Here's a new chapter!
A lot of people will probably hate me after this...
XXXX
Chapter 11 :
2 years before
The New York cemetery was immersed in the darkness of a cold September day, barely illuminated by the golden light that filtered through the storm clouds and rain-laden.
Peter Parker, better known to the general public as the amazing Spiderman, stood still and motionless in front of Tony Stark's headstone.
A melancholy smile lifted his lips and, with a brusque gesture, he pushed away some tears that had begun to streak his cheeks.
In the days following the man's death, his teachers and classmates had noticed the unusual sadness on his face, asking him questions he couldn't answer.
Of course, he had felt touched by their attempts to comfort him, but at that moment his heart required concentration and solitude. Not even Ned and his aunt had been able to help him.
To make things worse, half of the New York newspapers had begun to attack him a few months after his return on the streets. There were those who called him a cheap copy of Iron Man, a vigilante operating outside the law, or his favourite: a masked menace, as he was amicably addressed by James Jonah Jameson, the editor of the Daily Bugle.
For this reason, like every day since Tony's sacrifice, he had gone to that tombstone to remember the times he had spent with the man who had changed his life, his eyes pointed towards the sky and his face wet from the rain.
"Hello", a female voice called him from behind, making him wince.
Peter just turned his head to meet that person's eyes ... and froze.
In front of him there was a woman with short blond hair, and strong and solemn features, dressed in a black coat. In her right hand she held an umbrella of the same colour, which protected her from the rain.
"Hey, Peter Parker. You got something for me?" was the first thought that crossed the boy's mind.
The same exact words that person had been addressed to him in their first meeting, when she had saved him from the rain of fire that Thanos had unleashed on the Avengers.
There was no doubt: this was the woman who, like a comet made of pure light, had descended from the sky to take down that monster's ship.
"What are you doing here in the rain? You'll end up catching a cold", she said, in a visibly worried tone.
In other circumstances Peter would probably have blushed ... but at that moment he didn't have the strength to do even that.
"I don't care", he answered impassively.
They were silent for nearly a minute. Then, the woman slowly approached him and covered him with the umbrella, giving him a gentle smile.
"I just realized that I never told you my name. I'm Carol Danvers, nice to meet you", she said holding out her right hand.
The vigilante looked down at the stretched limb, mulling over what would be his next move.
"… Peter Parker", he muttered after a moment of silence, returning the gesture.
The smile on Carol's face seemed to widen.
"It's nice to meet you formally, Peter Parker", she said briskly. And, unexpectedly, the boy found himself partially infected by that solar expression.
"Why are you here, Miss Danvers?" he asked with a shy smile.
The woman chuckled.
"Call me Carol, after all we are colleagues. And I'm here to pay my respects", she revealed, pulling something out of her coat pocket. It was a white narcissus, with immaculate petals, which the blonde placed delicately on Stark's grave.
Almost like a signal, the look on the boy's face suddenly became grim, which didn't go unnoticed by the superheroine.
With uncertain movements, she wrapped one arm around the shoulders of the vigilante and brought him closer to herself as he rested his head on her shoulder. And they remained in that position for what seemed an interminable time, accompanied only by the roar of the rain.
"Do you know why so many New Yorkers dream to live outside the city?" Peter asked suddenly.
Next to him, Carol sent him a curious look, which prompted the teenager to continue.
"Because New York is a shitty place", he said with a de facto tone, surprising the woman. She didn't think he was the guy who liked to swear.
"People born here with their dreams, their ambitions ... and the city immediately puts them in line with its imperturbable stone eye. An eye that reveals all our faults, all our fears about ourselves ... and then tells us: Try to fight back. I dare you!" Peter continued with an ironic tone.
"And then, it looks down on us. No other city in the world more than this tries to hinder you in every way, tries pushing you to throw in the towel, to leave ... to give up. But I never gave up, no! Because I thought that ... that if I had lived up to the challenge they had set me, if I had been brave and would have gone through the flames ... I would have come out changed…as the hero that everyone wanted me to be. But I'm not a hero. I ... I'm afraid", he whispered, before straightening his head.
