Chapter Fourteen

Annabelle handed her another tissue from the Kleenex box sitting on her lap as Amber obediently took it. She put it up to her nose while she babbled on incoherently at times, of the terrible mess she was in and how was she ever going to be able to tell Steve? And what would he do?

She bent her head and sobbed harder as Annabelle gently stroked her hair.

"You need to calm down now, honey, " she said to her in a soothing voice. "I know it feels like the end of the world right now, but it's not."

"You don't understand," she cried. "It just happened…the one time," she choked. "We don't have that kind of re…relationship." She bent her head and sobbed some more.

"Amber, listen to me." She lifted her head up by the chin. "Are you sure this isn't something that you could be happy with? Women raise babies all the time by themselves. This isn't the fifties anymore you know."

She thought of her situation and what would happen if she went home pregnant after everything that had happened. She lived in a small town and would be shunned and worse yet, so would the baby. Especially after Chris' harassing text from earlier and the anger he had toward her over Kevin's death. Going home in this condition just wasn't an option.

Where would she go other wise? She had nowhere and couldn't start over with a newborn. Just the thought of doing it by herself was bad enough, but having a baby so soon after losing Adam and Ava was making her dilemma even worse.

"I can't," she sobbed, "you don't understand. I just can't."

"Then there are solutions to your problem, Amber. No one has to know and it can be over quickly."

She knew what she was saying as the terrible crying stopped, stunned over what she was suggesting. Never in her life would she have ever considered aborting a child she was carrying. There never would have been a reason or scenario that would lead her to that, until now. It frightened her beyond words to think about. She had so much guilt over Adam and Ava how could she add to it by solving her problem that way, but under the circumstances, she felt she had no other choice.

"I…I don't know if I can do that?"

"What about Steve," Annabelle said. "Are you sure you can't talk to him about this? Maybe he will feel differently."

She shook her head as she came off the bed. "He just lost his wife and baby," tears welled in her eyes. "He won't want this. It'll be too hard for him to take."

"Oh lord," Annabelle sighed, getting the scope of the situation.

"I need to think," Amber said. "I need to sort it out and think."

Annabelle stood up and set the box of tissues down on the bed. "You take the night and get yourself calmed down. I think the shock of it has you a bit hysterical. You just try and get some sleep and in the morning, you'll know what to do."

Amber nodded, "Ok, thank you. I'm sorry for laying all of this on you. You don't even know me yet…"

"I invited myself in, remember," she said to her. "I was a young woman once myself and just because I'm old doesn't mean I still don't know what it feels like to be a woman." She put an arm around her and hugged her. "You need to think what is best for you."

Amber nodded as she hugged her back, "Ok."

She left the room and Amber went over to the bed and lay down, taking the box of tissues with her.

"Relax," she whispered. "Just relax. You need to think about what you're going to do."

The tears welled in her eyes again as she rolled over on her side and began to cry again. They hysteria had settled some and now she was just plain scared. There were so many options that were out there but not one of them would make the situation easier or bring her any kind of relief. It was terrifying.

Steve came to mind just then and normally would have calmed her, but not today.

What was her obligation as far as telling him? Would he want to know? Would he regret knowing? Would he even care? That last thought made her shake her head, knowing he would. He was too good of a man not to care.

But that led her to another question. Would he feel obligated to her because of it? She knew he would, but it also felt like a trap for him in her eyes. He would do the right thing simply because he was a decent man, but that doesn't mean he would love it, or her.

That word love crossed her mind about him. Could she love him? She barely knew him really. She respected him immensely and trusted him more right now than anyone else in the world, but did she love him?

She rolled over the other way, fearing that thought. It was a dangerous emotion that had played havoc with her life. It was risky to love. Would she be able to love this baby?

She knew she would, not having to think twice about that again. Maybe this was fate, giving her a second chance. Her odds of conceiving another child after Ava were slim, yet here she was. Maybe it was fate for the both of them she thought next, not just her.

She tried to picture herself in Hawaii with a baby and with Steve, sitting on a beautiful beach with crystal blue water in front of her watching him play in the surf with their child.

It was a nice vision and relaxed her, playing out the peaceful dream as she drifted off to sleep.

…

The thunder over the cabins roared and woke Steve out of a dead sleep. Seconds later the room brightened with a flash of lightening and then the thunder rumbled again.

"Damn," he whispered, getting up and going to the window. He pulled the decorative curtains back just as a streak of lightening flashed across the sky in front of him, lighting up the main cottage and the row of cabins behind it where Amber's was located.

