Ben watched Rey look every which way, taking in all the sights and sounds of Central Square-the heart of Coruscant City. It was like looking at his home city with fresh eyes, and he took delight in Rey's awe as all three of them walked hand in hand through the crowded sidewalk, Hannah in between them.
Buildings towered over them with neon signs, billboards, and LED screens showing a variety of ads. The Square, which used to be a traffic intersection, had since been converted to a more pedestrian-friendly hub, with cars and taxis relegated only to certain areas. Shops, cafes and restaurants lined the streets, but since they had already had lunch hours earlier, they were now headed to the Broadway theater to watch the musical as he had promised Rey they would.
He stared at Rey again. She looked positively radiant, brimming with life, and her smile so infectious, he couldn't hold back his own. He had been smiling a lot more lately because of her, had felt more alive because of her. He loved the way she laughed, the way she tucked her hair behind her ear, the way she would chew at the bottom of her rosy lips. He loved how she engaged him in conversation, how she listened to him and made him feel like he could do anything. He loved how she was with Hannah, how caring she was, how protective and patient she was with his little girl.
He loved her. He knew he was fucked, but he loved her. Their banter earlier at breakfast had given him a glimpse of what life with her could be like. Her embarrassment and shyness when he had flirted with her had been unbearingly cute. The feel of her hand in his when he put his palm over hers had sent his pulse racing, even more so when she playfully pushed him away, the feel of her fingers still lingering on his chest. He wanted more of those little moments with her, and he counted himself lucky that he would still have her by his side until tomorrow.
Tomorrow. She would be leaving tomorrow and they would be back to their long distance routine, but he'd rather not dwell on it for now. He was going to savor the time they had together, and he was going to make sure she had the time of her life while she was with them.
He felt Hannah tug his hand. "Daddy, what musical are we seeing?"
"Yeah, Ben," Rey chimed in. "You never told us what we're going to see."
Ben reached for his wallet and produced three tickets, handing one ticket each to Rey and Hannah.
Hannah let out a squeal. "Wicked?! I've always wanted to watch it! My friends keep telling me it's so good."
"It is," Ben affirmed. "I've watched it before and it's one of my favorite musicals. I think you two will love it."
Rey frowned. "Ben...isn't this based off of that book by Gregory Maguire?"
"Yeah, it is. I've read that book."
"I have too and…" she trailed off, staring at the ticket before looking worriedly at him. "It's not exactly a kid-friendly book."
"Oh, don't worry. The musical is way different," Ben assured. "I also checked the age restrictions and it's recommended for children ages eight and up."
"I'm eight!" Hannah declared.
"And that's why you can definitely watch, sweetheart." Ben pointed to a building across the street, where a large sign of the musical title was lit with bright lights. The entrance was lined with the official poster, and was full of people taking selfies, lining up to buy tickets or queueing to go inside. "There's the theater now. Let's get the playbills and some snacks first before we head inside."
The theater was packed, which was not wholly unexpected. Wicked was a very popular musical, and Ben thanked his lucky stars that he had been able to snag premium seat tickets in the Orchestra section for the three of them.
After excusing themselves from other people in their row, Ben took his seat, as did the girls, snacks and drinks in tow. He looked to make sure they were settled. Hannah sat in between them, already digging into her popcorn, while Rey looked around, brows knitted together and lips in a slight frown. "Rey? What's wrong?"
"These are really good seats, Ben," she said, her voice low. "The tickets must've been expensive."
He could sense that she was once again worried about the costs, and he supposed he couldn't blame her. He knew she didn't have the same privileges as he did and had to basically scrounge for a living. He didn't want to seem like a show off, but now, he was beginning to fear she might think he was flaunting his wealth in her face, when nothing could be further from the truth. He just wanted her to have a good time with him and Hannah.
"Hey, don't worry about it," he said with a smile. "The cost of the ticket is for more than just the seat. It's for the experience and for the memories we take with us. Now, those are priceless."
That seemed to put Rey at ease, and she smiled back before relaxing in her seat. Ben did the same, and just like Hannah, began digging into his box of popcorn.
The show began not long after, with a rousing musical number that still managed to take his breath away even after repeat viewings. As time went on, he found that he enjoyed watching the musical even more this time around, most likely because he wasn't alone. He had Hannah and Rey with him. That made all the difference. And the way they were enraptured by the songs and the story made it feel like he too was watching it for the first time. Like he was seeing it through their eyes.
