Trying not to love you

Chapter 13- Touch and go

Sam looked at the plant, his head moving from side to side in amusement. It wasn't there when he left this morning and now on his return there it was on the corner of the chest of drawers. He spent the last thirty minutes of their group therapy session with his mind a complete blank. And now this. A living, dependable thing in his room.

His new schedule had been slipped under his door too, a list new activities making the cut.

"Don't forget to water it." Jerry made an appearance wearing a wicked smile. He had probably seen Sam's weary smile at finding a living plant now his pet project.

Dropping the itinerary onto the dresser Sam noted that Jerry had gone again, leaving Sam's thoughts to return to their dark depths.

Widowed….

The word sounded strange. Like it didn't belong.

He was still feeling shocked at the discovery. Not so much about learning that Callaghan has passed, but more about that Andy was what, maybe twenty-one or twenty-two and widowed. But that wasn't all, there was more to the story than just that. There was more and it was worse than the W word.

Andy let her hand run free of its own accord. The held the charcoal stick lightly, letting her hand slide it back and forth drawing across the page.

It felt like it had been forever since she had drawn something, anything. Well, anything that didn't resemble something dark and demonic. It wasn't intentional, and always started out as a light picture it just ended up drawing strength from her emotions which dampened as she put time into it.

"So, are you coming?" Chloe was dancing around the room like she was on a natural high. It was time for them to head to the gym, a two hour spot carved on the itinerary just for them.

Andy watched Chloe bounce around the on the mat like she was a jumping jack. Andy didn't know much about her, didn't even know why she was admitted here. She didn't seem like the s…. s….. suicidal type, Andy swallowing hard at the word. She hadn't noticed any track marks on Chloe's delicate, pale skin, but addicts didn't always use a visible part of their body to shoot up. Then there were other ways of ingesting drugs. Andy shuddered at the thought, a shiver travelling down her spine.

"Come on, you're no fun." Chloe stopped bouncing around and pouted at Andy. They were sparring but Andy's heart just wasn't in it.

"Maybe you can get her to punch you in the face," Andy looked up to find an amused smirk leering at them from just behind there.

"Nah, I'm good." Sam crossed his arms over his chest and watched the two women walk around each other more than anything else.

It was amusing.

"I'm out. She's no fun." Chloe chimed before walking off the mat and slipping a glove off before launching it into Sam's chest. "She's all yours."

Andy whirled around to give a Sam a look that screamed just dare. Sam took it as just that, a dare and moved over to the row of boxing gloves neatly hanging up against the wall. Hanging the redheads up, Sam took a bigger size and slipped his hands into them.

Sam moved around the mat, eyeing Andy who had a look of fire spark through her eyes momentarily.

"What's the matter, don't you hit girls?" Sam was taken aback by the sudden playful banter as she practically giggled it out. Sam had his hands up in defence and beyond that, didn't do anything.

Andy jumped from one foot to the other. Her hands keeping in motion, her dark pony swinging from side to side.

Sam took a playful jab at her, severely restraining himself. She was nothing more than a skinny waif of a girl, he was scared that if he actually hit her she might literally break.

"Never" Sam took another jab, this time she met it with her own gloved hand and blocked it. With more force than he expected.

He eyed her sweatshirt, she had a different one for every day of the week. And wore one every day of the week. It didn't matter if it was day or night, hot or cold she always had an oversized sweatshirt on.

"Comfy?" Sam questioned and nodded to er sleeve, another small spark igniting in her eyes as she took another swing at him and missed her mark completely.

He didn't mean anything by it, but maybe it would work better if she'd lose the sweatshirt. He remembered seeing a glimpse of a bandage and a red bracelet when he first met her, a foggy memory drawing in his mind's eye.

"So, Callaghan huh?"

The next thing Sam knew was a forceful fist full of glove meeting him square in the nose, a sudden sting making his eyes water. She hit him if the face with so much force that Sam took a few steps back to regain his footing before falling on his ass while tugging off a glove and moving his had to his face to see if his nose was bleeding.

