I wasn't asleep or awake, maybe somewhere in between. Beneath halves of walnut shells, I felt like my eyes have been switched, back and forth, in the slight fingers of a confidence man. So for all these years I have had to cheat to see.
The Sky was softly frozen, beating down soft rain that dripped down my cheeks. They were noble tears, tears which, fallen, from melted silver, the tears which convert the frail girl to a saint of silver.
She was in front of me, staring at me as I began to walk towards her, my footsteps in these shallow ocean pools began to make me sink as I tried my best to reach her.
She smiled at me, her porcelain skin eerily matching the moon that softly enveloped us. She smiled at me, not out of love but because she was clever.
She knew every little secret that was inside of my head, she knew of my love. And she knew that it could be used as a weapon, she knew how to use it well.
As I felt the milky white water slowly envelop my chest as I struggled to push through the currents, I began to feel a pain.
And the consequences of a pain are kept dormant...as if frozen so rapidly, its own source, like a river, was lost or forgotten.
There is a gravity between us that longs to the wind from my heart, so the details of her began passing.
As I rushed through the water the moon began to dim, making everything so much harder to see as I began to feel the water fill up my lungs.
Who is the idiot within me that goes on, without the gift of time and space? Who doesn't even know this woman's name, but tries so desperately to reach her? And as I lunged deeper into the water, I began to feel my head sink.
Just like that hand that forced me under a lifetime ago, I felt smothered as I tried to fight against it, the hand of fate that tossed me in this direction.
Until I felt a pair of hands grace my face, she skimmed across my cheek delicately and softly like stones across the sleeping water.
She brought me back to the surface, my hair slicked back due to the water. She stared at me with those pure blue eyes, she looked completely innocent.
"Will you be my shield." She asked me, as the water froze
I loved her but she didn't love me, maybe I couldn't be her equal or her lover, but maybe I could protect her.
"Yes" I whispered as she ran her fingers through my hair as the water began to envelop me
The water dragged me down as pairs of hands grabbed me, they grabbed my body and dragged me further and further down the abyss. As the moon stood bright illuminating the open water, I sunk deeper and deeper into despair without a light to guide me.
I opened my eyes, blinking away the tears, seeing the same moon that was coldly beaming down my room's window. I seemed to be in a hospital bed of some sorts as I began to move my body around.
My left arm was covered in a thick white cask, if felt weird moving it due to the added weight. I laid back down on my pillow feeling a hard weight against my leg, did I break that too I thought as I began to wipe away the drying tears from my face.
A girl, I couldn't see her, but I knew that she was there. She looked familiar but I couldn't tell who she was due to the darkness.
Tanya? Did she care about my wellbeing enough for her to stay the night with me at the hospital, did she care?
I wanted to lightly shake her up, but I was exhausted as the dream began to flood out of my head like it was nothing. A part of me didn't even know what was going on, that dream felt weird and different.
But I stopped thinking about it as I re closed my eyes and embraced the full moons light that pleasantly beamed down.
The Morning
She was gone, I began to panic not knowing where she went as I began to quickly look around the hospital room. Did Tanya leave, I guess I couldn't blame her, maybe she had something better to do than stay with me.
I rested my head once again on the pillow as I stared aimlessly at the ceiling, trying to find any source of entertainment.
I heard a creak came from the door; I snapped my neck seeing Victorya holding a plate of food. Well two plates as she lightly opened the door with the end of her boot as she shuffled in through the crack.
"Hey, your awake now." she hummed as she balanced the plate in her hands
She walked over towards her seat that was pulled right next to the bed, she then laid the plate on my lap and began to eat her food as she sat down.
Wait was she the one that stayed with me that whole night? I stared awkwardly at my eggs as she began to eat her food.
She placed her egg on her toast and began to munch on it, I never really seen anybody do it before, but I wanted to talk to her about it.
But it just felt so hard to just talk right now, what would I even say to her. So I just kept on staring at my eggs as they began to get cold.
"Where is Tanya?" I asked Victorya as she stared clueless at me, a little piece of egg yolk was leaking at the corner of her mouth
"The Lieutenant?" I corrected, Victorya wiped her mouth with her sleeve as she began to think of a response.
She really was pretty, but there was a major contrast between her and Tanya. She had light brown hair while Tanya had a golden blonde, she was a year older than me and Tanya, she was tall for a girl while Tanya wouldn't be allowed to go on some rides that required height, while Tanya was petite, Victorya was more well developed.
It felt weird looking at her and comparing her to Tanya, they were two completely different people, but I just couldn't help myself.
"She instructed you to deal with your injuries while she went to a university, I got a promotion and a short vacation." she purred as she smiled, just seeing that smile just made me feel a small warmth spread through me.
I wanted to ask her about Tanya, did she say anything else about me? But I didn't want too to show Victorya how much I cared; wait she also mentioned a vacation.
"Victorya why are you here, if you have a vacation shouldn't you be at home?" I asked her as she took my plate and began to place it with her plate.
"You should drink, the doctor mentioned about the lack of water you have been drinking." she ignored the question as she began to hand me a glass of water.
"Victorya, why aren't you with your family now. For all you know command could cut your vacation right now and send you back to the Rhine, you should at least see them." I ranted; I didn't even know why I was mad at her.
She stared back at her boots; I really was a horrible person. She wasted her own precious vacation days to take care of me, and I was berating her about it now.
She really was timid, just a little bit of me just getting mad and she just collapsed like a pyramid of cards. I couldn't imagine what she must go through when she is dealing with Tanya, I reached out and touched her shoulder as she hung her head back up to look at me.