He raised a fist in the direction of the sky and took a deep breath.
"I'm afraid, are you happy?! Did you want the truth?! Did you want to humiliate me?! All right, I'm afraid! For the first time in my life I'm afraid! I'm afraid to disappoint Mr. Stark's memory! And I'm afraid of losing other people I care about!"
Still standing next to the vigilante, Carol tilted her head slightly. "I'm afraid too. There is nothing wrong with being afraid."
In response, Peter gave her a dirty look. "No?! Well, for me, yes!"
"And why? Aren't you a human being?" she asked, using a mocking tone of voice.
The boy squeezed both hands in clenched fists.
"I only know one thing: that I'm weak. And that's why Tony is gone!"
On hearing these words, the superheroine's eye seemed to light up.
"Ah, now I understand everything!" she exclaimed, pointing a finger at the boy's chest.
"You allowed the first fool who came to tell you that you weren't good. The difficulties have grown, you have looked for the culprit and found it in a shadow. Well, now I'll tell you something obvious: look, the world is not a bed of roses. It's a miserable and dirty place ... and no matter how strong you are, if you let it put you on your knees it will leave you with nothing!Neither me nor you, no one can hit as hard as life does. But it's not important the way you hit, no, the important thing is that you know how to resist the blows and if you have the strength to get up when you end on the ground!" she continued, causing a little jolt by the adolescent. He looked away, seemed almost guilty.
The woman released a sigh and began to stare at the immense hill of green covered with gravestones.
"You know ..." she began with a nostalgic tone, "There was a boy who lived in my street at Harpswell Sound, his name was Louis Lee. He always ran away from home and always came to our house, for no good reason. His father didn't beat him and he was always well dressed. The Lees had more money than most normal people, but he ran away from home at least once a month and came straight to our house. Well, usually my father called his mother and she came to get him back. But at the ninth or tenth time that he did, Louis ran outside, climbed up a tree behind the house and refused to go down for any reason. Then my father said to him: 'Listen, why don't you leave him with us for a while until he wants to go home?'"
She stopped abruptly, then chuckled.
"Seriously, that boy was really stubborn! Evening came and he was still up there, without food, without water, without a bath. And just before I went to bed I looked out the window and heard him cry, and so I said to him: 'Louis, why don't you come down?' And he, shaking his head: 'No'. The next morning I woke up, looked out the window and Louis was still on the tree. So, after breakfast, I went out with a plate of eggs. I asked him if he wanted some, but he kept shaking his head. Then I got angry. That boy had a nice house, a nice family, the kind that I would have killed to have when I was a little younger than him ... and he didn't realize it. And so I went to the tool shed and took an axe. Then I said to Louis: 'Do you want to see what it's like to live in my house?' And I hit that tree with the axe!" she said proudly, under the incredulous gaze of Peter.
"Louis screamed, but I continued. I've never heard anyone scream like he did while I hit that tree. Eh, Louis had pissed himself and the drops were raining on my head, but I didn't even notice. I just thought about hitting. Well, not long afterwards, Louis jumped down and ran to his house. He just needed ... the right motivation", she finished, as she turned to observe the adolescent's reaction.
He had heard the story of the blonde from beginning to end.
He remained silent, trying to find the right words to argue. In the end, he decided to ask a question.
"And what could my motivation be?" he asked, his eyes fixed in the direction of the tombstone that was a few steps away from them.
"It's not my task to choose what you are going to fight for", she said, surprising the boy once again.
After saying that, Carol put her right hand on the young man's shoulder and he, though tempted, decided not to retreat.
"You didn't make him do anything, Peter. Tony Stark was an adult, and he did what he decided to do. And you have no right to feel guilty about what happened to him. You are a survivor and you did what you had to do, you did what Fury, the Avengers and everyone else thought you should do. But it doesn't matter what they expect from you, because you are the one who carries this fear, the terror that everyone will rob you of the happiness you have long sought, the terror of being remembered as a coward. Well this isn't true, but it doesn't matter if I tell you, it doesn't matter, because you have to overcome this. Get rid of it, because only then, when all the smoke has cleared up, and people have finished shouting your name ... only then will you be able to do amazing things."
