Three weeks later
The streets were busy; people were everywhere and their eyes followed her wherever she moved. She knew what they were looking at. They didn't try and hide it as they stared at the scar on her face; their eyes either looking at her with pity or disgust. One woman even shielded her small daughter from Saoirse's face, crossing herself as though she was a demon cast from the burning fires of hell.
The people around were so many and so close that Saoirse couldn't breathe. It felt as though they were closing in around her and she found herself desperate to escape. Pushing her way through the throng, she ran and ran until her legs could run no more. Her heart was pounding and her breathing was shallow as exertion trickled down her back.
She walked down an alleyway; grateful for the safety of her solitude. A black cat meowed and she followed it until she reached a dead end where the cat stopped beside an old crate. Peering inside, Saoirse smiled at the five tiny, fluffy kittens huddled together for warmth and yowling with their new found voices.
"Are these yours?" she asked the cat, who was clearly their mother for she watched them with such devotion in her eyes.
Her eyes roamed over the kittens, warmth filling her chest at just how sweet and innocent they were. She decided there and then that she was going to take them all back to Watery Lane. She was certain that Ada would help to look after them, and John's four small children would be delighted at the new pets. The mother cat hissed and Saoirse reached out to stroke her cautiously.
"Ssh," she whispered. "You can come too, I promise. I'm not taking them away from you, but it's too cold for you all to stay out here, isn't it?"
The cat hissed and her eyes narrowed, but Saoirse realised that the animosity wasn't directed at her. Turning around to see what had the cat so upset, she gasped when she saw him stood there.
Joe grinned maliciously as he ambled towards her slowly, like a predator hunting its prey. Saoirse was hyperventilating as she stepped backwards, her eyes darting around wildly as she desperately searched for an escape. When her back met with the cold brick wall, she realised she was trapped.
The man before her said not a word, but the cold glint in his eyes spoke volumes and Saoirse tried to scream as his hands wrapped themselves around her throat. Her eyes bugged and she flailed about helplessly as the world around her slowly started to fade.
"Saoirse," a voice spoke from somewhere in the distance.
It was a voice she recognised and she closed her eyes, waiting for the darkness to take hold so that her body could float towards the sound of the voice she craved to be closer to. It called to her like the sweetest of melodies; like a song of angels in the black abyss.
"Saoirse… wake up…Saoirse."
Saoirse came to with a gasp, clutching desperately at her throat as she struggled to catch her breath. Gentle hands were rubbing back and stroking her hair, and safe arms wrapped around her body while that voice murmured soothingly into her ear.
"Tommy," she croaked.
"It's alright," he kissed her shoulder. "It was just a dream; you're alright."
Saoirse took a shaky breath, her entire body trembling as silent tears fell. It was just a dream. The same dream she had most nights. But that's all it was; just a dream. It wasn't real, no matter how vivid it felt. And just like every night, Tommy was right there helping her through it. He never complained at being woken, he just sat with her and waited for her breathing to even out once more.
"Sorry," she mumbled, a short while later as she lay against Tommy's chest, listening to heart beneath her ear and letting its steady rhythm calm her.
"Nothing to be sorry for," Tommy murmured, his hands stroking her back languidly while his other hand brought his lit cigarette to his lips. "Was it the cat one again?"
"Yes," she whispered, sounding so fragile to Tommy's ears.
It hurt him to see her like this night after night, but as a man who still heard shovels banging against the bedroom wall, he could offer her no resolution. All he could do was be there, to hold her and to listen to the horrors that plagued her sleep.
"You know that I'll never let him near you, don't you?" Tommy said.
"I know," Saoirse nodded. She believed him. She really did. Trying to come to terms with what Joe had done to her had been, and still was, a long and difficult road but it was somehow made easier by the fact that she had Tommy to help her through. She knew without a shadow of a doubt that he loved her and would never hurt her, and therefore she had made herself a promise not to let Joe ruin her chance for a happy future.
