From sirensbane: Lestrade finds himself explaining Holmes's conclusions to someone else (preferably before Holmes has a chance)
A/N: This was based on a story I found in Jeremy Clay's book, 'The Burglar Caught by A Skeleton and Other Singular Tales from the Victorian Press'. The incident in question, however, happened at a medical practice in Greensburg, Pennsylvania, on February 26th, 1874.
Disclaimer: I only own the idiot thief and Fred the Skeleton 😊
…
"Holmes, may I ask how the deuce this happened?" Dr. Watson asked, gesturing to the writhing burglar on the floor. Poor fellow, wretch though he is, looked as though he would suffer a cardiac shock at having his teeth trapped in the jaw of a skeleton.
Before Holmes could answer, I replied, "Well, Doctor, from what Hopkins, Holmes and I found, those burglars had been watching your office for at least three weeks, observing your comings and goings. What's more, when I went in to see you about that migraine, Doctor, I noted that this lad here," he scuffed his foot in the direction of the young thief, still paralyzed with fear, "was in apparently getting treated for a dog bite to the thumb… but he had no bite marks or bleeding to speak of."
He eyed the skeleton, still sprawled over the trembling perpetrator, "If it hadn't been for your bony buddy here, Watson, these lads would have stolen your drugs and all your tools they could carry."
"Good heavens!" Watson exclaimed. I couldn't tell if he was more surprised at his practice being targeted for theft or that I had beaten Holmes to revealing the conclusions. "I must say, Inspector, this is all rather… peculiar, isn't it?"
"I'll say. What's with the skeleton, anyway?"
"Oh, Fred? He keeps me company when I'm working on patient reports and notes and all the boring paperwork." He replied. "I don't know who he was… so I christened him Fred. But I must say, my dear inspector, I never expected Fred to come in handy in defending my medical practice!
"Oh, yes, hurray for Fred." Holmes commented sarcastically in the corner- most likely sulking over how I had beaten him to the grand reveal, "Whatever will we do without him?"
"Yes, Holmes, what would I do without him?" Watson mused in reply.
"Perhaps Fred could be fitted out for his own police uniform!" I joked, and Watson laughed.
"Ha-ha! Good one Lestrade!" Watson chortled, clearly in good humour despite being disturbed at having his medical practice broken into and nearly robbed clean of its contents.
"Hooray Fred Bones, Honorary Inspector of Scotland Yard!" I added with a chortle. "Wait, does he have a surname?"
"Not really, but I think Fred Bones has a nice ring to it, even if it's a tad unimaginative." Watson replied with a shrug.
"I agree." Holmes said, startling us both. "Though Watson, I do question whether I should have you sent to Bedlam."
"No thank you- I'm not having anyone else invading my medical practice!" Watson replied determinedly.
"Why be worried? We have Fred on our side now!" I added, and the three of us laughed again, before Watson and Holmes worked together to free the thief from Fred's clutches; whereupon I slapped a pair of iron bracelets on him.