Happy new year, people! Minh here, still not dead yet! Bringing you the next chapter of a story long overdue!
I have no excuse other than the fact that I'm lazy, I'm flaky, and I am lazily flakyyyy~
And life. Life happens.
But eh, who has a life on Fanfiction?!
Without further adieu, please enjoy my interpretation of Yuigahama! It isn't the most accurate portrayal (in fact, I think it is the opposite. I think I made her too OP. Send help plzzzz) but at least it makes for an interesting story!
As expected of someone who spent most their high school life livin' in a Schemer's paradise, Yui Yuigahama is indeed crafty.
There have been many rumors surrounding Hikigaya, even before the recent incident with Yumiko.
Back then, people have speculated a lot on why he missed the first month of school.
The rumors ranging from mundane to outlandish, with the most ridiculous one had him going on a mission in China as a trained-from-birth assassin or serving justice as the Dark Knight of Chiba.
The reason why he didn't, or, more precisely, couldn't get to school on that day is far more mundane, yet also far more…impactful, at least to me.
But enough about that.
Simply put, almost everyone in Sobu high school knows who Yumiko is. The Fire Queen to Hayama's Prince Charming, these two are the kings and queens of the high school social ladder. Fiery, aggressive and is really…protective of her friends, no girl dares to get close to Hayama when Yumiko is nearby.
…She didn't let any strange boy get close to me or Hina, either.
Yet, even Yumiko Miura, the embodiment of blazing wild fire itself, got burned.
Not by the likes of Yukinoshita, whose frostbitten remarks and freezing demeanor is more than enough a match for Yumiko.
But by Hikigaya, the nobody loner.
He came to my defense when I was at my lowest, and unfortunately drew the irks of Yumiko.
…Or is it the other way around?
I didn't know, and still don't to this day.
It started out peacefully enough, but with Miura being herself…somewhere in the middle of their back-and-forth, Hikigaya just…snapped.
No, snapped isn't the right word.
I still remembered how in that moment he looked more comfortable, more…in control than he had any right to be for someone in that situation.
How the apathetic and calculating gaze in his eyes back then remind me less of a predator looking at its prey and more of a human looking at a tool: poking, prodding, analyzing.
Using.
He was using her to make a point, and a point he had made, much to Yumiko and Hayama dismay.
…And mine, If I was to be honest with myself for once.
For his role and his…implied ties with both Hayama and Yukinoshita in the incident, Hikigaya had gained a few new nicknames, the least offensive of them being "Sleeping dog".
Let sleeping dogs lie, they said. Kind of corny, but surprisingly fitting, consider how much he sleeps during classes and recess.
…Hikigaya routine 101: sleep, listen to music, or fall asleep listening to music.
"…Is there something wrong, Yuigahama-san?" Yukinoshita asked, her tone…unnerved. Did I giggle out loud?
'E-ehhehe, I just found it kind of funny how Hikigaya is acting, like, so different to how he usually acts and stuff!" Technically not a lie.
"Of course." Yukinoshita mumbled softly, her haughty voice betrayed her lack of facial expression. "Seeing how Hiratsuka-sensei sent him here in the first place because of his bad manners and rotten personality, I hold no doubt in my mind that his behaviors could only get worse when there is no one willing to make him...reconsiders his life choices, to put it lightly."
"Uhm…not really? Like, he is much more antisocial in class! Like a hikikomori!"
"Oh. So that is where the 'Hikki" nickname came from?"
"Eh?…A-ah, of course, I definitely didn't choose it randomly or anything, haha!"
"…Your weird sense of nicknaming aside, Yuigahama-san, I am finding it quite hard to believe that trash-spewing chatterbox right there is even capable of closing its mouth more than five seconds, much less being anti-social." Yukinoshita raised her eyebrows and looked at me weirdly. "You sure you aren't just making this up to pass the time?"
"No, I swear! He is like…so talkative here!"
"For better or worse." Yukinoshita sighed and massaged her temple. "…Who am I kidding? For worse, of course."
"I know, right?! Like, this is completely different from his weird mysterious loner vibe in class, you know?!"
"Weird mysterious loner? I didn't know cockroaches are capable of being mysterious, Yuigahama-san. How intriguing."
"Pssh."
"…You were saying?"
"N-no, not really. It is just…you really don't like Hikki at all, huh!" Please say yes.
"Naturally. How could someone even like that…thing?" Ouch, but…yes.
