Hi Readers,
Now we catch up with Luthien. She's all grown up and looking into her past. I'd like to thank the reviewer for suggested her name in our world, it fit perfectly and I decided to go with it.
-Edith
On the occasion of his sixty-fifth birthday, David Johnson stood in his office and reminisced about the years gone by. He walked slowly past the wall of shelves, on which stood reminders of a life well lived so far. Lovingly, he traced his fingers along the frame capturing his beloved wife. He sighed heavily and furrowed his eyebrows in sadness, he had never gotten used to thinking of her in the past tense. Elizabeth Johnson lived her life with vigor and joy every day. She had loved being a mother and seeing their children through life. Though she could not bear the second child they had wanted, her sadness had been erased the moment their daughter came home. David angered at the unfairness that his wife had so little time with their children. Five years after bringing their second child home, Elizabeth's leukemia relapsed. There was no chemotherapy that could save her this time. She succumbed to the illness quickly, her only regret that she would not see her children grew up. David remembered his grief had been vast and felt limitless, until he realized he was the only parent the children had left and Elizabeth would expect he pull himself together and take care of them. He did the best he could, he thought to himself, and Elizabeth would be proud of the results.
For a man of many professional accomplishments, the momentos on his office wall were overwhelmingly personal. David Johnson was a man who prided himself on putting his family first. Instead of diplomas and awards on his wall, he had chosen to surround himself with reminders of the family that was most valuable to him. When his eyes finally left the portrait of his wife, he found himself moving towards a photo of his two children. With that, he beamed. He had tried his best to give them every opportunity, and to his relief both his children were successful and well adapted.
Chuckling to himself, he remembered the good times and hard times. When Elizabeth was alive, she attended every dance recital, musical performance, sports practice, PTA meeting, and the list went on. Thoughtful and attentive, she knew how to be the kind of mother each child needed. She made sure their son was kind, thought of others, but a strong leader – skills he would need to take over the family business one day. For their daughter, she encouraged independence and ambition, so she could pursue any career she chose. The Johnsons made sure both kids were well educated and mannered. Things had nearly gone off track with Elizabeth's death but David made every effort to step into their mother's shoes.
It had been easier to raise their son, David understood boys and Robert shared many of his father's talents and hobbies. Their daughter was more of a challenge, raising a girl was more difficult than orchestrating a corporate takeover. At times it had been difficult, as David recalled the tantrums undoubtedly any teenage girl threw when her father forbade her to date. Other times were awkward, as memories of attending girl scout meetings and prom dress shopping surfaced. Mostly, it was joyful. Both his children brought the light back into his life after his wife's untimely death and ultimately saved him from his sorrow.
Robert, now in his thirties, graduated from the business school that all Johnson men attended. Since David was still directing the family business, Robert chose to work externally. When the time comes to take over the family's business interests, he will have a breadth of business experience with him. For now, he was the newest partner at an international accounting firm. His current contribution to the family business was co-chairman on the family's charitable foundation.
Lauren was equally accomplished. They had chosen the name as a family, after Elizabeth's mother, a way to tie the infant into the family's roots. Lauren Alexandra Johnson, she had been theirs the moment she was brought to earth, never knowing any other family or home. The parents had agonized whether to tell her that she was not biologically theirs. How do you explain adoption to a child, even without the fantastical details that uniquely complicated hers? David had been staunchly against it. Lauren would likely never return to Middle Earth (not if he could help it); they were the only family she had this side of the portal. She could be perfectly content living her entire life as a Johnson, none the wiser. Elizabeth had argued that to deny their daughter the truth would be unfair. The sacrifice of her birth family should be acknowledged because they so obviously loved her and gave her up only because they had no choice. Robert had sided with his father, not wanting anything to disrupt their perfectly happy nuclear family.
In the end, the family settled upon telling Lauren she was adopted and that meeting her birth family was not possible. David, with tears in his eyes, had begged his wife not to say anything more. Elizabeth, seeing the hurt he would feel if there was even a possibility his little girl could reject him, relented. They gave no other details and Lauren never asked for more. To David, Lauren was a Johnson to the core. She had been passed on the family heirlooms and traditions. She seemed contented with the only family she had ever known and had no desire to look for anything more. They had told her that though she did not come from their blood, she came from their hearts. Afterwards, they carried on as usual and the topic was more or less forgotten.
