that."
"Got it. I'm only clarifying that one out babe. So what's up?"
"My mom wants us to tell your parents that we're together."
"Oh", is the only word I could utter as a response. I know Diane means well, but I don't think what she wants is possible right now.
"They deserve to know of what's going on between us."
"I don't think I'm ready, Alex. My parents, they are very different from yours. They may tolerate this but honestly, I don't think they will ever fully accept it."
"So your plan is to keep this from them forever?" First time in a long time, I can sense that Alex is frustrated. She rarely shows this side of her to me. But what can I do?!
"I don't think it's time to do this." I said with a little bit of annoyance, "and I'm not saying to keep this forever, I just need to prepare myself before telling them."
No answer.
"We can maybe wait until I'm eighteen? By then, they technically have no say about it. Right?"
Still no answer.
"Alex..."
"I don't know what to say. I can't force you to be out to your parents if you say you're not ready." She said while brooding.
"I will be, but not now. I'll explain it to your mom."
"No it's okay, I'll talk to her." She's still staring at the ceiling.
"Are you mad at me?"
"Pipes, coming out is personal. I can never be mad at you, or to anyone, for not being ready." She said as she finally met my gaze. I can feel her sincerity from the way she looks at me. I don't deserve this spectacular human! I hugged her ever to tightly in response, "thanks, Al."
"So MIT or Harvard?" I started the conversation to change the mood.
"I'm giving you the power to choose for me." She said with a smirk.
WOW
Being jittery is an understatement of how I feel right now, I can't stop thinking about our upcoming family dinner. Good thing that Nicky invited us to go out for lunch. We are currently at this diner trying to order but something caught my attention.
"Did you just flirt back at her?"
"Pipes, all I did was ask if they still have pancakes."
"Yeah, and now she's gonna give it to you for free?!" I think my voice came out a lot louder than I intended.
"Calm down blondie, Vause has no control over her smolder." Nicky interjected and she's not helping at all.
"Seriously?! In front of me?" This is really pissing me off. My mind is no longer being bugged by the event I'm dreading to happen tonight but I can't believe that Alex just entertained the waitress who's definitely into her, while I'm watching. And I'm 100% sure that she knows what she's doing.
"We were only negotiating and I didn't expect her to agree with me." She said as she pulls me closer to her while grabbing me by the waist. "And I don't smolder Nichols!"
"Whatever you want to call it, that thing you did with your face, it gives us a lot of free stuff, so keep doing it." Nicky said matter-of-factly.
"Does this happen a lot?" I'm really curious of what these two have been doing when I'm not around.
"Alex Vause is the epitome of sexual currency." Nicky said while laughing. I instantly regretted asking her. "And it works on both men and women." She continued.
"Don't listen to her Pipes, she's just trying to entertain herself because Lorna is not here." Alex obviously wants to divert our attention to a different topic.
"Vause here has the ability to convince anyone to do any of her bidding just by her alluring looks and some chitchats. It even works on me sometimes, you know what I mean." She said while looking at me with a wide grin, "and if she puts her mind into it, she can definitely recruit a bunch of people and build a cult." Nicky exaggerated but I get her point. Alex has this charisma that does work on many people.
"There was this one time, we were at a club somewhere, there was this girl that couldn't stop eyeing her. I didn't know how but when we left the place, the girl came out with Alex, leaving the girl's boyfriend behind. That was fucking lit." I'm not sure if I want to hear these stories just yet.
"Okay, enough with that Nicky. Did she broke up with you?" Alex is seriously trying to find out what is going on with Nicky now and honestly, I don't want her going on about Alex's past hook ups.
"I don't know man, she's not answering any of my calls." Nicky gave in. I think the real reason we're here is for her to see Lorna. Her laughter is a facade to hide her frustration.
"What happened?" I asked. I'm really concerned about them too but a part of me is glad we're changing the subject.
"She saw me with an acquaintance the other day. This said acquaintance is leaving my house early in the morning, while simultaneously bumping into Lorna, who is at my doorstep, planning to surprise me with a visit." I imagined being in Lorna's shoes and I'm furious.
"Nicky what were you thinking!" I might be shouting a little bit."Why date her if you're not serious?!" I scolded her.
"She never said we're official. I don't want to assume that we're together." She's got a point. That's exactly one of my worries with Alex before.
"Communication is key Nicky." I said.
"Yeah, you just need to talk to her man. Don't worry she'll show up, give her time." Alex reassured Nicky that we'll help her find ways to make it up with Lorna. We then ate our lunch and tried to cheer her up. She continued to talk about how Alex can easily be a pimp and I stopped her from there. I had enough of her weird notions. I like my Alex to be just the nerd, confident, smart, understanding, and sweet Alex. Now that I think of it, words are not enough for me to describe her.
Alex is now driving us back home. She tries to hold my hand right after she shifts the gear and we exchange goofy smiles at each other every time.
"Why did you buy an automatic car if you really prefer manual transition?" I asked after listening to her explanation about the different car transmissions. She definitely enjoys her dad's truck that we're currently on right now.
"Automatic cars are more convenient and comfortable. And, I can always borrow this from dad when I miss driving a stick shift", she's happy when she talks about her favorite things. "I learned how to drive with this baby. This is old but gol- -oh shit!" Alex pulled over.