In front of her, Peter could not help but gasp. He felt violated, humiliated, as if that woman had managed to look straight through his own soul. And yet, he had never felt so in tune with someone as in that precise moment.
Then, Carol released a tired sigh.
"I've been a superhero for almost thirty years, Peter. And do you know what I've learned, after all this time? It's impossible to save everyone. It doesn't matter how much you want it", she said with a distant voice, her gaze apparently lost in a distant memory.
"But I also learned what Captain Marvel ... The idea of Captain Marvel means for so many people in the Universe", she reluctantly admitted. "I am the woman who comes from the sky and helps people. If I'm there, everything will be fine. And everyone…everyone is convinced of that."
She curled up both lips in a sad smile.
"The thing scares me, you know? I am afraid of this thing that everyone believes, the unassailable truth. 'No, she can't be everywhere, but if she intervenes for me, I'll be safe.' Yet when the time came to save half of the universe from Thanos ... Captain Marvel disappointed everyone. So believe me, I know how you feel", she whispered, while tears started to come out of Peter's eyes.
With a maternal touch, Carol ran a thumb over the boy's face, wiping his cheeks.
"Since you received these powers, you've surely made mistakes", the woman continued, "but it's not necessarily a bad thing. Those errors indicate a path. They make us what we are. And if anyone is destined for great things ... well, that's you, kid. You have to give the world your gifts. It's just about knowing how to use them. And know that, wherever this path will take you... me and the Avengers will always be there for you. You can count on it."
XXXX
Present :
Peter closed his eyes as he thought back to that moment that now seemed so far away. The moment when he began to become aware of the affection he felt for that woman. The moment when he began to fall in love with her.
And look where those feelings brought him.
Despite his attempts to reassure her, he still struggled to believe what Carol had revealed to him the day before. The fact that she was pregnant ... and in exactly nine months he would become a father.
What would happen to his life? To their reputation as superheroes?
Clearly he hadn't told anyone yet, the risk was too big. Maybe he could have told MJ to get a female opinion, but…well, he needed good advice, moral support, and in certain situations that girl was not particularly reliable.
Currently, the wall-climber was quietly brooding in the bed, he didn't even have the strength to go down and have breakfast.
The only positive note was that his aunt was already out working, so he wouldn't have crossed her. If she looked into his eyes she would know instantly that something was bothering him. It was rare, in fact, that he could lie to her. He didn't know how, but she always managed to unmask him.
"Peter? Peter? Hey, man, are you there?" someone shouted from the other side of the door. "You're not naked, are you? Can I come in?"
"No I'm not naked, Ned!" the boy moaned, instantly recognizing the voice of his best friend.
Damn, he still cursed the day he gave him a copy of the entrance keys. He always came during the least opportune moments!
While he engaged in a long series of mental curses, a boy with a robust build and Asian features entered the room.
"Don't you think it's time to get up?" he said with a teasing tone, sitting on the bed.
"Don't you think it's time to shut up?" the vigilante replied impassively.
Ned raised an eyebrow.
"Did you wake up from the wrong side of the bed?"
"Sorry", Peter muttered. "I only had a heavy week."
"What's wrong? Did a girl refuse you?" The schoolmate teased him.
"No, I wish it was just that", said with a half smile, even if Ned didn't miss the resigned tone with which he answered him.
"Come on, tell me", he ordered, putting his legs crossed on the bed.
Peter gave him a side look.
"I can't, mate. Really, not this time", he replied impassively.
The schoolmate just rolled his eyes.
"Peter, you can tell me everything, you know I'm not a spy", he said with a de facto tone.
The vigilante collapsed on the mattress.
And now what should he have done? Confess everything to him? He knew he could trust him, he would never spill anything to anyone, but just admitting that this was real still scared him to death. A child changes everything ... really everything. And he still wasn't sure if he was ready to take care of another human being.