David was snapped out of his reverie by the sound of the doorbell. Robert, probably. He was anticipating the arrival of both his children and his niece and nephew Julia and George with whom his children had grown up with. The chief operating officer of the family firm was also expected. Michael Wilson's family has been connected to the Johnsons for generations. He was like a brother to Robert, the two having gone to school together and were the same age. David owed Michael tremendous gratitude; Michael's family had always been beside the Johnsons.
David opened the door to the Johnsons' country retreat to find his son standing with his luggage for the long weekend stay.
"Hi Dad, anyone else here yet?" Robert asked.
David embraced his son with warmth. "No, you're early for a change. No one else will be here for a couple of hours. Lauren's running a bit late, held up at work. We have the afternoon to catch up."
"Good, we have a lot to catch up on."
At that moment, Lauren Johnson was throwing her long weekend bags into the trunk of her car haphazardly – she had planned to leave half an hour ago. She grunted in frustration as she ran back into her condo for her forgotten gym bag. An avid runner and tennis player, she was definitely looking forward to taking advantage of the country house's trails and tennis court. At last, she settled behind the wheel of her luxury car. She was actually looking forward to the 3 hour drive, a chance to mull things over in her mind.
As she finally turned onto the highway, she sighed. She was in an interesting space, being both content and restless. Unusually, she was feeling very settled in her professional life. It was something in her personal life that was nagging her. Lauren had gone to law school and clerked for a supreme court justice. Having majored in economics as an undergraduate, she made the natural choice of taking a job in corporate law. Fluency in four languages, tact, ambition and confidence saw her rise in the ranks quickly. She had been well on her way to becoming a partner at the firm until she had felt a need for change in her career path. Recently, Lauren had become dissatisfied with corporate life, an endless stream of travelling, meetings, mergers and takeovers. She reconnected with a professor from law school who taught human rights law at an alumni evening and was reminded of the reason why she pursed law. In what she thought was the bravest act of her professional life, she resigned from the corporation and went to work for a non profit human rights law firm and also took the position of co-chair of the family foundation. She recognized that her tremendous privilege in life allowed her this career change – the pay cut was enormous, but she wasn't short of money. Her corporate and family connections proved useful, her name brought attention and funding to her causes. If only more people like her worked in the non profit sector.
Her particular area of focus at the non profit was women and children's issues. She enjoyed the work and found it rewarding. It was also a cause her late mother championed and many still remembered Elizabeth Johnson's tireless efforts to improve girls' access to education around the world. Working in the area, defending clients who had suffered injustice due to their gender made her feel closer to her mother. She pursued it doggedly, bringing the cause into the Johnson Family Foundation's fundraising efforts.
Lauren's father and brother had been overjoyed when she decided to join the Family Foundation as Robert's co chair. She had previously resisted it, disliking the endless fundraising galas that inevitably came with the role. Her family had been hurt by this decision, seeing it as Lauren's way of delineating herself apart from them, a reminder that she wasn't a Johnson by blood. They had desperately wanted her to be one of them, and made every effort to ensure no one could say she was any different. Lauren finally acquiesced because it helped advance her work at the non profit. The Johnson Family Foundation was a fundraising behemoth. Rich and powerful people attended its galas, and Lauren found that on occasion she has had to call in a favor for the benefit of her clients. It was worth being charming and currying favor at the events.
Ironically, it was something that occurred at one of the recent Foundation galas that was causing Lauren's restlessness. The event was to raise funds to enable the non profit law firm she worked for to endow a center for children affected by conflict around the globe. Specifically, to reunite children lost in the confusion of war with their families. The evening had started innocuously enough. She was co-hosting with her brother Robert, who was busied charming the guests out of sizeable donations. Robert had a way with people, a Johnson family trait. Probably one of the reasons why the family's been so successful, she had thought to herself.
To her delight, her father's right-hand man and Robert's best friend Michael Wilson had attended too. "How typical of Robert, to be surrounded by all those women" he had whispered in her ear as he walked up to her, handsomely groomed in a tuxedo.
Surprised to see Michael, who usually skipped galas in favor of working, she joked "too bad he's too much of a gentleman to do anything about it." With that she hugged Michael. The familiar scent of his cologne relaxed her immediately. She had known Michael her whole life. When she was younger, she had idolized her brother's best friend. Michael always made time for her, listened to her, asked her for her opinion about the things that mattered to her. He was one of very few non family members who knew of her adoption. She had secretly admired him as an awkward teenager gawking at her brother's friend during their weekend visits home from College.