But she didn't know how to explain to Tommy that after these nightmares, the bit that played over and over in her head the most was the way people looked at her. The way they stared at her as though she was some sort of monster.
She had been out of the house only twice in the last few weeks and although it was only to the shops with Polly, it had been so hard for her to leave the safety of Watery Lane. People had smiled kindly and sympathetically, offering her well wishes. She had been unable to shake the feeling though that their reactions were only out of fear for the fact that she was now associated with the Shelbys. And for some reason that really bothered her. She didn't know what kind of words they uttered about the state of her face when they were back in the safety of their homes, but she knew unequivocally that they said something. And that was what got to her the most. It made no sense to her, so how would she even begin to explain that to Tommy?
She was broken from her thoughts when Tommy lifted her hand and kissed the green emerald on her ring finger. Saoirse smiled, thinking about the delight on his face just days after their impromptu engagement when he had slipped that on her finger in the middle of the night after another of her bad dreams. As someone who hated jewellery, the feel of it was still somewhat annoying but every time she felt its weight she was reminded of the man who gave it to her.
"I love you," he murmured.
"I love you, too," she stroked his face and leaned up to kiss his full lips.
Their mouths kissed slowly as though they had all the time in the world. But when Saoirse felt Tommy hard against her, she tensed subconsciously. Tommy pulled back to look at her in concern, and when he saw her face he understood immediately.
"I'm sorry," Saoirse whispered. "I really want to, it's just-"
"-Stop," Tommy stroked her cheek. "There's no rush, love. We've got forever, eh?"
"I don't deserve you," Saoirse murmured, snuggling up against Tommy's chest.
Tommy said nothing, because truthfully he was the one who felt undeserving. But he gathered her up in his arms and kissed the top of her head, waiting for sleep to over-take them again. He didn't care if he was undeserving. He always had been a selfish man who took what he wanted. And he wanted her.
….
When Saoirse woke up again a few hours later she was alone in bed, and the spot where Tommy had slept was cold, meaning he had been gone for a while. Pulling on her dressing gown, and combing her fingers through her wayward hair, she trudged down the stairs where she was greeted by a smiling Ada sat at the table with an ever present book in her hand.
"Morning," Polly turned around from the stove where she was brewing a fresh pot of tea. "How did you sleep?"
"Well," Saoirse smiled, and neither of them acknowledged the lie.
"Good," Polly nodded, setting a bowl of porridge down in front of Saoirse, adding a little jam to sweeten it and give it flavour. "Eat up because we're going out soon."
"Pardon?"
"I said we're going out," Polly repeated in a voice that broached no arguments. "You need to get out and get some fresh air so we're taking the car out to the country. Johnny Dogs and his family have gone to the fair for a few days, but they left a few of the older women with the caravans so there'll be hardly anyone around."
"I don't feel up to it today," Saoirse answered quickly.
"I realise I phrased that wrong," Polly fixed her with a pointed look. "I wasn't asking you, I was telling you."
Saoirse opened her mouth to retort angrily but she was so shocked by Polly's stern tone that nothing came out.
"Close your mouth; you look like you're about to catch flies," Polly muttered. Her face softened and she took Saoirse's hand reassuringly. "Listen to me, love, I'm not trying to be horrid; trust me you'd know it if I was."
"You can say that again," Ada murmured under her breath, smiling innocently when Polly raised an eyebrow at her.
"I just… you know I care about you; we all do. Just come out for a few hours, hmm?" Polly smiled warmly. "Another week or two and the snow will come down then we'll all be battening down the hatches for winter. Getting some air and taking in the greenery will be a nice reprieve. I thought we could take a picnic, and if a bottle of gin happens to fall in the basket then it would be rude of us not to drink it, wouldn't it?"
Saoirse smiled back. She wasn't going to get out of it; Polly had made that perfectly clear. She may as well make the best of it and try to enjoy herself.
….
