"I believe in love because I am never satisfied"
The days passed and the tension of that day accumulated in a nest of conflicts settled in his chest, how desperate he felt to consume it daily! How emotional weariness surrounded him! However, he would not give up on the new challenge that was presented in time and form. No, rather, he would face the penalties of having to support his special person no matter how complicated the tour is; if he supported her with his forehead raised, she would notice him as a possible love candidate.
He had to conquer her in one way or another, in the way that was possible and incidentally, credible. Because he wouldn't make a fool of himself as a certain person —Kin-chan— to conquer her by obligation.
No sir, he would conquer her so that she would feel supported and loved by him, he would make her feel safe in his arms, he would give her everything in order to see her smile, he would always take care of her and grant her all her whims to the smallest, he would also make her see that the smallest details of her person he saw them clearly and didn't forget such important things as those.
He was certainly the ideal candidate for her.
She still didn't return home, but he could see her on the University campus in the company of her friends and Ryo. An irritation arose in his chest, preventing him from concentrating on his routine life, which he so easily designed to continue his life in the best way possible, anyway, she would not return home even if it hurt.
It irritated him to see her in the company of Ryo for being the origin of that ominous idea.
She looked so calm, he did not want to ruin her mood, the same that fascinated him so much to watch from a distance without anyone noticing.
He gave an overwhelming sigh and headed for his next class in the engineering building where Matsumoto was waiting for him. He was already very aware of Matsumoto's feelings that she loved him in the romantic sense and longed for him as a boyfriend, but certainly, he would never fall in love with someone other than Kotoko.
Leaving his last class of the day, he went to the cafeteria feeling that hunger was coming to him. Matsumoto approached him, taking him by the right arm where his hand hung from his side.
"I like being like this with you," She said in a flirtatious way.
"Hm," He blew snubbed, causing her to raise her head questioningly.
"What's that about?"
"Why don't you respect my privacy?"
"You don't have to treat me like that." She said indignantly with his reaction.
"Me?" He pretended surprise. "Rather, you." He pointed at her with a withering look. "You should respect my privacy as soon as I need it, like right now," He said, after getting rid of her contact and going to another address if he was chased to the cafeteria by that persistent woman.
"You've been in a bad mood recently." She shrugged in a sad gesture.
Well yes, he was in a very bad mood to deal with more problems on his back.
He passed through the pastures of the university façade, tracing a different path between his feet than he used to take, in any case, guarding his numb hands between his pants pockets by the simple fact of being frustrated of the events that were approaching in the future .
Clearly, fate would not have mercy on him even if things didn't go as he wished.
Rather, fate hates him.
He jumped into the air, bombarded with harmful thoughts.
Suddenly, he stopped. He saw her lying in a corner of the pasture, in spring blossom, as if recharging positive energies to activate; In a way, a preparation.
She was calm, wearing headphones and breathing accompanied. Nothing could interrupt her small world of reflection and music, the one he so envied could reach someday.
He turned to her, but not before if he didn't turn sideways in case someone followed him. When he realized that nobody was following him, he deduced that it was time to approach her.
Pre-caused as he could, he sat next to her, with his legs crossed, he let his back stand up to recharge his elbows.
The soft sight filled him a little, noting that on top of him stood a huge tree with a great crown and the bird's squeak was accompanied by the breeze of the wind.
She always knew how to find the best places to relax.
And he knew how to find her when he longed to see her.
He felt that the minutes passed by, circulating and advancing, however he was careful not to interfere in the pacifism of Kotoko, who looked just like sleeping beauty. Yes, it was one of the few times he watched her sleep (if he did), in the late afternoon.
He noticed that she opened her eyes, realizing that she was not the only person who was asleep in the grassland.
"Naoki-kun." She mentioned his name calmly, making him tremble inside as he processed the sound of her voice invading his eardrums. "What brings you here?" She asked, stretching her arms up.
"Not much," he snorted out the voice that was shaking from talking to her.
"Are you visiting me?" Her face lit up when she asked the question, scrutinizing as she saw him.
"What's that about?" He dodged the question, hiding his gaze in the tree canopy that provided shade, giving the impression of being in the clouds.
She looked at him astonishing, shifting her relaxed features to some cautious ones; He frowned, surprised at her behavior.
"You didn't answer my question." She said wrinkling her eyebrows, trying to get up next to him.
"There is no need to answer you." He slid his fingertips along the narrow line that the grassland movement was on par with the wind, which crashed against the tips of his fingers. There was some comfort in that strange action, where he tried with all his being to make a young man uninterested in life notice, but he longed to be loved. Dearly for her. "Besides, why do you lie in a place like this?" He added monotonously, without changing any of his facial gestures.
"I wanted to rest," She responded quickly, bending her knees to her chest. "To distract me a little, since I have to participate in that contest." She complained, shrugging. "It's so annoying to participate." She hid his face in the opening provided by her knees.
He noticed her upset by the fact that she had to participate in the contest that his mother forcibly nominated to enter. His mother was not ashamed to have meddled in matters that didn't concern her.
No one, not even his mother, should distress her. They deserved the worst! He gritted his teeth as he reflected on the tremendous burden that was placed on Kotoko's shoulders.
"You don't have to participate, if you don't want to." He made sure he tried to sound accurate. Something in his voice came out differently, because it didn't sound without emotions, but with concern. "It's not your obligation, Kotoko"
"Do you think that?" She lifted her head from her knees, letting them stretch across the cool ground and her arms extended to the point of almost touching him, but she didn't because she wanted to move them to a different posture.
She leaned on her elbows, just like him.
"I only say what I think." He saw her sideways, appreciating her slender figure that caused him so much warm sensations that grew inside him as he noticed her appear in front of his sight.
"Thank you, Naoki-kun." She smiled gleaming, detailing from her own skin that she exerted radiant energy on him, which served as the engine for his feelings to continue to grow.
"Whatever" He snapped, clenching his lips.
"I'll show you something," She said suddenly, approaching him, removing a headphone from her ear to give it to him.
"Something like what?" He demanded to know, raising his chin in a defensive position, since his heart skipped a beat.
"Just put it on." She handed her the headphone, where he corresponded to the gesture. "We will travel across the universe," She applauded excitedly, shaking her legs and head without her beautiful smile disappearing from her face.
"Okay." He agreed to his suggestions, similar to granting all his whims.
The song of "Pulsar" appeared just when he wished to plunge into a whirlpool of said sensations of which would be equivalent to the events that were happening in his mind. Being an individual with few friends, (in fact he only had one, of which he did not speak or frequent, for reasons that were not worth highlighting); he was not of many words, but of gestures that allowed him to approach the people with whom he felt comfortable. It is worth mentioning that there was only one person who made him behave that way, in order to obtain her affections to also grow along with him, of course.
He didn't believe in love, nor in the subjective statements that respected the term, since he considered them as gross. He didn't believe in the nonsense of love from which his mother so much fed his family with confusing lessons for him to decipher.
He didn't believe in love, rather he believed in Kotoko.
And everything he could forgive her, as long as she was willing to belong to him.
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P.S. (Mention of the song "Pulsar" from Gustavo Cerati)