Reading in New York: The Beginning Chapter 12, a Harry Potter + Dogma Crossover fanfic

Chapter 12 Perseus's secret plan

AN: WARNING THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS NASTY LYRICS, AND A MENTION OR TWO ( IN PASSING.)

OF M-PREG, IF THIS SQUICKS YOU DON'T READ ANY FURTHER YOU HAVE BEEN WELL AND TRULY WARNED ABOUT THIS… this chapter is a songfic

Perseus's *Point of View*

We were in Severus's quarters, on a dinner date. Remus and Sirius were acting as our chaperones.

"I have a revenge plan which will fix Dumbledore's wagon once and for all!" I growled "That putrid piece of slimy shit is going to get his well deserved just desserts."

"What's your plan?"

"We have a concert, and have the band perform at it."

"What band?"
"Well, Fred and George both play guitar, Natasha plays clarinet, Persephone plays the tenor saxophone and Cassiopeia plays the violin. Draco told me that you play piano"

"You're right, I do, and I also play the Alto Saxophone."

"I play piano, clarinet, bass guitar and glockenspiel. The BSC girls all play instruments too and sing… they have a choir back home. Constance's cousins both play piano. What if I was to write some rap songs and we performed them along with some covers? Maybe while we're in New York?"

"Good idea Perse… we could ask them"

"Would you like to hear the first rap song?"
"I would love to"

"it's about Ginevra… in fact I have written an album with her as the muse"

'Verse 1
Rumours flyin' round same as bats about a belfry

You think you'll have my kid and get very wealthy

Classless lowlife slut always with another guy

Real relationships are something you'll never try

Chorus 1

You're a bed hoppin' relic

Filthy dirty brutal trash bag ho,

You think it takes a lot of guts for guys to tell you no

You're a bed hoppin' relic,

Filthy dirty brutal trash bag ho,

You're a even bigger slut than Blanche Devereaux

Bridge 1

You think that you are such a clever pretty witch

Child, get a clue you ain't nothing but a filthy little bitch

You're a rotten bottom feeding ho just like your momma.

obviously you got your whole whore skill set from her

Verse 2

You're the topic of the gossip goin' round the castle halls

Filthy little slut got always chokin on some dude's balls

Buzz around Hogsmeade is you've even had the portraits on all the castle's walls

Middle eight

Ask me out again and you know my answer will be no

Ginevra Maleficent Dumbledore you ain't nothing but a filthy dirty little HO!

Chorus 2

You're a bed hoppin' relic

Filthy dirty brutal trash bag ho,

You think it takes a lot of guts for guys to tell you no

You're a bed hoppin' relic,

Filthy dirty brutal trash bag ho,

You're a even bigger slut than Blanche Devereaux

Bridge 2

You think that you are such a clever pretty witch

Child, get a clue you ain't nothing but a filthy little bitch

You're a rotten bottom feeding ho just like your momma.

obviously you got your whole whore skill set from her

Verse 3

15 year old mattress more jump than a bouncing bean

reputation already as a dirty nasty bottom feedin' slut

avoid her at all costs you don't know where she's been

she won't take no for an answer, boy, this slut has guts!

Chorus 3

bed hoppin' relic

Filthy dirty brutal trash bag ho,

You think it takes a lot of guts for guys to tell you no

You're a bed hoppin' relic,

Filthy dirty brutal trash bag ho,

You're a even bigger slut than Blanche Devereaux

Bridge 3

You think that you are such a clever pretty witch

Child, get a clue you ain't nothing but a filthy little bitch

You're a rotten bottom feeding ho just like your momma.

obviously you got your whole whore skill set from her

Verse 4

You think you're popular, that you're real close to us

Truth of the matter is we think you're promiscuous

Take a chastity potion and you're gonna bleed out

come on Ginevra don't stand there and pretend you don't know what we're talking 'bout

Chorus 4

You're a bed hoppin' relic

Filthy dirty brutal trash bag ho,

You think it takes a lot of guts for guys to tell you no

You're a bed hoppin' relic,

Filthy dirty brutal trash bag ho,

You're a even bigger slut than Blanche Devereaux

Half bridge 1

You think that you are such a clever pretty witch

Child, get a clue you ain't nothing but a filthy little bitch

Outro

Like mother like daughter rotten to the core

Each thinks she's pretty

Truth is both are filthy dirty nasty whores

Guess who her father is…

That's right It's Albus Dumbledore

You're a bed hoppin' relic

Filthy dirty brutal trash bag ho,

You think it takes a lot of guts for guys to tell you no

Public humiliation sucks, right?

