My dear little broccolis💚💚💚

💚 So, I know you have been waiting for this update for a long time. And I know some of you got impatient because I update other stories. The thing is, this chapter is from a particular POV, and I just wanted to take my time to make sure I would not offend anyone in the way I depicted this character. It is never my intention to offend someone when I write, especially when I write a certain type of character which can represent someone's beliefs or ideology, and if that means I am going to get hate for taking my time, well, I will gladly take the hate. As long as no one is offended at the end, it's all that matters to me.‼️

💚Also, as this chapter once again touch the very sensitive topic of religion, I am putting another warning. DON'T YOU DARE ATTACK SOMEONE'S BELIEF IN THE COMMENT SECTION! Any negative and aggressive comment concerning someone's religion or views will be automatically removed. I don't care if it's about the story, or the characters, just don't attack people and their religion! I am really serious about that!

💚That being said, I am not above typos, so don't mind those, haha

Love, Mina💚💚💚

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Chapter 13: No Bravery (3,2K) - James Blunt

Don't forget to check the songs 😉

Father Crowley's PoV

As the bell struck ten, Father Crowley closed the front door of the Church before making sure that all the bibles were at their places on the benches. Then, he went to extinguish the burning candles, his mind still preoccupied on whether he should change his sermon for the next day, or not. He had one ready since the preceding Sunday, but the shootout that had happened just a couple of blocks away that very same day made him reconsider.

He decided to go to his office and work and that new sermon, so he could inspire love and hope and stop his parishioners from being quick to judge and close themselves off to the ones in need. But once in his office, he found someone he did not expect to ever see in his church.

Jace Wayland-Morgenstern was sitting in his chair, apparently waiting for him, his face dark and cold and his eyes circled by heavy bags that showed that the man hadn't slept for days. And though he was surprised to see Jace coming to him, the religious man was not surprised that Jace seemed to have been so affected by his recent grief.

No matter his feelings for the mobster and his ways of life, the priest knew that no person in the world deserved to lose their child, even less when they didn't even get to hold the child at least once in their arms. Moreover, Clary had often told the holly man that fatherhood had been Jace's dream. The only thing he had ever really wanted.

The two men looked at each other, assessing one another, and the priest consciously closed the door, ready to give his whole attention to this man in need, despite the fact that he knew that the criminal did not share his religious beliefs. He was a soul in need, and no matter how tainted the soul was, it was his duty to help him feel better.

"It's not what you think," Jace said as the priest sat in front of him, and Father Crowley rose an eyebrow, not sure why would Jace have come if it wasn't because he had lost all hopes and God was now the only person he could turn to.

He watched the young man get up and start pacing, not saying a word as his brows were strongly knotted and his hands were behind his back. For ten good minutes, this silence imposed by Jace remained and the good priest did nothing but look at the man, waiting for him to open up on his own.

And finally, the blond man stopped pacing, looking at the priest in his eyes, and said, "I came because you are most likely the only person who will be the most honest with me. Despite how you feel about me, I trust that … your profession will make you say things how they are, unbiased, without any sugarcoating or animosity."

Father Crowley did not say a word, surprised by Jace's words, and he watched the young man sit back in the chair of his office and rest his elbows on his knees. It seemed that, whatever Jace Wayland had on his mind, it was not easy for him to talk about it. But the priest could understand. Jace was not a believer, so it was probably very hard for him to seek solace with a man of Faith.

"I know you can't talk about what is said in this … establishment. But, as a person, not as a priest, do you think that my wife fears me?"

"Well, I have to say, I was not expecting that," Was all the priest had to say.

He never expected Jace to actually value anything he had to say, or even respect him enough to see his words as truth and not him trying to preach. And he didn't blame the man. He knew not everyone was a believer, and from what Clary had told him over the years, even though he did not agree with Jace's views on life, or ways of life, he could understand that the man only relied on himself and no one else.

