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Chapter 14: Anger and frustration.

Rodney stormed out of the jumper and headed straight to his lab. Teyla had explained in the jumper what Chaya had told her and he wasn't happy. He knew that he needed to try and find something that could help Sheppard and he needed to find it quickly. He couldn't imagine what would happen if Sheppard had to leave Atlantis, because he'd lost the use of his hands.

Arriving in his lab he found Radek poring over the data base. Walking around behind Radek he looked over his shoulder, "what are you looking at Radek?"

Radek actually jumped in surprise, "Rodney I wasn't expecting you back so soon. What happened, will Chaya help us?"

"Yes and no." He answered cryptically

"What does that mean? Will she help us of not?" Radek asked him a confused look crossing his face.

Rodney felt his anger rising, "she will talk to the ancients about the ascended Wraith and wraith worshippers, but she refuses to help heal Sheppard!"

"Well we need to find an artefact that can heal nerves then." Radek told him softly.

Rodney nodded and sat down; he opened his laptop and started to work. He knew that he probably needed sleep, but there was absolutely no way that he was going to bed until he had found a way to help Sheppard.

His thoughts were interrupted a few minutes later by Radek, "do you know why the beings were unable to live in the cave after they came out of our people? They had existed in that cave for thousands of years without corporeal form before we came."

"The device we used had a two-fold purpose. Number one it was supposed to force the ascended beings out of the humans and number two it was supposed to kill them." Rodney explained not looking up from his laptop.

"If they had inhabited other beings in the past, how did they end up in the caves again?"

"Now that is a very good question Radek and one I haven't found an answer for as yet. Maybe we will find one along the way, but for now I intend to look for a way to help Sheppard."

"Fair enough," Radek said as he run his hands through his unruly hair and looked down at his computer again.

A few minutes later Rodney looked up to find that Radek was leaving the lab, "just where do you think you are going? We still have a lot of work to do."

"You need to eat, because of your hypoglycaemia, so I thought that I would get some sandwiches and make you some coffee."

"Thanks Radek, you're a good friend."

He watched as his little friend left the lab and then he settled back down to work. He hoped that Radek would keep the coffee coming, because it was going to be a very long night.

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Teyla watched as Rodney stormed out of the jumper bay. She thought that maybe she should go after him, but very quickly changed her mind, thinking that he probably needed to be alone. She considered heading to her own room and sleeping, but she knew that she should head down to the infirmary to sit with John, looking at Lorne and Ronan she asked, "Can you please fill Mr Woolsey in? I really have to go and see John."

They both nodded at her and she hurried away to the infirmary having no idea how she was going to tell John what had just transpired on Proculus.

Arriving at the ICU a few minutes later she found that Carson was sitting with him.

"How is he Doctor Beckett?"

"He is feeling a wee bit depressed and I fear that his injuries may not heal as fast as I would like because of it. Do you have any news?"

"Yes Chaya has agreed to talk to the ancients about our ascended Wraith problem, but she refuses to heal John."

At that moment they heard John speak from the bed, "great, so chances are I'm going to be stuck without the use of my hands for the rest of my frigging life."

"Now we don't know if that is true or not. In a couple of days when your hands have healed a little more, we will know for sure." Carson told him in a soothing tone.

"Sure Doctor Beckett, I will believe it when I see it!" John answered him with an angry tone.

Teyla could sense an argument coming on and she knew that she needed to defuse the situation fast. It wouldn't do John any good to get angry at the moment.

"Carson can you leave John and I alone for a while?"

"Aye lassie let me take his vitals first and give him some pain medication."

John started to rant, "I am fine Doctor Beckett and I don't need any pain medication, because my hands are still numb! And don't worry about the pain in my legs, because if I can feel the pain at least I know that they are going to be okay!"

"Okay Laddie let me know if you need anything and I'll be back later."

Teyla made sure that Carson had left before she spoke to John, "what was that all about. I thought you were rather rude to Carson and you need to apologise." She told him firmly.

"Why, I don't want his sympathy, I don't want anyone's sympathy. I really just want to be left alone."

"Well John Sheppard, you will not get rid of me so easily, because I intend to sit with you until Ronan shows up in a few hours to watch over you."

"Why?" he asked her while still staring at the ceiling.

That word had a lot of meaning, if he couldn't understand why his friends held a constant vigil around his bedside whenever he was injured; there was no hope for him. Perhaps this was the right time to tell him how she felt about him, maybe it may cheer him up a little.

"Because I love you John and you may not want to hear it right now, but I love you more than just a friend. My relationship with Kanaan is over, because I love another and that person is you."

He just stared at her blankly, "I really don't know what to do with that information right now, so maybe you should leave and go spend some time with your son."

Teyla was so shocked by his response that she stood up and walked out of the room. She always suspected that he felt the same way about her. Okay he was hurting in more ways than one right now, but that was no excuse to treat her like that.