Maybe now you'll think twice

Before spreading nasty lies bout the chosen one

I'm not holding my breath though maybe I should cos your pussy smells putrid like death, I can smell it from here I don't need to be that near you slut you skank you ho! You're gonna lose it all cos you can never tell guys no, shameless promiscuity is your game truth of the matter is it should be your middle name

You pull this shit again

And your brother and father won't be the only ones

With a horse's head in their bed!

remember this boys and girls, don't be absurd

The Dumbledore family are a big bunch of turds

don't copy Ginevra's crimes

or you'll be subjected to my rhymes

and whatever you do… remember when it comes to Ginevra and Maleficent… JUST SAY NO!

peace out!'

"WOW"

"It's in your face isn't it?"
"a bit"

"She deserves it" said Fred and George together.

"That she does boys, that she does"

"have you written anymore?"

"yes I have written a full album's worth of lyrics and I have a couple of covers I want to try"

"OK, show me the lyrics"

"OK"

Ginevra Molly Weasley was a filthy dirty disgusting brutal bottom feeding trash bag ho

DJ Persey BL and the Revenge Crew

Track List

Nobody's Pawn (intro)

15 year old mattress

Bedhopping Relic

Backstabbing Judas in Sensible Shoes

Two Lire Tramp/Putrid slut

Whore Whore Whore you know she likes it

speak softly slut

Smelly twat

bonus tracks

Everything I do I do it for you (instrumental cover)

Fields of Gold (instrumental cover)

Russians (cover)Let me start by telling you

I ain't nobody's pawn

the trust and respect I had for you?

That's all gone

you got to realise and quick

your phoney disposition makes me sick

truth of the matter is,

you're just a dick

I ain't nobody's pawn

I ain't no fool

I ain't nobody's pawn

you ain't cool.15 year old mattress

(To the beat of We Will Rock You)

Ginevra Molly Dumbledore you're nothing but a dirty little whore

(key change to my boyfriend's back - Jersey Boys)

fifteen years old and you have a reputation

(hey la hey la you're a nasty slut)

"If I were you I'd take a permanent vacation

(hey la hey la you're a nasty slut)

because of you the boys need herpes vaccinations

(hey la hey la you're a nasty slut)

yeah you've got an awful reputation

biggest slut throughout the nation

yeah you're gonna get a pasting

fifteen years old and you have a reputation

(hey la hey la you're a nasty slut)

Blanche Devereaux was never in your situation

(hey la hey la you're a nasty slut)

because of you the boys need herpes vaccinations

(Hey la, hey la, you're a dirty slut!)

yeah you've got an awful reputation

biggest slut throughout the nation

yeah you're gonna get a pasting

(changes to tune of You Give Love a Bad Name — Bon Jovi)

A filthy slut that's what you are

bent over a table you know you'll go far

A prostitute age 15

stay back from her boys cos you know where she's been.

oh what a nasty slut

oh what a filthy whore

Bedhopping Relic

'Verse 1
Rumours flyin' round same as bats about a belfry

You think you'll have my kid and get very wealthy

Classless lowlife slut always with another guy

Real relationships are something you'll never try

Chorus 1

You're a Bed-hopping relic

Filthy dirty brutal trash bag ho,

You think it takes a lot of guts for guys to tell you no

You're a Bed-hopping relic,

Filthy dirty brutal trash bag ho,

You're a even bigger slut than Blanche Devereaux

Bridge 1

You think that you are such a clever pretty witch

Child, get a clue you ain't nothing but a filthy little bitch

You're a rotten bottom feeding ho just like your momma.

obviously you got your whole whore skill set from her

Verse 2

You're the topic of the gossip goin' round the castle halls

Filthy little slut got always chokin on some dude's balls

Buzz around Hogsmeade is you've even had the portraits on all the castle's walls

Middle eight

Ask me out again and you know my answer will be no

Ginevra Maleficent Dumbledore you ain't nothing but a filthy dirty little HO!