The drive was not enjoyable in the slightest. Ada decided she wanted to drive and Polly had agreed with her logic that she was safer practicing out on country roads than the busy streets of Birmingham. However, Saoirse was certain her life had flashed before her eyes at least three times, and even Polly had been gripping onto her seat for dear life. It was only when Ada had been forced to stop the car because Saoirse was going to be sick, did Polly take control of the wheel once more.
"Do you often get car sick?" Ada asked, rubbing Saoirse's back as she vomited again at the side of the road.
"Not usually," Saoirse groaned.
"That's usually because the person driving isn't bumping the poor girl all over the place," Polly muttered, throwing her cigarette down and squashing it under her heel.
"Funny," Ada rolled her eyes sarcastically. "It's not my fault that this car is terrible to drive."
"You can't blame the car," Polly snorted. "You're a shit driver and that's all there is to it."
"Alright, stop it you two," Saoirse stood up and wiped her face with the back of her hand. She took the handkerchief Ada held out gratefully and climbed gingerly into the back seat of the car. "I don't care which one of you drives, but can we just fucking hurry up and get there? Preferably in one piece, please."
"Amen," Polly smirked, climbing into the driver's side. "Get in Ada and put that bottom lip away. It wasn't cute when you were a child and it still isn't now."
With a huff, Ada climbed in beside Polly. The car took off and Saoirse closed her eyes, leaning her head back against the seat, fighting off the lingering urge to be sick again. She must have nodded off at some point, because she was rudely awoken a short time later by Ada throwing a barley sweet at her face.
"We're here," Ada grinned, yanking open the passenger door to let Saoirse out. She must have seen the unease on Saoirse's face because she smiled reassuringly and took her hand. "Listen, there's no one around, I promise."
Nodding, Saoirse climbed out hesitantly, pulling her coat around her as the biting winter air whipped itself around her. No matter the weather, it was really beautiful out here. The lush green grass was still kissed by morning frost and it twinkled where the sunlight hit it. In the near distance where a few of the caravans that she guessed must belong to Johnny Dogs' family. She had yet to meet the infamous Johnny Dogs, but she'd heard an awful lot about him. He seemed like a character and she was very much looking forward to meeting him at some point in the future.
She followed Polly and Ada across the field and as they got closer to the movable dwellings, Polly led them to the steps of a beautiful dark green wagon.
"This is the first part of your surprise," she said, handing Saoirse a letter.
"Surprise?" she frowned.
"It's all in the letter," Polly smiled.
Dear Saoirse,
Today is a sad day for our family, because it was on this day all those years ago that we lost our mother. She was perfect and beautiful, and she would have adored you. But as you know, life was not kind to her in that it gave her a man who didn't treat her as she deserved.
But this year, instead of using her anniversary to soak in grief, there is something that I wish to do in her honour. I want for this day to have happiness behind it instead of sadness, which is why I've brought you out here.
Today, Saoirse O'Reilly, I hope you will do me the honour of becoming my wife. It's all prepared. Polly and Ada have everything you will need, and all you have to do is meet me at the tiny church nestled just behind the trees to the left of where you're stood.
Myself, Arthur, Finn and John await you there. If you come, know that you're making me the happiest man on earth. And if you don't? Well, I'll blame you when Arthur can't stop crying.
I love you,
Tommy.
Saoirse giggled at the last few lines of the letter, shaking the letter to rid it from splattered tears as she turned her head to catch sight of a clearing of trees to the left, just like Tommy had written.
"I can't believe you two knew about this and didn't say anything," she sobbed happily.
"Tommy would have murdered us if we ruined the surprise," Ada hugged her. "I can't believe today I finally get a sister."
"You hope today you get a sister," Polly touched Saoirse's cheek. "So, what's your answer going to be?"
"Do you really have to ask me that, Pol?" Saoirse whispered.
Polly's face broke out into a wide smile and she tucked Saoirse's hair behind her ear.
"Welcome to the family."