Frost coated every window, and inside the castle of Arendelle a chill lingered, bone deep, haunting everyone within.
Anna's steps echoed through empty corridors as she made her way to the infirmary, Kristoff in tow. Conversations were silenced and eyes turned, worried and pitying gazes coated her. She stared straight ahead, fearing any eye contact might break her resolve.
Anna heard the roar of a fire burning beyond the door, yet when she opened it, she was met with biting chill. Nurses and aides bustled around her, whispering amongst themselves, placing more blankets on Elsa's still, frail form, dosing medicine, flurrying through the pages of medical books in search of answers.
"Sylvi," Anna's voice stilled the activity around her, but only momentarily; most went back to their work, the only exception being the woman whom Anna knew from years of cuts, sickness, and broken bones, who squinted up from the book she was lost in. "How is she?"
"Alive." Sylvi's voice was ragged, accented by sleeplessness. "I'm afraid I don't know anything more."
Fear threatened to close Anna's throat, but she swallowed it back. Kristoff placed a sure hand on her shoulder. Blinking back tears, she asked, "What, uh, what do you mean?"
The doctor closed the book and stood up, pulling her shawl more tightly around her shoulders. Anna followed her to Elsa's bedside, trying hard not to look at the ghostly skin, that lifeless face.
"This is sickness I've not seen since..." Sylvi's eyes flickered to the strand of white hair which accentuated Anna's head before looking back at Elsa, "Well, only once before. There was nothing I could do then, either."
"Wait, are you saying she's dying?" Anna felt the dread rising once again.
"I can't say that, no." Sylvi adjusted the blankets over Elsa, who shivered almost imperceptibly beneath them. "Her wounds are healing, but her body is failing. She's freezing from the inside out. There was a moment when she was feverish, fighting whatever this is, but she just isn't strong enough. She can't keep going in this condition, our medicine cannot cure her."
"So what, then?" Anna was sure she knew the answer already.
"A magic, deep in the mountains. It may be strong enough to stop this."
"How do I find it?" Tears streamed silently down Anna's cheeks.
Kristoff looked at the doctor, then grasped Anna's hand. "I know where it is. I've been there; I can take you."
Nothing made sense, nothing seemed like real hope, but Anna nodded anyway.
"Okay. We'll find it." She looked at Kristoff and Sylvi, sniffing and wiping her face. "Can I have a minute with her?"
Sylvi nodded and called the attendants out of the room. Kristoff hesitated, but Anna nodded at him to follow them. He kissed her forehead gently and closed the door behind him.
When she was alone with her sister, the tears finally came. Deep sobs that poured out from the years of pain and loneliness. It all rushed through her and out; guilt, anger, sorrow, shame. "I'm so sorry, Elsa." She grasped the cold, lifeless hand in hers and held it against her chest. "Come back to me." She kissed her hand and tears ran over the frost covered fingers. "Wake up."
Elsa's hand seemed warmer, and Anna looked down and saw color coming back, creeping up her scarred arm. Anna reached up and ran her other hand down her sister's cheek.
Steam trailed behind where she had touched her. Elsa's hand tightened in Anna's for a brief moment, but her eyes remained shut.
Anna kissed her gently on the forehead and she softly hummed a lullaby their mother used to sing over them when they were little, before Elsa ever shut her out. She whispered the last lines with a wavering voice. "Come my darling, homeward bound. Where all is lost, then all is found."
After another brief moment of watching her sister, waiting and hoping she might wake up, Anna walked to the door, wiping the tears from her face. She gripped the door handle and looked back one last time. "I'll find a way to bring you back; I swear."
Hans paced the harbor docks, his mind reeling from the past few weeks.
I didn't get a choice.
How could he have a say? He was the youngest. No authority, no voice. His only chance of being a man in the eyes of his brothers was before him and he was handling it like a coward.
This is my chance. The queen is sick and the kingdom vulnerable. I'll never be given an opportunity like this again.
His directive had been simple. Find a way in. Arendelle lost the king and queen, the woman taking over was young, and the kingdom didn't know enough about her to trust her. "Let them see the strength of the Southern Isles."
Trading partners was easy. Breaking Elsa's walls was harder. Killing her was too obvious, marrying her would be a nearly impossible challenge. Hans wasn't expecting emotion to get involved.
She's probably dying anyway, right?
This was his opportunity to get something right in the eyes of his father. A father who blamed him for the death of his mother. A father he hated. A father he feared. Elsa had been the one hope Hans had of being a man apart from who his father told him he must be. Elsa was also laying on her deathbed, coated in scars that Hans knew all too well. She was weak. "And we destroy weakness."
His gloved hands fiddled with a letter. Was it betrayal or loyalty which led him to this point? Ultimately, it was fear. Fear that he would never be enough. Today, he would prove that fear wrong.
The boat before him bore the mark of his land. Sailors let down the gangway and Hans clenched his jaw as he watched his brother step off the ship.
"If it isn't my least favorite ass," Agnar towered over Hans, arms crossed. "Tell me you haven't wasted my time."
Hans' face was steel, his eyes fixed on his brother's. "Here." He handed the letter over. "It details the number of guards, the weakest points of the castle, easiest access, and the strength of their warriors."
Agnar opened it and looked over it for a moment. "Well, little brother, perhaps you won't prove a complete disappointment to your family after all."
Hans looked away, shoving the lingering guilt down. "How far out is our fleet?"
"A few days. I can have them here, ready for action within the week."
Hans breathed in the crisp air and looked back at his brother. "I lead. This is my battle."
Agnar scoffed. "Sure, sure. You can have it. And when inevitably you fail, my victory will seem that much greater."
"I won't." Hans faced his brother with defiance, staring him down until a sailor called down to Agnar from the ship.
"Well, I look forward to it. Either way, I'll win. After all, I'm sure these northern women will be easy taking."
Hans clenched his fists, but he let his brother walk away. There would be a day soon when he would be able to stand against his brother, but right now, his destiny and his kingdom rested on his brother and the army which waited beyond the fjord.
First off, I gotta say I'm impressed by how much love this story has gotten. Dusting it off again and again over the past 6 years, I'm amazed how many people I've gotten to impact with this simple fanfic.
I do want to let you guys know, this story is more than I initially made it out to be. I said in the beginning it was about a girl I knew. Maybe most of you got the impression already, but that girl was me. I struggled with SI for years, and during the time I started writing this, I was about 6 months clean. I connected so much with Elsa's character and her pain. I dealt with a crippling amount of isolation and loneliness growing up, and her story really helped me through a lot. It helped me embrace my identity apart from the crazy standard my family expected me to live up to. "Conceal, don't feel" was pretty much my mantra in a family that wanted to maintain a mask of everything being perfect. I guess my point is, when I started writing this, I was in a really dark place. Wasn't sure things would ever really get better. If that's you, please know that you aren't going to be stuck there forever. You'll find your out- whether it's college, therapy, moving out. High school feels like a lifetime ago and the person I was who had so much self-hatred and loneliness wouldn't recognize me today. Don't let your bad family, or mental illness, or what someone did to you destroy the rest of your life. They destroyed enough already, they don't get to have a say in the rest of it. The most powerful thing you get to do is take control over what happens next. Don't let anyone steal that from you.
And if you need a stranger who gets what you're going through, my inbox is open.
Anyway, not gonna make any promises on when the next update will be, but there will be one.
P.S. If you haven't seen Frozen II yet, it's so freaking good. Like, words can't even express how much I love it. It's perfect. And somehow 6 years later, I'm still impacted, and I relate as much to Elsa's story now as I did then. It's so good. Watch it. Rewatch it. And then go and watch it again.