Chorus 2

You're a Bed-hopping relic

Filthy dirty brutal trash bag ho,

You think it takes a lot of guts for guys to tell you no

You're a Bed-hopping relic,

Filthy dirty brutal trash bag ho,

You're a even bigger slut than Blanche Devereaux

Bridge 2

You think that you are such a clever pretty witch

Child, get a clue you ain't nothing but a filthy little bitch

You're a rotten bottom feeding ho just like your momma.

obviously you got your whole whore skill set from her

Verse 3

15 year old mattress more jump than a bouncing bean

reputation already as a dirty nasty bottom feedin' slut

avoid her at all costs you don't know where she's been

she won't take no for an answer, boy, this slut has guts!

Chorus 3

Bed-hopping relic

Filthy dirty brutal trash bag ho,

You think it takes a lot of guts for guys to tell you no

You're a Bed-hopping relic,

Filthy dirty brutal trash bag ho,

You're a even bigger slut than Blanche Devereaux

Bridge 3

You think that you are such a clever pretty witch

Child, get a clue you ain't nothing but a filthy little bitch

You're a rotten bottom feeding ho just like your momma.

obviously you got your whole whore skill set from her

Verse 4

You think you're popular, that you're real close to us

Truth of the matter is we think you're promiscuous

Take a chastity potion and you're gonna bleed out

come on Ginevra don't stand there and pretend you don't know what we're talking 'bout

Chorus 4

You're a Bed-hopping relic

Filthy dirty brutal trash bag ho,

You think it takes a lot of guts for guys to tell you no

You're a Bed-hopping relic,

Filthy dirty brutal trash bag ho,

You're a even bigger slut than Blanche Devereaux

Half bridge 1

You think that you are such a clever pretty witch

Child, get a clue you ain't nothing but a filthy little bitch

Outro

Like mother like daughter rotten to the core

Each thinks she's pretty

Truth is both are filthy dirty nasty whores

Guess who her father is…

That's right It's Albus Dumbledore

You're a Bed-hopping relic

Filthy dirty brutal trash bag ho,

You think it takes a lot of guts for guys to tell you no

Public humiliation sucks, right?

Maybe now you'll think twice

Before spreading nasty lies bout the chosen one

You pull this shit again

And your brother and father won't be the only ones

With a horse's head in their bed!

remember this boys and girls, don't be absurd

The Dumbledore family are a big bunch of turds

don't copy Ginevra's crimes

or you'll be subjected to my rhymes

and whatever you do… remember when it comes to Ginevra and Maleficent… JUST SAY NO!

peace out!'

Backstabbing Judas in Sensible Shoes

You were once my best friend

you chose to bring our friendship to a screeching end

you betrayed me, humiliated me and now I can see the truth and it's not good news

you're just a backstabbing Judas in sensible shoes

get a life

stay away from me

you're the one who chose to lose

our friendship

you backstabbing Judas in sensible shoes

you're nothing

you're nobody

you're done

and you're not the only one

that I would choose to accuse

of being a backstabbing Judas in sensible shoes Two Lire Tramp

Girl you flit from guy to guy to guy

relationships don't mean anything to you

you two lire tramp

you nasty little bitch

You're a putrid slut

You're a spoiled brat

a vixen a whore a skank a filthy bitch

girl does your puss itch?

if not it should

I can smell it from here

you putrid slut

you 2 lire tramp

you phoney brazen pain in the ass

Whore Whore Whore you know she likes it

I never did meet a girl like you before

you're a sorry slut a nasty whore

You know you are Ginevra Molly Ariana Dumbledore

Whore whore whore

you know she likes it

Whore whore whore

you know she likes it

I never did meet a girl like you before

you're a sorry slut a nasty whore

You know you are Ginevra Molly Ariana Dumbledore

Whore whore whore

you know she likes it

Why does she like it?

speak softly slut

Speak softly slut

then shut up cause you're bugging me

once you're in jail I might finally be free

you're on your own

you sorry whore

and that's how you'll be for now and evermore

your jealous lies

strike me as no surprise

your wicked deceit

will be your downfall

Speak softly slut

now you have me annoyed

you're on your own so go and stare in to the void

you're that dumb girl

they talk about

and warn everyone one to avoid

your jealous lies

strike me as no surprise

your wicked deceit

will be your downfall

Smelly twat

smelly twat

what are you doing there?

