It rained all day, and the next.
Trying to regain a sense of comfort through routine, something Gardner had taught her, Margaux sat on the front porch steps, cup of tea in hand, just as she did every morning.
Raindrops battered the roof of her little house, pooling and spilling over the edge so that it drizzled down in streams near to where she sat. Every so often, a stray droplet hit her cheek, but she barely noticed.
Margaux was waiting.
This weather used to be comforting. It reminded her of her rainy childhood in Berlin, and her even rainier adolescence in London. Now all she could think about were her awful nightmares, always following her like a second shadow, and the water dripping from the ends of Gardner's hair as he stood in her kitchen, asking her questions she wasn't sure how to answer.
Margaux shook her head, brushing the memories away.
It hurt. It hurt to know that the love of her life was near, in the same suburb, just a few streets away, and he couldn't have felt further out of reach, like he was thousands of miles away. Margaux used to be able to feel him, even when she wasn't with him, like he was the second pump of her heart, every inhalation.
She thought to look at Gardner was to see the world the way it ought to be seen. He was so entrenched in his surroundings, delicately woven into the fabric of this little town.
Gardner looked at things with apparent solemnity, gazing at trees and rivers and cracks in the sidewalk in thoughtful silence, but Margaux thought if she were able to see inside his head, she might be able to hear him talking to them, and hear their replies.
He was in the rain that fell and the grass under her feet, he was the summer breeze and he moved with the flowers that it swayed, and being with him felt so jubilant that all the years she'd felt other in this place melted away, and for the first time in a decade, Margaux felt at home. All because of Gardner.
Not anymore, though. Not anymore.
The front gate squeaked and she looked up, hope brimming over in her chest, but it was only Linda with the mail. She was wearing a light blue rain mac, the same colour as her uniform, the USPS emblem stamped over her heart. For a moment, she tried to imagine Gardner wearing one, and the thought made her smile, but it disappeared just as quickly as it came.
Linda offered her a thin smile but didn't stop to chat. Margaux knew it was probably just because she was in a hurry to get out of the rain, but part of her dreaded the thought that Gardner had told everyone about what happened.
She waited, she waited all day, and the next. Waited to see that familiar face at the gate, a flash of that smile. But no, no sweet face, no lovely voice, no Gardner. He wasn't coming.
"Shit." Margaux sipped her tea, settling back against the porch steps. "Fuck."
It was still raining several days later when Margaux finally made herself leave the house.
Braving the weather and her own personal dark clouds, she rode her bike into town, purposefully driving straight through the middle of every puddle she came across, trying to make it a game for herself.
She almost caught herself smiling when she saw some children playing in the flooded streets, but again, it slipped through her hands like grains of sand, and she was back to feeling sorry for herself before she'd even had a chance to blink.
The town centre was empty. Usually, on a weekday, she had to carefully manoeuvre around cars and people, but the weather had driven everyone indoors.
After she finished her shopping, she started to head home again, eager to get out of the rain. But something stopped her. Margaux paused, one foot on the pedals. There was a garage across the road from the supermarket.
Fond memories began to cloud her vision, of the family business, her older sister listening intently to something her mother was teaching her, both of them leaning over an engine, while Margaux sat on the floor in the corner, half-listening, her own little project spread out all around her, cogs and springs and bits and pieces from the spare parts bin.
She found herself leaning forward on her toes, pulled towards the garage by the invisible force of family, good memories, and love.
Before she knew it, she'd parked her bike and crossed the road. If she wasn't going to fix things for her neighbours anymore, she needed a job. A proper job, just like her family wanted. Heart jittering, she stepped inside.
"Hello?"
Margaux pushed back the hood of her raincoat, the stray hairs that framed her face now plastered to her skin like tiny, twisting vines. She could hear music in the back of the shop, just managing to rise above the rain outside.
Familiar smells itched her memories and soon more images rose in her head, of her little brother and sister sitting on the side while Margaux and her older sister kept them entertained, showing them how they could take an engine apart and put it back together again in just a few minutes while their mother worked, never far away, keeping one eye on them, smiling fondly when they all giggled happily.