She walked into Carson's office on the way out to have a word with him, "Carson I fear that he is in a really bad place right now, can you do anything to help him?"

*"I think I'll ask Dr Robison check in on him, but for now I think I'll give him a dose of morphine. He is obviously still in a lot of pain and perhaps he needs to sleep for a few more days."

"Thank you Carson and goodnight. I'm going to pick Torren up from Jennifer and then I'm going to my quarters to try and sleep. Although I don't think I will be able to sleep much at the moment."

"Goodnight Teyla and don't worry about John, I'll go in and see him in a moment."

She nodded and walked out of his office heading to Jennifer's quarters to retrieve her son and spend a few hours with him. She would go back and see John eventually, but right now she was just too angry with him.

She was almost to her quarters after picking up Torren when she ran into Ronan.

"Aren't you supposed to be sitting with Sheppard?" He asked, taking Torren off her and giving him a cuddle.

"Yes I am, but Colonel Sheppard is in a bad mood at the moment and told me to go and see Torren. I feel that he wants to be alone to wallow in his own self-pity. I think that is the saying I am looking for."

"What did he say do you?" Ronan asked her with a look of concern.

"I expressed my feelings for him and said that he doesn't really know what to do with that piece of information right now."

"Don't worry, I will go and talk to him." He told her handing Torren to her and pulling her in for a hug.

"Thank you Ronan and goodnight. For now I think I will go to bed for a few hours."

"Goodnight Teyla." Ronan said walking away.

She watched as Ronan left and then finally headed for her quarters for some rest.

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John lay in bed staring at the ceiling, he was glad that Teyla had gone and left him alone, but he didn't like being angry with her. He definitely felt the same way about her as she did about him, but now wasn't the time for them to pursue a relationship. Right now his future was uncertain and he didn't even know if he would regain the use of his hands anytime in the foreseeable future.

He closed his eyes again and was thinking of having another sleep when he heard someone enter the room. The last thing he needed right now was another visitor.

"Whoever you are I don't want to see you right now." He grumbled at his guest.

"Well I am here and you're going to talk to me whether you like it or not." Ronan told him forcefully.

He sighed and turned his head to face Ronan. He knew that Ronan wasn't likely to go away in a hurry, so he thought that he would play nice. Maybe he'll go away quicker if I talk to him.

He looked at him with indifference as he spoke, "what can I do for you Ronan?"

"You can stop being a baby for a start," Ronan told him forcefully.

John's eyes flashed with anger. "Did you just call me a baby?"

"You're acting like one, so yeah. Do you have any idea how upset Teyla was when I saw her right now. She expressed her feelings for you and all you could do was tell her to go away. Why would you do that? I know that you feel the same way about her."

"Yeah well I don't want her to be stuck with an invalid for the rest of her life." John told him with distress.

"Isn't that her choice to make and besides you don't even know that there is nerve damage."

John had had about enough by this time and he spoke to Ronan with a cold controlled anger. "Well if there is it's your fault, so why don't you just leave me alone and get out of my face!"

He glared at Ronan and Ronan glared back, before he turned around and stormed out of the room leaving John seething in anger. When Carson came in a few minutes later he told him to get out and to leave him alone.

John knew that it was only early days and Carson hadn't had a chance to perform any tests on his hands, but he still didn't have any feeling in them and things didn't seem to be improving. He was afraid of losing everything and everyone that he loved, so he was trying to push them away. Mission accomplished, he thought as he closed his eyes and fell into an exhausted sleep.

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Two days after their visit to Proculus Teyla was sitting in Woolsey's office along with Woolsey, Rodney, Carson and Ronan. John's mood hadn't improved and neither had his hands. Chaya had been strangely silent as well.

Teyla had actually called them all into Woolsey's office to discuss John and his moods; she also had an idea for helping him.

Woolsey spoke first, "Carson can you give us an update on Colonel Sheppard's condition?"

"He is still in a lot of pain, but his lung has healed nicely and his legs are healing, but he still has no feeling in his hands. The longer it goes on the more likely it is that he has nerve damage and he will never have full use of them. I have performed some tests and they are inconclusive at this stage." Carson explained.

"Rodney, have you found anything that can help Colonel Sheppard?" Woolsey asked with interest.

Rodney was despondent as he answered, "no, absolutely nothing."

Woolsey looked around the room until his eyes focused on Teyla, "okay Teyla, you said you have an idea to help Colonel Sheppard, let's hear it?"

"I want to go and see Chaya again, I'm going to try and convince her to help heal John."

Rodney's eyes narrowed as he questioned her. "Why would you do that, she's already told us she won't, because to do so would be interference in the affairs of humans."

"Well I will appeal her decision, because in reality John is a descendant of the ancients, therefore he is one of their kind."

TBC…