And yet, in his hour of need, at the moment he doubted himself as a man more than he ever did, he still came to see God's spokesman. Sure, it wasn't because of his relationship with God, but more because of Father Crowley's relationship with Clary, but still, the holly man knew that Jace thought nothing of him, he wouldn't have come in the first place.

He watched the blond man expectantly looking at him, not sure of how he would be able to appease this soul who clearly did not want to be preached when one of Clary's many statements about Jace came into tuition. He was not a patient man.

"Answer the fucking question, damn it!" Jace burst, snapping his head to the priest and glaring at him.

"This is the house of God, Jace. You would do well to remember, no matter your feelings on the matter," Father Crowley patiently said, though his tone still echoes with a warning. "Now, what would make you think that Clary of all people could ever be scared of you?"

Jace looked down, seemingly wearing the weight of the world on his shoulders. The good priest let the mobster come out on his own, observing every little detail about him, all the while racking his brains for all the time Clary had mentioned Jace to him in confessional.

Never in all the years Clary had known Jace, she expressed feeling fear in his presence. Even when Jace had been nothing more than one of her father's man, she was never scared around him, just like she was never scared around her father. Of course, she knew that both of those men inspired fear in the world, but she never really experienced why first hand, and if Father Crowley had to give one thing to Valentine and his disciple, was the fact that both men deeply loved Clary and would do anything to keep her safe.

So it was a strange concept that Jace felt that Clary feared him when he was probably the person she felt safest around, beside her father. But then again, Father Crowley hadn't seen Clary since the hospital, and people could change a lot because of grief.

When Jace finally talked, he didn't look up, staring a blank space on the floor as he went on, "Today, for the first time in our relationship, I have seen fear in my wife's eyes as she looked at me.

You and I know very well what kind of man I am, but no matter how angry I might I have been in the past, no matter how much I might have raised my voice, Clary has never shown fear. And … I always thought that it was because she knew that I could never hurt her…"

His voice broke a little, and for a little while, it seemed that he was lost in his thoughts, or maybe he was seeing all over again the look of fright that Clary gave him, which made Father Crowley curious. What could Jace have done to waver Clary's blind faith in him? Clary has always defended Jace, claiming that he had a sweet side that no one but her saw, and yet, she had shown enough fear for the mobster to come to a priest.

When Jace spoke again, the man of God was sure that the blond man was more talking to himself than to the priest, but he still listened, trying to see through the maze of his brain,

"I'm not so sure, anymore … I mean … I could never hurt her, but maybe she doubts that. Maybe that's why she never said anything about her first miscarriage. Because she was scared of me and how I'd react. But I would have been there for her, no matter our relationship at the time. I should have been there for her."

"Well, Clary really does know you better than anyone else," The priest scoffed, not ready to hear the younger man wail in self-pity. The mobster snapped his head up to glare at the holly man who explains this point-of-view,

"I don't think Clary has ever been scared of you, Jace. She's actually the one always preaching me how good and sweet of a man you can be."

"I saw the fear in her eyes!"

"And maybe you misinterpreted it. Maybe Clary feared that your desire for fatherhood was stronger than your love for her, and you did nothing to prove her wrong. Where were you the past couple of days?"

Jace remained silent, though Father Crowley wasn't sure if it was because he was pondering on this possibility, or if it was because he didn't want to tell him what happened of what happened since the miscarriage. He had noticed back at the hospital the distance between the couple, even though Clary always swore that Jace was a very tactile man when he was with her, and he feared that, in order to protect Clary from his own feelings, Jace had retrieved and not said a word to his wife since the terrible news dropped. It was something he often saw in couples, especially younger couples. Miscommunication could easily lead to the downfall of a relationship.