The place was empty, from what she could see, so Margaux called out again, moving further into the garage.
"Back here!"
Margaux followed the voice, peering around cars and machinery, trying to find its owner. There was someone working away under a car in the back, she could see their legs sticking out from under a green SUV.
"Hello."
As she walked closer, Margaux wondered if she ought to wait for them to finish whatever they were working on, but she felt so awkward just standing there.
It had been a few days since she last spoke to another person, so the words spilled from her like the water in the gutter outside.
"I'm sorry, I know you're busy, but I was wondering if you had any vacancies? I don't have any, um, qualifications but I do have a lot of experience. Oh, maybe I should bring a CV. Sorry, this was kind of a spur of the moment-"
"Oh, my Gooood," The mechanic groaned, pushing themselves out from underneath the SUV. "That was the worst pitch ever."
The dolly board squeaked as it rolled across the floor, stopping right before her feet.
"You've spoken to people before, right? You've had conversations with other humans?"
Margaux felt her face grow pale.
"Calvin."
Of course. Gardner has told her his brother was a mechanic, she'd even spoken to Calvin about it that night they went out as a group. She didn't realise it was this garage. Margaux suddenly felt very, very stupid.
"Sorry, that was mean."
Calvin grunted as he sat up, shooting her an uncharacteristically sharp look.
"But then you did steal from my brother."
"I deserve it." Margaux gave him a grim smile. "How is he? He was meant to come over yesterday and he didn't."
"He's kinda mad."
"Yeah, yeah, I thought he might be."
Silence fell between them but surprisingly, it wasn't nearly as uncomfortable as she anticipated. At least, Calvin seemed relatively relaxed, if a little on guard, but she knew that was more for his brother's sake than his own personal feelings.
Margaux, however, could still feel guilt and fear twisting round her stomach, her throat so tight she had to swallow drily before she spoke again.
"I've never seen Gardner angry, I can't even imagine it."
It was the first time she'd said his name out loud in days, even though it had been rolling around her head, her very veins, since the day they met.
"He's upset, too."
Calvin kicked the dolly board away, turning his attention to the open hood of the car instead.
"He usually gets up real early to go for his walk but I don't think he'd even come out of his room when I left this morning."
Shame seeped across her skin, colder than the rain. Gardner had trusted her with his past, passed it from his hands to hers so carefully, and she'd been just as reckless as everyone else in his life. Calvin was just another reminder of how she'd let him down, just like his parents, just like the woman he didn't like to talk about.
"You know what," Margaux shook her head, tears starting to blur her vision. "This was a mistake. I'm sorry."
She turned to leave, her heart in her throat, but Calvin's voice stopped her.
"Why're you looking for a job?"
Margaux stopped. When she turned back to look at him, Calvin looked genuinely curious.
"I thought you had your own thing going."
Margaux looked down at the scarred, oil-stained floor.
"I stopped."
"Why?"
"Didn't feel right anymore."
Calvin hummed as if to say he understood. He paused for just a moment, mulling this over, then nodded back at the SUV he was working on.
"You good with cars?"
Margaux gave him a thin smile, her first in days.
"Is this still a job interview?"
"Of sorts."
"I'm good with everything."
That made Calvin smile.
"Come on."
He nodded in the direction of the car again, then pointed at her with the oily rag he'd been using to wipe his hands.
"You," he said. "Are gonna be a lot more helpful than my brother."
They worked in relative silence, only exchanging words when someone needed to borrow a tool or they were deciding on the best course of action.
Calvin was happily surprised when Margaux seemed to pick up on the problem without him having to go into too much detail. He knew she was good, she could fix anything, but he'd never seen her in action before. He could see why Gardner was so in awe of this girl.
It was almost an hour before Margaux felt brave enough to ask what she was dying to know, the question waiting on her tongue, almost falling from her, anything to end her agony.
"Did he tell you what happened?"
Calvin looked up.
"About the other night? When you asked to kiss him?"
Margaux flushed.
"No, no, not that."