He wondered if she were awake too? Wishing now they had cabins closer together.

It suddenly dawned on him that this was the furthest they had been apart in over three months of hiking together.

He actually missed her. It was an odd sensation, trying to decipher what that meant. They needed this space between them, that he was sure of, but now that the annoyance had settled and he did have the space, it didn't sit well with him.

Lightening lit up the sky again and another roar of thunder shook the cabin. He smiled over the excitement of it, always loving a good thunderstorm. But what came next he wasn't so thrilled with.

He heard the rain on the roof seconds before he saw the downpour in the darkness. The lights from the main cabin disappeared in the haze as it came down in buckets.

All Steve could think about was the hike and what a muddy fricking mess it was going to be.

The excitement of the storm suddenly changed and it wasn't as much fun anymore. He stepped away from the window and went back to bed, reaching over for his phone and seeing that it was already four thirty eight in the morning. Two hours before they would begin for the day, hoping the rain let up between now and then.

"Shit," he moaned, hearing it pounding on the roof, "This is not good."

He rolled over deciding that there was nothing he could do about it so why waste a good nights sleep in a comfortable bed stressing over Mother Nature's fury.

He let the early morning stress go and pictured he and Amber sitting on the banks of the mountain lake they had come across while hiking over the Sierra's. It was like a mirror as the trees and sky above reflected off of it. They both agreed it was the most beautiful thing they had ever seen. He was glad he hadn't witnessed it alone and that she was with him. It just made it all the more pleasurable, feeling relaxed by it now as well.

Within seconds he was back to sleep.

Amber lay in bed staring off into the darkness. She was aware of the thunderstorm outside, having been awoken from it, but now that she was awake, her mind was consumed with the baby that was inside of her and not the heavy downpour outside of her cabin.

"What am I going to do?" she whispered.

The thought of ending the pregnancy crossed her mind again and she closed her eyes, trying to ward off the dreadful feeling that went along with it.

"You're a strong person," she whispered. "You can do the PCT why can't you raise a child on your own. You practically did it with Ava and Adam and they were angels."

She still had money from the sale of the house and what was in Kevin's 401k. It wasn't much, certainly not enough to start fresh somewhere else and care for a new baby.

She thought of Steve then as being the father, knowing he would help, but she also couldn't help but think of the terrible ordeal with his wife and baby. It would be so heartbreaking for him. It made her mindful once again of the same effect a baby would have on her. The grief over losing Ava and Adam overwhelmed her and her thoughts drifted back to the quick solution that would protect her from that fearful scenario.

She rolled over as tears filled her eyes, "What am I going to do?"

…..

Morning came but the stormy weather hid the sun behind dark and ominous clouds as the rain continued on.

Amber had no intention of hiking today; hoping Steve felt the same way.

At that moment she heard her phone buzz across the way seeing his name appear, knowing he was wanting to talk about the day, the same as they had done every morning since first joining up.

'Maybe,' she thought as she went to her phone, 'maybe I should let him go on by himself, part ways now. He'd never have to know. It would save him so much heartache.'

Are you up? he texted.

Yes. Not really wanting to see him just yet, but it was inevitable.

I'm coming over, he replied.

She let out a long drawn out moan, feeling sick to her stomach, but knew it had nothing to do with the pregnancy.

He must have run through the rain or been at the main cabin because less than a minute later he knocked.

She ran her hands down her face and took in a deep breath. "You can do this," she whispered. "Whatever decision you feel strongly about first, just go with it, it will be the right one."

She opened the door and met his smile that was partially hidden behind a wet beard. He wiped his hand over his hair and came inside.

"It's raining really hard," he chuckled. "Did you get any sleep?"

"Some," Amber replied. 'Let him go,' she thought. 'Let him go home and live in peace. He deserves it. He saved you once, now you save him from this.'

"I don't know about you, but I vote for one more night here and let the rain pass. What do you think?"

Amber walked past him and sat on the edge of the bed by the nightstand. "I don't think I'm going to go on at all," she replied softly.

He thought he heard her correctly but had to hear it again to make sure. "What?"

She glanced over at his stunned expression and then turned away, not able to face him. "I'm not going tomorrow. You can go on without me."

"Why?" his voice mirrored his shock and frustration over that news that came out of nowhere. "Is it me, have I overstated my welcome?" he asked bewildered, wondering if maybe he had pushed her too far with his annoying habits.

