Selene went down on her own, leaving John to follow along after he had finished the jobs that he insisted had to be done before he could leave. She knew he was lying to her, knew that he just needed a little time on his own to mentally prepare himself for the coming hours. She didn't blame him and didn't hold it against him, she simply kissed him, told him she loved him and then threatened to come back up and drag him down if he wasn't there in two hours. There was only so much sweetness she could give.
She trusted EOS to dock the elevator safely and not try to kill her, which was a miracle in itself. She and the AI had indeed formed a truce and surprisingly, had become friends. It was true what they say, once you find a common ground, in this case John, you could be friends with anyone if you tried hard enough.
She left the elevator and made her way straight to the kitchen and began raiding the cupboards. She knew that Grandma Tracy wouldn't mind, in fact she liked the company, that and passing off the witches cooking as her own.
There wasn't much to work with, this being near the end of the month when supplies were dwindling, but she did her best.
She dug through the freezer, taking out a few bags of chilli that she'd made previously, dumping them in a pot on the stove to defrost. She then threw some large potatoes in the oven to bake, thinking they would be nicer than rice, along with some pre-rolled and frozen cookie dough balls.
Kayo appeared in the kitchen half an hour after she'd docked and helped her to make a salad and grate some cheese. Then she made sure the drinks fridge was stocked with enough beers to stun a college football team. There was nothing else to do but wait for the boys to arrive home.
Scott was first, his engines having a distinctive sound, a higher pitch than 2's and not as loud. They stopped talking as he docked, knowing their words would be drowned out anyway.
Virgil's crew in 2 followed about 15 minutes behind Scott, the deep bass of her engines vibrating the air as she touched down and slid into her hidey hole in the side of the volcanic mountain rock that made up the middle of the island.
Scott wandered slowly into the kitchen, silently accepting the beer that Kayo handed him.
"Everything go as it should with the authorities?" she wanted to know, probably already planning how she could make life miserable for anyone that dared cause trouble for her adoptive brothers.
"As well as it could, " he acknowledged, glugging back a good half of the bottle. "They knew they were out there, they knew they chose to stay and they know we'd have done everything in our power to try to help them. That's all they asked really."
He sat down on one of the kitchen stools, looking tired and mentally wrung out, not that Selene could blame him.
They didn't really have anything else to say, and small talk seemed trivial and pointless compared to what had happened that day, so she contented herself with stirring the chilli, checking the potatoes and heating up a large pan of milk to make some cocoa for those who might want it.
Alan was next to arrive, and she immediately offered him a hug, wrapping her arms tightly around her little sweetheart until he squirmed to get away. Settling him down with a mug of chocolate and a couple of the now baked cookies.
John's voice cut into the quiet of the kitchen, telling them he'd be at least another half hour, earning him a pointed time reminder from his witch which he ignored.
When Virgil hadn't appeared more than twenty minutes after Alan, she went in search of him, loading up with cookies, a mug of chocolate and a bottle of beer under her arm.
She found him still sitting in 2, though he opened the module hatch to allow her entry when he saw her through the window.
"You OK, mighty meaty?"
That got a small laugh from him, a low rumble in his chest. "I never know what you're going to call us next."
She shrugged. "Feel sorry for your brother, he never knows what I'm gonna say at any given moment and you know unpredictability drives him nuts."
She held up the mug for his inspection, and then the beer. He took them both, putting the beer down for later and sipping from the mug, accepting the cookies too.
"Where's Squidward?"
"Gordon? He left as soon as we got back, I haven't seen him. I was going to go find him as soon as I was done here."
"But it all got a bit too much?"
V opened his mouth to argue, to insist that he was fine, but took one look at her warning eyebrow and nodded. "Yeah, I just needed a few minutes."
Without asking permission she plopped down on his lap and gave him the biggest hug in the history of hugs. Virgil was their gentle giant, the sweetheart that gave comfort and affection to everyone else and hardly ever accepted it in return. Well, he'd better get used to it with her there.
It took a few moments, but then his big arms wrapped around her, squashing her against his chest.
She didn't try to move, she didn't try to break the hug, she was there for the long haul, for as long as any of them needed her, she'd be there. She knew that taking on one Tracy meant you took on the rest, they were a package deal and she was more than happy with that.
Eventually his arms loosened their tight grip and she felt him begin to pull away, though she wouldn't let him go before he got a kiss on the cheek and another squeeze.
"There's baked potatoes and chilli in the kitchen."
Virgil made a face. "Yeah, I'm not that hungry, I'll just stick with these cookies."
She patted his shoulder as she hauled herself up.
"Grandma didn't cook, I heated up those leftovers I put in the freezer."
"On second thoughts, maybe I could manage a little something."
