A/N: The usual copyright junk. Yada Yada Blah Blah. I do however wish I could own Buck Cross. Whew! Anywho! Continue to hang on! Same warnings and all apply. Thanks so much if you are still reading! You mean the world to me. Thanks to Laura, Susan, and Ms. Silenthorse (Vandy) for all your encouragement and support. I cherish our friendships!
"I know the questions in your mind, But go ahead and ask me one more time
You'll find the answer's still the same, It won't change from day to day, for worse or better
Will I promise to be your best friend, And am I here until the end
Can I be sure I have been waiting for you, And did I say my love is true
Baby I will, I am, I can, I have, I do"
~ Paul Brandt
Chapter 13
I Do
Rock Creek, Nebraska
December 1864
The last few months had found the ranch settling down for the winter. The boys were rotating stock and making sure that they had enough provisions for the winter. Christmas was coming and it was decided that Jeremiah and Buck would go out and hunt for the turkey as they had in years past. Buck wanted to talk to Jeremiah alone anyway. Two days before Christmas the pair packed up and kissed their ladies goodbye. They rode out a ways and set up camp to try and hunt for whatever they could.
"Jeremiah, I was wondering if I could speak with you about something." Buck said as they finished up their small meal. Jeremiah looked over at Buck and suddenly wondered what he had done wrong. Since Jimmy, Lydia and he had talked and forgiven each other, everything had been fine.
"Sure Buck. What's on your mind?" Jeremiah said cautiously.
"I was, uh, . . . well, I . . ." Buck said. He took a deep breath. Why was this so difficult? "Jeremiah, I love Louise. I know that everyone knows that. You are her brother and I only feel that it be right if I ask you."
"Ask me what Buck?" Jeremiah said. Now he had an idea of what was going on. Buck wanted to marry Louise. Jeremiah wanted nothing more than for the two of them to marry. Kid had not asked his permission and Jeremiah didn't like that. Although he was young, he still wanted to be respected as the 'man'.
"I would like your permission. . . to . . . to ask Louise to marry me." Buck said nervously. "I promise you that I will spend the rest of my life making her happy and providing for her and our family. That includes you and Teresa."
"Buck, it would be an honor to be your brother. I know you love Louise deeply. She loves you just as much. I know that she loved Kid, but it was different. I see the way she looks at you, the way she acts with you. She is truly in love with you. I know that she doesn't need my permission and you don't either, but I greatly appreciate that you asked. Thank you for always treating me like a man." Jeremiah said with a genuine smile. He meant every word. "Do you already the ring?"
"Yeah, actually I do." Buck said. He went to his saddle bag and pulled out a black velvet pouch. He reached inside and pulled out a silver ring with a large beautiful opal stone in the middle. He also pulled out two silver bands. They were in the shape of belts with buckles and had an intricate pattern on the band. "I have her engagement ring and then our wedding bands. The Kiowa do not have bands but I want the world to know that Louise is my wife and I am proud to be her husband. The jeweler in St. Joe said the belt buckle is a symbol of eternal loyalty and love. That's what I have for Louise. Eternal loyalty and love."
Buck handed the rings to Jeremiah. Jeremiah looked them over and was impressed. Buck had thought a lot about marrying his sister. He handed the rings back to Buck who put them back in his saddlebag. The pair shared some more small talk before turning in.
Two days later, Buck and Jeremiah rode back in with a huge turkey and six deer. They put up the meat and Buck went to take care of the hides. The next day was Christmas Eve and the family had made plans. They would all meet for Christmas Eve lunch and then retire to their respective houses. On Christmas Day, everyone would meet for a late lunch and exchange gifts.
Christmas Eve was a joyous affair and the whole ranch turned out for lunch. The family took their time eating and the ladies enjoyed coffee and dessert by the fire. The men went and checked the stock and then retired to the bunk house for some poker. After a couple of hours, the families all went to their respective houses.
That evening was no different for Buck and Lou. They sat by the fire with their coffee. Lou had her legs draped over Buck's. He rubbed his hand up and down her legs while relaxing. He noticed Lou was quiet after the ladies left and wondered what was on her mind.
"What's on your mind honey?" Buck asked Lou. Lou sighed and looked at her cup of coffee. "Lou, we can't keep secrets from each other. It almost ripped us apart last time."
"I know Buck. I just get sad this time of year. I know that it was probably for the best but I still feel sad because I lost my baby. What if it was my fault that the baby died?" Louise said softly. Her tears slid down her cheeks.
"Lou. Louise, you will always love that baby. Nothing and no one will ever change that. I am sorry that you had to endure that. You know as well as I do that there was nothing you could have done differently. The baby dying is not your fault." Buck said as he held her hands. She looked at him and saw the love in his eyes.
"What if. . ." Lou stopped. She couldn't finish her question in that moment.
