Clay's dressed ready to go, in his combat gear. He's nervously waiting around in the changing area for Jason to arrive. Walking around, pacing anxiously back and forward, going in and out of his cage. He's apprehensively moving things around in there, then putting them back as he continues to wait. Then he checks the time on his watch, again. Time is getting on and he's close to being late, but he's desperately wanting to speak with Jason before they enter the briefing.
Oh, I need to go. I can't afford to be late, not today. That won't be good after last night.
As he leaves the sanctuary of the locker room that's when he spots Jason in the corridor, walking with Sonny.
"Hey Jace" he frowns, running down the hallway to catch them " Hey..hey Jason! Hi" he smiles acknowledging Sonny as well "Jason, could I have a word, before we start ?"
Jason looks at him and then checks his watch "Sorry but we need to get in the briefing, we're late already!"
"Five minutes, that's all I need "He looks again at Sonny, then back at Jason "It won't take long." He smiles at them both "I just need a quick word, it's about something important."
Jason's annoyed by the interruption, and he takes a deep breath in "Alright you got two minutes! So make it quick."
"Thanks " Clay smiles. As they turn around to head back to the changing room, Clay puts his hand on Sonny's chest "It's um..it's personal. If you know what I mean."
Sonny frowns wondering What the hell could be so personal that he can't be allowed to overhear them?
"Fine!" Sonny shrugs his shoulders "Just ignore me. I wanna get a coffee first anyhow. Can't do with another of Blackburn's boring briefings, without out more caffeine. Especially not after last night. You know those girls, they sure as hell know how to party!" He smiles and winks "You sure missed a good one there Clay. I could have done with ya as my wing man. That Stacey ... oh boy, was she some naughty minx!"
He stops talking, just long enough, to notice that they both have very serious looks on their faces now "Well, I guess you had to be there." he coughs awkwardly "Yeah well, I'll leave ya to it then!"
Clay opens the door to the locker room. Jason enters, reluctantly. Crossing his arms in a folded position he crosses to the other side of the room away from Clay . He put a piece of chewing gun in his mouth and starts anxiously chewing, in a frantic annoyed way. Watching as Clay closes the door behind them, before wedging the weight of his boot against the bottom edge so that no one can get in.
He's watching as Jason's now the one who nervously paces around. He enters his own cage then not knowing what to do, in this tense, one on one situation. So, he starts picking things up, toying with them for a few moments then just randomly putting them down again.
"What the hell is this Clay?" he's blunt and sharp in his tone "We have a briefing room full of people, who are waiting for us, so they can start, so make it quick"
"I... I just wanted to say, thanks. You know for last night. You'd left before I could say anything this morning. To be honest I thought you would still be there, when I woke up. You know it being the first time and all"
"Yeah and so you said in the text you sent. I get the picture." Jason frowns I can see the questioning look on Clay's face "Oh, what, did you had your feelings crushed cos I forgot to kiss your goodbye before I left for work? Is that what this is about? Oh, so what Clay, grown up!"
He shrugs hurtfully " Now can we get to this briefing, before Blackburn has both our ass's for his own enjoyment!"
Clay frowns confused "That's it? You're not gonna say anything about last night. No, I enjoyed it, it was great, thanks for giving me a good time. I don't know, something along those lines, something other than this ice man, I don't care routine"
"No Clay. No, I already told ya, that part of my life it doesn't come here. It and the Navy it doesn't mix. And you need to understand that. The Jason from last night and what he does...he's not part of my work life. " he takes a deep breath in, sighing "See...see, that's why this, it was a mistake. Sleeping with you, it crossed the boundaries I set. I knew it was a mistake and I knew you wouldn't be able to handle the reality of it"
"Jason!" Clay steps away from the door.
He is right about one thing, his feelings are crushed. But everything he's saying now, it's making it worse, making him feel worse. Making him feel like what they did that somehow it was dirty, and most of all wrong. It might have to be a secret, but surely they could still enjoy the moment? That if it did have to be kept out of sight, then what was the reason for Jason to treat him like this, It didn't have to be like that. He follows him over to the other side of the room
"Jace, look at me."