They walked together to the kitchen where she deposited him on a stool with a plateful of food, forcing the same on Scott who seemed to be on his third beer. Alan was already eating having helped himself.
Selene busied herself on the other side of the kitchen, leaving them to eat. Quickly she made a flask of chamomile tea, with lemon and honey as per his requirements, and made two grilled cheese sandwiches, with three kinds of cheese, his favourite. She tucked the sandwiches into a warming box and slipped silently away.
She knocked quietly on his door, knowing she would likely be ignored. She waited a few minutes then knocked again.
"Hey, Aquaman, I know you're in there."
No answer greeted her, but she heard the shuffle of feet on the other side of the door.
"Sweetheart, please, let me in."
Nothing.
"I'm not going away, so you deal with me, or with Scott, who's your better option?"
The lock clicked and the door opened a crack. "No offence, but I just want to be alone right now."
"What we want and what we need are two completely different things, darling one." She held up her offerings. "I brought you a snack."
"I'm not hungry, Sel."
She pushed past him into his room, ignoring his huff of frustration, plonking down on the end of his bed and patting the mattress in invitation.
"Come talk to me."
"I don't want to talk!"
"I know," she replied calmly, "but again, what we want and what we need aren't the same."
She opened the flask and poured him a cup of tea, wiggling it in invitation.
"You're not leaving, are you?"
She shook her head. "Not a snowball's chance in hell."
Sighing he took the cup from her, holding it between both his hands as he slowly sat down.
"Today wasn't your fault."
The glare he threw at her would have killed a lesser man, thankfully she was a woman and immune to such things.
"I'm serious, I won't let you sit here and beat yourself up over something you couldn't change."
"You won't let me?" Anger replaced his usually cheerful tone. "Who are you to let me do anything? What the hell do you know about anything?"
"I'm someone who loves you and cares about you. I know that I saw what happened today. I know that you couldn't have done anything differently."
He slammed the cup down on his bedside table and leapt to his feet. "I could have saved them! I could have done my job! They were counting on me…" his fingers tunnelled into his hair, gripping the sandy strands as if to rip them from his head. "I let them down."
"No you didn't."
"I FAILED THEM!"
"Failing them would have been not trying at all."
He seemed to deflate before her eyes, slumping in on himself. His voice when he spoke was barely above a whisper. "I let them die."
She got to her feet, pulling him into her arms.
He was stiff in her embrace and she almost let go, but her every instinct told her to wait it out.
Slowly, hesitantly, his arms slipped around her waist, his head lowering to rest against her shoulder.
"You didn't let them die, sweetheart. You fought for them. You cared enough to try, endangering yourself in the process."
"It wasn't enough. They died because of me." She held him tighter, rocking him as she would a child.
"No baby, they died because of themselves. They made their choice, they decided to go out there, they chose to ignore the warnings and break the rules. They were in trouble before the quakes. They made their choice and that is not on you."
"It doesn't feel that way."
"I know, sweetheart, I know. And nothing I can say will change how you see it. But I might have an idea that will help."
A pair of chocolate brown eyes, shiny with moisture, looked up at her.
"You trust me?"
A heartbeat…two…then he nodded.
"OK, let's go."
"Go? Go where?" Gordon stepped out of her embrace to stare at her in confusion.
"Your favourite place." She tipped the tea back into the flash and screwed the lid on tight, scooping up the sandwich box too.
"My favourite place?"
"Yep, I know you have one, everyone does. Where do you go when you need to be at peace?"
He paused, then the start of what might possibly be a tiny smile lifted his lips.
The waves lapped gently against the sand as they walked slowly along the beach, heading for a natural lagoon on the south side of the island.
"It's beautiful, but then the whole island is. Totally amazing, a little slice of the world that's just yours."
"I rehabbed here after my accident, when I wasn't cleared to swim in the sea because of the tide."
"Can I ask you a question?"
He turned away from the water to look at her.
"Could I actually stop you if I wanted to?"
She shrugged. "Honestly, probably not, but if I thought you couldn't answer I wouldn't ask."
"Go on then," he sighed, admitting defeat.
"Who do you blame for your accident?"
His frown was epic. "What kind of question is that? I don't blame anyone. I was stupid, I thought I was better than I was and I forgot the golden rule. Respect the sea."
She didn't say anything else, just left him to puzzle over that one as she sat down on the side of the bank. Uncaring as to the fact that she was still fully dressed in jeans and a T-shirt, she slipped into the water.
Gordon stared at the crazy lady that had steamrolled her way into their lives.
"Are you just going to stand and stare at me all day, or are you going to join me?"
He hadn't changed out of his wetsuit uniform and honestly a dip would probably do him good. Slowly he lowered himself into the water.