She shook her head. "No, of course not. I'm just done with it. I don't care if I don't finish."

"Don't say you don't care if you don't finish," he said, knowing that was a cop out and not the real truth. "I know how much you want to get to Canada. We're almost there, Amber. Don't quit now. We'll take a couple of days and rest up. We could use that. You'll feel differently then."

"No I won't!" she snapped, hating what she was doing, but it was the only plan she had. "I don't want it anymore. I'm tired; I'm sore and I'm just done with it. You go and finish. You can do it a lot faster alone anyway."

"That's bullshit," he said, feeling a panic rise up in him over her sudden departure, staring her down but she refused to look at him. He knew the physical strain wasn't the reason or she would have quit months ago. They were actually less physically torn up now, their bodies having adjusted to the day-to-day trauma. "Just quit giving me that line of shit and tell me the truth."

"That is the truth," she replied. "I think you should just go on ahead."

He took a second and put his frustration aside, knowing that wasn't it. She was just as eager to reach the finish line as he was. He'd heard it from her too many times to resolve the fact that just over night she was going to change her mind.

He went over to her and stood in front of her, "I'm not going without you."

"Yes you are!" she shouted, coming off the bed. She was in this now and couldn't back out. "I want you to go on without me! It's over for me! Just go!" she went in the bathroom and slammed the door closed. "I'm done with it!"

He forwent frustration and straight to anger, "Fine! Give up! Go back to Indiana and crawl under the covers, Amber. I don't give a shit anymore!"

She heard the cabin door open and then slam shut; feeling it all the way to her core. Hoping she never saw him again, because she wasn't sure she could say goodbye to him in any normal way. She sat down on the edge of the tub and put her hands over her face and started to cry. It was so much harder than she ever dreamt it would be, but she just kept telling herself it was the best thing for him.

He stood outside in the rain completely dumbfounded over what just went down. His stubborn side wanted to just go back to his cabin, pack up and be done with her, but his rational side just couldn't accept the reasons she was giving him. They had been through too much together to just end it like this. He deserved more than the lame ass excuse she was trying to give him.

"Goddamn her," he growled. He turned around and stormed back into her cabin.

Amber lifted her head hearing the door open again.

"I want an explanation!" he demanded, standing a few feet from the closed bathroom door. "A real one this time."

When she didn't respond he wanted to break the door down and shake her until he had his answer, but somewhere between his anger and his frustration, his emotions turned on him and he felt fearful for her and for himself. He wasn't ready to say goodbye to her just yet.

"Amber," he said calmly, making one last ditch effort to save their friendship. "We've been through too much together to let it end this way. Whatever it is we can work it out. In the beginning of this hike I was just trying to escape reality…and then I met you. I thought if I helped you make it to the end that somehow I could exonerate all the guilt I had over Catherine's death. But along the way I made a real friend, and I'm sorry, but I'm just not ready to give up that friendship without a fight. I can't continue on without you. I don't want to. If you're out, I'm out too."

It felt selfish but she didn't care. She didn't want him to go away with bad thoughts about her. In her plan to send him on his way she never once considered that he would take it so hard; that surprisingly touched her. He was genuinely wounded

He ran his over his dripping wet hair, waiting, listening.

"I trusted you Amber. You were a stranger to me and I trusted you with things that no one else knew. And you…you trusted me too. When did all that change? Why the secrecy and the lies all of a sudden? What did I do for you to think that I would just walk away and accept the bullshit you're throwing at me now? I don't deserve this and you know it. I deserve the truth, Amber. I think I've earned it."

He stepped back hearing her unlock the bathroom door.

She stood before him with puffy eyes and red cheeks.

Whatever was troubling her he thought, had a really good hold of her because she looked liked she'd been through the ringer.

"Tell me," he pleaded. "I've got your back no matter what it is, you have to know that by now."

She wanted to see his face when she told him. He couldn't hide the truth with his first impression.

"I'm pregnant," she said softy, staring right into his eyes when she said it.

He didn't need her to repeat that, hearing her loud and clear. His mind reeling over how she could have hidden that from him all this time. His eyes went down to her stomach not seeing the evidence that she was that far along, counting back the time they had been hiking together, assuming she had conceived just before the beginning of the hike, which again seemed so incredible that she could have hid that from him, especially the night that they were together. How could he not have known?

And then all at once it hit him, sending a shock through his entire body.

She wasn't pregnant that night. She got pregnant from him that night.