smelly twat

it's all your fault

disease is what you're gonna get

your ugly face I will forget

you know you're no bed of roses

heaven help those with noses

(Spoken) if they hang around you

Smelly twat

smelly twat

what are you doing there?

smelly twat

it's all your fault

Severus's *Point of View*

When Perseus showed me his lyrics and the music I said

"Boy, Perse, remind me never to cross you"
"I have a lot more where that came from… there's a whole album that's about what Vernon Dursley did. It's somewhere — I'll tell you where if we get married — I don't want that information getting out…"

"I understand Perse, we need to go upstairs because it's nearly time to leave for New York"

"There's one thing I want to do before we go upstairs Sev"

"OK"

Sirius handed me a box.

I took Severus's hand in mine and said

"I know we said we should wait to get engaged and stuff but Dumbledore's actions are so brutal and putrid that we probably shouldn't put this off much longer… we'll need to do it in secret… possibly when we're in New York, maybe we should see if George and Natasha want to share our special day" I paused and then I said "Severus, will you marry me?"

"Yes"

I slipped the ring onto Sev's finger and we shared a side hug.

Just as we had finished our side hug, a sonorused voice yelled

"WE NEED TO GO NOW!"

"Come on Perse"

"HE'S ESCAPED… RONALD HAS ESCAPED FROM THE PRISON WE HAD HIM AND HIS ROTTEN FAMILY IN…"

"Bollocks!"

"Language Perseus!"

"Sorry Mum"

"What did you call me?"
"Remus you carried Romulus and I to term, right?"
"Yes"

"Right, therefore technically speaking, you are our mum, if you don't like it we can revert back, or use something else…"

Severus and I led the way upstairs.

"Are you guys?"
"Yes"

"ARE YOU?"
"Yes… we really are"

There was a thud from behind us…

"So, the ginger goofball and the … rabid whore and the fuddy-duddy fruit loops are engaged are they?"

"PETRIFICUS TOTALUS…SUMMONE FERRO NUBIFERAS TABERNUS POLLICEM"

*SQUISH*

"Accio Steel folding chairs! Boys? you might find these useful"

"Thanks Constance, lift him up George put the other chair under his head…"

*WHACK* *WHACK* *WHACK* *WHACK* *WHACK*

"FREAK" hissed Ronald

"right… hold him up for me… Natasha and I have been working on this spell for a while….ATOMI WEDGIE DARENT!"

Professor Riddle came and stood beside us…
"castrare!" he thundered

"and just to be safe… AVADA MAXIMA!"

A very angry face

"CONSTANCE PROCRASTINATION MCMAHON! NEXT TIME YOU SUMMON STEEL CHAIRS, MAKE SURE YOUR GODFATHER ISN'T STANDING ON ONE WHILE CHANGING A LIGHTBULB! YOUR COUSIN JUST DID WHAT EDGE DID TO JEFF HARDY AT WRESTLEMANIA X-SEVEN AND YOUR GODFATHER HAS BROKEN HIS ANKLE…AGAIN! I TOLD VINCE AND LINDA NEVER TO TAKE YOU IN BUT THEY DIDN'T LISTEN, YOU'RE A FREAK!"

"VAFFANCULO PRISSY MARISSY! I AM BUSY"

Professor Riddle burst out laughing…

"Va fa a Napoli is the politer version of that" he explained

Constance spun round and hit Ginevra full in the face with the steel chair she was holding.

"THAT'S FOR WRECKING MY NANO PROJECT YOU FILTHY DISGUSTING DIRTY DISGUSTING BRUTAL DISGUSTING BOTTOM FEEDING DISGUSTING TRASHBAG DISGUSTING HO… OH AND DID I MENTION… DISGUSTING?"

then she kicked Percival and Dumbledore in the nuts, hard…

"I cannot wait to get my hands on that evil stupid bitch and wring her neck!" she hissed "In fact I have a better idea…"

We left for the airport. Professor Riddle closed the school down and set monitoring wards around it.

When we reached the airport, the assistance staff took Claudia, Constance and several others (including Neville and Romulus) to Security because due to their disabilities they had priority boarding, while the faculty members dealt with the luggage and so on. When we got through Security, Bethany, Jay and Silent Bob were waiting for us.