Then he grabs hold of him and pulls him around, so they're staring at each other. He puts his hand to Jason's cheek before attempting to kiss his lips "I didn't get to say thank you. You know, I had a really good time and I'd um...I'd like to do it again"
Jason just stares at him. He's so annoyed with him. Fuming with anger that Clay's doing this now and he pushes him back. He's grabbing him by the collar of his shirt before slamming him backwards, hard, against the cage grill. "What the fuck do you think you're doing?"
"I um..." Clay's flustered by Jason's venomous rage. Hurt not only physically by the force with which he pushed him back, but the emotional denial. "Look Jason, I just wanted to .. you know. I just wish you hadn't left like that." he sighs rubbing his head " I always imagined we'd wake up together, have breakfast, sit in bed and talk, cuddle that sort of thing. I'm sorry, I don't really know how all this works. How we handle this relationship now ?"
"Get the fuck away from me, alright! I already told you this doesn't come to work. That last night. That life, you need to learn to leave it there, in the bedroom. Don't bring it out here Clay. This might be a more tolerant world but trust me it won't wash, not between two Navy seals like us. Like I told it's nothing to with the male on male aspect, though..." he laughs dismissively "...that still is a big deal. But it's a relationship, any relationship. you know that"
He takes a deep breath rubbing his hands through his hair and sighs " We fucked, Clay end of! You wanted it, I wanted it, we did it, but now that's where it ends. You knew what you were doing when you flirted with me, but I thought you understood. So, don't be coming around me like this and don't be texting me."
He takes another moments pause. Again running his hands in his hair. He can see the hurt in Clay's eyes, and feeling slightly guilty about his behavior, he softens his tone.
"Look, I'm not saying it won't happen again, just that I'm not planning it anytime soon. You were a good fuck and yes, yes I enjoyed it; there you go so does that make you feel better?"
"No, no it doesn't" Clay's lip quivers. He's hurt and more than a little upset. How could this be the same person from last night. The Jason last night was caring and showed him respect, he made sure he didn't hurt him. This one is going all out to destroy all those feeling and he's also a hurt by how aggressive he is "Okay, okay I get it. You don't want anyone to know. But is there any reason to act like this?"
"Clay, it's not that I don't want anyone to know, it's just they can't know! Do you have any idea what will happen if anyone finds out ? Clay, you need to get real. What you want that kind of life out in the open with another man? Well then fine, if that's what you want then go ahead. Go find your perfect man, but don't be dragging me into it, cos it's not gonna happen"
"Jason please don't do this. I mean last night was great, and I know you cared, you cared for me. You weren't this this monster that you are now. I know you; this isn't how you are, not really"
"Monster? " he laughs "No I'm just getting real. You need to deal with it, cos this is how it is now".
Clay struggles with his emotions. Slamming his hand hard into the cage causing it to shake and the grills to rattle "Fuck!"
His heart hurts and doubles in half, as he tries to get a grip on his emotions. He needs to, before the briefing. He can't be acting like this in there. He adjusts his uniform, tidying himself up and then takes a deep breath in C'mon on Clay, get it together!
Jason stares at him "I need to go. I can't be listening to this anymore."
"Jason..." Clay calls him, stopping him leaving the room "..you know, there are guys out there who want me. Nice guys, ones that want more than to just fuck. Is that what I was to you? Just a fuck." He sneers angrily "Cos, you know I think Devon was right, he said I was expecting too much from you. And yeah I knew it wouldn't be all hearts and flowers, but I did expect a little more respect."