"What if what Lou?" Buck asked her softly.
"What if . . . What if I can't give you a baby? What if I can't have children. You deserve to have all the children you can. I don't want you to be tied down to someone who can't give you any babies." Lou said. She couldn't hide her emotions. She wanted to have Buck's children more than she ever wanted Kid's children. With Kid she wasn't even sure if she wanted children. When she got pregnant, she was elated and looked forward to the baby. Then, after losing the baby, she decided that trying to have children wasn't worth it. With Buck, she knew she wanted to give him a whole tribe if she was able.
"Louise Mary McCloud! Do you honestly think that I am here just for you to have my children? Is that the only reason you think I am here?" Buck said. He was half joking. He knew better but she needed to realize that he truly loved her whether they never had a baby or had twelve.
"No. But every man wants a son. And . . ." Louise began.
"But I am not every man. I am Buck. And you are Louise. And we are going to make the most out of life. Whether we have no babies or twelve babies, I will love you. I will always love you. I want to walk through this life with you by my side. I need a partner. I need you." Buck said. He leaned over and kissed Lou softly. He pulled out the velvet pouch from his shirt pocket. He pulled it open and held up the ring. "Louise Mary McCloud, Will you marry me? Will you be my partner, my best friend, my lover, my wife, my everything? Will you marry me?"
Lou looked at the ring. She gasp and realized that this was really happening. Buck wanted to marry her. He wanted to pledge his life to her. She couldn't believe it.
"Yes." Lou said softly.
"What was that?" Buck said. He wanted to make sure he had heard her correctly.
"Yes! Yes I will marry. I will marry you right now. I love you Buck Cross!" Lou said as she jumped into his lap. She kissed him passionately. They stayed like that for several minutes. Kissing and whispering love to each other. Louise stood up and pulled Buck up. They went to their bedroom and loved all night long.
The next morning, Louise woke up and untangled herself from Buck. She still couldn't believe that he was there. And that he wanted to marry her. She looked down at the ring on her finger. It wasn't a dream. She got up and put on her robe. She went downstairs and made them a light breakfast. A few minutes later, Buck came down the stairs. He joined Lou in the kitchen and they enjoyed a cup of coffee together. Buck then got another cup and went to the front door. He opened the door and stepped out on to the porch. He took a deep breath of the fresh air and smiled. This life was amazing.
As he took another deep breath Buck felt something. He felt it in his soul. He couldn't put his finger on it. He felt like a piece of him was missing yet he had discovered a part that he didn't know existed. He felt tears in his eyes yet had no idea what was happening. He heard Teresa come down the stairs and squeal with delight at the sight of her gifts. She had two new beautiful dresses. They were the same style; one was yellow and the other one a deep navy. She even had new underpinnings and heeled boots to match. Buck came in with a smile. Lou was already in the living room fussing over Teresa and her new dresses. Buck stopped and took in the scene. Louise had to be Lou for so long it was nice to see her being Louise all the time. She was now able to have and provide nice dresses and be a lady. Buck went over to the ladies and pulled a box from behind the tree.
"Merry Christmas Teresa. This is from me." Buck said as he gave Teresa a hug. Teresa's eyes lit up and she looked at Louise. Louise gave her a confused look and shrugged her shoulders. Teresa opened the box to find two doe skin dresses and a set of moccasins. There was also a beaded bracelet. Teresa delicately touched the items and felt the tears in her eyes. She went over and hugged Buck tightly around the waist. Buck hugged her back and then looked over at Lou. Lou was beaming with love. "I thought we would go and spend some time with Red Bear this spring. I figured you could use something to wear while we are there."
"Really! Please. Please can we go to the village? I would love to see Red Flower and Yellow Rabbit. And of course Red Hawk as well." Teresa said excitedly. Buck smiled and hugged her again. Teresa took out the bracelet and took a look at the intricate pattern. The pattern began with white beads outlining the inside pattern. The inside pattern included a yellow star in the middle. The yellow star was outlined with dark blue beads. To the sides of the star were Buck's family markings. Teresa looked up at Buck with tears in her eyes. Buck reached out and helped tie the bracelet on her wrist.
"Yes, Teresa. I would like for us to go visit the village in the spring. Also, you are my family. As such, you should wear my family markings. I love you Syân já̱." Buck said to her. Louise had tears in her eyes as well. "Since Jeremiah already knows, I would you to know as well before the rest of the family. I asked Louise to marry me and she said yes."
Teresa squealed with delight and ran to hug Louise. Louise smiled and embraced her sister. Louise pulled her close to see the bracelet. Teresa wanted to see the ring.
"Buck, what do you mean Jeremiah already knows?" Lou asked him. Buck chuckled.
"Because I had to ask his permission to marry you. He is the oldest male in your family." Buck said to Louise. Lou and Teresa both put their hands to the mouths in disbelief. "I told you. Jeremiah and Teresa are your siblings. That makes them my family. I love them just like my own siblings. That's what family is all about."