"Yip." she virtually spat the word out almost on a hysterical note, but didn't flinch nor did she show any signs of wanting to run out the door.

With his nose clear, Sam put his hand back into the glove and bumped them together as a challenge to his pint sized, Bamby looking opponent.

Sam teased her, letting her get close enough to land a good shot before moving out of the way so that she would miss. He could tell that she was putting a lot of force into her swings and using the meagre amount of weight she had to throw the punches with.

"Elbows up." Sam chastised her and bumped her softly on the elbow. She was tiring and it was showing.

Andy lifted her elbow a fraction before taking another swing, this time hitting him in the centre of his chest.

"So Guns and Gangs, and Fifteen huh?" Andy questioned him, meeting his inquisitiveness with some of her own. She panted it out more than she said it, but it was audible enough.

"Yup." Sam didn't give her more than that.

She rolled her lip between her teeth and he instinctively knew that she had something lingering on her lips.

"Third." Sam said without even wondering what she wanted to ask him.

"Third?" Andy stopped moving around and took a few deep breaths. She was really taking strain.

"Third admission."

"Oh." Andy seemed to blush slightly at Sam's answer like it was an exact answer to her unasked question.

Andy had her gloves resting on her hips, visibly trying to regain her breath but she was struggling.

"You're burning energy too fast." Sam backed away, he didn't have much room to talk. He wasn't exactly in the best shape either. "You need to eat more." It was out of his mouth before he could stop it. He paused and slid his hands out of both gloves this time, he wasn't about to let her do anymore. They were done.

The few times he'd seen her eat it was yoghurt and fruit, or an occasional slice of toast or a small amount of oatmeal and coffee. She always had coffee.

His comment earned a scowled from her, before she hoped, skipped and lunged towards him in a swift manoeuvre he didn't see coming.

She was fast and she was still as light as a feather when he scooped her up and rolled her over before gently laying her down on the mat.

She let out a tiny squeal and he wasn't sure if it was from freight or something else. Inches away from her face, Sam leaned a little closer to her ear and in a sharp tome said "You need to eat more." He let go of his hold on Andy, reached for the gloves he dropped when he picked her up and left her laying on the mat where he set her down.

Andy took a moment to regain her breath. She rolled over on to her back and slipped her gloves off. She stared up at the lights, her eyes filtering around the room as silence engulfed her.

She had been eating a little better in the last few weeks, well at least more often. Noelle still made her sit at the table for at least half an hour before she was allowed to leave the table. They weren't forcing her to eat, they would allow her to take tiny portions and as long as she needed to in order to eat it.

Thinking back, she used to have a healthy appetite, a sturdy frame and she could run for miles and miles before tiring. Now she walked down three hallways and was ready to drop from exhaustion.

But she wasn't hungry and eating made her feel sick, so she only consumed what she could when she could and left it at that.

Getting up from the mat, Andy saw the time at four-forty-five. She needed to hit the shower or she would be late. Again.

She was always late.

Sam did not feel like the company but he was ushered into the garden by a very verbal Noelle Williams. They all had a five pm date out at the barbeque because the Blonde was having her last sleepover before being let out tomorrow. A barbeque without alcohol just didn't feel like a barbeque, but he highly doubted that alcohol would be appropriate in this case.

He left Andy sprawled out on the mat in the gym and headed for a shower before making his way out here because it was on his itinerary.

As was it on everyone else's. It seemed to be something that was not missable.

As he walked past a few familiar faces they nodded in his direction, he nodded back only to be polite. He didn't like crowds and he didn't mingle.

"Stop staring and just go over there before I throw up." Gail said it rather loudly in Andy's ear, loud enough for Chloe to let out a giggle.

Sam took a sip of his soda, although he would have loved a beer right now, as he watched the three women look in his direction before carrying on with their conversation. He was definitely the topic of whatever they were saying. Andy looked up at him, her gaze catching his for a split second. He took the opportunity to cock his head slightly to the side, a smirk tugging on his lips as he issued her a challenge to come closer.

She didn't accept, and instead focused her attention on the cold blonde.