He waited for five minutes for Jace to speak on his own, but when it became transparent that the mobster had no intentions on opening up further, but was still expecting a miracle from the pries, the good Father called him out on it,

"You can't come in here, asking me to help you see clearer in your relationship, and yet refusing to talk to me. Don't see me as a priest. Unlike Clary, I am not delusional enough to think that you will ever choose the path of God. But no matter how you feel about me and this House, I am here to ease your pain away. No matter how you feel about God, you are one of his children, and I am here to listen and help you find a way, whether that way leads to Him or not, it is only up to you."

Jace looked at him, his shoulders still holding the weight of the world, before he finally let out, though it seemed to require great efforts from him, "I was back in our apartment."

"You haven't been back in the mansion over the past two days?" The priest mused, realising that things were much worse than he thought. Maybe he would have ought to pay a visit to Clary. Given her heart of gold, she had probably been crying her heart out, feeling that her whole world was crashing down.

Jace glared at him, clearly not liking the accusatory and judging tone that the priest had used, not that Father Crowley cared,

"I did. And there she was, confusing all those things she never told me to that bastard. Not to her father, not to her best friend, but to that fucking moron who just got back from India!"

"Language! Don't forget that you are in the House of God!"

"You said not to see you as a priest!"

"And yet, you are still in God's House. I am sure that you respect your wife enough to respect this holly place to her, no matter your feelings about it."

Jace rolled his eyes, but Father Crowley could tell that he would not hear the man cuss again in his church. After all, men like Jace and Valentine were men of pride, and the priest was sure that Jace prided himself to show all kind of respect to Clary.

He deeply breathed through his nose, looking at this man who was lost and broken, though he would never admit it, and for a moment, the good priest pondered on his powerful love could be. It always amazed him when he would witness those kinds of situations.

Jace Wayland had tainted the newspapers for quite some years, and not always for the bests of reasons. Though nothing was ever proven and all were speculations, he had been linked to countless murders, had tortured dozens of people, and even ruined lives just for the sake of a statement. And yet, the man who seemed to be made of steeled been broken by the simple fact that the woman he loved felt more comfortable sharing her insecurities with another man.

He could see Jace's point-of-view, and in his heart of heart, he felt that Clary should have talked to Jace about those insecurities, him being her husband and the best person to reassure her. But it still amazed him that a man so cold could be broken by the simplicity of love.

"Jace … I do understand that this is a difficult time for the two of you, and I will never try to pretend that I know what either of you is going through. But your wedding vows were clear, in sickness and in health."

"I know," Jace said, hanging his head low. The priest waited, sure that the mobster would add something else, and it did not fail, "But I can't do a thing for her."

"You can be with her. Despite her wealth and her upbringing, Clary has a gentle soul. All she needs is your presence by her side. And right now, you're not helping. Why did you desert her?"

Jace grimaced, clearly not happy with the Father's choice of words, not that the man cared. He was certainly not going to sugarcoat Jace Wayland of all people.

"I … didn't want to go back to her with blood on my hands. Not this time."

"Whose blood?"

"The as … the guy who bumped into Clary and made her fall."

"You killed him?! But the fall was not the reason for Clary's miscarriage!"

Jace rose an eyebrow at the priest as if he was questioning the good man's intelligence. After all, they both knew who he was, and what he did to people who went against him, and Father Crowley had no doubts that Jace cared very little if the man was the reason behind the loss of his child, he had still been in the way, and apparently that was reason enough for him.

"And did killing that man bring you peace? Or maybe it brought you your child back?"

"It's a matter of principle. And I'm not here to talk about this insignificant matter."

"Right. So, tell me, why are you here, talking to me, instead of being with Clary?" Father Crowley asked, doing his best to not preach that ending a man's life was indeed a significant matter. He knew that Jace would not listen to him, and if he could make an impact in that man's life, he knew it would be via Clary, so Jace would need to go back to his wife.

"I have to go away for a week, and the last image I have of my wife is her being scared out of her skin by my words and my very presence. I want you to tell me how to fix it!"

"I can't do anything, and you know it. You know that the only person who can do something is yourself, Jace. So now, be honest with me and yourself, why are you here?"