Selene held out her hand. "Come here."
He was hesitant at first but remembered that he'd agreed to trust her and placed his hand in hers.
She tugged him closer then grabbed his shoulders, turning him around. "Lay back."
"What?"
"Did I stutter? Lay back."
He'd had the worse kind of day and now it seemed like he was about to have the strangest night too. His brother really knew how to pick the weirdest of girlfriends.
"What have you got to lose?"
She was taunting him, her tone clearly implying he was some kind of whimp. His anger flared again. She had interrupted him, forced her way into his room then dragged him out for this? Fine! She wanted him to lay back, he would.
He let his legs lift up and his body relax into her hold.
"Good, you do have a sensible side."
"And you have a death wish."
"Of course I do," she agreed just to humour him. "Now, you remember what I taught John?"
He frowned. "That grounding thing?"
"Yep, but we're doing it your way. You in?"
Was he in? He didn't even know what in was. How could you be in if you didn't have a clue what you were volunteering for?
She waited patiently, not pushing him.
"I'm in, I guess."
"Smart choice, water baby."
Water baby? What was with her and the nicknames?
"Now, I want you to stop thinking and just feel."
Stop thinking? How was that even possible? What was he supposed to feel?
"You're still thinking."
"Of course I am!"
"Well stop. Just feel."
"Feel! Feel what?" What did she want from him? Some hippy dippy love in where you explored your feelings? How did you feel when you didn't want to? When you wouldn't allow yourself to?
"Everything. Feel the water all around you, feel the way it moves, feel the wetness, feel the coolness, feel the air move over your skin. Feel the way your body moves in the water, feel me right here with you. Just close your eyes, take a deep breath, and feel."
She was mad. A few sandwiches short of a picnic, crazy.
"Stop over thinking it. At least try."
Maybe if he tried she'd let him go and he could hide away until she left. He did as she bid, closed his eyes and breathed deeply. With his eyes closed he found he was more aware of the way the water buffeted his body, the way he felt almost weightless. Her arms were under his, crossed over his chest and he finally allowed himself to relax back, his head resting on her shoulder.
"That's better, sweetheart." She dropped a little kiss on his forehead. "You're doing great. Can you feel the energy in the water? The way it feels almost like it's alive? A living, breathing thing around you?"
He nodded. He'd always felt that way about the ocean, like it was a living creature all of its own, with its own moods and personality. He'd tried to explain it to his WASP roommate but James had looked at him like he was insane and he'd never given a voice to those thoughts again.
"That's what it's like for me all the time. I feel nature, I feel the earth, I feel the air, I feel the water like its a friend that's there to help."
He understood that, he always felt at home in the water, more so than he did on land. It felt natural, calming and peaceful. The water was where he went when he didn't want to think, when he didn't want to deal with the things that others couldn't ever imagine experiencing but that had become every day reality for them.
"I know it's hard, but I need you to trust me for a little longer, precious. I need you to let the pain out. All that emotion you're trying so hard to lock away, all those memories you don't want to look at. I need you to let them out."
He stiffened, his brain screaming a refusal. He didn't want to open that mental box, he didn't want to give freedom to the images that haunted his dreams whenever he closed his eyes. He didn't want to feel.
"Trust me, please."
It was the please that did it, that allowed him to crack open the lock that held everything tightly in check…
The wave of emotions crashed over him, stealing his breath with its intensity. He felt tears leaking from his eyes and wanted to turn away, to hide his face in shame. He was supposed to be strong, he was supposed to be the one that others relied on, not a weak mess. What use would he be to anyone if he wasn't strong? How could he rescue people when he needed rescuing himself? He had to stay separated, stay cut off from the thoughts that bombarded him day and night. He was better off alone.
He tried to squirm away but her arms held him tightly, not letting him go and he could feel her heart beating steadily against his back, her cheek pressed against his. She was real, solid and she was there. And somehow he knew, with a sure certainty, that she wouldn't let him go, she wouldn't let him down. She'd be there.
"Focus, baby, focus on that pain. See it in your mind, see it as a red mist, a nasty darkness that you don't need. See it, and take control. You're the one in charge, you control it, don't let it control you. I want you to gather it up and push it out. You don't need it. Push it out and let the water take it."
He tried, he really did. He could see it just as she described, a pulsing mass of red in the center of his chest. A dark, gelatinous blob around his heart that squeezed with each beat, threatening to stop it all together.
She felt his heart speed up, saw his chest rising and falling rapidly as he struggled to draw more air into his lungs. She rubbed her cheek against his, letting him know she was there.
"Feel the water, let it flow over you, let it take the pain and wash it away. Give it up, you don't need it."