"So? Come on, whatever you've done can definitely be solved", Ned added.
Peter took a deep breath.
"I got a girl pregnant", he spat out with one single breath. And for a moment, he felt much better after finally confessing it to someone.
"Wait ... what?!" Ned shouted incredulously, with his jaw that almost touched the ground."Tell me you are not so stupid that you did not take precautions!"
"Please don't scream", the vigilante admonished him.
"Peter! Damn! I thought you had a minimum of brain", the schoolmate continued with a lower voice.
"I didn't tell you so you could yell at me like Aunt May would", the Avenger snorted.
Ned seemed completely unable to find the right words to argue.
"Are you at least sure it's not a lie? Are you sure this baby is…yours?" he asked after a minute of silence.
The vigilante nodded quickly. "Believe me, I know her well. She would never lie to me about something like this."
"I don't know what to say ... Did you discuss this with this girl?"
Peter peered at him uneasily.
"Yes ... and we decided to keep him. Today we are going to do the ultrasound", he said after a few moments of silence.
Ned's eyes widened in surprise.
"Wow, it's really a big responsibility. Um ... congratulations? I'm proud of you, mate."
"It's still a big mess", the vigilante sighed, lowering his head.
" Yes, it is. But know that I'm here if you need advice", Ned smiled, receiving an incredulous look from the Avenger.
"And what advice could you ever give me for such a situation?"
"Hey, I've seen a lot of movies about the subject! I know how certain things go", the schoolmate said, with a proud smile.
Despite his best judgment, Peter found himself chuckling. Typical of that boy, he always managed to cheer his mood.
"Thanks", he told him, raising a fist and waiting for the other to hit him.
Wasting no time, Ned returned the gesture.
And for the first time since Carol had given him the good news, Peter felt a sense of comfort. At least, he could claim not to be completely left to himself.
XXXX
Peter went under the Stark Tower at 15:00 o'clock, where Carol quietly awaited him with a helmet in her hands.
"How do you feel?" was the first thing he asked her, once the bike was parked.
The woman stared at him amused.
"A little tired and bored, but I can't really complain", she replied with a placid smile. "And you?"
"I admit to being nervous. And if something happened during the procedure ..."
"Hey", she stopped him, stroking his cheek reassuringly. "Don't worry, it's nothing. Juts a quick check."
The teenager nodded slowly, then motioned for her to take a seat on his motorbike.
They arrived at the clinic just in time for the appointment.
To avoid possible uncomfortable questions, discussions or misunderstandings, Carol asked the vigilante to wait for her in the waiting room.
Despite not being very comfortable with the idea of leaving her alone, Peter reluctantly agreed. He regretted it after about half an hour.
After that time, in fact, the teenager had begun to freak out. He walked up and down the hall without stopping, going around those four walls as if they were an impassable cage.
He was very nervous and it didn't go unnoticed by the other occupants.
Carol had asked him to go together to the medical examination shortly after their discussion and at the time he was enthusiastic about it, he was calm and relaxed, as if it was the most natural thing in the world.
But now he was beginning to realize that he would soon see pictures of the baby. Of ... of his son. Or daughter, although he strongly doubted that the doctors would be able to identify the sex at this stage of development.
This thing scared him to death, because he knew it would make it a hundred percent real. He felt vulnerable and exposed, like never before.
He would have liked to talk to May about it, but he knew he wasn't ready to deal with her yet.
Trying to calm down, he took a few deep breaths and sat back, waiting.
"You can do it, Parker. You faced worse", he murmured to himself, with renewed determination.
Another five minutes passed. To his great relief, Peter saw Carol crossing the doors of the room.
The teenager ran up and walked to her, his face adorned with a smile full of expectation. However, that expression was very short-lived.
Once in front of her, he realized that the woman's eyes were on the floor, her shoulders lowered and part of her hair falling in front of her face like a sort of veil.
The boy's thoughts were promptly crossed by a horrible presentiment.
Carol raised her head, meeting the gaze of the wall-climber.
"I'm not pregnant", she whispered with a low voice.