Jace pondered for a moment, before promptly getting up as he said, "It was a mistake."

Father Crowley got up as fast as the mobster, blocking his passage to leave the office. He knew very well that he had no chance if Jace chose to use force, but he still believed that no matter Jace's feelings towards the Church, he would still respect the institution itself and would have the decency to not kill him in the house of God. If not for priority, for Clary's sake.

"You know it wasn't. You know you've done something wrong by deserting your wife in the time she needed you the most. And instead of seeing absolution with her, you came to me. Well, let me tell you, even if you were a believer, neither God nor I could absolve you. It is Clary that you hurt, and only her can make you feel better."

"You got this all wrong, Padre. I didn't come for absolution. I know my wrongs, and I've never been afraid to own up to them. I came here because my wife is scared of me. I came here because I want to know for how long she has been scared of me. If she's scared, she can't trust me. If she had trusted me all those years ago, we wouldn't be in this situation right now."

"You seem to forget who your wife is. She didn't keep her miscarriage because she doesn't trust you. If you must know, Clary has had blind faith in you since before you even started this whole affair together.

She kept her hurt for herself because she was sure you would do what you're doing, fringing a way to blame yourself instead of accepting that sometimes, things happen that are out of our control. It is not her fault, it is not your fault, and it is certainly not God's fault. Life happens, and as I told Clary back at the hospital, God knows who is strong enough to endure life's harshest lessons.

Clary loves you with all her heart, but she's had a very poor example of what love is in her childhood. Her father adores her, probably as much as he loved his wife, and he was always there for her. And now, when life struck her with its cruellest twist, the man she had expected to be by her side deserted her bed and her house, because of his ego.

You might hide behind the morals of trust, but in the end, it has been two days since you saw your wife. We both know that you've already shared her bed after killing a man, we both know that you would never hurt her. We both know that she will forgive your behaviour in the blink of an eye.

You were just a coward, Jace. This moment where a wife and husband are supposed to bear their souls to one another, to show their emotions as raw as they can get, you chose your cowardly way out and hid under the pretence of 'you scaring your wife'.

Man up, and be the husband Clary believes you are."

As he finished his tirade, Father Crowley opened the office's door, subtly dismissing the mobster. For a second, he feared for his life, as Jace looked at him from head to toe, with such a cold look that the hair of his neck rose up. It wasn't lost on him that he had just accused a notorious criminal of being a coward.

But then, Jace surprised him, straitening his coat and saying with a polite and even tone, "Thank you. As I said, I came for an unbiased opinion."

And on those words, he left. The good priest watched the young man walk away, surprised that he took so well hearing those words, and though it was far from his usual counselling, he was quite proud of having touched that particular soul, even if he had to do it in unconventional ways.

.~°~. .~°~. .~°~.

💚Your thoughts and opinions are always welcomed💚

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💚 So ... I know this chapter took a while, but as I said, given the PoV, I just didn't want to put something just for the sake of it. Don't hate me too much, and maybe I'll pop another one by Christmas or the end of the year.

💚 Now that we have a better understanding of Jace, what do you think of him? And to make it clear, Jace went to the priest for an objective PoV. Both Valentine, Magnus and Kaeilie would have been biased, and he just wanted who would be as neutral as possible, but with still of a backstory.

💚And, what did you think of Father Crowley and his words to Jace, as well as his thoughts about Clary?

💚 And don't forget to check out my books on Amazon and to leave me your thoughts there and on Goodreads... ^^

💚And what's was your favourite part? I'm always curious about that. Mine was that last part, the priest is being a savage, haha.

💚 What do you think will happen next?

‼️FOR GUEST REVIEWERS‼️

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Sorry again for the very long wait, here is my update, and next one I will definitely answer. It is just very late, and I have to wake up early tomorrow.

💚 Cassandra Clare owns the names of the characters from the Mortal Instruments franchise, everything else is mine.

Love, Mina💚💚💚