"I'm sorry I got mad, but Victorya why are you here." I asked as her blue eyes looked sad
"You saved me; it was the least I could do."
I took a gulp of water, as I stared at the corner of my room, my bag of stuff was in there. I asked her to get me the book that was inside of it and Victorya retrieved my journal.
I flipped through the pages making sure that everything was intact, the poems and the sketches were messy and some of the words were blotched from the ink. But I could still read them, I went to an open page and I stared at Victorya.
She really wasn't doing anything but lightly dusting off her uniform, I began to sketch her with the pencils that I borrowed or rather stole from people's desk during my time in the Rhine. After a couple of minutes, she looked at me.
"What are you doing?" she asked as she stared at me scribbling away
"Nothing." I yakked with a slight chuckle; I would take occasional glances at Victorya as I would begin to draw away.
I wished that I had blue and brown pencils to draw her hair and blue eyes, I guess I was too distracted with my drawing until she peered over my shoulder.
She gasped as she saw the portrait of herself, she probably thought it looked really bad. She was probably thinking about how much of a crappy artist I was.
"Wow Frank, this is really good." she sang as she snatched the journal from my hands, usually I would snatch it back but with Victorya holding it I didn't mind.
"Really?" I asked, she kept on staring at the portrait as she pressed the journal to her chest and lightly hugged it
"Do you want to leave the hospital right now, maybe we could explore the city for a little bit." she asked avoiding my eyes, her face with a little red as she clutched onto my journal.
"Sure." There was nothing better to do than stare at the ceiling. And hell, maybe I could still give Victorya a good vacation day.
Her face shot up as it broke into a wide smile, was she happy to spend time with me? Sure, I knew that we were developing a friendship, but this just felt kind of odd how she was reacting to everything I was saying.
She walked out of the room as I changed into different clothes, I also took back the journal and thrown it back into the bag. I walked out seeing her, beaming with a wide smile.
"Where do you want to go." I asked
"Let's just walk around, if we get hungry, I will pay." she bubbled as her shoulder hit mine
"No Victorya." I sternly said as she stared up at me, the look on her face startled me. She looked afraid that I might just cancel right now.
"It's your vacation, anything that needs money, I will pay. Take this as a thank you for staying with me." I chirped as I smiled at the girl, she smiled back as she looped her hand with my own.
Her hand felt so soft and warm, there wasn't any bruising or scarring. It felt so nice and perfect to just hold that hand...
Was she...no there was no way, we left the hospital as me and her began to explore the city? For a very long time until maybe sunset, we prowled the streets looking for anything fun to do.
Nothing came up but I learned a lot of new things about Victorya, the most important one was about her uncle Karl, he was a recruiter for trench runners and spent most of his time around the country.
I didn't say anything to Victorya about him being the one that possibly recruited me into that hell hole of the Rhine, but I couldn't get it out of my head.
We ate some suspicious fried pork on a stick when we got hungry, it tasted strange, but I was starving from not eating breakfast. Victorya cracked a joke about it being better than the stuff they fed us in the Rhine.
When she laughed she beamed, she truly was amazing. And the more time I spent with her the more Tanya and that dream I had began to slowly go away.
"Frank how long have we been out here." Victorya asked me as we both stared at the pale moon
The whole day went by like a breeze, now it was probably around midnight as me and her sat together on a park bench overlooking the water. She had her arms around me in a tight hug, and my arms were wrapped around her too.
"A whole day." I chuckled as I moved Victorya's hair out of her eyes like it was the most natural thing I ever did, the blue illuminated the darkness
"Why did you save me?" she randomly asked
I didn't know why I did, maybe I was angry for taking a life that shouldn't have been taken. My rage fueled me to keep on going and to keep pushing through the pain but was that really my excuse.
If that was the case then why would I let Victorya escape, why would I even take a couple of explosive bullets for her. No, it was something else.
"I was ready to die, I felt horrible for killing that girl, but maybe saving you would be able to redeem myself. But it is never that easy, fighting to protect someone goes far beyond some personal war. I'm used to fighting to survive, but when I fought for you my gun felt heavy, because I knew that if I died you would too." I said
She stared up at me, and she pressed her face closer to mine as her fingers gracefully went around my neck pulling me closer to her.
We kissed, it was like a million pleasant emotions spread throughout my body in a single instance, she ran her fingers through my hair as I hugged her back,
When we both pulled away, she rested her head on my chest, I could feel my heart begin to beat quicker from her.
"You always...bleed for me." she sighed as her right hand traced along my cast.
I gripped her hand once again as the only thing that remained were the faint rising of her body and her adorable snoring. I looked down on the girl, moving away her brown hair to peer at her amazing face.
"I think...I am falling in love with you Victorya." I whispered into her ear, she broke into a little smile
"I have always been attracted to you, ever since I saw you during the propaganda pictures, I thought you looked really cute with that suit on. Why did you think I kept on blushing when I held your hand."
"I guess I thought you were just timid, a part of me didn't really think anybody thought of me in that way." I said staring off into the water
In both of my lifetimes I have always struggled with people, understanding them and dealing with them have always confused me. And in both I lived by the gun, but things now were different, I wasn't a bandit trying to steal to make a quick buck, but now I was a soldier with people who I was ready to fight and die for.
"I guess I would rather fight for my life, then live it." I murmured to myself, I glanced at Victorya to seeing her once again snoring away.
I picked her up, feeling her beating heart against my back made me feel happy that I protected her as I carried her through the dimly lit streets as the moon gazed down on us.