"What happened?" I asked not knowing what's going on.
"We have a flat tire, I can feel it." We both went out of the car and Alex is right, one of the front wheel is punctured.
"Tell me how great your dad's truck again?" I teased her.
"I knew you'd say that", she said while rubbing my back, which made me melt in an instant. "Come on, help me change the tire, Pipes." She ordered but in a nice way. She assessed the tire and found out a nail on it. How did it get in there?!
Now all we need to do is loosen the lug nuts, raise the car using a jack, install the spare tire, tighten the lug nuts back, lower the vehicle and we're good to go. Well, it was easily said than done, because it took us almost forty five minutes to finish up. Alex said she had fun doing it because it's her first time but for me, I would never imagine myself changing a tire again. I only enjoyed it because we're together. This made me realize that I can handle crappy situations as long as I'm with her. Can I get any more sappier?
"Shit!"
"What is it this time?" I asked knowing that her cussing definitely implies that we're not leaving any time soon. We're already seated inside the car so Alex went out again. She opened the hood and checked the engine. She came back inside the car looking for her phone.
"We need rescuing this time, the battery is dead I think, I have to call my dad." Alex said while looking apologetic. I smiled to show her that it's okay. She then proceeded to talk to her dad.
"He's on his way."
"Can't we just Walter White this thing?" And with that, I made her laugh.
"Yeah if we have zinc, graphite, mercuric oxide and potassium hydroxide..." I love it when she talks nerd and not even realizing it. "But what they did on the show only works in theory, if you disregard the actual amps needed to start the RV. In actuality, the battery they made would not be powerful enough due to Ohm's law...why are you smiling?"
"Nothing." I said while chuckling.
"Creep."
"You love it."
"Yeah...I do." She said with a smirk. Wait what?
"So, I talked to my mom." She's obviously changing the subject and I'm thankful because I'm still on cloud nine.
"You should have let me explained it to her."
"It's fine, I made her realize that coming out is important and it should be done in your own time. She wants to apologize to you actually, for being pushy."
"That's not necessary." We smiled at each other again for the nth time. She's now holding my hand, drawing tiny circles on my palm. I don't think she knows the effect of what she's doing to me. We then both got startled when her dad tapped the window making his presence known. Thank god he's here, I think I'm convulsing.
"You alright kids? Sorry I got caught up in a heavy traffic."
"We're okay dad." Alex reassured him. She then explained what happened and his dad is proud of us for successfully changing the flat tire. Then they started to talk about mechanical stuff that I don't really care or understand.
"You're right it's the battery, and we really should have replaced it weeks ago."
"We should probably check the alternator too dad." And I got lost to whatever they're talking about again. But because of what happened today, I now have the perfect idea of a gift for Alex.
They called a mechanic to take the car to a shop so that they can run further tests to make sure it's working properly. Alex's dad is now driving us back home, and my anxiety is back.
"So, how's Danny?" Diane asked my mom.
"Oh he's doing great. He's got a girlfriend now though, I hope she's not a distraction." Way to go mom.
"He said he's starting to hate pizza and fast food", Cal commented.
"At least he's not sticking with ramen noodles, those were my go to when I was in college." Wilson interjected.
We are currently having awkward conversations at the dining table. My dad is sitting on the head seat with me on his left side. Wilson is sitting opposite me with Diane on his right side. Alex is between me and Cal, while my mom is on the other head seat across my dad.
"I heard you're going for an Engineering course?" My dad directs the question to Alex. That's weird that he's talking to her.
"Yes, Sir. I think I'm gonna major in Mechanical or Civil, I haven't decided yet." Alex answered.
"She's going to MIT!" I announce, I'm a little too excited I guess.
"Just like your dad, huh?" Dad comments, he's still addressing Alex, "I have always wanted for my children to follow my footsteps too but I don't think that's happening with my boys, but Piper might", he continued and looked at me with a smile. I know that in his heart, he only wants what's best for us, but he cannot dictate what we want to do with our lives.
"Danny decided to be a Veterinarian, thanks to his girlfriend, and Cal wants to be a Programmer." Mom gave out a disgusted expression but I don't see anything wrong with those careers.
"Piper wants to study English and Literature." Cal said and I want to strangle him right now.
"It's one of my options." I reasoned.
"You should, you'll be top of the class, Pipes", Alex comments, "you're always erudite and well informed."
"Piper can be a great writer." Diane said sweetly. These two are very kind.
"That won't secure you with any future job dear." My mom said.
"My brother is a literature graduate with doctorate, he's currently a professor." Wilson chimed in but my mom went on and on about why I need to be an accountant, because my dad expects me to, and she gave a subtle reiteration that I should not disappoint them.
They are trying to take over my life. They want me to choose the life they are designing for me. If I let them do this, what's next? They will never stop.
This is suffocating.
I still hear them talking but I am now in a different dimension. I just want this dinner to be over so that I can go to sleep. I want to drown myself with the illusion that I am in control.
Then I felt her reaching for my hand. She held it tenderly and I looked at her. She is giving me a closed lip smile. This gesture is making me calm and it reminded me that she's the substantiation that I still have freedom in this world.
"I'm in love with Alex."I declared.
Deafening silence followed.
Thank you so much for reading and I also love reading your comments!