"You . . . you asked Jeremiah . . . for my hand?" Louise asked as tears fell down her checks. Buck brushed them away. He nodded his head yes. "That means so much to me. And I'm sure it meant the world to him. Thank you for being such a wonderful man."
Louise and Buck embraced. Buck leaned down and kissed her passionately. Teresa slipped into the kitchen while they were kissing. Teresa felt like her family was finally coming together. She was also excited about visiting the village in the spring.
"Louise, will you marry me?" Buck said to Lou. Lou smiled.
"I already said yes. I am wearing your ring." Louise smiled as she spoke.
"I mean will you marry me now. Today. Here. Teaspoon perform the ceremony and all our family watching. Marry me." Buck said. He leaned in and kissed her again.
"Yes. YES! I will marry you today. A thousand times yes!" Louise squealed. "Is that why you want to go to the village? To tell Red Bear we got married?"
"One of the reasons. I was wondering if you would marry me there also. A traditional Kiowa ceremony as well. That way we are married according to both of our traditions." Buck said as he smiled. Louise smiled back at him.
"I would love to Buck. I think that's a great idea. I would love to be your wife in every way and tradition possible." Lou said as she kissed him again. Buck smiled into her kiss. He loved this woman with all of himself.
Soon the family began arriving and they enjoyed lunch. They all retired to the living room for gifts. Once they were finished with gifts, Buck stood up and announced that he and Louise had one last gift for each other. He reached down and pulled her up by her hand. Louise beamed at Buck.
"I asked Louise to marry me last night. She said yes." Buck said. All the ladies squealed and ran to hug Louise. The men stood and shook Buck's hand. "There's more. Teaspoon, if you don't mind. Would you marry us? Would you perform the ceremony for us right now?"
The family looked up in shock. Buck and Louise smiled. Teaspoon walked over to the couple and hugged Louise and shook Buck's hand. Teaspoon knew this was right and that no two people were better suited except for the couples in that room.
"Who will stand up for you?" Teaspoon asked.
"I request Ike to stand by me. Jimmy, would you also stand for me as well?" Buck asked. The men stood up and shook his hand again. They went to take their places by his side. "Jeremiah, I love you as a brother, but I do not want you to stand up for me. Please, will you give your sister away?"
"I would be honored to give her in marriage to you my brother." Jeremiah said as he moved to the couple. He took Louise's hand and the siblings embraced. "I love you Louise."
"I love you too Jeremiah. Thank you so much." Lou said as she wiped the tears from his eyes. "I would like Teresa, Emily, and Amanda to stand up with me. Rachel and Lydia, would you be our witnesses?"
"Of course we will!" The ladies cried at the same time.
"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to join this man and this woman in holy matrimony. Since it's just us family, we will skip all the love talk. Everyone in this room knows the love between the two of you. Who gives this woman to this man?" Teaspoon said after clearing his throat.
"I do along with my sister and this, our entire family." Jeremiah said plainly. He put Louise's hand in Buck's and then stepped back to stand by Lydia.
"Do you, Running Buck Cross, take this woman to be you wedded wife? To have and to hold from this day forward? In sickness and in health? In poverty and in wealth? Do you promise to love, honor, and cherish her as long as you both shall live?" Teaspoon said.
"I do." Buck said as he kissed Louise's knuckle.
"Do you, Louise Mary McCloud, take this man to be your wedded husband? To have and to hold from this day forward? In sickness and in health? In poverty and in wealth? Do you promise to love, honor and obey, well uh, cherish him as long as you both shall live?" Teaspoon said with a chuckle.
"I do." Louise said with a wink to Buck. Everyone chuckled at the obey part.
"Do you have rings?" Teaspoon asked. Buck nodded and pulled out their rings from his pocket. Teaspoon took the rings from Buck. He handed Buck's ring to Lou and Lou's ring to Buck. "A circle. No beginning and no end. That's how love is."
"Buck, place the ring on Louise's left ring finger and repeat after me. With this ring, I thee wed." Teaspoon explained.
"With this ring, I thee wed. I pledge eternal love and loyalty to you. Everything I am and have is yours. Until death parts our path." Buck said as he slid the ring on her finger. He again kissed Louise's knuckle.
"Beautiful. Louise, place the ring on Buck's left ring finger and repeat after me. With this ring, I thee wed." Teaspoon explained again.
"With this ring, I thee wed. I pledge eternal love and loyalty to you. Everything I am and have is yours. I will love you until death parts our path." Louise said as she slid the ring on his finger.
"I now pronounce you husband and wife. Please kiss your bride." Teaspoon said as he wiped the tears from his eyes. Buck reached out and took Louise's face in his hands. He pulled her to him and brushed his lips against hers. She pressed her lips into his and soon they found themselves in a passionate kiss. They forgot all about the others in the room. They were now married. No one could tear them apart. When they finally pulled away from each other, the others had gone into the dining room and were having coffee.
