Chapter 13.
In the library, on his laptop, Sam carefully checked and updated the files he had prepared for Dean. One was the information on all the hunters in the bunker, one the inventories and one all the other information that Dean might not know and may possibly need if anything happened to Sam.
If, for example, after a blazing row, Sam had to leave the bunker and Dean was too angry to ask for the information. However angry or hurt Sam was, he would remember to send the files.
His heart ached at the thought of even a temporary breakdown in their relationship, but he knew it was a possibility, almost a certainty if the truth about the keys ever came out. He had to ensure that his bad decision would not cost anyone their life.
On the top of the third file, he added a quick note. "Dean, Everything I did, I did because it seemed the only way to protect you and Cas. I know I screwed up, but my intentions were always good. Sam."
He made sure all the files were saved and then closed the folder. Dean would not find it by chance. The folder's title was carefully chosen to put him off.
Jack came in. "What are you doing?" he said.
"Nothing." said Sam quickly, closing the laptop.
Jack look confused.
"Sorry. Just contingencies."
"Ah." said Jack.
"Just making sure this place can keep going, whatever happens."
"When you and Dean talk about whatever happens, you're never thinking of anything good." said Jack.
"Good stuff never really happens to us." said Sam.
Jack sat down. "Things are okay."
"I'm just planning for when they're not." said Sam.
"Maybe we should tell Sarah about everything. She can convince Dean to forgive us."
"He'll forgive you anyway. Besides, I'm not putting Sarah in that position."
"Okay. Then you're putting me in that position. If the worst happens, I'll talk to Dean. I'll make him listen."
Sam patted the laptop. "If that doesn't work, everything he needs is in a folder called Health Benefits of Kale, but hopefully, I can send him the files myself. Look, however he reacts, we'll get over it. We've gotten over worse. But for the weeks or months when he won't talk to me, there's stuff he's gonna need."
"You assume he'll take over here. What if he just leaves?"
"Then finding him will be the priority. I'm pretty good at that."
"Nobody knows him better." said Jack.
"Nobody." Sam agreed.
Jack suddenly sat up straight. "I just heard Cas."
"Well done, meerkat." said Sam.
Cas and Jules came into the library. "Jules knows everything about the mind curse." said Cas, not knowing how right he was, "Dean said I could tell her."
"That's good." said Sam, "So we can talk openly around her now. I hope you understand, Jules, why we couldn't tell you before."
"Yes," said Jules, "I know what a fine line you've all had to walk. But now I know and all of you know I know. One less thing to worry about for all of you." Sam saw the brief look of encouragement and understanding she gave him, but Cas clearly didn't. Cas just looked happy and that was as good for Sam as the knowledge that Jules knew the pressure he was under.
"When you spoke to Dean, how did he seem?" Sam asked Cas.
"We communicated via texts." said Cas, "But he must be feeling good if he felt able to let me talk to Jules about everything."
"Yes, that has to be a good sign." said Sam.
"Sarah has helped me many times." said Cas, "Her approach is effective."
"I'm sure she can help him," said Sam, "But I don't think it'll be easy for him. For either of them."
"Do you want me to go there and make sure all is well?" said Cas. His glance at Jules showed that he was ambivalent. His presence at the farmhouse would have solved a lot of Sam's problems, but the thought of separating him from Jules just when their relationship was getting somewhere seemed cruel.
Sam also believed that Jules could keep Cas distracted to some degree and prevent him from noticing any thoughts from Dean and from subconsciously forming the mental connection again.
"No," he said, "For now, let's just let Dean do things his way."
Castiel's expression was hard to read. "But if you need me to go there. just say." he said.
"Thanks." said Sam, "But you have other things to think about."
"Yes." said Cas. He looked at Jules. "Yes, I do."
She smiled at him. Sam felt the smallest pang of envy. Since Eileen, he had not been able to imagine a prospect of romantic happiness for himself. However, he was unable to begrudge Cas such happiness. Cas had never known love and richly deserved it.
"You two should take the rest of the day off." he said, "Go out and have some fun."
"We're going to watch a documentary about bees." said Cas.
"Oh. Well, that sounds good." said Sam.
When they had gone, Jack said, "Do you think it's really love?"
"Dude, she's willingly gonna watch a documentary about bees."
"I mean on his side." said Jack.
"I think so. He doesn't look at anyone else like that. Of course, it may be thirty years before their second kiss, but as long as they're both happy, that's fine."