Peter's heart skipped a beat, as he felt a cold and distressing grasp make his way into his body.
"It was ... an ectopic pregnancy. The doctor said that the explanations can be many, and not necessarily related to my physiology", the woman continued, using a tone of voice devoid of any emotion. "Apparently it's something that happens quite frequently. The embryo is formed but stabilizes in the fallopian tubes rather than in the uterus. A nice rip-off, isn't it?"
In front of her, the vigilante stood still and motionless, unable to perform even the slightest movement.
He opened and closed his mouth a couple of times ... but nothing. He ... really didn't know what to say.
He stretched out his right hand and placed it gently on the blonde's shoulder.
"Carol, I …"
He didn't have the chance to finish the sentence.
The superheroine snatched his arm away with a snarl. Then, she proceeded to pass him and to walk quickly up to the clinic exit.
"Carol ... Carol ... Carol!" the vigilante called her. The woman gave no sign of having heard him and went on relentlessly among the crowd of pedestrians, pushing some aside.
Ignoring the curses and protests of passers-by, she went into an alley bordering the building. Peter followed her.
The woman stopped in the middle of the driveway, turned her head towards him ... and the teenager froze.
Her face was wet with tears, locked in an expression of anger mixed with despair.
"I knew all this was crazy!" the woman screamed, making the boy jump. "I mean, what did we expect, anyway? You are so ... young. God, you live with your aunt, technically you work for me, and I was thinking of having a baby with you!? What is happening?!"
Peter swallowed with difficulty, trying to ignore the sudden twinge that gripped his stomach.
"Do you really need to know? Can't we find out?" the boy offered, with a wobbly smile.
Carol narrowed her eyes and walked up to him, pointing a finger at his chest.
"You say this just because you're living an illusion", she hissed through clenched teeth.
The vigilante's eyes widened. "Why is it an illusion?"
"Because you are 18 years old!" Carol replied, with an exasperated tone. "You get drunk with half a glass of wine, you still play with legos ... And you read Harry Potter whenever you have time left!"
"Many adults read Harry Potter!" the boy protested, raising both hands in a conciliatory gesture.
The woman released an angry growl and slammed her foot violently against the asphalt, creating small cracks and shaking the walls of the alley.
Alarmed, Peter quickly took a step back, while the heroine took a couple of soothing breaths.
"Listen, I ... I appreciate the fact that you think it might work. More than you can imagine, I assure you", she said after a moment of silence. "You ... you are a wonderful person. A very special person."
"What's the point ?!" the teenager exclaimed, visibly frustrated.
Carol put her hand to her forehead.
"What I want to say is…that someone like you should not be with someone like me. A woman with three times your age who would spend 90% of her time away from the planet."
"You don't mind age" Peter growled, with a sudden surge of irritation.
Surprised by that aggressive reaction, the blonde turned her face into an angry expression. "Yes, actually. I'm an old woman who minds age!"
"Don't treat me like a baby!" the boy shouted, making her wince. "I still live with my aunt, and I get drunk with half a glass of wine, and yes, maybe I'm living in an illusion, but I am not a complete idiot!"
Silence. A dark and heavy quiet seemed to fall into the depths of the alley.
Carol stared at the teenager with wide eyes as he approached her and laid his hands on his shoulders.
"I know how I feel about you. You don't know how you feel about me", he whispered with a smile. "I only hope that you have the courage to understand it."
The woman closed her eyes, feeling that the tears had started to roll down her cheeks.
Then, slowly, almost hesitantly, she raised her right hand and used it to gently cuddle the boy's face.
"You mean a lot for me ... but it doesn't make sense. I mean ... what future could we ever have?" she said with a choked voice.
Peter's grip became more insistent. "Don't talk like that. I love you."
"I'm sorry ..."
"I love you", the boy repeated.
Carol looked down. How long had she been waiting for someone to say those words to her without second thoughts in mind? Here they were, she had finally uttered them, but Carol felt crushed by their ironic untimeliness.
"I have to do it ... It's better for both."