"H-hehe, I know, right?!" Yes!
I couldn't help but giggle aloud.
"…Was what I said really that funny, Yuigahama-san?"
'E-ehhehe, N-nothing. I just remember how Hikki used to do all these little dances when he listened to music, that's all."
"He does?" Yukinoshita eyed me warily before turning back to Hikigaya, who is still fruitlessly trying to cheer up the half-crying, half-wailing rolling land whale that called itself Zaimokuza.
It was such a pitiful sight that both me and Yukinoshita winced involuntary.
"Yeah, like this head-bobbing finger-wagging thingy-" I straighten my forefingers and wag it left-to-right to the rhythm of my head bob "-And when he thinks nobody is looking, he does this funny little dance-thingy-" I tried to imitate him, and as the grimace on Yukinoshita's face indicated, I clearly failed.
"…H-haha, I'm bad at this, isn't it?"
"No, Yuigahama-san, there is nothing wrong with your…acting." Yukinoshita narrowed eyes soften as she addresses me before turning sharp once again. "I just utterly, absolutely refuse to believe that man-sized germ-ridden insect over there-" She snapped her thumb back to Hikigaya, who immediately retorted back with a middle finger without even looking up or showing any signs that he was even listening to us. "-is capable of doing something that…that…" Yukinoshita stutters as she fumbles on her words, her cheeks a deep shade of crimson.
"…Cute."
"Yes, that's the right wo-No, I mean-" Cute!
"Y-Yuigahama-san?!" Yukinoshita gasped as I glomped her, her arms hanging limply to the side as if she was mentally deciding whether to hug me back or not.
"Yukinon is so cute~" Indeed. Her white porcelain skin, her blue sapphire eyes, her soft, huggable body…Yukinoshita Yukino is definitely cute.
Too bad she is flat, but that only increase her cuteness!
"P-please stop, Yuigahama-san." Yukinoshita turned away as she softly muttered her words out between gasps. "This is…uhm…"
"…You don't like it?" Special attack: puppy eyes!
"I-uhm, I…don't dislike it?" Jackpot!
"So you like it!" I tighten my grips on her hips as she turned her neck even further away, the blush had now gone down to her neck.
"Easy on the spine, pinkie. Ya don't want to break her. Literally, I mean. Gurl got poor constitution." Hikigaya bored voice rang out. "Are you seeing this, Zaimokuza? This is why you should get out more. Why bother copying poorly-written eroge aimed for extra thirsty perverted virgins when you canhave the real deal, the real materials right in front of your eyes?!"
"Oh. O-ohhh. After all these years, my eyes…My eyes have finally been opened! T-this…This is the fabled obligatory Yuri-scene!"
"No, not yet." Hikigaya coughed and waved his hands in a suspicious manner. "…I mean, no. this is just normal female skinship, eh."
"…I fail to see how this is normal, Hikigaya-kun."
"That's simply because you aren't a normal girl, Yukinoshita." Hikigaya paused. "…Good work, by the ways." …Good work?
Ah.
"Naturally." Yukinoshita huffed indignantly. "Now, Yuigahama-san, could you please…uhm, stop hugging me?"
"No!"
"…Please?"
"Don't wanna!"
"I see. You left me no choices." Yukinoshita sighed and took a deep breath. "Hikigaya-kun, I require assistance."
"That's cheating!"
"Pretty rich coming from you, pinkie. Seizing the opportunity, attacking the weak points…You ain't no saint either." Hikigaya exhaled deeply as he walked toward us, leaving Zaimokuza alone to stood himself up on a newborn's deer shaky limbs. "Now stop acting like we are some dime-a-dozens actors in cheap ass western spaghetti movies and get your green grass ass back to your seat." He grumbled before jerking his thumb back "…Zaimokuza here has something to say."
"Hmph." Reluctantly, I loosen my grip on Yukinoshita and turned toward Hikigaya…with my puppy eyes in ready. I am not willing to give up just yet!
"…" Hikigaya had fallen into silence! This is working! As expected, loners are easy to-Huh, why is he getting closer-
"Yaow!" I yelled in pain and jumped away as Hikigaya poked my ribs mercilessly. "This is sexual harassment! Hikki is gross, extra gross, super-duper uber grossly grosssssss!"
"Eh, I have been called worse." Hikigaya sneered and seated himself between me and Yukinoshita, who had gone from looking relived to regal indifference in less than ten seconds. "Now sit down and enjoy the show. Zaimokuza?"