Later that evening, after everyone had gone back to their homes, Buck sat on the couch waiting for Louise to join him. He felt that feeling again. Like a piece of him was missing but not known. Louise came around the corner and the two enjoyed their coffee. Buck began to rub his hand up and down Lou's leg. He lingered for a few minutes on her upper thigh. He looked over at her and licked his lips. Louise looked over the rim of her coffee mug and winked. Buck sat his coffee mug down and reached under Lou. He picked her up and headed up the stairs. He carried her over the threshold of their bedroom. He laid her down on the bed and began to kiss her. Buck and Louise spent their first night as man and wife bringing each other pleasure, declaring their love in every way possible. The sweat, love, lust, passion, heat, desire all reaching a culmination in every act.
The next day, Jeremiah walked over to the jail. Jimmy was on duty and the day had been quiet. Jeremiah was so nervous. He now understood how Buck felt. Jimmy was sitting at the desk going over some wanted posters.
"Mornin' Jimmy. I was wondering if I could have a word with you?" Jeremiah asked. Jimmy turned and smiled.
"Of course Jeremiah. What's on your mind?" Jimmy asked. He already knew. He knew this day was coming and had been expecting it for some time.
"Well, uh. Jimmy, you see." Jeremiah stumbled over his words. Jimmy was having a hard time keeping a straight face. He knew what Jeremiah was going through.
"Aw, hell Jeremiah, just spit it out." Jimmy said in a mocking annoyed tone.
"Jimmy, you know . . . I love Lydia. I . . . I love her more than anything. She is amazing. She's smart, funny, talented, caring, loving. She makes me want to be a better man. To be the man that deserves a woman as wonderful as she is. I will never be good enough for her, but I would be honored to be her husband. Jimmy, may I have your blessing to marry Lydia?" Jeremiah said to Jimmy. Jimmy was touched by his words. He expected Jeremiah to ask for Lydia. He did not expect him to speak of Lydia the way he did. He didn't even mention her beauty which told Jimmy that Jeremiah loved her for more than her physical attributes. He knew that several of the young ladies in town were sweet on Jeremiah and he was absolutely oblivious to them. Jeremiah could easily do what he wanted with Lydia and then toss her aside. Jimmy knew that the two did not have a physical relationship, at least they were not having sex to his knowledge. Since he was a deputy he tended to know things.
"Do you have the ring?" Jimmy asked. Jeremiah nodded and reached into his shirt pocket. He pulled out a red velvet pouch.
"I got this in Denver. Nothing will ever be good enough or what she deserves. But I saved up and got her this ring." Jeremiah pulled out a silver band. The blue stone in the center had a Rose of Sharon on top. The ring was beautiful and more than Jimmy imagined. "I promise to make her happy. I promise to provide for her and any children we have. I promise to take care of her. As long as I live, I will love her and take care of her."
"I know you will Jeremiah. I am so very proud of the man you have grown up to be. You came here and took life by the reigns and made something of yourself. You have proven to be a good man. But most of all, you love my sister. You respect her." Jimmy had to stop talking to get control of his emotions. After several deep breaths, Jimmy spoke again. "I would be honored to have you marry my sister. When are you going to ask her?"
"New Years Eve. I want to meet with you and the others about where I can start building our home on the ranch. Thank you Jimmy." Jeremiah said. He got up and shook Jimmy's hand. He headed back to the ranch and went into the Big House. He found Lou cleaning up from breakfast.
"Hey Louise. Where's Buck?" Jeremiah said. He grabbed a muffin from the basket.
"Good morning Jeremiah. Where have you been this morning?" Louise asked. She sat down at the table with a cup of coffee and handed him one as well.
"I went to see Jimmy . . . at the jail." Jeremiah replied. He sipped the coffee. "Where's Buck?"
"Buck is in the barn I guess. He went out to start work like he always does. Why?" Louise asked.
"I need to talk to you and I would like Buck to be there. I'm going to get him." Jeremiah said as he jumped up. He ran down to the barn and found Ike and Buck about to rotate stock before lunch.
"Oh good. You are both here." Jeremiah said as he entered the barn.
"What's on your mind Jeremiah?" Ike asked.
"I need to talk to all the partners. I would prefer tonight if possible. Either before dinner or after. It's important." Jeremiah said to the men. Ike and Buck looked at each other.
"Is everything alright?" Buck asked.
"I hope so. I just need to talk to everyone. Please." Jeremiah said.
"Alright Jeremiah. We will all meet after supper tonight. In the Big House. Is that okay?" Buck spoke. Jeremiah nodded his head yes.
"Buck, I need to speak to you and Louise now if that's okay." Jeremiah said. Buck lifted his eyebrows in question. He nodded his head yes.