As Lauren made her way into adulthood, Michael was always there. Trustworthy, supportive, protective, not to mention handsome. Lauren remembered how her college friends had enthusiastically visited Michael most weekends at the dorm he shared with her brother while they were in business school. Both men were subjects of her friends' adulation. In her early twenties, she had confessed her lifelong crush for him during a drunken college party. He had taken both her hands and rebuffed her gently. "Oh Lauren, you have so much more living to do before you settle for someone like me" he had murmured. When she insisted she had loved him his whole life, he had gotten down on one knee and promised to marry her if she truly couldn't find anyone else and would otherwise die alone – but he had insisted she really had to try.
The next morning, as Lauren was nursing the worst hangover of all time, she turned beet red when Michael joined Robert in meeting her for lunch. He made no mention of her silly declaration the night before and it in no way changed their relationship. She had always thought his words were not a direct rejection, for she felt he cared for her much more than he may have let on.
"Your mother always championed girls issues, she'd be proud you're carrying it on" his voice filled with warmth, as he kissed her on both cheeks in a proper greeting."
"I'm surprised to see you here" Lauren noted.
"Ah, Robert thought he might need a little extra help with the persuading" Michael smiled. Of course her brother Robert could see Michael's charm and good looks as an advantage when they made a fundraising push.
The highlight of the evening was a young woman sharing her story of becoming lost from her family during her country's civil war. In a camp far away from home, a charity had registered her as a child refugee. The work of volunteer lawyers at a non profit law firm had traced her family as having registered as displaced peoples at another camp across several borders. Their reunion on the tarmac of an international peacekeeping force's airport was bittersweet, for the woman's brother remained missing. The need for work such as that of Lauren's law firm grew with each conflict.
Lauren stood at the back of the room beside Robert and Michael. The story unexpectedly moved her on a deep level, something she thought she had buried long ago. The desire to know where and from whom one come from is a universal human trait. Lauren had a perfect family, one that she loved and knew she was so lucky to have. She had never let them know she had thought of any other family. But in truth, as she got older she had wondered about her birth family, and why she had been given up for adoption.
Her [adoptive] parents had not given her any information about her adoption; her brother was also a closed vault even though she could sense he knew the circumstances just as well. Lauren didn't like to use the term adoptive parents; she was a Johnson and the people who adopted her were her parents. It seemed to Lauren that her parents and her brother were all in the know. As a lawyer, Lauren had surmised that her adoption had been a closed one – meaning the birth parent or parents did not want contact with her. A clean break was also what the adoptive family seemed to have wanted. Her parents had told her finding and meeting her birth family was not possible. Lauren had often wondered whether it was truly not possible or not desired.
As the gala audience applauded the young woman on stage at the end of her speech, Lauren found a tear had a trickled onto her cheek. She had been too entranced in her own thoughts to realize she had been moved to tears. As subtly as possible, she wiped the tear away and joined in applause. Lauren's reaction did not escape either Robert nor Michael. Neither reacted in the moment. Robert took Lauren by the arm and walked her to the stage to thank the audience for their contributions and closed the evening.
At the end of the night when all the guests had left and the event staff where busied folding away table cloths and stacking chairs, the three of them stood at the bar and toasted a successful event.
"You were quite moved by the speaker Lauren" Michael broached the topic. Lauren felt Robert's gaze joining his upon her. There was a weighted silence as they waited for Lauren's response.
"She lost her family, her brother's still missing. I can, on some level, relate to being lost from family. I mean, I've never known where I came from." She opened uncharacteristically, she did not recall any other time she had discussed this topic.
"It doesn't matter who you're related to, it matters who raised you." Robert said defensively. Michael laid a hand on his best friend's shoulder, easing him.
"I know that. I'm grateful, I know I'm lucky. I just – want to know who they are, my birth parents, and why they gave me up. I just want to know, I don't really need a relationship with them, just an explanation. Otherwise, it's like a part of me is missing" Lauren began. She paused, took a breath, and added "and I've looked."