"I'm sorry"
It was then that Peter's eyes also began to moisten.
"Carol ... please don't do it. You're angry, I understand, but please ... don't do it", he said with a low voice, making the woman's heart sink.
She closed her eyes again ... and took a few steps back, freeing herself from the vigilante's grip.
Peter immediately felt as if an unknown force was trying to crush him to the ground.
The blonde pressed the surface of the bracelet on her wrist. Within seconds, the clothes she was wearing were replaced by the red and blue uniform of Captain Marvel.
She opened her eyes and stared at Peter with a sad smile.
"Do you know what I will miss most of all this? You ... and your friendship."
And, after having uttered these words, she threw herself over the roofs of the alley and flight away, leaving behind the motionless figure of the wall-climber.
Peter made no attempt to follow her. He knew he would never be able to reach her, and then ... what sense would it have?
It was over. And the worst thing? Carol was probably right.
About him, about them ... about everything that had happened since that night. For two months he had lived in the illusion that such a relationship could have lasted unimpeded.
He had been naive. Naive and hasty. They should have taken things more slowly.
And it was selfish of him to ask Carol to get involved in something like that. What could he ever offer her? He was just a kid. A little boy who played the hero, and nothing else.
"Yeah ... just a kid", he whispered to himself, while bitter tears began to streak his cheeks.
He remained in that alley alone for almost ten minutes. After that time, he quickly wiped his face with the sleeve of his jacket and returned to the main road.
And he began to walk. Without a precise goal, he just wanted to go on, without stopping ... without ever looking back.
But at that moment, a familiar sound forced him to look up.
"Are you kidding me?" he growled through clenched teeth, while an advertising screen began to crackle as if subjected to some kind of interference.
The vigilante didn't need to check the news to know that all the screens in the city were facing the same problem. By now he knew that procedure by heart.
Some more crackling, then the most total white. Silence. Then, the image came back as clear as the day.
And there he was, just like Peter remembered from two nights before. The same ruthless, relentless and deadly Carnage responsible for so many deaths in the city of New York.
Seeing him on television was one thing, but to find that monster in front of him ... it had been a chilling experience. He almost died a second time!
This was not an enemy like Thanos, whose actions - however crazy - had always been characterized by a grain of rationality and pragmatism.
Carnage was indeed a person who found his only reason for living in the murder and suffering of others. A monster in human skin in every respect.
"Welcome back to Tele-Carnage, ladies and gentlemen. Here is your friendly neighbourhood Carnage with a pearl of wisdom directly from me!" the creature exclaimed, turning that seemingly timeless smile to the camera.
"See, some people think that what makes us a divine species, which separates us from animals without a soul ... is the propensity for good", he said with an apparently casual tone, as if he were really holding some sort of live conference. "Yet I would propose another theory. Because goodness ... compassion, generosity, these things are also present in the lower life forms. But evil ... true evil ... no. No, you can't find this among the birds, the bees and the monkeys in the trees."
He pointed a long, clawed finger at the ceiling.
"See, I have always thought that it is in our ability to accomplish wickedness that we see reflected our most genuine divine nature", he stated with de facto tone.
Then, he pointed dramatically at the camera, snapping his forked tongue between his jaws.
"You are all prisoners, dear viewers. What you call 'sanity' is only a prison for the mind that prevents you from seeing that you are only small gears of a gigantic and absurd machine! Wake up!" he hissed, leaping forward and grabbing the camera.
Because of the sudden gesture, Peter jumped back in fright, a gesture that was imitated by many of the pedestrians who had gathered on the sidewalk to watch the broadcast.
Meanwhile, the smile on the serial killer's face seemed to widen.
"Why be gears? Be free! Like me! And to help you in this endeavour, I'll give you all a gift tonight. After today, every man, woman or child in New York ... will fully understand his place in this crazy world. Carnage out!"
XXXX
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BOOM!
Please, don't hate me. At first I was planning to get the child killed by Carnage, but it seemed too clichè, soooo...I decided to use something different.
And yes, Carol/Peter relationship is not the best, at the moment.