"Ike, would you let Teaspoon and Rachel know about tonight." Buck asked. Ike agreed and continued on with the rotation. Buck and Jeremiah headed back up to the Big House. Once Buck washed his hands, he came into the dining room. Louise handed him a cup of coffee and he leaned in to kiss her. He took a seat next to her and reached over to hold her hand.
"Alright Jeremiah. You asked to speak with me with Buck here. What's going on?" Louise asked. Jeremiah was sitting across from the couple. He pulled the ring out of his shirt pocket and held it in his hand.
"I went to speak with Jimmy this morning. I wanted to be respectful and . . . ask you Louise." Jeremiah said as he held the ring out to Louise. "I want to ask Lydia to marry me on New Years Eve. I would like your blessing to marry the only woman I will ever love."
Louise gasp and took the ring in her hand. She and Buck looked at the beautiful silver Rose of Sharon that laid on top in the blue stone. Buck smiled and Louise began to cry.
"Please don't cry Louise. I love Lydia more than anything. I promise to be good to her and make her happy." Jeremiah said. Louise wiped away her tears and took a deep breath.
"What did Jimmy say?" Louise asked.
"Jimmy gave me his blessing to marry Lydia. I was so happy I came right back over here to talk to you. I wanted Buck to be here to support you and because he's my brother too." Jeremiah said. Buck smiled and felt the lump of emotion in his throat.
"I would be honored to have Lydia as my sister. You did good Jeremiah. The ring is beautiful." Louise said as she stood up. She and Buck both walked around the table and hugged Jeremiah.
"Uhm, Louise, I requested to meet with all the partners tonight. Buck said we could all meet after supper here at the house. Is that alright?" Jeremiah asked.
"Of course. What's this about?" Louise asked with her eyes squinted. Buck shrugged his shoulders.
"You'll see." Jeremiah said as he went out to help with the stock.
"Buck Cross, what's going on?" Louise said rounding on her husband.
"I have no idea. He asked me and Ike in the barn before we came up here." Buck said. "If I had to guess, it's probably something to do with where they are going to live once they are married."
Louise nodded in understanding. She kissed Buck before he went back out to work. Louise busied herself with dinner preparations. Teresa made a couple of delicious buttermilk pies for dessert. After supper, the family waited for everyone to gather at the Big House. Ike and Emily were the first to arrive. Teaspoon and Rachel followed. Jimmy and Amanda were the last to show up. The families took their places around the table.
"All right. Jeremiah, you called us all here for a meeting. What's going on?" Teaspoon said. Jeremiah smiled as he stood up. Buck, Lou, and Jimmy all smiled at him.
"Ladies and gentlemen, my partners, my family. All of you know that Lydia and I have been courting for quite a while now. This morning, I asked Jimmy for his blessing to marry Lydia and he agreed." Jeremiah paused as the family cheered and clapped. Jeremiah was so happy. "I also asked Louise and she agreed as well. I asked you all here tonight because I would like to ask your permission. I would like to build a house here on the property for Lydia and I to start our family. With you all's permission of course."
"Where were you thinking of putting the house?" Ike asked.
"I really haven't thought about where. I figured you all could help me with that." Jeremiah said.
"Well, I guess we should let the cat out of the bag. We put in a bid for the one hundred acres that borders the west side. I found out today that we won the bid. We still managed to get one hell of a deal on that land. Now, how about we ride out in a few days and start laying out the house. Me, you, Ike, and Buck. How does that sound?" Jimmy asked.
"We won the bid! That's wonderful. Now we can expand." Buck said excitedly.
"Yep. And we paid for it outright, in full. So, no loan to worry about. That's what saving from all those auctions will do for ya!" Jimmy said. The family all cheered and was so excited for the expansion.
"Jimmy, I would like that a lot. If you guys would ride with me and help me pick out a spot." Jeremiah said. The family agreed and decided that in a few days they would take a ride and take a look.
New Years Eve arrived and the family all got together at the Main House. Louise and Buck had filed their marriage certificate and were now legally married. They all celebrated and enjoyed dinner and a few drinks. Right at midnight, Jeremiah grabbed Lydia's hand.
"Lydia, you are such an amazing lady. I fell in love with your beautiful soul. I don't deserve you, but I promise to make you the happiest lady in the world. As the New Year comes upon us, would you do me the great honor of becoming my wife?" Jeremiah said as he got down on one knee. He had the ring in his other hand. Lydia gasp and began crying.
"YES! YES! I will marry you! Oh my gosh! I can't believe it!" Lydia gushed. Jeremiah pulled out the ring. He put the ring on her ring finger of her left hand. He stood up and pulled her to him. He wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her passionately. Lydia put her arms around his neck and time stood still. The couple forgot where they were and who was with them. They kissed until several throats clearing brought them back to reality.
