Chapter 12: The Conversation

Fred was nervous. So was I. We stood uncomfortably together in his backyard. Betty and Wilma watched us through the curtains covering my back window. Fred grandly lifted his arms into the air and shouted "GAZOO!"

Gazoo was suddenly there. Right there. Solid. Visible. I swallowed hard. "Greetings, Dum Dum. I am the Great Gazoo."

He had a deep but somewhat nasally voice. I made a note to investigate the length and thickness of his vocal folds, if I ever got a chance to do an autopsy. This aggressive thought granted me a cold, calm mastery over myself. Showtime.

I bowed, because why not. "Greetings, mighty Gazoo. I am Barney Rubble. Fred tells me you are from a planet in our future. If I may ask...?"

Gazoo grinned unreadably. "Yes?"

"Great Gazoo, are we in danger? You may have introduced not just alien bacteria, but extensively EVOLVED alien bacteria, onto our planet. Have we been infected with pathogens from the future?"

Gazoo looked bemused. "What a completely rational concern. I never imagined that anyone would hear my fib about being a time traveller and immediately worry that I hadn't washed my hands after using the toilet."

Sharding Yabba. The time travel is a lie?

Gazoo floated down and looked me in the eyes. "I promise that I carry no bacteria not native to this planet, in this time. It is more accurate to say that while my mind still exists in my own future body, this avatar body you see is created from the substance of your world. The two spacetimes exist side-by-side and I am in both bodies simultaneously. It's telepresence, not travel. Yes, I am from a planet in the future. No, I did not travel here from the future."

Shards. What did Gazoo mean by "telepresence"? Is the brain capable of controlling two bodies at the same time? Perhaps it is like driving a car. The car simply becomes an extension of the body, propelled by our two feet, steered by our two hands.

I suddenly realized the implications. Gazoo created a weapon that can destroy the universe. How is such a weapon practical? Is it not a suicide weapon? No. It is not. Not if your mind exists in two "spacetimes" side-by-side. You simply detonate the weapon and step to one side. One universe ends. The other continues. Madness.

"Great Gazoo, why are you here? Is it your intention to enslave us?" His answer was irrelevant, but it would be suspicious if I didn't ask.

"No." Gazoo continued to meet my gaze. "I promise."

Yeah, right.

"Barney Rubble." Gazoo continued. "Your magic show on 'The Happy Housewife' was ... very interesting. Please explain why you costumed yourself to resemble my avatar."

He calls his body in this spacetime his "avatar". He is suspicious of Fred. Time to take a risk. Gazoo was not the only liar in this backyard. "I had a very intense dream of a floating green leprechaun wearing a helmet with antennae. The leprechaun was doing the most admirable magic. This inspired me to BECOME the leprechaun. I have to imagine you somehow sent me the dream. Thank you."

Gazoo was silent. I glanced at the nearby sundial. About five minutes passed before Gazoo spoke again. Shards. Was Gazoo a rationalist from the future, or was it just a coincidence?

"I know of no way that my presence here would cause you to dream about me, but I must admit that many things are happening in this simulation iteration that I can't easily explain. It may be that your elevated intelligence settings are giving you superhuman abilities. I should probably warn my jailers about you, but for reasons of my own, I don't think I will. I am, after all, already a criminal. I badly want to see what happens next."