"You what!" Robert exclaimed. He was furious Lauren had kept this from him – they shared everything. He could feel Michael squeezing his shoulder now, warning him to calm down. If only Michael knew what the stakes were, he'd understand why the usually mild mannered Robert was so emotional. Lauren's past was so complicated.
"Mom and Dad, and you never gave me any information. I'm a lawyer, so I looked" Lauren countered.
"And what did you find?" Robert asked unsteadily, unsure if he wanted the answer.
"Nothing. Mom and Dad used the top adoption law firm in the country. They must've paid all the legal fees. The records are sealed. Permanently. It's incredibly rare that happens Robert. Whatever the adoption circumstances were, both parties made sure no one would ever find out. I even petitioned the court, as the adoptee, to unseal the records and got nowhere. It's ironclad. The birth parents don't want to be found. They obviously don't want anything to do with me." Lauren said, betraying a hint of anger. She'd known for several months now and it had infuriated her. Whomever these people were, they had abandoned their child and then denied her any opportunity to learn about her past. They were despicable she had decided. But it had only hardened her resolve to solve the mystery.
"You should let it go. You have a perfectly good family. Mom and Dad, we love you, we wanted you." Robert said in a softened tone. He was relieved and privately thanked his father's lawyers, and reminded himself to throw some more work their way.
"Let it go? Easy for you to say" Lauren clipped, before walking out of the ballroom. She was angry with her brother, it rarely happened but she didn't want to look at him. He looked like their parents, dark brown hair and brown eyes. Her light skin, blond hair and blue eyes were an outlier in the family. Robert didn't follow her, she was thankful. She was already beginning to regret her tone with him but she wasn't ready to apologize just yet.
As she waited impatiently for the valet to retrieve her car, she heard Michael's voice calling out to her.
"Lauren, wait!" he called breathlessly as he jogged to her. Lauren really didn't want to deal with him either.
"Can I take you home?" He asked easily.
"I'm waiting for my car Michael." Lauren said curtly.
"Yea, you can drive me to you building and after I've made sure you got home, I'll walk to my building, it's only a block away" he spoke naturally, as if that were obvious.
"You don't need to see me home, I'm driving." Lauren said again, trying to drive her point home.
"Come on, let me bum a ride" Michael asked playfully.
"I don't want to talk about what just happened Michael. I'm mortified you were there to hear it all" Lauren said emphatically.
"It's just a ride Lauren." She knew it wasn't. She knew he wanted to talk to her about it. But Michael was charmingly persuasive and it seemed he really had no other way home.
"Get in" she motioned when the valet arrived with her car. He flashed her a dimpled smile, tipped the valet generously and slid into the passenger seat.
She had not regretted her decision. Michael was on her side. He told her she deserved to know who her birth family were, just for the sake of knowing, just to be able to put it to rest. It didn't mean she loved her family any less, he had soothed. Of course, he'd understood her. And when she had arrived at her building, he walked her to her door, and kissed her on both cheeks goodnight. She had leaned in, hoping for something more, but he took her hands and raised them in between their faces and kissed them. "More living to do, Lauren" he had reminded her. And then having seen her home, he did as he promised and went home.
The beeping of the fuel monitor on her car indicated she should take the exit to gas up at the stop that was quickly approaching. As she waited at the pump for her tank to fill, she mulled over the conversation with Robert the night of the gala. She had felt guilty the next morning. She had texted her brother, told him she loved him and wished things to be right between them. He had agreed their disagreement was over. Yet she still felt guilty, because she had kept something from him.
It was true that her petition to the court to unseal the adoption records had been denied. She had to give her father credit for going through extraordinary lengths to keep them private at her birth parents' request. From the failed petition, she was able to learn the court file number and the name of the judge who had handled the adoption. She had chuckled when she saw that her father had gone to a supreme court judge who was a family friend, to complete the routine adoption paperwork. Undoubtedly, this had been done to limit the number of people outside the family's network who knew about the adoption. Unfortunately, because the judge would go on to become a supreme court justice, all his decisions and associated legal paperwork would be preserved and scanned into the supreme court electronic database. This included Lauren's adoption paperwork. She still had access from her days clerking at the supreme court.
A couple of nights ago, after a glass of wine, Lauren had sat down and with trembling fingers logged into the database. She swallowed as the file number was retrieved and downloaded. Then she took a deep breath, clicked to open the file and began to read.