There were times when Hannah would ask him a few questions, keeping her voice respectfully low, and he dutifully answered. Rey on the other hand seemed really engrossed, smiling and laughing at appropriate times, eyes twinkling and breaths heaving at the more intense scenes, and clapping along with the crowd at the end of almost every song.
Then came the part in the second act, where the lead character would be sharing a few passionate kisses with her love interest. This was the part where Ben had to set his snacks aside. He wasn't ready for Hannah see such an intimate display of affection.
When the kiss finally happened, he quickly put a palm over Hannah's eyes, only to feel Rey's hand against his palm instead. His quickly turned to her, their eyes meeting. She had apparently had the same idea to shield their daughter from seeing the kiss.
Hannah groaned and pulled her parents' hands away from her face. "It's just a kiss!"
Ben pulled back at the same time as Rey and tried to concentrate on the actors onstage. There would be a couple more kisses after the first one, but he didn't move to cover Hannah's eyes this time; not because his daughter had basically told him off for being overprotective, but because the skin of his palm was still tingling from the feel of Rey's hand in his.
The musical ended as it always did: with standing ovations and thunderous applause. Ben, Hannah and Rey all joined in on the chorus, clapping and cheering as the actors did their curtain call. Ben looked at the girls again, still infected by their apparent joy and excitement. It was a feeling he knew he would treasure for the rest of his life.
Hannah chatted away, telling both Rey and her dad everything she loved about the musical, which was practically everything. Ben even bought her a Wicked glitter globe and a Wicked jacket from the theater boutique, and while Rey declined his offer to buy her merchandise, she did accept the CD he bought for her.
It was dark by the time they got out of the theater. The lights of Central Square were brighter and more colorful now, and the streets still so packed that Ben had to guide Rey and Hannah through the crowds, one hand behind Hannah's head, the other at the small of Rey's back.
"Really, Ben, I can't thank you enough," Rey said, taking the glitter globe Hannah was handing to her and putting it inside the tote bag she was carrying along with her new CD. "It was absolutely amazing. The songs, the costumes, the story...it's so different from the book."
"I told you." Ben grinned, even as his hand trembled against her back. "Which do you like more, the book or the musical?"
Rey seemed to ponder this for a bit. "They're so vastly different except for a few things. But I guess I prefer the musical because of the happy ending. It's still bittersweet, but it's a happier ending than what we got in the book."
"Can I read the book, Daddy?" Hannah asked.
"When you're older, sweetheart," Ben promised, then turned back to Rey. "So...now that you've watched your first musical, is there any other musical you'd like to watch in the near future?" That was his subtle way of asking Rey out on another musical 'date' with Hannah. He was confident he wasn't too obvious.
Rey's face brightened. "I've always wanted to see Cats."
"Cats?" Ben raised his eyebrows. Except for a few tunes, it wasn't exactly high up on his list of musicals. "Why Cats?"
"Mostly because of Barbara Streisand," Rey admitted, ducking her head shyly. "I know she didn't act in that musical, but she's my grandfather's favorite singer. I can't even count how many times we listened to her rendition of 'Memory'. Plus, there's that one song she sang with Bryan Adams, uhm…"
"'I Finally Found Someone'?" Ben supplied, and Rey nodded.
"Yeah, that one. It's still one of my favorite songs." To Ben's surprise, Rey began singing the chorus softly. "I finally found someone; Someone to share my life…"
He decided to join in. "I finally found the one; To be with every night…"
"I don't know that song," Hannah cut in, looking from one parent to the other.
"It's an old song, sweetie," Rey explained. "I'll let you listen to it when we get home."
When we get home. Rey's words echoed in Ben's head, his heart beating wildly against his rib cage. He knew she probably didn't mean anything by it, but now he couldn't stop thinking about how incredible it would be if Rey actually called his house their home. How wonderful it would be to come home not just to Hannah, but to her as well.
"Where are we going next, Ben?"
"Oh! I, uh…" Ben stammered, startled from his musings. "We should...we should go have dinner. We have a reservation at six."
Ben led Rey and Hannah to an Italian restaurant called 'Commensale di Destro', which also happened to be a piano bar. He had always meant to take Rey here, and had made reservations days in advance.
"I love this restaurant," Hannah said as she sat sat in the booth and scooted over to make room for Rey, while Ben sat across them. Nearby, the pianist played while a guest stood in front of the mic, singing a song. Ben knew it was a guest because this restaurant usually encouraged guests to either request a song or sing onstage if they were bold enough. "This was Grandpa's favorite restaurant. Grandma's too. You should meet my Grandma, Rey. She will love you."