He felt his knees buckle just slightly over the impact of the news that caught him without warning. He stared at her, but his mind was on that night in the hotel room as images flashed before him of the two of them in bed and the spontaneous moment that caught both of them by surprise and even more so now. He selfishly hadn't considered the outcome to be this, more concerned with how it would change their relationship.

To his relief it hadn't changed it, until now.

She watched him closely as he computed the information. To her surprise he wasn't as shocked by it as she had thought, which was comforting. He seemed to be mulling over the information in a calm non-threatened manner, and then his expression changed.

Her heart sank to her stomach, seeing the shock on his face that she was hoping to avoid. She realized that more than likely he was just now coming to the understanding that he was indeed the father.

She sat down on the edge of the bed as he stared at her, but in a way that she wasn't even sure if knew she were still there. A bomb probably could have exploded and his mind wouldn't be able to deal with that disaster over the one she was sure he was dealing with now.

He somehow knew there was a chair behind him, or maybe just hoped as he practically stumbled backwards, reaching back for it as he sat down at the same time.

Amber thought it somewhat amusing that he actually made it in the chair without landing on his butt next to it.

'A baby,' he thought, still shocked over the announcement; the impact of it becoming full circle in his thought process. 'How could you do this to her? How could you do it to Catherine?'

"Steve," she said softly, not wanting to startle him out of the trance that had overtaken his body. "Tell me what you're thinking right now. The first words that come to mind."

He blinked a couple of times and did as he was told, speaking as if he were out of breath.

"Shocked, ashamed, confused, shocked." His eyes showed the next word all too well. "Guilty."

The room became blurred as her eyes filled with tears. He was experiencing everything she was too. Her next question she was almost afraid to ask but wanted to catch him when he was vulnerable to get the truth.

"What do you think we should do?"

He looked over at her as if stunned by that question, giving her the answer she didn't want.

"What ever you want, Amber. I'll support whatever you want to do."

She came off the bed in a furry, "Don't say that! That's not fair! You can't put all of this on my shoulders!"

He was taken back by her outburst, thinking it was the right thing to say, but she was right, it wasn't. "I'm sorry. You're right. I was trying to be…I don't know supportive I guess. To say the right thing," he looked down shamefully at the floor, running his hand over his still damp hair, "but it was the easy thing to say and nothing about this situation is going to be easy."

"There isn't an easy way out," Amber agreed, "but there is a quick way." She looked up at him to once again get his first initial reaction over what she was suggesting, assuming by his 'supporting her in whatever she wanted to do' comment was what he was thinking as well.

He looked over at her, knowing what she was offering, feeling the muscles in his neck tighten and strain over having to make that decision. It would be quick yes, but the ramifications from it could be life long.

"I don't know. Is that something…" he hesitated not wanting to give her the impression that he was 100% on board with it, because he wasn't, "Is that something you've already thought about?"

She turned and sat back down on the bed, feeling sick to her stomach. "Yes. But I've never done it before," she quickly added, not wanting him to think that it was something she was easily considering, because she wasn't. "I've never even considered that before ever in my life."

"I know that Amber," he replied, coming off the chair and going to the bed, sitting down next to her. "I never have either nor would I," he sighed, thinking over both of their current life situations, "at least I never thought I would." He too felt a little nauseous.

She looked over at him. "I don't know if I can be pregnant so soon after…" she broke down and started to cry, leaning in to him as he put an arm around her shoulder.

"I know," he whispered, "me too."

The idea of having a baby so soon after losing Catherine and their unborn child was just too hard to imagine right now. He remembered feeling the overwhelming excitement when he found out about the first pregnancy. It had brought tears to his eyes, but it was tears of joy, and there was no joy anywhere inside of him over this news, and he was pretty sure Amber felt the same.

"There's a place," she began, "in Ashland. A clinic," she clarified, "where we could…or I could go," she paused, "and get it done."

"We could go," he said reassuringly. "Is it painful to have a…the procedure I mean?" neither one wanted to say the actual word.

Amber shrugged, "I don't know." But they were both thinking the same thing; it wasn't going to be physically painful as much as it was going to be mentally or emotionally.

"What do you think?" Steve said with a heavy sigh.

Amber pretty much knew where he stood by now but assumed he was just being cooperative and not stating what he really felt. He didn't want the baby.

"We should go," she replied softly, trying to hold back the sorrow that was filling her over their dilemma and the decision that she felt was the right one for now. Neither of them was prepared emotionally for this.