He swallows the emotion that's building into a dry knot in his throat "You do realize, it was my first time. I mean I've never let a guy fuck me before, so it was special, and now..." his lip quivers again, an angry look on his face ."Well I'm just telling you, there are some guys who are offering me more"
Jason smiles "Devon? You mean you spoke to Devon about us? Yeah well he told me"
He laughs "You know what he also told me? He told me he wants to fuck you. Just fuck you then he'll chew you up and spit you out." he smiles " You're saying you think that's all I wanted, just to fuck, well I'm telling you, Devon's a whole new ball game. Don't go there Clay. You will get hurt. Devon is not what you think"
"What, hurt, like now? Hurt like you've hurt me, you mean? At least he won't break my heart right, cos he can't." Clay can feel himself getting angry, he clenches his hand into a fist, letting it go and then clenching it again "He can't hurt me anymore, cos you already did a great job of that, didn't you. But at least he cared enough to see if I was alright this morning, unlike you" Clay takes a deep breath in "Anyway, I guess it's nothing to do with you, who I see now. You seem to have made it clear that we won't be seeing each other any time soon"
"Clay.." Jason gathers his emotion "Clay, just trust me, and stay away from Devon. He doesn't care about anyone; he just takes what he wants. You'll be just be another notch on his bed post and trust me it won't end well for you. My best advice ...stay the hell away from him"
Clay smiles "Where the fuck do you get off, lecturing me, about getting hurt? Not after what you just did! For your information, I can see who the hell I like and it's nothing to do with you." he frowns just staring at him " So are you offering me more? No. No, you're not. You're not even offering me another fuck are you?"
"You know what, no! You wanna have sex again, then sure fine...fine we can do that again. But more ..more than that, no it can't happen" He takes a deep breath "Clay, you're on my team. I can't, hell I won't put my career and family at risk for you.I mean look what's happening now, after just one night " He looks at his watch "Just one night and we're already late for a briefing"
He takes a deep breath and lets go "Clay, I can't do this with you now, we have to go. We will talk when we get back." he puts his hand on Clay cheek "I'm sorry alright. You want me to stand you down from this op? I can if it will be easier for you."
Clay laughs "Easier for me? Don't you mean easier for you. No, no I'm good. I'm a grown up I think I can handle some asshole who treats me like shit. I mean after all I should be used to you by now"
"Clay... Clay c'mon, that's unfair. Look, don't be like that. I told you I'm not doing this now, but we will talk"
Clay pushes past him in the doorway, ignoring him and strides down the corridor to the briefing
Jason leans his head back against the side of his cage "Shit! I shouldn't have spoken to him like that" He rubs the tension from his forehead, before checking the time again. "Shit! I need to go!"
As Jason enters the briefing room the guys from the team look around to face him. Sonny frowns wondering what's taken so long "You okay Jace?"
"Yeah, yeah I'm good, can we just get on with this, we wasted enough time already this morning"
Jason looks over to where Clay's sitting he has his head down and won't look up to acknowledge Jason looking at him.
Jason can feel the hurt that Clay has inside, and he's sorry for the way he spoke to him, he knows he shouldn't have done that. He'd lashed out, taking his own stress about the situation out on Clay. It was his fault they were in this position, he shouldn't have blurred the lines of work and play, after all he was meant to protect Clay, not hurt him.
He now watches him as he sits there chatting to Sonny, and he's thinking He looks so great in that uniform. It fits his body so well. And he smiles, to himself, remembering how great he looks Out of that uniform as well!
Clay chews his gum, but he doesn't look up, even when Sonny nudges whispering to him "Hey, you okay Clay? You know if you gotta problem you can always talk to me. You know that right?"
"Umm hmm" Clay nods. He eventually looks up and smiles at him "I'm fine. Honestly everything's fine" he smiles " But thanks Sonny it's good to know someone is looking out for me" His eyes glance up and look at Jason who's avoiding him now. He sighs
"Hey, you know Clay, that guy you were with at the club with last night, the one who said he'd take you home. Yeah well we got talking and would you believe, he used to be a Seal. So, I um... I've invited him for some beers, when we get back. You wanna come along?"
Clay smiles "You mean Devon that used to be some sort of friends with Jason. That guy?"
"Yeah, yeah that's the one. He seems a really nice guy"
"Yeah, yeah he is. Yeah sure, why not.I'm up for that, sure thing." he looks up smiling in Jason's direction "Why don't you ask Jason and Ray to come along too?"
"Yeah will do" Sonny nods, as the lights dim and Blackburn points to the screen.
Clay smiles relaxing back in his chair. Should be fun!