"Maybe one day, sweetie," Rey said. Ben detected a hint of uncertainty in her voice.
"My mother will love you, Rey," he echoed his daughter. "I'm sure of it. You're easy to love."
Rey's eyes widened. Cheeks flushing pink, she quickly hid her face behind the menu and Ben did the same, if only to hide his alarm. Had he been too forward? Had he overstepped his bounds?
He cleared his throat. "I would have wanted you to meet my mother this weekend but she's been overseas for a few months." He clamped his lips shut. For all the times they talked, he had never really told Rey much about his mother. Not that he didn't want to; she just barely came up in their conversations. Besides, Rey might get even more intimidated if she knew his mother was a lawyer-turned-senator…
"I'll have spaghetti and meatballs," Rey announced, and Ben had to smile to himself. Of course, she would order that.
"I'll have spaghetti carbonara," Hannah said, which wasn't unexpected, since the girl ordered the same thing every time they went to this particular restaurant.
He called for a waiter and gave out their orders, his being a filet mignon with a glass of Chardonnay. In that time, Rey seemed to ease back into comfort, and began talking freely again, mostly about Wicked. It was apparent she still couldn't get over how good it was, and Ben felt his heart swell. He had done a good job, he thought. He had definitely given them an experience of a lifetime.
They continued to talk well after they had finished their meals, still discussing their favorite parts of the musical while soft piano music played in the background. The only time they stopped talking about Wicked was when Rey started asking Ben about Cats again, and he gladly obliged, all the while secretly hoping she would be interested enough in the show to want to watch it with him and Hannah sometime soon.
Hannah tugged on the sleeve of Rey's sweater. "Rey, you mentioned a song earlier by Barbara S...Strei…"
"Barbara Streisand?" Rey finished.
"Yes," Hannah nodded. "What song was that again?"
"Oh, you mean 'Memory'?"
"No. The other one. The one you sang with Daddy earlier."
"'I Finally Found Someone,'" Rey answered. "It's the soundtrack of a movie though, not a musical."
"Okay," Hannah mumbled. Ben watched his daughter's hazel eyes dart from him, to Rey. "Rey, can you excuse me? I need to go to the washroom."
"Of course, sweetie." Rey stood up from her seat so she can let Hannah out. "You want me to come with you?"
"No. You and Daddy just stay and talk. I'll be right back." Before either Rey or Ben could protest, Hannah darted away from the booth and made her way through the maze of tables and further into the restaurant.
Ben narrowed his eyes as Rey sat back down. "That girl's up to something."
"Really?" Rey tilted her head at him. "How can you tell?"
"Just a feeling." Ben fidgeted in his seat. His daughter had that same look in her eyes whenever she was planning to prank him or something, and a trickle of fear started running down his spine. "I'll call for the check."
He started looking around the restaurant for an available waiter when the piano music faded, replaced by the gravelly voice of the restaurant's pianist. "Ladies and gentlemen, we have a young lady here who would like to request her parents perform a song for us."
Ben whipped his head towards the small stage in the middle of the restaurant, his stomach dropping when he saw Hannah standing by the piano.
The pianist continued. "What are your parents' names, little lady?"
Hannah tried to reach up for the mic, and the pianist promptly took it off the stand and handed it to her.
"My parents names are Ben Solo and Rey Kenobi," Hannah's voice echoed through the speakers throughout the restaurant, and Ben covered his face with a palm. He couldn't even bear to look at Rey.
"And what will they be singing tonight?" the pianist asked.
Ben dared to peek between his fingers, and saw the mischief in Hannah's eyes as she said "'I Finally Found Someone'."
"A lovely song choice," the pianist commented and put the mic back on the stand. "May we call on Ben Solo and Rey Kenobi to come onstage please."
A polite applause reverberated throughout the restaurant. Ben finally turned to Rey, and found that she had turned white as sheet.
"It's okay, Rey," he whispered and stood up, holding his hand out to help her out of her seat. She took his hand, her palm cold and clammy to the touch as she rose to her feet and slowly followed Ben to the stage, the applause becoming louder the closer they got to the pianist. Rey still didn't let go of his hand by the time they reached the stage, and neither did he. It was as if both of them needed each other's encouragement, though if Ben were to be honest, he didn't really need that much encouraging. He was used to performing in front of crowds from his days singing with StarKiller. But he was afraid for Rey.