"Maybe we should take a day or two and…"

"No," she cut him off, "it has to be today." She couldn't sit around and ponder it. If it was going to happen it needed to happen quickly.

….

Annabelle handed Steve the keys to her old Subaru Forester. He insisted on giving her his credit card with a twenty-five thousand dollar limit and having her charge him ten thousand just for her peace of mind, insuring they weren't just a couple of schmucks taking off with her car. She could refund the amount back on the card minus a hundred just for the use of it for the day.

She reluctantly agreed, believing they were genuine people.

Amber stood on the passenger side with Annabelle as the older woman took her by the arm, leading her away out of Steve's earshot.

"You listen to me honey," she said sternly, "if you get there and you decide this isn't want you want, then you stand up and say so. He seems like a decent and honest man but if you want to go through with this pregnancy, you just remember what I told you last night. Women have babies all the time by themselves and he'll help you, one way or another, the law says that, but he doesn't have to be a part of it either."

Amber forced a smile for her, knowing she was just trying to be helpful, but that thought had crossed her mind already a hundred times. She was confused and scared and for the life of her she just couldn't see a light at the end of the tunnel if she kept it.

'Thank you Annabelle."

She hugged the old woman and got in the car with Steve.

….

The forty-mile drive to Ashland was silent between them. The radio was on to a country station that was set by Annabelle but neither one of them heard the music, too caught up in their own thoughts.

Steve glanced over at her but her face was turned away as she stared out the window. Neither had talked about it, but the hike was over, at least for him. The excitement of reaching Canada was gone now. He wasn't angry over it, or even bitter, it just didn't hold the status anymore that it did the day before. Amber was his priority now. He felt he was to blame for putting her in this position. It was his responsibility to have taken care of the protection needed that night. He wanted it more than she did. He was convinced of that.

Even with what was happening he couldn't bring himself to regret that night. She was there for him in so many different ways leading up to it. He respected her more than just about anyone he knew. They trusted each other. It's what made them so compatible. It also made him wonder if they were doing the right thing because of that.

He reached back and grabbed the back of his neck and squeezed, feeling the muscles tighten, trying to shake off the one plan that was sitting in the back of his conscience that he'd yet to offer up to Amber. It was scary and risky. He wished he had someone to talk it out with, but there was no one to call this time. Danny was out of the question. He was too embarrassed on some levels, knowing how irresponsible he'd been. Danny would understand in the end, but it scared him knowing which side of the road he'd be on. And it wouldn't be on the one they were traveling right now.

He wondered too why he was there? He'd always prided himself on stepping up and facing his responsibilities and mistakes, but this time he was doing the opposite. He was running away from it at sixty miles an hour to a place that could wipe it all away in a matter of minutes. He asked himself again, why was he there?

'Catherine,' he thought.

When it came down to it, it was all about her and the horrible guilt he felt over her death, and here he was stacking more on top of it. How could he do that to her memory so soon after losing her? What would she want him to do? And if the tables were turned what would he want her to do?

'What should I do, Cat? Tell me what to do.'

Amber pushed the button on the window, rolling it down a couple of inches to let in some fresh air. She too was feeling the anxiety of where they were headed, hearing Annabelle's voice telling her that she had a choice.

She thought of the night she had conceived, feeling guilty for putting Steve in the position he was now. She kissed him first. She led him on in her lonely, drunken stupor. She should have been responsible enough to stop it, but she didn't, knowing why too. She needed someone to want her in that way. She needed to know that she was still desirable. Kevin had reduced her to a fraction of the woman she used to be and Steve had built her back up again. He just looked so good that night and he was such a good man to her. It was like an aphrodisiac, she couldn't help it nor did she regret it, even now.

She felt a flutter in her stomach as tears filled her eyes. She knew it couldn't be the baby, it was far too soon, but nonetheless she felt life inside of her and she couldn't help but be reminded of Adam and Ava and what it felt like to carry both of them. It was the happiest time of her life. Was she too hastily giving up that happiness once again?

It made her mindful of what Steve would do if she put a stop to it like Annabelle had said. Would he be angry, resentful? Would he even be a part of it? They knew each other well, but that was in this world. She really knew nothing about him in the real world. And as much as she wanted to believe they were similar places, they couldn't have been further apart.

They pulled into Ashland yet neither one of them felt even remotely the sign of relief that they should have.

…..