He could feel the water lapping at his suit, calling to him. He could feel it like an addiction in his blood, luring him in as it so often did. The same urge he had to dive under its surface and enter the peaceful realm that was his alone.
"You got it? You feel that?"
He couldn't put it into words, but he knew exactly what she meant.
"Deep breath, sweetness."
She didn't wait to see if he did as she bid, she inhaled deeply and lifted her legs, dropping them both under the water. She hugged him tightly, feeling his body shudder against hers.
He heard her command and automatically obeyed, his swimmers lungs filling to capacity. The water flowed over then both, closing over their heads, cutting them off from the rest of the world.
The peace was there instantly, calling to him as it always did, but this time he understood what it was saying. He felt something shift inside him, like a switch being flipped. The pain was still there, the memories were still there, he doubted they would ever go away, but he gave his permission to release them. He let go of the guilt, thinking clearly for the first time since he'd seen the crushed remains of the submarine.
She'd been right, the salvagers had taken their lives into their own hands, it had been their decision, their choice, no one else's. He couldn't have done anything differently, none of them could. They had done everything right, but the weight of failure had been too heavy to allow him to believe it.
Just as his crash had been his fault, his choice to go that fast, his choice to push his limits, his understanding that he was risking his own safety for the thrill of the ride, so had this been their choice.
Did he wish he could have helped them? Of course he did. But the quake would have still crushed them even if he'd managed to get them separated from the rest of the hull. He'd never have gotten them up in time. Nature had been to blame, not him.
He let the pain soak into the water, let his element carry it away as it so often carried him, releasing something inside him that he hadn't even realised he'd been holding on to.
Her lungs burned, screaming for air and she had to give in to their demands. She planted her feet and pushed up, their heads breaking the surface of the water.
She gasped for air, sucking in a deep breath as he did the same. She let him turn in her arms, let him slide his own around her waist as he clung to her. She hugged him tightly, rubbed his back as he sobbed silently against her neck. She stroked the wet hair back from his face and crooned soft nonsense words in his ear, letting him cry it all out.
He cried for all those they couldn't help, all those he knew would never see another day. He cried for the bodies they had left back at the hospital, which could now be returned to their families, a closure of sorts. He cried for his brothers and the pain he knew they felt too, and he cried with relief, because now he knew that he wasn't broken. He was strong. They all were.
As the tears wound down he mentally pulled himself together, building himself up stronger than before. His beloved ocean sang to him, calm and reassuring in its presence. He took a deep breath of the salty air and dropped his arms, releasing the witch.
"Better?" She kept her hand on his shoulder, keeping the connection.
"Yeah," his voice was shaky, but strong. "Thank you."
"Any time, sweetness."
"I'm sorry I was rude to you."
She snorted out a laugh. "Sweetheart, you are nothing compared to your brother when he's at his grumpiest."
She turned and splashed her way back to the bank, hauling herself out to sit in the sand. It took him a few minutes to feel ready, but he did join her.
They sat quietly for a while, just watching the ocean beyond the little lagoon as it lapped calmly against the beach. The sun seemed to sink down into it, painting the water in oranges and reds, betraying the lateness of the day.
"You hungry yet?"
She startled him out of his thoughts and he almost said no automatically, knowing what food would likely be available.
"I guess, a little. I could eat."
She reached for the box and handed it to him. Cautiously he opened the lid, his eyes widening in wonder.
"Grilled cheese? That's my favourite."
She smiled, nudging him with her shoulder. "I know."
It was a very damp, sandy and bedraggled duo that made their way back to the house a short while later. There were a few raised eyebrows but no one said a word as Selene excused herself to go shower and change.
It had been a long and emotional day and she was more grateful than she could put into words to find her spaceman stretched out on his bed, waiting for her when she emerged from the shower.
She stole one of his t-shirts from his closet, even though she had some of her own hanging beside them, pulled it on and laid down beside him.
He pulled her into his arms when she rolled closer, letting her settle her head on his chest.
"You're late, Star Boy."
"Only by an hour. That's nothing."
"So you say."
He smiled to himself, as usual finding her grumblings to be highly amusing.
"Thank you for taking care of everyone."
She waved his thanks aside as she always did. "It's what you do for family, it's nothing special."
And that was what he loved about her. She genuinely didn't see that she had done anything out of the ordinary, she didn't care that she'd taken on the entire clan without even blinking. She simply took care of them as she did him and did it with her usual unflappable good humour.
"How long have we got before they come after us?" she muttered, snuggling closer.
"At a guess, about three minutes."
She sighed, lifting her head for the kiss he willingly offered.
"Better go and get it over with."
He smiled, knowing she didn't really mind. He allowed her to drag him upright but kept hold of her hand as they went to rejoin the family.