He threw a reprimanding look at Hannah, but the girl only giggled and got off the stage to stand in front of them, whipping out her phone as she did. Ben almost groaned into the microphone. He hoped his daughter won't post the video she was clearly recording on the internet.
He leaned in close to Rey, squeezing her hand and whispered away from the mic, "It's going to be fine. Think of it as though you're back in high school and singing in musical plays."
"Okay," Rey whispered back, slowly letting out a breath. "You know this song right?"
"Yeah. You?"
"Memorized every word." She pulled back and gave him a small smile before finally letting go of his hand, just as the first few notes of the song played.
Ben moved closer to the mic. There was only one, so he and Rey would have to share.
With a deep breath, he began to sing.
"I finally found someone
Who knocks me off my feet
I finally found the one
That makes me feel complete…"
Rey stepped up beside him, her shoulder pressed against his as she leaned in to the mic.
"We started over coffee
We started out as friends
It's funny how from simple things,
The best things begin…"
Her voice trembled a little, but it was as angelic as he imagined it would be. Encouraged, Ben continued to sing, trying not to get too distracted by the closeness of Rey's face to his.
"This time it's different…"
"Dah dah dah dah…"
"It's all because of you…"
"Dah dah dah dah…"
"It's better than it's ever been…"
"Coz we can talk it through…"
His voice melded surprisingly beautifully with hers. He stared at her in awe, and she stared back at him as she sang the next lines with a bit more confidence than earlier.
"My favorite line
Was 'Can I call you some time?'
It's all you had to say…"
"To take my breath away…"
She broke eye contact, tucking her hair behind her ear and Ben found himself wishing he were the one doing that for her.
"This is it,
Oh,
I finally found someone
Someone to share my life
I finally found the one
To be with every night…"
"'Cause whatever I do…"
"It's just got to be you…"
"My life has just begun
I finally found someone…"
Rey looked at him again, still singing, though this time, she was smiling widely. She looked like she was finally enjoying herself, and Ben felt relief and joy wash over him all at once.
He sang the rest of the song with her, this time with more feeling as he internalized each word, expressing how he felt for her through the melody. He knew she probably didn't get it, even with his prolonged eye contact with her and his lingering gazes whenever she tore her eyes away from his, but he sang with his all anyway, easily hitting the high notes with her, his voice harmonizing with hers until they came down from the high, the tempo slowing and the music fading. And with the last of the notes, Rey looked him in the eye again, and he smiled softly at her, his heart so full it was close to bursting.
This time, the applause was not just polite; it was enthusiastic, with some people even cheering them on. It wasn't new to Ben, but it was obviously new to Rey as she lowered her head, bowing shyly before gazing up at him again. Almost instinctively, he put wrapped his arm around her shoulder, and he was both surprised and thrilled when she leaned into him, waving at Hannah's camera. He had forgotten their daughter was still recording.
The pianist stood up and took the mic. "That was a splendid performance. Bravo. How long have you two been married?"
"Oh!" Rey shook her head. "We're not-"
"Ten years," Ben cut in, giving Rey's shoulder a gentle squeeze. He knew she was gaping at him in shock, but he chose to keep his attention on the pianist, who continued to fawn over them and congratulate them for a job well done. The crowd applauded again, and Ben moved his arm off Rey's shoulder so he could take her hand again. He gently led her back to their booth, Hannah following closeby.
"Why did you tell them we were married?" Rey whispered when she and Hannah had settled back in the booth. Her eyes were wide and her voice was shaky.
"The truth is too complicated." Ben shrugged. "Like Uncle Chewie said, it's better to 'uncomplicate it'."
Rey chewed on her bottom lip, and he wondered what her lips would feel like against his. He knew he shouldn't be thinking this way, but he was. That duet had only cemented how much of a goner he was for her.
Rey crossed her arms over her chest. "You do know us being married ten years meant you married me when I was seventeen, right?"
"Yeah, but they don't know that." Ben grinned, then turned to Hannah, his voice grave as he said, "Young lady, we're going to have a little talk about your shenanigans."
Hannah seemed to shrink in her seat, though she didn't appear remorseful. There was still a hint of a smile on her lips. "Am I in trouble, Daddy?"
"No." Ben sighed. He really couldn't reprimand Hannah for this one. Not when he got so much happiness out of it. He should even thank her, but he'd rather keep that to himself. "Just warn us next time if you want us to perform, alright?"
"Okay, Daddy."
"Okay, good. Now let me get the check so we can get out of here."