"Okay. I am fine, I am ready." Zaimokuza mumbled like a madman between bouts of deep breath. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, he turned toward us, with his eyes dead-set on Hikigaya. "Uhm…W-would you…uhm, would you read my work again?"
"Okay." Hikigaya replied curtly with a nod. "No pinky promise, though. I have been pretty busy lately."
Zaimokuza seemed to find these terms agreeable, as he then turned his eyes toward Yukinoshita's direction and repeated the same question, this time a little bit clearer.
"…As long as it is a require for the service club, I couldn't exactly refuse." Yukinoshita agreed in a roundabout way, her voice clearly not as harsh as she made it to be.
…This man…
"…Do you really want to do that again after everything you went through this day? Are you a complete masochist?"
"Of course-I mean, no." Zaimokuza turned sharply toward me, his brain clearly jumbled by my sudden question. "No. I am not a masochist, and…no, I really don't want to do that again." He sighed and adjusted his glasses. "That certainly were quite harsh criticisms. That certainly did make me think that I wanted to die, since I'm an unpopular and have no friends anyway…" Zaimokuza sneered sarcastically. "Or, rather, that made me want everyone else to die."
"Yet you still asked for more." Yukinoshita interjected sharply. "Why?"
"Why, indeed. Honestly? I don't know. It hurts being criticized, true, but the fact that something I wrote is read by someone else, critiqued by someone else…It still feels kind of nice. Bittersweet, but…nice." Zaimokuza stumbled through his words as he abashedly scratched his neck, which has turned a bit red from either the excessive scratching or the emotion dwelled in him. "It's not clear to me what I should call these feelings right now, but I don't hate it and…that's all there to it, I guess? I think I just like writing."
Having said that, Zaimokuza smiled.
It wasn't the boisterous, bluffing smile of the master-fencer-general-something-whatever…
But the genuine smile of a high school boy named Zaimokuza Yoshiteru.
"Heh." …By the smug, conceited look on Hikigaya's face, this is the expected outcome.
I see, and know, what I must do now.
"Sure, I'll read it too!"
-Unexpectedly, Hikigaya dumbfounded face was even more hilarious than I imagined.
And so was Zaimokuza's crying.
…Sorry.
"-You, truthful? ...Then why didn't you tell him?" Yukinoshita sneered bitterly. Why are they still arguing? No, why are they even arguing?!
It was fine a few minutes ago!
Things were fine when Hikigaya tried to babysit Zaimokuza for the third time of the day-
Things were fine when Hikigaya returned from escorting the too-mentally-depleted-to-stay-hysteric Zaimokuza out of the room-
And things were STILL fine when Yukinoshita suddenly asked us to make an after-action report-
Like, I just looked down my phone to check my LINE message for a moment, and when I looked up, they are already at other's neck!
It is easy to see from their reactions that Hikigaya has unwarily said something that offended Yukinoshita: her hatred is one-sided. His obliviousness, even more so.
I don't know what he said, but…for the usually cold-headed Yukinoshita to bare her teeth like that, it must be something important.
"Tell wut?" Even though I could feel chill in my spine just by proxy, Hikigaya, the target of the Ice Queen's death glare, looked just as flippant as always.
And that make Yukinoshita even more flustered.
"That his dream is foolish? That he should stop wasting his time and go do something more practical?" Yukinoshita squinted her eyes and huff indignantly, her voice trembled as if these words physically pained her.
Yet this wasn't what she meant.
"Foolish? Maybe. Maybe not. Who knows? Who to judge? Not my business. And neither is it yours." Hikigaya said matter-of-factly, his tone even and muted like an automaton.
Both of them, by now, have retreated into their own world, taking comfort in giving in to their usual habits, to the path of least resistance.
"…Yet you deemed yourself fit to judge my dream." Yukinoshita spat out her words like it was bitter venoms, her hands gripping the hem of her skirt so hard her knuckles turned white.
Yet this wasn't what she meant.
"I…don't? In fact, I don't even care. Wut?" For a moment there, Hikigaya sounded…uncertain. Lost. Not in control.
Yet it faded as soon as it comes, and only his usual indifference remains, like the empty vacuum of space.
"Your attitude indicates otherwise." Yukinoshita snapped back, her jaw clenched.
I…want to say something. To intervene.
But I don't know what to say, and I don't know if I have any say in this conversation.
Just like how he said, I may talk a lot, but I never truly communicate. I never tell others properly what I truly want when it matters.