It appeared in front of her nose like a magic carpet would.

Just suddenly there.

A waft of delicious aromas filling her nostrils.

It was sometime later, darkness having invaded the barbeque area with a halo of dim light cast from the outside overhead lights that had come on.

The plate remained under her nose, tormenting her sense of smell until she looked up to surprisingly find Sam holding the plate of food out to her when she had expected to see Noelle's face instead.

Andy sat up a little straighter on the bench and reached out for the plate, a timid smile gracing her face. Sam handed it to her before swiftly taking up a seat next to her on the bench, his own plate grasped tightly in his hand.

Andy looked down at the plate, her eyes milling over the selection on it. There was potato salad and green salad and two slices of garlic bread. There was a chicken wing, a thinly sliced strip of spare rib and a piece of filleted steak. It was all in small portions, much like she dished up for herself.

Glancing at Sam's plate she saw that it mirrored her own, except that there was a lot more of it on his.

Sam refrained from looking in her direction. He didn't say a word either. Instead he set his plate down on his leg and picked up his for before ushering a bite of potato salad to his mouth.

Andy had no idea how long they had been sitting there, surrounded by much darkness. They were silent, each of them content to just be there rather than spoil the moment with unnecessary small talk. She kept biting her tongue though, she had to keep the filter turned up on max or some kind of ridiculous nonsense would be blurted out.

Andy took small bites, revelling in the flavours of the food. It had been a while since she had eaten something that tasted…this good. Just the right amount of salt and pepper and spring onions.

Sam let out an unexpected chuckle at seeing Andy's expression. Not only was she completely engrossed in her food, but she was enthralled in complete ecstasy because it was so good.

"What?" Andy was blushing, he could see it in the dark. Her voice was barely above a hushed whisper and he knew that he had unintentionally embarrassed her.

"Nothing,"

She stared at him when he said the single word. Sam looked down at her plate, her eyes following before her cheeks were completely engulfed in a pink hue. She had been so preoccupied win thought and watching him that she had in fact eaten nearly everything on her plate without even realising it.

She still had her strip of rib left and looked between Sam and it before setting her fork down gently in her plate. He could tell that she was not going to pick it up with her hands.

Sam mirrored her actions, only he picked his up and bit into the tender meat that dripped with dark, sweet marinate. Sam motioned to her to do the same, a grin eared in response with a slight shake of her head. He gave her a stare that told her to follow suite and after what felt like minutes she reached down and picked the rib up.

Sam watched her closely a she lifted it to her mouth, her teeth tentative to bite into the meat. As she leaned forwards Sam watched the sleeves of her sweatshirt slip down towards her elbows, a streak of marks across her delicate skin cast in the shadows.

Sam swallowed hard, he almost chocked on the bite he had in his mouth. He tried his best to school his facial expressions as best he could calling for a stone look to grace his features with all his being. But it was too late, Andy saw something cross his face, or flicker in his eyes and he knew that she knew that he had seen her wrists.

Andy dropped the rib strip into her plate, her feet shuffling around to find footing so that she could stand up and walk away, but Sam's reaction was more masterful than hers was, his reactions quicker.

In a swift move Sam used his free hand to reach out and take hold of her hand, never more thankful than this moment that he had mastered the art of eating ribs off the bone with one hand.

"Don't," Andy tried to pull her hand back into her own personal space, Sam tightening his grip just enough for her to know that he wasn't letting go. She winced the word out, a desperate plea imbedded in her tone. But he wasn't listening. He dropped his own rib strip into his plate, fumbled for the serviette he had tucked in under his plate and smeared the sauce left on his fingertips onto it before finally giving Andy's hand another gentle pull forward.

She sat frozen before him, her eyes wide and glistening, fear spread out across her face. But she relented her hand and Sam drew it even closer. He turned her hand to face upwards, the inside of her right hand wrist now inches away from him. He reached out with his free hand and slid her sleeve up towards her elbow…..

***That's it for now, sorry for leaving it there, but I do want you to come back for more.

Catch you all again soon

JBJ