The night was still young when they got out of the restaurant, so Ben suggested they take a little walk in the park. It was right next to the Square, which meant they didn't have to walk very far to get there.
Hannah was excited when she saw the bike rental and begged her father to let her ride, which he did, and soon, she was slowly cycling ahead of them while they stayed several feet behind her on the park's paved, tree-lined pathways. Ben kept a careful watch of his daughter, all the while keeping pace with Rey, who had gone eerily quiet. And the longer the silence grew, the more anxious he became. What could she possibly be thinking now?
He decided to break the ice with a compliment. "You have a beautiful voice, Rey."
"You do too," Rey complimented back without looking at him. "You should be singing in Broadway. Like in Wicked."
Ben chuckled. "I'm flattered, but I don't sing for a living anymore. You on the other hand could actually make money off of your voice."
From the corner of his eye, he saw Rey smile. "Yeah, well...I already have a job. And I don't really harbor any dreams of stardom."
"Speaking of your job…" Ben said, recalling their conversation with Uncle Chewie earlier that day. "Why didn't you accept Uncle Chewie's job offer? I assure you the pay's good. And you'd be a great fit."
Rey was quick to shake her head. "My place is in Jakku. I can't leave."
Ben felt himself deflate. There was a finality in Rey's tone but at the same time...resignation? He wanted to ask her why she couldn't leave, but she turned to him with such a disarming smile, he was rendered speechless.
"Thank you, Ben. It's been an incredible day. Meeting Chewie and also Rose, seeing Wicked, even singing with you at that restaurant even though I was a nervous wreck." She let out a short laugh. "I'm really glad, you know? To have you as a friend."
Ben felt himself grow suddenly cold, and it had nothing to do with the night air.
Rey didn't seem to notice the change in his demeanour. "I know we started off on the wrong foot when we first met, so I'm glad we've become really good friends. Otherwise, I would never have been able to have Hannah in my life the way I do now."
She was being sincere. She sounded really happy. Ben, on the other hand, felt nothing but turmoil inside him, and it was a while before he was able to speak again. "So...you're saying you're happy with the way things are? With you, me and Hannah?"
"Of course, I am." Rey's smile was radiant under the street lamps along the path. "Everything's just so perfect that sometimes I'm scared something might happen that would get in the way of our friendship and make things awkward for Hannah. But everyday, you've shown me it's not going to happen. That nothing's going to change. And you have no idea how grateful I am for that. The last thing I want is for us to drift apart like I did with some of my other friends."
"Are you talking about Finn and Poe?" Ben asked softly. He remembered her telling him about them. They seemed to be the only friends she had ever mentioned to him.
"Yes." Rey nodded. "Finn is actually my best friend growing up. I was there for him when he came out as gay, and he was there for me when my grandfather died, but then he met Poe. Don't get me wrong, Poe's a great guy, but it was because of him that Finn decided to leave Jakku for good, so now I barely get to talk to them or see them at all." She grew quiet for a moment before continuing. "Some people say that love doesn't get in the way of friendship, but it actually does."
Ben froze in his tracks. He felt as though something had just shattered inside of him.
Rey walked ahead of him for a bit before she turned around and frowned. "Ben?"
"Nothing's going to get in the way of our friendship, Rey." His voice didn't sound like his own. Flat. Emotionless. Nonetheless, he knew he came off as sincere. "You will always have Hannah as your daughter and me as your friend. We'll always be here for you. Nothing's ever going to change that."
"I know." Rey beamed. "You don't know how much happier you both have made me. So thank you, Ben."
Ben tried to smile back, but he found it almost impossible to keep his lips from trembling. It didn't seem like Rey noticed, because her smile widened before she excused herself to go after Hannah, who had gone a little further ahead.
Ben started walking again, but his feet felt like lead. Everything from earlier-all the happiness he had felt, the light-hearted feeling he had with each of Rey's gazes, smiles and touches-they all seemed like a distant memory now, and he was suddenly and painfully reminded of the song he and Rey had sung together earlier.
Like the lyrics said, he finally found someone. After so many years of searching and waiting, he finally found the one he wanted to spend his life with. But he couldn't have her. To tell her how he truly felt would destroy the happiness she had now, and could potentially put Hannah's happiness on the line too.
No. He wasn't going to tell Rey he loved her, despite his heart screaming to the high heavens that he did. His silence, his own happiness was the price he would have to pay to keep her in his life, to keep her and Hannah as happy as they were now.
It was a price he was willing to pay, even though he was dying inside.