Just for a moment, she allowed herself to wonder what it might actually be like, to kiss him, kiss him properly. Margaux usually got so flustered at the thought that she stopped herself before she could imagine for very long, leaving her with an aching heart and a sense of longing that she'd never known before.
She let herself think about how warm his skin had felt under her hands, how soft his lips might feel as they moved against hers, his adorable nose pressing against her cheek, the soft little moans and sighs she would encourage him to share with her.
Margaux thought about pulling away to look at him, just look at him for a moment, and giggle with him giddily before she kissed him again, pulling gently on his fluffy hair, groaning as he kissed her back just as eagerly, his tongue against hers, Gardner's moans pushed into her mouth.
The thought of his big hands on her hips and his warm, soft, lovely body pressing tight against hers almost made Margaux whimper out loud, and she shook the thoughts away, focusing back on the task at hand.
"You know, I was worried about your intentions with my brother at first."
Margaux raised her head, the muscles in her neck already beginning to burn from being bent over the engine but she tried to ignore it.
Calvin was watching her work closely but he was relaxed, much more at ease than she felt. He wasn't assessing her, just watching curiously. Just like his brother.
"He's not good with people. Well, he always seems to meet the wrong kind of people. And when he came home talking about this girl he couldn't stop thinking about, I got kinda nervous cos…"
Calvin grew suddenly restless, straightening up, the wrench he held spinning between nervous fingers.
"He tell you about Paige?"
Margaux frowned, confused. She didn't recall Gardner ever mentioning anyone by that name. Unless… It was her. The 'she' they carefully tiptoed round.
"Not really," she said quietly, feeling her face start to heat up.
Margaux didn't know anything about this woman but any mention of her made her blood boil. She had mistreated her friend, her love, her Gardner, that was all she needed to know. But with a tremendous jolt to her system, Marguax realised that she wasn't much better. The thought sank like a stone to the pit of her stomach.
Calvin twisted his mouth, clearly the memory was just as uncomfortable for him as it was for his brother.
"She was this lady he met on his route last summer. She had her own stuff going on, I guess, but she didn't treat him right. She was the wrong kind of people. Again."
He asked her for a torque wrench, something Gardner definitely would have struggled with, and beamed when she passed it over without hesitation.
"With her, everything was all kinda secretive and unsure, you know. But then, ha ha! The Lady In Red."
Calvin gestured to her grandly, but his smile faded when he realised that for the first time since he'd known her, Margaux wasn't wearing any red at all. It made him stop in his work, leaning against the car as he thought for a moment.
"Gardner never stops talking about you. And when he finally shuts his mouth, I know he's still thinking about you," Calvin said quietly. "And I thought, you must be different. You must be the right kind of person. The person. Gardner's person." He smiled. "And I still think that."
Heart pounding, Margaux had to take in a deep breath before she dared to meet his gaze.
"Even…" She took in another shaky breath. "Even after..?"
"Well, yeah, I mean… Yeah."
Calvin laughed softly, not sure what else there was to say.
Margaux gave him a wobbly smile. She didn't want to cry again, she'd done enough of that, but all she'd wanted was Gardner's forgiveness, and his brother's. She couldn't have predicted the relief that would roll through her when she got it. The trust she'd worked so hard to forge was still there, just a tiny glowing ember, but alive.
"What makes you so sure?" she asked, though she almost dreaded the answer.
Calvin grinned.
"You asked if you could kiss him." He gave her a pointed look. "She never did."
He reached up and closed the hood, brushing imaginary dust from his hands as he beamed at her, proud of their hard work.
Calvin. Calvin Benson. Gardner's family, who made sure he ate, encouraged him, stood by him, organising birthday parties and Christmas presents, getting Gardner a job when he lost his old one, understanding that it wasn't just a job he'd lost and helping him stay strong, taking him in when his parents abandoned him, keeping him safe for all these years until Margaux came along, making sure he knew he was loved, and wanted, and important in a thousand tiny little ways. And now he was going to make everything better, she knew it.
Outside, the rain was starting to slow.
"So, why don't we finish up the rest of the jobs I've got to get through today," Calvin smiled, gentle, understanding, patient. "And you tell me what's wrong."