"Lydia, I am in no hurry. I want to finish our house first and take our time. We have the rest of our lives together." Jeremiah said to her softly.
"I would wait for you forever." Lydia replied. The families all finished the evening and headed for their houses. Lydia spent the night at Jimmy and Amanda's. Jeremiah escorted her over to the house.
The next few weeks went by in a blur. Buck took his morning coffee on the porch before going out to pray. He had made a commitment to go back to praying every morning. So, every morning he would have a cup of coffee and then go pray. When he returned usually Lou had breakfast ready.
The ranch continued to prosper. The boys had found a great site for Jeremiah's house and decided to wait until spring to start working on it. Everything was going very well for the families at The Bar PXF.
One morning in early February, Buck came downstairs. He got his usual morning coffee and went to go to the porch. He opened up the front door and took a deep breath. He took a long sip of his coffee. He went to take a step onto the porch when his foot ran into something. Buck looked down and saw a basket sitting in front of the door. He bent down and picked it up. He sat the basket on the table and went to move aside the blanket that was obviously covering something. He noticed an envelope on the side. He picked up the envelope and pulled out the letter.
Dearest Buck,
I hope this letter finds you well. I found out how to find you from Travis Burch. I hope you are happy and that Louise is treating you well. You deserve all the happiness in the world. You are a great, caring man.
A couple of months after you left, the saloon was bought out by a Mr. Ben Johnson. He told all of us that we now had to be working girls and any prior contracts or arrangements were null and void. That meant that the arrangement you had made was no longer valid. Because of you I had started saving to get out and move. Work in a dress shop maybe. That was just a dream though. I realized around the same time that I was pregnant. You have been the only man I have ever loved in any way, physically or emotionally. I knew that I could never raise your baby in that life. Your baby deserved better.
I left the saloon and Travis's sister, Valerie, and her husband, Layton, took me in and gave me a job helping Valerie. I went by the name of Cheyenne. I stayed with them for a few months. Mr. Johnson found me and tried to force me to come back. Travis paid him to stay away but he didn't. I left and headed this way to find you.
I had to stop in Fort Kearney. I worked for a lovely couple. Captain Mark Betten and his wife Kelly are amazing people. They took me in and never judged me. Mark and Kelly delivered the baby on Christmas Eve. A fine baby boy that looks just like his daddy. I have not named him as I wasn't sure until now what I needed to do. Mr. Johnson showed up in Fort Kearney looking for me. I couldn't risk the baby, Mark or Kelly. I packed up the baby and myself and we left.
I came straight here and dropped off the baby. He will never be safe as long as Mr. Johnson is after me. Please take care of him as he is your son. He is a good baby who doesn't cry or fuss too much. Don't worry about me. I am forever thankful and grateful for all you did for me.
I hope you can forgive me someday for not telling you or coming to you sooner. I never meant to get pregnant but I know he is a blessing not a curse. I hope one day I can return and see him. I know that you and Louise will raise him well. If you have any questions or needs, or if you decide not to raise him, please take him to Fort Kearney to Mark and Kelly or to Cheyenne to Valerie and Layton.
With Love and Affection,
Hannah Tucker
P.S. If anything should happen to me, please know it was Mr. Ben Johnson that either did it or made it happen.
Buck stood there, stunned. He couldn't believe this was happening. A soft sneeze from under the blanket brought him back to reality. He unfolded the blanket and looked at the small replica of himself. The baby was a beautiful bronzed color with soft features. His head was full of black hair. Buck was in awe. It was like his soul was now put back together. He realized that this had been what he was feeling. This was his son and they were connected. Buck folded the letter and put it back in the envelope. Tears fell from his eyes as he ran his finger gently across the baby's cheek. He was so full of emotion he didn't hear Louise come down the stairs.
"What's this?" Louise said as she finished pulling her hair up in a ponytail. Buck looked over at her. She could see he was crying. She became concerned. As she walked over to him, "Hey. Hey, what's wrong?"
Buck wiped his eyes and looked at Louise. She was getting nervous. Buck wasn't sure how to tell her this information. How would she take it? What would happen to them? He loved Louise more than anything, but now he had a son. What would happen now?
"Uhm . . . Louise. I . . . uh . . . found this basket on the porch this morning. And uhm . . ." Buck was trying to say.
"Oh for goodness sakes Buck." Louise said as she pulled the blanket off. She stopped suddenly as the sight before both excited, confused, angered, and terrified her all at the same time. There was a baby. In the basket. Who's baby was it? Why was it here? Why was Buck crying? "Buck, that's a baby."
"Yes Lou. Uhm, the baby. . . is . . ." Buck stopped and took a deep breath. "The baby is mine."
Lou jerked her head up and looked at him. She knew Buck would only ever tell the truth. She took a step back and put her hand over her mouth. She couldn't believe what she was hearing. Had he cheated on her? How? How was this possible?