Steve held the glass door open for Amber that read 'Ashland Women's Clinic' in black cursive writing.

The room they entered looked like any ordinary doctor's office waiting room, complete with a door to the right where people entered to see the doctor and a door to the left where they exited from and a receptionist behind a counter between them both. Neither was sure what to expect, maybe something darker and more ominous for the reason they were there, but it wasn't like that at all.

There were three other people in the room waiting who stared at them as they walked to the window as if knowing their story. Amber couldn't help but feel judged by them.

"Hi," the woman behind the counter said as they approached. "Do you have an appointment?"

"Um, no," Amber replied. "Do I need one?" she asked, hoping that maybe they would have to come back.

"Not necessarily," she said, "What do you need to see the doctor about?"

Amber swallowed, feeling her stomach churn as she explained in the most delicate way she could without using the word to describe the actual procedure, whispering as she did. "Um, I'm pregnant and…um, I…" she swallowed again, "I don't want to be."

"You need a pregnancy termination?" the woman clarified.

"Yes," Amber replied quietly.

"We can get you in today pretty quickly actually," she said as if that were a good thing.

Steve stood next to her and felt as helpless as he had in any situation he'd ever been in. He was supposed to be there to support her but what kind of support could he offer, or worse yet, what kind was he giving her by being there in the first place?

Her voice alone stressed her fear, it was crystal clear, yet here they were, accepting the forms and taking a seat, waiting for their name to be called to make it all go away.

His mind was consumed with doubt as he watched Amber fill out the forms. Her hand gently shook and she had to cross out and re-write personal information two different times, and yet there he sat, not saying a word but on the inside he was pleading for something, anything.

'Oh god Cat, tell me what to do? Tell me what to do?'

The seven minutes they sat there seemed like an eternity, neither looking at, nor touching the other. Yet both were finally on the same page but each too afraid to speak up, until the moment came to a head.

"Amber Scott," the young nurse called out, standing at the open door to the right where patients were guided back to the exam rooms.

Her body stiffened, hearing her name being called. She gripped tightly onto the clipboard in her hands that held her paperwork.

Out of nowhere Steve suddenly heard Amber's voice in the tent the day of the avalanche, assuring him that the loss of his baby with Catherine was just as heartbreaking as hers. It wasn't the subject that struck him now but her words that she had used that came full circle.

'You were a father that lost a baby,' she had said, 'It doesn't matter how or when. That baby was yours and you were its father the second it was conceived."

When the nurse didn't get a response she called her name again. "Amber Scott?"

She felt as though she were in a fog as she moved to get up, feeling his arm come across her body.

Steve suddenly reached across and grabbed the wooden arm of her chair, blocking her from getting up.

"Don't go," he said almost breathless.

She looked over at him just as shocked as he was over his dismissal of the act.

"Don't go," he said again, meeting her eyes as he spoke to her. "I don't want you to do it." He stared at her, searching her eyes for something beyond the shocked look, not sure if she approved with his impulsive decision until she replied.

"Ok," she agreed without a hint of regret or argument.

"Ok?" he repeated to make sure she really was on board.

"I don't want to do it either."

He let out a winded sigh of relief and took the clipboard from her hands and stood up, walking over to the nurse at the door and handed her the paperwork. "We changed our mind," he said to her.

She smiled and nodded, taking the clipboard. "Congratulations then."

Her response was unexpected but he had no reply to it, going back to Amber as she stood by the chair. He didn't say anything or even look directly at her. He simply took her hand and led her out of the clinic to the street.

The rain had started again and they huddled close together by a wall around the corner that had an overlay from the roof.

He finally looked at her seeing that she had beaten him to it, seeing a variety of emotions in her eyes as well as tears as she stared at him.

"Tell me what you're thinking right now?" he asked nervously.

"Relieved. Thankful," her voice broke. "Thankful." She reached up and hugged him, feeling his arms come around and hold her tightly.

"Me too," he replied. "It didn't feel right, Amber," he confessed. "It just felt wrong."

All he could remember as he sat in the chair, hearing Amber's name being called, was her words and Catherine's too that she had always reminded him to rely on when he doubted himself. 'Trust your instincts,' she would say. And in that moment of clarity he felt he had.

Where they went from here, he had no clue.

She felt comforted by his tender embrace and the fact that he had stepped up and been the brave one to speak for the both of them, but the one question still had her fearful.

Was she even ready for something like this? Was he?

That answer was clear. No, they weren't, not by a long shot.