Thank you to Fran for beta'ing. Thanks to Mykaela and Gabby for pre-reading.

14.

Edward

All I could do was stare at the wall. I wasn't even aware of time passing. I needed time; my thoughts were going a million miles an hour, swerving in and out. My teeth chattered, and I curled my shaking feet into the underside of the chair I was situated in. The waiting room I found was empty—all its residents moving along, headed home to spend Christmas with their family. The overhead lights were off, the only glow in the room coming from the mismatched tree lights from the small Christmas tree in the corner.

I thought of our tree at home—how we're supposed to be laughing, how we'd be doing our yearly tradition of opening a present at midnight … how Alice would be impatient, stamping her small feet until the clock finally struck twelve.

I took a deep breath and raised a hand to my face. The skin was hot and raw. My eyes were bleary as I stared at the ceiling.

I couldn't even think her name without feeling sick to my stomach.

I sucked in a breath, sniffling.

She was stronger than I was—I couldn't even stay in her room long enough to look at her for more than a few minutes. My shoulders weighed heavily as if a wall had been built on each of them.

I was stiff, frozen with anxiety, wretchedness, and, worst of all, guilt.

I hear footsteps coming down the hallway in a sprint. Every once in a while, they slow down as if they're searching the different rooms for something.

I hear Alice's yells, calling after Bella and me as we sprint through the forest. Our hands were clasped as we darted over the crunchy leaves of fallen leaves. My little sister's voice is far behind, and we have the lead. I know she won't go past the yard for fear of my mother scolding her.

I hear her complain about homework over a spotty Facetime call—seventh-grade math is a bitch. I hear her leaving me a voicemail, wishing me a happy first day of college the morning of my first class at Ohio State.

I hear her call, 'Edward! Over here!" as she runs across the airport, eager to stretch her legs after the cross-country flight. She's flown all this way to drive home with me so I wouldn't be alone.

I hear her laugh as she and Bella try to give Cocoa a bath in the garage—the hose frozen from being outside. A soundtrack of giggles from the girls and chuffs from Cocoa.

The footsteps stop in front of the waiting room doors. I don't look over to see who it is. I count them as they get closer.

She sits in the chair next to me. I don't have to look to know who it is or that she has her legs tucked haphazardly underneath her. I move my neck to bury my face in her hair, breathing in her floral scent.

My tears soak her hair.

My head is spinning. I want to ask her what happened, where was Cocoa? Alice needed to know.

Instead, I mutter the one thing that's at the forefront of my mind. I can't not think it; I can't blink it away.

"This is all my fault."

"Edward…" Bella starts, running her hand smoothly through my hair, "of course, it's not your fault."

"It is, Bella. Everything is my fault. I shouldn't of…" I shook my head. I sobbed silently into her, "if she didn't know where that damn treehouse was…she'd be…" I trailed off.

"Why? Why did she have to try and chase after us? I knew she'd get lost—I should have thought about it, but I had to go after you. I told…I told her to stay put."

"I know, Edward. None of this was your fault." She answered softly.

"I want to burn the damn treehouse to the ground. I don't care about it. I hate it. I hate that place." I said.

…The place where the worst things happen.

"Nothing good happens there," I spoke coldly, pulling myself away from her.

"That's not true." She defends.

And she's right. The best things happen there too.

But I can't admit it.

Because the worst outweighs the best.

"No, they don't. First, that's the spot where I hurt the one I love most in the world, and now this. This…" I shook my head, not knowing how to contemplate what exactly this was.

"Edward, it's okay. She wouldn't want you to…to blame yourself. You can't."

"Or maybe she would."

"Now, why would she want that?"

"I let her down too."

Bella's eyes widen, and I drop my head into my hands.

In the meantime...

Join my group on FB! "Mariescullen Fanfiction" I will be posting some cute edits and pics to go along with this story!

This is a rough spot in the story...but we are nearing the end. Only 2 more updates. May upload one tonight, who knows. ;)

I hope you have a Merry Christmas Eve (or Christmas, depending where you're reading from).

See you soon

Sarah