"Louise, please. Just listen." Buck said. He went to take a step towards her. She just looked at him. Just then Jeremiah came barreling through the door.
"Buck, come quick! One of the mares is trying to foal early and it doesn't look good." Jeremiah said breathlessly. He ran back out and went back to the barn.
"I'll be right back. Please let's just talk about this." Buck said as he headed out the door. Louise took a few minutes to collect herself. She then went around the table and into the kitchen to start breakfast. After about 20 minutes, Teresa made her way down the stairs. She stopped at the basket and looked inside. She squealed when she saw the baby. She saw the envelope and picked it up. Teresa read the letter. She couldn't believe it. This was Buck's baby. The baby whimpered and began to stir.
Teresa picked up the baby and began to soothe him. He quickly calmed in her arms as she spoke softly to him. She saw the resemblance between Buck and the baby. A few minutes went by and Louise came out into the dining room. She wondered why Teresa hadn't come and helped her with breakfast. She hoped that Teresa wasn't getting sick. Louise stopped suddenly when she saw Teresa speaking softly to the baby.
"What are you doing Teresa?" Louise asked. Teresa turned around. Louise could now see the baby and instantly knew that the baby was Buck's. The baby was gorgeous. Louise was so torn in that instant. A part of her want to take the baby and love on him. The other part wanted to be mad and not touch the baby. She was supposed to give Buck his first child; his first son. Now, that was taken from her.
"I'm holding the baby Louise." Teresa said. She noticed the wheels in Lou's head turning. "Louise, don't. Don't you take this out on this baby. Buck obviously didn't know about this baby or he would have told you. You know that. Buck has never been anything but honest to all of us. Besides, this letter says it all. Now, I am going to make this little man a bottle." Teresa grabbed the bottle from the side of the basket and went to put milk in it. She came back through a few minutes later and went into the parlor. She sat down and began feeding the baby and softly singing a Kiowa lullaby. Louise just stood there with her mouth agape. She reached for the letter and read it. Her anger and jealousy quickly turned to sadness. Buck had missed out on even knowing about this baby until know. And this girl, Hannah, had no support except from the kind people she mentioned.
Louise folded the letter again and put it back in the basket. She went into the kitchen and dished up the breakfast. Teresa came around the corner as she was finishing and poured herself a glass of milk. Louise went to her sister and hugged her.
"When did you become so wise?" Louise asked her. Teresa smiled.
"I get it from you." Teresa answered with a smile. "Where is everyone?"
"Jeremiah came in earlier and said one of the mares was trying to foal early. It didn't look good. So Buck followed him back out." Louise explained as she sat two plates on the stove and Teresa grabbed the other two. The girl went and sat down in the dining room and ate breakfast. The baby was sleeping soundly in his basket.
Teresa and Louise discussed working on some mending that day. Louise was still unsure about the baby but she wouldn't hold anything against the baby. She still needed to figure out what this meant between her husband and her.
About two hours later, Buck and Jeremiah both came in. Teresa ran upstairs to get them more clothes while Lou put some water on to heat up. Both men were covered with blood and dirt. Louise pulled out the small wash tub so they could at least bathe off. They men went into the mud room and bathed off and changed clothes. They came back out and went to the table where Teresa had put their plates and cups of coffee.
"Where's. . ." Buck began to ask. He then heard a cry. When he went to go to the baby, Teresa came around the corner holding him. She went into the kitchen and fixed him another bottle and come back out. She sat down at the table with the men and began feeding the baby. Louise sat down as well. Buck watched with admiration and love.
"So. . . what happened?" Louise asked. Jeremiah was still looking at his sister holding the baby. Buck looked over at Lou.
"We lost them both. It looks like the foal may not have developed right and that's what caused the miscarriage. We tried everything but there was nothing we could do." Buck said. He started eating his breakfast. Louise nodded her head in understanding.
"Okay, so is anyone going to tell me where the baby came from?" Jeremiah asked between forks of food.
"Well, Jeremiah, when a man and a woman love each other . . ." Teresa began. Buck spit out his coffee and Louise had to stifle a laugh.
"I KNOW THAT PART!" Jeremiah said. Louise now spit out her coffee and Buck just looked at him. "What. I know what happens behind closed doors."
"It better not be with Lydia Hickok if you want to live to see your wedding day." Louise said with a harsh tone.
"What Jimmy doesn't know won't hurt him." Jeremiah said. Louise, Buck and Teresa all got wide eyed. "I'M KIDDING! Gosh! I told you before Louise, knowing and doing are two different things. We are just fine with the way things are. We are waiting and that's that. I mean who's baby is this?"
"He's my baby." Buck said. Jeremiah looked at him and for a few moments the fire of anger flew through his eyes. Buck and Louise both noted the anger. "Jeremiah, your sister and I were not together when this baby was conceived. I would never hurt your sister like that."