Could I blame Yumiko for treating me like that when I have always taken her… aggression in stride?
"Okay." Hikigaya…
"I…nothing." Yukinoshita opened up her mouth before snapping it shut and visibly calm herself down with great effort, her lips biting inwards and her shoulder dropped limply to the sides.
I don't know what is happening, why it is happening, but my stomach feels tense, and I want to hug something.
I want to hug her. To comfort her, and comfort myself.
Yet I can't.
Why?
"…Good. we're done, right? Let's just take a rest here, get back home and cool our head down, okay? The matter with Zaimokuza is-"
"…-His dream is merely an exercise in futility." Yukinoshita cut through Hikigaya's word sharply. "At his skill level right now, no matter how hard he tried, he wouldn't be able to compete against one, much less thousands of aspiring writers, most of whom are way better than him. He wouldn't make a difference." She rushed through her words impatiently, her posture stiff, unwavering, ungiving.
Yet she has given up. No matter how hard the cold storm of winter tried, it could never fill the abyss of snow. And even if it does, it isn't like the abyss could feel cold.
Therefore, it is only logical to give up.
"Eh." Hikigaya paused, cracked his neck and then shrugged half-heartedly before leaning back on his chair yawning, a contemplating, somber look on his face. "It makes a difference for him." Hikigaya muttered and…smiled.
It wasn't a mocking sneer nor a smug smirk nor a guttural chortle that rattles the air…
But a smile.
A smile so hollow, so empty, so…apathetic…
Yet so genuine.
…If Hikigaya knew what I was thinking in my head then, he would probably snort and said things like I was being 'edgy' or 'overdramatic' or something along that dismissive train of thought.
Yet his smile made me think.
It made me think as I watched them mechanically sorted their stuffs out and go the separate ways without even a murmur of acknowledgement, much less a goodbye.
It made me think as I watched my face reflected off the puddle of melted snow in the middle of the street before a car ran through the puddle and splashed water all over the place.
It made me think as I watched the darkened sky void of any stars in the comfort of my air-conditioned room.
While I haven't stayed with them long enough to know their exact personalities, both Yukinoshita and Hikigaya…despite how their attempts to overplay their differences backfired to the point they started looking similar to each other, I got a feeling that deep down they aren't what one could call kindred-spirits.
Maybe Yukinoshita, through repeated banter, have come to mistook Hikigaya as someone who think like her. It's only natural for her to feel hurt and…betrayed when the supposedly same thought process couldn't let to the same conclusion.
Doubly so when it is coupled with Hikigaya's apathetic, out-of-sight out-of-mind attitude.
Seeing how just one wrong move is all it took for the precarious balance to come crashing down, they pretty much sat at the end of each other's counterpoint.
This isn't the surface level of difference, like one between Yukinoshita and Miura, or the difference between 1 and -1.
It is the difference between 1 and 0, between the have and have-not.
It is kind of amazing how well they can work together in spite of this.
No, it is even more amazing how the club could last this long in spite of this.
Yet, if their communication keeps crashing down like this, sooner or later, there will be cracks that can't be mended. Then, their-No, our service club will fracture.
…And I can't allow that.
Thoughts of abandoning this "madhouse" and leave the patients to stew and cooked in their own drama clouded my head, yet I dismissed it.
Because Yukinon is my friend.
And Hikki…Hikki is Hikki. Yeah.
I sighed and jumped into my bed with a thud, briefly marveling at how soft and squishy the bedding is before my mind calmed down enough to focus on less lofty thoughts.
Never mind about how this wasn't what I signed up for, I'm a part of the club now, like it or not, just like how I was (and still am) a part of Hayama clique.
If Hayama is the Face of the clique named after him, then the Service club, strangely enough, has the person one least expected to serve anyone as its Face: No one expect Hikigaya, the very model of a modern major Hikkimori, to actually has enough social graces to act as the Face of the group, while the supposedly club leader Yukinoshita playing the support role as the Brain of the operation.
The funny thing is, neither of them is conscious of the role they played. They just automatically filled in the role as they see fit.
Nevertheless, In their own …unconventional ways, they have contributed their worth to the club. It is time for me to do the same.
If they couldn't be trusted to manage their communication, then I will do so for them.
I will be the Glue, the tissues that hold them together.
…And if it helps me monitoring their relationship, then it is just hitting two birds with one stone.
Indeed, it really is fine for me to be a little more selfish after all.