Jeremiah softened. He knew that. The thought of Louise having to go through something else just bothered him so badly. She deserved happiness. Louise also softened at his words. Teresa burped the baby and then took him back into the parlor. She laid him down again in his basket and went back to help clean the dishes.
"Thank you Teresa for taking care of him. Louise, can we talk now." Buck asked. Jeremiah took his cue to leave and got up. He grabbed his hat and gun belt and headed out the door. Teresa finished up the dishes. Buck and Louise were still sitting at the table. Neither had spoken a word. Teresa told them she would take the baby upstairs and work on some mending. Buck thanked her again.
"Louise, I'm sorry. I didn't know. I can't imagine how you feel right now." Buck said slowly. Louise continued to look into her coffee cup. He reached over to take her hand. She allowed him to touch her hand but not hold it. "I told you about the girl I was with in Cheyenne. I told you that I didn't even know her name. I had no idea. . ."
"Did you love her?" Louise interrupted. Buck was shocked. Didn't she know that already.
"No. No, I did not love her. I have only loved you. She helped me to think things through. She was a great friend. We were intimate but not all the time and that wasn't the only thing between us. She and I became friends." Buck answered.
"Are you going to leave? Leave me and go be with her. Raise your son and have a happy life with her." Louise asked. The tears and anger and sadness not being held back anymore.
"No. I will not leave you. You are the one. My everything. I want to know my son and help raise him. I would like you to be by my side for that. I understand that this is a lot to take in. Hell, I don't know if I even understand it yet." Buck replied.
"I'm sorry to interrupt but someone is awake." Teresa said as she rounded the corner. She handed the baby to Buck who looked down into those hazel eyes. The only feature like mother. The baby cooed and awed at Buck. "I know this is between the two of you, but the way I see it is nothing has changed. No one has done anything wrong. And now, we have another member of the family. I love you little man."
Teresa walked off and went outside. Louise looked over at Buck. Buck was looking at her. She knew Teresa was right. She also knew it would take a little time to fully accept things. Louise got up and went on about her day. She fixed herself some lunch and Buck a light snack since he had breakfast late. Buck spent the day with his son. After dinner, Lou and Buck sat on the settee together. The baby in his basket at their feet. The pair had been silent most of the day. Buck not sure what to do to prove to Lou that he wasn't going to leave her; Louise not knowing if Buck was going to leave her.
They went to bed and Buck brought the basket with them. He knew he was going to have to make a crib and basinet. The baby couldn't live in the basket. They baby was good and only woke once during the night. Buck went and made the bottle and fed his son. After putting him back to bed, he crawled back into bed and snuggled up next to Lou.
The next morning, Buck was enjoying his coffee again. He had brought the baby with him downstairs. Louise and Teresa came down while Buck was feeding the baby. Suddenly, Jimmy came busting though the door.
"Buck, we need. . .what's this?" Jimmy said.
"It's my son. What's going on Jimmy. It was Jeremiah busting through the door yesterday and you today." Buck asked. Teresa came and took the baby from Buck.
"Well, we need you to help us. A woman was found dead just outside town." Jimmy said. Buck shook his head. He told Lou to be on alert. He went and got his gun belt and hat. The pair told Jeremiah and Ike as well. Teaspoon met them at the Marshal's office. They all rode out to where the girl was. They dismounted and tethered their horses. Teaspoon had driven the wagon out.
"She's not from around here. We don't know who she is." Teaspoon explained. The men came up on the body. The woman was beaten almost beyond recognition. Her arms were tied behind her. Her legs had been broken also. Her clothes were torn and tattered and she had obviously been raped and assaulted.
Buck began to survey the scene. He noted and relayed his findings of a strange shoe mark from a horse. It appeared to Buck to be three horses. She was just dumped there after they killed her. There was no blood to indicate she had died there.
They loaded her up onto the wagon. Once at the undertaker's office, Teaspoon let him know to call them when he got her cleaned up so they could see her face. The trio went back to the Marshal's office to write a report of the findings. They wrote out everything they had found. After a couple of hours, the undertaker came over and announced that he was finished and they could observe the body now. They walked back over to the undertakers office and went to the back. Buck gasp.
"Hannah. Oh my God!" Buck said. He went over to her side and picked up her hand. He couldn't believe this had happened. He wanted to talk with her one more time. To tell her thank you for bringing him his son. Thank you for her kindness, understanding and caring. Thank you for the hours of just listening to him talk and spill his heart out.
"Buck. Do you know this woman?" Teaspoon asked softly.
"Yes. She is from Cheyenne. I met her when I lived there. She was a barmaid in the saloon. We had . . . an arrangement. I didn't know her name until yesterday. She. . . her name is . . . Hannah. Hannah Tucker." Buck said.
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